The One Where Every Chapter After This Was Written For The Sake Of A Pun
A gentle snow fell across the quaint rooftops of the town of Ponyville. Any ponies that chose to venture out into the cold were encased in a mixture of boots and scarfs of all colors and fabrics. However, in spite of the chilly world outside their homes, many ponies were out and about, a blissful smile upon their face; for today was Hearth's Warming Eve, and tomorrow was the most celebrated day of the season.
There was, however, a certain group of ponies that were already exchanging gifts inside the castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The enormous crystallized building was like a beautiful tree topper for the entire town. Through the main doors and down the hall, six ponies, one small dragon and one draconaquis meet inside the library. Amidst the various reading tables, which were the center of the circular repository of knowledge, the feeling of anticipation saturated the air. The warm crackling of the hearth's fire waved cheerfully at its guest as they huddled near it. Many of them held small brightly wrapped packages, all of which had a small name tag attacked to it, and were looking around at each other. Some were nervous, while some were excited, though one of them was a combination of the two.
"Happy Hearth's Warming everypony!" pipped Pinkie Pie, a very perky pink pony. The colorful decorations of bells and candy in her mane clicked together as she jumped excitedly in place.
"Happy Heath's Warming!" the group echoed back to her cheerfully. Princess Twilight Sparkle, a purple alicorn wrapped in a checkered orange and blue scarf, stepped forward to begin the festivities.
"Alright, everypony," she said, looking around at her friends with a warm smile. "Thank you all for coming early for our little gift exchange. I wanted this to be a special moment just for us, because Pinkie Pie practically invited the whole town to the Hearth's Warming party tomorrow." she said with faux irritation.
"One of the best parties of the year! There's no way I couldn't invite everypony I know!" Pinkie Pie responded factually. Everypony chuckled merrily, the crackling of the hearth's fire giving a merry feeling of warmth to the wonderful evening.
"Alright then, lets go ahead and exchange our gifts, who wants to go first?" Twilight Sparkle asked her friends. Shuffling hooves and nervous smiles glanced around, waiting for somepony else to step up. "Fine, I'll go first," she said with an exasperated groan and good-hearted shake of her head.
Walking to the yellow pegasus, who's pink mane shimmered in the glow of the fire; Twilight held out a small rectangular present, wrapped in perfectly measured pieces of paper. "Here you go, Fluttershy, I hope you like it!" Twilight said with a bright smile. Fluttershy tosses her pink mane backwards with a small turn of her head and then reached her hooves out to accept the gift.
"Oh, um, thank you so much, Twilight, I'm sure I'll be happy no matter what you got me," Fluttershy said in her quiet, gentle voice.
"Go ahead and open it, Fluttershy!" Twilight beamed at her.
"Okay then." Fluttershy used her wings to delicately unwrap the present, pulling the tape off slowly and managing to not tear a single piece of the pretty purple paper in the process.
"Follow the White Rabbit by L. Mare Carol," Twilight announced theatrically as Fluttershy looked over the cover. The scene of a small white rabbit jumping down a burrow of sorts was depicted with beautiful style on the hard surface of the book.
"Thank you, Twilight," Fluttershy said, managing to sound surprised, even though everypony knew if they had drawn Twilight's name out of the hat, they would surely be getting some sort of reading material. At least, this time, it was a novel, and not educational in nature.
"Now it's your turn, Fluttershy!" Twilight reminded her. With a soft 'Eep' from the shy pegasus, Fluttershy blushed and nodded.
"Oh, right, sorry," she said, picking an oddly shaped package the small table that sat beside them. Her gift was wrapped in a pretty blue shimmering paper, with a perfectly tied white ribbon to secure it all into place. She moves towards her unicorn friend, her elegant purple mane and white coat mashing perfectly with her ruby scarf.
"Here you go, Rarity, I hope you like it..." Fluttershy said quietly as she handed the gift over.
"Oh, I'm sure whatever you brought me will be perfect, darling," Rarity said, her deep blue eyes sparkling as she spoke in that elegant way that came naturally to her. "It's the thought that counts, and I know how much you care about your friends, Deary."
