Sunlight bombarded my eyes as I strategically faced myself away from the sun. Shadows danced across the ground in a chaotic waltz as everypony went about their business. Here I sat, watching them all go by as a light wind picked up my violet and blue streaked mane and flipped it about. It's a strange mix of colors for a stallion, though I'm not a typical stallion by any means.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the resident blank flank,” a sneering voice called out as my heart sank. Not this little brat again
“Charming as always, Diamond Tiara,” I cooly responded, trying my hardest not to backhoof her. She let out a harsh giggle, sending a chill down my spine.
“Why are you sitting around doing nothing? Don’t you have a job to…” she paused with a malicious smile on her face, “Oh, that’s right. You don’t have a special talent. Why would anypony hire a useless pony like you to do anything?” Her words stung me to the core, and I started to become flushed with anger. “How old are you anyways?” her incessant deluge continued.
“Old enough to know that I can crush you with one hoof, you little whelp.” I glared at her menacingly. “Speaking of special talents, shouldn’t you be out exercising yours by draining daddy’s bank dry?” I started to get to my hooves, trying in vain to prevent myself from trembling with anger.
She quickly masked her disappointment with a false giggle and a strained smile. “Comon Silver Spoon, let’s get out of here. Let’s leave this useless pony to be useless by himself,” she jeered, turning to her gray-colored partner. I snorted angrily and glared at the two.
“Stupid little bitch,” I muttered as the two trotted away. I dropped myself back onto the bench and let out a deep sigh. “Maybe she is right… maybe I am useless.” I lightly kicked a rock with my hoof and watched it as it bounced across the street.
I stared around aimlessly for a few minutes. I focused on the grass, on the figures walking by, on my orange fur, but no amount of focusing could remove the doubt from my head. I had no close friends, no job, and no cutie mark. Sure, life isn’t that terrible, but when you don’t have a purpose, how can you even begin to find happiness?
“You would think that I could get a cutie mark for my exceptional skill of not getting a cutie mark,” I joked quietly to myself. I pulled myself off the bench and joined the hustle and bustle of ponies. I figured if anything could throw me out of this slump, a nice trip to Sugarcube Corners would do the trick, and with any luck I’d see a friendly face or two.
As my hooves clopped against the cobblestone, it struck me how small of a town Ponyville really is. I knew so many faces, but I didn’t really know anything about their lives. I saw Lyra and Bon-bon being disgustingly cute, as usual, and just down the road were Doctor Whooves and Derpy fiddling with some odd device that gave me a strong sense that I was in danger. I stopped ponywatching and focused on heading to my destination; I had only walked a few paces farther before somepony stumbled into me, nearly knocking me over. I glanced back, “Dammit Berry Punch. Mare, you need to lay off the hard cider.” She only gave me a giggle and a coy smile before stumbling off to do Celestia knows what.
“Well, even though I don’t have a cutie mark, there never is a dull day,” I mumbled as I turned the corner. A sign that read “Sugarcube Corners” dangled in my face. I pushed open the door and trotted inside. I was barely inside the premises before a pink pony was in my face, yelling and being generally too enthusiastic.
“Hey there Violet, how are you on this fantastic day!” Not liking the invasion of my personal space, I backed up slightly.
“Fine, I suppose. It’s nice to know that somepony around here still knows my name,” I said, still bothered by the incident with Diamond Tiara.
“Knows your name? That’s silly! How could anypony forget somepony's name!” As she spoke I started to get a headache from her incessant bouncing.
“Tell that to everypony who thinks my name is ‘blankie’ or ‘blank flank’,” I said, frustration tinging my voice. I glanced away from Pinkie, trying not to make eye contact.
“Don’t be such a silly filly! Your name is Violet Flash, and anypony who forgets that is just being silly!” It seems nothing can dampen her spirits. However, despite how I felt, I couldn’t help but smile at her kindness. I suppose her spirit is contagious.
“Hey Pinkie… do you think it is ever too late for somepony to get their cutie mark?” I inquired from her, with the slightest hope that perhaps I wasn’t hopeless.
“Of course not! Everypony has their special talent that they are super special at! You just need to keep trying things until you find it.” Pinkie stopped bouncing and paused for a second, “Oh I know! You can help me bake a cake! Maybe you’re secretly a really good cake maker.” She paused again and licked her chops. “I really love cake. I think I'll go make some! Want to come?”
I laughed, “Sorry Pinkie, I’ll have to pass, I don’t think I have the energy to keep up with you today.”
