Scars of Our Past
Sunset Shimmer cut. She started after the Fall Formal and couldn't stop. Every time she thought about quitting she'd think of the pain and damage she'd caused to everyone around her, which just added a fresh mark to her already marred arms. Nobody ever noticed, not even her so-called friends. Sunset didn't blame them, she didn't deserve them in the first place. Hell, Sunset wasn't even sure why they still wanted her around. She'd been so miserable lately that she may as well not have been there. Maybe that's why Pinkie Pie organised this slumber party, to cheer her up. The thought brought a small smile to her face. Then she looked at her scarred arms and sighed, she was going to have to be very careful about keeping her sleeves pulled down. With that thought in mind Sunset went to her wardrobe an pulled out a black hoodie with her cutie mark imprinted on the front, it was winter now so hopefully no one would question her attire, well, apart from Rarity. Sunset Shimmer took one last glancing look towards her arms before walking out of her apartment.
Apparently she was the last one to arrive so Pinkie's party was already in full swing when she arrived. The said party animal squealed in delight as she saw Sunset Shimmer standing on her porch. "You're here!" She cried, pulling Sunset into a bone-crushing hug. Sunset Shimmer yelped in pain as the cuts on her arms stung like fury under the force.
"Err Pinkie? I think your hurting her." Said a familiar voice. Pinkie Pie released Sunset from her hug and bounced inside, Sunset turned round to thank her saviour and saw the familiar face of Rainbow Dash.
"Ah thanks for that, I think I'm going to have bruises." Sunset said, tentatively rubbing her arms.
"Yeah, no problem. Are you okay?" Asked Dash, not looking Sunset in the eye. The question made Sunset freeze, she hadn't been ok in a long while. But she wasn't going to let Dash know that.
"Yeah Dash, I'm fine." Is all Sunset said quietly. Rainbow Dash gave her friend an unsure look.
"Come on then, we're all waiting on you!" Rainbow Dash suddenly exclaimed, trying to brush of her friends odd attitude as she grabbed Sunset by the hand and lead her to Pinkie's room where the gang was gathered around the pink haired girl's TV trying to sort out what movie they wanted to watch, a large bowl of popcorn between them all.
"Erm, hi guys." Sunset said waving to get their attention.
"Oh hi Sunset, it's good to see you, but what is that your wearing?" Commented a voice that was quite obviously Rarity's. Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes, annoyed, the last thing she really needed was Rarity trying to give her different outfits. She decided to ignore Rarity's reproachful look.
"Leave her alone Rarity, we need to pick a movie." Said Applejack before nodding to Sunset in greeting. "Yer jus' in time, we need one more vote for the horror movie. You see me, Rainbow and Pinkie want to watch it but Fluttershy and Rarity want to watch this one." Applejack said, quite obviously irritated. She held up the two movies, one appeared to be a cartoon while the other looked to be a horror movie. Sunset hesitated slightly, she really didn't want to see a horror movie right now but she knew that she'd disappoint Dash and Applejack. Tentatively she pointed to the horror movie.
"Yes!" Rainbow Dash cheered as she high-fived Sunset who grinned shakily. The girls all sat down together, Fluttershy was the closest to the door with Rarity sitting next to her. Probably so they could bolt if the film got too scary for them, Sunset chuckled at that thought. Pinkie occupied the sofa with Applejack so Sunset decided to sit next to Dash, who suddenly was acting strangely shy, on the floor in front of the TV. Applejack slotted in the horror movie as Pinkie dimmed the lights for a 'dramatic atomosphere' as the hyper girl had put it. Fluttershy squeaked in fear as the movie began to play.
Sunset Shimmer was surprised, the horror movie was pretty damn good. Fluttershy was hiding behind her hands in sheer terror, her hair falling in front of the terrified girls face. Rarity looked slightly green and even Applejack and Dash looked slightly tense. Then of course there was Pinkie, who was grinning broadly as the protagonist ran from the demon that was haunting him.
Sunset smirked at Dash when the athletic girl jumped suddenly when the demon appeared on screen. Sunset leant in and whispered, "Got a bit of a fright there, didn't you?"
Rainbow Dash jumped once again at the feeling of Sunset whispering in her ear. The sporty girl could feel a blush spreading on her cheeks and was glad that Pinkie had dimmed the lights. "Shut up." She mumbled jokingly.
"Aww... Is little Dashie frightened?" Sunset teased, speaking in a childish voice. Dash stuck her tongue out at her friend.
"Course not bacon-hair." Came the retort. Sunset Shimmer tried to stifle a giggle at her friends response.
"Bacon-hair? I protest that notion!" Sunset exclaimed quietly. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and ruffled Sunset's hair as Sunset tried to push her friend off, giggling all the while.
