The Easiest Job
The inner hive was reserved for hatchlings and nurses. The air was warm and humid but fresh, constantly being fanned around the room by hundreds of buzzing wings, in through the porous black walls and out through the many natural chimneys of the cave.
It was not long ago that I lived here. I still remember the little mucus-lined cell where I slept. Now it was occupied with another shiny black hatchling. She looked exactly like me, and exactly like the one in the cell to her left, and the one to her right, and below and above her…
I wasn’t used to my rigid carapace yet. The slime and humidity of this place used to keep my shell flexible. Now I could not shake the feeling that I was trapped. Scratching a phantom itch and hearing my hoof grating against a hard shell, or getting things caught in between the laminar plates that covered my belly; everything about my body was strange.
“It’s good to see you, my dear daughter.”
The voice existed only in my head, yet I immediately turned to face the speaker.
She was lying on top of a giant green sac of slime, one hole-covered forehoof crossed over the other. Her eyes were half-closed, her motherly smile barely masking a cold, calculating nature.
I bowed where I stood. She rolled her eyes.
“You don’t have to do that, my daughter,” she said, out loud as well as in my mind. “I have to see hundreds of you every day, and you always try to do that. It’s tiresome to watch and also bad for your neck.
“Now, I have reports from the Crystal Empire that Princess Cadence’s child was born yesterday.”
I blinked in surprise.
“Yes, I have a spy in the Crystal Empire,” she said, waving one giant hoof in a dismissive gesture. “Or rather, I had one until she came back this morning. It’s hard to keep anyone there for very long. Cadence is still paranoid about us after the wedding in Canterlot.”
“The…”
“That was before your time, darling,” she said. “Anyway, I want you to bring me that child.”
I took a step back, my wings flaring involuntarily.
“Not the Crystal Empire,” I finally managed to say.
“Why not?” Her voice was smooth and dangerous. It was impossible to tell if she was angry or amused.
“It’s…” I shook my head to clear my mind. “I will do anything for you, my queen. Of course! I will go immediately!”
“No,” she said. Her voice echoed around the inside of my head. The nurses around me did not seem to notice anything as they went about their business. “What troubles you, my daughter? The Crystal Empire is a beautiful city filled with love. It’ll be the greatest feast of your life. Plus there are lots of ponies; you can get away with the most careless disguise.”
“But what about Princess Cadence?” I asked, lowering by head respectfully and trying not to shake.
“She’ll be much too busy attending to the foal to notice you,” she said. She put a hoof to her chin and scrunched her brow for a second. Slowly a devious smile crept onto her face. “I suggest you disguise yourself as one of the palace nurses. Once they leave you alone, sedate the foal and replace it with a decoy. The illusion lasts about a month. That’s way more than enough time for you to get back here with the foal.”
I nodded quickly and tried to retreat, but she was not finished.
“I’m counting on you,” she said. “They likely won’t realize you’re there, but once they do, we can’t exactly send help.” Her green eyes softened. It was the first time she had looked at me that way. “Take care of yourself out there.”
#
The first part of my journey was straightforward. Four of my sisters accompanied me to the nearest town with a train station, all of us disguised as earth ponies. Wearing a disguise still felt strange to me. My skin, my eyes, my mouth; none of it was mine. The sensations on my skin, the colors I saw, it all seemed utterly impossible. I would rather have my shell back.
And talking. It was painfully slow and unclear, but Mother insisted on it. A group of mares who traveled together but never spoke would surely draw attention.
They rode the train with me for two days, all the way to the transfer at Dodge Junction. We ate food just like real ponies and pretended to sleep. They taught me what tastes “good” and what tastes “bad”, and I did my best to memorize the lists.
Asparagus is an acquired taste; you’ll need an excuse to like it.
Then I was on my own. My sisters were needed back at the hive.
I was not tired when the train pulled into the station in the Crystal Empire, but I was anxious. From a distance the sparkling city seemed to me a perversion of a changeling hive. It made no light of its own, and the glare of the sun across its billions of facets stung my eyes. And as I followed the flow of travelers off the platform the impression was further cemented. The streets were absurdly wide and open, the air so cool and dry that I had to cover my nose at first.
The gigantic crystals that made up the buildings only reminded me of the strangeness of my predicament. From every shining surface the chestnut mare looked back at me with bright green eyes, her mouth slightly open, always surprised. Her curly black mane grew more disheveled each time she appeared.
The palace with its gigantic tower was easy enough to find, though the walk was much longer than I expected. Eventually the streets ended in the central square. The palace loomed overhead, its translucent walls blending into the sky. From this close it looked infinitely tall. I had to sit down and close my eyes for a moment to fight the wave of vertigo.
