The Holidays for Sunset Shimmer
The gentle caress of falling snow had blanketed the town of Canterlot in a layer of cushioned snow. It left the town feeling serene, a sense of calm sweeping over everyone as the holidays were swiftly approaching. There would always be those with last minute shopping, or plans that needed changing, but the collective feeling of warmth and togetherness hugged the city and it's inhabitants like a warm sweater.
However, for one particular girl that went to Canterlot High School, the Holiday season had only ever been a time of stress for her. For as long as she had been in this world, that is. The first two years in this world had been lonesome and cold, just managing to survive the weather with what little heat she could muster had been a challenge. A lack of warm clothing or a place to build a fire, that first winter she had found herself lucky to get by.
The second winter had been smoother, though just as miserable and lonely. By that point she had jackets and blankets and a small space heater to keep herself warm, but the bitter cold still found ways to strike her when she least expected it. There had been no time for the human holidays either of those years, no presents, no joy, no family or friends, just hot meals in the lonely place she had called home.
The third winter had shown promise, having finally made friends and them wanting to share it with her. The days were supposed to have been filled with cups of cocoa and merry games with those she cared about, finally spending the holidays in a way that resembled her foalhood, before things had gone wrong back home.
But even that winter wasn't meant to be. It became a time where she was closest to losing everything dear to her again since coming to that world, and all because of youngster jealousy. Her friends had abandoned her after promising to share their joy, the school had shunned her with a pent up rage that had been looking for an excuse to come back out, and even her old self had begun to emerge again just to get her out of that mess.
Between the winters spent as a lonely foal looking for parents who were no longer there, being alone in a foreign world with no real home or place to be, and being treated as a monster at her weakest moment, the holidays had become a time that the girl no longer cared about. She would put on a smile and do her best to enjoy the company of her friends, but the bitter memories clung to her mind like freezer burn.
With the last day of school quickly approaching before everyone was let out for the winter break, the girl was trying to figure out what she wanted to do. Staying home alone again crossed her mind, but she was tired of spending the holidays alone, even if her home was far more comfortable now than the one she had been staying at when she had first arrived. But the thought of spending time with her friends again filled her with apprehension and anxiety. She would tell herself over and over again that she trusted them, that she could rely on them no matter what, and for most of the year she didn't even need to question it, the feelings came naturally.
But she had been let down during the holidays one too many times before. She never wanted it to happen again.
The final bell of the day rang at CHS and a loud cheer of excitement roared through the school as students quickly began to pour out of the classrooms and into the halls. Many were bounding with excitement and joy that school was finally out for extended break, that they'd be at home or playing in the snow or hanging out with friends for several weeks before they had to come back. The hallways quickly became crowded and noisy, many students running or competing in the halls, all heading for their lockers to get their things and either meet up with friends or go.
Sunset Shimmer however, found herself walking at a casual pace towards her locker. There was no real excitement in her step, though she tried to hide her dour mood from her face. School was a perfect distraction from her thoughts, and the fact it was over now meant she had few ways to avoid them. She just wanted to get to her locker and figure out what to do from there, maybe go home and think things through, maybe pull out the journal and talk to Twilight for a while, or maybe just go to Sugarcube Corner for a hot cup of cocoa to calm her nerves.
Maybe it was just fate that she was meant to hate winters, be it in Equestria or in Canterlot. Her special talent had always been Sun-related magic, pyromancy included, and winters meant less sun and more cold. The opposite of who she was.
Heading home to think things through suddenly sounded appealing. Reaching her locker she felt escape was but moments away. All she'd need to do is dress up, grab her things, and go. If she could do it quickly, she could probably get away.
A whimsical fantasy perhaps, she realized to herself. Even if they tried, no one could truly escape Pinkie Pie.
“You ready for some holiday FUN!?” Pinkie shouted, popping out of her peripheral vision, scattering green and red confetti into the air as it scattered around the two teenagers.
