The Rabbit Takes Las Pegasus
Hello, my name is Angel Bunny. My friends call me Angel. You can call me 'Angel Bunny'.
You should know, I'm the best pet of Fluttershy. Forget those stupid birds and that softie bear, I'm number one. Do you agree? If not, you and I have a problem. We can take it outside later, as soon as dinner is over.
Scared yet? Well, you should be. I once punted my owner, who's around a hundred times my size, through her front door into a mailbox when she failed to get me what I wanted. Still not terrified? Well, your funeral, pal.
In fact, scratch out what I said in paragraph two. I'm the best pet in Ponyville full stop. Winona? A slave to her master. Tank? That slowpoke needs rotor blades to get anywhere. Opal-something? A useless ball of fluff. Owlicious? Doesn't know how to have any fun. Gummy? Oh pur-lease... don't insult me.
So, with being top do-rabbit and full deserving all the privileges that come with that esteemed position, I was most put out when I discovered my owner was leaving me alone yet again on one of her unsolicited trips away. I tried to object, but she completely ignored me holding my breath until I turned blue, only giving me a little kiss on the cheek and a reassurance that she'd 'be back soon'.
Not good enough. I want a specific date, time, second... or this place goes up in flames while she's away. Well, in reality I'll probably just rearrange the furniture a bit, but I like to talk tough. Keeps everyone on their toes and hooves, ya see.
That's when I see it. My once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My get-out-of jail-free card. My golden ticket outta this dump. A traveling bag left slightly unzipped, with my name written all over it. Well, not literally, but it should have. Doesn't a creature as cute as me deserve their own line in designer luggage?
I dive straight in there, hoping that my owner doesn't twig that I'm missing before she departs. Fortunately, with her being in a hurry, she's none the wiser. A few hours of slight motion later, I feel myself being loaded into the back of some large, noisy vehicle, and off we go. I feel all hot and stuffy, and there's little room in this enclosed space, but I don't care. Far better this, than another surprise visit from Discord at the cottage while she's away. I don't fancy being a draconequus's cosmic plaything for the day again, thanks.
After too much bumping and thumping to keep track of, I finally feel us come to a screeching halt. I take a peek through the hole via the zipper, and I cannot believe my eyes. Lights! Theatre! Safe gambling establishments! This is my kinda town. I might just have considered staying here permanently right then, if I didn't love snuggling with my owner so much on stormy nights. Sue me... she has her redeeming qualities.
In the present circumstances though, she'd only try to quash my rebellious streak, so even before she's properly left the train station, I hop off. I deserve a solo adventure, free of her mollycoddling for a while. Time to rip this place asunder, and show it just what a pair of long ears and goofy teeth can really do.
I begin at the slots. Apparently, you can win large quantities of fruit by matching them in groups of three. Goodie, I missed breakfast and lunch today because of my uncomfortable journey. The only prizes I can see illustrated on the reels up there from my low angle though, are lemons and melons. Ugh, I hope they have a better selection up there than 'sour' and 'tasteless'. Interestingly, if you switch the third and first letter of those disgusting food items around, you end up with the other one. See? I'm not just a pretty face with a fluffy tail.
Anyway, I foresee two small obstacles between me and my long-awaited meal. The first being, the need to insert one of those hard spherical objects into the provided hole to get the machine to work. The second is a little more personal... I'm way too much of a midget to reach up there, even at maximum jump thrust. What to do, what to do...
The answer arrives in the form of an old mare I spot nearby, rhythmically pumping those small round items into a machine before pulling the handle repeatedly, as if there was nothing else going on her life. That would be my guess, anyway, I swear I can see cobwebs formed around the vicinity she seems to have taken root in. Her crushing sense of loneliness and isolation is not my concern, however... and what works for the spiders, is fine for me, too.
Hoping my hunch that this elderly pony's perception of her surroundings is a little less than one-hundred per cent, I climb up her trembling frame, grabbing one of those hard disks from a nearby cup en route. Just as I suspected... not even the hint of a suggestion that she spots me swiping part of her hard-earned pension. Forget cats, it's now the age of the bunny burglar.
