Spike is in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. He keeps on stumbling across everypony during their most embarrassing moments. Is it by pure chance, or is he up to something?
Spike repeatedly stumbles upon everypony during their most embarrassing moments. Again and again, both through pure curiosity and a seemingly unknown force.
It was a quiet, lazy morning. Spike had awoken early to do some cleaning around the castle, and he couldn't exactly put a claw on why he felt like it, but he had just decided on being extra nice on this particular day. He dusted in every nook and cranny, cleaned in every trough and crevice, and even tidied up some of the multitudes of books that were laying around in various spots. Twilight had left to go run some errands in Ponyville, but she would probably be back soon and be so genuinely surprised at how pristine the castle was when she got back. Spike smiled at the thought as he went into Twilight's room to do the last bit of cleaning. The thought of her being so happy from his display of gratitude warmed his heart.
Inside the room, he noticed that the bed sheets were not dangling all the way to the floor in one spot. Concealed slightly behind them, Spike could see a small pile of papers that were suspiciously peeking out from underneath the bed. He thought for a moment if he should leave them alone and ignore it, but decided he'd just let down the sheets and push them out of view without taking a peek. It was, after all, not his business to be snooping around Twilight's personal belongings. But she would appreciate the gesture of him tidying up the place, right? Right, he reasoned to himself.
But he still felt a slight twinge, so he took a brief glance over his shoulder, keeping an eye out for anypony who might be watching him just in case, and walked over to the edge of the bed. Okay, don't look at the writing, he thought to himself. Dont. Look. He readied his foot to brush the papers underneath the bed, but in a moment of weakness, he had caught a brief glance at the underlined title at the top of one of the pages. Drat, I'm looking. Might as well look a little more...
A Forbidden Pony Romance
By Twilight Sparkle
Spikes eyes widened as he stared intently at the pages laying beneath him, his foot frozen in place instead of pushing the pages beneath the bed frame. Was this what he thought it was? A romance novel, written by Twilight? It was obviously supposed to be a secret, not intended for anypony to know, but Spike's curiosity burned with flaring intensity after a few guilty glances at some of the writing on the first page. With every passing moment, his curiosity further surpassed his desire to honor Twilight's privacy. He read each line faster and faster, eyes widening at the pure unadulterated sophistication and mature themes already present in just the opening paragraphs of Twilight's secret novel. He just couldn't stop himself from reading further.
Time passed slowly as he continued reading through the pages, his attention becoming more and more focused on the juicy secrets of Twilight's inner thoughts laid out in a compelling fictional story. A fair amount of time passed, until he heard the terrifying sounds of hooves trotting along the crystal floors of the castle. A sudden shiver shot up through his spine and with an instinctive reflex of terror, Spike kicked the pages underneath the bed, flipped around and hurriedly scuffled towards the door, but as he came into the doorway, he was stopped by Twilight Sparkle, directly in front of him. He looked up at her with a face of pure shock.
"Hey, Spike," Twilight said without a hint of any particular emotion.
"Hi, T-Twilight," Spike replied, stuttering a bit saying her name. Crap, he thought.
Twilight could tell when Spike was hiding something from a mile away, and she gave him a stern glance. "Alright, spit it out, whatever it is..."
I'm dead, he thought. He put up his claw in a manner to explain himself and rationalize his mistake as delicately as possible, but as he did, Twilight noticed some of the papers underneath the bed behind him, and a look of embarrassment flushed across her face.
"Did you..." she trailed off suddenly.
"Did I what?" he asked, knowing exactly what she meant.
"Did you...read..."
She's going to kill me. "...well...I..."
"You were reading my..."
Spike panicked and began to rationalize the situation. "It was an accident! I was cleaning the castle and I was just tidying up your room and I saw the papers so I decided to just brush them under the bed but then I saw the title and--"
"So you decided to keep reading?" Twilight's embarrassment faded and morphed into anger.
Yep, now I'm dead. "I couldn't help it! It was just so..."