"Would you two save yer flirting for after the movie?" Applejack teased, chuckling to herself as Rainbow and Sunset parted, both of them were blushing and smiling awkwardly at the other. "Much better." Applejack winked, as Sunset turned round to watch the movie and Dash shot a glare at the farmer.
Sunset shivered as the demon caught up to the protagonist, she didn't really want to be watching a horror movie at the moment. Especially one about inner demons, she had had enough of that horror herself. The movement had caught the attention of Rainbow Dash "You alright Sunset?" She whispered in her ear. Sunset nodded quickly and smiled at the rainbow haired girl, not really wanting to arouse suspicion. Dash shot her a look that Sunset couldn't decipher before turning her attention back to where an irrelevant side character was having her organs pulled out by the demon that terrorised them. However Sunset noticed that Rainbow Dash kept glancing at her.
"Hey guys, it's getting super duper late." Pinkie announced, feeling a sugar crash from earlier that day
"We really should get some shut-eye." Applejack spoke up. Exhausted herself. "We have school tomorrow after all."
"Yeah we really should" Rainbow agreed. Looking around everyone else started nodding, except for Rarity and Fluttershy who were already asleep. They decided to go to bed instead of finish the horror movie. Everyone had had fallen asleep pretty quickly after that. Everyone except Sunset Shimmer. Too many thoughts occupied her mind, tumbling and rushing around making it impossible to sleep.
Sunset sighed, well she was obviously wasn't going to get any rest tonight. She pulled herself out of her sleeping bag and walked down to Pinkie's kitchen. As she sat in the darkened room alone, she wistfully remembered her conversation with Twilight Sparkle only two months ago.
Sunset sighed, noting that she seemed to do that a lot now, and walked out onto Pinkie's cold front porch, sitting on the front step and staring at the sky. It was a clear night and there was a full moon tonight. Sunset Shimmer had liked watching the moon back in Equestria, there was just something calming about it and helped her think. She'd never really believed the stories of the Mare on the Moon.
Sunset pulled up the sleeves of her hoodie, her cuts standing out in the bright moonlight against her skin. She traced them with one finger half-heartedly. What would her friends say if they ever found out? However her main concern was Dash, her friend had been acting very strange lately. Did she suspect something? Sunset rolled down her sleeves and leant back on the porch with her hands behind her head. "Do scars ever fade?" Sunset Shimmer wondered aloud. Not just physical scars but emotional scars, they're the ones that truly hurt like hell.
"Hey Sunset... Is that you? What are you doing here?" Asked a sleepy voice. Sunset turned around in surprise only to see Rainbow Dash standing in the door way. "Rainbow? Why are you here?"
"Couldn't sleep, I woke up and noticed you had gone so I went to go see where you had went. Good to know you haven't run of into the night." Sunset Shimmer chuckled at this explanation but Rainbow Dash went on. "So what are you doing here then?"
"Same as you, I couldn't sleep." Sunset said. Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes and sat next to Sunset on the steps.
"Sunset... What's wrong? You've been acting weird for ages now."
"Nothing's wrong, Dash, I'm fine." Sunset tried to convince her with a small smile. Rainbow Dash snorted
"Bullshit! Sunset Shimmer, don't you try to convince me nothing's wrong!" She grabbed Sunset's wrist as she spoke. Sunset flinched and Dash's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Sunset tried to pull away but apparently the captain of practically every sports team was extremely strong.
Rainbow Dash yanked up the hoodie sleeve to reveal the scars that criss-crossed Sunset's arms, the red weals marring the pale flesh. Dash dropped Sunset's arm in shock and Sunset used this opportunity to yank her sleeve back down. Rainbow Dash's mouth dropped open as she stuttered, "Holy shit... You...you cut?"
Sunset Shimmer made to run, however a small hand that grabbed her own forced Sunset to sit still. Dash took a long, shaky breath and asked, "W...When did you start cutting?" Sunset shook her head shamefully and buried it in her hands.
"After the fall formal." She whispered. Rainbow Dash let out a quiet gasp, "That long? Sunset... You should have told us... Or somebody!" Rainbow Dash had shouted that last part, she took a deep breath and muttered to Sunset, "You should of told someone..."
Sunset's defence rose up as she heard Rainbow Dash's speech, the athlete hadn't exactly cared for her after the fall formal so she was barely going to tell Dash that her hobbies included guitar playing, cooking, studying and cutting every evening.
"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realise you cared that much." She mocked, though the annoying little voice inside her mind told her that it was wrong.