“I guess as I'll ever be.” Sunset forced a half-smile on her face, grabbing her winter jacket and slipping her arms into its warm embrace. “Do you have the time of when it'll be?”
Pinkie blinked a little confused at that, putting a hand up to her chin, “I just figured we could all head to Sugarcube Corner together and start the celebrations there with some warm cocoa and sweets. Then we'd head back to my house for a pre-Christmas slumber party.”
“Oh... I mean, that works I guess.” Sunset flung her scarf around her neck and adjusted it accordingly, trying not to show disappointment on her face. She hadn't really wanted to rush straight into the festivities, she wanted some time to get herself mentally ready for it, which she hadn't been able to do while still in school or focusing on classes. Going straight into them terrified her, but she didn't want to show that to her friend who was only trying to let her have a fun time.
“Well there's no real point in delaying it right? It's our first Christmas with our Twilight! I want to make it as special as I can!” Pinkie beamed, twirling in her spot with the ever cheerful smile on her face. “She needs to be shown just how wonderful a Pinkie Pie Holiday Party can be!”
Left feeling abandoned, crying in a corner as you wonder why everyone you cared about has suddenly abandoned you and knowing you're alone. Sunset turned her head from Pinkie, trying to shake loose the vile thoughts pouring into her mind. Her friends knew better now, she had to believe they did. They weren't going to leave her alone like that ever again.
Not like last year. Not like when she was a foal.
A flash of the last Hearth's Warming Sunset ever spent with her parents flashed through her mind and a vicious scowl crossed her face.
“Hey Sunny, you feeling okay?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head with a look of genuine concern. Sunset's face snapped back to normal as she flinched back from the pink girl, realizing her cover was breaking down.
“I'm sorry Pinkie, I'm just not...” Sunset shook her head and turned from the girl, “I guess I'm just not feeling myself right now. You and the other girls should head to Sugarcube Corner first without me, I'll be there in a little bit. I just... I need to clear my head first.” Sunset waved her hand dismissively to Pinkie, before turning and walking away quickly.
“O-Okay... We'll be waiting for you!” Pinkie called back, still eager for Sunset to join them. But now Sunset wasn't even sure if she was going to show up at Sugarcube Corner at all that day, or even to Pinkie's slumber party. She just wanted to go home and do something. Curl up on the couch, take a hot shower, go to bed early, just anything that would take her mind off of everything for a bit.
The bitter chill of the cold winter air hit her cheeks as she stepped out into the courtyard of Canterlot High. Several students were milling about, some on their way home, some hanging out, some getting picked up. The wind was light and the snow had just recently stopped falling. Plenty of people would likely be enjoying a day like this, of weather that was perfect and gave the town a blissful look.
All it did for Sunset was remind her that she still had several days, if not weeks, before this would all be over.
Sunset made it back home later than she had expected. Her only mode of transportation at the moment was her motorbike, and using one during the snow and ice filled winter times meant she had to be even more careful of black ice and slick roads than cars did. However, she had made it home with no incidents and was grateful to be opening her apartment's front door.
“I'm home.” Sunset bitterly remarked to no one as she flicked the lights on, knowing full well she was alone. The words were so foreign, having not been spoken in years and yet she felt the need to spitefully say them now. While she had managed to shake her burning thoughts during the drive itself, the moment she had arrived home they all came flooding back, as if she had only put up a temporary wall between her and them and they broke through once the defenses had weakened.
She had spent so long getting home she was certain Pinkie and the others were already at Sugarcube Corner sharing a cup of cocoa together, probably laughing at whatever dumb jokes they were sharing amongst each other. She slammed the door close behind her and unwrapped her scarf with a bit more force than necessary, hanging it up on her coat rack before quickly following it with her winter jacket.
Sunset rubbed her arms, still feeling the chill from her bike ride, quickly walking over to her thermostat and turning the heat up. The electric bill would likely go up, but she banished that thought with a spiteful who cares and walked into her kitchen. She grabbed a mug from her cupboard, along with a packet of instant cocoa and walked to her coffee maker. Quickly heating up a pot of water, she poured the mixture together and stirred with a spoon, a makeshift cup of hot cocoa ready for enjoyment. Sunset blew on the steam of the cup as she walked into her living room and sat down on her couch.