"Don't even bother finishing that sentence," Twilight cut him off. "I can't believe you read my..." She was between a mixture of embarrassment and anger and it was like her emotions were teetering back and forth like a seesaw.
"Romance novel?" Spike finished her sentence, and Twilight grimaced at the words.
That was a mistake...Maybe I can remedy this, Spike thought hopefully. "Well, the writing was really nice," he complimented Twilight, "I especially like how you described the opening kiss--"
"HOW FAR DID YOU READ?"
Well, that didn't work. "Just through chapter three, I think..."
Twilight's face was starting to turn white.
"Oh, actually I think I read through chapter four," he added. "The part where the mare and the stallion end up alone in the--"
"Oh...no...." Twilight gasped. "You didn't read...much further than that, did you?"
I did, Spike thought. "...it's...possible..."
Twilight's face was a mixture of pure concentration. It was as if she was deciding whether to kill him right there on the spot, or exact revenge at a later point in time. Spike looked up at her blank expression in a terrific anticipation until suddenly, her eyebrows slanted downwards and she gave him the most terrifying gaze he had ever seen on her face, her eyes shooting daggers directly at him.
Twilight dragged her front hoof at the floor beneath her and snorted aggressively through her nostrils. She was going to charge at him. Twilight...is going to charge me...I'm definitely dead.
In a split second, Spike scampered around Twilight in a desperate escape maneuver, his claws awkwardly scraping against the crystal floors like an animal as he slowly accelerated out of the entry and took off down the hallway. Twilight was too slow to turn around and catch him, surprised by the dragon's innate speed, but she was still furious, mostly out of sheer embarrassment. In the few moments it took Spike to bolt off in a panic, Twilight's anger had mostly subdued.
Spike, however, did not stop running. He blasted through the hallway and out of the door into Ponyville, not taking a single moment to look back, assuming Twilight was hot on his heels with intent to maim. He didn't stop running until he had reached the Everfree Forest.
Still struggling to regain his breath from the full-on sprint through Ponyville and into the Everfree forest, Spike huffed as he walked along the well-trodden path surrounded by the green trees and foliage of the calm part of the forest. He looked behind him expecting to see a furious Twilight Sparkle still ready to tackle him in a moment's notice, but she never did.
After a few minutes of walking and calming down, Spike could finally regain his composure, but as soon as he did, he heard a noise from afar behind him and some rustling. Assuming it was Twilight, he immediately took off in a sprint in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, the sounds of faint snickering could be heard from the bush.
In his sprint through the forest, he continued to hear rustling from several points all around him at different times. It was as if somepony was chasing after him, but he couldn't see or hear them in the slightest.
Spike found himself in a part of the forest a ways off from the path. It was a small grassy meadow filled with a few trees and boulders, but something colorful caught his eye. It was a checkered red and white blanket laid out in a particularly secluded area of the meadow, and he heard a familiar voice come from that direction. Better not stick around here, he thought to himself. He wasn't going to let his curiosity get the better of him this time.
Turning around and taking a step in the opposite direction, his foot snapped a twig. He heard a small gasp from where the picnic blanket rest and then the sound of something taking to the skies. In what seemed like only a fraction of a second, Spike had found himself pinned to the ground by two powerful, cyan wings that belonged to none other than Rainbow Dash.
"What do you think you're doing here?"
"I was just going for a walk..." he said, still pinned to the ground and unable to look back up at her.
"Were you now? This isn't exactly a place most ponies would go for a walk. What's your angle?" she replied.
Why was Rainbow Dash being so defensive? All he had done was stumble upon her in the forest with a picnic blanket and...
"Were you having a picnic?" Spike asked her.
"NO," she replied defensively. "Why would an awesome pony like me be having a secret picnic in the forest?"
Before Spike could answer her rhetorial question, Tank the tortoise slowly pushed his head against Rainbow Dash from behind, his head slowly protruding from his body with a soft thud against Dash's flank.
