I had no choice but to get down down down down.
Twilight leaned over the table filled with glassware and mysterious lab equipment, more suitable in a laboratory of some mad scientist than in a proper basement of a proper castle belonging to a proper princess. Even if said basement was mostly dark, the only source of light being some weird, diseased-looking crystals glowing green. None of Twilightâs friends liked that place, but she didnât mind.
A smirk adorned Twilightâs face. There was nothing better than a night of experimenting with Starlight and Moondancer â her sisters in all things scientific.
Well, at least one of them. Although Starlight was at first pretty excited when they showed her the Haycartesâ method, she later sat in one of the less flea-infested armchairs and was only observing the other too, more and more disappointed.
âGirls?â Starlight eventually said. âWhen you mentioned experiments in the basement, I thought you mean, umm⊠experiments.â
âAnd what do you think weâre doing?â Moondancer levitated an erlenmeyer flask. âStill wonder how she fit her head in there?â
âWho?â Starlight asked.
âLong story,â Twilight replied, grabbing a beaker full of some bluish, foul-smelling liquid. âYouâd better not inhale that. Who knows what the effects can beâŠâ
âIs it poisonous?â Starlight asked, immediately jumping to her hooves. The thought of all the possibilities thatâd open to her was too overwhelming. For starters, sheâdâŠ
Starlight knocked herself in the forehead, remembering that she was supposed to be good now. Still, it didnât hurt to be prepared for anything. Including a small takeover of the world, if only for one weekend.
âYouâd better learn some more Haycartes,â Moondancer muttered. âThis spell needs constant practice.â
âDonât worry, Iâm pretty good at it already,â Starlight said, shrugging. âGive me four years to teach the foals and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted. I literally became this quote.â
The liquid in the beaker turned pink, orange vapour coming from it. Twilightâs smile grew wider as she grabbed a tube and attached it to the beaker, collecting the orange substance that quickly turned into a liquid as it cooled down.
âPerfect,â Twilight muttered.
âIf your aim was to create some hideous colours, then I can agree itâs perfect,â Starlight muttered, her eyes focused on one of the books sheâd grabbed from the shelf. âHey, Twilight, I didnât know you were into practical applications of necromancy.â
âI didnât even know I had such a book.â Twilight turned away from the table. âThe castle probably assumed Iâd need it one day. That may be a subject of our next experiment.â
âIâll get a shovel,â Moondancer said. âDoes the book say that the body has to be fresh? We may have to keep track of obituariesâŠâ
Starlight shuddered and put the book down. âAnd you thought I was evil. At least when someone died in my town, they stayed that way. Except those few guys who turned into white walkers, but we fought them off.â
âI thought you were more tolerant,â Twilight said.
âWhite walkers are hard to convert to equality.â Starlight trembled at the memory.
âTwilight!â Moondancer exclaimed, staring at the table.
Twilight turned back to the table and put out the fire with her magic. Then she levitated the mostly unharmed beaker, now full of some glowing, pink mist.
âPerfect.â Moondancer smiled. âIt seems that we made it.â
âMade what?â Starlight asked.
Twilight chuckled. âItâs an old recipe, nearly forgotten. But as you can see, it apparently works.â
âWhich is surprising, given the amount of mercury its author inhaled in his life,â Moondancer said. âThe guy started seeing breezies the size of elephants when he was old.â
âThat explains many things,â Starlight deadpanned. âBut what exactly does this thing do?â
âThanks to this, our heats will never be annoying anymore!â Twilight exclaimed, levitating the flask so Starlight could see it better.
âWhat?â Starlight groaned and hid her face in her hooves. âAll that experimenting and weird stuff and you made a painkiller?â She looked at the flask. âDo you drink it, or stick it up yourââ
âNone of these things,â Twilight replied. âThis doesnât stop your heat. It is your heat.â
âWhat?â Starlight raised her eyebrows. âHow is that even possible?â
âWe extracted it,â Twilight replied. âMore exactly, itâs mine⊠Was due to start soon, but now itâs here.â
âYes, but how do you do that, umm... technically?â Starlight asked. âIt doesnât require you to, ummâŠâ
âWellâŠâ Twilight opened a small box under the table and levitated a long, dark crystal out of it. âFirst you have to put it, umm⊠you get the idea where. I see it in your eyes. For about an hour. When you get it out, itâs pretty unstable, so you have to perform a series of reactions to make it safer.â She pointed at the flask full of pink mist.
âThatâsâŠâ Starlight looked at the crystal as if it was praying mantis porn â with a mix of disgust and curiosity. âActually, I consider trying that⊠Out of scientific curiosity. If itâs possible with cutie marks, why not heat?â
âYouâll have to wait.â With a wet plop, Moondancer levitated something from under her sweater. It was a similar crystal as the one Twilight showed Starlight, but this one was wet and glowing slightly. âIâm next.â
It was already morning when they got out of the basement, carrying three a flask and two cans they had to use when Starlight broke their last flask. The containers were warm and seemed to vibrate slightly; when Starlight grabbed hers in her hooves, she had a feeling that it started to vibrate stronger.