Staring into the murky brown surface of the cocoa, Sunset could see her blurry face rendered in the drink. The image of her six friends appeared in her mind, sitting around at Sugarcube Corner once more, having a merry time without her. Gritting her teeth she put the mug down onto her coffee table and reached into her jeans pocket to pull out her phone.
No missed calls. No missed texts. It was currently 4:54pm. They'd likely been there for an hour now. They didn't need her.
Slamming the phone down onto the couch, Sunset leaned forward and cupped her face in her hands. Resting her elbows on her knees and letting her hair drape down to cover her face, she listened to the silence of the place she now called home as the cool air was ever so slowly replaced with warm air, but not enough to chase away the bite the chilled air left behind.
What was she even doing right now? Her friends were out having fun together at that very moment, and she had been invited and they had fully expected her to go. Instead she had rushed home like the world was ending, and here she was sitting there wondering why this was happening to her.
They don't need you, don't you get it? A spiteful voice said in the back of her mind. They say they're you're friends, that you can see them as family, but when it's time for when family should be together, they'll just throw you away without a care.
“No, they need me. It's only when we're together that we're strong...”
They were strong together before you came, remember? You were the one that tore them apart. They don't need you for the 'Magic of Friendship'. You're worthless to them.
“No, no I'm not worthless...”
Face it, you need them but they don't need you. Without them you'd be nothing, because you are nothing. You used to be strong, you used to know what you wanted. You threw that all away for friends who don't know the first thing about you.
“They just want what's best for me...”
No one wants what's best for you, not even you. No one wants to spend the holidays with you, no one wants to be your family. That's why your parents left you all alone. Their worthless daughter wasn't worth being around for.
“No, no that's not true!”
Sunset Shimmer, destined to be abandoned by everyone she has ever cared about. It's no wonder Celestia never came here to get you herself. You deserve to be miserable, cold, and alone.
Sunset slammed her hands down hard against the coffee table, her cocoa cup toppling over from the sudden violent outburst and pouring still-hot cocoa all over Sunset's hand.
Several curses flew out of Sunset's mouth as she sucked on her teeth and pulled her hand back. The water hadn't been scalding hot, but it still left sharp stings on her hand. She rushed back into the kitchen and ran her hand under cool water, washing the brown drink away and cooling her hand. A sigh of relief washed over her once the pain had faded, only for it to quickly be replaced with panic in realization that the cocoa was dripping onto her carpet.
Quickly drying off her hand she grabbed a roll of paper towels and ran back into the living room, quickly catching whatever cocoa she could into the paper towels and pressing them hard against the carpet floor. Lifting the paper up and stamping them down several times, she quickly realized the damage had already been done and let her shoulders sag with defeat. She was going to need to rent a carpet cleaner to get the stains out.
Picking up the cup and the several used paper towels, she slowly went back to the kitchen. She tossed the used towels and ran the cup under the kitchen sink, rinsing it out. A waste of a half-decent cup of cocoa, a burnt hand, and a stained carpet. This is what she had traded her night for instead of a night hanging out with her friends, she really was great at making decisions.
Just as Sunset turned the kitchen sink off, a loud knocking came from her door, causing her to jump in place. She wasn't expecting visitors, so who would be at her door at this time? With winter here, the sun was already going down at this time of day, it'd be dark out soon. She tried to think of who would come knocking, maybe a concerned neighbor or maybe the landlord with some important news?
Another hard knock came and this time a voice followed, “Sunset, open up! We know you're home, you're lights on!”
That voice, it couldn't be... Why would they be here?
Sunset's heart started beating rapidly in her chest, anxiety rising quickly. Here she was panicking over spilled cocoa and feeling alone, she probably looked a mess! If it really was them, she needed to make sure she was presentable.
