The Mane Course
Heya Twilight,
I'm just sending this to you to invite you to a small get together! I have sent an invite to the other girls, so no need for you to do anything besides bringing yourself! Oh and Spike too!
-Professional Party Planner Pinkie Pie
"Sorta outta the blue, ain't it?" Applejack chuckled dryly to herself.
Twilight lowered the letter to see Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sitting in the library. They had all gathered there with invites of their own.
"It sure is," Twilight nodded as she folded the invite and placed it on the table. "I wonder what the special occasion is?"
"You know Pinkie, she'll find any reason to throw a party," Rainbow Dash sighed lightheartedly. "Remember the "Hey, I just found a bit!" party?"
"Yes, and it turned out it was just a small piece of bronze," she said with a sly smirk. They had been having fun for several hours until Twilight had examined the small coin to find out that it was nothing more than just a cheap bit of bronze.
"Yeah, but she decided t' keep the party goin' even after ya figured it out," the apple pony laughed. "Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she knew all along."
"As much as I enjoy dining with friends, Pinkie always seem to make treats that are extremely..." Rarity trailed off, looking at her flank.
"Fattening?" Twilight finished with a smile.
"Yes," she nodded in embarrassment. "It took me two weeks to work off her last party."
"Tell me about it. Last time we ate her food, I couldn't fly for a few days," the athletic pegasus sighed as she flapped her wings once, taking care not to fly off her chair.
"If Then why are you going?" Fluttershy asked.
"Because Pinkie asked me to go," she shrugged. "Besides, I didn't have any other plans for the day."
"What about you Spike?" Twilight asked, turning to the quiet dragon.
"Of course!" he nodded, smiling happily at the girls. "Pinkie always makes the best treats!"
"Then it’s settled," she nodded back at Spike, and then began smiling brazenly at the girls. "Shall we leave now?"
Spike and the girls nodded in unison and made their way out of the library, quickly making their way to Sugar Cube Corner,chatting away happily. Once they got there, Twilight promptly walked up to the door to knock on it. Just as her hoof met the wood of the door, it swung open to show Pinkie standing there with a strange look on her face.
"Is something wrong?" Fluttershy asked from behind Twilight.
"Nope, nothing’s wrong. Just figured that you would have given a better entrance," Pinkie said with a mix of curiosity and disappointment.
"Sorry, Pinkie. You know I don’t like to use my magic to get places unless it’s absolutely needed," Twilight said, wondering why Pinkie was expecting a grand entrance.
"You still could have come in with a little more pizazz!" she giggled, before cartwheeling inside. "Come on, the party is going to start soon!"
"What do you mean soon?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking around. "We’re all here."
"Of course you’re all here, I didn’t invite half of you! Do you know how weird it would be if the other half found out that I didn’t invite them?" Pinkie snorted from inside..
"I... guess that makes sense..." Rainbow Dash said confusedly, deciding it would be better if she didn't question Pinkie.
"So, what did you make?" Twilight asked, trying to smell the aroma that would usually be coming out of the kitchen by now, but there was no smell coming from anywhere.
"Well, I was going to suggest cupcakes, but I don't think the others would like that," she replied dismissively, keeping her broad smile plastered on her face.
"Others? How many others are you going to be baking for?"
"I’m not baking, silly. Didn't I mention that I'm not the one making the food in the letter?" Pinkie asked quietly as she scratched her chin. "I was pretty sure I did..."
"Oh?" Twilight asked, genuinely surprised by this. Usually Pinkie wants to be the one to prepare the treats, so she rarely lets anypony else do it. "If you're not the one making the food, then who is?"
As Twilight finished her question, some loud, but oddly exciting music started playing from outside. The girls turned to the door, and then to each other.
"What is that music?" Fluttershy asked.
"They're here!" Pinkie said excitedly. "Oh, I hope they show you guys how to make an impression!"
