First published
In a world where humans and ponies lived peacefully, and then had a falling out. It's up to one human child to bring peace back between the two races.
artwork by: mlplovermaker2002twilightshy sans lover
Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: HUMANS and PONIES.
One day, war broke out between the two races.
After a long battle, the humans were victorious. They sealed the ponies underground with a magic spell.
Many years later…
Mt. Ebott 201X
Legends say that those who climb the mountain never return.
However one human child climbed the mountain, and fell down a whole that led to the Underground. And so, her quest begins.
The human woke up on a bed of yellow flowers. She then walked deeper into the ruins, until she found a cute sentient yellow flower.
“Howdy,” the flower said. “I'm Flowey, Flowey the flower. Hmmm… you're new to the Underground, aren't cha? Don't worry, I'll show you how things work around here. Ready? Here we go.” It was then when Flowey started teaching the human. “See that heart? That is your soul, the very culmination of your being.” The human then moved it around. “Your soul starts off weak, but it can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV. What's LV stand for? Why, Love, of course! You want some Love, don't you? Don't worry, I'll share some with you!” Flowey then winked at the human, and made white pallets appear. “Down here, Love is shared through… little white ‘friendliness pallets’. Are you ready? Move around, and get as many as you can!”
The human got one, but got damaged from it. “Ouch!” The human shouted, “What was…?”
“You idiot!” Flowey shouted as he made an evil face, “In this world, it's kill or be killed. Why would anyone pass up an opportunity like this!?” The pallets were now surrounding the human. “DIE!” Flowey shouted as the pallets closed in on the human. But, before the pallets could touch the human, they disappeared, and the human was healed up. Flowey became confused, but before he could question it, he was bounced away by a magic beam.
That beam came from a dark blue alicorn with a flowing mane that resembled the night sky, wearing a chest piece with a crescent moon, princess shoes, and her cutie mark was a crescent moon. “What a terrible creature, torturing a poor, innocent youth…” she said. “Ah, do not be afraid, my child. I am Princess Luna, caretaker of the Ruins. I pass through this place every day to see if anyone has fallen down. You are the first human to come here in a long time. Come! I will guide you through the catacombs. This way.” She walked off as the human followed her.
As the human followed Luna, she found a flashing star in the middle of the room. She became filled with determination, and her progress was saved. After passing through the entrance to the ruins, there was a variety of switches in which Princess Luna activated with the exception of two buttons on the floor. “These ruins are filled with puzzles,” she said, “You’ll have to solve them to bypass certain areas. Come now, my child.” she then went through the door that was opened from the switches that she activated
The human followed her. And they entered a hallway.
“You must activate two switches in this room that you need to activate,” Princess Luna said, “Don’t worry, I have labeled the ones you need to activate.”
As they wandered around looking for the switches, the human found one switch with arrows pointing at it. She activated it, and eventually, she found two more switches on the same spot, but only one of them was labeled. She activated that switch, and then, a door opened.
“Great job, my child,” Princess Luna responded, “There are more puzzles up ahead, so be prepared.” Then, they entered the next room. In the room, there was a practice dummy. “There are times when you encounter other ponies. When you do, you will enter a fight. When you enter a fight, strike up a friendly conversation. Try practicing on this dummy.”
The human then, encountered the dummy. “Hello there,” the human said to the dummy. But, the dummy didn't seem much for conversation. The human then, spared the dummy.
“Great job, my child,” Luna congratulated. “Now, be sure to use this tactic when you encounter others. If you stall for time, I'll come to resolve the conflict. Now come, my child.” She left the room, and the human followed her.
There was another hallway, and as the human followed Luna, she encountered a frog-like creature called Frogget. She complimented Frogget, telling him that he was cute.
Frogget didn't understand what the human said, but was flattered anyway. He even blushed brightly. But, then Luna came in, and gave Frogget a dirty look. Frogget then hopped away.
The human then continued following Luna. They stopped at a bridge covered in spikes.
“This is the next puzzle,” Luna told the human. “But… here, hop on my back.” She nealed down so the human can get on her back. The human did so, and Luna walked in a certain trail where the spikes would disappear. The human riding on Luna’s back actually looked very adorable. “These puzzles seem a bit too dangerous. Better let me handle them for a while.” They then entered another hallway. “My child, I'm afraid I have to leave you alone for a while. I'm sorry for this.” Luna then teleported away, and was no where to be seen.
The human became worried, and ran down the long hallway, looking for her. When the human reached the end of the hallway, Luna came out from behind a pillar.
“Don't worry, my child,” Luna said. “I didn't leave you, I was behind this pillar the whole time. I'm sorry for worrying you, but this was to test your independence. Now, for the remaining time, I need you to stay in this room until I come back. I'll give you a cellphone so we can keep in touch. If you need anything, or just want to chat, just give me a call.” She then left the human in the room as she went out to take care of some errands.
But, the human didn't do what Luna said, and moved on through the rest of the ruins. As she entered the room, her cellphone started ringing.
“Hello, Princess Luna here,” Luna said on the phone. “You haven't left the room, have you? Please stay where you are, I’ll be right back.” She hung up.
However, the human continued exploring the ruins. When she got to the next room, she got another phone call from Luna.
“Hello, Luna again,” Luna said. “For no particular reason at all, which do you prefer better, butterscotch or cinnamon?”
“Uh, cinnamon I guess,” the human answered.
“OK, got it,” Luna replied before hanging up.
The human took another step forward, and got another call from Luna.
“Hi, me again,” said Luna. “You don’t dislike butterscotch, do you? I know what your preference is, but would you turn your nose if you saw it on your plate?”
“Well, not really,” the human answered. “Why?”
“Just making sure,” Luna answered. “Bye now.” She then hung up.
The human took more steps forward. Then she got yet another call from Luna.
“Excuse me, it’s me again,” Luna said. “You don’t have any food allergies, do you?”
“No,” the human answered. “Why?”
“Just checking,” she answered. “That’s all for now, see you when I get back!” She then hung up one last time.
The human then continued exploring the ruins. She solved many puzzles, they included floors breaking when she stepped on them, even a talking rock with attitude. Eventually, she ran into a ghost wearing a cowgirl hat who’s pretending to sleep.
“Is she gone?” the ghost whispered to herself in a redneck accent. “Nope, she’s still there.”
That ghost was in the human’s way, so she decided to move her with force. The both of them entered a fight. However, she didn’t fight the ghost, she only had a friendly conversation with her. “Say, I like your hat,” she told the ghost.
“Why, thank you,” the ghost replied. “Ah got it from mah parents before they passed away. But, don’t feel to bad for me, after ah died in the war, ah would be able to see them anytime ah want. And don’t worry, ah’m still able to live with mah family too.”
“You have a family?” the human asked.
“Yep,” the ghost answered. “Mah husband is a dragon named Spike, we adopted two foals named Cinnamon Stick and Cinnamon Roll, and ah gave birth to dragon-pony hybrid, we named him Applespike.”
“Wait, you’re married to a dragon?” the human asked.
“Yeah,” the ghost answered. “Ah developed feelings toward him after he saved me from timber wolves. Ah know he’s a totally different species, but don’t judge me.”
“I won’t,” the human replied.
“Well,” the ghost responded. “You seem cool. Name's Applejack. Nice to make your acquaintance. Well, you probably got somewhere to be, I'll get outta your way.” She then floated away, and the human continued exploring the ruins.
The human eventually reached the end of the ruins, and finds a cute house. Luna can be seen walking out of the house. “Whew, that took longer than expected,” she said as she was about to call the human, but she was right there. “Oh my!” She walked up to the human. “How did you get here, my child? You’re not hurt are you? Don’t worry, I’ll heal you. It was irresponsible of me to surprise you like this.” She then covered her mouth as if she almost said something she wasn’t suppose to yet. “Come, I must show you something.” She then led the human inside the house. The human found another flashing star, and touched it. She was filled with determination. When inside, the human smelled something delicious. “Do you smell that?” Luna asked. “Surprise! It’s a butterscotch-cinnamon pie!”
“Butterscotch-cinnamon pie?” the human asked. “Why would you ask me which I liked better if you were gonna incorporate both? Not that I’m gonna turn it down.”
“I had a feeling that you would’ve changed your mind a lot when waiting for me. Come, I have another surprise for you.” Luna lead the human to a hall on the right. They then stood in front of a bedroom door. “See? It’s a room of your very own. I thought you should have somewhere to stay while you’re down here.” She stroked the human’s hair. “Oh my, is something burning? Make yourself comfortable, my child.” She then left to the kitchen, and the human walked into the bedroom.
The human yawned. “It’s been a long day,” she said, “I think I need some rest.” She then laid in bed, and took a nap.
When the human woke up, she found a slice of pie lying on a plate on the floor. “Oh, this must be the pie that Luna made,” she said. “Well, bottom’s up.” She took a bite out of the pie, and she smiled. “Wow, so delicious!” She finished the pie, and went to see Luna who was reading a book.
“Oh, up already?” Luna said.
“That pie you made was delicious!”
“Aw, thanks! So, I would love to show you my favorite bug hunting spot. I even made a curriculum for your education.”
“Wait, what?”
“This may come to a surprise to you, but I’ve always wanted to be a teacher like my sister, Celestia. Actually, that doesn’t really sound so surprising. Still, I’m so happy that I have someone here with me. I’ve been pretty lonely since I’ve divorced my husband.”
“Really?” Wow, I feel so bad for her now. The human thought.
“Oh, was there something you wanted to say to me?”
The human wanted to know how to exist the ruins, but she didn’t wanted to be rude. “Oh, it’s nothing.”
“Oh, OK. Would you like to hear about this book I’m reading? It’s called ‘75 Uses for Snails’”
“Sure.”
“OK, here’s a snail fact: Did you know that there’s a colt named after these creatures?”
“That’s pretty interesting.”
Luna started to sense some suspicion from the human. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” She got up from her chair, and went to the basement. The human followed her downstairs. “So, you wish to know how to leave the ruins, do you not?”
“Well, I didn’t want to be rude earlier.”
“Down here lays a door that’s an exist to the ruins. I’m gonna destroy it.”
“WHAT?!”
“That way, no one can get in or out.” Luna walked further in into the basement, the human kept followed her. Luna now had a more serious expression. “All who fall down here meet the same fate. They come, they leave, they die. If you continue onward, they, Sombra, will kill you. I’m only trying to protect you. Go to your room.” Luna walked even further into the basement, and the human continued following her. “Don’t try to stop me, this is your last chance.” She then made it to the door, however, the human didn’t listen to her. “You want to leave so badly, do you? You’re just like the others. Then prove yourself. Prove to me that you’re strong enough to survive out there!” The both of them then engaged in battle.
“Wait, what? I don’t want to fight you! You’ve been too nice to me!” Luna didn’t say a word, and made her first attack. The human kept sparing her, showing her that she doesn’t want to fight.
Eventually, Luna didn’t bother trying to hit the human. “What are you doing?” The human spared her again. “Stop it!” And again, “Fight me, or give up!” and again, and again. Then, Luna stopped attacking her. The human spared her again. “I know we don’t have much…” And again, “but you can have a nice life here,” and again, “We can be happy here,” and again. Luna said nothing, then the human spared her one last time. “No, you’re right. I can’t keep you trapped in here forever. You don’t really belong down here, I understand. My expectations, my loneliness, my fear… For you, my child, I’ll put them all aside. If you truly want to leave the ruins, I won’t stop you. Do me a favor when you do. Don’t come back. I hope you understand.” She then gave the human a hug, and left her.
“Goodbye, Luna.”
“Goodbye, my child.”
The human then continued onward. She walked down a long hallway, and when she got to the end, she found Flowey. “Ugh, not you again!”
