The memoirs of one of Equestria's greatest fiends.
Hello, everyone. I am Discord. The Spirit of Chaos. The image of evil. And the friend of Equestria's greatest heroes. In celebration of my greatness, I bring you my memoirs that my mind magically wrote during four different points of my life.
I watch as the two young alicorns walk up a grassy hill. I knew they would be here. It's one of their favorite spots, though I never understood why. All they do here is talk and talk and talk. That's it! Perhaps it's a girl thing... or a pony thing... or maybe it's something friends do... I wouldn't know. Despite my confusion, I still smile and rub my 'hands' together. Oh, they are in for a surprise! I'm going to give them something much more fun than just boring talking.
Once the two alicorns reach the top of the hill, I snap my fingers. In an instant, the hill's surface turns into soap. Caught off guard, the two are unable to fly nor teleport away before slipping on the soapy surface, causing them to slid down to the bottom of the hill. I reveal myself, laughing at the two. I expect them to laugh along with me... but they don't.
The older alicorn rolls her eyes as she steadily gets on her hooves. "Discord, must you play your little pranks when me and Luna are trying to relax?" She asks me.
The younger alicorn struggles to get up but slips and falls on her belly. Her older sister helps her up.
I don't understand. Didn't they not find it funny? I thought is was funny. I thought they would appreciate a good prank. I've seen Celestia and Luna play pranks on each other all the time. With a sigh, I snap my fingers and return the hill to normal. "I was just trying to spruce up your day." I tell them.
"That service was unneeded." Luna tells me in an aggravated tone.
I hang my head and teleport back to the Chaos Realm. Why didn't they enjoy my prank? How was it different from the pranks they play on each other? Is it... Is it me?
I chuckle as chocolate milk rains down on the ponies of Canterlot. No matter how many times I've tried, Celestia and Luna just don't appreciate any of the things I do. Turn the castle floors into soap? They give me angry looks. Replace their thrones with cake? They eat it and demand their thrones back without so much as a thank you. Turn their fur, manes, and tails into several different colors and patterns? They tell me to stop. All these years and I just can't please those two. Don't they realize that I'm trying to make them laugh? Don't they realize I want to be their friend?
Oh, well. Forget those two. I'm sure at least some of the Canterlot ponies will appreciate my work. After all, who doesn't like chocolate milk?
"Discord!" A voice rings out behind me.
I turn to see Celestia and Luna have arrived. They fly only about two yards away from me. Despite their grumpy looks, I give them a smile. "Hello, Tia and Lulu. Come to join the fun?"
"Discord, I would like for you to stop making it rain chocolate milk." Celestia requests in a polite yet annoyed tone while her white coat is stained brown.
Why would I make it stop? Were the ponies not enjoying it? "Why?" I ask the boss lady. "All I'm doing is giving these ponies free chocolate milk. They'll be thanking me soon."
Luna rolls her eyes and points a hoof towards the ground. "Do they look grateful?"
I look down to the ponies below. They were trying to get out of the rain and were griping about how their manes and outfits were ruined. Why weren't any of them enjoying it? Why wasn't anyone smiling? "But... But don't ponies like chocolate milk?" I ask the princesses.
"We like to drink chocolate milk, Discord." Celestia tells me. "Not be showered with it."
"B-But I-"
"Please, Discord. Just take it away."
I open my mouth to reply, but instead I frown and snap my fingers, causing the cotton candy clouds to disappear. I glare at the two alicorns. "I just want to brighten ponies' days. Is that too much to ask?!"
An expression of what seems to be remorse appears on their faces, but I teleport away before I can be sure.
My home is in shambles. Everything is broken and on fire. My entire Chaos Realm is distorted in red and black colors. But I don't care. I just lay here, surrounded by this destruction. It was my own doing, but I don't care. Why should I care? It's not like it has feelings. It's not like it can feel sadness... or frustration... or rage! It doesn't feel left out. It doesn't get upset. It doesn't try to do anything about it. It doesn't try to make ponies happy! And it doesn't fail at it! And it doesn't spend eons trying to find someone to appreciate it! And it isn't put down every single time! And... And it.... It doesn't waste it's time looking around the world for someone who would be it's friend. It... I-It didn't try to befriend any ponies... Or dragons... Or griffons... Or minotaurs... Or diamond dogs... Or zebras... Or donkeys... Or sea monsters... Or... Or... Or... AAAAAAAAAAH!