Now that I'm on a much higher level, it's an elementary matter to vault to the next unoccupied machine in line, and push the solid round thingie into the provided slot. After watching the half-dead old fossil for a while, I know what to do next... stamp on the button when it starts glowing. All I can do after that is wait, and hope a trio of pictures featuring my favourite food all line up side-by-side together. Lucky rabbit's feet, don't fail me now.
I don't believe it. Cherries! I got cherries! Those are like... some of the rarest, juiciest, yummiest fruit around! You hardly see them at Ponyville market due to it being out of season, and the absence of even one from the tastiest salad has the potential to ruin the entire dish.
I quickly leap down and wait with feverish anticipation for my reward to arrive, even producing a tiny bib in preparation for the expected feast ahead. Oh, you didn't know bunnies have pockets? Well, you do now.
What on Equestria is going on? I opened my mouth widely at the base of the machine, expecting it to be filled soon with all manner of citrussy goodness. Instead, I find myself immersed under an avalanche of those solid spherical discs. They've not only added to the collection of bruises I've accrued after my bumpy ride here, but also impeded my movement to the extent that I can't move an inch from underneath them. Oh, where's a rescue team when you need one?
Fortunately, my prayers were soon answered. I see a crowd full of excited ponies stampeding towards me, each one desperate to be the first to pull me out. Come on everypony, this isn't a competition. I knew I was cute, but I didn't know I had that much effect on others. Note to self: Never underestimate self again.
Huh? This gets more bizarre with every passing second. After digging me out from the heap, you'd expect those who so bravely came to my aid to at least ask me how I was. Not a bit of it, they just toss me aside and start grabbing hooffuls of those worthless round objects off the floor, before legging it away. I'll never get most ponies, they perform an act of true, selfless heroism, but sully it by greedily snatching up so much... whatever that stuff is, afterwards.
See that poor old codger over there, with nothing better to do with her time than feed the monster in front of her day-in, day-out? That's your future, all you pathetic ponies fighting right now. I leave them to their childish squabbling and hop off once more, my stomach still rumbling and my palette far from satisfied. Surely somewhere in this crazy place, there must be some sustenance for an adorable fluffy on the lam?
Oops, no time to dwell on my gnawing appetite now though, for duty calls. Those diabolical ponies have struck once more, and imprisoned hundreds of my brothers inside a large glass cabinet, guarded by a threatening claw with three sharp prongs. So terrified are the detainees, they aren't moving an inch... with colts and fillies kidnapping them willy-nilly through a little panel at the base of their overcrowded jail cell. This has to stop.
I cautiously approach the construct, waiting for the last of the youngsters in line to steal one of my brethren, before I make my big entrance. Their sacrifices will not be in vain. Entering in via the way they left, I dramatically roll inside like the hero I am, quickly working my way up to where they're being held, all the time glancing upwards, making sure that ominous talon doesn't snatch me up like so many others before me.
Well, this is weird. Despite offering them an easy escape route out of their penitentiary, none of my kin seems in the least bit interested in sweet freedom, preferring instead to lay there motionless with creepy grins set on their faces. They must be heavily dosed up on something to be so calm in such dire circumstances, poor things.
Oh well, it looks like this is one bunny who's going to have to take matters into his own paws again. If they're unwilling to budge, I'll just have to carry them out one at a time. It might take forever, but I can't leave when such blatant animal cruelty is taking place underneath my twitching, pink nose. Another thing me and my owner have in common... will wonders never cease.
Unfortunately, I only get as far as lifting one of my brethren off the ground, before I somehow trigger the alarm. Lights flash, obnoxious music plays, the claw springs to life and a whiny voice screams from outside "Dada, I wanna have da bunny wunny dat moves!" Hang on... surely she can't mean...
But yes, I'm exactly what the spoiled brat is referring to, and as the prongs relentlessly close in on my position, I realise I have a difficult decision to make. Will I take the place of one of these drugged-up convicts, and allow myself to be captured by the enemy, forced into a life of tight squeezes, rough stroking and being dressed up for tea-parties with similarly unlucky domesticated creatures?
Absolutely not, is the answer to that. My owner may not be perfect, but at least she gives me plenty of space and time to be my naturally anarchic self. With this new potential adopter, I'd most likely be kept in a cramped little cage half my life, and the other half treated like a kit. No thank you. I have a noble heart, but my heroism does carry certain limits . Sorry friend, you're taking one for the team.