"You were having a picnic with Tank?"
"No, we were just--"
"Wait, are those tea cups?"
"NO, they're--"
"You were having a tea party?"
"No," Dash replied instantly, "well...I mean, we were drinking tea...but that doesn't mean it was a tea party." Dash crossed her hooves.
"Sounds awfully like a tea party to me," Spike couldn't help but reply.
"It was NOT a tea party!" she yelled, but then immediately covered her mouth with a hoof.
Sheesh, Rainbow Dash can sure be terrifying when her reputation is on the line... Spike decided not to prod her any further.
"Listen squirt," Rainbow Dash suddenly mellowed. "If you tell anypony about this, you can be sure that everypony will know about your little secret with Rarity."
"Meh," Spike replied, "everypony knows anyways."
"Not that secret," Rainbow Dash replied with a sly smirk.
Did she...no she couldn't. Could she?
As if reading his thoughts, Dash replied, "Yes, I know about your little shrine and that plushie doll of yours. And you can be sure that if you tell anypony that I like to have...tea parties," Rainbow Dash grimaced at the words, "then I'll spill the beans on your little secret as well. Got it?"
"Absolutely," Spike replied, "so...can I get up now?"
Rainbow Dash released her pin on Spike and allowed him to return to his feet. "Remember...tell anypony, and you can bet everypony in town will know by the end of the day."
"Sure thing," replied, dusting himself off with his claws. He promptly left the meadow and Rainbow Dash behind, snickering inwardly to himself at the thought of the awesome and tough pony having a tea party with a tortoise in the middle of a grassy meadow.
A couple of minutes later, he found his way back to the forest trail and began his way back to the entrance, but something caught his eye on the way. A pony in a large dark cloak was trotting daintily through the forest. What is going on with me today? Spike had just been seeing all sorts of interesting things today. Might as well check this out too... Besides, maybe somepony was up to no good in the Everfree forest. Maybe he would be the hero of the day for once.
Following the mysterious pony for several minutes, they finally stopped near some blue flowers. Spike recognized the blue flowers from when he and his friends had been struck by the hilarious ailments that they gave them. Why was this pony getting near these flowers? Nonetheless, he watched the pony from afar gather a few petals from one of the flowers and stuff them in a pocket in their cloak. Immediately, the pony turned around and headed back towards the edge of the forest towards ponyville.
What in the name of Celestia is going on? Spike thought as he trailed far behind the pony, following them back into the town.
It wasn't long until Spike found himself back in Ponyville, still trailing behind the mysterious pony who had taken some of the blue flowers deep within the forest. Didn't they know those flowers caused mildly annoying ailments? What had Zecora said it was called? Poison Joke? Yes, that was it. When they had come into contact with it, everypony had laughable results including Twilight's floppy horn, Rainbow Dash's inability to fly straight, Applejack shrinking to miniature size, Rarity's mane becoming frizzled and like a mop, Pinkie Pie talking like a buffoon and Fluttershy's voice becoming incredibly deep.
He spent a minute or so pondering this and who it may be as he followed surreptitiously behind the mystery pony, but the answer quickly became clear when the pony quietly snuck into her small, quaint cottage. It's Fluttershy? Spike thought to himself. Now his curiosity burned intensely, but he wasn't going to resort to breaking and entering somepony's home. After a minute or so and with a sigh, he turned around and headed back towards the castle, but as soon as he did so, the door to the cottage opened back up and somepony he didn't recognize came out.
They were wearing a hoofball helmet and their face was painted two colors, one on each side splitting their face vertically down the middle. The pony was yellow, but their tail was a more reddish color and their cutie mark seemed to resemble three hoofballs. But there was something odd about the pony that Spike observed. From first glance, they looked like a smaller stallion, but as he followed the pony as they left Fluttershy's cottage, he noticed that they trotted rather daintily. Where were they going? Judging by the hoofball helmet, Spike presumed they were a fan going to watch the hoofball game that afternoon.