"Pinkie," Twilight sighed, growing annoyed that Pinkie hadn't answered her question, "Who is-"
The door suddenly shot off it's hinges and flew straight towards the girls. The girls shrieked and dove to the ground, allowing the door to pass smoothly over their heads. Twilight looked up to see an odd creature, balancing on one of it's hind legs, while the other hind leg was positioned parallel to the ground, making Twilight assume that it had kicked the door. For some odd reason dozens of doves were flying behind him, giving him a most god like appearance. This creature slowly lowered it's leg and walked up to Pinkie and held out one of it's forelegs to her. Twilight leaped to her hooves to go to her friends aid, but Pinkie simply giggled and bumped hooves with the odd creature.
"That's your friend?" Twilight asked nervously, still unsure of what to make of this creature that stood on two legs.
"Yup!" she said simply as she pointed towards the other room. "The kitchen is thataway, Muscles."
The creature nodded as it let out a soft grunt, and then disappeared into the other room.
"What is that thing?" Applejack asked quietly.
"Oh, him?" she giggled as she quickly placed the door back on it's hinges. "That was Muscles Glasses."
"Ah didn't ask who he was, Ah asked what he was."
"He's a human, silly."
"What in tarnation is a "human"?"
"He's like a monkey, except they're nice and they can talk!"
"If that's the case, than are you sure he is a so called human?" Rarity asked as she looked at the wall where the door had struck.
"What do you mean? Of course he is! If he isn't a human, then what is he?"
"I simply mean that kicking in the door didn't seem particularly nice, and he didn't seem to be one for conversation," she sighed.
"Oh that," Pinkie said with a soft laugh. "Muscles just doesn't like talking that much. And as for the door, well, they just like to make an entrance."
"They?" Twilight asked nervously.
Suddenly, the door flew off of it's hinges again, and the girls ducked again. This time the girls looked up in unison to see another human, this one with a mane that reached all the way under it's chin. His arms were draped over two other humans, who Twilight has assumed were human females.
"Sup, Pinkie," the human said with a nod. "We ready to feast up in this b*squawk*ch?"
"Like you wouldn't believe, Harley," she replied happily.
"Hope you don't mind, but I decided to bring a few ladies with me."
"Not at all. The more the merrier," she insisted with a nod. "Muscles is in the kitchen."
"Glad to hear it," He muttered. He turned to the small yellow pegasus and raised his brow. "The f*squawk*k you lookin at?"
"N-nothing," she stuttered, hiding behind her mane as it fell over her face.
"Did she just call me "nothing"?" Harley asked flatly.
The two girls that held Harley's arms released them as he twisted his hat backwards. He then rolled up his sleeves and started making his way to Fluttershy.
"Don't mind Fluttershy, she's just really nervous around new ponies," Pinkie said as she hopped between Harley and Fluttershy. "Especially since you aren't even a pony to begin with!"
"Ah. You didn't mention that you hung around with p*squawk*sies," he said, bursting out with laughter. Pinkie and the two girls soon began to laugh as well, while the others simply stared curiously at the human, noticing his eyes were extremely red.
"Have you had trouble sleeping lately?" Twilight asked.
"What'd the nerd say?"
"Harley, I thought you said you would be nice to my friends," Pinkie said with a small pout.
"Right, sorry 'bout that, nerd," Harley said sinerely, bowing his head to Twilight, then looked back up. "What'd you say?"
"I was just wondering if you have had a lack of sleep," she said, examining his eyes more thoroughly.
"You think when I have two fine ladies like these I have trouble sleeping?" Harley asked defensively, bringing the girls closer to him.
A grunt was heard from the other room, making Harley sigh as he made his way to the kitchen.
"You have a weird taste in friends, Pinkie," Rainbow Dash said as the door to the kitchen slammed shut. “They seem to be odd.”
"You guys aren't that odd," she giggled happily, hopping towards the kitchen. "Come on, they're really fun to watch."
"You want us to watch them cook?"
"Yeah, they love a good audience."
The girls shared a shrug before following Pinkie into the kitchen, where Harley and Muscles Glasses were already opening the oven to take something out. The girls sniffed the air, allowing the rich aroma to seep into their nostrils. Each of the girls began to smile as the smell of the dish sent waves of pleasure to their brains.
