Flim and Flam end up in a cave, and try to solve some ridiculous tests. Will they succeed?
Flim and Flim end up in a cave after flying away from an angry mob at Dodge City. There, they encounter the Three Sirens, a star pony, and various other creatures, all as part of several whimsical tests. Will they succeed?
Today was a horrible day for the Flim Flam Brothers: since somepony at Dodge City had exposed to the other townsponies about another of their flimsy schemes, an angry mob of ex-customers chased them towards their Super Speedy Cider 6000 - they modified it earlier, using their ill-gotten wealth, into a flying caravan for their wandering performance skits. All around their machine the townsponies pelted it with stones and whatever they could get their hooves on, and some pried open the trailer to snatch anything and everything inside. Not even the towns' constable and her forces would help them, but leave them to the cruel frontier justice typical of that region. And not even Celestia would send her guards to interfere, preferring to let her subjects manage themselves rather than forego defensive and ceremonial duties for tons of unnecessary paperwork, and a land under the not-so-stern watch of an otherwise-inattentive military force.
Flim, the energetic brother, kept on slamming the buttons, as the SSC only sputtered in the chaos around them. "Another day, another disaster!" he yelped. He looked back at several ponies prying open every box and container behind them. A grey pegasus, noticing them, threw a watermelon at the hind window. "How would we survive without all our cash and supplies suddenly lost -- "
"Quiet, brother!" Flam, that usually calm brother with a mustache, bit back. "Just forget the profits, and work on the engine without damaging the control panel!"
"But what about our business?-"
"Better to save our own hides for another chance!" He continued pressing some more buttons and pulling a lever for a few more times. "Come on, come on, come on!" he muttered, with each repeat more furious than the last.
Flim angrily gave the dashboard a kick. As if it was being fed up with their panicked shenanigans, the engine roared to life, and the vehicle shot up into the sky, scattering a colourful drizzle of upset lost ponies. It made several rabid loops, twirls and turns over the whole land, before it crashed, right into a vast mountain cave in the northeast, near a maze-like suburb that walled around two rows of apartments.
Fortunately, they survived, though Flam threw up just after he got on his feet.
Flim took a while to ponder at the smoking ruin of their vehicle: their home, their transport, their last means of support, without which they would have to be thieving beggars for perhaps the rest of their lives. He broke into tears and went down on his hind legs. "What are we supposed to do now, brother," he sobbed, "no longer having to enjoy our past comforts, but to fend for ourselves like the urchins we were in our colt years?!"
"Like I said, there will always be another chance," Flam replied. "Just keep your mouth shut, or some bat or beast might find us to eat."
They were stopped by a white stallion in a white cloak. On its train and sleeves silver angles glimmered by the setting sunlight behind them, as if in an incantation in some arcane tongue from the libraries of Canterlot.
"Flim and Flam, why are you here?", he cried. "How were you two doin' all that while? Another tale of cheating?"
The mustached pony groaned. "Then somepony will tell the authorities, and we'll spend another three years te be sentenced to toil for the Diamond Dogs," he muttered.
"We had some trouble out there at Dodge City- " Flim spurted. He was cut off by his brother slapping his withers.
"Err ... We happen to be lost, and we would like to find a place to ... stay for the night." He examined the pony's robes. "Saaay, you look like you're from the Canterlot Sun Temple. Are you some prophet or something?"
"Neither."
Flim looked further towards his features. "You look familiar, like that skiing superstar who ran off from the XVth Applewood Film Festiva-" The stallion then quickly hushed him, as though somepony might be listening.
"I am that stallion!" he hushed. "Just ... follow me."
He led them to what would be the most ridiculous spectacle they had ever stumbled upon.
"That ... is your shrine?" Flim chuckled. "A simple ball pit and an offering table full of cider mugs?"
"I'm not a priest, but just an actor for some film." He pointed to the "shrine". "All of that is my scene, and you'll be playing some roles with me."
"So where's the director, and who's filming it?!" Flam asked. Everything seems to be getting weirder for the two brothers, and it annoyed Flam very much.
"That's a secret for now. If you want a place to rest, just do as I say."
"All you need to do is take a mug of cider, and drink from it. Then throw your jug into the ball pit."