A couple minutes later of sleuthing and sneaking around, tailing this mysterious pony, they had indeed arrived at the hoofball field where the ponies were stretching and practicing getting ready for the game to begin. The pony he had been following took their seat near the top of the stands, away from everypony else. Spike decided his best vantage point would be underneath the stands just a couple yards away beneath them.
What am I doing? Spike thought to himself. Here he was, spying on somepony he didn't even knew. But, he did know them. Why had they entered and left from Fluttershy's cottage? But, Fluttershy wasn't an avid hoofball fan. Heck, Spike was pretty sure just the thought of being in a crowded area with roudy and rambunctious ponies would have scared her away. There's no way it was Fluttershy. In a moment of embarrassment for himself, Spike decided he would leave this pony alone, whoever they were.
Suddenly a pony who was passing out drinks in the stands tripped, seemingly out of nowhere, sending a splash of sugary beverage onto the mystery pony's flank.
"Sorry, sir!" apologized the pony.
"...uh, no problem," replied the pony with a marvelously deep voice.
Spike looked at the pony's flank once more and caught a better glimpse of their cutie mark. He couldn't have seen from afar, but now that he was closer he noticed that their hoofball cutie mark was all smudged. A fake cutie mark, Spike thought with a small gasp. Underneath the smudges, he could see three pink butterflies...
It IS Fluttershy, he thought to himself. Or rather, FlutterGUY, he smiled.
The game began, and ponies from both teams got into position as the crowd cheered throughout the game. Fluttershy cheered as well, in Spike's surprise. In fact, she was acting rather loud and energetic, except with her incredibly deep voice and her face disguised by the hoofball helmet and face paint.
Okay, enough is enough, he told himself as he decided to leave his hiding place beneath the stands. It was one thing to follow around a mysterious pony, but it was something else entirely to be spying on his friend. It was obvious that she didn't want anypony to know of her secret that she absolutely adored hoofball and cheering the players on quite loudly with her deep, booming voice. Taking a step in the opposite direction, suddenly, the wooden beam that lay above him and holding Fluttershy gave way, sending them both down to the ground beneath the stands.
"Ooof!" grunted Fluttershy, dazed from the suddenness of the event. She looked around nervously until her eyes met Spike, and then they widened in terror.
"Hi, Fluttersh--" What are you doing? Don't SAY HER NAME. She doesn't know you know who she is!
"..oh...my..." replied Fluttershy deeply, but still in her typically shy and quiet manner.
In a flash of embarrassment, Fluttershy took off away from the fields and took to the skies towards her cottage.
Great, Spike thought. That's three ponies I've embarrassed so far. He walked dejectedly away from the hoofball field as everypony continued to watch the game, undeterred from the crash moments earlier being that they were so engrossed in the game.
The snickering from before once again echoed from beneath the stands.
What is WRONG with me, Spike thought as he walked sullenly through Ponyville with his head down. Today had started off so simple, and now he had embarrassed three of his friends without even trying to. Well, he thought, kind of. It was almost as if some sort of external force was guiding him to stumble upon everypony during their most secretive moments, but he quickly dismissed the thought. He was, after all, letting his curiosity get the better of himself. Today in particular he seemed to have an insatiable curiosity.
There were some food stalls set up in town, he noticed as he made his way back to the castle. He wasn't looking forward to coming back to see Twilight. Would she still be embarrassed, or even worse, mad? Probably not, Spike thought. Twilight wasn't one to hold a grudge, being that she was the Princess of Friendship after all. But she'd probably feel embarrassed for a very, very long time. At least nopony else but him knew about all of these secrets he had been uncovering.
Feeling especially bad about himself, Spike decided he would buy a pie for Twilight as a token of apology for his intrusive behavior. It wouldn't really help in regards to Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy, but he was pretty sure neither of them really wanted anything to do with Spike anyways. Not even if it involved an apology pie.