I don't waste a second longer in introducing the hostage I'm carrying to the merciless embrace of the talon of doom. Fare ye well soldier, it was a pleasure serving with you. Then, after casting one last sad glance at the rest of the fallen troops, I dash through the panel and hop away as fast as my elastic legs can carry me. Away from the screaming filly who won't get her cherished prize, away from my guilt at leaving so many good bunnies to a hopeless life of servitude...
But one thing I can't get away from is my empty tummy, which is now so underfed it feels on the verge of jumping out through my mouth to search for nourishment by itself, in protest. I scan the horizon once more, but I can see in terms of food are fluffy, weightless clouds of pink and strips of warm canine in rectangular buns. Did I mention yet, how weird the dietary habits of ponies can be?
I'm just about to give up all hope of ever being nutritionally satisfied again, and bid a fond farewell to my favourite internal organ, when my ears prick up of their own accord. Someone is shouting "Yoo-who" in a loud, squeaky voice, and judging by the accent... that has to be one of my cousins from the south! So, there are rabbits here capable of movement and speech! What a relief, for a moment there I thought something was going around.
He's waving at me from a top hat, a small grey bunny who looks just like me... though, not half as cute, of course. He tells me his name is Bernard, and wants to know if I'm lost. I inform him that if I am, such a concern takes a distant second place to my devastating hunger, and I jump up and down for emphasis. The lack of any sort of sound sloshing around in my tummy comprehends the gravity of the situation, and he reassures me that he'll 'see what he can do'.
Taking a dive into the depths of his hat, he returns shortly to give me... FIVE whole carrots!! Wow, what generosity! I don't stop to ask him how he can store them in such a confined space, I get to the serious business of chowing down. They've been kept down there for a while, but at this present moment, they taste better than any freshly picked vegetables I've ever eaten.
It takes just a few minutes to reduce each orange root to a green leaf, and in my heedless voracity, I end up swallowing them, too. All this time , Bernard just sits there with his paws crossed, watching me with vague amusement. When I'm finally finished, patting my now plump belly with a real sense of gratification, he asks me if now I'll be ready to tell all about myself, how I came to be in the thrill capital of Equestria, if my owner is with me, and how I got in such a state of malnutrition I ended up depriving him of his emergency stash of carrots for a rainy day.
Realising I owe him big time for sating my ravenous appetite, I decide to tell all. About my owner, who rescued me from dying along with my mother and siblings in a wood shortly after I was born. About how she might be an easily exploitable soft touch, but is one of the most caring, sharing mares around. About my stowing away to Las Pegasus in her luggage, completely against her express wishes. About how this place is a lot less fun than I was led to believe, considering all the machines with false food advertising, hardened circular disc avalanches, pony fights, sharp claws, squealing brats, narcotised bunnies...
I stop talking when I realise Bernard is laughing at me, his paws holding his gut as he rolls around the floor in sheer mirth. I frown, and ask him what is so hilarious about many of our kind being held captive, as well as all the other dangers present at this so-called 'fun' destination. After he's finally finished his hysterics, he says what I've described is nothing to be afraid of, but a small town rabbit like me wouldn't understand. Then, he wonders why I ignored and abandoned my owner so flagrantly in the first place, since I so clearly love her.
Usually, this kind of sappy talk would have me turning green at the gills, but you know what... he's right. Even while I was relaying the tale of my life to him, I felt myself get extremely emotional about all the good times I shared with my owner. Like, training her to overcome that hurricane, playing hide-and-seek with her in that castle, comforting her after those untrue headlines about her mane extensions... I may give her some, well, a lot of grief, but that doesn't mean I don't lov... what Bernard said.
I swiftly brush away the trickles of moisture that seem to have erroneously found their way onto my fuzzy cheeks, and try to change the subject by asking Bernard about his owner. His speaking tone changing to one of great admiration, the grey rabbit informs me that he's the finest stage magician around, who could quite easily take his act on the road if he so wanted. The only fly in the ointment being this unscrupulous bossman called Gladmane who routinely manipulates him and his assistant to argue over their performances together, thus rendering all chances of a world tour impossible.
I feel my blood boiling just listening to the methods this charlatan employs to stop my new friend and his owner from reaching a larger audience, how selfish can you get? And believe me, I know selfishness. But it's when Bernard tells me of his frustration at not being able to tell anyone else about his dilemma, that I have my great idea.