Puzzled as they are from this strange ritual, the two brothers took their mugs, drank them up whole, and tossed their jugs into the pit, where they sank into the colourful sea of plastic spheres.
"Make a wish. Just tell the Orange Queen what you desire." Upon the very mention of "her" name, it called into their minds one of their most hated foes.
"Why, are you here to start a cult for that tyrannical scoundrel, Princess Applejack Apple?!" Flam yelled. He then grabbed the poor "priest" by his tunic, causing his hood to expose his ruffled silvery mane. The poor stallion started to glow in his nervousness, causing Flam to release him to cool his scalded hooves.
"You might as well be working with her to rob and torment us!" his brother yelped.
"Not that Orange Queen!" the stallion countered. "One who is older than Starswirl the Bearded, and one whose voice charmed even the most stubborn tyrant."
"And who exactly was that? Some archaic abomination?" Flim inquired.
"Haven't you heard of the legend of the Sirens, when they rose from the sea long ago to bring the pony tribes into a bitter rivalry?"
"Of course, that bedtime story." both of them responded. The mustachioed salespony continued, "And is that silly excuse of a 'shrine' dedicated to her?"
"And who'll be her high priest?" his brother asked. "That same 'director?'"
"Yes, but her priests answer to none but the Sirens themselves!" The white stallion shoved him. "Now, all you have to do is to close your eyes, and make a wish to her."
"Are you really sure?" Flam doubted about it at first, but an idea flared up in his head. He turned to his brother. "I've got an idea, brother of mine," he hissed, away from the white stallion's view. "Maybe, since she could answer any wish, with her powers, we could use her and the Sirens to sabotage the Apples!"
"But that would be against the law, Flam," Flim objected. "If we were caught dealing with criminals, we would be banished to some dungeon in the middle of nowhere!"
"At least we're in a mountain cave, and nopony else would be present to blow our cover," Flam countered. "We could just hurry up in convincing the Sirens, and send Sweet Apple Acres to utter ruin, before the princesses would find out."
"Could we even do it? I expected some elaborate ceremony — " Flim yammered, before his mustached brother placed his hoof on his mouth.
"Trust me."
They closed their eyes and bowed their heads. "Siren Queen," Flim pleaded, "hear our cries, hear our thoughts, and hear our aims! We seek thy aid in thy voice, that shakes the skies and seas — " He was cut off by his irritated brother, who slapped his withers.
"Just get to the point, will you? And try not to be over-dramatic." Flam whispered. "Just tell them, or any one of them, what you wish for." He closed his hoofs.
Flim shut his eyes, and murmured to himself, " ... I want to get even with that other orange troublemaker for taking our business and customers away, I wish for a barfillion, darzillion bits, and to start my own company, to be the greatest that all of Equestria will ever see!"
~~~
Out of the hissing green smoke that emanated from the ball pit three Sirens flew around for a while. They were, left-to-right in the brothers' view, purple, yellow, and blue: the yellow one on the middle is guarded by two twitchy, fire-spewing longmas. The blue simpleton on the left of her was munching a taco, and held a yellow pony with a fiery mane on her studded leash.
Each longma was armed with rather bizarre weapons: the left longma was chewing at a stop sign like a burnt, crispy lollipop, while the screeching one on the right was munching at a drooping butterfly net.
"Rise, you three," the yellow Siren boomed. They did so.
The robed stallion bowed again. "O, Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, Sonata Dusk, ancient terrors of the land and se — "
"Enough with the ceremonial pleasantries, Double Diamond the Star Horse," the purple Siren interrupted.
"Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk, the ancient terrors," Flim murmured to himself. "Aren't they supposed to be languishing in the Other World?"
"Now, tell us who are these two who happened to summon us here?" the blue Siren yapped. "And what are they here for?"
Double cleared his throat. "They are Flim Skim and Flam Skam, the infamous comedian duo of Canterlot," Double continued. "Flam is the one with the moustache and the deeper voice. They are here to ask something from you." This embarrassed the two brothers.
"That reminds me of two sly salesmen down Rhombus Street," Sonata murmured.
"We're not comedians, we're salesponies!" Flam protested. "And, thank you for the compliment, Mr. Diamond."