As he strode into town, Spike came up to a fruit pie stall that was selling several different varieties and handed the vendor several bits in exchange for a cherry cobbler. It smelled deliciously as it warmed his chest. He just hoped that Twilight would be calmed down when he returned. But it wasn't a minute later until suddenly, he stubbed his claw against a rock in the middle of the road that seemingly had not been there before, sending his delicious cherry cobbler flying through the air and landing on the dusty road with a wet plop.
Spike moaned in exaggerated despair. Why? WHY? he questioned the universe with a shaking fist up at the sky. After a few moments, he composed himself and got back to his feet. Okay, I'll just go back and buy another, he thought, and did just so, keeping an extra vigilant watch for any stray rocks that seemed to phase into existence in front of his feet.
"I'd like a cherry cobbler," Spike said to the pie merchant, handing over another pile of bits.
"You're in luck," replied the vendor, "this is my last one!"
Whew, Spike thought. At least something was going his way today.
An orange pony wearing a fancy dress, a hat with a feather in it, and a large pair of decorative shades muttered something behind him. "Dang nabbit! Er..I mean...that sucks!" The pony's voice quickly changed from a southern drawl to an odd, flat accent.
"Sorry, miss," said the vendor, "but that was our last cobbler. We'll have plenty tomorrow!"
The pony simply nodded and began to leave, but Spike felt a twinge of guilt and generosity overcome him. It would feel nice to do something good for somepony, he thought. Twilight wouldn't mind if he just got a different flavor of pie, after all. And this pony seemed dead set on getting a cherry cobbler, he couldn't help but jog over to her and offer the pie.
However, upon seeing Spike enter her vision, the pony jerked back and Spike could have sworn he saw their eyes widen in shock before him.
"Excuse me, miss!" Spike shouted at her as she hurriedly trotted in the opposite direction. "Miss, I'd like to give you my pie!"
"That's er--fine! I'll just come on back tomorra', er--I mean, too-marr-oh!"
Who the hay is this pony? Spike thought briefly, but continued in his chase to complete his offer of generosity. The orange fur, the frayed yellow mane. Applejack? he thought. Applejack didn't exactly wear fancy clothing such as the kind on this pony. But who else did he know with that particular color combo?
Still chasing after the mystery pony, and feeling some similarities to earlier in the day, Spike yelled out to her, "Applejack?"
The pony skidded to a halt in the dirt, sending dust flying in the air around her. "Applejack, is that you?" he asked again.
Applejack turned around slowly and took off the hat and shades. "Yes, it is," said Applejack with an urgent whisper, "now get over here in this here alleyway."
He followed her into the secluded area that was the nearby alleyway with a bewildered look on his face holding the cherry cobbler between his claws.
"Okay..." she said solemnly, "you've found me out."
"Uhhh..." Spike paused in confusion, "what exactly did I find out? That you like to wear fancy clothing?"
"No, no," Applejack replied and lowered her voice to a whisper, "that I like...cherry pie..."
Spike stared at Applejack in unamused disbelief. Really...that's what you're so embarrassed about? "What's so embarrassing about liking cherry pi--"
"SHH!" Applejack shushed Spike with her hoof, nearly causing him to lose his balance and drop it on the ground again. "Nopony can know, ya hear?"
"Yeah, sure," Spike said reassuringly.
Applejack however, was not reassured. "Don't you know what everypony would say about me if they found out I liked cherry pie...more that apple pie?"
"I don't know..."
"Well, it wouldn't be good," Applejack replied. "Apples are my life, Spike. I wake up in the morning and go apple-buckin'. I eat an apple every day for lunch. I make apple fritters for desert. My own name has the word apple in it!"
"Just because your life revolves around appl--"
"--My family's livelihood is based around apples. My great gran-daddy was an apple farmer, and so was his great gran-daddy! My sister is named after apples. My brother Macintosh is named after apples. My granny is named after apples! Apples, apples, apples!"