âSo, what are we gonna do with it?â Moondancer asked. âI guess we can carry further research. What happens when you absorb someone elseâs heat? What are its physical properties? Is it soluble in water?â
âIâd rather not have you absorb my heat,â Starlight muttered. âItâs a private matter.â
âPrivacy doesnât matter when you have science to do!â Moondancer threw her head back and chuckled.
Twilight shook her head. âStarlightâs right. Experimenting on it may be dangerous. Weâd better hide it in some safe place. Moondancer, you read about the, umm⊠side effects, right?â
âDrivel of someone with bit-sized holes in their frontal lobe,â Moondancer muttered. âThink of the possibilities.â
They walked into the throne room. Twilight put the containers on the table and prodded her bottle, looking at the substance inside moving around lazily.
âWell, a propos bits.â Starlight scratched her mane. âImagine whatâd happen if it became a thing. Ponies would pay us to get rid of their heats. Not to mention all those ponies who want to get pregnant and donât want to wait. We can just sell them someone elseâs heat and itâs done.â
âWe canât do that!â Twilight exclaimed. âItâs unethical.â
âAnd necromancy is?â Starlight rolled her eyes and sat on Fluttershyâs throne.
âWe need to put it in some safe place.â Twilight levitated the containers and placed them on the top of a shelf standing by the wall. âIn a week, the heats will fade and disappear anyway.â
âToo bad,â Starlight muttered. âBut wait⊠Does it mean I wonât get pregnant? Like, ever?â
âNo,â Twilight replied. âNext year weâll have to do that again. Unless, of course, you want to have a baby.â
âI want to have twins one day,â Moondancer said. âSo I can put one in a giant hamster ball. The other would be a control group.â
âThatâs awful!â Twilight exclaimed. âA control group consisting of only one specimen!â
âIâll think of quadruplets, then,â Moondancer muttered.
âI have no words.â Starlight smacked her head against the table. âIs it some kind of a post-heat blues, or you two just worry me that much?â
âDonât worry, after a while you get used to that.â Starlight heard Spikeâs voice next to her.
âHello, Spike,â she said in an emotionless tone.
âI was just wondering what you three were doing in the basement all night.â Spike looked at Twilight and Moondancer. âIâm guessing you were experimenting⊠Also, Moondancer, Cheerilee told me that if she ever notices a foal disappearing from her class, sheâll have a word with you.â
âMe?â Moondancer asked. âI did nothing wrong.â
âYeah.â Spike walked towards the shelf. âI have a feeling that Iâve heard that before.â
Suddenly, Starlight heard a noise in the background. It was like an air siren, growing louder and louder.
âIâve heard that before tooâŠâ Spike looked at the window and started to run away from the shelf.
Starlight raised her head just before something heavy rammed into the window, breaking it. Crystal splinters fell on the floor in slow motion; Starlight stood up, watching Rainbow Dash slowly falling towards the shelf. The sound of breaking wood came to her as if from a great distance.
âAww, shitâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered. She opened her eyes and found herself lying by the wall, covered in remains of the window, shelf, and something pink. She looked around and saw a baby dragon lying under her. âYou okay, Spike?â
âMore or less,â Spike whispered, getting out from under Rainbow Dash. âYou interrupted a really awkward situation.â
âThatâs my duty.â Rainbow Dash raised her hoof and saw that a mangled can stuck to it. âWhat the hay is that?â She sniffed it. âSmells like Twilightâs dirtyââ
âWell, youâre about to find outâŠâ Twilight approached Rainbow Dash slowly, licking her lips. Starlight and Moondancer followed her, hiding in her shadow and, without a rush, cutting off all the escape routes.
âWhatâs going on?â Rainbow Dash asked. âTwilight? Spike?â
âDonât ask me,â Spike replied, trying to hide behind Rainbow Dash. âIâd rather not have anything to do with that.â
âDonât worry, Dashie, it wonât hurt.â Moondancer smirked in a way Rainbow Dash didnât know was possible. âExactly the oppositeâŠâ
âI think Iâm gonna leave,â Spike muttered, sneaking closer to the wall.
âWait!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âDirty coward! Donât you see weâre in deep shit together!â
âWell, they seem mostly after youâŠâ Spike replied, accidentally bumping into Starlight. âSorry, Starlight, but I have toââ
âYou donât have to do anything, sweetheartâŠâ Starlight smirked. âJust lie down and Iâll do the restâŠâ
âWell, now weâre both in deep shit.â Rainbow Dash dodged Moondancer and backpedalled from Twilight. âAny ideas now, sweetheart?â
âA few,â Spike replied, suddenly finding himself cornered by Starlight, Moondancer, and Twilight. âFor starters, we may try diplomacy.â Seeing the look Rainbow gave him, he cleared his throat. âIt wonât work. The affliction is clearly magical, because I donât see why our friends would want to have sex with usâŠâ
âSpeak for yourself,â Rainbow Dash muttered, moving to avoid Twilightâs kiss. âAlso, if itâs magic, then we canât do anything about that. Weâre not eggheads.â
âWhat do you propose?â
âBrute force.â Rainbow Dash dodged Twilight and punched Moondancer in the jaw, knocking her glasses off. Moondancer backpedalled, slipped on the floor and fell.