“Clever, very clever,” Flowey said. “In this world, it’s kill, or be killed, but you played by your own rules. You spared every single creature in the ruins, you must feel so good for yourself. But, what if you ran into a relentless killer? You’ll die, and you’ll die, die, die, until you get tired of trying. What will you do then?” He then made his creepy face. “Will you kill out of frustration?” He then switched back to his normal face. “I’ll let you decide.” He then made a maniacal laugh before disappearing.
“Screw you,” the human said before leaving.
As the human existed the ruins, she ended up in a snowy path. “Brrr, it’s cold,” she said, “Good thing I’m wearing a sweater.” She then noticed something shiny in a bush. It happened to be a camera. “What’s a camera doing here?” She then walked down the snowy trail. She walked past a twig on the ground, she then heard the twig snap behind her. She turned around, and saw that the twig was broken. “Uh, is someone there?” The human was then scared, but she continued down the trail. A wooden bridge was up ahead, when the human got to the bridge, she heard someone following her. It was a silhouette of an earth pony mare.
“Human,” the mare said.
“Y-yes?”
“Don’t you know how to greet a new pal?” The human started to sweat from nervousness. “Turn around, and shake my hoof.” As the human turned around, the mare took out her right hoof, and right when the human grabbed her hoof, a fart sound is heard, and the mare revealed herself as a mare with pink fur, a purple mixed curly mane, a propeller hat, spiral eyes, and a pink hoodie, and her cutie mark was a screw and a baseball. “Heh heh, the old whoopee cushion in the hoof trick. It’s always funny. Anyway, you’re a human, right? That’s hilarious! I’m Screwball, the princess of chaos. My father is the spirit of chaos. Now, I’m supposed to be on a look out for humans right now, but y’know, I don’t really care about capturing anyone. Now, my younger brother, Zany, he’s a human hunting fanatic. Speaking of which, I think that’s him right now. Go through this little gate thingy. Go on, my brother made the bars to wide to keep out anyone.” The human and Screwball walked across the bridge, and they entered Screwball’s sentry post. “Quick, behind that conveniently shaped lamp!” There was a lamp that conveniently looks like herself, she hid behind it. It was then Screwball’s brother, Zany, appeared. He too was an earth pony, he had brown fur, and a pink mane. He was also wearing a red scarf and boots. “What’s up, bro?”
“You know what’s up, sister!” Zany replied, “It’s been eight days, and you still haven’t recalibrated your puzzles! What are you even doing?”
“Just looking at this lamp, it’s really cool. Wanna look?”
“No, I have no time for that! What if a human comes by here? I wanna be able to be the first one to capture it! I have to be the one, I must be the one! Then soon, I, the great Zany, will get what I utterly deserve! Respect, recognition… I’ll be able to join the Royal Guard! I’ll bathe in a shower of kisses every morning! Everyone will ask me to be their friend!”
“Hm, maybe this lamp can help you.”
“Screwball! You’re not helping, you lazy-ass!”
“Hey, that’s no way to talk to your older sister.” Screwball smirked.
Zany sighed. “Why does someone as great as me have to do so much to get some recognition?” Screwball then lit a cigarette, and smoked it. “Screwball, are you smoking?!”
“C’mon, we’re chaotic entities, we can’t get lung cancer.”
“I know that, I just don’t like the smell!”
Screwball chuckled. “Sorry.” She smokes the cigarette again.
Disgusted by his sister’s smoking addiction, Zany decided to leave. “I have to attend to my puzzles. As for your puzzles, put some improvement on them!” Zany then walked away to check on his puzzles.
“OK, he’s gone. You can come out, now.” The human came out hiding.
The human let out a small chuckle. “He seems nice,” she said.
“He might come back soon. You might want get going before he does.” As the human was about to continue her quest, Screwball stopped her. “Actually, on second thought, my brother’s been kinda down lately. He’s never seen a human before in his life, and seeing you might make his day. So, can you do this little favor for me? Don’t worry, he’s not dangerous, even if he tries to be.”
The human thought about, and made her decision. “OK, why not?”
“Great!” Screwball then teleported away, and the human continued on.
Eventually, the human ran into them again, and they were having a conversation. “So, as I was saying about Aunt Rainbow Dash…” Zany said before noticing something, and when he did, he and Screwball looked back and forth of each other. “Oh my Celestia! Is that a human?” Zany was actually looking at what’s behind of the human.
“Um, I think that’s a rock,” Screwball answered.
“Oh.”
“Hey, what’s that in front of the rock?”
Zany then looked at the human. “Oh my Celestia! Is that a human?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“YES! I did it, I finally did it! Everyone would… Rainbow Dash will be… I’ll be so popular, popular, popular!” Zany started to shed tears of joy. “I’ll be able to join the Royal Guard, and then… then… Well, I’m not sure what’s next.” He then cleared his throat, and starts monologuing. “Human, you will not pass this area! I set traps and puzzles for you, so continue only if you dare!” With a maniacal laugh, he teleported away.
“Did you see how happy he looks? Thanks for doing me this favor.”
“I’m happy to help,” the human replied. As she continued on the snowy trail, she was stopped by a pegasus mare behind a sentry station.
“Huh, who goes there?” she asked as she emerged from her sentry station. Her eyes were pale as if she was blind, her fur was as white as snow as well as her mane, and her cutie mark was a snow flake. Her name tag said Snowdrop. “I can only see moving things, if there’s someone there, please move. I could have sworn I saw somepony move.”
“Relax, I come in peace.”
“So there is someone here. State your business.”
“I’m just trying to get back home.”
“Very well, proceed.”
“Thank you, Snowdrop.” The human then continued on.
On her way, she found a hedgehog wearing Royal Guard armor. His name is Lesser Hedgehog. “Aw, how cute!” She then pet the hedgehog, and it’s neck got slightly longer. The more she pet the hedgehog, the longer his neck got. She then spared the Lesser Hedgehog, and continued on.
Eventually, she ran into Screwball and Zany again. “I can’t believe how lazy you are!” Zany complained. “You were napping all night!”
“Uh, I think that’s called sleeping,” Screwball replied.
“Excuses, excuses!” Zany then noticed the human. “Oh, the human arrives! Human, welcome to the first puzzle, I’m sure you’ll find it… quite shocking… because this is an invisible electricity maze!” He then took out an orb. “Make one false move, and this orb will create energy that will give you a shock! Now proceed.” The human took one step into the maze, but Zany was the one who got electrocuted. “Screwball, what happened?!”
“Uh, I think she’s supposed to hold the orb.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Hold on, human!” Zany then went through the maze, leaving hoof prints. “Hold this.” He then gave the human the orb, and went back to his previous position. The human then followed the hoof prints that Zany left behind. “Oh, you slippery little snail. The next puzzle won’t be as easy because it was made by my sister, Screwball! Just you wait.” Zany then teleported to the next puzzle.
“See that outfit he’s wearing? He made that for a convention, he called it his battle body. He’s never taken it off since. Man, isn’t my brother cool?”
“His outfit definitely suits him,” the human answered before moving on.
On her quest, the human met so many civilians, and socialized with them. She then showed up to the next puzzle. “Human, I hope you’re ready for…” Zany started before looking confused. “Screwball, where’s the puzzle?!”
“Right there, on the ground,” Screwball answered. “There’s no way she’ll skip this one.”
The human then walked up to the puzzle, it was a crossword puzzle. The human didn’t have a pencil, so she walked up to Screwball and Zany to see if any of them had one. But before she did, Zany let out a complaint. “Screwball, that didn’t do anything!”
“Oops, I knew I should’ve used today’s crossword.”
“Crossword? I can’t believe you just said that! Crossword is too easy! If anything, junior jumble is easily the hardest!”
“You mean that easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy word scramble? C’mon, that’s for really small foals.”
“Unbelievable! I know who will end this debate! Human! Which do you think is harder, crossword or jumble?”
The human thought about it; she thought crossword is harder, but she didn’t want to upset Zany. “Jumble, I guess?” she answered.
“Ah ha! I knew it! Well, now that’s settled, on to the next puzzle!” Zany then teleported to the next puzzle.
“Hey kid,” Screwball started, “it was nice of you to tell my brother that jumble was harder just to make him happy.”
“Well, making someone happy makes me feel good, I guess.” the human said. She then continued on the trail. She eventually found a cone of cotton candy, and a cup of chocolate milk on a table with a note taped to it. The note was from Zany, and it read:
“Dear human, I’ve made some cotton candy and chocolate milk for you, I hope you enjoy. But little do you know, it is a tap! You’ll be enjoying it so much, that you won’t be able to notice that you’re not progressing! Mwu ha ha ha ha!
-Zany”
“Aw, how nice of him!” the human said. She was able to eat the cotton candy, but the chocolate milk was already frozen solid. So, she continued on. Eventually, she found a puzzle, there were tiles in the shape of an X. There was a sign that explains how the puzzle works. It read, “Turn every tile into an O, then press the button,” So, she stepped on the tiles, turning them into O’s, then pressed the button. After that, the spikes that were blocking the way vanished. She then ran into Zany again.
“Human!” Zany said out of shock, “How did you get here so quickly? Also, did you save any for me?”
“Oh hi, Zany! I ate that cotton candy, but I left the chocolate milk behind.”
“You left the chocolate milk… so you could share it with me later? And you seem to like my cotton candy. Don’t worry human, I’ll make you all the cotton candy and chocolate milk you want when I capture you! See you at the next puzzle!” With a smile on his face, Zany teleported to the next puzzle and waited for the human.
“What nice stallion,” the human said. She then started to feel something every time she thought about Zany. “Funny, what’s this feeling I have? Eh, it’ll pass.” She then continued on the path.
When the human got to the next puzzle, she ran into Zany again. Her heart started beating when she saw him. Huh? It’s that feeling again, she thought, What the hell is going on?
“Oh, hello human,” said Zany, “This puzzle is just like the last one except it’s a bit more advanced. I tried to make the pattern look like my face, but the snow froze to the ground before I could rearrange it. Now the puzzle is entirely different. Seems tricky, doesn’t it?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t ask for help.”
“Good. Good luck, Human!”
The human tried out the puzzle, she made a few mess ups, but she didn’t give up. She accidently stepped on a tile that was already a red circle, and it became a green triangle which reminded the human of buttons on a PlayStation controller. After a few tries, she finally completed the puzzle. “I did it, Zany!”
“Wow, and you did it without my help! Impressive! See you at the puzzle!” So, Zany teleported to the next puzzle, and the human continued on still having thinking about Zany.
The human finally realized what those feelings are. “Wait, did I… fall in love with him?” She then started to blush. “I did, I’m in love with Zany! Boy, talk about beastiality.”
The Human eventually arrived at the next puzzle. “Hey! It’s the human!” Zany said, “You’re gonna love this puzzle! It was made by the great Dr. Yoshi! You see these tiles? Once I throw the switch, they will begin to change color! Each color has a different function! Red tiles are impassable, you cannot walk on them! The yellow tiles are electric, they will electrocute you! Green tiles are alarm tiles, if you step on them, you’ll have to fight an enemy! Orange tiles are orange-scented…”
Ah, those were the days, Screwball thought to herself.
“...they will make you smell delicious! Blue tiles are water tiles, swim through if you like, but if you smell like oranges, the piranhas will bite you. Also, if a blue tile is next to a yellow tile, the water will also zap you! Purple tiles are slippery, you will slide to the next tile! However, the slippery soap smells like lemons which piranhas don’t like! Purple and blue are OK! Finally, pink tiles. They don’t do anything, step on them all you like. How’s that? You think you can remember all of that?”
“Yeah, I think I can remember all of that,” the human answered.
“Great! Also, one little reminder: It is completely random! Good luck!” Zany then flipped the switch, and the tiles started flashing random colors. The human looked away to avoid the risk of getting a seizure. As the tiles stopped randomizing, there was one pink trail in between two red rows. Zany then teleported to his next and final puzzle.