Spike's eyes widened in horror at the display that was unfolding in front of him, all while holding the cherry pie gingerly between his claws.
"--and I'm cursed by my own tastebuds!" Applejack continued her manic episode, her voice picking up speed frantically. "I can't get enough of 'em, Spike. Cherries are so delicious, I just can't stop goin' out and buyin' 'em."
"Maybe you could--"
"--Why couldn't my favorite fruit be apples? Why? Why in the name of Celestia must I be forever tortured by this darn curse!"
"Spike," Applejack said with distress, "you've gotta make sure nopony ever asks me about my favorite type of pie. You know I can't lie!"
"Sure thing," he replied.
"Or anything else involving any other fruit than apples, just to be safe, okay?"
"Sure thing," Spike replied. "Also," Spike added, "technically cherries are a type of berry, not a fruit."
Applejack stopped for a moment, seemingly intrigued by this fact.
Spike continued, "oh, but berries are just a subclass of fruit so I guess technically they still are."
"CONSARN IT!" Applejack yelled, causing Spike to leap a foot into the air and loose his hold on the cherry cobbler, which once again fell with a wet plop onto the ground.
Somehow feeling even more dejected, Spike trudged slowly back to the castle with no pie, as he had spent every bit he had on him buying the other two. Was there anypony he hadn't embarrassed yet today? First it was Twilight, then Rainbow Dash, then Fluttershy and now Applejack. The only ponies that remained were Rarity and Pinkie Pie. What am I doing? he stopped his train of thought. There was no reason to think that he would somehow embarrass these ponies, but he had a sneaking suspicion that he would.
Now, Rarity he could see be embarrassed by something. but Pinkie Pie? What in Equestria would embarrass Pinkie Pie? She was an open book as far as anypony could tell. Spike stopped thinking about it, just in case the universe decided to use that information against him at some point in the future.
He opened the castle door and closed it slowly, just glad to finally be back inside and away from anypony he might embarrass.
"Spike, is that you?" echoed Twilight from elsewhere in the castle, unseen from view. She didn't sound angry, so that was a good sign.
"Yeah, it's me."
"I'm glad you came! Somepony was looking for you," she said, trotting into the main hallway.
Who could be looking for me right now? he thought for a moment before Twilight continued.
"Rarity was looking for you. She needs some help around the Carousel Boutique. Normally I'd have offered my services but I've got some other things I need done that I've been putting off."
A thousand excuses ran through Spike's mind, all of them attempting to find a good reason why he shouldn't go help Rarity. On literally any other day, he would have jumped in elation at the thought of helping Rarity, but today was the only exception.
"Uhh...I..." Spike eloquently replied, "I have some...things I need to do."
Twilight eyed him suspiciously. "Spike, is this about what happened earlier this morning?"
"No," he said sheepishly, "well...kind of..."
"Alright Spike, spit it out. You're about as good at hiding something as Applejack."
That's definitely true, Spike thought. After today's events, now more than ever he could believe that.
"Okay," he started, "somehow, ever since this morning, I've been coming across everypony during their--"
"OH, there you are my darling!" exclaimed an excited Rarity who let herself in the front door behind Spike. "I've been looking all over Ponyville for you! I have some very important work to do and I could really use somepony's help, or in this case, some dragon's help," she said with a smile and a flutter of her eyelashes.
"I uhh," Spike stammered. I've gotta get out of here. Something terrible is going to happen if I stay near Rarity for much longer, I just know it. "I have to go...I have to go to..."
"Where do you have to go my Spikey wikey?"
"I have to go...TO THE BATHROOM!"
Spike scampered past Rarity and out of the front door, slamming it shut behind him with a loud thump.
Rarity and Twilight stared awkwardly. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Twilight, but isn't your bathroom over there?"
"Yes...it is..." Twilight replied and rubbed her chin in contemplation.