âRun!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, grabbing Spike and taking off. She flew across the room, barely stopping in time for Starlightâs magic to miss her and obliterate the chandelier. She looked behind, only to see Twilight flying to her.
âWatch out!â Spike exclaimed. Rainbow Dash dived, watching Twilight fly further and smack into the wall.
âEnough of this!â Rainbow Dash darted forward, crashing into another window and piercing through it, nearly losing Spike on the way. âGo fuck yourselves, eggheads!â she exclaimed, just before accelerating and disappearing.
Twilight groaned, getting up on her hooves and rubbing her temples. âDamn. She ran away. What are we going to do now?â
âDo what she said,â Starlight replied. Her voice was strangely muffled. When Twilight walked to her, she saw unconscious Moondancer lying on the floor with her legs spread and Starlightâs face buried in her crotch. Twilight smirked and licked her lips, seeing this.
âIndeed,â she muttered, her hoof wandering between her hind legs. âWeâll do just thatâŠâ
âYou didnât have to punch Moondancer,â Spike muttered, turning back to look at Twilightâs castle. He immediately regretted it â a strong gust of wind nearly blew him off of Rainbowâs back.
âI wanted to do that since she said that my wings would make a good anatomy specimen,â Rainbow Dash replied.
Spike smacked his hand against his face. âThat was a compliment,â he said. âLearn to recognise them.â
âShut up, or Iâll Sonic Rainboom you into the next Friday,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âYou really wanted to leave me to them?â
âWell, I thought you and Twilight always wantedâŠâ
âNo, we didnât!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, blushing furiously. âJust because I prefer mares doesnât mean I want to do every single of them! Well, most of them, but Twilight is not on this particular list!â
âIâm sorry then.â Spike looked at the ground moving quickly below them. âWhat do you think happened to them?â
Before Rainbow Dash could reply, somepony rammed into them. For a second time on that day, she found herself falling. At least the dusty road was slightly softer than floor in Twilightâs castle. Still, the fall knocked the wind out of her and when she regained consciousness, she felt that someone was pinning her to the ground.
âYou smell niceâŠâ Cloudchaser purred, her warm breath blowing on Rainbow Dashâs face. âYou know what, Dashie? I always wanted to blow you so hard youâd suck dust into your assâŠâ
âW-what?â Rainbow Dash asked.
âHey, sis, look what I found!â Flitter exclaimed, cuddling Spike, who was making desperate attempts to free himself. âIâm gonna take it to my bed, give it my special hugs and call it George!â
âIâd prefer hugs tooâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered.
âIâd prefer nothing!â Spike shouted, seeing that Flitterâs cuddling got more intense and focused on parts of his body that werenât used to being cuddled.
âWell, I can hug you laterâŠâ Cloudchaser licked her lips, her wide eyes staring directly at Rainbow Dash. âBut now, youâre mine, my prettyâŠâ
Rainbow Dash thrashed, but she knew that she had no chance against Cloudchaser, as far as strength was concerned. She had to come up with something cleverâŠ
âHey, Cloudchaser!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âBehind you!â
Incredible as it may seem, the trick worked. âWhat?â Cloudchaser exclaimed, looking back.
âCUNT PUNT!â Rainbow Dash shouted, jamming her leg in Cloudchaserâs crotch. The mare screamed and rolled off of her, clutching to her stomach and trying to catch a breath. Rainbow Dash got back on her hooves, ran to Flitter and grabbed Spike from her.
âI believe George belongs to me,â Rainbow Dash muttered before taking off.
âShe took my dragon,â Flitter muttered. âYou seen that, sis? She took it!â
âAaarghâŠâ Cloudchaser groaned.
Flitter rested her head on her hoof. âWhy did she do that?â
âOoouughâŠâ
âShould I kiss you where it hurts?â
Cloudchaser raised her head slightly. âMhm.â
âWhat happened to them?â Spike yelled, looking back at Flitter and Cloudchaser. âDidnât they hear that some things just donât work out? Like interspecies romance.â
âDonât ask me, they were always like that,â Rainbow Dash replied. âMares, stallions, stray dogs... â She shuddered, nearly sending Spike plummeting down to the ground. âThough now it got me thinkingâŠâ
âAnd how is it?â Spike asked. âA completely new experience, huh?â
âRemember that I can still shake you off,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âSomething she said⊠âyou smell niceâ, that was it. What could she mean?â
Spike shrugged. âProbably that you smell nice.â He sniffed himself. âTo think about it, we do smell weird. Didnât you break something magical when you hit the castle?â
âNothing really magical, just some old cans.â Rainbow Dash lifted her hoof and sniffed it. âHey, I do smell nice. Like Twilightâsââ
âWatch out!â Spike exclaimed. Rainbow Dash automatically made a barrel-roll, dodging Thunderlane and losing her dragon companion.
âRumble, attack from the other side!â Thunderlane exclaimed, turning back and darting forward to tackle Rainbow Dash. She looked around and saw Rumble approaching her too. She smirked and folded her wings, dropping immediately.
The sound of two brothers colliding with each other was like a music to her ears. Especially since it was followed by a loud, âAargh, my ass! Not cool, bro!â. Rainbow Dash chuckled, but it quickly died down as she looked below and saw Spike approaching the ground much faster than heâd like.
