Twisted Fate makes a certain deal with a merchant... let's say that the poor merchant regrets doing it now, since Twisted Fate seems to be enjoying himself way too much...
Tobias Foxtrot, mostly known as Twisted Fate, is a card master, cheater and thief, that is wanted in every city and town, and also hunted by his old friend and the police, makes a deal with a suspicious merchant, who, in excenge for a bag of gold, gives him a special card that allows him to teleport to a planet known as 'Equus', which is in another dimension, also allowing other people to summon him for help... at least that was what the merchant intended... but oh boy does he regret making that deal...
Equestria and the princesses will now have a bigger pain in the ass than Discord!
The Twisted Fate in this story is the way I personaly see him. This is kind of a displaced story, but not really. New tags will be added if necesary. Rated Mature for a bit of swearing... a bit more... ok a fuck ton of swearing cuz I can't help it... Actually fuck it I'm rating it Teen. This is anything but mature. Hah!
I was running trough the alleys of Piltover trying to not be found by his old friend turned enemy, Graves. And speaking of the devil...
"Tobias... Come out... Why won't you come greet your old friend? You sly bastard..." Graves said, full of anger.
'I sure got in a bit of a pinch this time around...' I thought as I was walking trough the back alleys, but then I saw a weird store, which I entered. Inside there was a creepy merchant who gave me a feeling I was all too familiar with. 'Oh? What do we have here? This feeling... teleportation magic...huh? It's a really strong... Way stronger then mine... This will be interesting.' I got closer, my grin slowly growing.
"Hello there, good man! Would you like to buy something from my humble shop?" The merchant said with a smile.
"Ah cut the crap! C'mom, tell little me what's with ya'? Normal merchants don't stink of dimensional magic! What kind of fool do ya' take me for?!" 'Does he not know who I am? Is that even possible?'
The merchant chuckled. "Oh seems like you know something about dimensional magic... Not bad kiddo... But if you do, why are you here then? Oh... I know... You desire my services... Don't you?" The merchant started chuckling.
"Depends... Can ya' get me the hell out of here?" I was desperate... I had to get out of here before Graves blew my head into a milion pieces.
The merchant raised an eyebrow. "But why would you want that? What's wrong with this place?"
"I am wanted in every god damn city, town and village, and an old friend of mine tries to blow my head off with a shotgun. Of course I wanna get the hell out of here!"
"Alright, alright, calm down. I can help you..." the merchant puts a card with a sun and a moon on it on the table "Here, this will get you to a different planet called 'Equus'."
"Thank ya' kindly." I try to take the card but he takes it back, which makes me groan in annoyance. "Ah what do ya' want?"
The merchant smiles. "A bag of gold, of course! You won't need it there anyway."
"Fine..." I give him a bag.
"Don't try to fool me, boy. Give me gold, not wood."
I groan again. And hand him a bag of gold, but don't let go of it.
"Give it already... don't test me" The merchant pulls out a microphone. "To the man named Graves," His voice echoes all over Piltover.
My eyes widen. "Ok ok I got it!" I let go of the bag. "Just give me the god damn card already!"
The merchant smiles. "Here you go, hope you'll enjoy living with ponies from now on."
"Yeah yeah." I say as I use my magic on the card and start teleporting. "Wait. Ponies? Aww shit...". Then everything went black.
~Equus, Equestria, Canterlot~
~Celestia POV~
"Ah... what a wonderful day... we finally got Discord back to stone... it's so quiet and nice..."
*KABOOOOOOOOOM*
"Ah... god dammit... I just had to open my mouth..."
~Tobias POV~
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT." I say as my gorgeous face hit the hard ground. "I swear to god, this card needs to be fixed, cuz this is not how ya' should be teleported..."
I start looking around and realize that I am in something that looked like a bank... "Cha ching!". And what do I see? Gold coins everywhere. "Seems like Lady Luck is smiling today." I then put all the coins in my coat, don't question it, just go with it.
"Stop right there! Put the money back, Thief!" I hear 3 voices say in union.
I turn around at the source of the voice, but what I see surprises me. "Horses? What the fuck? Why the actual flying fuck are ya' wearing gold armor?! Nope no way I'm letting ya' go."
"What are you-" I cut him off by trowing 3 gold cards at the group making them fall unconscious.
"Huh... stronger than usual..." I then procede to take the gold armor and weapons off of them and put them in my coat along with all the gold coins in this place.
~Celestia POV~
As I was wondering what that explosion was all about one of my little guards rushed in and saluted. "Princess! One of the royal treasures has been stolen!".
I raise an eyebrow at this. "What about the guards guarding it?". I hope nothing bad happened to them.
"They were found unconscious, your highness!"
"Do you have any idea what happened? Like who might have stolen the bits?"
"Well...". The guard started looking around the room before sighing. "Kinda... all we found is this." He hands me a card.
I grab the card with my magic and take a closer look at it. It reads:'Prepare for my next magic show! - The Magnificent Twisted Fate!' "So the one at fault goes by the name of 'The Magnificent Twisted Fate'?".
"Seems like that, your highness."
"Tell the guards to be careful and double the guards guarding royal treasures, and try to catch the criminal." I smiled gently.
"Yes, princess!". The guard rushed out to fulfill his duty.
~Tobias POV~
'So apparently I'm in a place full of pastel colored talking horses, unicorns and god damn pegassi. Well... could have been worse, like get sent to the void with those ugly fuckers. At least Graves isn't here! That's a big plus! Now... What to do... Aha! I know!' I change my clothes into the ones for 'The Magnificent Twisted Fate'. "Let's show those horses some card tricks...". I chuckle darkly as I walk trough a dark alley, contemplating my master plan.
After a while I notice that the number of 'guards', if you can even call them that, I just heard some of the horses call them that, have doubled, also these horses apparently call themselves ponies. Weird huh? Anyway, 'borrowing' stuff will be a lot harder, so let's go to that stupidly shiny castle, or better, into it's gardens! I feel some strong magic there, I wonder what it is?
When I arrive in the gardens I notice multiple things, the first being that it's way too fucking colorful, and the second being that there are a lot of weird statues here, especially the chimera one that keeps staring at me... wait a minute...
"Oh? This is a surprise! I did not expect any visitors today, but oh well, can you tell me who are you?". I heard a voice in my head say.
"Let me guess, ya' are the creepy statue who keeps staring at me right?". I ask hoping that I haven't gone insane.
"You guessed it! Now mind if you tell me who and what are you?"
Hmm... telling it my actual name would be a bad idea... let's just go with my alias. "I'm Twisted Fate, the biggest charmer in the entire univers! As for what I am, I am human. What are you tough?"
"Never heard of you or your race. As for me, my name is Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, and I am a draconequus."
"Ya' look like something that Jinx would draw, mate. No offence."
"Ah it's fine, I've been called worse.". I hear him sigh internally, which is kinda weird.
"So why are ya' in stone?"
"A long story..."
~A long flashback later~
"I gotta say, that was a dumb idea." I say chuckling.
"Yeah... well it's not like I could have killed them! I'd lose my powers otherwise.". He said looking a little depressed, as depressed as a statue can get.
"True, but ya' don't seem like that bad of a guy...". 'Should I help him escape? Hmm... Yeah probably.' I start looking trough my jacket.
"I know right? Hey... what are you doing?". He asks as I pull out a weird silver card. 'This should work.'.
"Don't forget, ya' owe me for this." I say as I throw the card at his face. The statue starts cracking until it explodes into thousand of small pieces.
"Oh thank you so much!" He smiles warmly.
I chuckle. "Now, now, we should get outta here, cuz from what you told me Sunbutt and Moonbutt should be arriving soon along with 10 milion guards."
"Good point." He snaps his fingers as they teleport away leaving only confetti behind.
~Celestia POV~
"Oh no..." 'No, no, no this can't be happening! How did he get out already?! It hasn't even been a full day!'.
"Umm... Tia... should we tell the elements?" Lulu asks worried.
"Yeah... that would be the best course of action... Wait what's that?" I pick up a card which reads: 'Don't miss my new show! - The Magnificent Twisted Fate!'. 'The same as the one at the robbery?!' "Also Lulu, tell them that someone's with Discord, someone who is full of tricks..."