The human then walked on the pink trail. “Well, that was easy.” She then walked up to Screwball. “Hey there, Screwball. How are things going?”
“It’s doing fine,” Screwball answered. “Y’know, Zany and I got our love of cotton candy and chocolate milk from our father, Discord. When my dad was little, his parents used to feed him that stuff whenever he was feeling down. Too bad we never got to them, my dad was the last of his species. He’s a draconequus, a creature with a head of a pony, and body parts of all other species. He actually used to be evil until he fell in love with Mom.”
“Aw, that sounds sweet! Well, see you ahead.” The human then continued on. She eventually found a bunch of snowpoffs on the ground. She looked at each one, and found some bits inside one of them. She then looked at one last snowpoff, and a cute hedgehog popped it’s head and tail out of it. “Aw, how cute!” Then the hedgehog emerged from the snowpoff, and was seen wearing big, bulky armor. “OK, less cute.” The human needed to get by, but Greater Hedgehog blocked the way. She thought that he’ll let her through if she played with him. So, she took out the stick she was holding this whole time, and threw it. Greater Hedgehog caught it in his mouth, and brought it back. “Good boy, now catch the snowball!” She threw it, and Greater Hedgehog caught it, and returned it. “That’s a good boy!” She then pet Greater Hedgehog who grown a liking for her. Greater Hedgehog then jumped out of it’s armor, and looked cute again. He then licked the human’s face. He then jumped back into his armor, and walked away. The human was able to get by.
The human was then walking on a wooden bridge. She saw Screwball and Zany on the other side. “Human! This is your final and most dangerous challenge!” said Zany, “Behold! The Gauntlet of Deadly Terror!” A spike ball was hanging, there was a torch under the bridge, two spears were pointed at the human, a canon was aimed towards the human from under the bridge, and worse of all, a hedgehog was tied around it’s body, hanging for it’s life. “When I say the word, it will fully activate! Cannons will fire, spikes will swing, blades will slice! Each part will swing violently up and down! Only the tiniest chance of victory will remain! Are you ready? Because I’m about to do it!”
Nothing happened yet. “Well, what’s the hold up?” Screwball asked.
“Hold up? What hold up? I’m about to activate it right now!”
Still, nothing happened. “Uh, it doesn’t really look activated.”
“Well, it’s just that this challenge seems a bit too easy to catch a human with. My standards are higher than this. My puzzles are supposed to be fair! And my traps are extremely cooked! But this method is too direct! No class at all! Away it goes!” Everything went away. “Phew!” He then noticed the human looking at him. “What are you looking at?! This was a decisive victory for Zany!” With a maniacal laugh, he teleported away.
The human continued crossing the bridge, and talked to Screwball. “My brother said that it’s his dream to join the Royal Guard,” Screwball said, “but I know the real reason. He just wants to impress Princess Twinkle Sparkle, Princess Twilight Sparkle’s daughter, because he loves her! He keeps denying that fact because they hated each other as foals, but I’m pretty sure they’ll get along just fine.” She then winks at the human twice. “Speaking of which, looks like you’re about to fight my brother soon. Go easy on him, OK?”
“OK,” the human replied before continuing.
After solving Zany’s puzzles, the human ended up in a town called Snowdin. She found a variety of businesses. She took a stop at a shop that’s being run by a ginger earth pony mare with a cutie mark of an apple being painted green. “Howdy!” she said, “What can I do for yah?”
The human’s stomach started to growl. “Have any food items?” she said.
“I reckon you’re not from around here. If you’ve lived here long enough, you would know that I do. I have apple cider, apple pie, apple fritters, candy apples, you name it.”
“Sounds delicious.”
“Oh, how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself since you’re new around here. Name’s Apple Bloom.”
“Nice to meet you, Apple Bloom. So, you sell apple treats?”
“Sure do, mah family used to work at an apple farm called Sweet Apple Acres. That’s until of course the humans sealed us here in the Underground.”
“That must’ve been hard for you, huh? Being sealed down here I mean.”
“Yeah, but I’ve been getting used to it?”
The human then thought of something. “Wait a minute. Do you happen to be relayed to someone named Applejack?”
The name Applejack caught Apple Bloom’s attention. “Wait, you know my sister?”
“Oh, so she’s your sister? Why yes, I met her ghost in the Ruins.”
“You came from the Ruins?” Apple Bloom then got close to the human’s face, and whispered to her. “Does that mean you’re a human?”
“You didn’t notice? It’s not a problem, is it?”
Apple Bloom then thought about it. “Well, what your kind did to us was really bad, but perhaps not all humans are bad. Like Granny Smith always told me, you shouldn’t judge someone before you get to know them.”
“Don’t worry, I come in peace.”
“Good. And don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”
“So, any of your family members work around here?”
“Well, my niece, Apple Blossom, works in the inn next door with her husband, Thunder Dash. If you ever need to rest up, just go there.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, no pun intended.”
Apple Bloom chuckled at the human’s joke. “So, ya gonna buy something?”
“Of course, it’d be rude to walk in here and not buy anything. It’s a good thing I got some money from ponies who were generous enough to give some to me after sparing them.”
The human then walked out of the shop with an apple fritter and a cup of cider with no alcohol of course. “Boy, this stuff is tasty!” she said. After she finished up her fritter and cider, she walked into the inn that Apple Bloom told her about. “Well, I am pretty exhausted from Zany’s puzzles, maybe I should check in.” She then walked into the inn, and met Apple Blossom, the owner of the inn. She was a yellow-green earth pony with a blonde mane and freckles, and her cutie mark was a bunch of flowers.
“Howdy, I’m Apple Blossom,” Apple Blossom said. “Welcome to The Apple Inn. Would you like a standard room, or first class?”
“Standard will be fine.” The human yawned.
“Alrighty then!” Apple Blossom then gave the human the key to the room that she will be assigned to. “Here’s your key. If you would like to order room service, my husband, Thunder Dash, will be glad to provide it.”
“No thanks, I’m good.” The human then took her key, went to her room, and rested on the nice, comfy bed.
After her nap, the human left her room, and checked out. “Did you sleep well?” Apple Blossom asked. “Come back anytime if you need to rest up.”
“OK,” replied the human as she left. She then explored Snowdin a bit more. She found a castle that happened to have a library. “I am a bit curious about these ponies.”
The human then met the Princess of Friendship herself, Twilight Sparkle. “Hello there,” Twilight greeted. “Are you here to check out the library?”
“Yes, if you don’t mind of course.”
“Go ahead!” The Princess then guided the human to the library.
The human read a few books so she could know about these ponies. She even read about a once evil tyrant, King Sombra. He was a unicorn who ruled all of the Crystal Empire, and turned all the Crystal Ponies into slaves. But then, Princess Celestia and her sister Princess Luna put an end to his conquest by sealing him with the Empire under a ground of ice. A thousand years later, The Crystal Empire returned, and Sombra with it. However, Sombra was defeated when a baby dragon named Spike returned the Crystal Heart to it’s rightful spot. Many years later, Sombra wanted revenge, so he came up with a plan to fool everyone that he changed his ways. But, when he fell in love with Princess Luna, King Sombra went under redemption for real, and they eventually got married. And they lived happily ever after. “Aw, what a sweet story!” said the human. She even read about their biology. It said that when a pony dies, his/her body turns into dust. “Well, I definitely don’t wanna see that.”
After reading, the human left the library, and moved on. She eventually walked up to a house. There were two mailboxes, one had Zany’s name on it, and the other had Screwball’s name on it, and it was overflowing. “This must be Screwball and Zany’s house,” she said. “Looks nice, I wonder if they’re home.” She then knocked on the door, and Screwball answered.
“Oh, it’s the human,” Screwball said. “How are you enjoying Snowdin?”
“It’s a really nice place. Is Zany home?”
“Actually, he’s waiting for you up ahead.”
The human then got excited. “He’s waiting for me?” She then calmed down. “How nice of him.”
Screwball then made a silly expression on her face. “Oh, you love him!”
The human blushed. “Uh um, is it that noticeable?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Maybe you can convince him not to capture you.”
“Well, I’ll try.”
“Good luck, kid!” With a wink of an eye, Screwball closed the door, and went on with her business.
The human then continued on the trail. She eventually ran into a snowy mist, and within the mist, she found the silhouette of Zany. “Human,” Zany said. “Allow me to tell you about some complex feelings. Feelings like… the joy of finding another cotton candy and chocolate milk lover. The admiration of another’s puzzle-solving skills. The desire to have a cool, smart pony think you are cool. Those feelings… They must be what you are feeling right now.”
Well, I definitely have feelings right now, the human thought to herself.
“I can hardly imagine what it must be like to feel that way. After all, I am very great. I don’t ever wonder what having lots of friends is like. I pity you lonely human. Worry not! You shall be lonely no longer! I, the great Zany, will be your…” Zany hesitated for a few seconds. “No, this is all wrong! I can’t be your friend! You are a human!”
Gee, racist much, the human thought.
“I must capture you! Then, I can fulfill my lifelong dream! Powerful! Popular! Prestigious! That’s Zany! The newest member of the Royal Guard!” Zany got to fight.
The human didn’t want to fight Zany, so instead, she flirted with him. “Hey Zany, did I ever tell you how handsome you are? I bet you attract all the ladies!”
“What’s this? Flirting? So, you finally reveal your true feelings for me! Unfortunately, I have really high standards.”
“I can make cotton candy!”
Zany got a shocked expression on his face. “Oh no! You’re meeting with all of my standards! This means… I have to go on a date with you!”
“Really?!” the human said with heart eyes.
“We’ll date later, after a capture you.” Zany then threw some attacks that were very easy to dodge. The human mercied him. “So, you refuse to fight me, eh? Well then, then fall victim to my blue attack!” A bunch of blue pillars came right at the human, but they didn’t hurt her because she was standing still. Then all of a sudden, she turned blue, fell to the ground, and got hit by a small pillar. “See? You are blue now! That’s my attack! So, if you want to dodge my attacks, you’ll have to jump over them!”
“Wow, things just got intense. You’re not gonna kill me, are you?”
“What? No! It’s my job to capture you, not kill you! And besides, how would we date if you’re dead?” Zany attacked the human again, but she was jumping over them.
“Do you even know what’s gonna happen to me after you capture me?”
“I don’t really know to be honest. Rainbow Dash never told me. You’ll most likely get thrown in the dungeon or something. But don’t worry, we’ll have that date before I turn you in.” Zany then threw more attacks at the human, and the human dodged them as best as she can.
“I don’t want to fight you, Zany!”
“If you don’t give up, then I’ll be forced to use my special attack!” Zany then threw yet another attack in which the human dodged.
“I would love to see it.”
“Fine, survive this attack, and I’ll show you.” But before Zany threw his next attack, he whispered to himself. “I wonder what I should wear.”
“What was that?”
“Huh? I-I wasn’t thinking about that date or anything!” Zany blushed as he threw his next attack.
The human dodged those attacks. “OK, I survived that attack, now show me your special attack.”
“Alright human! Here comes my special attack!” Zany’s special attack was a cotton candy cloud with chocolate milk rain which was being eaten by a hedgehog. “My special attack! That hedgehog is eating it!” The hedgehog then ran away with the cotton candy cloud. “Hey, come back with my special attack, you maging rodent! Celestia damn it! Oh well, I’ll just use a really cool regular attack.”
“Aw, isn’t that hedgehog just the cutest?!”
“Whatever. Now, here’s a completely normal attack.” Zany then threw out a variety of attacks at the human. A lot of them were very chaotic which would make sense since he’s the the son of the Spirit of Chaos. There were even more pillars, and one big pillar that the human never thought she’d be able to jump over. Then, one small, and last pillar came which was easily avoidable. Zany then took a moment to catch his breath. “Gee, you’re pretty tough. I don’t think I’ll be able to capture you. What a shame. I’ll spare you, human!” The human spared Zany, too. Zany then sighed in disappointment. “I can’t believe it! I can’t even catch a human like you! I’ll never be able to join the Royal Guard, and no one will ask me to be my friend.” Zany stared at the ground with a frown.