"Hmmph," said a grouchy voice.
"What's the matter, Discord," Twilight asked. Twilight turned to the master of chaos, who currently had his mismatched paws crossed in front of his chest. He spun around and frowned at Twilight Sparkle, his brow creasing as he looked at Rarity, who was beginning to unwrap her present with her magic.
"I wanted to be the one to get a present from Fluttershy, it's not fair!" he whined, causing many of the group to look over at him.
"Discord, we all drew names randomly, there's no need to be upset," Twilight said, looking back to Fluttershy for support. Fluttershy looked at Discord, gave him a soft smile and nodded.
"Oh, fine, just get on with it," he said with a huff.
"Oh, my!" squeaked Rarity. Floating in her gentle magical aura was a fluffy white pillow with a perfect stitching of her three diamond cutie mark on its top side. "It's wonderful, I love it, Fluttershy!" she said as she pulled it into her face. "It's so soft, dear, I hope you didn't have to pay too many bits for it.
"We did set a limit, Fluttershy, remember?" Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, um, actually...I made it myself," Fluttershy said, lowering her head down as she rubbed one hoof with another. "I sewed it together by hoof, and the feathers were the loose ones I've collected from my animal friends, after I cleaned them, of course." Looking up at Rarity, she giggled softly and said, "There's even a few of my feathers in there as well, do you like it?"
"Oh, it's perfect, Fluttershy," Rarity said as she trotted over to give Fluttershy a warm hug. "You're a wonderful friend, darling, I've never thought otherwise." Fluttershy cheeks tinted red as Rarity embraced her, her friends smiling at her with broad grins, except for Discord, who looked a little peeved.
"Rarity, it's your turn right?" Fluttershy whispered into her ear.
"Oh, good heavens, I'm sorry," Rarity gasped, picking up her small package from the table with her magic. She walked over to Discord and levitated the small red box up to him. Discord examined the box, giving an considerate "hmm," and even sniffing it at one point.
"Just open it, Discord," chided Fluttershy, who was already quite used to his antics.
"Very well," he said with an eye roll, yes, he rolled just one eye. He tore the wrapping off the gift in a single swoop, and then picked up the top of the velvet red box. Discord's eyes widened like Twilight's had the first time she'd ever set hoof in a bookstore, and then he turned to Rarity with an awestruck expression.
"I'm...I'm not sure what to say," he whispered, looking at the ivory unicorn as if it were the first time he'd ever seen her. "This has got to be the greatest gift anypony has ever given me," he said, before something seemed to click inside his brain. After shaking his head rapidly, he said, "Well, besides all of your friendship, of course." Everyone's laughter, including Discord's, soon filled the room. The warm sound echoed through the castle, filling the library with even more warmth on such a cold day.
"Well, let's see it already," called a cyan pegasus, who was hovering above to catch a glimpse of Discord's present. Her rainbow mane, which she had let grow out a bit, was threatening to obscure her vision.
"Just hold your horses, Rainbow Dash," Discord said as he snapped his fingers. In a flash of magic, Rainbow Dash's front hooves were turned into the front ends of miniature pegasi, with manes to match Rainbow's. She was only able to gawk for a second before they pulled her at break-neck speed out of the library.
"Discord!" shouted everypony, though they all had suppressed smiles on their faces.
"Oh! That looks like fun, Dashy, can I try?" Pinkie Pie called as Rainbow exited the room.
"Somepony, help me!" Rainbow shouted, her voice growing louder and louder as she barreled through the library once more.
"Whoa there, little ponies," shouted a strong country voice. The swinging of rope, followed by the sound of hooves snapping together signified the capture of the runaway pony express. With the sound of a knot pulling tight, the orange earth pony put her hoof on top of Rainbow's back, keeping her steady as she finished tying Rainbow Dash down.
"Knot so tight, Applejack," Rainbow Dash wheezed out, her blonde mane shifting as she stood up.