“Just a minute!” Sunset called out through the door, rushing through her living room to her bathroom. She flicked the light on and looked at herself in the mirror. Slightly dried tear streaks were visible down her face, apparently at some point she'd been crying and not realized it. Her eyes weren't that puffy though, she could probably hide the fact she had been. Her hair was frazzled though, she wouldn't have time to properly brush all of it.
Another hard knock came from her door, jarring her nerves. “Hold on for a moment!” Sunset called out again, turning the bathroom tap on and quickly splashing her face with water. She scrubbed the tears away and washed her eyes, drying her face off then putting an eyedrop in each eye. Taking her brush she quickly brushed down the most problematic parts of her hair, before running her hands over the rest of it.
“Come on Sunset, open up! It's freezing out here!” Another hard knock on the door, this one a bit more urgent.
“Coming!” Sunset called back, satisfied that she didn't look like a disaster anymore. She rushed over to the door and quickly undid the locks before pulling the door open.
“It's about time.” The cocky grin of Rainbow Dash appeared before her, “What took you so long?”
Sunset blinked as she looked out at her group of friends who were all looking at her with smiles. Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie. All of her friends were there right now, standing in the cold outside her apartment waiting for her to say something.
“Wha- But-” Sunset sputtered for a moment in a bit of confusion, “I thought you all were at Sugarcube Corner, then we're going to head to Pinkie's place?”
“We were darling.” Rarity spoke up, adjusting her scarf, “But Pinkie said it just didn't feel the same without you and we all agreed.” A wave of nods and acknowledgment came from all the girls.
“So, we figured rather than spend the night at Pinkie's, we could spend the night at your place so we're all together.” Applejack spoke up next, giving Sunset a wink as she did.
“Is it alright if we come in? It's awfully chilly out here.” Twilight spoke up next, rubbing her arms against the thick jacket she wore, her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose a little.
“We brought tasty treeeeaaaaaatsssss~” Pinkie grinned, holding up a take-out bag from Sugarcube Corner that had several boxes in it.
Flabbergasted with what to say, Sunset's mind stumbled over itself a few times before she managed to shake her thoughts loose and formulate what she needed to say. “Yes, of course, come in, come in.” She said almost out of instinct, stepping out of the way and holding the door open for her friends to file in.
“Thank you for inviting us in.” Fluttershy smiled as the girls filed in, one by one taking off their winter gear and hanging it up on the coat rack Sunset had near the door. Sunset closed the door once everyone had filed in and Pinkie bounded to the kitchen to place the boxes out for easy access. Sunset stood at the door staring at the spectacle a little disbelieving.
Rainbow Dash had already hopped onto the couch, snatching up the remote and turning the TV on. Fluttershy and Applejack quickly joined her, Rarity looked around while rubbing her arms wanting to remark on the chill of the room but able to tell the heating was already running.
“I hope you don't mind.” Twilight smiled happily, “It just wouldn't feel like the holidays without all of our friends around, right?” The smile was so genuine and innocent. Even though Twilight had only very recently made friends, it was a smile that showed she still enjoyed the holidays with those she cared about. Family that loved her, presents and treats in a warm environments, things Sunset hadn't had in a long time.
Twilight was different. She had only recently come to Canterlot High, the girl from this world who was different from Princess Twilight didn't even know about what happened last Christmas, meaning all of her enthusiasm and holiday cheer were genuine. There was no mask hiding her happiness or hope, or desire to make everything real.
Twilight genuinely wanted to spend the time with her, not out of obligation or feelings of regret.
“Yeah, I-I don't mind.” Sunset forced a bit of a smile as she felt her heart hammering against her chest, uncertain of what emotions she was supposed to be feeling. On one hand she still felt the resentment and jealousy from her earlier thoughts, but her friends had come here to spend the holidays with her on their own. Twilight looked so happy to be there, and Sunset couldn't figure out if she was happy or not.
At that very moment, she felt like an awful friend.
