Big Mac's Journal
Wednesday, October 2
Alas, yet another day spent working my tail off at Sweet Apple Acres. Another day spent in the monotonous practice of harvesting apples, caring for what livestock we have, and all the other chores set upon me to keep this farm running.
I suppose, however, that the way I describe my work makes it sound unpleasant. The truth is that I am a very content stallion. My work is hard, but it is honest and I love every moment of it. At the end of every day I get to hold my head high knowing that I made a difference not only in my community, but in Equestria. Few ponies can make such a claim. The only thing I regret about my lifestyle is the heavy price I must pay to lead it.
Everypony knows me only as a quiet and simple farm stallion, rarely speaking outside the “Eyup” and “Nnope” responses that I am so known for. Everypony who knows me has this image burned into their minds. They could never imagine me as the intelligent and pensive stallion that I know I am. I must hide who I truly am in from the world. In this manner, I live in my own personal Hell with only a ragged old doll for company. I know Spartypants lacks the ability to think and therefore to understand, but I feel that we are both alike in that we are both greatly misunderstood. Nopony looks past what is on the outside and they all simply judge us based on premature assumptions.
Today I went into town to stack hay bales and came across an architect who was working on plans for a rather impressive new building design somewhat resembling a skyscraper. He had good plans, save for the measurements. From a short distance behind him I could see that he was but one formula shy of accuracy. This was a cause for great frustration for him. I knew the formula, but was forced to keep silent. Had I told him he likely would have been shocked and awkward silence would have prevailed. There is no knowing what might happen if I were to reveal my true self. I might even be accused of being a Changeling, even thought the Changeling scare is long passed.
Shortly after my run-in with the architect, I heard of the latest activity of the Book Club that was started by Twilight Sparkle three months ago. I have kept my ears open to talk of the club and it appears they have yet to feature a book that I haven’t read (in secret mind you). This week they are discussing “The Forbidden Love”, a book about the first interracial lovers (an Earth Pony and a Pegasus) back in the days of yore when interracial love was forbidden under pain of death. I must say I desperately want to go to the book club and discuss these magnificent works of literature, this one in particular, but alas I can’t.
On my way back to the farm, I bumped into Cheerilee. It was one of the rare times in which I was glad for my quiet reputation because I was once again at a loss for words. Had I tried to say anything outside of my standard dialog I would have likely made a fool of myself. She has been having that effect on me lately. It has been happening ever since the Hearts and Hooves incident nearly eight months ago and my feelings keep getting stronger. I keep telling myself that it is merely the aftermath of the love poison tricked upon us by my sister, Applebloom, and her friends. Though I am beginning to wonder if the incident simply made potential feelings a reality.
I always thought Cheerilee was beautiful, but I had never harbored feelings for her, aside from the time I had a minor crush on her when we were Applebloom’s age. I want to ask Cheerilee out, but I must admit that I am afraid. I have a reputation for being very shy, and I suppose I am. What will happen when I ask her out? Will she pick up on the secret side of me, which not even my family knows of? What will her answer be? An other thing to consider is in the event of a serious relationship developing over time I will have no choice, but to reveal this side of myself that I only display in this journal. What will happen then? What will she say? How will everypony react when they find out about my secret? There seems so much at risk.
At any rate on to other matters. I spotted Applebloom and her friends outside of their clubhouse this evening. They were trying to earn their cutie marks by performing a large number of summersaults and cartwheels in a row. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out will and I had to take them to Grannie Smith to be treated for minor wounds. Despite her blindness due to the arrogance of youth I am more proud of Applebloom than any other member of the Apple Family. I can already see that she will break free of the monotonous Apple Family Cycle and develop a special talent that is something entirely different from apples. While I truly love the apple business I am proud of her and somewhat envious of her fortune.
Friday, October 4
I ran into Cheerilee in town today. Then again perhaps I should say she found me. It took a great deal of control not to look surprised when she told me she had been looking for me. Apparently there was an incident at the school today involving an explosion and now the school is in need of a new roof. She asked me if I would take on the task for tomorrow and I agreed. Perhaps spending the day with her will help me to understand the feelings I have for her. If all goes well, I will ask her out and risk exposing my true self. I am tired of hiding who I really am. All I can do is hope for the best. Even if it costs me my peaceful lifestyle, I can’t bare to hide anymore.