Whew, I think I dodged a bullet there, Spike thought to himself as he wandered aimlessly throughout Ponyville. Nowhere was safe. Everywhere he set foot in might as well be a war zone from all of the emotional destruction that trailed behind him. Why was this happening to him? In the course of a few hours, he had uncovered four secrets from four of his closest friends. Of course, it was partly his own curiosity's fault, but something else seemed to be aiding the process. Something that caused everywhere he went to become a chaotic mess. Something like Discord.
Spike stopped walking in the middle of the road and began talking to nopony in particular. "Alright, Discord!" he exclaimed. "The jigs up, what's the deal?"
Spike was surprised at his own courage, talking to Discord, the element of Chaos, in such a tough tone. Not even an entire second went by and the draconequus appeared in a flash of magic in front of him.
"You called me, master?" he said with a sarcastic voice, carrying a plate and a napkin as if he were some kind of butler.
"What's the deal? Why am I coming across everypony during their most embarrassing moments?"
"Whatever do you mean? It's not my fault you have an insatiable curiosity."
It was true, Spike realized. Most of what happened today could have been easily avoided if he had just ignored his insatiable need to know things. But it wasn't as if he was trying to embarrass anypony. In fact, every incident occurred by pure chance, and he never intentionally set out to embarrass anypony. It just happened to play out that way. Discord had a perfect way of getting everypony to think themselves are the root of their problems, it seems.
"You helped," Spike replied, unsure of how to respond appropriately.
Discord poofed the butler attire out of existence and became his normal self. "Oh, alright. You've got me. I helped, in your words. What's your point?"
"You made me embarrass everypony!"
"Hmm, yes. It appears that I did," Discord replied slowly and grinned.
"Why? Why make me out to be the bad guy?"
"Well, don't ask me," Discord replied, putting up his hands as if he were being accused of murder, "I couldn't have done my job of altering your path without Pinkie Pie."
"Pinkie Pie? What does PINKIE PIE have to do with all of this?" Spike yelled.
"Contrary to popular belief," Discord replied calmly, "I don't know everything about everypony. How could I orchestrate such an intricate series events without all of that knowledge?"
The fact that Pinkie Pie apparently knew everything about everypony shocked Spike at first, but it only took a few moments to realize that such a claim was actually very much believable, if not a complete truth. She had been planning parties for practically her entire life, and she had filing cabinets of every last detail of everypony she had ever met. Spike could definitely believe it, but not why she would give out that information to anypony, especially Discord.
"But...why would Pinkie Pie give you that information?"
"I'm sorry, but that's confidential."
"What kind of friend keeps secrets?" Spike replied, and Discord's face contorted into a huge grin.
"Oh, the irony, it's unbearable! All of you keep secrets from each other. Your day should be a prime example of that."
Spike fumed. Literally fumed, as he was in fact a dragon. "But--"
"--Face it, Spike. I'm right and you're wrong. I'm doing everypony a favor by exposing their deepest secrets. That way, we can all be even closer," he replied as he put an arm around Spike, drawing him in close to his body.
Spike pushed back. "That's no way to treat a friend!"
Although, Discord did make some sense. It wasn't any of the secrets he had uncovered today were anything to really be ashamed about. In fact, they all seemed pretty petty once he thought more about it. Rainbow Dash would probably really enjoy watching a hoofball game with Fluttershy, and Fluttershy would be really happy to have a tea party with Rainbow Dash and their pet companions. Maybe Discord was right. But that still didn't explain Pinkie Pie's role in all of this.
"Alright, maybe you're right," Spike admitted. "But I still don't think it was a very good way to go about it..."
"Point duly taken," Discord replied politely.
"Alright, everypony," said Discord, "I've gathered you all here--"
"Yes, thank you for your impromptu meeting you decided to have in my study and teleport everypony away from whatever they were doing," said Twilight snarkily.
"Ahem," Discord continued, "I've gathered you all here because I think you've all learned a valuable friendship lesson today."
Silence.
"And what lesson was that?" Rarity asked. "I haven't even spoken much to anypony today."