"As you say, Tia.". Said Lulu as she got a scroll and started writing.
"Please be careful Twilight...". I mutter to myself.
Today me and the girls are going to go to a picnic, and have a little fun after we finally got rid of Discord. But when I was about to go and meet with them I got a letter from Princess Celestia. What it contained shocked me! 'How could Discord get out already?! The girls aren't going to like this... Especially Rainbow...'. I got my things and grabbed the Elements of Harmony with me and went to the picnic to tell the girls the bad news.
~A little walk later~
'I finally found them...'. They are all talking happily and eating... I hate to tell them this, but I have no choice... "Hey girls! Sorry for being late!".
"It's alright sugar cube.". Applejack said as she tipped her stetson smiling.
"Yeah it's fine.". Said Rainbow as she was floating lazily in the air.
"Umm... I have some bad news...". I said looking around trying to avoid eye contact.
"Wh-What h-happened?". Asked Fluttershy who seemed a little scared.
"~sigh~ Discord broke out of his prison..."
"WHAT?!". All of them scream at the same time. "Didn't we seal him yesterday? Shouldn't getting out take a thousand years or something like that?". Rainbow asked in disbelief.
"Yes, that is true... but the princess send me a letter that he got out... and the worse part is that apparently he has help...". I tell them while looking down.
"Help? Oh! Oh! Maybe it's a creepy cult who sexually worships him!". Pinkie said while bouncing around happily. At which Rainbow started laughing her flank off.
"Pinkie, darling, don't be silly! There isn't a cult like that!" Rarity said, shivering at the image created by Pinkie.
"No,Pinkie, it's not a creepy cult like that... It's a thief who goes by the name of 'The Magnificent Twisted Fate', who hasn't been caught yet, or seen. The only reason we know that name is because he leaves a card behind telling us to come to his next 'show'."
"That's one weird pony...". Muttered Rainbow.
"Well... the thing is... we don't know if it's a pony. The princess suspects it might be something else."
"Whatever it is, we need to go kick it's flank right?".
"Pretty much, Rainbow.". 'I have a bad feeling about this...'
"What are we waiting for then?! Let's go!"
"Alright..."
~Equestria, ???~
~Tobias POV~
"So... where the fuck are we?" I say as I'm fixing my hat.
"Dunno. Some random cave.". Discord shrugs.
"Ah... bloody perfect... So know any fun things to do?"
"Hmm... there is a small town near The Everfree Forest, the elements of harmony are there though."
"Who cares about them? From what ya' said they only affect evil and chaos, and I'm neither!"
"You seem pretty evil to me."
"I'm beautiful, and beauty can't be evil."
"Who the hell did you even hear that from?"
"An insane guy who murders people in horrible ways and calls them his work of art."
"That... is disturbing...". Discord shivers.
"Wait 'till ya' see his victims."
"Uh... No thanks..." Discord started to look really disturbed, but then he snapped his fingers and got in a costume similar to mine. "So what any ideas what to do?".
"You just gave me one...". I smirk.
"I did?" He looked really confused.
"Yeah you did, now make us into ponies and create a circus caravan, try to not make it too weird"
"Oh I love how this sounds!". Discord said happily.
After discord made both of us into ponies we decided on what names to use, he'll be Disco Cord and I'll be Fate Twister... if they don't realize that it's us from these stupid names then they are really dumb. We got in the caravan and started going to Ponyville, which didn't take much time.
On our arrival we were greeted by curious stares, which was to be expected, considering how we might look to the others. We chose to ignore them. We decided to settle our shop in the middle of the town, where everyone can see us, and started setting up our 'entertainment'. Oh this will be fun...
And then we waited... and waited... and waited... "WHY ISN'T ANYONE COMING?!" I screamed in annoyance while Discord sighs.
"Well this was unexpected... I mean yeah I expected to be a little unpopular at first but... this is just depressing... no customer in an entire week? Damn..." Discord said with a sad tone.
"C'mon... does my family's traditional show look THIS boring to them?! I mean seriously! Back at home we would have been sold out already on tickets..." I was angry, really angry, how dare this stupid ponies ignore something so magnificent as my family's show! Is... is it really that boring?
Discord puts a hand on my back and smiles. "It's alright, they just don't know what a good show looks like."
"Yeah... you're right... let's... just wait... ~sigh~". This is going nowhere... "Turn on the closed sign... I'll go 'raise funds'."
"Have fun! ~chuckle~"
"Watch the house!" I say as I pull out my card and use my magic on it. Around my feet a circle of cards starts forming, and when it's done forming I disappear, the circle unforms itself and disappears.
~One of the Royal Treasures~
A card circle starts to form itself onto the ground and then I appear. The circle starts to slowly unform itself again and disappears into nothingness. I turn around and see the massive pile of gold. "Oh hello there.". I start shoving gold into my coat as I start humming a song. 'And the best thing is that guards don't notice a thing~ Ah this guards are retarded~ Why don't they check if someone is inside? Jeez this guys are stupid'
"Well that was all of it! Now... To make my presence known... ~smirk~". I start trowing cards to the ground and write with them. "Perfect.". I throw an exploding card to the ground and teleport away.
~Celestia POV~
I got news from my guards that another Royal Treasure has been stolen, so me and Lulu rushed over as soon as we heard the news. We arrived shortly after and, again noticed that there were no signs of someone breaking in, also, besides the fact that everything was empty except for some cards on the was that were spelling the following: "Thank you very much Princesses for the very generous donation to our show, our funds are finally at acceptable levels. - Love, The Magnificent Twisted Fate <3".
"That-That-THAT SON OF A BIT-" I stop myself as I realize that the guards are still around. "~Ahem~ Can you please leave us alone?"
"Yes, your majesty!". They all rushed out.
"UGH I HATE HIM SO MUCH!" I start screaming in my royal canterlot voice out of pure anger for that annoying thief. 'What's with him and his taunting?! He even put a heart at the end of it! Ugh... I need some coffee...'. I hear my sister start giggling.
"~giggle~ Oh sister, did this little thief's taunting get to you? How adorable!". She was laughing on the floor holding her stomach.
"Shut up Lulu, it's not funny!"
"Oh it is, trust me! ~giggle~ Now I really wonder who our little thief might be~". I groan at that, getting a giggle out of my sister.
~Ponyville~
~Tobias POV~
"And after I stole everything I wrote with cards on the wall thanking them for their generous donation!" I tell Discord as I start laughing, he following soon after. "Oh I wish I could see their faces now!"
"We can actually." Discord tells me with a serious look.
"No shit."
"Yeah we can."
"Then do it!"
Discord snaps his fingers and a small TV appears in front of us showing two ponies with wings and horns, one of them giggling it's ass off and the other groaning in annoyance.
"Awww they like your surprise!"
"They sure do! ~chuckle~ So those are the princesses huh?"
"Yup! The white one is Sunbutt and the blue one is Moonbutt!".
"Huh... Moonbutt looks kinda cute, what did ya' say her name was?" I ask Discord with curiosity.
"She's Luna, or Lulu for short. Why do you ask, did you fell in love at first sight?" He starts laughing.
"Pff no way, I was thinking if I could keep her as a pet. I wonder if she'll come if I give her biscuits?" At that, Discord starts laughing on the ground, and I join him shortly after.
Now, let's hope we have better success next week with our show...
"Twiiiii... Why don't we give up alreeeeeaaaaaaddddyyy... we've been searching for Discord for two weeks! Can we please just go buy tickets to the circus that came in? It looks really cool!" Rainbow told me for the 10th time today.
"Yeah, it looks really fun!" Pinkie said happy as ever.
"I saw the stallions who're in charge of it! One of them looks a bit weird... Disco Cord was his name, I think? He looked a little old. Oh but the other one, Fate Twister, oh my god! He is so cute! And his clothes are so stylish! C'mon Twilight can we please go buy some tickets before they sell out?" Rarity started begging me.
"Ugh fine... let's go buy the tickets..." I groan, finally giving up.
"Yay!" I hear the girls cheer in excitement.
We then went to the circus to buy the tickets and we waited in line. When we got to the end of it, we were greeted by a smooth and deep voice.