“Okie dokey lokie. Suit yourself!” She bounced away in the typical Pinkie Pie fashion. With Pinkie gone, Sugarcube was quiet and peaceful, but something about the quietness unsettled me. I walked up to the counter, dug my face in my saddleback and pulled out a few bits. I tossed them onto the counter and gently grabbed a dark brown cupcake with a vibrant pink frosting; it was my favorite flavor, chocolate and strawberry. I gave it a quick lick, but as my taste buds processed the flavor, I found myself put off by the sweetness. I can’t believe how much that little brat’s words affected me. I’m better than this, she’s just a filly. But… she is right. I am useless, that's why I'm in this position to begin with. I tossed the cupcake into my saddlebag and headed off again. If I had one friend that I could trust in Ponyville, it was Twilight Sparkle. It was very curious how we met, and I don’t quite understand how it all happened. All I knew was that when you have nothing to do and nopony to see, you spend a lot of time in the library, and I suppose our friendship was built from there.
Within a few minutes of walking, I found myself at the base of Twilight’s treehouse. I always found it strange that she lived in a tree, but I never thought to question it; you see stranger things in Ponyville every day anyways. I raised my hoof and rapped the door a few times. The door glew a faint violet color and slowly swung open, and I could see a violet pony in the center of the room, horn aflame with light and surrounded by stacks of books and papers, with a look on intense focus on her face
“Hey there Flash, what brings you here?” she said, stopping her magic and cocking her head slightly.
“I was wondering if you had a minute to indulge a stallion in his misanthropy?” I said, slightly embarrassed that I had to bare my soul to her. However, Twilight already knew most of my story, so I wasn't too concerned. Twilight gave me a slightly concerned look before she replied, “Sure, what’s on your mind?” I simply glanced at my flank and gave a teasing response.
“Guess.”
“Flash…” she slowly said, her face resembling that of a worried mother. A sinking feeling hit my heart and I felt a pit in my stomach. I felt guilty and averted her gaze. I didn’t want her to worry about me because I knew that it bothered her. She ignored my aversion and started to lecture me, “You can’t dwell on this forever, you know. In all of the books I’ve read, I’ve need read anything about a pony that doesn’t have a special talent! Just because you’ve given up doesn’t mean it still isn’t out there. A few years ago, people thought you were one of the smartest ponies alive. You know this just as well as I do. They looked up to you!”
“I know… but knowing and believing are two different things. “ Our eyes met for a second before I looked down again. “It’s difficult. I was so close, there was so much pressure on me. But when it mattered, I couldn’t perform. All those years, I just got lucky; now fate has finally caught up with me.”
“Violet Flash! Stop lying to yourself. You know better than anypony that you were no fluke, and I don’t want to hear anything suggesting otherwise,” Twilight said, giving me a stern look. I felt my face getting hot so I looked away. I forgot how attractive Twilight can be when she’s annoyed.
“Maybe…” I muttered, still too embarrassed to look Twilight in the eye, though she didn't appear to notice my blush.
“Twilight! You’ve got a letter from the Princess.” I heard a voice yell from upstairs. Thank Celestia, a distraction. Twilight’s horn started glowing again as a letter suddenly apparated . For a moment, Twilight was intensely focused on the letter before she turned to me with an apologetic face.
“Flash… I’m really sorry, but I have to go. Duty calls. Just remember what I said. I think it’s time you got back to your roots. You have some unfinished business to take care of.” Twilight gave me a genuine smile before she was replaced with a flash of violet light.
“I… I guess.” I said softly to myself. I had been dreading this for a while. Part of me didn’t want to face the past, and strong anxiety gripped my soul; I was scared to go back. Failing once was too much, I couldn't bear failing again.
As I walked the cobblestone paths of Ponyville, the previously bright sky had been filled with a soft, fading glow of crimson. Seeing the beautiful aura of twilight, I couldn’t help but slow my pace and take extra care to enjoy my surroundings; one look at this sky could ease my heart and give me peace, no matter the circumstances. Ignoring Twilight Sparkle’s advice, I let my hooves aimlessly carry me around the streets. Most of the houses I passed were stout and wooden, with a simple frame and symmetrical design, but occasionally I would see the house of the more affluent, with careful decoration and structural eccentricities.
I walked past a wooden bulletin board where a large flyer caught my eye. From a distance I could clearly see a unicorn horn and a large font reading “TESTERS WANTED!” Thinking it could be work, I decided to examine the flyer more carefully.