âDamn.â Rainbow Dash dived, trying to catch Spike in a hopeless race against gravity. âDonât worry, Spike, I got it!â she exclaimed.
A sonic rainboom hit the town, breaking all the windows and blowing off the weaker roofs, as well as everything directly below her that wasnât attached to the ground. Rainbow Dash caught Spike just above the ground and pulled up, watching carts and market stalls getting thrown around.
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash noticed a house approaching her. She tried to dodge it, but given that she was moving with the speed of sound at the almost ground level, there could be only one result.
After being caught just before hitting the ground and plowing through walls of three houses to eventually stop in the fourth one, Spike asked himself only one question.
âHow am I still alive?â
âDude, I wish I wasnâtâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered. âMy head⊠This canât get any worse.â
âHey, Bonnie, look! Rainbow Dash made a big hole in our wall!â
âReally, Lyra? Thatâs an amazing coincidence, because I just wanted to make a big hole in her ass!â
âYou had to say that, didnât you?â Spike muttered. âAlso, what is wrong with ponies suddenly wanting to plow your anus?â
âI guess my anus is just that awesome,â Rainbow Dash replied, grabbing Bon Bon and throwing her at Lyra. âToo awesome for mud ponies!â
âHow did you call my bestie?!â Lyra exclaimed, firing a spell at Rainbow Dash. It singed her wing and penetrated the sofa behind her. Rainbow Dash shuddered, imagining herself in the poor piece of furnitureâs place. Usually she was all in for penetration, but this was just sick.
âSpike, weâre getting out,â she muttered, when another spell missed her head by a few inches and changed the chandelier into a sex toy, the purpose of which Rainbow Dash feared to imagine.
âAbout time,â Spike said, hiding behind a coffee table lying on the floor. âThis party is getting out of control.â He pointed at a large group of ponies trotting to the from the houses Rainbow had busted through.
Rainbow Dash only nodded, grabbed Spikeâs tail with her mouth and took off, ramming through the ceiling of Lyra and Bon Bonâs house, despite the dragonâs vocal protests.
âTho, what ah we gonna do now?â Rainbow Dash asked, trying not to accidentally spit Spikeâs tail out.
âWe need to get rid of that pink stuff,â Spike replied. âIt seems to attract them⊠And, for the love of the seven gods of hay, put me on your back or something!â
âThure.â Rainbow Dash grabbed Spike with her hooves and put him on her back. âGet rid of the pink stuff⊠Where to goâŠâ She scanned the town below her for a while, before her eyes finally rested on the spa. âIdea!â
âNo shitâŠâ Spike muttered, before Rainbow Dashâs sudden acceleration silenced him. He clutched to her fur with one hand while trying to cover his head with another. It didnât help him much when Rainbow Dash smashed into the roof of the spa, piercing it and falling into the swimming pool below, splashing water around.
Spike choked, swimming to the surface. He spit out the water and looked around to see Rainbow Dash sitting in the swimming pool in the middle of an island made of pieces of wood and roof tiles and smiling. Spike rolled his eyes. âJust how many times did you hit yourself in the head? Didnât you hear of such things as doors?â
âI got used to that.â Rainbow Dash smiled sheepishly. âAfter first three walls you just canât stop yourself.â
âI guess we can confirm that your head only serves one purpose,â Spike muttered. âWhen it rains, the water doesnât get inside of you.â
âWhat do you mean?â Rainbow Dash asked. However, she never got the answer, as one of the surviving doors opened and Lotus Blossom walked in, eyeing the disaster in front of her. Rainbow Dash and Spike looked at each other unsurely, ready to run away.
Lotusâ eyes narrowed. âJĂ€vla helveteâŠâ she whispered under her breath. âVhat zhe fuck did you tvo do?â
âWe⊠We can explain,â Spike said quickly. Before he was able to add something more, Lotus jumped into the water, swimming like a piranha, and grabbed him, lifting him to her eye level.
âVell, you vill explain zat to my sister,â she said. âVait, arenât you Tvilight Sparkleâs dragon? Iâm pretty sure sheâll pay for damages⊠Aloe! Bulk!â
âYeah?â Bulk Biceps smashed the door in two and walked into the swimming pool. Lotus looked at him and facehoofed, shaking her head.
âWhat happened here?â Aloe Blossom entered the room and looked around. Unlike her sister, she had almost no trace of an accent.
âDonât vorry, Iâm on it.â Lotus poked Spike. âZhey already agreed to pay for zhat.â
âI didnât agree to anything!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
âBulk?â Aloe said. Bulk Biceps grabbed a large, thick wooden pillar and broke it in two.