“Hey Sunset, turn on some tunes will ya? It's pretty dead in here.” Dash spoke up, looking at her friend with a smile. Sunset couldn't help but smirk at how the TV wasn't enough for the athlete.
“Sure, I'll put on some Christmas tunes.” Sunset walked over to her portable speaker she had set up near the kitchen counter. With a counter visible from both the kitchen and the living room, it was the perfect place to have the speaker setup for all guests to enjoy. Flicking her radio and setting it to an all-Christmas channel, the soothing sound of carols soon filled the apartment alongside the TV.
“Oooh oooh! Sunset, you gotta try this one!” Pinkie quickly bounded up to the red-headed teen, holding out a red and green pastry for her to try. Blinking at it, Sunset opened her mouth and let Pinkie push the pastry into her mouth. Biting down, a sensation of sweet sugar and strawberry filling filled Sunset's mouth. She chewed several times before swallowing, smiling and giving Pinkie a nod of approval. “I knew you'd like that one!”
Pinkie put the bitten pastry in Sunset's hand for her to eat as she disappeared back into the kitchen, the sound of glasses clinking as she was likely getting drinks set up. Sunset stared at the pastry in her hands, the sweet taste still lingering in her mouth. The warm air was finally starting to waft through the apartment, the gentle holiday music was flowing through the air accompanied by the sounds of her friends talking amongst each other, and the smell of warm delicious food to eat filled her nostrils.
This atmosphere was so different from anything she'd felt in so long. The last time she had felt it...
“You really love your sweets, don't you?” The warm voice of an older yellow mare spoke down to her. “You always eat them so fast, you should learn to savor what you have.”
The rambunctious little red and yellow filly pouted at her mother's gentle scolding, letting out a 'hmph' and turning her head away. “I can eat my sweets however I want.”
“I suppose so, but save some for the others okay? They'll want some too.” The kind older mare raised a hoof and gently ruffled the little filly's hair.
“Fine, I'll do as you ask mother.” The filly said defiantly, shaking her mane to muss it up again, eliciting a giggle from the older mare.
“Sunset, are you alright?” Twilight's voice broke Sunset out of her thoughts, turning to the lavender girl in surprise, “You're crying...”
Sunset put a hand to her face, feeling the fresh tears having fallen down her cheeks again. She quickly brought her arm up to her face and frantically rubbed away the fresh tears. They had just come out on their own.
“Sorry I just... I need a moment.” Sunset quickly turned and tried to walk towards her room to not alert the suspicion of the others. She quietly closed the door behind her, just standing there in quiet of her room. The sounds of the party that was just starting were dulled through the wood of the barricade between her and her friends. She pressed her forehead against the door, not even understanding what was going on with her. She wanted to make sense of her emotions, but they were just tangling further and further in her mind and she was beginning to wonder if she could clear them out at all.
She moved from the door to head for her bathroom when a light knock came from the door. Sunset stopped and looked at the door confused.
“Sunset, can I come in? I just want to talk.” It was Twilight again, her voice quiet but clear. Sunset let out a sigh as she realized there was no point in running from it and opened the door for the lavender girl.
“I'm sorry Twilight, I just don't really know what's gotten into me tonight.” Sunset rubbed the back of her neck as she tried to wave away the problem. Twilight stepped further into the room and closed the door behind her.
“Do you want to talk about it? I'm willing to lend an ear for you.” Twilight nodded, though her posture was a little fidgety. Leave it to the bookworm to be just as confused and nervous as Sunset was, “If it's emotional problems I've read up a little on psychology. I mean, not enough to be a psychologist but it's better than nothing, right?”
“Heh, maybe.” Sunset tried to chuckle, but it came out a little hollow. She turned from the girl and walked over to her bed, before sitting on the edge and just letting her head hang down as she tried to think of what to say. Twilight hesitated for a moment, but then followed after Sunset and sat down next to her.
“I guess we can start off simple. Do you have an idea of what's bugging you?” Twilight asked first.