"Hello there ladies. How can I help ya'?". The owner of the voice was an earth pony with a light grey coat and a black main, he also had a shortish beard. His eyes were a deep orange. He was wearing a hat that looked a little like Applejack's and a long coat.
"Hello there, handsome" I heard Rarity whisper.
"Umm... Hi! Can you please give us 6 tickets?" 'Damn Rarity wasn't joking...'.
"Of course~" He pulls out some tickets and hands them to me. "See ya' ladies in 3 days when the show starts!"
"Goodbye!" We all walk away and the girls start chatting, while I was trying to calm down my heart.
~Tobias POV~
"Discord... they got the bait..." I said with a smirk.
"Oh wonderful! Finally... This is gonna pay off!" He said happily.
"Hmm... But first! We need some help over here, and I know the perfect person for it... Wait a minute." I pull out my card and teleport away.
~Another Equestria~
I appear behind my target, a small girl with blue hair and pink eyes in a maid outfit. I grab her from behind. "Can I borrow you for a second? K, thanks!" I then teleport back.
~Back to our Equestria~
"I'm back!" I say as I let go of the girl. As she elbows me.
"What the hell?! How the hell did you got here?" She screamed at me.
"Calm down! Don't you remember your old buddy TF?" I try to calm her down.
"Tobias?! How the hell did you got here?" Jinx looked at me confused.
"Oh silly Jinxy! We're not where you think you are! I teleported with you to my version of Equestria!" I try to explain to her.
"What do you mean by your version?" She looked really confused. And adorable. Really adorable.
"Ah just some complicated space magic shit. Multiple Equestrias, some different from each other. Where some random thrown into." I explain to her happily. Oh gosh she is so cute!
"How do you know that?"
"Magic.". I then make a card appear in my hand and show it to her. It had her cute face on it. To which she facepalmed. 'Huh... normally she would have started to giggle... this is weird.'
"What's with that expression?" She reads me like a book... Damn...
"Oh nothing, I just thought you were acting different from the usual crazy killy killy Jinx." I mean, last time I saw her she was rocket jumping around Piltover with Vi and Caitlyin after her, actually it was only Vi, Caitlyin was after me. Too bad Cait isn't the talkative type, I mean yeah I stole a priceless artifact but that's not a reason to shoot someone as pretty as me.
"That's because I am technically not Jinx. Right now at least." She explained calmly.
"What the fuck do you mean by that?" 'The fuck? The hell's this bitch talking about? This is some next level weird shit.'
"Well... it's a long story." She said as she looked away.
"I have time." I smiled.
"Ugh fine. It's not my fault if you don't believe me." She sighs. "First of all this body isn't mine or Jinx's, this is the body of my daughter, Lia. My name is Miki and at the moment there are 4 different people in this body."
"I don't get it." I said with a dumb look on my face as she deadpanned. "So what you are trying to tell me is that there are 4 people in the same body?"
"Yep, pretty much."
"So... are you 4 having an orgi from time to time?" That would sound really fun.
"~sigh~ Why the fuck would I want to have an orgi with my daughter? With Lucy yes, but not with Jinx and my daughter." I knew it!
"Can you invite me too if you decide to have an orgi?" I wanna joooooiiiiinnnnn tttthheeeemmm.
"Aren't you with Evelynn? You broke up or what?" She tilted her head.
"Nah we didn't broke up! She dumped me! Aaaaand I'm depressed now... Sigh..." What did I do wrong~ I lost a friend~
"Meh, I always hated her. Since I met her when I was still in my original body, damn bitch tried to steal from me until i pulled out a super shotgun and screamed at her, and when she became invisible, so i just put some thermovision glasses and shot her anyway." She said as she started looking a little angry.
"I liked her though... that explains the scar... she was still really cute..."
"So did you got who you wanted- Oh hello there!" Discord pops his head from the tent.
"What the hell? Aren't you supposed to be in stone?" She looked really confused and cute.
"Oh no! Twisted Fate got me out by throwing a weird card in my face."
"I am pretty sure you were still in stone when Tobias got me here. Oh wait nevermind multiple Equestrias."
"Tobias?" He asked tilting his head in confusion.
"God dammit Miki... It's my real name, I'm Tobias Foxtrot, Twisted Fate is my alias." I explained.
"Why didn't you tell me your real name then?" He said looking hurt.
"Cuz I wasn't sure if I could trust you."
"Fineeee... I go work on the effects." He then left and walked into the tent.
"So why did you got me here?" Miki asked, a little confused.
"Oh I need some help with my show. How about it?"
"Sure I guess? Better than walking around in the night, but in exchange you will be indebted to me with a favor. Deal?"
"Eh sure. If you ever need me, here." I throw her a card which she catches. "When you want my help just pull out the card and say 'Twisted Fate! I choose you!' or some shit like that. Or I'll just appear randomly when you're taking a shower or when I'm bored"
"~sigh~ Not like it's the first time that happens."
"Aww you're no fun~". Her reactions are quite boring to be honest...
"Because i got chased around and treated like a body pillow by a spider-pony hybrid all day..." She looked like she'd been to Hell and back 10 times.
"That sounds really fun! Wanna swap places?" I said with a shit eating grin.
"You realize she's into S&M right?"
"Eh... so the same shit with Evelynn. Not much difference."
"Mhm... i have more reasons to dislike her now..."
"Aww c'mon she wasn't that bad!"
"Yes. Yes she was."
"Ya're just being a little butthurt that's all!" I say while petting her head with a smile.
"No, she was annoying, really annoying with that invisible bullshit, i would love to see how she looks like trying to go invisible trough a crowd with those tits, who the fuck needs 2 huge bags of fat on your chest dangling around."
"Ya're just jealous that you're flat as a board. But don't worry your ass makes up for it more than enough!"
"You really are getting on my nerves you know?"
"So ya' gonna become like Tryndamere?"
"Who's Tryndamere?"
"The guy who acts like an enraged gorilla when he's angry." 'I swear to god he's actually a gorilla called Harambe dressed up as a human...'
"Yep, never hear of him."
"The husband of Ashe."
"I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about."
"Fuck it! Anyway here's what ya' gotta help me with! Put this on!" I give her an appropriate costume for the job.
"Huh... I thought you'd make me wear a playboy bunny outfit..." She said with a hint of surprise.
"We'll do that later, now we gotta show those ponies what a true show looks like!" I scream to the air while getting into a pose.
"Whatever you say. If you try to peek I'll shoot your dick off. I don't care if you see me naked but I won't let you see my daughter's naked body." Miki said while walking into a tent.
'This wasn't what I expected... But will work! Maybe I could get my hands on one of those hextech crystals she has... What? Did you actually think I wouldn't realize it? My thief senses were going off like crazy! Now let's get the show going..." I say chuckling darkly.
"HEY MIKI! FORGOT TO TELL YA TO SWITCH TO JINX IF POSSIBLE!" I screamed in her direction and shortly heard an "ok" from her.
~Twilight POV~
Me and the girl were waiting in our seats for the show to start. Popcorn and other snacks ready. The lights went off. A spotlight appeared in the middle of the stage. It showed an old looking unicorn stallion. He had brown fur, with a messy grey mane. His eyes were yellow, and he was wearing a black suit with a red tie. He had a black cane with him. He seemed familiar... 'Where have I seen him before... Hmm...'
"Hello everyone! Me and my friend, Fate wish to thank you for coming here! And welcome to our show! Now let's stop with all the nagging and let's get started!" Cheers were heard from everyone.
The other stallion appeared in a burst of cards, which was a little surprising since I felt no magic being used. The show was pretty fun, to be honest. There was a mare there with long blue twin tails, white fur and pink eyes. She was wearing a weird costume and had some cloud tattoos on her arm. The mare was being used in many of the magic tricks which, didn't contain any magic at all, that and she walked over a string placed really high between two platforms using her hair, how is that even posibile without magic? Weird...
Then the lights all went out again. Only one spotlight was shinning over the stallion called Fate Twister.
"Thank you all for coming here, but we will have to cut our meeting a little shorter than expected... But oh well! We'll have to give you a surprise that you will remember!" Then we saw a lot of white pigeons flying out from the smoke and we heard a deep voice. "The Magnificent Twisted Fate!"