"Ah, quit yur' fussin', Rainbow," Applejack said as she pushed her hat back. Looking over at Discord, she raised an eyebrow and said, "Yah' mind?'
"Not at all, actually," Discord chuckled, "she's all yours." Discord finished his teasing comments by winking not-so-subtly at Applejack.
"Discord!" Fluttershy said sternly, looking at the Draconequis. The Master of Chaos quivered like a shaky tree underneath the soul tearing gaze of the gentle pegasus.
"Alright, I was only having a bit of fun," he said with a snap of his fingers. In another flash, Rainbow's hooves returned to normal, though she was still bound tight.
"That's not funny, Discord," Applejack said in her stern voice. "And what did you mean, she's all mine?"
Ignoring Applejack, Discord plucked his prize from the red box and held it up to admire in the light. Held carefully in his paw was a beautiful yellow bow-tie, shaped perfectly into a familiar butterfly. Brilliant pink jewels glowed warmly as they refracted the light of the hearth's fire.
"Oh, it's simply marvelous!" Discord called out in a magnificent voice. He disappeared in a flash and then reappeared wearing a black and white tuxedo. With an unusual amount of care, he clipped the bow-tie into place with a satisfied grin.
"Glad you like it," Rarity beamed at him. When he wasn't looking, she glanced at Fluttershy and gave her a sly wink.
"Like it?" Discord said in faux disbelief, "I love it!" Turning to Fluttershy, he gave her a coy smile and said, "I think you look good on me, don't you, Fluttershy?"
"Ahem," Twilight coughed awkwardly as Fluttershy's coat tinted red, "It's your turn, Discord."
"Oh," Discord said with a grin. "Is Princess Twilight Sparkle eager to receive a gift from little old me?" He shook his head in disbelief as a comically sized cue-tip appeared. "I can hardly believe my ears," he claimed as he proceeded to shove one end in one ear, which went all the way through and then out the other side. Twilight raised her eyebrow, choosing not to dignify Discord's tease with a response.
"Alright, tough crowd," Discord said in defeat. Looking around, Discord frowned, seeming deep in thought. "Now where did I put it," he said as he floated about the room. He checked the table, under many of the cushions, and even poked his head into the fire in his fruitless search. "Ah, yes, now I remember!" he shouted enthusiastically, before popping out of existence, only to reappear next to Pinkie Pie. He placed his claw atop her head, holding her still, and then reached into her ear with the other hand. With a sound similar to that of a suction cup being pulled from a window, he removed a small square black box from Pinkie Pie's inner ear.
"Oh, so that's what's been itching my ear today!" she said, completely unfazed.
"I really need to keep better track of these things," Discord said absentmindedly as he floated back over to Twilight. The princess decided to not question what she had just witnessed, at least for tonight, and accepted the gift from Discord with a smile.
"I do hope you like it, Twilight, it's like I'm giving you a little piece of me," he said, grinning as she opened the box.
She lit her horn and levitated the contents of the box for all to see. Emerging from the little package was a swirling white and black sphere of some kind, which seemed to glow eerily in Twilight's magic.
"What is it?" Twilight asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"Why, it's an orb of chaos, of course!" Discord said, rolling his eyes like it was the most obvious thing in Equestria. "I thought you would enjoy studying it, Princess of Book Smarts, or was I mistaken?"
"I..." Twilight said, glancing from the monochromatic orb in front of her to the multi colored eyes of Discord. "Yes, I think I will enjoy examining it. Thank you, Discord."
"It was my pleasure, Princess," he said with a mischievous smile. "Who's next?" he called, looking around as his clawed finger traced his bejeweled bow-tie.
"Oh, me next, me next!" shouted Pinkie Pie, who seemed a moment away from exploding into confetti out of sheer joy.
"You and Spike drew each other's names, so how about you give your gifts at the same time?" Twilight suggested.
"Oh, that sounds fun!" Pinkie said as she bounced over to the table to retrieve a purple packaged package.
"That's alright with me," Spike said with a shrug, who had already retrieved an oddly small box wrapped in pink paper.