If there was an upside to all this, it was the food, plentiful as mother promised. I sat on the bench with my eyes closed, absorbing love out of the air. My magic grew stronger than I’d ever dared to dream…
“Miss, are you alright?”
I snapped out of my trance, jumping straight up. The ponies closest to me backed away. A small crowd had circled my bench.
My whole body was glowing with my green aura.
“I’m fine,” I said shakily.
“Are you sick?” Asked a light blue filly.
“No! No… I’m… perfectly… fine…” I looked around desperately. Doubtful eyes stared back from every direction. Other ponies were starting to notice.
I reached out; I screamed for help with my mind. But being too far from the hive to ask my sisters, my mind was truly my own for the first time in my life. In that moment I learned something important about myself.
I didn't work well under pressure.
In a flash I released my disguise. My wings reappeared buzzing at full speed. I flew straight up as fast as I could, putting on a new disguise as I went. I tumbled through the first open window I saw. There was a thick red rug on the perfectly polished floor. I landed on it at full speed, skidding to the other end of the room and into a pair of guards, and learning something else in the process.
I was lucky.
I had little time to collect my thoughts. I was in the palace, but the commotion of my entry had attracted other guards. I could hear horseshoes down the hall.
The disguise that I had put on hastily was frightening even to me: two eyes of different colors and size; a clown's mane; a donkey's nose. I discarded it immediately.
The two I had crashed into were knocked out cold. I quickly stripped the crystalline armor off the blue stallion and made an uncomfortably thorough assessment. Confident that I could copy his appearance to a T, I moved them both into a corner. The room appeared to be an unused parlor. There were plenty of tarps and boxes lying around. I piled cabinets around the stallions to mask their shape and threw a tarp over them. I got into the oversized armor and took the form of its previous owner seconds before the door opened.
A crystal pony entered, and I nearly laughed. He was wearing the same armor as the others for the most part, but his hat feathers nearly brushing the ceiling. He looked like a large grumpy peacock.
“What was that sound?” He asked. “And where is Sapphire Blue?”
“It… it was a big bird, sir!” I said, realizing too late that I had no idea how my voice should sound. Fortunately the stallion didn’t seem to notice. “It came through the window. We only just managed to catch it. It didn't do any damage. Sapphire Blue is taking it outside.”
The stallion leaned in and scrutinized my features with his eyes narrowed. His breath smelled strongly of tobacco, and he was missing a tooth. I briefly considered subduing him and taking his form instead, but he looked much too ridiculous.
“Sir, is something wrong?” I leaned back and tried to smile.
He sighed and stepped back.
“I’ll be frank with you, Jan. Work’s been a lot tougher ever since Princess Cadence had the baby, and it won’t get easier anytime soon. That bird you were talking about, look into it. Make sure it’s just a bird. Strange things happen when royalty’s involved.”
“Yes sir,” I said.
“As you were,” he said. He left the room with a slightly less agitated air, the long feather on his head bounced with each step.
I waited a long time before dropping the disguise. I rolled onto my back laughing.
Before leaving the room I went to the real guards and sedated them properly. The crunch of their skin under my fangs was incredibly unpleasant, and the bite left my mouth coated with spicules, but I felt safer afterwards. When they came about in two days I would be long gone.
I would need a better disguise soon, but for the moment “Jan” would work just fine. I resolved to take the form of the first mare I ran into.
The halls were empty. Though there were no real windows, translucent patches of wall provided enough light. I went downstairs as soon as I found a staircase, always listening for the sound of hooves. The castle seemed understaffed, or perhaps I was too used to the coziness of the hive.
On the next floor down I found promising signs. Sweet scents and warm air filled the hall. I was close to the kitchen.
“… Put some honey in that. It usually calms her down.”
“What honey? Alfalfa? Wildflower?”
“It doesn’t matter. I need to get back to the baby.”
My ears perked up at the mention of a baby. The voices were coming from a room just down the hall. There was no one else around.
“You’re acting like it’s your baby or something.”
“She is the firstborn of the royal family, Custard.”
I couldn’t believe my luck. Stepping into the centre of the hall, I marched to the kitchen in military strides.
She was a mare of a similar build to myself, with a pale yellow coat and blue eyes. Her long white mane was woven into one long braid, glistening like diamonds.
“Chatoyance?” She said, coming to the door. “Is something wrong?”
“I have a message for you,” I said. When she didn’t move, I added, “from Princess Cadence. Come with me.”
She exchanged a worried look with the cook, and then followed me down the hall. I led her almost to the end of the curved hallway.
“What is it?” She asked, pulling on my tail.
“Where is the baby?” I asked. My mind was racing to find some justification for my questions. “You said you left her alone. Where is she?”
Relief washed over the mare.
“She’s still in the main nursery,” she said. “I didn’t leave her alone, sir. What kind of nurse would I be then? My assistants are watching her. Now, what is that message?”