"Comedian or salespony, none of these matter to me," the orange Siren replied. "I am Adagio Dazzle," she introduced, and pointed to her two companions, "The purple one is Aria Blaze, and the blue Siren feeding some tacos to the troublesome longmas, is Sonata Dusk."
"We've heard that you two were asking Adagio for some things, some 'zillion bits-something', and then revenge against 'that other orange trouble troublemaker,'" Aria sluggishly questioned. "Care to elaborate for us three?"
"Her name is 'Applejack Apple', and she and her friends are now Princesses, complete with tiaras, wings, and horns," Flim explained.
"Not only she has an army of thousands of guards at her command, but she would literally cause earthquakes with her bare hooves, and cause towering forests of fruit trees to grow with her magic!" Flam continued.
"And Applejack is just a human musician back on the Other World, whose only powers were using music strong enough to break our gems with her friends," Adagio answered back. "So, if your 'Applejack' is a powerful princess here, surely her four friends might have some importance back there."
"Not to mention the fifth, Schwanhild Twilight Sparkle, whose device caused portals back to Equestria to appear all over the place," Aria added. She held a purple shell that flashed about in counter-clockwise cycles. Aria pressed a button at the middle, causing the device to open, shooting out a bolt that spread into a hole. From that hole the Sirens and ponies can see a forested hill, shrouded in mist. It was crowned with the ruins of what appeared to be a castle.
"So, these led you back to Equestria?" Flim inquired.
"Not after snatching it from a certain principal who was running off with a bag of gadgets," Sonata replied. She pointed her right hoof at the cavern beyond. "You can find her somewhere over there later."
~~~
"But now, let's not delay," Adagio cooed. "I will grant you your wish, on the condition that you finish your first challenge."
"What is it?" the two brothers asked.
"You will listen to the three of us sing, and enjoy it," Aria explained, "and you will not flinch your heads while we do so."
"Not even if we sound bad because our gems were destroyed in the Battle of the Bands," added Sonata. She showed them a hole on her chest where her gem used to be: the other two Sirens who glared at her angrily also had holes on their torsos. Adagio turned towards her guests.
"Are you two ready?" she asked.
"Give it a shot!" Flim replied.
"Go ahead." Flam sighed.
"Go on, Dagi," Double Diamond broke in. "I've always wanted to listen to your songs at last!"
Flam rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me?" he asked.
The Sirens took a deep breath. They began to sing; yet when they did, they sounded no more horribly than a little chorus of squirrels. Flam began to cover his ears, to the rogues' disappointment.
~~~
You thought you beat us, you cloud-bearded hack, but you're no longer here to hold the three of us back.
Now that the both of us went back from some backwater, we three are here to stay 'cause we're gonna make it hotter!
Oh, oh, o-o-ohhh, Oh, oh, o-o-ohhh, Stay down, old codger The Dazzlings are back on the track!
Oh, oh, o-o-ohhh, Oh, oh, o-o-ohhh, Stay down, old botcher 'cause we're on the attack!
Now stay down!
~~~
As the Sirens sang, Flim got enticed by their catchy tune, that he ignored its horrible tone, uncovered his ears, and started dancing to their rhythms, to the surprise of the other two ponies and the Sirens' delight.
"It's like the chipmunk videos all over again," Flim commented. "But I like its playful rhythm."
"What could you expect," the Purple One grumbled. "That's what happened to us after our pendants were destroyed during the Battle of the Bands." She turned towards one of the longmas. "Youzai," she angrily groaned. "That mug is not a cake! Drop it now!" She then pursued the feisty creature, to Adagio's consternation.
"At least you and Double Dee liked our music," the blue rascal complimented. She turned to Adagio. "Can I dance with Flam?" she asked, as she pressed her own hooves against her right cheek. "His mustache makes him so cute!"
When Flam heard that this monster wanted a waltz with him, his face melted in horror. "I ... and Flim .... need to go. I had enough of this." His brother shoved in. "Now, Your Majesty," Flim bowed, "I asked for bits. Where are the bazillion bits you promised?"
"I'm not a queen, yet," the golden creature slyly replied. "But you need to finish three more tests before you can get your prize."