With a hop, skip and a jump, Pinkie Pie popped up in front of spike, holding his present out to him in her hooves. "Here you go, Spike, happy Hearth's Warming!"
"Thanks, Pinkie," Spike said, taking his gift in his claws. Setting it down next to him, he held his gift out to Pinkie Pie, the pink mare's eyes widening in wonder.
"Thanks, Spike!" she said as she pulled the small amount of paper off the package. After revealing the small blue box, which was barely bigger than a pint of milk, Pinkie Pie lifted the top off with her nose. Pinkie's eyes widened to the size of large kumquats as she deftly plucked her prize from the package.
"A cupcake?" Rainbow Dash called in surprise, who had moved to hover above Pinkie Pie. "Seriously? You'd think Pinkie Pie eats enough sweets!" Rainbow Dash said flatly..
"It's not just any cupcake," Spike said as the glittering pastry was extracted from its home. "It has gummy emeralds and sapphires, with a super special frosting, all of which I made myself!"
"It's wonderful, Spike, you really know me!" Pinkie Pie beamed at him. Rainbow Dash rubbed her hoof against her face in frustration.
In the following moment, Pinkie Pie did something that was an extremely rare phenomenon. She held the cupcake up to her face, gave it a small delicate sniff, and then took a tiny bite. Piece by piece, Pinkie Pie nibbled on the colorful pastry carefully. She savored the taste with such meticulous care that it was as if the cupcake was Pinkie Pie's entire world. With each bite, the party ponies smile grew wider, even reaching all the way to her eyes.
"Oh, let me open your present," Spike said with a chuckle. Pinkie Pie's focus, however, did not stray for the magnificent pastel pastry. With the snip of a claw, Spike cut the ribbon from Pinkie's gift to him, and extracted an odd looking bag. It rattled in his hold as he raised it to eye level.
"Is it candy?" he questioned, giving it another small shake.
"Knowin' Pinkie Pie, there's a good chance of that," said Applejack.
Spike pulled the bag open carefully, the pair of strings along its mouth going slack. Reaching inside, the noise of small objects clicking together sounded as he managed to extract a piece of candy.
"Hmm," Spike said as he turned the small sphere in his claw, which resembled a dark-colored hard candy. "Well, down the hatch!"
Popping the candy into the air, he opened his mouth wide to catch it. However, just before it could drop onto his tongue, it disappeared from sight.
"Huh?" Spike gawked, before looked down at the ground in case he had dropped it. Shrugging, he pulled another out of the bag and tossed it into the air. Once more, it flew in a gentle arch towards his open mouth, and once again, it vanished before it reached its final destination. Growling in determination, he repeated this process several more times, only for the candy to mysteriously vanish.
"What gives?" Spike said in a huff. Then, finally, he turned to glance at Pinkie Pie, who had only just finished her bejeweled cupcake. She had the missing candies in her hoof, and was she staring at him while also trying very hard not to burst out laughing.
"Pinkie Pie, can I have my candy back?"
"It's not candy, silly billy, these are marbles," Pinkie Pie gestured to the bag. "You don't eat them, you play with them. Come on, let's find a table and I'll show you," she said as she hopped over to an empty table excitedly.
"You could have just told me that in the first place," Spike said in exasperation.
"Nope, a cupcake that good demanded my undivided attention," Pinkie Pie informed him.
"I reckon it's our turn now, Rainbow," Applejack said as she walked towards the still perplexed Rainbow Dash.
Shaking her head in defeat, Rainbow Dash turned to Applejack and then smiled, "Alright, you go first, because we have to save my present for last, since it's the most awesome." Applejack snorted in amusement, her eyebrow raised questioningly at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash held her composure for a few glorious moments, but eventually broke down. "Okay, fine, I'm sure your present is just as good as mine."
"Sometimes, Rainbow, yur' too much," Applejack said with a warm smile and a shake of her head. "Fine, I'll go first, if it'll make yuh' happy." Rainbow Dash eagerly hovered over Applejack as her friend retrieved her present from the table. A tall, skinny shaped package sat wrapped in golden paper, held together at the top with red string. "Here yah' go, Rainbow, hope yah' like it." Applejack picked the bottle up in her mouth and then gently lobbed it up to Rainbow Dash, who caught it with ease.