“Sort of? I just...” Sunset interlocked her fingers as she stared at the ground, “I haven't really liked the holidays in a long time Twilight. And it has nothing to do with you or the others or anything like that, it's just... For so many years in a row bad things have happened to me at this time of year that it just... I dunno, sours my mood.”
“Do you mind telling me what kind of things?” Twilight asked, leaning forward and adjusting her glasses. “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to though, I know I'm the newest member of the group here and that I don't know you all as well as you know each other... But I want to help if I can.”
Sunset couldn't help but let out a bit of a chuckle at that. It felt almost strange that there was someone who had come to want to be her friend that didn't start off having that responsibility forced on them. This Twilight had never met the Sunset from before Princess Twilight came to this world, as such the only one she had ever known was reformed Sunset. That made her different from the others.
Sunset considered them all her invaluable friends, but they hadn't decided to be her friend of their own free will. Princess Twilight had been the one to tell them to keep an eye on her, and in a way she felt that the only penance for her action was to genuinely learn to be their friends. And while she succeeded, she couldn't help but admit that a cloud of unease had existed over their heads for so long, a cloud that could flare up again if she ever showed signs of turning back into who she had been before.
They had done it once already, at this time of year as well.
Twilight didn't have that though. Even if the others saw signs of her old self returning, Twilight would probably defend her till the end that she was innocent and wouldn't betray her friends. That was a comfort she couldn't take for granted. It made her want to open up to Twilight more than anyone else before, so before she even had the thoughts completed in her head she was speaking.
“When I first arrived here from Equestria, I didn't have anyone who knew me. So, I ended up having to fend for myself. A lot.” Sunset's hands unbound themselves and fidgeted for things to do as she explained, “Come the first winter, I was still living in an abandoned house close to downtown, without proper water or electricity. So while everyone else was celebrating the holidays with their friends and family in the warmth and comfort of their homes, I was curled up in blankets trying not to freeze to death.” Sunset bitterly laughed. She heard Twilight gasp as she put a hand up to her mouth in shock, but Sunset continued anyway.
“The second winter here was a bit better, but not by much. At that point I had managed to get a portable space heater and jury-rigged an electrical outlet for it from a nearby power supply so I could be comfortable. But I was still cold and alone for the winter, but I at least wasn't going to freeze to death.” Sunset squeezed her arm and looked away with shame, knowing what part of the story came next.
“And then... Last year was the first year I had made friends with the others. They offered to spend the holidays with me and I was excited to have my first real winter with my friends. By that point I had managed to get this apartment as well, so I was finally comfortable and had friends to enjoy the holidays with.” Sunset grit her teeth, closing her eyes as she tried not to suck on her teeth for this next part.
“But something happened. An account got created on MyStable called Anon-a-Miss that started posting humiliating stories about everyone in school, mostly about my close friends... But never about me. In the end, I was framed as being Anon-a-Miss and...” Her hand squeezed tighter, “The others thought I had gone back to being my old cruel bullying self and wanted nothing to do with me.”
“What!?” Twilight gasped in shock, “But... But you're all such close friends! Why would they ever do that!? They should have known you'd never hurt them!” Twilight defended her honor in an instant, hurt apparent in her eyes that Sunset would get treated that way.
Sunset couldn't help but internally laugh at that. If her other friends had given her the benefit of the doubt for even a moment like that, maybe last years events could've been solved so much faster...
“You've never been hurt by me Twilight...” Sunset gave a sorrowful smile as she turned to Twilight, “But they still remember what I was like back when they first met me. I did such awful things to them... The fact we got to be this close of friends really is nothing short of a miracle...” Sunset shook her head, letting out another sigh. “Eventually the real person behind Anon-a-Miss turned themselves in, unable to deal with the guilt of what they'd done, and the girls and I went back to our holiday plans together... But it wasn't the same for me after that. The events hung over my head like a dark cloud and I couldn't share in the merriment with them.”