âOkay, Iâll pay,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âBut thatâs violence.â
âLook on the bright side,â Spike muttered. âAt least theyâre not trying to fuck us literally.â
âWell, I wonder what exactly caused you to burst through the roof?â Aloe asked. âYouâd better have some really good explanation, or youâll learn why Lotus had to run away fromââ
Lotus cleared her throat and glared at her sister. âVe donât talk about zhis.â
âYeahâŠâ Rainbow Dash smiled sheepishly. âSo⊠Youâd better get rid of that water. It does weird things to poniesâŠâ
âYeah, and you probably left some of that pink stuff on Moondancer when you punched her,â Spike said. âAnd on Cloudchaser when you⊠you know.â
âDamn,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âDo any of you have an idea where to get a fire pump?â
âYeah!â Bulk exclaimed. âThe fire station, of course!â
Rainbow Dash sighed. âOkay then. Who goes to steal a fire pump with me?â
It took a while before Rainbow Dash, along with Spike and Bulk Biceps managed to get a carriage with a fire pump installed on it from the garage and take it for a ride around town. In a true pegasus fashion, they made a big, pump-shaped hole in the gate and rushed down the street.
âYeah!â Bulk aimed the hose at the nearest group of ponies spitroasting each other. One quick shot of water and they changed into a group of wet ponies staring awkwardly at one another.
âTry not to breathe too much!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âWho knows, maybe itâs poisonous or something.â
âWhat, syphilis?â Spike asked. âItâs not airborne.â
âYeah, and Iâm clear!â Carrot Top exclaimed, trying not to look at two stallions sitting next to her. âYou canât get anything from carrots.â She looked around and noticed that two stallions disappeared.
âFire!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, pointing at another pair of ponies humping each other in a half-ruined house.
âI only have water,â Bulk muttered, lining up the shot.
âBonnie, is it me, or do we have a hole in the wall?â Lyra asked after a stream of water washed her off her roommateâs privates.
âShit!â Bon Bon exclaimed. âNo one can know that we have sex!â
âUmm⊠Didnât they already know?â Lyra asked.
Bon Bon sat on the couch, staring blankly at the hole in the wall. âWe have to move outâŠâ she muttered.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash, Bulk Biceps, and Spike kept rushing across the town, leaving watery mayhem and confused ponies in their wake. Moans and screams mixed with curses thrown at them by those they saved from a certain death by overexertion.
âWatch out! Frigginâ fireponies!â
âHey! What are we doing? Is it an ironing board?â
âMom, whatâs going on?â
âDo continue, son.â
âHit!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, spinning above the pump. âWasnât that awesome, Spike?â
âFind something to wash my brain from what Iâve witnessed,â Spike muttered. âI didnât know some of those things were possible.â He shuddered. âPonies are gross!â
Rainbow Dash shrugged, sitting on the top of the pump and pointing at the bowling alley. If she recalled correctly, there was some kind of party there and, judging from a few pairs having sex in front of the building, one of the infected ponies had ended up there.
âThis boogie is for real,â Spike muttered when the fire pump crashed the door. Bulk started pouring torrents of water at the patrons, who ran, trying to hide behind the speakers.
âStop!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, noticing that the crowd in the dancefloor wasnât doing anything out of ordinary â the pairs theyâd seen before were probably a normal side effect of the party.
âHello, Vinyl.â Bulk smiling sheepishly at the DJ standing behind her turntables, her mane lying flat against her head. She gave him a nasty glare and raised her hooves in a gesture known as Neightalian salute.
âHey, those three are spitroasting!â Spike exclaimed, pointing at the ponies on the other side of the street. Bulk immediately turned with the hose and fired a short burst of water at them.
âWhat the fuck, dude?â a bat pony asked, staring at the place where a bonfire used to be. âDo you think itâs funny or what?â
âThe locals donât get the idea of a barbecue,â another bat pony muttered, grabbing the stick with a piece of wet meat on it. âAt least the rat is fine.â
âThatâs discrimination.â A female griffon furrowed her eyebrows. âThose damn vegans hate us for our love for meat while fornicating in the streets!â
âWeâre sorry!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âAlso, not vegans. I do enjoy eggs, for example.â
âGo die in Tartarus!â
Rainbow Dash sighed and helped Bulk get the fire pump out of the bowling alley. They were getting closer to the castle and most of the ponies were already cured. They noticed only three on their way: a grey old pony with a pipe as his cutie mark and Flitter and Cloudchaser.
âDonât shoot at me!â the old pony exclaimed, still staring at the twins licking each other tenderly. âI can only watch anyway. My pipe doesnât burn as strong as it used to.â
âOhâŠâ Rainbow Dash stopped in mid-air. âOkay, Bulk, donât shoot the grandpa.â
âWeâre sorry, Mr. Waddle,â Bulk muttered and aimed the hose at Flitter and Cloudchaser. The water hit them, drenching their furs and manes, but it didnât seem like they noticed.
âShould I do that again?â Bulk asked, dumbfounded.
Mr. Waddle smirked, . âIf you canâŠâ
âNo!â Spike exclaimed. âIt seems that they donât need that pink stuff to, umm⊠enjoy themselves. And they may get cold.â
âYeah,â Rainbow Dash said, pointing at Mr. Waddle. âAnd he may get a heart attack if we get their manes wetter.â
Bulk nodded and they left Mr. Waddle admiring the beauty that was Flitter and Cloudchaser.
âOkay, just one more place,â Rainbow Dash muttered, pointing at Twilightâs castle. âLetâs see what our nerds are doing.â
When they pushed the door open, they saw that the inside of the castle was dark. It was, however, far from being silent. Rainbow Dash could hear moaning coming from the throne room, punctuated with some wet sounds.