When the smoke cleared we saw a weird bipedal creature and next to it... Discord... 'Wait a second... Discord... Disco Cord... Twisted Fate... Fate Twister... ~facehoof~ I can't believe I didn't realize it...' As I think that confusion starts to settle in on all the ponies...
"Discord?!"
"What's going on here?!"
"Hey where did my bits go?!"
"Mine disappeared too!"
"Now now... Everyone calm down..." The weird creature said. 'Wait... It's... smiling...'. "If ya' are wondering where did the old fart and the beautiful pony go? Oh it's simple! Ya' are looking at them! And seriously! Ya' guys are morons! I mean seriously! Disco Cord?! It's fucking Discord ya' dimwits! Also thank you for all your money! I will put it to good use! Now see later fuckers!" He then disappeared into a bunch of cards, and everyone else from the show did the same...
"Boop." Huh? When I turned to the sound I saw him boop Vinyl on the nose then disappear along with Discord and the weird mare which also turned into something similar to him. Discord disappearing shortly after a bow. Only one word came out of our mouths. "What?" Then we realised that he stole all our money... "That asshole!"
~Tobias POV~
Me, Jinx and Discord appeared in our cave laughing our asses off. "Weeeee~ That was fun!" Jinx said giggling like crazy.
"Yup! Anyway~ Thanks for helping! Do you want me to send you back?" I asked the blue haired girl.
"Nah, can I stay longer since I don't really have anything to do?" She said while tilting her head.
"Eh sure, why not? Wanna have some fun?"
"Sure." She said with a soft voice and a beautiful smile.
"But after it ya'll have to go back, cuz I have to finally go meet with a certain princess and ask her she she wants to be my pet."
"Do you think I want to go back to a S&M loving spider queen? And why do that?"
"Cuz she's cute, and you have no choice, I can't keep you around all the time, unless you also want to be my pet."
"Not in a thousand years."
"Whatever ya' say~"
"Also won't you get caught?" She said a little worried.
"Nah! There's no way those idiots have a chance to catch me! If they do I'll just teleport away! And it's not like Graves can find me here! I'm in another god damn dimension! He can't get here!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yeah I'm sure! If, by some chance, he somehow gets here, I'll come to your world, become your slave and do whatever you ask me to do for an entire week!"
"I am looking forward to that." She said with a cocky grin.
"Pff like that will ever happen!" I said while laughing. I then send her home after drinking some tea together and chatting.
~Whitewood Forest, near the castle of Canterlot~
A man was slowly getting up. He looked around and started screaming in the air with a raspy voice. "TOOOBIIIIIIAAAAAAASSS!"
I was just a man, trying to make some money in this accursed world, but then I met him... he introduced himself as Tobias Foxsomething... Can't remember his entire name... Anyway... He was a mysterious fellow, and he offered to make a team with me, I agreed.
Times were good. We were making loads of money from our criminal acts... Everything was fine and dandy until one heist... Which went horribly wrong... And what did that bastard I called a friend do? He left me to get captured... I've been sent to prison... I don't know how much time passed, but it felt like an eternity...
I did manage to get out eventually... I got myself a shotgun from the best gunsmith, Miki was her name, interesting fellow... Then I went to search that bastard... And I've been chasing him since...
I was now in piltover, I was so close to catching him... So close... But he teleported to hell knows where... I approached the merchant who was smiling and asked, one simple question. "Where did he go?" He answered me by giving me a card with a sun and a moon on it. "What in tarnation is this?!" The moment those words left my mouth, a circle of cards appeared around my feet, all I could manage to say before disappearing was the following. "Thanks partner." Then I blacked out.
~Equestria, Whitewood Forest~
I woke up grunting from the pain. I was not used to teleportation. I got to my feet, and screamed at the top of my lungs. "TOOOOBIIIIAAAAAAASS!!!"
"Ah... I feel a little better now..." I said as I started walking in a random direction. 'I wonder where is that bastard... I've got a feeling I'm not on Runeterra anymore..."
After a while I notice a giant white castle build on the side of the mountain. "How in tarnation did they even built that? And why is it so shiny?!" I'm getting some weird feeling from this castle... But I go there anyway, since I got no other choice 'Might as well check it out...'
When I got there I saw two... 'Horses?... With spears?... In golden armor?... This... Is ridiculous... Whatever... I need to find Tobias...' I walked up to them, and noticed they showed some fear when they saw me, but still pointed their spears at me... Not bad... "Ya' two... Bring me to yar leader... Now..." I growled at them.
"N-No! W-Why w-would we let s-such a c-creature as yourself s-see our p-princesses?!" They said at the same time, both visibly shaken with fear.
"DON'T FUCK WITH ME YA' STUPID HORSE!"I said full of anger and picked both of them up. ""YAR GONNA GET ME THA' YAR PRINCESS! NOW! I screamed, my rage piercing their very soul.
"Y-Yes! W-We a-are s-sorry!" I could hear a small 'Please don't eat us' as they opened the door and lead me to their 'princesses'.
I arrived to a gigantic golden door with two horses on it, both had wings and horns. The 'guards' as they call themselves opened the door after they talked with their princesses about me.
When I entered I saw two giant horses, bigger than the rest, one of them had pure white fur and a mane with the colors of the rainbow, which swayed in an inexistent breeze, she had yellow eyes, wore a motherly smile, but I could see caution in her eyes... Interesting... She was wearing some golden regalia and a tiara, and had both wings and a horn, unlike the others, who had either a horn, wings, or nothing. The other 'princess' was the complete opposite of the first, she was a little smaller, but still big, she had both a horn and wings, but that's where the similarities end, she had a deep blue fur and a black mane with what looked like stars all over it, it's hair swayed in an inexistent breeze as the other, she had deep blue eyes and on her face was caution, which it didn't try to hide, unlike the other. I then noticed that both of them had some kind of tattoo on their... Flanks?... I think that was the word... The white one had a sun, while the blue one had a moon.
"Hello there, I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, and this is my sister," She gestured to the blue one. "Princess Luna. Now might I ask why did you frighten our little ponies like that?" She asked while smiling.
"They were getting on my nerves... And I needed to speak to you two about some... important matters..." I said with a low growl.
"What could these 'important matters' be? And might you tell us your name?" She said while still smiling.
"Name's Graves... Malcolm Graves... And I've come to ask something... Have ya' heard, or seen someone who goes by the name, Twisted Fate..." They flinched at that... They know something.
"Actually, yes, we did hear about him. So far he's stole two royal treasures and from an entire town their bits. Why do you ask?" She tilted her head. I smirked.
"Oh, great. This makes it all the easier... See Princess, I could help you with dealing with him, for free. All I want is him..." They were surprised at that.
"Why would you want him so badly though?" She was curious about it, huh?
"I've got some personal issues with him... And I wish to have him make up for them..." I said, not explaining the fact that I want to split his head open with my hands.
"Oh? Alright then, I don't see why not?" Perfect... "But, do you mind if some ponies come with you, and help you with your search?" Tsk... Eh gonna have to deal with it...
"Fine... I accept."
"Perfect." She smiled warmly. "They will arrive in a few minutes, so please wait a bit." She said as she started writing a letter, and... Burned it... What in tarnati- oh wait... That's magic... Makes sense...
"I can wait." I said as I leaned against the wall. Both of them had nervous faces as we waited.
~A few minutes later~
The door burst open as six ponies came running and all said at the same time. "Princess! What's the urgent news?!" Ugh... They were all so god damn colorful... Nope... No fucking way I'm describing all of them. Nope.
Celestia smiled gently. "Oh it's nothing that urgent, perhaps I made it seem like it's a big deal in my letter... If so I am sorry. Anyway. The news are the following: you will be having some help with the capturing of Discord and his friend, Twisted Fate." She then pointed to me. All of them looked at me and seemed a little shocked.
"Howdy. Name's Graves... Malcolm Graves... And I'll tell ya' now, I don' give a damn 'bout this Discord fellow, but if he's with that bastard then I'll help ya'. Oh and one more thing... I don't care what ya' fellows will do with that Discord, but Twisted Fate... No... Tobias... Is mine... Did I make myself clear?" I said growling at them. If this fools think they'll take Tobias, I will personally blow their head to pieces...