“The Alicorn Research Center has created a new device called the Hypershoe. These horseshoes are infused with alicorn materials that allow the user to perform magic without the user being a unicorn. Testers are wanted to test the efficiency and ease-of-use of—“ I chuckled, my eyes trailing from the page. It’s taken them this long to catch up. As the thought rolled through my head, I felt a sinking sensation in my heart. My heart started to speed up as I glanced behind me, expecting to see somepony there, grinning teasingly. This flyer cannot be just a coincidence. Somepony must be toying with me. Run as I might, the past always seemed to catch up with me. No, I can’t face this, I won’t. I failed. Confronting it won’t change that fact. I was a failure chasing the wrong dream. I have to accept it. Though just as part of me was convinced I was wrong, part of me was just as convinced that I was right. In my self-loathing, I decided to take a trip to the bar that was just down the street and try to drown away all thoughts of the past.
The dimly lit bar was surprisingly busy this early at night, but I paid little attention to anypony in the room. The last thing I needed was a drunken buffoon to pick a fight because my flank was unadorned. I stepped up to a chair at the bar and dropped myself carelessly onto the dark-stained wood. “Double shot of brandy,” I called out to a stallion behind the bar. The bartender gave me a quick nod and in within a few moments a short glass filled with a pale-amber liquid slid my way. I dug into my saddlebag and tossed a few bits onto the counter. I picked up the glass and quickly tipped the liquid into my mouth, swallowing as soon as all liquid left the glass. It left a burning sensation as it passed and I gave a light involuntary cough. So it’s come down to this. You’re just another Berry Punch, drinking away your problems. My thoughts teased me and haunted me as I let the ethanol slowly absorb into my bloodstream. I wonder if she had a similar past, haunted by failures and misforgivings. Then again… she does have a cutie mark. I broke off the train of thoughts by waving for the bartender and calling out “Another, please.” Again an amber filled glass slid across the table and was sent down my throat. However, my contemplative follow-up was interrupted by a unfamiliar cream-color mare that approached me.
“Do you mind if I buy you a drink?” the mare offered with a warm smile that caused my mind to still itself. She was a pegasus with an emerald mane and a cloud cutie-mark.
“Sure, by all means,” I responded, pointing at an adjacent chair with my hoof. As she sat down, I began to notice the creeping sense of warmth in my face. The brandy was starting to kick in, and I felt my body loosening up.
“Can I get two hard ciders over here,” she called out to the bartender. As the drinks slid our way, she pushed one to me, still smiling, “my name’s Emerald Cloud.”
“Violet Flash,” I said, returning the courtesy, “um, so, what brings you over here?” Well, always suave with the ladies.
She gave a cute giggle and took a drink from her glass. “Well, I’m visiting a friend in Ponyville, and I saw you sitting by yourself. So I figured I’d give you some company,” she responding, “and plus, I wanted to ask you about your flank.”
“M-my what?!” I stammered, nearly knocking over my glass. Drunkenness was starting to set in.
She put her hoof against her forehead and laughed. “Don’t be silly, it’s blank! I’m not that kind of mare,” she giggled, pointing at my empty flank.
“Oh… right,” I responded, looking crestfallen. I looked away from her and took a large swig of my drink. Emerald’s smile disappeared as she saw my response.
“No, don’t take that the wrong way. I’m not judging you… I’m curious, what happens to somepony to make them lose their cutie mark!” she responded comfortingly.
“Lose?” I puzzled, “Oh, no. I never got my cutie mark to begin with…” Not wanting to see her reaction, I took another drink from my glass.
“You never got a—“ she started to respond, “surely you have a special talent. Everypony does, right?” I glanced over towards her and saw her staring straight back at me, her emerald eyes intently trying to read me. Between those inquisitive eyes and my drunken mind, I couldn’t hold back my story.
“Well, I thought I did… you see, a few years back, I used to a promising alicorn engineer. I was one of the first ever, actually, and everypony was impressive by all of my devices,” I started rambling, “I actually created a hoof attachment that allowed for precise magical capabilities; years before this new Supershoe, or whatever the hell they call it. Dammit, I teleported across a room with it years ago and they still haven’t gotten that far yet!” My drunkenness started to get the better of me as I felt a sense of excitement and exuberance.
“Well, if you were so good at it, why didn’t you get a cutie mark in it.” For the first time, I saw a hint of concern in her eyes, though in my drunkenness I didn’t think anything of it.
“I… I … it just wasn’t right for me. I realized I was making a mistake.” I dejectedly responded. I grabbed my glass and drank what remained in it.
“It certainly doesn’t sound like it,” she continued, her face painted with worry.
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH. I WAS A FAILURE.” I yelled drunkenly as frustration boiled to the surface. The look of pure horror on her face broke my spell of anger and as I looked around, I could see everypony in the bar staring at me. My heart started racing and my face flushed a deep red. “I-I’m, I’m sorry. I should go,” I quickly leapt out of the chair, struggling to maintain balance and cantered out of the bar, swaying heavily as I walked out into the now-dark streets of Ponyville.