âIâm not sure if I want to know whatâs going on there,â Spike muttered. âMaybe weâll send someone to check that?â
âWelcome in another episode of âWhat Else We Can Put in Moondancerâs Anusâ!â Starlight Glimmerâs voice echoed through the castle. âLast time, we managed to fit two cans of soup there. Now, weâll try with a chair!â
âOkay, I guess we donât need to,â Spike said. âWeâd better go there quickly!â
âHow did they do it?â Rainbow Dash asked. âDid they put the cans inside, or did they pour the soup in her ass?â
âIâm not sure whatâd be worse.â Spike shuddered. âLetâs go!â
As soon as they reached the throne room, it turned out that reality was far worse than Rainbow Dashâs wildest expectations. Judging from the state of the floor, table, walls, and a piece of ceiling, they poured the soup first and put the empty cans inside later. And it seemed that the chair was fine too. Or at least its leg.
âHoly shitâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered, her wings shooting open.
âDeeper!â Moondancer exclaimed, before burying her face back in Twilightâs crotch.
Spike looked at Bulk Biceps. âGive me the hose. Now.â He grabbed the hose and aimed it at the three ponies. A stream of water blew them off the table, also cleaning the soup from the surface.
âAargh!â Twilight exclaimed. âWhatâs going on here?â
âMy ass!â Moondancer cried, rolling on the ground. âMy ass hurts!â
âHey, you liked it,â Starlight said. âBe a big girl and let me at least get the chair out.â
âNo!â Tears flowed from Moondancerâs eyes. âIt hurts!â
âYes, but you canât just wander around with a chair in your butt.â Starlight sighed and pulled the chair out with her magic, despite Moondancerâs screaming. âThere. Youâll thank me later.â
âWhat happened to us?â Twilight asked.
âWell, that pink stuff kinda ended up on me and you were trying to rape me,â Rainbow Dash replied. âThen it started to attract other poniesâŠâ
âOur heats.â Twilightâs face went pale. âHow much damage did they do?â
âNothing more than Moondancerâs butt,â Rainbow Dash replied. âOne or two streets went to fuck themselves, a few ruined houses, and we have to pay for the spaâs roof. Nothing really bad.â
âFor certain values of âbadâ,â Spike muttered. âSo, those were your heats? How did you, umm⊠Get them out? And why they didnât work on me?â
âLong story,â Twilight replied. âAnd weâre not gonna do that experiment again. About your second question, I guess pony heats donât work on dragons.â
âWait, how about me?â Rainbow Dash asked.
âI guess youâre just a huge lesbo,â Moondancer muttered.
âAt least I didnât get a soup enema.â Rainbow Dash winced. âI wonât be able to eat tomato soup anymoreâŠâ
âMe neither.â Twilight looked at the walls. âWeâd better clean that up.â
âYeah, youâd better do,â Bulk muttered and took off. âI have to go back to the spa.â He flew out of the window Rainbow Dash had previously crashed through.
However, he didnât avoid cleaning. As soon as he went back to the spa, Lotus gave him a mop and a task to clean the swimming pool. It took him a few hours until he got rid of the dust and sorry remains of the roof. Eventually, he opened the valves to get rid of the dirty water and went home.
The water travelled down the drain pipes. Due to some mistake the builders made many years ago, the water from the spa somehow bypassed the townâs recycling system and went directly to the lake, along with dust, debris, and a strange, pink liquid that didnât want to mix with it, instead staying in large drops like oil.
As soon as they reached the lake, the drops began to grow bigger.
The horrors she had experienced left Twilight exhausted. It came to her as no surprise that when she woke up, the sun was high in the sky, shining in her face. She yawned and turned in her bed, trying to fall asleep again, when she heard the sound of glass breaking.
âRainbow, Iâm gonna murder youâŠâ she muttered.
âNo time for that!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, landing on Twilightâs bed. âYou have to see that!â
âSee what?â Twilight looked around, trying to get her bearings.
âThat!â Rainbow Dash pointed at the window. âBoard your windows and lock the doors! Weâre so fucked!â
âWhat?â Twilight asked, looking outside. At first, she thought that what she saw was some really weird formation of at least a hundred of pegasi flying above the lake. Then she realised that some of them were indeed pegasi, but it definitely wasnât a formation. More like⊠position. She noticed some unicorns and earth ponies sandwiched between the pegasi, staying in air only because of the strength of their boners. Twilight never thought sheâd utter such a phrase in her life.
âHow is that even possible?â she asked.
âFuck me if I know,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âI guess soon you will, if you drink something. At least judging by the fact that I had to drag Starlight to the basement, kicking and screaming after she drank her morning coffee. Judging by the sounds, she fucks a jar of pickles.â
âHow about Moondancer?â Twilight asked.
âTop corner of that. Big Macâs gonna smell of tomato soup, Iâm afraid.â Rainbow Dash pointed at the formation. Twilight looked there and saw Moondancer getting rutted by Big Macintosh and Thunderlane. She couldnât help but admire the strength of Thunderlaneâs wings.