I took off my helmet. It made the next part easier.
Her eyes widened in horror as the body of Chatoyance burned away in green fire. I grabbed her and bit down before she could make a noise. She fell limp into her own hooves.
I left her in a broom closet along with the armor, feeling rather proud of myself. Mother was right. It was an easy job.
The cook gave be a baby bottle filled with a pale orange liquid. I wandered down the hall for a few minutes, until I encountered some guards. I needed only to tell them that I was lost to get directions to the nursery.
Going down two floors, I ended up in a much busier hallway. Mostly there were servants and guards, but they paid me no mind. As I neared the nursery a few ponies greeted me in passing. Everything was going perfectly.
The nursery was a rather large room for just one foal, though it looked like it was set up for a few dozen. There were stacks of ornate cribs all over the room, most of them with colorful ribbons still attached. Two younger mares with frizzy manes and bloodshot eyes were lying beside a large white crib growing out of the floor.
“Thanks for all your help,” she said to her assistants. “You two look exhausted. Go get some rest. I’ll stay here.”
They thanked me and slunk off, already asleep I suspected.
The padded door closed quietly, and I was alone with the baby.
She was swaddled in a blue fleece blanket; a pale pink unicorn with a purple and blue mane. I picked her up gently and looked towards the window. It was still early in the afternoon. I could catch a train home that very night.
“Gah?”
I nearly dropped the baby. She had woken up and was squirming to get out of my grasp. I leaned in to bite her…
“Na!”
There was a bright flash, and I found myself sitting on the other side of the room. Nothing hurt, and I had no idea how I got there. I tried to stand up, but by hooves wouldn’t move.
I had no hooves.
Oh no. Nonononono!
The stallion disguise was nothing compared to the form I took now. Somehow I could see myself from the front, like my eyes were hovering in midair.
I was a white changing table with a bright purple cushion.
My mind raced. I tried to drop my disguise, but nothing happened. I cried out with my voice and my mind, and both to no avail.
Suddenly I became aware of frantic voices outside. Hooves raced down the hall.
The doors burst open, and ponies flooded in. At the front was a very tall pink mare; an alicorn.
Princess Cadence.
A white stallion with a scraggly beard was beside her, looking just as terrified. Then came the nurse, the pony with the peacock hat, and a whole company of guards.
“Oh thank goodness!” Princess Cadence gasped.
With her magic she lifted the baby out of the crib. The blanket fell off.
I would have gasped if I had a mouth.
Two gigantic wings unfolded from the baby’s back. She giggled and reached for her mother, who pulled her close and kissed her forehead.
“It was a changeling?” Cadence asked the nurse.
“I’d know a changeling anywhere,” she said, mashing her hooves together. “I don’t know how it got in here, but it’s probably still around.”
“Sweep the castle,” the white unicorn ordered. “Find the real Chatoyance and make sure he’s alright.”
As the peacock pony hastened out of the room Cadence lifted her head. Her horn glowed bright. I braced myself for the end.
I just wished I could cry.
I felt nothing as the barrier spell passed through me. I was still in the room, unable to move.
“That should reveal any changelings,” she said. “Have guards posted outside this door, and check on them regularly. We’re dealing with a very sly changeling.”
I watched her leave with the baby in tow. The unicorn looked around the room with a sense of unease, his eyes passing over me. Then he was gone too.
The grimness of my predicament sank in slowly over the hours. I was alone, completely helpless with no hope of ever being found. I was a changing table.
I screamed and screamed as the light left the room. It was all I could do, and I did it tirelessly. Mine was a fate worse than death.
I wished someone would talk to me.
#
I had watched the goings on in the nursery for four days. I had seen all the princesses of Equestria, and many, many guests. I saw Twilight Sparkle and her friends. I saw a short blizzard outside the window.
I heard a voice.
“What happened to you?”
“My sister?”
I dared not believe it. It was too good to be true. There, bobbing up and down at the window, was a glistening black face.
“Help me!”
“Alright. Hold on.”
Her horn lit up. I pounced like a spring as soon as my legs were restored and threw the window wide open.
“Get me out of here!” I screamed with tears in my eyes. “Hurry! Before they come back!”
“Did you get the…”
“The baby is an alicorn!” I yelled as I flew towards the edge of the city. Towards freedom. “Her magic is out of control! We can’t contain her!”
My sister was sympathetic. Over the next week we flew back to the hive. Mother had us go directly to the inner hive. I cried inconsolably as we descended through the winding passages despite my sisters’ kind words.
The door opened, and immediately I was lifted up. It was mother.
“Thank goodness,” she sobbed. Her hoof rattled musically across the back of my head. “You’re safe now, my daughter. You’re home.”