Of Cakes and Portals
The sun was just passing its zenith over Canterlot, and most of the ponies that call the capital their home were enjoying the remainder of their lunch and having a relaxing evening with friends and loved ones before they had to get back to the daily grind. Unfortunately for Celestia, she was not one of those ponies. No, she had her duties to perform and high noon marked the beginning of day court. That’s not to say that she was having a bad day though. In fact, she was having a particularly good day. She managed to wake up this morning in time to have some tea with her sister, Luna, who despite being back for only a month, was making amazing progress in learning modern Equestrian. Celestia was very proud of her sister, but she could also tell that Luna was still very much upset about what she had done and was trying to sequester herself to studying and staying out of sight. Well that wasn’t going to happen if Celestia had anything to say about it. She already had a plan forming on how to get her sister out of her doom and gloom state but it was going to take some time to get all of the supplies together.
After tea, they set off for their respective balconies and corrected the orbit of the celestial bodies as the sun rose from the East and the moon set in the West. Celestia smiled and waved good night to her sister before moving in the direction of her personal dining room where her breakfast was already waiting. She preferred to keep these sorts of things simple, so she had no complaints about the plate of scrambled eggs, apple slices, and some toast. It was nutritious, filling, and was everything a ruling sun princess needed, however; sometimes a princess needs something a bit more…..sweet. A mischievous grin played on her muzzle as she dutifully ate her meal and thought back to the rumor she heard about chef Sunrise getting a new assistant. After she finished her food, she picked up the empty plate and carried it beside her with her magic as she made her way towards the kitchen. This way if anypony asked, she could just say that she was taking it to the dishwasher near the front of the castle’s kitchen. This proved unnecessary though as the only sound that could be heard on the majority of her trip was the clip clopping of her own hooves against the polished marble floor. This didn’t really worry her since it was still only about 6:20 in the morning, and the work day for most of the castle staff didn’t start until 7:00. However, she knew of at least one pony that was up and that would be the one who made her breakfast, chef Sunrise Delight. Despite his name, he was a very (and this is putting it lightly) difficult unicorn stallion to get along with at the best of times, and at the worst he was as infamous as her nephew Prince Blueblood. When he first started working at the castle a little over three months ago, he had argued extensively with her over whether or not cake was an acceptable breakfast item, and unfortunately, he would not be dissuaded. Since then, Celestia has been forced to try and sneak her way into the pantry for her daily slice of cake. He was much keener than she gave him credit for, though, and she has not been able to have cake with her morning tea for over THREE MONTHS!!! But no, this morning was different. He would be too busy training his assistant to notice her, and she would be able to savor the sweet taste of victory.
Celestia was visibly shaking with pure excitement as she neared to door to the kitchen’s expo line and dishwashing station. She stopped at the doors and took in a deep breath and steadied herself before proceeding with her mission. She went through the swinging doors and immediately took a left and deposited the plate in the dishwasher. Next, she cast a noise cancelling spell on her hooves and made her way to the door in the back which led to the actual kitchen and then the pantry beyond. Before she even got close, she could hear Sunrise screaming his head off about some little imperfection that his assistant was responsible for. Celestia took a small peak through the window and saw the orange coated stallion with his short and bright red mane yelling at some poor mare. Luckily his back was turned to her and the only other one in there was the tan unicorn mare who was too busy balling her eyes out. Celestia felt her heart go out to the mare, but she couldn’t get lost in her sympathies. Now was the time to strike. Celestia opened the door without making a sound and crossed the room into the pantry without either of two ponies noticing. She couldn’t help but find an enormous grin plastered on her face. This is the furthest she had ever gotten and she could barely believe how close she was to her goal. She broke herself out of her astonishment and immediately started digging through the cabinets for her hidden slice of heaven. It took her about ten minutes but she finally found a carrot cake with cream cheese icing hidden behind a couple sacks of potatoes.