âSo, what are we gonna do?â Twilight asked. âItâll take a week before it wears outâŠâ
Rainbow Dash scratched her head. âWeâre gonna need a really big fire pumpâŠâ
âYouâre a pegasus, arenât you?â Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash.
âWhy are you asking?â Rainbow Dash backpedalled. âDo you have a fetish?â
âNo, but⊠Couldnât you make it rain?â Twilight asked. âLike, fresh water from anywhere but the lake. This should do, right?â
Rainbow Dash scratched her mane. âYeah⊠more or less,â she said slowly. âBut Iâll have to look for it somewhere in the mountains, I guess. It may take a whileâŠâ
Twilight sighed. âIâd like to remind you that you can fly faster than the speed of sound. According to my calculations, getting from any point in Equestria to another should take you no more than four hours.â
âIt doesnât exactly work that way,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âBut I can try.â She took off and crashed through another window of Twilightâs bedroom. Soon, Twilight saw a rainbow explosion above the lake, causing the formation of pegasi to collapse and fall into the lake.
Twilight sighed and cast a spell causing the remaining windows to become nearly indestructible. Then she looked under her bed and grabbed one of the gas masks Pinkie Pie had left there in case of a gas mask emergency. âThis should keep the heat away,â she muttered, putting it on.
The door of Twilightâs bedroom opened and Spike ran inside. He closed the door and barricaded it with a closet. Twilight noticed that he was wet and had some glass shards and pickles stuck to his skin.
âWhat happened?â Twilight asked.
âStarlight got out and threw a jar at me,â Spike replied. âWhereâs Rainbow Dash? And what the hay are you wearing?â
âThatâs just a gas mask,â Twilight said. âAnd Rainbow Dash is getting help. Whereâs Starlight?â
Somepony banged at the door. âTwi! Come here quick!â Starlight exclaimed. âYou would not believe how many cool things we can do with a mop and a jackhammer!â
âDonât you think she has a problem?â Spike asked. âI mean, even without that heat thing. I guess living in a small village canât be healthy.â
âYou donât say,â Twilight muttered. They heard Starlight banging at the door again.
âWe canât just sit there, waiting for Rainbow Dash,â Spike said, looking at the door. âSheâll eventually figure out to break it with magic.â
âI think I have an idea.â Twilight levitated a box from under her bed and produced a baseball bat from it. âWhat?â she asked, seeing the look Spike gave her. âIâm afraid of changelings!â
âI see,â Spike replied. âSo, what are we gonna do with it?â
âHold it.â Twilight threw the baseball bat to Spike. âIâll open the door.â
âI have bad feelings about thisâŠâ Spike muttered, raising the bat. Twilight levitated the closet and used her magic to open the door.
âTwilight, honey, Iâm so glad to see you!â Starlight exclaimed, her eyes wide and bloodshot. âHave you ever wondered how many times I can make youââ She staggered when Spike whacked her in the back of the head, but continued to walk towards Twilight. ââ cum with my tongue aloneâŠâ
Spike hit her again, but Starlight didnât even notice. He looked at the bat unsurely and made a move as if he wanted to hit himself.
âGive me that!â Twilight levitated the bat out of Spikeâs claws and shielded herself from Starlight, who was cornering her.
âHow cute!â Starlight exclaimed. âYou already have toys!â
Twilight looked into her eyes and swung the bat down. The sound of it connecting with Starlightâs skull echoed across the room. Starlightâs eyes crossed and she collapsed on the floor, where she lay motionless.
âBest batter of Celestiaâs School for Gifted Unicornâs softball team.â Twilight spun the bat with her magic and put in on the ground. âThree times in a row, bitch.â
âWhat are we gonna do with her now?â Spike asked.
âDonât worry about that.â Twilight grabbed the box and took four pairs of hoofcuffs and an anti-magic ring from it. âDonât you dare ask,â she muttered.
âIâm not going to.â Spike watched Twilight cuffing Starlight to her bed. Just after she placed the ring on her horn, Starlight woke up.
âYouâre sending so many mixed messagesâŠâ she muttered.
âWait a minute, Iâll find the spell to get you out,â Twilight said. âItâs in water⊠Maybe a total water removal spell?â
âYeah, she wouldnât want to fuck anyone anymore.â Spike sighed. âBecause sheâd turn into dust.â
Twilight smiled sheepishly. âYeah, not the best idea⊠We could wash it out, but since she already ingested itâŠâ
âRemember: whatever you say may be her fetish.â Spike looked at Starlight unsurely. âMaybe youâll just get the book and check what the author of the spell came up with.â
âDried frog pills, mercury enemas, snow, and dragonfire,â Twilight replied.
âDragonfire?â Spike asked. âI can do that!â
âIf you can blow fire into her vaginaâŠâ
Spike looked at Starlight, who was thrashing on Twilightâs bed, trying to reach them. âOkay, Iâm not doing that.â
Suddenly, they felt a cold wind blowing. Twilight looked through the window and saw a large, dark cloud hanging just above the castle. It was definitely unstable; sparks were flying from it as it moved.
âHello, Twi!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âI found this baby wandering all alone somewhere around Yakyakistan! Can you help me with it?â She somersaulted in mid-air to kick two pegasi who were flying at her.