You see, my owner has the incredibly rare gift of being able to speak to animals, and while us lowly woodland creatures may be powerless to stop the injustices going on in our midst, surely her, as a representative of the Princess, would be able to do something about it. Positive that she'll be making her rounds through here later, I tell him that he should try confiding in her exactly what he'd just told me, and to also spread the word to some of his other animal friends who might work here. He sounds skeptical, but he says he'll do his best. Then...
"Bernard, time to start training agai... well, what do we have here? You've made yourself a new friend, I see. A white rabbit too... so hard to find in these parts. What do you say, little stray bunny? Do you want to join our act? i can give you your own hat, and your own weight in carrots. All you have to do is stay put..."
A bearded stallion, who I assume is Bernard's owner, has suddenly appeared from behind a curtain. He's spotted me and is even now slowly moving forward, ready to pounce. I already have an owner that dotes on me and a warm bed to sleep in, so no thanks, mate. Bernard motions for me to run and I do so, just avoiding his owner's grasp in my headlong flight away.
Glancing back to nod a silent farewell to my new friend, the thought strikes me I didn't realise how good I had it until now. Sure, Bernard gets all the carrots he can eat, but having to work so hard for them in front of a demanding crowd? Plus, his living quarters consist of a hat? I don't care how deep it is, either I get a room to myself with central heating and a shower, or no deal. Perhaps, after just witnessing how hard some of my kin have it in other parts of the world, I should try and be nicer to my owner. Not too nice, but a little effort never hurt anyone.
Having had quite enough of the Las Pegasus circuit at this stage, I make the easiest choice ever: To hop back to the relative comfort train station of the train station, and hide behind an old newspaper until my owner returns so we can be on our way back to Ponyville post haste. The hours and hours of tedious waiting that precede feel like a blessed relief. Who'd have though peace and quiet could be so desirable?
Finally, just as I'm about to nod off, that's when I see them... My owner, and her carrot-coloured friend, walking back towards the train. I like to think my advice to Bernard helped save the day and sped up the completion of their mission, but who knows? The only thing I'm interested in is the journey back.
Nopony sees me as I rush back into the bag, unzipping and zipping it up in record time. Inside, I realise there's even less room than there was before, thanks to the strange inclusion of a green wig, a flashy purple dress, a feathery boa, and a pair of oversized glasses. How unusual... I never would have put my owner as being one who would adorn such a flamboyant outfit.
My curiosity is soon overcome by exhaustion from the rigours of the day however, and I feel my eyelids gently droop as the gentle vibration of the train lulls me into a deep sleep. Bye bye, Las Pegasus... and for now, the world.
.............................................................................................
"What on Equestria are you doing in there, Angel?" Fluttershy could not believe her eyes on their arrival back, after unfastening her bag and seeing her pet inside, dead to the world.
Wondering for one dreadful minute if something terrible had happened to her precious rabbit, those fears were soon allayed by the gentle snoring that emanated from the creature, as well as the paw that instinctively moved up to shut out the light.
Fluttershy nudged him a little, he opened his eyes... and the first reaction he had upon realising his location was to hop around the room doing somersaults, as if the simple fact he was in his own living room was the most wonderful thing ever.
Fluttershy could not quite understand any of this excitement, or what the hyperactive rabbit had been doing while she'd been solving the latest friendship problem. Her questions were cut short however, by an abrupt, out of left field, completely out-of-character warm hug from Angel, who stopped his energetic bouncing about to give the yellow pegasus the fondest of cuddles on her muzzle.
As if things couldn't get any more surreal, after Angel had finished prancing around and his rare demonstration of affection, he quickly grabbed a nearby broom and begun sweeping, sending dust flying everywhere. Fluttershy and her birds looked at each other with concern, all of them sharing the opinion that this bore all the hallmarks of a nervous breakdown. Still, he did seem to be happy, and so well-behaved for a change...
The yellow pegasus smiled, and decided to leave such worries as his stowing away and how he'd survived the journey alone for now. Whatever he'd experienced over there had clearly changed him for the better, but would this sudden revelation lead to a permanent shift in his recalcitrant personality?
Probably not... but it would be nice while it lasted.