“We can be friends if you like.”
“Really? You want to be friends with a loser like me?”
“You’re not a loser. So, how about it?”
“Wow, I just made a new friend! Who ever thought it would take forcing someone to do awful puzzles, and then fight them! Now, you’re trying to get home to the surface, are you?”
“Yep, you know the way?”
“Sure do! All you have to do is go through Waterfall, go to the Hotland core, and you’ll find yourself at King Sombra’s throne room. Now King Sombra is… well… a bit of a fuzzy push over. He wasn’t always like that though, just like my dad, he used to be evil. And like my dad, he changed his ways after he fell in love. Everypony loves that guy now! I’m pretty sure if you walked into his throne room, and ask ‘Excuse me, Sombra, may I please go home?’, he’ll point you the way.”
“Are you sure?”
“100%! Now if you excuse me, I’ll be at me and my sister’s place. Feel free to come by to have that date!” Zany then teleported back to his house where he waited for the human.
The human decided to drop by Screwball and Zany’s house to have that date with Zany. “Hello Zany,” she said while blushing.
“Ah, you’ve decided to go on that date with me,” Zany replied. “Well, I know the perfect place to have our date! Follow me!” He then lead the human down in Snowdin, and back right around. “My house!” he said as he walked in.
The human giggled, and went inside. “What a nice place you have!”
“Thank you. Feel free to look around, and then we’ll have that date.”
“OK.” The human decided to look around. She found a series of notes by a sock on the floor. Here’s what they read:
“Screwball, pick up your filthy sock off the floor!”
“OK.”
“Don’t put it back down, move it!”
“OK.”
“You moved it two inches! Move it to your room!”
“OK.”
“And don’t bring it back!”
“OK.”
“It’s still here!”
“Didn’t you just tell me not to bring it back to my room?”
“Forget it!”
The human laughed as she read those notes. She then walked into the kitchen, and noticed that the covered below the sink was huge. “Why such a huge covered?”
“I enlarged it so I can fit a lot more stuff in there. Take a look.” The human opened up the covered, and found that same hedgehog from earlier. He was eating Zany’s stuff. “Hey! What the hell are you doing?!” The hedgehog ran off. “Catch that stupid rodent!” But the hedgehog was already gone. “Damn it!” Screwball then popped out of her room, and played the Wah Wah Wah Wah tone. “Screwball! Stop plaguing my life with incificiall music!”
“Sorry!” Screwball said as she went back to her room.
The human giggled again, and then walked to the fridge. “Ah, interested in my food museum?” said Zany, “Feel free to look at my culinary art.” The human opened the fridge, and found many gallons of chocolate milk.
“Boy, you really love chocolate milk, don’t you?” said the human.
“Sure do! It came from my father!”
“You don’t drink it too often, do you? You could get constipated from having too much dairy.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I don’t get…” Zany’s stomach then made noises. “Excuse me for a moment.” He then teleported to the bathroom. When he was done, he teleported back in front of the human.
“You don’t get constipated, huh?” the human said with a smirk on her face.
Zany blushed. “Moving on, please.”
The human then looked at the oven. “That’s an interesting oven you got there.”
“Oh yeah, speaking of that, Screwball doesn’t usually cook, but she tried making something once. I think it was some sort of quiche. She used some kind of non-egg and surgery substance.”
“Cool.” The human walked out of the kitchen, and noticed a rock on a coffee table. “What’s with the rock?”
“Oh yes, a mare named Maud hired my sister to babysit her pet rock, Boulder. Screwball always forget to feed him, so I had to take responsibility.”
The human giggled. “It’s covered in sprinkles, how cute!”
“Yes, Boulder is indeed cute.” The human looked around the house a bit more. She then noticed the bathroom. “That’s our bathroom. You can use it whenever you need to go. Though, you probably wouldn’t want to go in there for a while.” Zany said as he blushed.
The human walked up stairs. “Is this your room?”
“It sure is! If you’re done looking around, we can go inside, and do whatever ponies do when they date.” Zany winked.
“OK.” They walked inside Zany’s room. “Nice room.”
“Thanks, you can look around, and then we can start that date.”
The human decided to look around his room. She then noticed Zany’s bed. “Is your bed shaped like a car?”
“Yes, I’ve always dreamed of driving it on the roads of the surface if we ever get free. But it’s just a dream, so I just snooze while I cruse.”
“How is it gonna drive if it’s fake?”
“Hello? Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? I’m Zany, the Prince of Chaos!”
“Oh, that’s right.” She then noticed a table of Bionicles. She then gasped, and said, “Are these Bionicles?! I’ve haven’t seen these in years!”
“Oh yes, Bionicle, one of Lego’s most popular franchises. They were eventually replace with Lego Hero Factory! But they did come back.”
“How do you have so many?”
“Well, let’s just say that I got them from a jolly, red, fat pony who breaks into ponies’ houses, and leave gifts. What was his name again? Oh that’s right! Santa Hooves!”
“Oh, so they were Christmas gifts?”
“Yep!” The human looked around some more, and looked at Zany’s closet. “There are no skeletons in my closet, except for Halloween decorations of course. But I only put up skeleton props in my closet on Halloween.”
The human opened the closet, and found tons of shirts hanging up. “Why do you have so many shirts? Ponies don’t even need to wear clothes, right?”
“It’s just merchandise. I just happen to be in various fandoms.”
“Oh, cool!” The human then noticed a computer.
“Oh yes, the internet. I’m quite popular there. I’m just two followers away from a double-digit follower milestone! However, my internet persona has been breached by some jealous troll who keeps sending me funny messages in a goofy font!”
“Wow, that doesn’t sound very good.”
“It’s not. Now, if you’re done looking around, wanna start that date?”
“Yes, let’s do it!”
“Sweet! Dating start!” They then began the date. “Oh boy, we’re gonna have so much fun together! You see, I’ve never dated anyone before,” he then took out a book, “luckily, Princess Twilight let me borrow this book about dating from her Castle Library. Seriously, she has book for everything, even slumber parties!” He then opened the book. “Let’s see. Step one: Ask the pony out on a date. Well, we’ve already started, so let’s move on. Step two: Display dating hud.” He used magic to display a hud. “Wow, I feel so informed! Step three: Put on nice clothes to show that you care.” He paused for a few seconds. “Wait a minute. I’m wearing clothing right now!” He was referring to his scarf and boots. “And you’re wearing clothing, too! Not only that, you were wearing that bandana earlier. Did you plan this date from the start?”
The human blushed, and then confessed. “Y-yes, I did!”
Zany was shocked. “Y-you planned it all from the start. Your dating power is increasing!” The human’s dating power meter went up. “Very clever, human! But I have never been beaten at dating before! In fact, I can always use my magic to put on my special clothes!” He used his magic to change into a different outfit. He wore a T-shirt that said Cool Dude, shoulder guards that looked like basketballs, and a cap hat. “What do you think, human?”
“Looks great on you!”
Zany was shocked once again. “Oh no! A genuine compliment!” The human’s dating power increased even more. “However, you do not know the secret to this outfit. So what you just said was invalid!” The human’s dating power decreased a bit. “This date won’t escalate any further until you find my secret. It is within this outfit!”
“Sounds fun.” It was proving to get difficult. The human touched Zany’s hoof.
“Oh, holding my hoof so I can tell you my secret? Well it ain’t gonna work!” The human then poked at Zany’s cutie mark on his flank. “Oh, you naughty human! Unfortunately, this isn’t a clopfic, so don’t even bother.”
“What about your hat?”
“My hat? My hat. Oh yes, take a look!” The human took off Zany’s hat, and there was a box wrapped up in gift wrapping.
“A present, for me? Oh, you shouldn’t have!” The human then opened the present.
“You know what this is?”
“It’s a cone of cotton candy.”
“Yes, you are correct! But, you are also wrong! This isn’t just any sweet pink fluff, this is professional cotton candy! The kind you buy at an amusement park and circus! This is a Candy Pony’s work! Taste it if you dare!”
“OK.” The human took a bite out of the cotton candy, she smiled with delight. “OMG! This is the best cotton cotton candy I’ve ever tasted!”
Zany was shocked yet again. “Oh no! Those expressions of joy! There so… so… Oh no, you’re dating power is off the charts!” The human’s dating power went outside the meter, and everything went white. “Human, there’s no doubt about it. You’re madly in love with me. Now, it is time for I, Zany, to tell you my true feelings. I, Zany…” Everything went back to normal, but then, Zany hesitated. “I… um… Boy, is it hot in here, or is it just me?” He was silent for a second or so. He then let out a sigh. “Human, I’m afraid I must tell you something. I don’t like you the way you like me. Romantically, I mean.”
“W-what?” the human looked down.
“I tried really hard to though. I thought since you flirted with me, I had to go on a date with you, and I thought I could match my feelings with yours. But alas, I, the great Zany, have failed. I’ve only driven you deeper into your intense love for me. How could I have done this to my own friend?”
“Zany, I…”
“No, I never fail at anything! This is all just a stepback. But don’t worry, human, I, the great Zany, will continue to be your cool friend! And who knows? Maybe you’ll find someone else as great as me! Well, that’s actually not true, but I’ll settle you for second best!”
“OK, I’ll be cool with being just friends.”
“Great! Now, you probably need to get back home to surface. Now that our date is over, you can continue your journey! See you later!”
“Thanks for having me over, Zany. I had fun!” With a smile on her face, she walked off.
“Wait, hold on!” Zany gave the human a small sheet of paper with writing on it. “Here’s my number, so we call each other anytime we want. Platonically of course.”
“Thanks, I’ll call you when I need you.”
“Sweet! Good bye now!”
The human began to move on with her quest. She enters the entryway towards a wet, dank place called Waterfall. She then noticed another sentry post with Screwball managing it. “Screwball,” she said, “when did you get here?”
“Right before you and my brother started that date,” Screwball answered. “Speaking of which, wanna talk about it at Sugarcube Corner? It just happens to be my break. My treat.”
“Sure, why not?”
“Great, I know a great shortcut. Grab my hoof. Don’t worry, there’s no whoopee cushion in it this time.”
“OK,” The human grabbed Screwball’s hoof, and then Screwball used her teleportation powers to teleport to Sugarcube Corner back at Snowdin.
“Pretty neat shortcut, huh?”
“I feel dizzy.”
“Yeah, that can happen to a non magical being. But it’ll go away.”
The both of them sat at the bar table. When the human sat down, a fart sound is heard. “What the hell?”
“Oh yeah, be careful, some weirdos will put whoopee cushions on the seats.”
A mare employee with an orange mane, and a pumpkin for a cutie mark appeared. “Oh, hello Screwball,” she said.
“Hi Pumpkin, how’s your brother Pound doing?”
“He’s just as lazy as ever. But, I always push him to work hard. So, what can I get you?”
“I’ll have the usual.” Screwball then turned to the human, and said, “What would you like kid?”
“Just a cupcake will do,” the human said.
“Oh Screwball, is this a new friend of yours?” Pumpkin asked.
“Sure is,” Screwball answered.
“Well, ain’t she just a cutie. Alright, I’ll be back with your order.” Pumpkin then left to the kitchen to fill out their order.
“So, my brother… he’s pretty cool, isn’t he?”
“He sure is,” the human replied.
“Of course he is, you’d be cool too if you wore that outfit all the time. At least he washes it. And by that, I mean he wears it in the shower.”
“You don’t say.”
“Also, you two had a bit of beastiality back there.”
“W-well, um…” the human blushed.