“Hello beautiful.” She whispered as she held the cake up to eye level and let out a single tear. She wasn’t going to waste any more time though and she set the cake on the counter before grabbing a knife in her telekinesis and cutting off a slice. Had she been paying more attention to where chef Sunrise was, she would have probably had an idea as to what was about to happen though.
“Sunny Side Up, stop that blubbering this instant and pay attention so I won’t have to repeat myself. I’m trying to tell you what you’re duties are in the morning.” He said sternly.
*sniff* “S-Sorry, sir.” Sunny said as she wiped her blood-shot eyes and cast her gaze to the floor.
“Good. Now as I was saying, after you have put away ALL of the dishware and ingredients and have made the kitchen so spotless that you wouldn’t mind eating off of it, you only have one last task you need to do before you can take your break.” He said while he picked up a sturdy looking wooden ladle with his magic and walked to the door of the pantry.
“Okay. And what exactly is that?” Sunny asked as she arced an eyebrow trying to figure out why he had grabbed the ladle.
“Never, EVER let Celestia have cake for breakfast.” And with that he kicked the door open and threw the ladle with enough force to knock out an Ursa Minor.
Celestia was just about to take a bite out of her addict- slice of culinary perfection when she heard a voice that paralyzed her with fear and meant that she may not see the light of another one of her days. “Never, EVER let Celestia have cake for breakfast.” The next thing she knew the door was being kicked open and a loud smack reverberated around the room followed by a very painful stinging sensation coming from her rump. This spurred Celestia back into action as she raised onto her back legs and doubled over herself.
“I told you to stay out of MY kitchen Sunbutt!!!” He screamed. With her hooves flailing and scraping on the marble floor Celestia quickly righted herself back up and made a mad dash towards the second door that lead from the pantry to the kitchen while still holding onto her slice of cake with magic. “Oh no you don’t.” Sunrise said with determination as he grabbed the ladle off the floor via magic and ran after Celestia while making swipes at the floating piece of cake as well as Celestia herself. As they both disappeared into the kitchen, Sunny just stood there wide-eyed and mouth agape trying to process what just happened. No matter how she spun it in her head though, she could only come to one conclusion.
‘My boss is completely buckin’ psychotic.’ She then turned around while taking off her apron and began to think of as many excuses to tell her parents as to why she couldn’t take the job at the castle in Canterlot.
A little while later Celestia found herself in her study covered in spoon shaped red marks, sweat, and a bit of cream cheese icing. She truly couldn’t be happier. Sunrise may know every little nook and cranny in the kitchen better than anypony else, but the rest of the castle is Celestia's domain. After a few twists and turns, she had managed to lose him and made her way to her study where she could enjoy her hard earned prize. It’s a good thing she lost Sunrise a few minutes ago too because she had a fair amount of paper work to get through before day court started at noon. Just then a cheery secretary pony with a light purple coat and a light turquoise mane walked in carrying a large stack of papers in front of her. “Here you are your highness.” She said as she placed the papers on the desk in front of Celestia. “Is there anythi-“ the mare stopped short and became expressionless as she got a good look at her majesty.
Celestia looked up from the paper she was examining and raised an eyebrow at the mare. “Yes?”
“Um, nothing your highness. But you have something …white and uh, creamy on your nose. And you seem to be sweating....and have red marks all over you.” Written Scroll hesitantly pointed out.
Celestia went cross-eyed and sure enough there was some extra icing that had escaped her. She smiled and lifted her hoof to her nose to extract the offending confectionary substance and then proceeded to look her hoof clean. “Mmmmmmmmmmm.” Celestia moaned sensually before licking her lips just to make sure she got it all. She then noticed the mare still standing there as stoic as a guard with the only exception being her twitching left eye. “Is there anything else?”
“No your majesty. I hope you have a pleasant morning.” She said with a completely neutral tone and then went to leave the room.
“Well, I already have Miss Scroll but thank you anyway. Try not to work yourself too hard.” Written Scroll couldn’t reply. She just couldn’t and left the room without missing a beat. Celestia couldn’t help but giggle a little bit at the whole display.