"Of course, Mr Malcolm." Celestia said with her usual gentle smile. 'Huh... At least she knows not to anger me...'. "I assume Tobias is the real name of Twisted Fate, am I right?" I nodded. "Good. Now this are the Elements of Harmony: Twilight Sparkle, as the Element of Magic," She pointed to the purple one... She reminded me of Ryze... "Rainbow Dash, as the Element of Loyalty," Vi... definitely... "Pinkie Pie, as the Element of Laughter," Ugh... Jinx... I already have a headache... "Applejack, as the Element of Honesty," I raised an eyebrow. "Nice hat." I told her to which she tipped it with a smile. "Rarity, as the Element of Generosity," She looks annoying... "And Fluttershy, as the Element of Kindness." Reminds me a lot of Janna...
Also what the hell is this? The Elements of Harmony? Really? Ugh... Whatever... Let's get this over with.
Twilight tried to say something but I was quicker. "Now, before ya' ponies say anythin', I'm telling ya' now that I don't give a damn... Now use yar flim flamy magic bullshit and get me to where in tarnation ya' last saw Tobias..."
And with that we teleported away in the flash of purple.
After Jinx... Miki... I don't know anymore... left, me and Discord had a looooooong conversation about what we should do next. In the end we decided that it'd be best if we stopped going all sneaky sneaky cuz it was getting boring already, with the usual rutine being: Steal food, eat, steal another royal treasure, laugh at Sunbutt's anger (which is fun as hell), then go to sleep. We'd been doing that for around 2 months, I think. And now is the time to stand out, and go annoy this 'Elements of Harmony' that Discord told me about. And maybe take some ponies as my pets.
"Alright, but if we want to do that we will have to steal one of the Elements of Harmony itself, but we need you to be able to represent one of the Elements." Discord said in a serious tone.
"Sure thing. Let's see which one represents me!" I said with my usual smile.
"Alright... How about Laughter?"
"Probably not. I mean, I'm a lot better at making people angry then making them laugh" I said with a chuckle which Discord returned.
"Hmm... Generosity?"
"More like Greed."
"Kindness?"
"No way in hell." 'Me? Kind? Nah.'
"What about honesty? You are pretty honest most of the time."
"I lied way too much in my life and tricked too many people to be called honest" 'I mean, I just tricked some ponies into giving me all their money.'
"Ok then... Loyalty?"
"I would say I'm loyal but Graves would strongly disagree." I said while laughing.
"If you say so. The last is Magic."
"Totally me." Discord raised an eyebrow.
"How so?"
"I can use the Magic of the Cards, can teleport where I want, no matter what, and I can make people's belongings magically disappear!" I said with a smirk, to which Discord facepalmed.
"Ah let's just do it... It's not like we have a choice..." Discord said with a sigh.
"Hell yeah!" I said happily. Finally... Some actual fun... "Welp... Time to get myself a tiara" I chuckled at the thought as I teleported away.
~One teleportation later~
I teleported inside the tree house transformed library... This place is so confusing... I let out a sigh of relief at the fact that the ponies weren't here.
"Now... Where would I put a valuable jewelry which can save the world... Hmm..." I started looking around the house. And found a box under the bed... Which contained the tiara... "Are ya' fuckin' kiddin' me? Is this bitch a fuckin' idiot?" I shrugged my shoulders, picked up the tiara and placed a note and a card in it's place.
I teleported away back to Discord
~One teleportation later~
"Got it~" I said cheerfully and put the tiara on my head. "How do I look?" I said with a chuckle.
"Hmm... Not bad..." He made an evil grin... I don't like that face... "I think you'll look better like this." He snapped his fingers and I felt like something was missing...
"Discord..." Then I noticed my voice was way higher than it should be... "Ya'..." My eyes were shining with flame of hatred to which Discord looked a little scared. "Are a fucking genius!" He looked at me confused, only one word coming out of his mouth. "What."
"C'mon! Let's go fuck around the town!" I grabbed his hand and we teleported into town." This will be fun.
~Twilight POV~
After meeting Graves we teleported back to Ponyvile, and to our surprise everything was in chaos... Not the discord kind of chaos, no, worse.
From the sky there was raining... Panties? That is weird... Especially the fact that some ponies were running around grabbing them...
I looked at Graves who had a look that was saying. 'I've seen way too much shit in my life to be moved by something of this level.' Then we heard a shout.
"I AM THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS IN THE WORLD!" We all looked to the voice and saw a weird creature that looked like Graves and that thief Tobias... Only female. And to my surprise she had the element of Magic on her head... WHAT?!
"Wait a minute..." Graves said with an angry tone. "TOBIAS! THAT'S YA' ISN'T IT?! WHY THE FUCK ARE YA' A WOMAN?! GET YAR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
"Make me ya' son of a bitch!" Said Tobias laughing like a maniac. To which Graves responded by pulling us that thing he called a 'Shotgun' and started shooting at Tobias.
"Whoa! Careful there! It's almost like ya' wanna kill little me." Tobais said laughing.
"That's cuz I am!" He started shooting again but Tobias teleported away. "Where in tarnation did he go?!" He started running in a direction at what looked like random... Oh dear... Me and the girls started following him
~Graves POV~
'I can't fucking believe it... That fucker Tobias became a woman... WHAT THE FUCK?! Agh I'm still killing that bastard.' I started running to the middle of the town. He's done this kind of shit before. He always goes to the middle of town to show off...
When I arrived there I saw him... or in this case her sitting on a throne made out of... Sigh... Cards... And next to him was a creature that looked like it was made out of random animals put together. It honestly looked like something that came out of Zaun... That fucked up place was full of monsters and crazy fuckers...
"Oh lookie lookie here, Discord! We have a visitor! And it's Mr Graves! What can I, the prettiest princess in the world, do for ya' sweetie?" Tobias said in a childish manner while the creature called Discord... Oh yeah the princesses talked about him... Was holding his head in his arms.
"Tobias..." I said gritting my teeth. "Did ya' forget already? HOW YA' LEFT ME TO DIE?!" I screamed full of rage. At that moment the Elements arrived behind us.
"Oh how could I forget, dear Graves... But I've told you countless times... It was worth the price... I mean, look at me!" She stood up from the throne, her eyes shining blue and cards floating around her in multiple circles. "I became the Master of Cards!" She chuckled as I grit my teeth in anger. "Fufu... Ya' know... I always wanted to be able to use magic... All my life... The 'magic of cards' that my people teached me... That's not even magic... Just a trick... I was really sad when I realized it, ya' know?" She looked behind me for a second looking at the Elements before turning back to her monologue. "Do ya' realize how I felt when someone offered me real magic that I could use? For what price though? My best friend..." Did... Tobias... Look sad? "It was hard, ya' know? Choosing between my best friend and my childhood dream? But in the end I took the offer... Don't know if it was the right choice... But I did it anyway..." I looked at Tobias in the eye... She... Wasn't lying... "Of course... I felt bad for doing this to ya'... So I made sure they won't kill ya'... That was all I could do... After all... Ya' were and are my best friend..." Tobias sighted and fell on the throne Discord looking at her with his eyes full of surprise.
I opened my mouth to speak. "Tobias... I... Accept yar apology... But I want something in return..." She looked at me surprised.
"And what would that be, Graves?" She said tilting her head.
"YAR LIFE!" I screamed and started shooting at her.
Tobias ducked and hid herself behind the throne. "C'mon Graves! Can't we work this out somehow?"
"NO" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"C'mon! For old times sake?"
I respond by throwing a grenade at him. He quickly jumped away from the throne landing face first in the ground and groaning. I slowly walked at her and put my gun at her head. "It's over ya' bastard... I got ya' a nice one way ticket to hell!" As I pressed the trigger she disappeared in a flash of light and appeared up in the sky on another card throne.
Tobias opened her mouth to speak. "I feel hurt, Graves... That really, REALLY hurt my feelings, ya' know?" She said with a hurt expression. "Oh well..." He turned to the Elements "Thank ya' for letting me have yar tiara, I mean it looks a lot better on me then ya' anyway. Oh and tell Sunbutt I took all her cake, and some picture of Lulu when she was a baby, and I have to say, she is simply adorable! Ask her if she wants to be my pet, she'll get lots of cuddles and hugs."