“Don’t worry, I won’t judge. In fact, it sort of runs in the family.”
“Really?”
“Yep, my dad, as I already told you, is a draconequus, and my mom is a pegasus. As for me, I married a changeling.”
“A changeling? You mean those creatures that take people away, take on the form of that person, and steal someone’s love for that person?”
“They aren’t like that anymore, ever since they got their new queen.”
Pumpkin came back with their orders. “OK,” she said, “a banana split for Screwball, and a cupcake for the kid.” She then gave the human a pat on the head, and went back into the kitchen.
“Here’s the grub.” Screwball then took a spoon full of the ice cream, and ate it. She then remembered something. “Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something.”
“What is it?” the human asked.
Screwball then froze time around them. “Have you ever heard of a talking flower?”
The human thought about Flowey when Screwball asked that question. “I’ve met one before.”
“So, you know all about it. The echo flower.”
“Oh, I thought about something else.”
“They’re all over the marsh. Say something to them, and they’ll repeat it over and over…”
“What about it?”
“‘What about it’? Well, Zany told me something interesting the other day. Sometimes, when no one is around, a flower appears and whispers things to him. Flattery, advice, encouragement, predictions. Weird, huh? Someone must be using an echo flower to play a trick on him. Keep an eye out, OK?”
“OK.”
“Thanks.” Then time resumed moving, and the both of them finished their desserts. When Screwball finished hers, she got up from her seat, and said, “Welp, that was a long break. I can’t believe I let you pull me away from my work for that long. Oh, by the way, I know I said this will be my treat, but I just realized that I left my money back at my post. Can you foot the bill? It’s just 10,000 bits.”
“That much just for dessert?”
“Just kidding.” She then looked at Pumpkin, and said, “Yo Pumpkin, put it on my tab.”
“Sure thing,” Pumpkin replied, “I hope you don’t take too long to pay me back, again.”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” As Screwball was about to go out the front door, she turned to the human, and said, “By the way, I was gonna tell you something, but I forgot what it was.” She then walked out the door.
The human continued on her quest to the surface, and Zany decided to join her.
“Isn’t this great, human?” Zany said. “We’re on a grand adventure, together!” He then started singing:
“I can’t believe it, I made a friend
Who likes me
Even though our date
Wasn’t that great!
My style and charm
Have won over a human
Who likes chocolate milk and cotton candy
I think this must be fate!
When I tell Rainbow Dash
Wait I probably shouldn’t do that
She’ll be mad, she might have,
And then throw, a cow.”
Then Zany’s phone starts ringing. “Oh, uh…” He then continued singing in a lower tone:
“I’m sorry, human,
That was my phone ringing…
Uh oh, that would be her
Calling right now.”
He then stopped, and said, “I’ve gotta take this, I’m sorry! I’ll be right back! Probably!”
“OK, see you!” the human replied. She then continued on the trail, alone. She then ran into a pegasus colt without a cutie mark.
“Hiya!” the colt said. “Did you ditch your parents, too? Man, I don’t blame you!”
You didn’t even let me answer, the human thought.
“They say Rainbow Dash is in the area. She’s my mom’s honorary sister, and I don’t see her very often. But she’s just the coolest wonderbolt ever! I wanna be like her when I grow up. And, my mom is such a jerk for saying I can’t leave the house!”
“And you are?”
“Oh sorry! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Lightning Blitz! My mom was 13 when when she was pregnant with me. Weird, huh? It’s a bit of a long story. But enough about me, what’s your name?”
“My name is…”
“Oh, oh, that’s her! That’s her over there!” The both of them hid in tall grass to spy on Rainbow Dash.
“He usually picks up on the first or second call,” Rainbow Dash said, referring to Zany. She wore winter gear, and her face was covered by goggles, and a winter mask. She also had a cyborganic wing. “What’s going on with him?”
Zany then showed up. “H-hi, Rainbow Dash!” he said. “Sorry I’m late, I had, uh, errands to run! Now regarding to the human I told you about earlier…”
“Did you fight her?”
“Ah yes, I did. I fought her valiantly!”
“Did you capture her?”
“Well…” Zany hesitated for a few seconds or so, and then he confessed. “No.”
Rainbow Dash then got furious. “WHAT!”
“I tried very hard to, Rainbow Dash! You gotta believe me! It’s just, y’know, things come up, things change. Y’know how it is, right?”
“Ugh, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.”
“Or, y’know, with help from a royal guard, in training.”
“I’ll rip out her soul myself, and break her little bones!”
“Now now, that’s a bit overkill, don’t you think? And you don’t need to destroy her. You see, I’ve been thinking about it, and… Well, I have something to say.”
“But with her soul, we can go home. We will win this battle.”
“I… I understand, it’s just…”
“We’ll breach the surface world, and destroy the human scum! And if you have a problem with that, maybe the Royal Guard isn’t for you.”
“What? B-but I… I…” Zany then sighed, and said, “I’ll help, Rainbow Dash, anyway I can.”
“Good, I knew I can count on my favorite godson. Now hop to it.”
“Yes, Rainbow Dash.” Zany then wandered off.
“You hear me, human?! It’s hunting season, and I don’t miss my catch!” Rainbow Dash then went off into the forest to search for the human.
When Rainbow Dash was gone, both the Human and Lightning Blitz went out of hiding. “Wow, isn’t she awesome?!” Lightning said. “Well, she’s usually not like this, but the war got to her head. But still, she’s really awesome!” Lightning then ran ahead, and the human continued on the trail.
As the human was walking down the trail, she eventually got a phone call from Zany. “Hello! This is Zany!” he started.
“Wait, how did you get this number?” the human asked.
“It was easy. I was simply just put in random numbers until I got the right one! So… what are you wearing…? I’m... asking for my godmother. She thought she saw you wearing a dusty tutu. Is it true? Are you wearing one?”
The human was wearing a dusty tutu. She found it somewhere in Waterfall. She only put it on because it would increase her defense. “You’re not gonna back stab me, are you?”
“What? No! Why would I do that to my new friend? Just tell me.”
“OK, yes. I am wearing a tutu.”
“OK, got it. Bye!” Zany then hung up, and the human continued on trail.
She then encountered the echo flowers that Screwball told her about. She stayed silent, and listened to what they were saying. It was just a passing conversation between two ponies.
Here’s what they said:
“A long time ago, ponies would whisper their wishes to the stars. If you hoped with all your heart, your wish would come true. Now, all we have are these sparkling stones on the ceiling…”
“Thousands of ponies wishing together can’t be wrong! The king will prove that.”
“C’mon sis! Make a wish!”
“I wish my sister and I will see the real stars someday…”
“Ah… seems my horoscope is the same as last week’s…”
The human then continued on. She was walking a bridge, when suddenly, a spear landed right in front of her! She then found Rainbow Dash, and ran away. Rainbow Dash chased her down while throwing more spears at her. The human found some more tall grass, and hid in it. But Rainbow Dash followed her into the grass. She tried to reach for the human, but she instead grabbed Lightning Blitz. “Lightning?” she said.
“Heh heh, hi Aunt Rainbow Dash,” Lightning replied. “How’s your hunt for that human?”
Rainbow Dash put down Lightning, and walked away.
“Hey wait! We don’t see each other very often! Oh well.” He then turned to the human, and said, “Wow, I can’t believe it! I finally met her again after all these years! Too bad it didn’t last long. Oh well, we’ll try to catch her again. We might even get to watch her fight the human.” He then ran off again.
The human then continued on the trail. She then found some more echo follows. They were the voices of the same ponies from before. Here’s what they said:
“So? Don’t you have any wishes to make?”
“... hmmm, just one, but… It’s kind of stupid.”
The human then got another phone call from Zany. “Hello! This is Zany again! Remember when I asked you about clothes? Well, my godmother… her opinion of you is very… murdery. But I bet you knew that already! And because of that I told her what you told me you were wearing a dusty tutu!”
“You what?!” the human replied.
“Because I knew, of course… after a suspicious question… you would obviously change your clothes! You’re such a smart cookie!”
“I didn’t change my clothes.”
“Oh, really? Well, if Rainbow Dash isn’t around, then now would be a good time. No betrayal anywhere, right? Well, see you later!” Zany then hanged up, and the human continued on the trail.
The passing conversation being repeated by the echo flowers continued. Here’s what they said:
“Don’t say that! Come on. I promise I won’t laugh.”
The human then eventually ended up in a cave with a body of water by the human’s side. She then met a giant sea monster with orange hair and a mustache, and freaked out.
“Whoa whoa whoa!” the sea monster said. “I mean you no harm. Let me introduce myself, my name is Steven Magnet.”
“Oh, nice to meet you,” the human replied. “How come you’re down here? You’re not a pony.”
“Well one day, I came to visit my friends, but it took me until it was too late that I remembered that anything can get in, but nothing can get out without a powerful soul."
“You have friends here?”
“Sure do, Rarity was generous enough to give me her tail to complete my beautiful mustache when a puff of black smoke cut it off, and my closest friend, Cranky. He finally married the jenny of her dreams, Matilda. And their kids call me Uncle Steven, I never felt so loved.”
“Wow, quite the family.”
“I know, I know! Well, it was nice meeting you. See you later!” Steven then swam away.
“He seems nice.” The human then continued on the trail. When she got out of the cave, it started to rain. Luckily, she found a bin full of umbrellas. She took one, and continued on. She then ran into Lightning Blitz again. “Oh, hello again Lightning.”
“Oh, hello again,” Lightning replied. “I didn’t think it was gonna rain, so I didn’t bother getting an umbrella. Can we share yours?”
“Sure, come here.”
“Thanks,” Lightning got underneath the human’s umbrella, and they continued on the trail. “Man, Rainbow Dash is sooooooo cool. She beats up bad guys and NEVER loses. If I was a human, I would wet the bed every night knowing she was gonna beat me up! Ha ha!”
“Really? You don’t say.” the human said with a nervous smile.
As the continued on the trail, they went past an echo flower beyond their reach. “So, one time. We had a school project where we had to take care of a flower. The king volunteered to donate his own flowers. He ended up coming to school and teaching the class about responsibility and stuff. That got me thinking… How COOL would it be if Rainbow Dash came to school!? She could beat up ALL of the teachers!!”
“Why the hell would she that?”
“Yeah, you’re right, she’s too cool to beat up an innocent pony.”
As they were walking, the human found a castle in the distance. “Does that castle belong to the king?”
“Of course it does. Did Sin’s toxin get to you, or something?”
“Who’s Sin?”
“I’m joking, he’s a villain in a JRPG I played.”
“Oh, ha ha.”
It eventually stopped raining, and the human and Lightning found a steep ledge. “This ledge is too steep.” Lightning said.
“Can’t you just fly to the top?” said the human.
“I’m still learning how to fly. Here, I’ll give you a boost.”
“OK.” The human got onto Lightning’s shoulders, and climbed over him. She was then on top of the ledge. “Here, I’ll pull you up.”
“I can’t jump that high. Don’t worry, I’ll find away up there. See you on the other side!” Lightning then ran off.
The human continued on. She was then on another wooden bridge. Then, blue spots started glowing on the bridge, and suddenly, spears sprouted out of them. The human then spotted Rainbow Dash.
“I got you this time, bitch!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“Oh crap!” The human then ran, trying to avoid Rainbow’s spears.
“Hold still you little brat!”
Eventually, the human ran into a dead end, and was cornered by Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash then used her spears to break the bridge, causing the human to fall.
When the human landed, she became unconscious and started hearing voices. Here’s what they said:
“It sounds like it came from over here. Oh! You’ve fallen down, haven’t you? Are you OK? Here, get up.”
“Hi, my name’s Chara.”