“I'm so sorry Sunset...” Twilight's voice quivered, tears brimming her eyes. Sunset had to chuckle at that as well. This Twilight wore her heart on her sleeve, willing to cry at the drop of a hat as needed, but it was a good distinction from Princess Twilight. Twilight sniffled and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand.
“It's not your fault Twilight, and everything's fine now.” Sunset reassured the girl, gently rubbing Twilight's back. “Besides, I wasn't big on the holidays in Equestria either. Bad memories came from both worlds.” Sunset meant to sound comforting, but Twilight didn't look all that comforted.
“What happened in Equestria that made you hate the holidays? Do you even celebrate Christmas there?” Twilight asked, wanting to know everything now. Sunset grimaced a little, not sure how much she wanted to tell Twilight but... She'd already said this much, there wasn't much harm in saying everything else.
“No, it's not Christmas in Equestria, we celebrate an event called Hearth's Warming. It's basically founders day in Equestria, when the three tribes of ponies came together for the first time and officially created the land we know as Equestria today. We celebrate the spirit of togetherness and embracing our differences. It shares a lot of aspects with Christmas though. A lot of the decorations are very similar, and we do give each other gifts.” Sunset fidgeted, her history lesson over.
“And... Well...” Sunset rubbed the back of her neck, “I didn't always hate Hearth's Warming as a filly... Er, basically when I was a kid.” Sunset made sure Twilight was on the same page.
“It's okay, I know enough about equines to know what fillies and colts are.” Twilight nodded in understanding.
“Alright. Well yeah, I still have fond memories of spending winter with my family. My mother and father loved the holidays.” Sunset chuckled, looking down at the floor again. “They would go all out with the decorations, bake amazing treats, get the best gifts...” Sunset's voice began to strain as she went on. “Mother had this perfect strawberry crisp recipe that would melt in your mouth. She loved inviting all of the kids in the neighborhood to try them out. And Dad would obsess with making sure all the decorations were in the exact spots they should be. I remember there was one set of lights that he always struggled with that never did quite what he wanted them to do. I can still hear his curses under his breath as he tried and tried.” Sunset croaked out a laugh as tears began to stream down her face again, no longer trying to hide them.
“You... You really miss them, don't you?” Twilight spoke quietly, reaching out a hand and placing it on Sunset's knee for support. “Can't you go see them? You told me the portal to Equestria is open, you could go back and see them...”
Sunset laughed again, closing her eyes as she raised a hand up to her face and wiped uselessly at the flowing tears. “You can't visit someone who isn't there anymore Twi...”
Twilight's eyes widened in shock, her hand squeezing harder as she realized what she just said. “Oh... Oh my god, Sunset, I'm... I'm so sorry...”
Sunset shook her head, “You didn't know. Hell, you're the first one I've told that to in a long time...” Sunset continued to wipe at her face, though her tears had only slowed. “They died in the winter too... Not during the holidays but... The cold still reminds me that it took them away from me.” Sunset linked her fingers again, a small somber smile on her face as she stared at the ground. “As a filly I couldn't grasp that they were gone in my head... It felt like they had just abandoned me. That they didn't want me anymore. So I tried to run away from the pain of them not being there anymore.”
“It sounded like they loved you very much though...” Twilight said, wiping her own face as a few tears had made their way out as well.
“Looking back... I know that now, but...” Sunset sighed with deep regret, “When you spend years hating them for something you didn't understand, it's hard to let go of those feelings.” Sunset shook her head, “So after that, Hearth's Warming just became sort of a... formality for me. Something that happened for other ponies but... For me it didn't matter. I dedicated myself to my magical studies after that, vowing to get stronger, to be better, to be a grand ruler that would make sure nothing terrible ever happened in Equestria again.” Sunset bitterly smiled at the memories, “What a fool I was...”
“Sunset.” Twilight reached out and grabbed Sunset's hands, Sunset blinking in surprise at that. She turned to look the lavender girl in the eyes, “You've been alone for so long at this time of year... I want to change that.” Twilight shook her head, before looking at Sunset with a caring smile, “If the holidays have been so painful, then I want to show you that they really can be joyful for you too. Even if it's just us, I want them to be special for you.”