Twilight looked at Tobias in confusion. Pinking then raised her hand like a child in school. "Oh! Oh! Tobi! Why are you a girl?!"
"Oh simple! I asked Discord to curse me so whenever I wear a tiara I become a girl!" She said with a smile. 'What the fuck is wrong with Tobias' head...' Pinkie giggle and said with a smile. "Thankies!"
"But... Why would you ask him to curse you?" Twilight asked in confusion.
"Cuz it's more fun that way!" She said happily. "And I am the prettiest princess!"
All the ponies looked at her like she was crazy... which she probably was...
"Oh well! See ya' later!" She smiled then teleported away.
All this time Discord spent laughing in the air, and when Tobias teleported away he did too.
~Canterlot, Third Person~
Celestia and Luna were watching the event though a portal. Celestia was gritting her teeth in anger, her mane became flames as hot as the sun. SHE STOLE HER CAKE!
Luna was laughing at what was happening and at her sister's reaction. Although she had a slight blush on her face at the pet part and the baby photos. For some reason she wanted to meet him.
""We have to meet Tobias Foxtrot and have a talk with him."" They both said at the same time. To which they giggled a little and went to do their duties for the day and the necessary preparations to take a day off.
Everything was nice and quiet in the land of Equestria. The ponies were all sleeping happily and the nocturnal ones were enjoying their life. The Lunar Princess was watching all her subjects with a smile. Everything was going as nicely as ever, nothing seemed like it could disturb this peace. Too bad that the univers had other plans...
All of a sudden, everypony in Equestria got startled by a loud sound. "DUN DUN DUN" It woke up all those who were sleeping. And it front of everypony's eyes was a black box with the words: 'You have been invaded by 'THE LEGEND'. Nopony knew what that thing was, except two certain princesses.
In the middle of Canterlot castle, in the throne room a red circle appeared on the ground. And from it rose a giant man, with a 'Mask of the Father' and he wore the armor of giants. Big plate armor that nothing in the world could scratch. And with all the poise a man- no, a GOD would ever need! He held a giant sword that created fire from nothing! It had tons of spikes, maces, pickaxes, axes and other swords glued to it. It had 5 crazy scratching goblins. 50 virgins were glued to it. Wings of demons and angels alike. The skulls of all kinds of monsters. And the most dangerous of all, THE SPOON OF DEATH. That, was the legendary 'Zweihander'. He spoke in the manliest voice ever heard in the entire multiverse.
"Guess who's back, bitch?!" The whole castle shook with the manly power of his voice.
Celestia woke up with fear, just as her sister entered the room. "Sister!" She looked around with fear in her eyes and closed the door. "D-Did you see it too?"
"Y-Yes... First it was that thief Twisted Fate... Now HE is back..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Then the door was smashed open, and HE... The Legend... The one who's name make gods tremble in fear... The almighty... The one who is the reason all the alicorns are dead... Why the world is so weak and peaceful... Why there are no wars... For the fear of HIM coming back... Giant Dad... Has entered the room. "FOUND YOU, SCRUB!"
Both sisters screamed in horror. "KYAAAAAAAAH!" And ran away filled with pure terror.
"RUN! RUN COWARDS! I'M COMING FOR YOU~!"
The princesses ran as fast as they could. But ended up at a dead end, which had a human skeleton bend over with a sign under it: 'Try tongue, but hole'. Which scared them even more.
They quickly teleported into a volcano where they thought they would be safe. But, yet again, they saw a human skeleton, which, this time, looked like it was trying to get out of the lave, and a sign next to it: 'Don't give up skeleton!' The moment they finished reading the sign a hand popped out of the lava and THE LEGEND came out of it. "YAH CAN'T RUN FROM MEH YAH BEYATCHES!" And again the princesses screamed and teleported away. Giant Dad wiggled his hands like he was a vegetable with spaghetti hands and made a weird sound as he teleported after them with 'Da Powar' "BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB~"
It seems that if you don't concentrate when you teleport, you seem to end up in pretty weird places. As they ended up on a ship. Which happened to be attacked by pirates... Great...
The princesses were trying to understand what the hell was going on when the pirates jumped on the ship and started attacking the normal sailors. But as both of the alicorns were starting to gather magic in their horns they heard a BOOM and a weird squid like creature with multiple eye patches on it, only having one eye that wasn't covered, the creature being shot from a cannon onto the ship while screaming "I'M IN CHARGE NOW!"
"What in my name is going on here..." Mumbled the sun princess as she saw the squid creature jump around screaming and swinging its sword around like a hyperactive psychopath.
Then out of the water a giant kraken appeared with Giant Dad on top of it "HAHAHAHAHA YA' CAN'T RUN FROM MEH"
When Luna saw him she grabbed the squid thingy with her magic and threw it at Giant Dad, the squid thingy screaming "I'M IN CHARGE NOW!" The moment the pirate squid hit THE LEGEND it just bounced off his armor like it was nothing.
"WHAT RINGS YOU GOT, BITCH?!" And then the kraken sinked the ship... Along with everyone on it... But somehow the princesses managed to teleport at the last moment.
They were now on an ice mountain... On top of it... Where a giant castle was located... What it was in front of it however... Oh dear...
In front of the castle was Giant Dad sitting on a giant throne of swords with his sword inside a dragon's skull. He was surrounded by small versions of him who all had a high pitched and cartoonish voice.
"Here they are boss!"
"Let's get 'em boss!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
"We got you boss!"
"Ye boss!"
"We'll get em boss!"
"Ye boss! You da best!"
"We'll kill them all boss!"
THE LEGEND pulled his sword and pointed it at them while a blue fire cane out of his mask's eyes. Then the minions attacked.
"CHAAAAARGE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAH"
"LEEEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEEEENKIIIIIINNNNSSS!"
"MRGLAAAAARGH!"
"DEMACIAAAAAA"
"FOR NOXUUUUS!"
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The epic battle started. Celestia was disintegrating the Little Giant Dads with the power of the sun, while Luna was shooting moonlight at them and cutting them with a Moonlight Greatsword. Sometime in the fight a man dressed in armor with a helmet that looked like bucket on his head had joined them in 'Jolly Co-Operation' while screaming "Praise the sun!" The minions died easily, but they were just so many!
After 10 days they managed to kill all the Little Giant Dads. Then THE LEGEND stood from his pile of skulls "WELL? WHAT IS IT?!" his voice boomed when he charged. The Sun knight who came to help stood no chance... He had fallen to the stunlock. Celestia and Luna were beaten easily and Giant Dad was about to finish them while screaming "PRINCESSES OF THE EAST?! MORE LIKE PRINCESSES OF THE DECEASED!"
"Stop." A heavenly voice came from the sky. They all stopped and looked with amazement to the voice and saw a giant Tinyfin sitting in the clouds while wearing a monocle, a top hat, a bow tie and a suit. He also had a mustache like no other. "Giant Dad... You cannot exist in this peaceful land... Your power is not made to corrupt this place... LEAVE NOW OR YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED!"
THE LEGEND laughed. "HOW HILARIOUS! DO YOU THINK SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING TO ME?! HA! TRY ME BITCH!"
"As you wish..." The Tinyfin lowered his hand to him and started erasing him with an eraser.
THE LEGEND screamed in agony and pain. But managed to say in the end before disappearing."YOU MIGHT HAVE GOT ME NOW, BUT I WILL BE BACK! THE LEGEND NEVER DIES!"
And so, the land was peaceful again, now that THE LEGEND was erased from the universe.
~Meanwhile in a cave 10.000 km underground~
Tobias and Discord were on the ground laughing their asses off after looking at what happened trough a magic TV.
One day, Tobias was bored. Discord was bored too. But, all of a sudden, Tobias thought of something interesting.
"Hey Discord... Do you guys have Easter here?" Said the Card Master to the God of Chaos.
"Easter? What's that?" The Mad God said in a confused tone.
"Well it's something like a holiday related to the death and rebirth of the son of God from another univers. But all I care about is the fact that in other places is just a Holiday where people supposedly get chocolate eggs from the Easter Bunny, which is a giant pink bunny or something like that." Said Tobias with a cheerful smile.