"That smells so awesome!" Rainbow Dash said, flying up to examine what they were making.
"Lay off the merchandise," Harley said, holding his arm up to tell Rainbow Dash to stop.
"But I just wanted to see what it was..."
"You want to see what it is? You can't handle what it is!" Harley snapped, pushing her away.
"I bet you I can!" she challenged.
Harley silently stared at Rainbow Dash for a brief moment. His eyes were cold and calculating, but after a few seconds, he laughed.
"Heh, has a fiery attitude, huh Pink?" he chuckled as he held out his fist. "I like that."
"Thanks," Rainbow Dash said as she bumped her hoof against his fist. "Y'know, maybe you guys aren't as bad as I thought."
"Glad to hear it," he nodded as he looked at Muscles Glasses.
"Y-your name is Harley, r-right?" Fluttershy asked.
"Ease up there, p*squawk*sy in hooves. We're not going to bite you," Harley said with a smirk, but it quickly faltered after a second as he glanced over to his friend. "Actually, Muscles Glasses might, but I won't."
"What?" she asked, turning to watch Muscles Glasses who simply stood still, face set like stone. Not wanting to find out if Harley was joking or not, she turned back to him and smiled weakly. "What are you two making, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Pinkie requested that we make a cake for you haters, so that's what we're going to make."
Muscles Glasses grunted as he reached for the red hot tray.
"Wait!" Twilight yelled, making Muscles hesitate.
"What’s wrong with her?" Harley smirked.
"Nothing is wrong with me, I just didn’t want to see him grab a hot tray out of the oven," she said slowly as she opened a drawer with her magic and brought out a pair of oven mitts for Muscles to use.
"Are you saying Muscles Glasses is a p* squawk*sy?" he asked curiously, causing Muscles to look up at her, frowning in ever-so-slight anger.
"What?" she asked in a voice that was a mixture of confusion and anger. "No, of course not, I was jus-"
"Real men don’t use those hand condoms," he said firmly and nodded to Muscles. Muscles returned the nod, walked up to Twilight and tore the oven mitts into several dozen pieces. "Real men go in dry."
Muscles Glasses returned to the oven and grabbed onto the tray, and without so much as making a sound, pulled it out and placed it on the table. Harley then grabbed the tray and flipped it over, allowing the cake to fall out. Harley then took a few minutes to spread some icing over the cake with a spoon. Once Harley was finished with that he handed the spoon over to Muscles Glasses, who promptly bit the top of the spoon off.
"Does this look good to you?" Harley asked quietly, looking at the small cake.
"I think it looks awesome!" Spike chipped up, mouth drooling from looking at the cake.
"I actually have to agree, it looks simply divine," Rarity nodded in agreement.
Harley looked to Muscles Glasses and raised a brow. Muscles Glasses grunted, causing the girls to look confusedly at each other.
"Muscles Glasses wants to know what kind of a little b*squawk*ch you take him for!" Harley snapped, causing Rarity to take a step back.
"What's wrong?" Rarity asked appallingly.
"Muscles Glasses finds the fact that you think we're done offensive, dog! More icing!" Harley said angrily as he grabbed the large bag of icing. Before the girls could say anything, he tore it open and began to smear icing over it. "Does it look like we're finished now?"
"I thi-"
"Wrong. We're not done," he laughed maniacally. He turned to Muscles Glasses and held out his hand. Muscles Glasses reached behind his back and pulled out a large, glass bottle and handed it to Harley. "We're about to liquor this b*squawk*ch up, canuck style."
"What is that?" Twilight asked curiously as she tried to focus on the container of amber liquid.
"It's Dack Janiels, mother f*squack*ker!" he said as he tore the top off of the bottle and began to pour it on the treat. "Wachu know about Dack Janiels?"
"I don't know a lot about it considering this is the first time I've seen it..."
"We like to call it the sauce," Harley said as he began to smell the mouth of the bottle. He let out a small shiver of delight before adorning a large grin. "Do you know what that makes me?"