W-What is wrong with me?! Why am I the one that no one wants to be friends with?! Why does no one appreciate me?! Why does no one understand that I'm trying to make them smile?! Why... Why am I... Why am I this? I've asked these questions for so long now that I can't even start to remember where it had began. And those questions just bring in more... and more. Is it because I'm different? Is it because of how I behave? That doesn't make sense. Ponies and other beings, aside from most dragons and griffons, get along just fine despite being different. Is it because of my power? Is it because I can do things they can't? That doesn't make sense either. The alicorns are the same way and they are worshiped for it. I don't... I can't understand.
So, I just lay here, lost in my thoughts. Tears run down my face as I sink deeper and deeper in despair. But I don't understand why that has to be me. Why am I the one doomed to everlasting despair? Why must I be tormented for all eternity? I tried, didn't I?! I tried to bring these stupid, ungrateful ponies something great, didn't I?!
You know what? I don't care anymore! They don't deserve to have a friend like me! None of them! They should be the ones in everlasting despair! They should be the ones in eternal torment! And... And I'm one who will give it to them! Of course! Why didn't I realize it sooner?! I'm the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony! I was never meant to have friends. I was never meant to bring joy. My destiny rests only in destruction and madness. Of course!
I wipe the tears off my face and start laughing. For some reason, I find it funny that I never realized this before. In fact, it's hilarious! I don't know why. It doesn't make sense but... You know what? Why should it make sense? Why does anything have to make sense? Where's the fun in it? So, I just laugh and laugh and laugh. My destiny awaits and Equestria is doomed! Heheheheheheheh! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ahhh, what a beautiful day. Or is it night? There really is no telling. The sun and moon go up and down and back and forth and sideways and around the bend as they please. The sky and ground are both covered with cotton candy clouds, raining down and up in random places. The ground is like a pink checker board, though I haven't actually put down any chess pieces yet... Perhaps I shouldn't. Pieces of, well, everything float in the air and every living thing is totally bonkers. Truly a beautiful day!
I sit on my throne and look around at the world I have created. Chaos... Glorious chaos. My attention is caught by the screams of nearby ponies. I look to see a group of them running from a small herd of animals. It's impossible to tell what they are or were to due there body parts being mismatched at nearly every point, but judging from their red eyes and the foam coming from their mouths, the ponies are right to flee. Perhaps I should help them... I know! I'll making a branch come out of the ground and trip the animals so that the ponies can get away. I raised my paw to do so... Oopsie. I tripped the ponies instead. Ah, well. I'm sure they'll be fine. It's not like they can die; not in my world.
I ride my throne through the air and check on my subjects. I see pegasi with wings on their bellies instead of backs, forcing them upside down, desperately trying to fly away from the random chasms. I don't know if any of them were actually pegasi. I always change the races of everypony, therefore I have no idea which of them are how they were born at whatever time. Though they fact that their wings, horns, and strength are always on any part of they're body but the place they're supposed to be makes it hard for them. Well, sometimes they're in their proper place, but for the most part they're not.
I watch ponies and non-ponies alike run around in utter madness. I see a deer slithering around like a snake with it's legs wrapped around his body like ribbons. A group of buffaloes dressed like ballerinas and dancing as such. Two pegasi controlling two earth ponies like puppets. A pony dressed like a clown and shoving an air pump into random ponies and non-ponies' mouths, blowing them up like balloons before tying strings to they're mouths and letting them float away. The skeleton of a pony chasing after his skin, which is moving like a regular pony. A zebra with stripes that twisted around around his body in a way that hypnotizes anypony that sees it. The zebra himself isn't insane, but judging from his reactions to everypony near him being put in a trance, he'll be going crazy all on his own soon enough. He's already turning grey. Oh, there is just so much chaos! I simply can't list it all.
My attention is taken away from the little ponies by a cyclone that appeared out of nowhere in a mere second. Of course, that's just natural here. Cyclones appear in random places at random times and last for a random number of minutes. This one appears right in front of me and sucks me in. I'm unharmed, of course, and teleport away.
I decide to take a look at Canterlot. I go to the once lively city and admire what I have done to it. Like every other major city caught in my chaotic web, it burns like a giant bonfire. The city itself is a mass of red and yellow while the flames are every other color including colors that don't exist. Dangling above the flames are countless ponies; all of them crying and screaming and begging for release. They are suspended by strings marionettes, hanging at the tips of the flames. Of course, they'll just be swapped out for other ponies in time, though I'm not sure when. Time doesn't really work here.
It seems everything is in proper disorder. The world is destroyed yet not destroyed. Forever dying but never dead. Everyone insane yet sane. Perfection. Though I wonder how Celestia and Luna are doing... I had decided long ago (or was it not that long at all?) to let those two stay sane. To allow them to watch as everything they love is torn apart, put back together, and torn apart again. They can't stop me. They're not strong enough or smart enough to break me down. There is nothing they can do...