"Ah, yes that's right. I didn't manage to get to you today," Discord said to Rarity, who gave him a very perplexing look, "but I'd say four out of five is pretty good."
"Four out of five what," Applejack said with a hint of anger.
"Ponies," Discord replied flatly, "and speaking of which, where is my sixth?"
"Over heeerrrrreeee," exclaimed a Pinkie Pie unseen from view. She came prancing into the study with cake batter splattered around her face.
"I've gathered you here," Discord continued, "because most of you have something you've been hiding from everypony else."
Nopony said anything, and everypony but Pinkie Pie and Rarity eyed the ground sheepishly.
"If none of you volunteer, I'll tell you all myself," Discord said. "Rainbow Dash likes tea parties, Twilight is writing a saucy romance novel, Fluttershy is an avid hoofball fan, and Applejack looovveesss--"
"Apples!" Applejack shouted. "Sure do! I love 'em to death, that's why my names' Applejack!"
Everypony stared at her in awkward silence. "...er...maybe...I like..."
"Cherries?" Spike finished her sentence for her.
"Yeah," Applejack said dejectedly, "alright, go ahead everypony. I know I'm a fraud, and now you do too."
"Applejack," said Twilight, "nopony here thinks you're a fraud just for liking...cherries..." she said awkwardly, wondering why Applejack would ever think such a ridiculous thing.
"At least I don't write saucy romance novels," said Rainbow Dash with a grin.
"I seem to recall that you like to have tea parties?" asked Applejack with a massive grin.
Realizing her mistake, Rainbow Dash flushed with embarrassment. "Yeah, well...uhh...hey Fluttershy, you like hoofball? Why didn't you tell me all of those times I went to the games?"
"I...uh...well...sometimes I like...being...energetic for a change..."
Rarity stepped forward. "Well, seeing as everypony else is admitting their most embarrassing moments, I see no reason as to why I should just sit back and listen. Ahem, sometimes I like getting filthy, just so I can get extra clean again."
Everypony laughed, including Rarity, although rather awkwardly.
"Well, it looks like our work here is done, Pinkie Pie," said Discord.
"Wait," said Twilight. "Pinkie Pie was in on this?"
"I could have never done this without Pinkie Pie," said Discord. "Or Spike, for that matter. His unquenchable thirst for knowing everything was the perfect way to go about all of this."
"Why would Pinkie Pie tell you all of these things about everypony?" asked Spike again. He left the room for a moment and nopony seemed to notice.
"We made a deal, so to say, a while back," Discord replied. "I get to itch my chaotic urges, and in return..."
Pinkie Pie continued, licking up some of the remaining cake batter from her lips, "...I get to be embarrassed!"
They all looked at her with confused looks. "Why would you want that?" said Rainbow Dash.
"I dunno, it sounds like fun!"
"Let me rephrase that," continued Dash, "how would you get embarrassed?"
"Hmm..." Pinkie Pie wondered, "I don't know that either."
"Well don't look at me," said Discord, "I'm only the element of chaos. Some things are just impossible."
"...so, you can't make me feel embarrassed?" Pinkie Pie said, quivering her lower lip.
"Sorry, but I'm not a god."
In a burst of light, Celestia appeared in Twilight's already crowded study. "Greetings, everypony"
"Celestia? What brings you here?" asked Twilight in surprise.
She smiled, "A little dragon gave me a message in the mail, asking for some top secret info on a certain draconequus."
Discord looked genuinely surprised. "Pfft, what top secret info. I'm an open book. I've got nothing to hide."
Celestia pulled out a photo from her mane. A recent photo of Discord playing with six colored pony dolls from within the comfort of his pandimensional home. One purple alicorn, a blue and yellow pegasus, a white unicorn, and two earth ponies in pink and orange.
"Where--how--GIVE ME THAT," shouted Discord in mild annoyance amidst the raucous laughter of everypony else in the room as Celestia and Discord played a game of cat and mouse throughout Twilight's study.