"May I say, 'no', and go somewhere else?" Flam wondered.
"We're not in the mood to finish some quest, just some repairs for our vehicle," Flim continued. The two brothers tried to leave, but they were blocked by an unstable wall of orange magic, caused by Adagio's poor singing. They bashed against the wall, but it stung and fried them.
"Why can't you just let us go?!" Flim cried.
"You still need to finish your tests," Adagio smirked. "You two called us here, and you'll have to return us the favour."
"Then where are your tests, witch?!" Flam angrily asked.
The two brothers' rage only made the Siren's grin grow wider. Adagio pointed a hoof into the gaping, dark caverns behind her. "Just ahead. Double Diamond will be your guide."
"But, what about your shrine, Miss Adagio?" the white horse inquired. "And what will you have to do with your two sisters and their pets?"
"I'll take care of it, and them. myself. Meanwhile, the two brothers are yours to handle." Before she continued, she turned back to the trio and remarked, "And I and my sisters own those two longmas together."
Double Diamond cleared his throat. "If you two dudes have anything to pack with, just do it quickly. Where we're going, we don't need torches or lights."
"So, we'll just walk into the dark, and fall into some abyss or something?!" Flim furiously asked.
"Nah, buddy," the white horse assured. He started to shine again, and the whole cavern is bathed in his light. The two brothers covered their eyes from the stallion's blinding glare.
"Remember when I burned Flam's hooves? That's just how I defend myself when anypony corners me — I shine, because I'm actually a star pony." He turned to Flam. "Sorry about that."
Guided by the white star-pony's light, Flim and Flam made their way through the passages of the cavern.
"If I had brought my skis with me, I would totally run through this course," Double remarked. In his sharp eyes, he noticed that many of the cavern's bridges appear to be shaped like a maze of platforms. "I'm sure that I can jump through those gaps, dudes."
The distance of the gaps and their steep height made the two brothers uneasy, but it caused Flim to panic. "Oh, brother," he muttered, "h-how are we going to make it through?"
The white horse to their right grinned. "I've got an idea, dudes," he suggested, and presented his right hoof. "Hold my hoof!" he cried.
Flim and Flam were shocked by this bizarre plan. "What," Flam groaned, "you think you can jump that high?"
"Just do as I say, will you?"
Flam raised his right hoof, and Double held it.
"You should hold on tight until I let you go!" The white pony started quickly spinning in circles, before throwing the screaming mustached pony to the other side on the cavern, where he slammed against the wall and landed on another cliff with a thud. Flim was shocked by how this white pony showed himself to be be more stronger and tougher than how he appeared.
"By Celestia's cakes," he yelled, "what in Equestria is wrong with you?! And my hoof has gotten too hot - ow!" Then he heard some kind of clownish laughter nearby.
"What's the matter, buddy?" that shrill voice asked. "Aren't you scared of ... true happiness?" It came from a blue unicorn stallion with a puffy mane and tail, and a magenta balloon poodle on each rump. His eyes appeared to drift away from each other, and his mouth has been opened to a broad smile.
"Come on, buddy," the blue horse glared, "I know you'll like it, would you?"
Flam kicked the blue horse in the face, and fled to the tunnel to his left. "Somepony, anypony, help me rid myself of this creature!!!" he cried.
Double then turned towards the other brother, who backed away and pointed his horn forward. "Stay back, whoever you are," he muttered again, "I'm warning you, I have a horn, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"Then I ... have this!" The star-pony's light became so bright, that he and Flim would have been able to see the details of the roof of the cavern. Instead it stunned Flim, causing him to tumble behind. He felt as if the Sun had quickly entered the cave and seared her light into his fur.
"Aaargh!" the younger salespony cried out. "It burns! Get it off me!"
"Sorry, dude," Double responded. "What I'm doing here is the quickest way for you and your brother to go through this cave, which may take ages to navigate by climbing and jumping. You don't want to die alone here, do you?"
The white horse then grabbed Flim by his left front leg. As he spun Flim around, the poor yellow pony's coat started to catch fire, causing him to howl in pain before he was flung over to the other side of the cavern. Then the white horse joined him there after leaping in a shining blast of flame.