“Chara, huh? That’s a nice name. My name is…”
The human then woke up on a bed of flowers. “Huh, deja vu,” said the human. She then sniffed the air. “Bleh, it smells like garbage down here!” As she continued on, she finds piles of garbage. “Oh, that makes sense.” She eventually finds a way out of the dump. When she walked right past a dummy, it came to life.
With an evil laugh, he said in a redneck accent, “Too intimidated to fight me, huh!? I’m a ghost that lives inside a DUMMY. One of my cousins used to live inside one too. Until YOU CAME ALONG! When you talked to him, he thought he was in for a nice chat… But the things you SAID…! Horrible. Shocking! UNBELIEVABLE! It spooked him right out of his dummy! HUMAN! I’ll scare your soul out of your body!” He then engaged the human in a fight.
“Whoa, OK. Let’s be reasonable.”
“Futile. Futile! FUTILE!” The dummy had some smaller dummies throw some projectiles at the human. The human dodged them, and had the projectiles hit the dummy. “OWWWW, you DUMMIES! Watch where you’re aiming your magic attacks!” He paused for a moment. “Hey! You! Forget I said anything about magic!!!”
The human tired talking to the dummy, but he wouldn’t listen.
“I’ll defeat you and take your soul!” The dummies threw their magical attacks at the human again, but the human dodged them again, and they hit the dummy… again.
The human tried sparing the dummy, but the dummy wouldn’t accept her mercy.
“I’ll use your soul to cross the barrier!” And it keeps going, the smaller dummies attack, the human dodges, the bigger dummy gets hit. “I’ll stand in the window of a fancy store!” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. Now the dummy was hopping mad. “THEN EVERYTHING I WANT WILL BE MINE!” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. “Huh? Yeah, I guess that’ll avenge my cousin.” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. “What was his name again?” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. “Whatever. Whatever! WHATEVER!” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. “Foolish. Foolish! FOOLISH!” Magic attacks, dodged, hits the dummy. You’re probably getting tired of this, so let’s just cut to the chase. “Hey you guys!” The smaller dummies are gathered together. “Dummies. Dummies! DUMMIES! Remember when I said NOT to hit me? Well… FAILURES! YOU’RE ALL FIRED! YOU’RE ALL BEING REPLACED!!!” They then left. “Hahaha. Hahaha! HAHAHA! Now you’ll see my true power: Relying on ponies that aren’t garbage! DUMMY BOTS! MAGIC MISSILE!” Then, the robots shot missiles at the human, but again, she dodged them, and they hit the dummy. Let’s just cut to the chase. They kept doing it until the dummy had enough. N… no way, he thought, These guys are even WORSE than the other guys! “Who cares? Who cares!? WHO CARES!!? I DON’T NEED FRIENDS!!!” He then took out a knife. “I’VE GOT KNIVES!!!” He threw the knife, but missed. “I’m… Out of knives. BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER! YOU CAN’T HURT ME AND I CAN’T HURT YOU! YOU’LL BE STUCK FIGHTING ME. Forever. FOREVER!!!!” He then laughed like a maniac until someone called his name.
“Braeburn!” That female redneck voice sounded familiar. It was that ghost that the human met in the Ruins.
“Oh, hey there Applejack. How’s it going?”
“Don’t you ‘How’s it going?’ me. That’s my friend you’re trying to kill!”
“Your friend? But she’s a human! She even said awful stuff to one of our cousins!”
“So what? That’s no reason to kill her! Besides, she isn’t like the other humans. Now leave her alone!”
“Alright.” Braeburn then left.
“Sorry about my cousin Braeburn, he hasn’t really been himself ever since one of your kind killed him, and now he possesses one of Rarity’s clothing dummies. He actually used to be so cheerful and optimistic. Well, a lot of ponies down here haven’t really been themselves ever since we got trapped down here.”
“Well, I sure wish I can meet that Braeburn.” the human said.
“And here’s something funny.”
Braeburn overheard, and said, “Please don’t tell her.”
“Everypony thinks he’s gay even though he isn’t.”
“Applejack!”
“Sorry cuz.”
Braeburn walked away.
“Well, it was nice seeing you again, Applejack.” the human said.
“Same. Well, see ya later.” Applejack then floated away, and the human continued on the trail, exiting the dump.
When the human was out of the garbage dump, she came across a house shaped like an apple. She had a pretty good idea who lived there. She knocked on the door, and as you would’ve guessed, Applejack answered the door. “Oh, howdy!” Applejack said, “Wasn’t expecting our next meeting to come this soon. Would you like to come in?”
The human accepted Applejack’s invitation.
“Alright, make yourself at home. Are you hungry?”
The human’s stomach started to growl. “Well, it has been a while since I last ate.” she said, “Whatcha got?”
Applejack then brought the human to her fridge, and opened it. “Well, I got some apple pie, apple sauce, apple fritters (my favorite), apple cider, non-alcoholic apple cider…”
“Wow, you really love apples, don’t you?”
“It runs in the family. Hell, I used to farm apples with my family.”
“Oh cool. So, I guess I’ll have a slice of apple pie.”
“Good choice.” Applejack then gives the human a slice.
The human then takes a bite. “Hey, not bad!”
“Why thank you.”
The human then noticed a picture of Applejack and her family. “Was this back when you were still alive?”
“Ah yes, those memories. Two of my children were adopted because me and my husband, Spike, thought we couldn’t make one ourselves. But to our surprise, we got a pony-dragon hybrid. We loved them all equally.”
“What a beautiful family.”
“Thanks. Oh would I do anything to have a body again, so I would hug my loved ones again.”
“Hey, where is your husband by the way?”
“Haven’t seen him ever since I died. Who knows where he is? But I’m doing my best to find him. I’m determined to find him one day.”
The human finished her pie, and put down her plate. “Well, it’s been fun hanging out with you, but I need to continue on my quest.”
“Alright, hope we see each other again soon.”
“OK, bye.” The human then left the house, and continued on.
The human entered a dark tunnel, she could barely see a thing. She then found another echo flower. It wasn’t one of the voices in that passing conversation, but it sounded like a warning to the human.
It said, “Behind you.”
The human turned around and saw Rainbow Dash. Rainbow had the human cornered. She was silent for a few seconds, and said, “Seven. Seven human souls. With the power of seven human souls, our king, King Sombra, will become a god. With that power, Sombra can finally shatter the barrier. He will finally take the surface back from humanity, and give them back the suffering and pain that we have endured.” She paused. “Understand, human? This is your only chance at redemption. Give up your soul, or I’ll tear it from your body.” Rainbow then took out her weapon, and walked right up to the human. And just when she was about to strike, Lightning Blitz jumped out of the bushes.
“Rainbow Dash!!!” He shouted. “I’ll help you fight!!!” He then noticed his human friend. “YO!!! You did it!!! Rainbow Dash is right in front of you!!! You’ve got front row seats to her fight!!!” Lightning then looked confused. “Wait, who’s she fighting???”
Rainbow Dash then grabbed Lightning and said, “Kid, you and me need to have a serious talk!”
“OK.” He looked back at the human, and said, “See you later!”
“How sad,” the human thought, “He hasn’t figured out already that I’m a human.” She then continued. As she kept walking, she found some more echo flowers, and it was the passing conversation continued. Here’s what they said:
“... hmmm… if I say my wish, you promise you won’t laugh at me?”
“Of course I won’t laugh!”
“Someday, I’d like to climb this mountain we’re all buried under. Standing under the sky, looking at the world all around… That’s my wish.”
The other person laughed anyway.
“Hey, you said you wouldn’t laugh at it!”
“Sorry, it’s just funny, That’s my wish, too.” That’s where the conversation ended.
The human walked on a bridge, when she heard Lightning Blitz call her. “Yo!!!” he said. He then walked up to the human, and said, “Yo, I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I wanna ask you something.”
“What is it?” the human replied.
“Man, I’ve never had to ask anyone this before. Um… Yo… You’re a human, right?”
“You’re just noticing now?”
“Man, I knew it! Well, I know it now, I mean… Rainbow Dash told me, um, ‘stay away from that human’. So like, um… I guess that makes us enemies or something. But I kinda stink at that.”
“But we don’t have to be. I’m not like the other humans.”
“You’re not? Boy, wait until I tell Rainbow Dash about this!” He then ran off, but slipped, and started hanging off the side of the bridge. “Help! I can’t fly well yet!”
That’s when Rainbow Dash showed. “Lightning!” she shouted, worrying for him. Rainbow tried to save him, but human saved him first. “What?”
“Look Rainbow Dash! This human isn’t like the others!”
“I thought I told you to stay away from the human! Now step aside!”
“If you want to hurt my friend, you’re gonna have to get through me!”
“Friend? Ugh, y’know what? I’m sending you home!” Rainbow Dash then grabbed Lightning, and flew away as fast as she could.
The human eventually found the entrance to a town known as Hotland. As she was about to enter, she encountered Rainbow Dash again who was standing on top of the entrance.
“Seven. Seven human souls, and King Sombra will become a god.”
“Oh god, not this shit again.” the human mumbled to herself.
“Six. That’s how many we have collected thus far. Understand? Through your seventh and final soul, this world will be transformed. First, however, as is customary for those who make it this far, I shall tell you the tragic tale of our people. It all started long ago…” Rainbow then paused, and thought about it. “No, y’know what? SCREW IT! WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU THAT STORY WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE!?!” She then let out a warrior scream, and took off her winter headgear, revealing her true identity. “You! You’re standing in the way of everypony’s hopes and dreams! Yoshi’s history books made me think humans were cool with their giant robots and flowery swordswomen. BUT YOU? You’re just a coward! Hiding behind that foal so you can runaway from me again! And let’s not forget about that wimpy goody-two-shoes-schtick of yours. ‘Oooh! I’m making friends with random strangers, and making a huge difference!’ You know what would be more valuable to everypony? IF YOU WERE DEAD!!! That’s right, human! Your continued existence is a crime! Your life is what stands between us and our freedom! Right now, I can feel everypony’s hearts pounding together! Everypony have been waiting their whole lives for this moment! But we’re not the slightest nervous. When everypony put their hearts together, they can’t lose.”
“You done with your monologue yet?” asked the human.
“Why yes I am. Now, human! Let end this right here, right now!” Rainbow Dash then jumped right down and faced the human. She then turned the human's soul green. “As long as you're green, you will not escape me!” She then attacked the human.
The human defended herself, and tried to give Rainbow Dash some mercy. “Look,I don't want to fight you, I just want to go home!”
“I'll never accept your mercy.” Rainbow Dash replied. “I'll never be spared! Killing you is my mercy, so stop being scared!”
Eventually, the human's soul was no longer green. “Now's my chance!” she said as she made a run for it.
“Hey, where are you going?!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “Come back here and fight me!” She then cased the human into the cave.
Along the trail, the human noticed that Screwball was in a guard booth. “Yo, wut up kiddo?” Screwball said as he human ran by.
“Sorry, can't talk right now!” the human replied.
“Ok, see ya! Hey how's it going, RD?”
Rainbow Dash stopped, and noticed Screwball standing in the booth doing nothing. “What the…?” she started. “The human was right here! Why didn't you…? Ugh, when did you get so lazy?” She then continued chasing the human. When she caught up with the human, she started to feel week. She didn't notice that she was in a hot environment, and she was still wearing her winter gear. “Winter gear… so… hot.” She then fainted from heat stroke.
“Oh crap, I can't leave her here like this!” The human responded. She then noticed a water machine that you would see at certain businesses. She filled up a cup of cold water, and splashed it in Rainbow Dash's face.
Rainbow Dash then woke up, and looked shocked. “Did you just save me?” she asked.
“Why, yes I did.”
Being all confused, Rainbow Dash flew off.
“You're welcome by the way!” The human then got a phone call from Zany.
“Hello human!” Zany said, “I was thinking, and you're too of a good friend not to share, so maybe I should convince Rainbow Dash to become friends with you.”