‘I can’t think of anytime in the last century that I’ve had this much fun in a single morning.’ Celestia thought with a smile as she relaxed on her seat cushion. ‘Today is going to be a great day.’
Back in the present time, Celestia was most definitely NOT having a good time.
“-and that is why the playground at the orphanage should be demolished to make way for the spa, and furthermore the-“ Celestia zoned back out and tried her best not to get off of her throne and shove a broomstick so far up this posh and self-important mare’s ass that she could be used as a chimney sweeper. This sort of thing doesn’t happen often, but when it does, Celestia has to wonder where she went so wrong in leading her little ponies. Day court is usually reserved for important matters of state like trade agreements and discussion on social and civic policies, but occasionally a young and up and coming noble will grease a few hooves to get an appointment and try to push their own agenda while making a name for themselves. This beige unicorn mare, for instance, is of minor nobility and just inherited a large amount of real-estate. All of which is located in downtown Canterlot and surrounds an orphanage funded by the royal treasury, so in order to raise the property value, she is trying to have the orphanage replaced with a small resort. If Celestia could just find some distraction for the next couple of minutes while this mare finished up, she might be able to enjoy the rest of her day. As if on cue, a guard carrying a letter entered through the main door and discretely approached Celestia while the mare continued without even noticing. Celestia took the letter and nodded to the guard who saluted and returned to his station. She opened the letter and read the first few lines written on it. ‘Finally something to get this mare out of here.’ Celestia thought with no short amount of relief.
“-the community will benefit far more from my-“
“I’m sorry Miss Scrooge, but a very important matter has come to my attention and it must be addressed post haste.”
“B-B-But you haven’t even heard my best points for including the bar and gaming room. Surely you will have me rescheduled for another appointment, so we can finish having this discussion on improving our community.”
“Hm? Oh no Miss Scrooge you don’t seem to understand. I came to my decision when I read the summary of your appointment this morning. And the answer is no. Quite frankly, I am appalled that anypony would suggest the destruction of Equestria’s oldest and most successful orphanage. It has given new life and new hope to thousands of children all across Equestria, and you wish to take that away from future generations just so you can increase the value of your assets. You should be ashamed of yourself. Now, this discussion is over and day court is suspended for the rest of the evening. Have a good day Miss Scrooge.” Celestia said without breaking her motherly demeanor even once.
“W-W-What? How dare you judge m-“
“HOW DARE I!?!” Celestia’s smile and soft expression turned to a hard glare with the fire of a thousand suns as she stood from her dais and made her way to the mare. “You come in here and ask- no, you command me to tear down a building that I have funded for the last thousand years all for the love of my little ponies, and you insult me further by actually believing that you could pull the wool over my eyes and out-wit me for your own personal gain!!!” Celestia was now muzzle to muzzle with the cowering mare as she dropped her voice to drive the point home. “Do not forget whose castle you’re standing in Miss Scrooge, and if you ever come to me under these circumstances again I will throw you out the front gates myself and bring the power of the sun down on you.” Celestia took a step back and pointed toward the door without taking her eyes of the mare. “NOW LEAVE!!!” Celestia was honestly surprised at how fast the portly mare could move with the right motivation, and just like that she was alone in the throne room, with the exception of her guards of course. She took a deep calming breath and counted backwards from ten.
*sigh* “Alright, you can send him in.” The main doors opened revealing a tall middle-aged grey unicorn stallion with a silver mane and tail and a trio of interlocking cogs as his cutie mark. As soon as he could clear the doors, he immediately began marching over to Celestia. “Ah, Top Notch, it’s always a pleasure to see you. I’m assuming you came here to tell me all about your latest research project and how it’s going to catapult our people into the future. You truly could not have come at a better time.” She said with a genuine smile at seeing one of her older and more sincere friends who just so happened to be the lead researcher of the castle's R&D department. However, as he got closer she could make out a frown on his muzzle and it seemed to deepen as he came nearer.