"Gotcha!" She said, her hooves holding the bottle firmly to her chest. Touching down, Rainbow took the string in her teeth and then pulled. The paper fell off easily, revealing a clear bottle of golden amber fluid. The royal liquid of pure ecstasy reflected in Rainbow Dash's eyes, making her expanding pupils seem like giant golden orbs.
"Is that what I think it is?" Rainbow Dash said as her mouth began to salivate.
"Ehhyup," Applejack said in perfect imitation of her older brother. "It's our newest recipe, an' I wanted you to be the first to try it, Sugarcube."
Before Applejack had even finished speaking, Rainbow Dash had uncorked the bottled with her teeth and taken a large gulp. Her wings sprung outwards like she'd been about to take off, and her eyes dilated even further.
"It's like a bottle of pure awesomeness," Rainbow Dash said. Then, looking over to Twilight Sparkle with the most serious of expressions upon her face, Rainbow asked, "Twilight, I'm going to need you to replace my blood with this stuff, like, right now."
The room was absolutely silent, until the sounds of marbles cracking against each other returned everypony to reality. As everypony chuckled merrily, Rainbow Dash replaced the cork into the bottle and then flew over to Applejack.
"Thanks, Applejack, that meant a lot to me, you know?" Rainbow dash said, giving Applejack a hug.
"I know, Sugarcube," Applejack said, allowing herself to be smothered by the cyan pegasus. "Now, let's see that awesome present yah' got meh'."
"Oh, right!" Rainbow Dash said with a somewhat noticeable blush. Dashing over to the table, she plucked the last present into her hooves and returned to Applejack in two seconds flat. The gift was round and heavy, making a strange noise as Applejack took the present with her hooves.
"Hmm," Applejack said, giving it a little shake. Then, with a shrug, she started tearing the blue wrapping off to reveal an odd burlap sack. Applejack wore a bewildered expression on her face as she looked up at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow simply smiled and waved her hoof for Applejack to continue. Opening the sack, Applejack reached in with a hoof and then extracted what appeared to be a small seed. Eyeing it carefully, Applejack gave it a sniff.
In shock, Applejack almost dropped the sack as she exclaimed, "No! Rainbow! You didn't actually..."
"Yep!" Rainbow Dash said, a proud smile spread across her whole face. "Arabian Cinnamon Apple seeds, fresh and ready to plant!"
"But, Rainbow," Applejack stammered. "These things are five bits a piece. A piece!" Applejack shook the bag gently and appeared to do some math in her head as she looked up. "This has to be at least over a hundred bits, Rainbow, what were yah' thinkin'!?"
"Rainbow," Twilight said, taking a step forward. "We set a limit of twenty bits per pony, you really overdid it..."
"Well..." Rainbow Dash said, tracing her hoof against the ground. "The seeds are only that expensive if you buy them in Canterlot. But, if you were to buy them in Saddle Arabia..." Rainbow Dash trailed off as Twilight, Rarity and Applejack closed in on her.
"You went to Saddle Arabia?" they all exclaimed at her at once. "When did you even have time for that?" Twilight asked incredulously.
"Well, you remember about a month ago, when I was sick for a week?" Rainbow Dash said as if it were no big deal.
"You're impossible, Rainbow," Applejack said, closing the bag and placing in on the ground next to her. Then, moving towards Rainbow Dash, Applejack said, "But I'll be darned if that ain't the sweetest thang anypony has ever done for meh'," Applejack finished, giving Rainbow a firm hug.
"Alright, girls, let's cleanup for the night. We've got a big party planned tomorrow and it would behoove us to be well rested for Pinkie's biggest party of the year." Twilight said cheerfully, yet seriously.
---
The next morning, Spike awoke to something very unusual. Twilight, who normally slept in until almost noon, was already awake. Spike, who was rubbing his eyes wearily, was surprised to see Twilight's bed completely empty. With a yawn and a stretch, he walked out of the bedroom and turned towards the library. Even if Twilight was awake this early, there was still only one thing he expected the alicorn to be up to at this hour.