“Well, I did just save her life.”
“Great, her house is back at Waterfall. It looks like a cloud, so you probably won't miss it. See you there!” Zany then hung up.
The human went back to Waterfall to meet up Zany at Rainbow Dash’s house. When she got there, she noticed that Rainbow’s house really did look like a cloud. “Oh, hello, Human!” Zany called out.
“Hey, Zany!” the human responded. “So, this is your aunt’s place?”
“Oh, she’s not my actual aunt, she’s just one of my godmothers.”
“Oh, so should we get started?”
“Oh yes.” Zany then knocked on Rainbow’s door.
Rainbow then answered. “Hiya, Zany!” she greeted. “Are you ready for your one-on-one training?”
“Oh yes, I am, and I brought a friend.” Zany then introduced Rainbow to the human.
“Oh hi, I don’t believe we…” Rainbow then paused after noticing that Zany’s guest was the human that she was chasing earlier.
“Something wrong?” Zany asked.
“Why don’t you two… come… in?” Rainbow then let Zany and the human in. “So Zany, are you ready for your one-on-one training?”
“Oh, I almost forgot. I have to use the restroom.” Zany then hopped through the window, breaking it in the process.
“Well, that was weird. He usually sticks the landing.” Rainbow Dash then turned to the human, and said, “So what brings you here? Came to laugh in my face, boast about your victory?”
The human responded by saying, “Actually, I was wondering if we can become friends.”
“Friends with you? Sure, we can talk about cute boys, and try on some pretty dresses, too.”
“Really?”
“No! Why would I ever want to be friends with you? Get out of my house, and stay out of my life!”
Zany then pops his head through the window. “Oh, what a shame, and here I thought you had what it took to make friends with someone, considering that you're friends with the Princess of Friendship. I guess not.”
Rainbow then turned to Zany, and said, “What are you talking about? I do to have what it takes!”
“Then prove it by befriending that human. Besides, the best way to defeat your enemy is to make them your friend.”
Rainbow Dash thought about, and said, “Yeah, he's right.” She then turned back to the human, and said, “I'll show him, we're gonna become the best of friends! By the time I'm done with you, you'll think about no one but me! It'll be the perfect revenge!” Rainbow then laughed maniacally, and then calmed down. “So, make yourself comfortable. I'll get you a drink. What would you like? Tea, hot cocoa, chocolate milk…?”
The human sat down at the table, and said, “Chocolate milk would be nice.”
“Chocolate milk coming right up!” Rainbow Dash then poured two cups of chocolate milk, one for the human, and one for herself. She then sat down across from the human. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” The human then took a sip out of her cup. “So, what's your beef with humans? Sure, they dragged you ponies underground, but you seem to have a personal vendetta against them.”
“You wanna know my beef against you humans, huh?” Rainbow Dash sighed, and said, “My husband, and our offspring… They were killed by humans during the war.”
“Oh no,” the human said in shock.
“Yeah, when that happened, I lost it, and started hating on all humans. I want to believe that not all humans are cold blooded killers, but that war convinced me otherwise.”
“I'm so sorry. I'll prove to you that I'm not like those humans, I promise.”
“Heh, I'll believe that when I see it.”
The human then decided to change the subject. “ So, you're training Zany to be in the Royal Guard?”
“Yeah, at least that's what I made him believe. Don't get me wrong, he's pretty powerful, but he has too much of his mother in him. I mean, he was supposed to capture you, but he made friends with you inside. I couldn't risk someone like that getting killed in the battlefield. So I decided to give him cooking lessons instead so he can do something else with his life.”
The human then noticed something out the window. “Hey Zany, I thought you left.”
“What?” Rainbow Dash turned to Zany who looked like he was about to cry. “Oh crap! How much did you hear?”
“Every word,” Zany replied as he ran off.
“Wait, come back!” Rainbow then turned back to the human. “Did you planned this?”
“No, I didn't. I swear.” The human answered.
“Whatever, I'm still getting my revenge by befriending you. Don't think I've given up.” Rainbow Dash then got and idea, a wonderful, awful idea. “Zany's probably not gonna want to take these cooking lessons again after hearing our conversation, but maybe you should take these lessons instead. It'll be the perfect bonding activity!” Rainbow Dash then took the human into the kitchen. “Today, we're gonna cook some spaghetti, because the writer of this fanfiction can't come up with something original!” She then took out all of the ingredients as quick as a flash. “First, let's make the sauce. Imagine that tomato is someone you really hate. Smash it with all your might!”
The human looked at the tomato, and imaged it was a drama hunter she knew on the internet. She then smashed the tomato, and shouted, “DIE, YOU UNFORGETTABLE BASTARD!!!” She had made a bit a mess.
“Sweet, that's what I'm talking about! We'll just scrape this into a bowl later. Now, let's boil the water! It's already in the pot.”
“Should I put in the pasta?”
“Not yet, the water has to boil first. Now turn on the stove!”
“Ok,” the human puts on the flame.
“Yes, hotter… hotter…! HOTTER!”
The human puts the stove at its highest temperature. Then she notices something wrong. “I have a bad feeling about this.” She said to herself.
“Too hot, too hot!!!” The house then engulfed in flames. There was then an awkward pause. “So what's next? Scrapbooking, friendship bracelets?” Rainbow Dash then let out a disappointed sigh. “Who am I kidding, I can't even befriend a human like you. I guess Zany was right. Looks like I have no choice.” She then takes out her weapon. “I don't care if you're my guest, anymore! I'm fighting you again, here and now! Go on, make the first move!”
“What? But, I don't want to fight you.”
“Look, I've already failed to befriend you. Just hit me as hard as you can!”
She didn't want to do it, but the human hit Rainbow Dash, anyway. But it wasn't really effective. “There, you happy?”
Rainbow Dash seemed confused. “That's all you got? Are you really that weak?” She then came to a realization. “Oh, I get it now.” She then put away her weapon. “You're not just a wimp, you're a wimp with a big heart. I guess not all humans are bad. Thanks for helping me realizing that.”
“Does that mean we're…”
“Yes,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, “We're friends now. Friendship is magic, after all. Now let's get out of here before we get burned alive.”
The two were able to escape the burning house. “Sorry for burning your house down, Rainbow Dash.” Said the human.
“Don't worry,” Rainbow Dash replied, “It was my fault for pressuring you.”
“So where are you gonna live now?”
“I'm gonna stay with Zany until I get back on my hooves.”
“You think he's gonna let you stay with him after what you said?”
“Eh, I'm sure he'll get over it. Hopefully. Well, see you later. Oh wait.” Rainbow Dash writes something down. “Here's my number. Call me if you need any help, or just want a social call.” She then flies off as the human continues her quest.
Back in Hotland, the human saw two royal guards blocking a pathway. One was a stallion, and the other was a mare. The human then called Rainbow Dash for help.
“Yo, wassup!” Rainbow Dash answered.
“Hi, Rainbow Dash,” the human responded. “There are two royal guards blocking a pathway. Since you're their leader, can you tell them that I'm harmless, and to let me through?”
“Sorry, kid, can't help you with that. I told them what I learned from Dr. Yoshi's animated history tapes. Oh, you probably don't know what those are, oh well. In one of those tapes, I saw that humans can use mind control, so I told those two that if I were to ever tell them to let you though, I'd be under mind control. So they'd most likely not listen to me.”
“Oh, well thanks anyway.”
“No problem, kid. Go through Dr. Yoshi's Lab instead. I'm sure he'll be a great help to you. Oh, and can you tell him I said hi? Later!” Rainbow Dash then hang up.
“I guess that building up ahead is Dr. Yoshi's Lab. I wonder what he's like.” The human then proceeded to the building. “Gee, it kinda dark. I don't even know where I'm going.” After walking half way through the room, the lights suddenly turned on, and then someone walked out of a door. It was a blue unicorn with a yellow mane, wearing a lab coat and glasses.
The unicorn then noticed the human. “Oh, the human!” He said in shock, he then freaked out. “Oh Celestia, I wasn't expecting to have company so soon. I'm barely dressed, I haven't showered, I still have stubble on my face…” He paused for a bit, and then spoke to the human. “H-hi, I'm R.L. Yoshi, but everypony calls me Dr. Yoshi. I'm the Royal Scientist, I've been watching your adventure through my console, but I'm not one of the bad guys. I was originally gonna stop you, but watching someone on a screen really makes you want to root for them.”
“So that's what those hidden cameras were for. That's kinda creepy.”
“Like I said, I was supposed to stop you, but now I want to help you.”
“Great, so how much further is the Core?”
“Not that far. But I should warn you. You see, I invented this robot named Coloratura. I invented her to be an Entertainment Robot, kinda like a Robotic Super Star. However, there was a malfunction in her programming, giving her… anti-human combat features. Now she's an uncontrollable killing machine with a thirst for human blood.”
“Oh great, just what I need. Another individual who wants to kill me,” the human said, sarcastically.
“Don't worry, I'll keep you safe.” Then suddenly there was thump. “Did you hear that?”
“Yes,” the human answered nervously. Then something broke through one of the walls. It was a rectangular robot.
“Oh no,” said Dr. Yoshi.
“Oh yes!” The robot responded in a female voice. “Hello, Dearies! It is I, Coloratura! Welcome to our Quiz Show!” She then put a stamp mark on the human's cheek. “Hoovesies!”
“Uh, this isn't dangerous, is it?” The human asked.
“Now let's begin!” Coloratura said, disregarding the human's question. “All you have to do is answer a series of multiple choice questions. Answer them correctly… or you die!” The Quiz Show then begin. “Ok, first question: What's the prize for answering a question correctly?” The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi used his unicorn magic to project the correct answer to help the human. The answer was D. “More questions?” the human answered.
“That's correct, Dearie!” said Coloratura. “Here's your terrific prize! The king's name is actually a Spanish word, what does his name mean?” The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi told the human that the answer is C. “Shadow?” the human answered.
“Correct!” Said Coloratura. “Now enough about you, let's talk about me! What are robots made of?” The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi told the human the correct answer. “Metal and Magic?” the human answered.
“Correct, Dearie!” Coloratura said. “Here's another easy one for you!” The question was so long that the choices and time limit popped up before she can finish. Let's just say it involves trains. The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi told the human the correct answer. “32.058 minutes?” the human answered.
“Wonderful!” said Coloratura “I'm astounded, folks! Don't 'count’ on your victory… How many flies are in this jar?” The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi told the human the answer. “54?” the human answered.
“Correct!” Coloratura said. “You're so lucky today! Now let's play a memory game.” She then shows an obscured image. “Who is this?” The choices were:
It looked like a Froggit, but Dr. Yoshi told him that the answer was actually D. “Coloratura?” The human answered.
“I'm so flattered you remembered!” Coloratura said as she revealed the image. It was her wearing a Froggit T-Shirt. “But can you get this one?? Would you smooch a ghost?” All of the choices were the same, it was Heck Yeah.
Dr. Yoshi didn't give the human an answer, but instead he gave an expression that says, ‘Really dude?’. The human simply said, “'Heck Yeah’ I guess.”
“Great answer!” Coloratura said. “I love it!!!!!!! Here's a simple one. How many letters are in the name Coloratura aaaaaaaaaaa…” she just keeps adding the last letter of her name.
The choices are numbers that kept increasing, but Dr. Yoshi told the human that the answer is C. “The answer is C!” the human answered.
“Of course that was easy for you!” Coloratura said. “Time to bring out the big guns!! In the dating simulation video game ‘Mew Mew Kissy Cutie’ what is Mew Mew's favorite food?”
“Oh! Oh! I know this one!!!” Dr. Yoshi shouted. “It's snail ice cream!!!!!!! In the fourth chapter everyone goes to the beach!! She buys ice cream for all of her friends!! But it's snail flavor and she's the only one who wants it!!!!!!!! It's one of my favorite parts of the game because it's actually a very powerful message about friendship and…” He stopped after noticing that Coloratura was looking at him.
“Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshi,” Coloratura started. “You aren't helping our contestant, are you? Ooooooh!!! You should have told me. I'll ask a question you'll be sure to know the answer to! Who does Dr. Yoshi have a crush on?” The choices were:
Dr. Yoshi was giving a gesture that told the human not to answer. The human answered with “I just met him, how would I know who he has a crush on? So I'm going with 'Don't know’” Dr. Yoshi was relieved to hear that.
“You don't know?” asked Coloratura. “You are correct, Dr. Yoshi has a crush on… the unknown!” Dr. Yoshi then gave that expression again that says 'Really?’. “Dr. Yoshi is in love with someone who may or may not exist. Hello there, theoretical pony! Dr. Yoshi has a crush on you. That's if you actually exist of course. Well, with Dr. Yoshi giving our contestant most of the answers, there was barely any dramatic tension. But don't worry, my lovely viewers, this was just the pilot episode! Next up, more action, more drama, more bloodshed! See you next time, Dearies!” Coloratura then took off.
“Well, that was definitely something,” Dr. Yoshi said. “Oh, and that last question… that wasn't supposed to happen.”
“Ok,” replied the human. “Rainbow Dash told me that you'll be able to help me get to the Core.”
“Oh yes, I'll just give you my phone number so we can…” Dr. Yoshi then noticed that something's off about the human's phone. “Wait, where did you get that phone? It's so ancient. It doesn't even have texting. Let me take care of that for you.” He then took the phone, and made some modifications for it. Some time later, he finished. “Here, I upgraded your phone for you. It now has texting, and it has a nice keychain on it. I even signed you up for the Underground's number one social media network. Now we're officially friends. You can contact me whenever you need help.” He then paused for a few seconds. “I gotta use the restroom!” He then ran into the restroom.
“Ok then,” The human then continued off.
As the human explored Hotland, she got notifications for Social Media posts by Dr. Yoshi. Dr. Yoshi would even call her to help her with puzzles. The human would even come across some fire elemental enemies, and befriended them. “Gee, it's pretty hot down here,” the human stated. “It's like an oven down here.
Meanwhile in Snowdin, Screwball, Zany, and Rainbow Dash were sitting down on the couch, about to watch some TV. “Oh boy, my favorite show is about to come on!” Zany said, eagerly.
“Coloratura is a very good entertainer, huh?” said Screwball.
“Yeah, especially with that sexy, rectangular body. I'd totally hit that.”
“Eh, she's alright, I guess,” Rainbow Dash responded.
Back in Hotland, the human walked into a dark room. “Really, another dark room?” she said.
Dr. Yoshi then called the human. “Not to worry, I'll turn those lights on from here,” he said. When the lights turned on, the human appeared to be in a kitchen. “Uh, what?”
Coloratura then appeared, wearing an apron. “Hello Dearies!” she said with excitement. “Welcome to our cooking show titled 'Cooking With A Killer Robot’! Let's welcome our special guest, Human Child!”
Zany, Screwball, and Rainbow Dash reacted to the human on the TV screen. “Is that the human?” Zany asked with a shocked expression.
“It is,” Screwball replied.
“Wowie, she's so lucky, starring on TV with Coloratura.”
“I got a bad feeling about this,” Rainbow Dash responded.
“Today, we have a very special recipe,” Coloratura said. “We're gonna be baking a cake! Now Human, you mind getting the ingredients? We need sugar, milk, and eggs.”
“Sure,” the human said as she gathered the ingredients. She then placed them on the cooking station. “Here they are, Coloratura.”
“Magnificent! We now have all of the ingredients necessarily to bake a cake. Sugar, milk, eggs. We are now ready to bake a cake. Oh, wait a magnificent moment! We seem to forgotten the most important ingredient.” Coloratura then took out a chainsaw. “A human soul!” She then activated the chainsaw, and moved up close to the human.
“Dr. Yoshi, could use your help right about now!” the human said while terrified.
Coloratura's phone then started to ring, and she answered it. “Hello? I'm in the middle of something here.”
It was Dr. Yoshi on the phone. “C-coloratura,” he started. “You think you can use a substitution for the recipe?”
“A substitution? You mean use a non-human ingredient? Why would I ever do that?”
“Um, what if somepony's… vegan?”
Well it's already being made with milk and eggs, so it wouldn't be vegan either way. The human thought.
“Vegan?” Coloratura said to herself.
“Well, I mean…” Dr. Yoshi started.
“What a brilliant idea, Yoshi!” Coloratura interrupted. “I happen to have a substitution right over there.” She pointed to a table with a cylinder container on it. “You mind getting it for me, dearie?”
“S-sure,” the human said as she walked to the container. But when she got to there, the table started to raise in height. “Hey, what gives?”
“Oh dear, that looks like a very long climb, but alas, this show is on a strict schedule. So if you don't get the substitution in the next 60 seconds, we'll just have to go back to the original plan. Good luck, Dearie!” Coloratura then flew off.
The human then got a phone call from Dr. Yoshi. “Oh dear, you'll never be able to climb up there in one minute,” he started. “Luckily, I added a modification to your phone. Press the button that says 'jetpack’.”
The human pressed the button, and her phone turned into a jetpack. “Ok, don't know how that works, but it's rather convenient,” the human said as she puts it on. She then flew upwards, and the timer started. During this flight, Coloratura appeared, throwing some obstacles at the human. These obstacles included bread crumbs, sugar, and flour which the human was able to avoid. She was able to get to the top before time ran out.
“Impressive, dearie,” Coloratura said. “Most impressive. I thought you'd never make it. But once again, the great Dr. Yoshi was able to help you again, so no dramatic tension there. Well, see you in the next episode, Dearies!” She then flew off, and then came back to say one last thing. “Oh, and about the substitution. Haven't you seen a cooking show before? I already baked the cake ahead of time. So forget it!” She then flew off for real this time, and then the human continued on.
After many other puzzles, the human found another dark room. “Ok seriously, what's with the dark rooms?” the human asked. She then gets a call from Dr. Yoshi.
“Not to worry,” Dr. Yoshi said. “I'll take care of this.” When the lights turned on, they saw that the human was in a news report setting. “Are you serious?”
“Hello Dearies!” Coloratura shouted. “Welcome to Equestria News Daily! Today we go live with our correspondent, Human Child, where she will find something worthy of a news report. What will she report? Let's find out!”
The human looked around for something to report. There were lots of things to report, but one seemed the most juicy. “Hey look,” said the human. “I found a movie script!”
“Oh my, that's the script for my next movie! There isn't even a trailer for it yet! I play as the main character. But, you wouldn't spoil that movie for my audience, would you?”
“Just a sneak peek. I won't reveal too much.”
“Alright then. Today we report the script for my next movie! Time for a sneak peek!”
When the human opened the script, there was a bomb inside it. “What the…!”
“Oh my, it appears my movie is an OFFICE bomb! In fact, everything in this room is a bomb!” She then took down the news setting to reveal all of the bombs. “That's right, everything in this room is a bomb! That basketball is a bomb, that cute hedgehog is a bomb, that gaming system is a bomb, that glass of water is a bomb! You get a bomb, you get a bomb, everyone gets a bomb! Our brave correspondent here has 30 seconds to defuse these bombs, if she fails, then this bigger bomb will detonate in two minutes! Good luck, Dearie!” Coloratura then flew off.
Dr. Yoshi then called. “Oh dear, there's bombs everywhere!” he said. “Not to worry, I also installed a bomb defusing app on your phone.”
“What?” responded the human. “How does that work?”
“Just make sure that the bomb on the screen is in the defuse area. That should defuse the real bombs.”
“Don't know how that works, but whatever.” The human then walked around the room, getting to each bomb, and defusing them. She was successful.
Coloratura then came back. “Oh my,” she started. “You've successfully defused every bomb in this room. Now the bigger bomb won't go off in two minutes. It'll instead go off in two seconds!”
“Wait what?!”
“So long, Dearie!” Two seconds had passed, but nothing happened. “That's funny, it should've gone off by now.”
Dr. Yoshi then called Coloratura on the phone. “That's because I was able to defuse the bigger bomb from here!”
“Horse apples! Looks like you bested me once again, Dr. Yoshi. But don't think this is over yet. Stay tuned for the next episode. Later, Dearies!” Coloratura then flew off.
As the human continued on, she spotted a tower with a night sky background. “What's this?” she asked. She then heard a female robotic voice from the distance.
“That human,” the voice said. “Could it be?” It was revealed to be Coloratura wearing a dress. “My one true love?!”
“A play? Seems interesting.”
Coloratura then walked down the stairs as music played in the background, and when she got to the bottom, she started singing.
“Oh my love
Please run away,
Pony King
Forbids your stay!
Humans must
Live far apart
Even if
It breaks my heart!
They'll put you
In the dungeon,
It'll suck,
And then you'll die a lot!
Really sad,
You're gonna die!
Cry cry cry!
So sad it's happening!”
She then walked up to the human and said “So sad. So sad that you're going to the dungeon. Well toodles!” She then pressed a button on a remote which opened a trap door that the human was standing on. In the room, there were colored titles from before except it looked more tricky. “What a predicament. You're trapped down here with your only way out being that you have to solve this puzzle. Wait a minute. Didn't you see something like this before?”
“Yeah, and weren't you the machine who activated it? Either that, or Dr. Yoshi is just really lazy with designs.”
“Great, so I won't waste any time explaining it, then. Oh, and you have until the end of the number, or you'll be incinerated by jets of fire!” Coloratura then laughed maniacally. “Oh my poor love, I'm so full of grief, I can't stop laughing. Good luck, Dearie!” She then sang some more while the human struggled to solve the puzzle.
“Oh my love
Has fallen down!
Now in tears!
We all will drown!
Colored tiles,
Make them a fool!
If only they,
Still knew the rules!
Well that was,
A sorry try!
Now let's watch
Them fry!”
Unfortunately, the human was unable to solve the puzzle. It was just too hard. “Here comes the flames, Dearie!” Coloratura said. “They're getting closer!” The flames were really close to the human, but they weren't touching her. Coloratura let out a robotic cough.
Dr. Yoshi then called the human. “Don't worry, I'll turn these off!” The flames were then put out.
“Oh great Dr. Yoshi! You foiled my plans once again!”
“That's right, you lost! Game over!”
“Ah, but did you forget? When you step on a green tile, you would have to fight an opponent. And that opponent is me! En guard!”
“Don't worry, Human, there's one last app I installed into your phone. Press the yellow button to activate it.”
“Ok,” the human responded. She pressed the button, and then she was able to shoot pallets at Coloratura. It seemed to have an affect on her.
“Oh, the pain!” shouted Coloratura. “You have defeated me! I'm gonna have to recharge for when we meet again! Bye.” She then ran off.
“Hmm, that seemed way too easy.”
“We showed her, didn't we, Human?” said Dr. Yoshi.
“All thanks to you.”
“W-what, me? Oh no, I only installed a bunch of silly programs on your phone.”
“But I never would've gotten this far without them. Thanks, Yoshi.”
“Ah shucks, no problem. Actually, before I met you, I didn't really like myself all that much. But joining you on this adventure has really boosted up my self esteem. So, thank you.”
“You're welcome. Well, talk to later.”
“Ok, bye!” Dr. Yoshi then hang up, and the human continued on.
Meanwhile back at in Snowdin…
“Boy, that was an exciting program,” said Zany.
“Yeah, the human was pretty badass for a kid,” Rainbow Dash responded.
“Indeed she was,” Screwball replied. “Welp, I'm heading out.”
“Where are going, sis?” asked Zany.
“To have a friendly chat with the human. See ya!” Screwball then teleported out.