The last thing Flim saw was that same blue unicorn, staring back at him with his drifted eyes. "Hello, there, skinny guy," he greeted. "Would you like to experience real happiness?"
--
The exhausted, irate Flam trotted forward, sighing in relief as the dreaded gleeful maniac was out of sight. And then he saw his brother sitting beside an emerald fountain.
"Flim, my brother," the mustached pony asked, "are you alright?" Flim turned his face to see his horrified brother: not only was Flam shocked in his brother's burnt coat, but even more from his insanity. Flim had that blue unicorn's big wall-eyed smile and mad laughter, and his shirt and vest had been damaged by his against the cliff.
"Oh, Fla-ha-ham!" he guffawed uncontrollably and rolled around. "I have stared into infinity, and infinity has stared back into my eardrums! Aha-aha-ahahahaha!"
Flam broke into tears, fearing that his brother is seriously hurt, not only in the hairs of his coat, but also in what sanity remained in his mind.
"Brother," Flam sobbed. "If only there's a way to save you."
"You could have, you cheating rat." Another voice scolded him, from out of nowhere. "Just wash him in the fountain's water, and he'll be as fit as a fiddle."
Flam knew that voice, being the voice of his foe. "Applejack," he angrily asked, "is that you? Did you arrange all this to make us suffer, you tyrant?!"
"I did not do it, Flam," the voice responded, "but for now, I would like to help you. And now that I've grown up and learned a lot, I'd like to let go of my misgivings and be nice."
The mustache pony was confounded by this: his enemy and rival, who hated him and his brother before, offering her forgiveness and friendship to them instead of gloating over their suffering?
"What happened to you, Applejack?" Flam asked.
"Getting sour over some problems would make you miserable, so I shouldn't spend the rest of my life seething in rage," she explained. "Why don't you just give him a bath in that emerald fountain, will you?"
"Are you sure that it can help him recover?"
"Trust me."
Flam carried his younger brother into the fountain and gently left his body to be bathed by its splashing waters. To the salepony's awe and delight, the fountain's waters caused his wounds to rapidly heal his wounds as Applejack rightfully said earlier. Flim got himself up and gasped for breath.
"My brother, my brother!" Flam sobbed and hugged him. "Without you, how can I face danger alone?"
"What ... what happened?" Flim asked and held his dazed head. "What is going on, brother of mine?"
"Perhaps Double treated you worse for some reason," his mustached brother answered. "Either way, brother, we need to keep moving on the path, or that delusional blue horse will drive us mad again."
As they walked into the hall-like cavern, Flam muttered to himself: "Someday," he grumbled, "We will have our revenge on that burning horse, his twisted friend, those three Sirens, and anypony who was behind all of this torture."
"What did you say, Flam?" his overhearing brother broke in.
As they walked out of the hall-like cavern, they found that the larger hall ahead was bathed in sunlight. In the middle of the sun's rays was a hut, where an elderly cyan unicorn mare, wearing a stuffy old dress, continuously swept the ground outside it.
The two nonpareil brothers approached her and her place with curiosity. "Madam," the elder brother asked, "how may we help you?"
The light blue unicorn looked at the duo and put away her broom. "Why," she said, "you two must be the guests that Aria invited here. My name is Abacus Cinch. She insists that I explain to you about your current test." Her voice sounded as prim and proper as one of those socialites that they met back at Canterlot.
"So what would it be, Madam?" Flim asked. "My name is Flim Skim, and my older brother next to me is Flam Skam."
"It is a pleasure to meet you," Flam greeted. He and his brother took a bow, and the unicorn mare, Cinch, curtseyed with her hind legs.
"Do you two happen to know anything about this device?" Cinch lifted a purple shell into the air with her magic.
"We saw that one before at Adagio's ball pit shrine!" Flam remarked.
"That device uses magic to open portals, such as the one that led you and the Sirens into Equestria, does it?" the younger brother asked.
"Of course," Cinch replied. "However, I am not from this world of cutesy ponies and fantastic things that your Princess Twilight, the Dazzlings, and all this magical nonsense originated from. Back in my world, I was a principal of a prestigious academy who forced the students to become the best they can ever achieve, though they had more love for my academy and their teams than they ever had any appreciation for me. Without me, they have become a vulgar rabble, like that delinquent-ridden Canterlot High and its so-called 'students'!"