I stumbled around the dark streets, trying to find my way home. However, in my heavy inebriation, I found this to be a much more difficult task that I would’ve ever expected. I should’ve known this would happen. I’m such a lightweight. I chastised myself in my head. As I observed the surrounding buildings, trying to get a bearing on where I was, I haphazardly knocked into a pony, nearly knocking us both over.
“I-I’m so sorr—wait, Twilight? Is that you?” I said, perking up upon noticing the violet mare standing before me.
“Violet?!” she started, a look of concern in her eyes, “what happened to you? Are you drunk?”
“I-I-I- I’m sorry,” I stammered, not sure what to say. I didn’t want to make her angry or worry her, but at the same time, I was in no state to be able to handle myself. Twilight just shook her head and sighed at me.
“Violet, you really need to figure yourself out. You can’t keep—“ Twilight began.
“No, please. Save me the speech, I know, I fucked up. I really fucked up,” I interjected as my eyes drooped and a look of sadness covered my face. Upon noticing Twilight cringe at my language I hastily added, “Sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you; those kinds of words just come out sometimes.”
Twilight just sighed again and gave me a sympathetic look, “You’re in no state to take care of yourself right now. You shouldn’t be out on your own. I’ll walk you back to my house, it’s much closer than yours is.” After pausing for a second, she added, “it’ll be safer.”
As we walked to her house, I was still quite drunk and my canter had a noticeable sway to it. Every now and then, Twilight would have to briefly flare up her horn and stabilize me; I was a mess. Within a few minutes of walking, we were at her door, and the adept unicorn quickly opened it using her magic. Books and papers of all colors and shapes were strewn everywhere. Though this sight was not all too unfamiliar; for someone who reveled in order and structure, she did have a good tendency to get so caught up in her work that order went to hell.
Without even a word being mentioned, a few glowing pillows levitated down the stairs and landed neatly in a pile. “Make yourself at home, and… try to ignore the piles of books. I got a little caught up in research into microscopic thermal-wave energy propagation. It’s really fascinating stuff!” she said, trying to be a welcoming as possible despite the mess. I trotted over to the pile and clumsily sat myself down.
“Twilight, you were right. I need to face my past,” I blurted out suddenly, “I’ve realized something. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about alicorn, about what I’ve done. Back then it was my life. It was my everything! I loved it, I think more than I loved myself. But, one failure made me doubt myself, and it managed to shake me to the core.” My heart raced as I spoke and I felt myself get a little more flushed. Twilight gave me a strange look, a mixture of curiosity and confusion; she had never heard this part of my story before. No one had.
“You never told me what happened?” she probed, an eyebrow raised. Though I was usually unwilling to tell this story, alcohol changes a pony.
“Well… I decided that I needed a way to seal my cutie mark. What better way to do that to work on a massive project. I called it my magnum opus, for if I succeeded, it would revolutionize the science,” I began my story, “I spent months planning it, designing every last bit of it. When I finally had a sufficient design that I believed would work, I built it. However, something that I never expected happened. The microfilament alicorn matrix network I created—something that my project could not begin to function without— would not fire. I couldn’t figure out what went wrong, I was sure my calculations were correct. I took it as a sign that my project was impossible, and that without it, I believed there was no way I could get a cutie mark in alicorn engineering. I felt hopeless and I gave up on the field.” As I spoke, sadness fell over me. I had desperately wanted to succeed, more than anything. A piece of my soul was snatched away that day, and now even the thought of the field tended to throw me into a deep depression. As I looked at Twilight, she had an even stranger look on her face, like she was half in disbelief and half in deep thought.
“I have this strange feeling that something is missing. Something in your story doesn’t add up. Science just doesn’t fail like that without a cause,” she proclaimed. I had forgotten that she was a mare of science and believed that there was nothing that was impossible. She pulled up a book and flittered through it, “Violet, I think there are more things going on her than meet the eye. I think your cutie mark is in alicorn engineering, look at how you talk about it!” My head drooped as she said that. Looks like I can’t keep running from this forever. “But don’t worry. I’ll help you figure this out. I’ll help you get your cutie mark!” My eyes perked up at her proclamation.
“Wait, you’ll really help me do this?” I said, puzzled.
“Of course, what are friends for?” she replied, smiling warmly. I felt a sense of ease as she said that. Perhaps it will be possible. The thought of not having to go through it alone made it a lot more palatable. “I’ll be right back. I need to quickly find a book I left upstairs.” The mare quickly teleported upstairs, leaving me by myself. Between the sense of calm that I now felt and my increasing sobriety, I found my eyes closing on me. I struggled to stay awake, to at least say goodnight to the mare that seemed to be fixing all of my problems, but before she returned, I was cast to sleep.