"No, what does it-"
"It makes me the f*squawk*king sauce boss!" Harley snapped as he resumed pouring the liquid. "And you don't f*squawk*king question the mother f*squawk*king sauce boss!"
Harley continued pouring, the stream of liquid seemingly unable to come to a stop. After two minutes of pouring, which Twilight found impossible due to the size of the bottle, Harley tossed the bottle to Muscles Glasses, who downed the rest of the alcohol in a matter of seconds.
"Look at all this food!" Harley shouted, causing the girls to flinch once more. "I bet you just want to lick it, don't you?"
"Well n-"
"TOO F*squack*ING, BAD BECAUSE WE'RE NOT DONE YET!" he screamed as Muscles Glasses threw another bottle of Jack Daniels to Harley. "MORE DACK JANIELS!"
The girls stared at the tall cake, which now had a brown sheen to it due to it being drenched in sauce. Harley stopped pouring on the Jack Daniels and began to look at the cake. With a smile he tossed the bottle of Jack to Muscles Glasses, who quickly downed the remainder of the liquid before smashing the bottle over his head.
"Looking f*squawk*king good now, isn't it?"
"Yes, but I am willing to bet that you are not yet done," Rarity said.
"Now you're getting it," he chuckled as he pulled out a large ziploc bag out of his pants. "Now, on account of you p*squawk*sies not eating meat, we have to go old school."
"What's in the bag?" Rainbow Dash asked as she saw strips of rainbow colored candy.
"Gay bacon strips, son." Harley said as he ripped the top of the ziploc bag off. "Bet you know a lot about that gay s*squawk*t, don't you?"
"Wha-"
"Gay bacon strips," Harley announced as he placed one of the strips on the cake. "More gay bacon strips. More gay bacon strips. More gay bacon strips. More gay bacon strips. And to top it all off, we'll add some more gay bacon strips."
"So are you done?" Spike asked as he observed the cake. It was nearly over a meter tall, and the candy strips stuck to the cake as if they were glued there due to the amount of icing that was covering it. The Jack Daniels gave the cake a strong aroma that filled the room, but it was not too strong. It smelled like just the right amount.
Harley looked over to Muscles Glasses and they shared a nod.
"Yeah, the cake is done," Harley nodded slowly, before tossing the bottle of Jacks to Pinkie Pie. "But the party has yet to f*squawk*ing start!"
Pinkie reached for the cupboard and pulled out Vinyl Scratch out from under it. Vinyl Scratch nodded at Muscles Glasses, before pulling out a large table with two record on either side. She flipped a switch and music started to blare through Sugar Cube Corner. Harley laid down several shot glasses and Pinkie began to pour Jack Daniels in each one.
"Well? What are you chumps waiting for?" he asked as he spread his arms by his side. "Drink up."
Everybody in the room grabbed a shot glass, but Pinkie, Vinyl, Harley and Muscles Glasses were the only ones to drink it instantly.
"Drink!" Harley yelled as Muscles Glasses smashed the shot glass on his head.
Spike and the girls quickly drank the liquid, not wanting to anger Harley any further. They all instantly grunted, feeling the kick of the liquor take effect instantly.
"Wow, that stuff is better than your family's hard cider, huh Applejack?" Rainbow Dash asked with a cringe, managing a feeble smile as she fought back the urge to gag.
"It's pretty strong, ah'll give ya that," Applejack nodded in agreement, also having difficulty keeping it down.
"It's time to eat this b*squawk*ch," Harley nodded to Muscles Glasses.
Instantly, Muscles Glassed pulled out a katana and quickly cut the large cake up into several large chunks. He then threw the sword in the air and it stuck into the ceiling. Muscles Glasses reached over to one of the larger slices and began to shove it in his face, gnawing wildly. Pinkie was the next to grab a slice and she ate it in one bite, causing Muscles Glasses to adopt a small smile before bumping her hoof with his clenched fist.