"Well, at least they won't bother you anymore, madam," Flim consoled her.
"Now, Madam Cinch," Flam added and asked, "what shall be our current test here?"
"Follow me," the unicorn mare in a dress gestured to them, leading them into another cavern filled with hot springs. The springs' geothermal heat, added by the plunges of its many waterfalls throughout its maze of cliffs and ravines, caused the whole cavern to be filled with steam.
~~~
"It's getting too hot in here," Flim panted. Cinch then gave him a folded fan to cool his uncovered coat from his bath of sweat, and a glass of orange juice with ice.
"At least you should be more comfortable without your shirt, brother," the mustached pony answered. He then removed his vest, and even his shirt, to the disgusted former principal and his brother's amusement. "I'd like to join you."
"I understand that you are trying to accommodate yourself to the sweltering heat, Mister Flam," the blushing unicorn mare unfolded another fan to cover her eyes from that indecency before her, "but you should not be doing this, especially in front of a respectable lady as me."
"I can't help it, Madam," Flam shrugged. "That's how we cool down." He wiped some sweat from his brow, and shook of more sweat like a dog, some of which had stained Cinch's frowning face.
"And that was how we got chased out of a restaurant back in Canterlot on a hot summer afternoon," Flim chucked and gave a sly smirk. "At least we were also chased by a horde of pretty mares who liked our hunky bodies." He raised his right foreleg and flexed his muscles, but his brother burst into laughter from how skinny it appeared.
"You are just as lanky as me, brother of mine, hahahahaha!" Flam guffawed, as he rolled around in his delightful fit. Cinch could not take any more of this nonsense caused by two ridiculous stallions mocking each other. "Enough of this uncouth vulgarity, you two!" she yelled and stomped her hoof. The cavern's walls echoes her sounds and made them loud enough to stop them for their bickering. "Oh, if my day could not get any worse."
The two startled brothers got themselves up and quickly put on their coats.
"Now, about our test ... " Flim wondered.
"Basically, it is an obstacle course," Cinch cleared her throat. "The first to navigate across this archipelago of sedimentary rock -- and its clouds of steam that may obscure your vision -- will win a prize that lasts throughout your trial.
Flam bent his legs, like a beast preparing to pounce upon its prey. "It'll be a piece of cake," he snorted.
"But I have to warn you two, though, that there is one enemy that will try to stop the both of you from reaching the other end of the cavern." She pointed towards Flam's fuzzy yellow chest. "And one of them is here, and she is in love with you." Flam's eyes widened with dismay as he knew who was Cinch referring to.
His brother smirked and tapped his shoulder. "Oh, brother, do you now have a secret admirer, hmm?"
"I ... I prefer not to think about it," he blushed.
"I wish you all the best." Cinch folded her fan into a pistol.
"On your marks,"
"I bet I can beat you in this, brother of mine."
" ... get set,"
"In your dreams, apprentice!"
" ... go!"
At the burst of a gunshot, the two brothers vanished in puffs of dust before they briefly reappeared along the opposing cliffs.
---
Behind one of the water cascades, the blue siren filmed their leaps from ledge to ledge with a waterproof camera, hiding from their sight as she sought a suitable ambush spot. The further the two brothers ventured into the obstacle course, the more dangerous it had become, as they also had to deal with pools of lava hidden amid the steam fog formed by the lava's contact with the underground streams.
The two bare brothers taunted and jeered at each other was they raced through the course: as red-faced as they were without their clothes, they were nonetheless able to move more easily and quickly. At first, Flam was able to outwit his brother, who had to cool his tail in a pool after it was burned by a stray drop of lava. The mustached brother was about to gloat as he leaped towards an outcropping, when Sonata had tackled him, trapping him deep within her embrace.
"Don't you think I'm cuuute, boy?" the blue siren twitched her head and gave a sultry glance. "Let's kiss."
Flam was already amused by his brother showing off his skinny forelegs, but the weirdness of the siren's love for him was too much.
"Get off me, get off me!" he yelled, and shoved the infatuated siren off him.