“Twilight...” Sunset was in shock at the girl. She had spilled her heart out and hadn't expected it to have amounted to anything. But that wasn't Twilight's way. The girl wanted to make sure that the first friend's she had ever made were going to be just as happy with her as she was with them.
“...Thank you Twilight.” Sunset gave a warm smile in return, “Though I don't think it'll do good for us to do everything on our own. I'm sure the others would want to have fun with us too.” She let out a good natured chuckle.
“Of course, we're going to make this Christmas special for you Sunset.” Twilight beamed, the gears in her mind whirring as she brainstormed ideas.
“Heh, why don't we head back for now then?” Sunset smirked, nodding at the door, “The others are probably starting to wonder where we went by now.”
“Sure, that sounds good to me.” Twilight nodded, taking one last moment to wipe her face of tears before standing up and heading to the door. She reached out and grabbed the knob before stopping and turning to look at Sunset, “You coming?”
“Yeah, just... I want to wash my face first.” Sunset explained, wiping at her face a bit more. Twilight gave a nod and headed back into the party.
There was a warmth in Sunset's chest, a warmth she hadn't felt in such a long time. Twilight's feelings were genuine to her core, she cared about her on her own with nothing in-between. She wanted her to enjoy the holidays on her own merits, not mired in the past of failed holidays. She could see Twilight crystal clear in her mind, extending her hand out to her.
And then one by one behind Twilight, each of her friends appeared, inviting her in as well. A group of six girls who had all come to her, who didn't want to be without her, to spend the holidays together. To celebrate their friendship.
She'd been a fool. She'd let the bad feelings from so many bad years of winter overshadow just how important all of them were to her. She loved all of her friends, and she only wanted them to be happy. And what made them happy, was seeing her happy.
Sunset turned to the desk near her bed and saw the brown journal with her cutie mark emblazoned onto it. She reached over to it and grabbed it, opening it up to the most recent page. Grabbing a pen, she quickly began to write.
Dear Princess Twilight,
I know it's a few days early, but I wanted to wish you a Happy Hearth's Warming. The holidays have never been that happy a time of year for me, but I feel like this year it might be the first time that's not the case. It's been a full year since last Christmas and my friendship with the others has become so much more than it was back then.
When I was Princess Celestia's student and living in Canterlot Castle, she really did try her best to let me enjoy Hearth's Warming with her, but I never cared for it. Looking back, it was probably part of my stubborn nature, but I kind of wish I had given her a chance to share those days with me. Just another regret to add to the list huh? Thankfully they're diminishing each day, being replaced with the happiness and bonds I've made here.
I want you to enjoy this holiday with your friends and family Twilight. Let them know they mean a lot to you, that you won't ever take them for granted. That they mean so much to you and you'll never let them go. I'm sure you don't need to do that for them, but it'd make me happy knowing you did so much for them, as your friend.
And, I guess I'd like it if you could send Princess Celestia a holiday greeting from me too. I have my doubts that she even wants to hear from me, but that's what makes Hearth's Warming special isn't it? While it's called Christmas here, the sentiment is the same. A time to put regrets behind us and just make sure that those who are special to us know it.
Nothing elaborate I think. Just, “I hope you have a happy Hearth's Warming Princess - from Sunset Shimmer” would do. I would appreciate that a lot. And I hope I get to see you for the holidays too, even if it's just for a moment.
I've got a party to get back to for now though. And just, thank you. For everything.
Your friend, Sunset Shimmer.
“Sunset get out here! Pinkie brought Christmas Crackers!” Dash's voice yelled across the apartment as Sunset finished writing.
“Coming!” Sunset called back, closing the journal and placing it on her desk. She was going to put her trust in her friends once again, putting the past behind her and enjoy this moment now.
As she headed back into the living room, all those feelings of doubt and anxiety washed away for the moment. Her friends were there to spend the holiday with her, and she was going to enjoy every moment of it.