Sitting in Silence
“Bye Fluttershy!” Sunset Shimmer waved to her yellow friend as she walked across the darkened gravel walkway. Fluttershy said nothing back, but she waved sheepishly, closing the door a few seconds later and taking what little light it offered with her.. The walkway crunched underneath Sunset’s boots as she made her way to her vehicle parked not twenty feet away.
Sunset pulled her car keys out of her pocket and hit the little button on the attached dongle to unlock it. Usually Sunset had a bad habit of not locking her car, but she had put the kibosh on that recently. The former-pony pulled the driver’s side door of the bright red vehicle open and got inside.
Before starting the vehicle or closing the door, Sunset got her phone out of her pocket and tossed it onto the seat next to her. She knew it was a taboo to use it while driving, but she at least liked to see it when someone sent a text or tried to call her. Also, it was a lot easier than pulling it out of her uncomfortably small pockets while driving in case of an emergency.
Closing her door and putting the key in the ignition brought Sunset to look at the console in the middle of the dashboard. It was missing something. It was missing her radio. She sighed and started the car, trying not to think about her own idiocy, but to no avail.
She had been dumb. She had been very very very dumb. Sunset had left her car unlocked when going shopping at the mall with the girls last week. When she inevitably went back to her vehicle after the hangout session was done, she had discovered that her precious radio had been ripped clean from the dash. No other things had gone missing, though. Mainly because Sunset tried not to keep valuables in her car.
Now, a week later, she still felt stupid. It had been painful to explain to her parents, as it earned her a scolding. It had been even more painful to tell her friends because they all gave her a look like she had showed up to school in nothing but her underwear. Sunset had tried to tell them that it wasn’t her fault, that no one had ever broken into her car before when she left it unlocked. They all still gave her very chastising looks.
Sunset turned the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. She reached over and closed the door with a slightly angry thud. It wasn’t easy to lose something that was going to cost her too much replace. She had even paid for that radio! It wasn’t one of the stock ones. It folded out and had a little remote and everything.
Sunset reached up to adjust her mirror for night driving, catching her own eyes in the reflection. Years later, heck almost a decade really, she still found herself looking strangely at the girl in the mirror. For a split-second there was always this question of ‘where’s my horn?’ that passed through her mind.
Sunset shook her head and finished adjusting the mirror. She didn’t have time to sit around, she had to get home before her parents got worried. She had already stayed out later than anticipated finishing up a school project with Fluttershy, and now she was zoning out.
Backing out of Fluttershy’s gravel driveway was a bit tricky at night. Being located so far from the city, there were no lights to illuminate it and not to mention it was quite winding. Sunset remembered every turn though, but that didn’t make her any less nervous while navigating it. One wrong turn or a turn to far and she would back into a tree or one of the runoff ditches near the road.
After a solid minute of taking it slow, Sunset had finally backed out of the treacherous driveway and was now on the one of the many county roads that dotted the countryside. She just had to stay on this road for about ten minutes and then she would be on the highway. From there it was a straight shot home.
Sunset glanced at the empty slot in her console as she drove down the road. She wanted so badly to turn on the radio and listen to something, but she couldn’t. It was pure torture. Once more, she grimaced at the empty slot and looked to the road in front of her. She had to get her mind off of the radio, it was just making her upset at this point.
Sunset let her eyes dart around the car for a half second, looking for something to occupy her mind. Nope, not a thing inside of the car. So instead, she turned her gaze outwards. The landscape outside was dark, the overcast sky not helping with the lack of streetlights this far out of town.
She could see a few lights in the distance scattered around a plot of land. Immediately she recognized it as Applejack’s farmhouse due to the proximity to Fluttershy’s house and the very distinctive silhouette of the country manor that it was given by the lights surrounding it.
At this time of night the Apples were probably fast asleep. Applejack said they always went to bed rather early in the night so they could get up early in the morning to get their respective chores done. ‘Early to bed, early to rise’ Applejack had always told their little circle of friends, and it was usually met with a smattering of disapproval.
“Not many morning people in the Rainbooms…” Sunset mused, a small smile playing across her face. It disappeared as she thought about what she said, she had called their group ‘The Rainbooms’.
It was the common name for their little circle of friends around school, sure. But to them it was just the name of their band, which had all but disbanded since the end of the Battle of the Bands. They had all agreed that it was probably for the best not to ‘pony up’ unless it was absolutely necessary. No matter how much Rainbow liked her wings or Rarity liked her ears and tail. That stuff was only for emergencies or research.
But what had they learned so far from it? Nothing. Well not really. They had been able to deduce that it only occurred when they were playing music, but that was obvious. Sunset had tried to tie the phenomenon back to what Princess Twilight had told her about the Elements of Harmony, but to no avail.
The best she could do was figure it had something to do with harmony, and even Pinkie Pie could’ve figured that out. It was right in the name! There was more too it, though.Sunset knew that much.
Part of her wanted to believe that she had brought the first inklings of this magic through the portal with her, that she had somehow been able to give power to her friends. Sunset knew better than that, though. It wasn’t her, it was never her. Twilight had brought the power of the elements along with her, she had been the one to bestow that power amongst her friend’s human counterparts. It was always Twilight.
Sunset found that she was gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn her knuckles bright white and leave her palms with a slight stinging sensation. She took a deep breath and relaxed her grip.