"But ... I love you, Flam," the siren burst into tears, angered by his rejection. "My sisters left me because they don't like my love of fun, and now that everycreature has left me, I'M ALL ALOOOOOONE!" she bawled.
"You deserved it, half-fish freak." Flam resumed his journey. "I won't be convinced by your ridiculous lies. I despise disgusting creatures like you, for what you've done in Equestria's past!"
The irate siren wailed, and her strong voice caused the cavern to rumble and tremble. Even then, Flam kept on going, navigating through the shaken ground and dodging boulder after boulder. The mustached pony stopped when he approached towards a large pool of lava. He squinted his eyes as he scanned across its shifting islands, until he stared at the chequered finish line at the other side.
"If I can be quick enough, this should be a piece of cake," he smiled to himself.
But then, the ground continued to shake, until a stone cracked from the roof, struck his head, and knocked him out of consciousness. When he woke up, he found that his golden coat had been doused with a bucket of steamy water. Before him was Sonata, who had grown bigger to twice of her size.
"Now, Flam Skam of Sweet Apple Acres," the siren poked his chest, "you better be sorry for hurting me, or I won't let you leave!" She bumped her own hooves as she glared back at his grumbling, and went on, "You know that we sirens get stronger when we are exposed to hate? That's why we were able to fend off others' attempts to rule over us: our songs are strong enough to shoot the Storm King’s fleets down from the clouds!"
"Just go away, freak!" Flam swatted her foreleg away. "I've no mood to talk with you -- whoa!"
The azure siren grabbed him by the neck and threw him towards the hall. Whenever he turned around, she tore off a stalagmite and tossed it near him, until the resulting rubble around each stalagmite thrown formed a wall and the mustached pony grew frustrated and weary from frequently turning around.
"JUST LET ME GO ALREADY!"
Sonata shook her head. "Apologise."
"Never!"
Whenever he darted aside the siren, she quickly grabbed him and threw him towards the same spot.
"Say it nicely, and I will let you go."
"I hate you!" In spite of Flam's rage, Sonata still glared at him.
"Why won't you just get cooked up by some Arimaspi, freak?" Sonata still looked at him with crossed forelegs. "You're not even worth my time!" But as soon as he went sideways through a gap, the siren threw him back into his "prison".
"Keep raging at me, and your brother will be the only one who leaves this cave," Sonata spoke back. "Without anything to do, perhaps I might as well be your guardian angel for as long as you can stay here."
After a while, Flam groaned and turned towards the azure siren. “I am sorry for what I had done, Sonata Dusk,” he bowed his head, “my rage, my lack of respect, and for my rudeness.”
“Are you so sure about that?” Sonata twitched. “Will you accept defeat when it comes to you, rather than cheat your way out?”
As frustrated as he was in giving up his ways, the mustached pony was desperate to see his brother again. He feared that he would be trapped with this immortal siren for ever: perhaps ending up as roadkill if she ever went hungry.
“Okay, I’ll accept defeat!” Flam begged. “Please, let me go! Please!”
Sonata gave his lips a deep kiss. She then tossed the relieved pony past the pool of lava into the next chamber, where his brother threw his forehooves around his withers.
“It didn’t matter that I have won some prize,” Flim cried. “You’re more important than any reward in the world!”
After the two nonpareil brothers put on their clothes, they ventured into the third shrine. It consisted of a bar-like building: and by its fallen seats and under its counter lay scores of bottles flowing with rivers of alcohol. They surrounded an unusually large Earth pony of brown and white fur, who wallowed and bathed himself with more intoxicating drinks before he slowly got up.
“Just my luck,” the drunk pony slurred, “if it ain’t those two swindlers again!” He tossed two of his bottles at the brothers, who barely dodged his projectiles. “What are you here for, stupid?”
Flam frowned. “We’re on a quest, and we’re here to play our third game so we can get out of this stupid maze!” he scolded. “Just tell us how to play it!”
“Alright.” The belching, oversized horse got up and tottered forth. “The name’s ‘Trouble Shoes’, and the last place that I remember was at a bar where I was sweeped out for sleeping at the table. You know? That’s one crazy thing they’ve managed to do to me, or things get crazier when I get wasted!”
“Just tell us what to do already!” Flim cried. “We don’t have much time!”