"Alright... I think I get it. What about it?" Discord tilted his head in confusion.
"How about we make the holiday here as well! With me as the easter bunny!" While saying that Tobias' smile was reaching Pinkie Pie levels.
"This is why I hang out with you! But how do we do it though?" Our favorite insane villain said.
"Simple! I will need you to make me into a woman again and give me bunny ears and a bunny tail! And a costume like this!" Tobias pulled out a picture from his pocket and showed it to Discord.
"Alright! But why do you have that picture?" Discord said while having a face that read 'What use would you even have for it?'
"Research!" Tobias said with a grin. At first Discord was confused, but he quickly understood what his friend meant by 'research' and from his face you could read 'Really?'
"So you use it for wanking when you aren't going to an interspatial strip club?" Discord said in a deadpan voice while Tobias' face acquired a smile that was even bigger than Pinkie's, which basically looked like his face has been split in half. Discord groaned at his friend's actions and snapped his fingers, transforming Tobias into what he asked.
"Alright! Now I need a shit load of chocolate eggs!" He said cheerfully, to which Discord groaned again and snapped his fingers making a basket of chocolate eggs appear in Tobias' hands. "Hey! There aren't nearly enough chocolate eggs here!" The man-transfromed-bunnygirl said while puffing her cheeks.
"They are infinite. They will replenish once they are empty." The mad god said with a tired look on his face.
"Oh... Thanks then!" She giggled "Time for BunnyGirl Saibo to spread love and chocolate to all the ponies in Equestria!" 'Saibo', which is literally Tobias writed from end to start but without the 'T', said as she teleported in a small explosion of confetti and carrots while giggling.
"What am I gonna do with this man..." Discord said with a melancholic expresion and a small smile. "I hope he never changes..."
And so, Saibo teleported to every home in Equus, in all the evil villain's lairs, the princesses' castle, and even Tartarus; and left behind 3 chocolate eggs for each person, be it pony, griffin, diamond dog or even demon! Everyone got free chocolate! The next day everyone was happy but a little confused as to who would put themselves into so much trouble to give everyone chocolate eggs. This day and date will become a holiday called Easter, because next to each 3 eggs there was a small note with the following on it.
Happy Easter! ^_^ -The Easter Bunny
This even continuing to happen each year on this exact day.
Little did they know that 'The Easter Bunny' was also the greatest thief and annoyance in the History of Equus.
Dra'Nakyuek The Destroyer of Worlds has come to claim your soul
It was a calm night in the peaceful land of Equestria. The sky was clear and the moon was shining brightly. Our favorite thief was eating popcorn with Discord while watching old monster movies. But, of course this won't last long since Tobias said a certain phrase...
"Ah... There's no way something bad will happen today! Right, Discord?" At the cheerful words of the card master Discord instantly became terrified.
"Tobias... I really like you, you know that?" Tobias nodded at the god's words "But whenever you say something like that, bad things are sure to happen..." At those words Tobias laughed.
"Oh Discord, what's the worst that could happen?" The moment he said those words a music started all of a sudden. "Oh fuck... That sounds bad... That's Silent Hill music... Alright this is really REALLY REALLYREALLYREALLY bad ..." Both of them looked at each other terrified.
At that moment a satanic summoning rune appeared on the ground... And everything turned red as blood seemed to flow from everywhere...
From the circle came a creature... OH GOD WAS IT'S TERRIFYING! AAAAAAAAAAGH "I aM dRa'nAkYuEk ThE dEsTrOyEr Of WoRlDs! I hAvE cOmE tO cLaIm YoUr SoUl!" Discord and Tobias looked at it before screaming the girliest manliest screams ever heard in the univers, before they both bolted away.
"TOBIAAAAAS THIS IS ALL YOUR FAAAAAUUULT!!!" Discord screamed while running from whatever the fuck that this was.
"HEY! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I'LL SUMMON DRA'NAKYUEK THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS?!" Tobias screamed back at the mad god.
"What the hell are we supposed to do now?! I don't think the giant cute murloc godlike thingy will save us this time!"
"Oh! Oh! I know! How about we make a shrine to the Tinyfin and pray so he saves us!" Tobias said with a stupid smile.
"You're an idiot... Any other ideas?!"
"Oh! I know... We'll summon THE DEVIL HIMSELF TO FIGHT IT!" Tobias said with a twisted smile.
"HOLY SHIT THAT IDEA IS EVEN WORSE!" Discord felt like he was becoming sane again.
"Oh don't worry it'll work! You distract that thing while I summon the Devil!" Tobias said as he teleported.
"Oh god this won't turn out well..." Discord said groaning.
As the mad god continued running away like a little bitch from that monstrosity he was thinking how he could possibly distract it for long enough without getting himself killed in the process. There was the idea of getting it to Ponyvile, but that would be bad since everyone who's nice will die as well... But then it hit him... He could send it to Canterlot which is full of stuck up assholes. And so he did it. Teleported Dra'Nakyuek into the throne room for the Butt-Princesses to deal with, while he was eating popcorn while watching the scene unfold.
~Meanwhile in a creepy clearing~
Tobias was drawing a really complex pattern for a giant summoning circle with some blood which he took from a blood bank. And then he started the summoning while putting up 100 different types of poisonous mushrooms inside the circle while chanting an incantation in a weirdly high pitched voice.
The circle started shinning and HE appeared. As Tobias saw that he started laughing like a madman before teleporting the monster he has summoned along with himself to Canterlot Castle.
~Canterlot Castle, while Tobias was summoning~
Celestia and Luna were struggling to not get killed from that... Whatever the hell that thing is... While this entire time Discord was laughing while eating popcorn on a cloud. Neither one of them seemed to even scratch that thing.
"DAMN IT, DISCORD! WHY DON'T YOU HELP US?!" Screamed Celestia at Discord while he continued laughing, which earned him a groan from both princesses.
Then, as if things couldn't get worse, the famous infamous thief appeared as well from the usual circle of cards.
"Umm... I suggest EVERYONE gets the fuck out of here." Said Tobias in a panic.
"Oh no... Did something go wrong Tobias?" Discord said with a concerned voice.
""DISCORD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"" Both sisters screamed at the god.
"Oh no... It actually went well... BUT... It isn't the Devil I was expecting... It's even worse..." He said while starting to sweat.
"Worse? How could it be wo-" Started Discord but then something small came into his view.
"Captain Teemo on duty!" Said the little furry creature.
"Aww it's so cute!" Said Lulu with a smile.
"Tobias are you delusional? How can this little thing be worse then the Devil?" Said Discord with a deadpan tone.
"FOOOOOOOOOOOLS!!! DO NOT BE TRICKED BY ITS CUTE APPEARANCE! IT IS THE DEVIL HIMSELF!" Tobias screamed with all his might.
"You can't be seri-" Started Celestia but was interrupted by a wicked laugh.
They turned around and saw the furry creature grow bigger and bigger, its fur turning red, eyes becoming insane and growing 2 horns on his head and a devil tail... OH GOD! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
The fight between the two monstrosities was so epic, so orgasmic, so cool and beautiful that it cannot be described in any number of words, no matter how complicated they might become; in other words: Fuck you I ain't explaining shit.
When the battle of the millennia was over, Dra'Nakyuek, The Destroyer of Worlds emerged victorious, much to our heroes' despair. But when The Devil, also known as Satan or how we know him, Teemo, was being sucked back into his domain, he grabbed Dra'Nakyuek's leg and pulled him too, sending both of them into the abyss, and with that, our favorite fucker, Tobias said happily: "ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN!", which was followed by Discord, Celestia and Luna bitch slapping him at the same time.
THE END
Yeah, seriously. I'm a god now. Yes, I am 100% sure of that. Also I'm Santa now! Not literally of course, since I didn't become an old fatty with a big white beard, but metaphorically as in I gave gifts to everyone.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, there could be some side effects, which include but are not limited to: death, losing your conscience and becoming someone else entirely, get sent to a random dimension, become an eldritch horror, turn into a gay frog, become a cute little plushy, get a weird urge to do back flips every 5 minutes, get sexually attracted to grass, start identifying as an apache attack helicopter, and so on!" Discord listed of as Tobias was sitting on a chair smiling like an idiot.