And lo and behold, if he were a betting dragon, he'd be a few bits richer. As Spike entered the library, he watched as Twilight poured over a collection of books, the orb Discord had given her placed on a pedestal before her. Stifling another yawn, Spike left the library, leaving Twilight uninterrupted with the intent of making breakfast.
About twenty minutes later, he returned with two plates full of pancakes, syrup and orange juice. He also had his sack of marbles that Pinkie Pie had given him the previous evening. Hearing the gentle chinking of silverware against plates, Twilight finally took notice of Spike.
"Good morning, Spike, did you sleep well?" she said, before stiffing a small yawn of her own.
"Yeah, I slept alright. You hungry, Twilight?" he said as he held the plate of delicious looking pancakes up to her.
"Well, I've been studying this orb for hours, I didn't even think about food, I've been so focused," Twilight said. Unsurprisingly, upon taking a whiff of the aromatic pancakes, her stomach spoke for her.
"Well, I guess that answers that question," Spike said with a smile. Gently moving a few of the books over, he set the plate of pancakes down in front of Twilight. She licked her lips as she levitated a cushion next to her and then gestured to it.
Placing his own plate down and settling onto the cushion, Spike pointed to the orb, "Have you figured anything out about it yet?"
"Mmm," Twilight said, her mouth already full of fluffy goodness. Taking a moment to swallow and then breathe, she looked from Spike to the orb, and then frowned. "Not really," she said as she cut another piece of pancake with her magic. "All I know is that it contains not only magical energy, but a strange complexity of spells."
"Is it dangerous?" Spike asked as he too gazed into the orb of chaos.
"Knowing Discord, probably at least a little dangerous, but I'll be careful," Twilight said, putting a comforting wing on Spike's shoulder.
The pair finished the rest of their breakfast in silence as each contemplated the meaning of existence. Eventually, they decided the answer was definitely some sort of pancake. After cleaning up the dishes, Spike returned to the library. Walking past Twilight, he sat at a small reading table and then opened the bag of marbles. Taking out the boulder first, which was the biggest and the key piece of the set, he placed it on the table. Looking into the shifting colors of blue and purple, he smiled and spun it with a flick of his claws. As the boulder spun, Spike pulled out the colorful assortment of other marbles, setting them down carefully onto the table. He clacked them against each other without direction, before finally taking the time to set everything up properly as Pinkie had shown him.
Twilight, who had gone back to studying Discord's gift, looked at Spike in the corner of her eye, and then smiled. Focusing back at the task at hoof, she narrowed her eyes in concentration and then lit her horn. Magic carefully poured into the orb as Twilight tried to magically gain understanding of its inner workings. Then, with a sudden flash of violet, the orb of magic spun madly in place. With a cacophony of static and lightning, violet streaks shot out in different directions, striking randomly in the library.
Spike, who had looked up upon hearing the sudden noise, was surprised to see a bolt of magical energy charging straight towards him. With a sudden panic, he jumped backwards as the energy hit the table in front of him.
---
Spike rubbed his head furiously, the imaged of the table in front of him blurring as he did so. Sitting up, he found himself lying on the ground of the library, unsure of how he'd gotten there.
"Twilight?" Spike called out, looking around for his big sister. After standing up and then taking a walk around the library, he was sure she wasn't in there. "Twilight!" he called again, this time louder and more panicked. Taking a step towards the library exit, Spike thought he heard something. Turning around, his eyes scanned the room, but once again, found nothing for which he was searching. With a shrug, he another took a step out of the library when something struck the back of his head.
"Ow!' Spike said, massaging the spot with his hand. "Who threw that?"
Finally, Spike noticed a small source of movement coming from Twilight's reading desk, and then moved closer to see what it was. Sitting upon an open book was a small, violet colored earthworm with a tiny unicorn horn.
"Hey, Spike..." Twilight said in a squeaky voice.