Of course, there are the Elements of Harmony, but I'm not concerned. I've already planted some delicious chaos seeds at the Tree of Harmony. If they take the Elements out, the seeds should sprout and do the work for me. I think it's time they accepted that I'm the king from here on out.
Ooh, boy! Look at what the mutilated mutant cat dragged in. I laugh as Celestia and Luna glared at me. It seems the two have been having a rough time by the looks of it. So, I suggest pin the tail on the donkey... with Celestia's tail. Hahahaha! Of course, they don't find it funny. They've never found anything I do funny. I don't care any more. I tried to make others laugh; I've been trying since before those two alicorns were born. Now, all that matters is that I make myself laugh.
Well, it looks like those two are going to try to stop me. Haha! What are they going to do? Blast me with the power of friendship? Destroy me with their love? Kill me with they're selflessness? Hahaha! And they look so serious! They really think they can stop me! It's hilarious! Hahahahahahaha Ahahahahahaha-
I can't move. My body is frozen in place. They... They must have found the Elements of Harmony and turned me to stone. No matter. Any moment now, those chaos seeds I planted will grow and plunge Equestria into chaos themselves; allowing me to escape.
What is taking so long? Why aren't those seeds working? Celestia and Luna have already turned the world back to it's old boring ways and they've put me in this garden. Nothing is happening here. It's as peaceful and non-chaotic as can be. It's driving me crazy! Obviously, they put me here to keep me from absorbing nearby chaos, but it won't matter. The seeds will grow soon enough.
I never expecting being turned to stone to be comfortable, but this is excruciating! All of my power being cooped up in this stony prison is torture! And the CONSTANT, HARMONIOUS, UNCHANGING PEACE that I am FOREVER surrounded by is even worse! Is this my punishment then? To stay here for the rest of eternity?!
...Calm down, Discord. Calm down. No point in panicking in your own mind.
Okay... Obviously, the Tree of Harmony still has enough magic in it without the Elements to keep my chaos seeds from growing. I have no idea how long it will last, but it certainly isn't happening fast enough! I WANT OUT OF HERE!
Celestia is all alone now. My eyes may be sealed shut but I can still see. I can sense everything around me. Therefore, I know about Nightmare Moon. I can't imagine how Celestia must feel. Banishing her own sister to the moon for a thousand years... I just wish I was out of here so I could laugh in her face. No matter; Celestia won't last long.
Luna was the only other immortal that Celestia could call a friend. Anyone else she tries to connect to will die in due time. Unless, of course, she happens to find that one special student before I can get out. I wish I could say that there is no way that could happen, but I don't know anymore. I... I think this prison is getting to me. I... I'm scared.
I have no idea how long I've been stuck like this. I've lost all sense of time. Ever since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, Equestria has been at peace. Has it been decades? Centuries? Millennias?! No... No, not millennias. Luna hasn't returned. I have to remember that. It's the one thing that tells me about time. It's the only thing I have right now. I just... wish that something would attack Equestria. It doesn't even have to release me; just give a little bit of chaos! Just a little?! PLEASE?! I... I... I think I'm losing my mind. I suppose that's karma for driving all those little ponies insane. I deserve all of this really, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!
I... I feel like they've... broken me. I've tried everything. I've tried to retreat into my own mind, but it's too filled with my magic. I've tried to corrupt the ponies that pass by, but I have no strength left. I've tried to wait for Luna to tell me how long it's been, but she hasn't...... Wait.
Luna? You're back?! So, the thousand years have passed for you. And I'm still here. Well, at least I know the time, but now there's nothing left for me.
The Elements... The Elements have picked new owners! I can sense it. The Element of Magic... Twilight Sparkle. The Element of Honesty... Applejack. The Element of Generosity... Rarity. The Element of Laughter... Pinkamena Diane Pie. The Element of Kindness... Fluttershy. The Element of Loyalty... Rainbow Dash.
I... I can feel my power returning. Chaos... Unrest... It's returning to Equestria. It's not much, but maybe...
Ah, another little field trip. I've always loved kids. They're so... unpredictable. So reckless. And, at this moment, useful. If I can just get a little bit of my magic out...
Yes, three of them are arguing. Just a little more... They're fighting. It's... It's working! I can feel the stone cracking!
"Would you like some more tea, Discord?" Fluttershy asks me.
I give her a smile. "I wouldn't mind, my dear Fluttershy."