She still found herself tensing up or getting inwardly frustrated each time she thought of the purple pony princess. Even though they were supposed to be friends now, Sunset still harbored some resentment towards Twilight. Sunset knew why, too….it was because she was jealous.
It wasn’t supposed to be Twilight who was Princess! It wasn’t supposed to be Twilight who was the Element of Magic and personal student to Princess Celestia! It was supposed to be Sunset Shimmer. It was supposed to be her. Sunset had been the one to ruin all of that, though. She had convinced herself during the first few years in this world that it was Celestia’s fault for being stingy with knowledge, for trying to hold her back...but she knew better now.
Celestia had been trying to prevent this exact thing. She had been trying to prevent a student from going rogue and wreaking havoc. Sunset never thought about it that way until it was too late, though. Not until the portal had closed and she was left in this world alone with only her wits and ambition.
But hey, those had got her far in this world.. She had become the best student at Canterlot High, been at the top of the social food chain and even had the popular boy in school as her boyfriend.
“Squandered those too…” She spoke involuntarily and, if she was being honest, out of turn. She had tried to keep her more negative thoughts in the back of her mind and not let them form into speech. Every once in awhile, even moreso now that her mind seemed to wander without the radio. Each time she spoke, it was a little more sobering as well. It made her slow down and think about her actions.
She had squandered everything she had built for herself here. Sunset had single handedly destroyed her own life by doing the thing she always did; get greedy. She had always wanted more power, always wanted something more. The first time she had felt that, it had left her in this world. The second time left her sitting at the bottom of a crater, crying like a baby and begging for forgiveness. Sure, that had lead to her becoming friends with the very people that put her in that crater, but they were really good friends.
Sometimes.
Sometimes they were really good friends that supported her when she needed them most. Other times they reminded her about things she wished would stay buried. Other times they reminded her that she had been out to destroy this world. Other times they reminded her that she wasn’t from this world and didn’t belong here. Other times….other times they reminded her that the only reason they were even friends was because Twilight had told them to be.
They never did any of this through words, oh no. They would never hurt her on purpose. It was words and actions, tiny little things they did that let her know that deep down they were still afraid of her. They all looked worried when she smiled, they all slightly recoiled when she raised her voice...they all talked about Twilight so much…
It all left Sunset feeling very inadequate. She knew she wasn’t enough for them, nor would she ever be. She was always going to be the placeholder until Twilight came...just like she was with Celestia. The coincidental nature of their names hadnot made it past Sunset, not one bit. The thing that always came after sunset was the twilight, and nothing could ever change that.
Nothing.
She raised a hand to wipe away the tears she felt pooling in her eyes. She didn’t mean to cry, but it was just the weight of her thoughts all hitting her at once. The feeling of worthlessness, of inadequacy, they didn’t help.
Neither did the silence. It was the worst part. She couldn’t lose herself in the usual pop music haze that the radio provided, instead she was left alone with her thoughts. They bounced around her head and just got louder and louder each day. They piled on when she was alone, whether it be in the car or at home trying to sleep.
The guilt.
The overwhelming feeling of homesickness.
The urge to just take it all back, to wish it away.
They were all waiting for her. Waiting until she was alone to pounce and dig their claws into her good mood, mauling it until it was but a faint memory in the dense jungle of emotions. They were all too merciless, all too ready to tear her down when she was feeling good about herself.
A few times, she didn’t like to admit this, she had thought of just leaving. She had thought about going to Equestria or just leaving Canterlot. She could get into her car, or jump through the portal, and just disappear to a place where she wasn’t known. She could run away from all of this and start over again.
She could go back home to her real parents. Her pony parents.
She could leave and just be forgotten.
She could just pull the steering wheel.
She could let the car go into the ditch.
She could-
She couldn’t think like this anymore! She couldn’t handle the silence of the car, or the ever growing uproar that was her emotions. She needed something to get her mind off of this mess before it went farther.
Finally being fed up with her emotions, she reached over to the passenger seat and grabbed her phone. Sunset didn’t have a lot of music on her phone, and the speakers weren’t that good, but it was going to have to do.
Still keeping her eyes on the road and only momentarily glancing at the device to unlock it. She navigated her way to the music and started scrolling through her songs. Sunset didn’t really care what she listened to, as long as it got her mind off of her troubles.
Her troubles were just beginning, though. As she was just about to select a song and pull onto the highway, a pair of flashing red and blue lights appeared in her rearview mirror. The lights brought a feeling of dread into the pit of Sunset’s stomach. She had never been pulled over by a cop before, and certainly did not need it tonight.
Her stomach churned as she tried to think of what she had done wrong. Her signal was on. The headlights, both of them, were on their brights, she hadn’t been speeding. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks.
She had been using her phone.
Stupid! Of course that was it! She had been dumb enough to pick up her phone in a known trolling spot for quota-filling cops. Stupid! If she got a ticket, her parents might take the car away from her until she paid the ticket off. That was the last thing she needed.
The cop car’s siren started blaring and it pulled up right alongside of Sunset’s car. It didn’t stop there, though. It kept going. The black and white vehicle got onto the highway and sped away….without giving her a ticket.
For the first time in a very long time, Sunset Shimmer broke down into a blubbering mess. She laid her forehead on the steering wheel and let the tears flow freely from her bright blue eyes. She let all of the hurt, all of the stress, and all of the guilt come flowing out in one long fit.
And it was all because of her stupid radio.