Twilight took off and flew to the top of the cloud where she met Rainbow Dash. âSo, what are you gonna do with it?â she asked. âIâm not exactly a weather ponyâŠâ
âItâs simple,â Rainbow Dash replied. âYou just fly to it and give it the biggest kick you can. It should do the rest.â
âOkay.â Twilight looked at the cloud unsurely. It definitely didnât look like an ordinary raincloud from the factory. Wild and untamed, it seemed like it was about to attack her back. Twilight took a deep breath and flew up with Rainbow Dash. After a while, they dived at the cloud, gaining speed.
âWhen this baby blows up, weâre gonna see some seriousââ Rainbow Dashâs voice drowned in a roar as she hit the cloud. A second later, when Twilight hit it, the cloud exploded, sending thunderbolts and torrents of snow around.
âWhoa!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, thrown around by the wind. âThat wasnât a raincloud!â
âYou donât say!â Twilight shouted. A gust of wind threw her back into her bedroom, along with a thick layer of snow. She tried to get up, but more snow hit her, burying her deep underneath it.
When she woke up, she saw Spike standing above her. Starlight was sitting nearby, the frame of the bed still attached to her hooves.
âWhereâs Rainbow Dash?â Twilight asked. âIf sheâs alive, Iâm gonna kill herâŠâ
âLook on the bright side,â Spike said, pointing at the clear sky. âIt seems that the snow cured everyone. Including Starlight.â
âYeah, can you untie me?â Starlight asked, trying to rub her head. âIâm not sure whoâs the victim there.â
Twilight used her magic to undo the hoofcuffs and walked to the window. Her castle was halfway buried under the snow. Some ponies already dug themselves out of it, including Rainbow Dash, who was lying on the top of a large pile of snow, smirking.
âThat was awesome!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed. âCan I do that again?â
âRainbow Dash!â another pegasus called. âWhat the fuck was that? Winter? In May?â
âChill out, Cloud Kicker,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âDo you know that the increasing pressure on weather teams to make more warm days causes global warming? We have to fight it, or one day youâll wake up to find out that Manehattan was flooded!â
âThatâd make the world a better placeâŠâ Cloud Kicker muttered, flying away.
âI donât get it,â Rainbow Dash said. âWe saved them, after all.â
âWell, weâre not tomato soup,â Spike muttered. âNot everyone has to like us.â
âYou just had to mention tomato soup, didnât you?â Twilight groaned. âBut at least everything ended wellâŠâ
Nurse Redheart sighed and furrowed her eyebrows, staring at Moondancer. âAntibiotics, huh? What for?â
âIâd rather not tell,â Moondancer muttered, wincing in pain.
Nurse Redheart scratched her head. âStrange, usually we have junkies who want painkillers, but antibiotics? Also, remember that we really donât want bacteria to develop resistance against themâŠâ
Rainbow Dash landed by Moondancerâs side with a big grin on her face. âDonât worry nurse, my friend is just shy,â she said. âNo wonder, since she had two cans of tomato soup pumped into her anus, which definitely resulted in an infection.â
âThatâs low,â Moondancer muttered.
âWell, actually tomato soup isnât the weirdest thing that resulted from this⊠fuck-up.â Nurse Redheart coughed. âFor starters, everyone has a cold.â She smiled. âNow, Ms. Moondancer, come with me. Weâll take a look at your⊠infection.â
When they walked out, Rainbow Dash chuckled. She was still laughing when Twilight and Starlight walked to her. âWhatâs going on?â Twilight asked.
âI just kinda told Nurse Redheart about Moondancerâs⊠condition.â Rainbow Dash smirked.
âThat wasnât nice,â Starlight said. âItâs not her fault that we were high on our heats.â
Twilight was about to say something about Rainbow Dashâs inability to keep a secret, when she saw a tall pony in a suit and sunglasses walking to her. âPrincess Twilight Sparkle?â he asked.
âYes, why are you asking?â Twilight looked at the pony unsurely.
âYou, Ms. Moondancer and MsâŠâ The pony looked into a notebook. âStarlight Glimmer are arrested for non-approved magical experiments, and unleashing a potentially fatal spell. You have the right to remain silent and to some other things, a comfortable cell not included.â
âArrested?â Twilight asked weakly. âBut⊠Iâm a princessâŠâ
âDonât you think that everyone should be equal?â the pony gave Twilight a heavy glare.
âI definitely agree,â Starlight said quickly. âCuff me!â
Rainbow Dash burst into laughter again. âThatâs just too rich! Just imagine the headlines! âPrincess Arrested for Fucking the Town Overâ...â
âElement of Loyalty, huh?â Starlight sighed.
The pony in black looked at Rainbow Dash. âWhile we are at it⊠Ms. Rainbow Dash, youâre arrested for violation of air traffic laws, stealing a fire pump, unapproved changes in the weather schedule⊠Oh, and the yaks are asking us what happened to their holy snowcloud. You also have the right to remain silent and I think we have a nice cell for four ponies.â
Rainbow Dash stopped laughing. âHoly⊠Snowcloud?â
âEquality,â Twilight muttered. âCome on, Rainbow, at least youâll be in a nice companyâŠâ