She reaches her hoof to the kettle.
"Oh, there's no need for that." I tell her as I snap my fingers.
The tea kettle sprouts legs and pours the tea itself before running off.
Fluttershy laughs at the display, much to my joy.
I still don't understand how I've ended up here. To think that only a little over a year ago, I was reeking havoc across Equestria just as I did over a thousand years ago. I had picked off the Elements one by one; twisted them into the very things they hate the most. I spread suffering and mayhem throughout the world. I watched from my throne as Celestia's world was once again torn apart. I didn't think they could stop me... But I was wrong.
I still remember the despair I felt as that Rainbow came towards me. I would have just teleported away, but my powers are chaos based and teleporting away at that very moment made too much sense. I remember the feeling of helplessness as I was turned back into stone after I had just gotten out. I imagine it was similar to how Twilight felt when I took away everything from her. Karma truly is merciless.
I thought I would be there for another thousand years or more, but after a couple of months passed, Celestia walked up to my statue. I looked down at her, thankfully I had kept my eyes open this time, as she gave me an odd look. I really can't describe it; but what she told me at that moment... It's something that I've thought about recently. I remember what she said word per word.
"I remember how you used to be, Discord. I remember when Luna and I first meet you. You really were a charming draconequus and I really did appreciate your pranks half the time... But I suppose I didn't show it much, did I?" She looked sad; maybe even guilty. "Maybe... Maybe if I had shown you more kindness, none of this would have happened. But I've done some thinking and I've decided to give you another chance. There's a certain pony that I believe can change you. But be warned, If you hurt anymore of my little ponies, there will be serious consequences for you." She became very stern during the last sentence.
At first, I thought she was pulling my leg, but, right after she finished, I was put on a chariot and brought to Ponyville. I already had a plan. I was going to manipulate Fluttershy into giving up her Element, thereby nullifying their only means of defeating me again. And no matter what I did, Fluttershy never lost her patience with me; which very much surprised me. No one had put up with me so... easily before. Of course, I didn't think much of it... until she called me her friend.
When Fluttershy told her friends that I was her friend too... I really don't know how to describe it. I've lived for eons and, in that time, no one had ever called me their friend. I could tell she truly meant it as well. I could barely believe it. Something in me changed at that moment, but I didn't realize that until I almost lost her. When she told me to put everything back to how it was, I was angry. She really thought I would turn everything back to normal just because I would lose the only friend I've ever had if I didn't... That's when it truly hit me. When I looked back at those lonely pair of skates, a realization came to me. All my life, I had searched for someone to call a friend. Someone who would appreciate me. Someone who would love me... Someone I could love. I never found anyone and I gave up; that's why I turned to torturing all of pony kind. I was just so tired of hurting that I decided to make others hurt instead. Nothing was there to hold me back... But now, I had something, someone, to hold me back.
I remember when those six ponies lost their Elements. The wheels in my head were turning for something evil... But Fluttershy quickly talked me out of it. I wanted to spread chaos, but I really didn't want to lose my friends. But then Tirek arrived. I've come to regret many many things... but betraying my friends for that lying, power-hungry monster is my biggest. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I listened to him. I guess that part of me was still there; the part of me that took over Equestria. I really thought he was my friend; I really thought we were a team. When he betrayed me, I felt... broken. More broken than a stone prison could ever succeed in. Not only did Tirek betray me, he did it right after I had done the same to my friends... to Fluttershy. It was a pain I had never felt before. It was worse than all those years I spent alone; worse than all those years I was in that stone prison. It made me feel... empty. I couldn't even cry because of how hollow I felt. And I deserved it. I deserved it for my own betrayal. Twilight should have left me to Tirek... But she didn't. Even then, she called me her friend and demanded my release.
How did a fiend like me end up with such friends? I really don't know, but I couldn't be more grateful. I still have a lot to learn and I'll never be rid of my bad habit of being a jerk; after all, I'm the Spirit of Chaos and I've been this way forever. It just makes me even more grateful for my friends, even if I don't show it all the time. Though, between you and me, I'm most grateful for Fluttershy.
As this all runs through my mind, I look at my little pink-haired friend. "Fluttershy,"
She looks up at me. "Yes, Discord?"
I smile at her. "I just wanted to say thank you."
"For what?"
"For being friends with a monster like me."
She looks at me for a second before flying over and putting her forelegs around me. "Oh, Discord, your not a monster. You just make bad decisions sometimes. And I'm happy to be your friend."
I look down at her and wrap my arms around her. As her words sink in, I can't help the tears running my face. "Thank you, Fluttershy."