"All of them sound like pros to me though?" Discord looked at him for a second before choosing to let his hand make love to his face with a facepalm. "What? They are! Oh c'mon ya wuss! I caused enough chaos around here that you could destroy a galaxy! Want me to list all of them off?" Tobias said with face splitting smile.
"...You are going to list them off anyway, aren't you?..." Discord deadpanned.
"Yup!" Was the happy answer he got from the card master.
"Fine... You know... Sitting with me really changed you. Probably all the chaos making you... What's the word?... Hmm... Ah doesn't matter." He waved it off.
"Alright! Let's start! *ahem*" Tobias started as his voice became one of a narrator.
The List Of Almost All The Things Tobias Did From The Day He Arrived To Equestria To The Present
Stealing a fuck load of things Pissing off the Princesses Wasting everyone's time Liberating a god trapped in stone More stealing Making a circus with someone from another dimension Bringing a guy who wants to murder him to this world Ruining the life of said guy by making him live with ponies for the rest of his life Being the reason why an invader from another land came again into this dimension and terrorizing the princesses Mind fucking with the princesses Stealing Celestia's cake Running around throwing cards at people Causing concussions to multiple guards Kissing the princesses in their sleep and screaming "I HAVE AWOKEN THE SLEEPING BEAUTY FROM HER ETERNAL SLEEP" when they woke up, quickly teleporting away after that Doing what is listed above to multiple mares across Equestria Creating a giant rubber duck that now floats happily across the seas Drawing dicks on random houses Summoning Dra'Nakyuek The Destroyer Of Worlds Summoning The Devil Changing a town so everything that was west is now east, what's north is now south and so on Dancing on the grave of someone Summoning multiple dancing spooky scary skeletons at Nightmare Night Throwing pancakes from above Canterlot Castle, saying he was making pancake rain Bankrupting multiple casinos Cheating A fuck load of cheating Almost summoning Cthulhu and dooming Equestria Yo-ho-yo-ho a pirate's life for me Screaming with a weird accent that he said is Scottish Asking the Princesses if he can put Excalibur in the Wizard's sleeve Screaming random words which we later found out were names used by the Scottish to refer to male and female genitalia Singing a song about Rye Wiskey
Drinking Equestria's entire reserve of alcohol Making really strong alcohol which he called "The Good Shit" Introducing hallucinatory drugs Introducing sex toys Selling figurines of himself to kids Making fun of a statue of Celestia by saying, and I quote "CELESTIA WANTS A HUG!" Proclaiming himself to be Pirate King Actually going out and becoming the Pirate King Screamed to a pony who wanted to kill himself to do a flip Opened the Nerconomicon Read the Necronomicon Moonwalking down the streets of Ponyvile Made a fence of impaled puppets with fake blood along the borders of Equestria One word: Tentacles Ran after some guards with a gigantic dildo Beat said guards with the gigantic dildo Running and screaming "Rush B Cyka Blyat at ponies the following while wearing some weird armor and having a gun in his hands Squatting on top of Canterlot Castle eating seeds Saying "Idi Nahui" to anyone who tried to ask him to go away Blasting hardbass and doing the following with multiple drunk ponies and Discord
Teleporting in a fur coat in front of the princesses in the middle of summer just to say that Winter is coming and then teleporting away.
"Along with others which I won't mention cuz I got bored of saying all of them." Discord was looking with an annoyed expression at how long it took him to finally finish.
"Glad you decided to finally finish..."
"But of course." Tobias said with a french accent.
"Can we just do this stupid ritual already? I feel like my cake's getting burned." An oven with a cake inside it appeared, from which smoke started coming out.
"I got it, I got it! Now get rid of the oven! I don't want my clothes to smell of burnt cake." Those words being said with an overly whiny voice, which reminded Discord of a certain marshmallow. Discord snapped his talons with a chuckle and the oven disappeared. "So does it include some weird made up words and some randomly made runes?"
"No, that'd be retarded. Just sit there and I'll channel the chaos you made into you."
"Makes sense."
"Totally."
"Yup."
"No doubt."
"One hundred percent."
"Yeah."
"Can we start already?" Tobias broke the silence to express his ever so growing annoyance.
"We should. I was getting bored as well." Discord snapped his talons and Tobias soon found himself enveloped by the chaotic essence he created from the time he first arrived into this land. He felt his body explode into millions of tiny pieces, each and every one of those little pieces being infused with an otherworldly power. Only when every piece was overflowing with magic did they all come back together.
"Huh... I don't feel THAT different. I mean sure, I feel powerful as fuck, but besides that nothing."
"Well duh! What did you expect? That you'd feel like you are in a new body or something? Pff yeah right. That only happens in stories." Discord said while rolling his eyes. "Although we ARE in a story..." He quietly whispered so nobody could hear him.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, just your IMAGINAAAAAAAAAATIOOOOOOOOOON! WOOOOO!" Discord answered quickly while wiggling his arms around like a god damn boiled vegetable.
"Whatever. So, the plan's complete. All I need is a way to give them all an unforgettable goodbye... But how?" Tobias pondered while sitting down with his legs crossed.
"Dunno. Hearth's Warming Eve is coming up soon though" Discord said with a shrug.
"DISCORD YOU ARE A GENIUS!" Tobias said with a smile and starts shaking Discord by the shoulders.
"Wat."
"That's it! I'M GONNA BE SANTA!" He continued with a big smile on his face.
"Santa? Who's that?" Discord asked confused.
"An old fat dude in a red costume that gives gifts to good people and gives jack shit to bad people. He also rides a flying sledge pulled by eight reindeer." Tobias told him while suppressing a snicker.
"That sounds stupid. But fun nonetheless! Oh my god, we have to give Tia some Sunny D!"
"Oh shit!" The Kool-Aid Man then exploded into millions of tiny glass shards.
"O-Okay? That was weird." Tobias said looking at the shards on the ground, then shrugs. "Ok so, all we need is a big ass sledge."
"Who's gonna pull it though?" Discord asked while tilting his head.
"You of course!" As those words left Tobias mouth, Discord only had enough time for his face to warp into one of horror before Tobias jumped on him.
~5 minutes later~
"I hate this." Discord said with his hands crossed, having been forced into a reindeer costume.
"Ah shush. Just deal with it."Tobias told him while starting to tie him up to the big red sledge that he pulled out of nowhere. "Aaaaaaaand done!" He smiled happily while looking at his work. "C'mon grumpy face! IT'S TIME TO SAVE CHRISTMAS!"
"Save it from what?"
"Nothing, I just always wanted to say that." Tobias' answer was met with a facepalm from Discord. "Doesn't matter! Let's go!" He jumped in and with a groan of annoyance Discord took off.
And so, the two went off, to accomplish their goal of spreading happiness to the land. Just like the legend says, they managed to reach every single house in the land in a single night, giving everyone presents and sweets, spreading the Christmas spirit!
The next morning, every pony, griffin, and whatever creature that had sentience were surprised to find a decorated Christmas Tree with gifts under it. All that was left as from whoever left them this gifts, was a small note, with beautiful writing on it. "-From Santa Clause" was what it said. From big and small, young and old, everyone forget all the troubles for just one day, and enjoyed it with all their heart.
Applejack got a new stetson, Rarity some beautiful jewelry, Fluttershy got adorable sweaters for her and her animals, Pinkie got a brand new party orbit cannon with guaranteed instant parties, Rainbow Dash got glasses signed by the Wonderbolts themselves, for Twilight a book written and signed by Star Swirl the Bearded himself, and for little Spike, some new comic books.
Oh but let us not forget about our favorite princesses! Celestia got a bottle of Sunny D, while Luna got some Moon Pie! They also had a second gift! Which was a body pillow of Tobias for each of them!
And for Grumpy Old Graves, he got a bunch of coal on him along with a message that wrote: "You ain't going home buddy. Have fun with the ponies for the rest of your life!".
~And so, after spreading the gifts, and a big ol fuck you to Graves, Tobias left the land of Equestria, and traveled through the void towards a planet called Earth, where he became a displacer, or how he is known around, 'The Fate Dealer'~