"Of course I fucking care Sunset! Do you have any fucking idea about how much I do care?" Rainbow Dash cried angrily. Sunset Shimmer stared at the girl in astonishment, she'd never realised how much Rainbow Dash had really cared about her.
'Of course you didn't. You were so busy wallowing in self pity as usual... Pathetic.' Muttered another voice inside her head. Sunset Shimmer held her head as voices crowded her mind, crowing at her, mocking her. "Please stop..." She begged silently, Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around Sunset. She opened her eyes and saw Rainbow Dash hugging her tightly. Tentatively, Sunset hugged Rainbow Dash back.
"Please stop cutting, Sunset." Rainbow Dash whispered as she released Sunset Shimmer from the tight embrace.
Sunset stiffened suddenly "Stop cutting? Do you not realise how fucking difficult that is? I can't just stop! Not with everything I've done! This is the least I deserve!" She cried angrily. Rainbow Dash stared at her friend in shock before taking her hand.
"Sunset... you don't deserve this. You've changed, all of us can see that. Now you need to see for yourself that you've changed and I swear that I'll help you. Element of Loyalty, remember." It was Sunset's turn to stare in shock at her friend. She hadn't thought Dash would be this... Accepting. Maybe the others would be as well, but still.
"Please don't tell the others," Sunset begged. Rainbow Dash nodded hesitantly before asking gently, "Can I see your cuts again?" Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath before nodding slowly and lifting up the hand Rainbow Dash was holding. The rainbow-haired girl gently lifted Sunset's sleeve up and revealed the scars to the moon once again.
Delicately, Dash traced each scar on her arm with her index finger before turning Sunset's wrist over. Sunset braced herself as she saw Dash's gaze turn horrified as she drew her attention to the large vertical mark that ran down Sunset's wrist. The athletic girl's hold on Sunset's wrist tightened as she asked, "When... When did you try to do this?"
Sunset Shimmer flinched at Rainbow Dash's tone of voice but replied none the less, "A week after the Fall Formal. We weren't exactly friends at the time so I didn't exactly feel the need to tell you. It's my problem, not yours." She said coldly, though she wasn't really sure why.
Rainbow Dash leapt up in outrage, her eyes burning like two magenta flames. Sunset stood up and looked Dash in the eyes, her own eyes comparable to blue chips of ice. Rainbow Dash shouted in fury "Oh so what? You just decided to keep it a secret that you tried to commit suicide? We could have helped! But now I'm just finding out that you could have been dead right now!"
"You guys were the reason I wanted to die in the first place!" Sunset cried in frustration, before breaking down. She fell to the floor, curling up and burying her head in her hands as large sobs broke out of her and tears rolled down her face.
Rainbow Dash swayed in shock, "The... The reason you wanted to die was because of us?" She slid slowly to the floor, tears glittering in her eyes. "Why Sunset?"
"I didn't deserve the friendship that you offered me. I didn't deserve anything but the hate I've earned. I still don't, not after everything that's happened..." Sunset sobbed. Rainbow Dash circled her arms round Sunset once more and pulled the sobbing girl into a tight hug. "I don't hate you Sunset... If... If anything, I love you." Sunset looked up in shock at Rainbow Dash's confession.
"What...Why?" Sunset asked as she struggled to process the secret Rainbow Dash had told her. Rainbow Dash blushed deeply, glad for the cover of night. "Well you're just so like, beautiful and smart and funny and I love your smile when your happy and well I love the way you look so cute when you're embarrassed..." Rainbow Dash trailed off as she realised she was rambling and was still hugging Sunset. She let go hurriedly.
Sunset Shimmer looked awe-struck for a moment before pulling her gaze back to the girl before her. Suddenly Sunset felt a pair of lips press against her own, her eyes widening slightly before she slowly melted into the kiss and draped her arms around Rainbow Dash.
The kiss was over in a matter of seconds and Sunset leant her head in so it was resting against Rainbow Dash's. But the rainbow haired girl was panicking "Sorry I know I'm probably not your type Sunset, and things will be really uncool between us now that I've done that, and I'm sorry for doing that because I know you probably don't even like me in that way, and-" Rainbow Dash abruptly cut off as Sunset this time pressed her own lips against Rainbow Dash's, effectively quieting the athletic girl's rant.
When the kiss was over Sunset Shimmer laid her head on Rainbow Dash's shoulder and said, "Yeah... This isn't quite the way I'd expected things to turn out." Rainbow Dash laughed as she reached around and pulled Sunset into her. "Yeah I know, I'm that awesome. And I suppose you're fairly awesome too." She said, dragging out suppose as Sunset laughed.
As the two girls sat staring at the moon. Sunset let out her final sigh for the night, but this time, it was a sigh of contentment.