"Are you p*squawk*sies just going to stand around, or are you going to eat?" Harley barked as he grabbed a slice and took a large bite out of it.
Rainbow Dash shrugged, grabbed a slice of cake and began to eat it. The other girls watched as she slowed the pace at which she chewed. She then began to shake.
"Rainbow Dash, are you alright?" Rarity asked, growing worried for her friend who appeared to be having seizure.
"This... is... amazing..." she said breathlessly before quickly devouring the piece and letting out a large belch. "Can I have more?"
"I knew I was right to like you," Harley said, tossing her another piece with his bare hands.
"You have to try this!" she said to her friends as she began to eat the next piece.
Applejack and Rarity shrugged, and then both grabbed a piece. Fluttershy went after them and took one of the smaller pieces, causing Muscles Glasses to throw a second piece on top of that.
"Muscles Glasses finds it rude that you would take the smallest piece," Harley said quietly as Fluttershy opened her mouth to ask him why he placed the second piece there.
"O-oh. Alright," she said softly. She took a few steps back and began nibbling on the cake. She gasped and began to take larger, but still relatively small bites.
Rarity and Applejack quickly began to eat theirs as Spike reached for a piece of his own. Twilight stood behind them, eyeing the food warily. Why were these humans so interested in having them eat their food? Was it poisoned? Why were the others eating the food as if it was their last meal? It couldn't be that good, could it?
"C'mon Twi, don't be a hater," Rainbow Dash chuckled as she finished the second piece.
"Yeah, don't be a hater, hater," Harley said, offended that she had not yet partaken in such an eloquent treat.
"Yeah Twi, ya really should stop bein' a hater," Applejack grunted, slamming her hoof on the table. She held up the small shot glass to Harley and he poured Jack Daniels in it until it was overflowing.
"Twilight, is it okay if I tell you to stop being a hater?" Fluttershy asked quietly. "Sorry, I just mean that if it was alright with you. They did make this for us, and it would be rude not to have any."
Muscles Glasses let out a grunt, grabbed another slice and held it in front of Twilight. Twilight grabbed the dripping slice out of his hands, and stared at it intently.
"Just get it over with, hater," Spike said as he finished his slice.
Twilight sighed, knowing they would keep pestering her, before taking a small bite out of the cake. As soon as one of the crumbs touched her tongue, she shivered in delight, feeling a smooth sensation course throughout her body.
"Are you getting that feeling too?" Rainbow Dash asked happily.
"Yes, I am," she said, barely managing to talk due to her shoving the rest of the slice into her mouth. "What is it? Am I intoxicated?"
"Naw, that's just the feeling we always get when we eat the good s*squawk*t." Harley said, breathing deeply through his nostrils. "It's the feeling of epicness."
Nearly two hours had passed and the cake was completely gone, as were several bottles of Jack Daniels. Somehow, several more women had gotten into Sugar Cube Corner and they were all laying naked next to Muscles Glasses, who had nearly a dozen bottles of Jacks coursing through his veins.
"That was marvelous," Rarity said as she laid on her back, not caring about how dirty the floor was or how messy it would make her mane.
"Glad you liked it," Pinkie said as she hopped to her feet.
"Well, I guess we should be heading back to Canada now," Harley sighed as he got to his feet.
"Do you have to go so soon?" Twilight asked hastily, wanting to make them stay so she could have more of their breathtaking food. "I could talk to Princess Celestia and see what she could do about giving you guys a place to stay for the next few nights. I'm sure she would love it if you guys cooked for her. She really loves rich flavored food, especially cake."
"Nah, we should probably be checking back on the others. Besides, Muscles Glasses needs his beauty sleep, ain't that right champ?" Harley asked, patting Muscles Glasses on his shoulder.
Muscles Glasses nodded in agreement as he got to his feet and made his way over to the girls, who had now collected by the door to see the humans off.
"Will you guys visit again?" Pinkie asked with a smile as Harley opened the door.
"I'll see what I can do," he smiled as Muscles Glasses put his arm around Rainbow Dash. "And next time we taste the Rainbow."