“Yes, I heard from outside, but I’m afraid that I’m not here on a social call, Celestia. There is a grave matter that must be discussed immediately.” Celestia knew this kind of seriousness would not go unwarranted from Top. He usually would have made a joke about the mare that looked like she was about to make a mess on the floor.
“Alright, Top. What’s the problem?”
“There is something syphoning off the magic from several key nodes in ley lines all across Equestria.” Celestia just stared at Top for a good few seconds and let that sink in.
“If this is some kind of joke Top, it’s in very bad taste. The last time the ley lines were affected by anything was when Luna and I were fighting Discord, and even then, when he was trying his hardest, he could only make a small crack in one of them. We tried everything to repair it, but nothing would have any effect. Not even the elements of harmony could do anything, and the line eventually weakened over a thousand years and broke.” Celestia knew by the sinking feeling in her chest that Top was being serious, but she was hoping against hope that this wasn’t real and was just really bad humor on his part.
“Yes, the Everfree Forest never has been the same since its ley line fractured and became inert. But I assure you Celestia that this is not the same situation, and this is not a joke. I have personally tested and recalibrated our equipment and there are now ten known areas with a 50 mile radius that have a magic absorption rate of exactly 0. Just like you, we feared that something had caused these nodes to fracture or break all together, but all of our scans suggest that all of the affected ley lines are completely fine and are not being stressed beyond their normal output. We concluded from our scans that some sort of magic portal is being used to syphon the energy directly from the nodes in the ley lines. We managed to isolate one and we hauled several rune and glyph decryption specialist out to it in hopes of finding out its purpose, place of origin, etcetera. Unfortunately, as soon as they cast their spells, most fell to the ground writhing in agony from the sheer complexity of the spell used to create the portal. Only one stallion managed to hold the spell long enough to get an actual look at it and he’s now in surgery for a brain aneurysm and hemorrhaging. Before he passed out though he managed to tell us one thing about the portal, which honestly just makes this whole situation more vexing than if the nodes had broken from overuse.” Celestia’s already sinking feeling decided to take a dive off a steep cliff as she couldn’t imagine something worse than permanently losing magic in certain parts of the country. Top took a deep breath as if he couldn’t quite believe the words that were about to come out of his own mouth. “He said that the portal’s end point is nowhere in Equestria or even on this planet. He said that the distance it's traversing is practically immeasurable and that it’s too structured to just be some natural phenomenon.”
“Top…are you trying to tell me that somehow, somewhere there is an alien force that has the ability to directly affect our ley lines and not even be on the same planet as us. AND they are effectually stealing all of the magic out of key areas across Equestria AND can continue to expand their influence on our world?” Top lowered his head and took on a more somber mood.
“I know that it’s a hard pill to swallow Celestia, but it’s the only working theory we have right now.”
“…”
“…”
‘And to think, the day had started so great too.’
“Okay.” Celestia took a moment to collect her thoughts and think of a plan. “So what can we do about them?” Top’s frown turned sullen as he looked back up at his friend.
“This is the part where I actually tell you more bad news Celly. We’ve been trying everything we can think of to at least have some kind of effect on the portals but each time they just destroy whatever machine we try to use or incapacitate whoever tries to confront it directly. These portals are at least as strong and impenetrable as the ley lines themselves.” As Top looked at Celestia he could see nothing but the leader that has directed Equestria's prosperity for the last few millennia, but when he looked in her eyes, he saw the sorrow and fear playing behind them, a mirror image to his own most likely. He felt terrible for being the bearer of bad news, but this last part was what was eating him up more than anything else. “I’m sorry Celestia but there’s nothing we can do. I’ve failed you, and we are completely helpless right now.”
“You have not failed me Top. I don’t have the power to stop this either, but we’re not just going to give up. The harmony of Equestria has overcame all of the obstacles thrown at it, and I am confident that it’s not going to choose now to abandon us in our time of need.” Celestia proclaimed with finality and pulled her sullen friend in for a hug before whispering to herself what was on both of their minds.
“May Faust help us all.”