A peaceful, blissful sleep enveloped Rainbow Dash. The clouds were extra fluffy today. They usually were this time of year, but even so, she found it hard to resist snoozing away the day. Oh, sure she was supposed to arrange a little bit of rain for the farmers before the morning sun slipped passed its noon day zenith, but it was so warm here, nestled among the fluffy cumulonimbus. “If anyone asks, I’ll just tell them I caught a cold or something and had to lay in a few hours to get my strength up. Besides, I can corral a few storm clouds in no time.” The thought barely had time to register before Dash felt a presence next to her. She opened her eyes slowly. The image in front of her was blurry, but there was no mistaking the face of a draconequus with its mouth wide and fangs bared to take a chomp out of her face!
With a shrill scream, Rainbow Dash rolled away from the terrifying visage and off her fluffy cloud. She tumbled, end over end, in free fall until she remembered that she had wings. Flapping her wings frantically, the blue pony managed to stop herself just before she hit the ground. She turned back to see if the terrible monster were chasing her...only to see a familiar pony descending from the clouds on a flying contraption, laughing herself silly. Pinkie Pie grinned at her friend in pranks and gave her a little wink once she was close enough that the other pony could hear. “You should see the look on your face!” The pink pony gasped between bouts of laughter, “Priceless!”
Dash and Pinkie had often gone pranking together around town, but Pinkie Pie had never woken her out of a dead sleep with such a mean prank before. She was a little angry, “Haha...very funny Pinkie. Sorry, but I forgot to laugh, since I almost bashed my brains out on the ground!” Pinkie just kept laughing which only irritated the chromatic flier more as both she and Pinkie’s flying contraption touched down. “Seriously Pinkie, I could have gotten hurt! That wasn’t funny!” Pinkie Pie brushed a tear from one eye and managed to stop her chuckling with a contented little sigh. She turned bright, shining eyes on her bestest best friend, but her face was otherwise expressionless.
“Lighten up Dashie! April Foal’s day only comes around once a year.”
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All throughout the day, havoc reigned throughout Ponyville. There wasn’t a single filly or colt that was not touched by the mayhem. Rarity found that all of her jewels had been inexplicably replaced with marbles. Every book in Twilight’s Library had been re-arraigned back to front, upside down, and in reverse order. The Cake’s found huge hairy spiders crawling through their flour though, on further inspection, they turned out to be mere rubber. The wheels on Scootaloo’s scooter were replaced with blocks. Even the Mayor of Ponyville herself was not immune as her late afternoon luncheon was interrupted by several live lobsters crawling off the serving tray to snap at the visiting dignitary’s from Trottingham!
Most of the ponies gave an annoyed little chuckle after they had a chance to look at the calendar and see what day it was. Rarity found her jewels beneath the marbles, Twilight’s books had actually been better arraigned than they had been before, once they were turned the right way up, and fortunately the dignitary’s from Trottingham actually loved fresh lobster. Perhaps not quite THAT fresh, but they saw it as a somewhat backward sign of welcome and respect. All these little pranks were harmless, if unexpected. Usually they would’ve been ignored and forgotten over time.
Except...they didn’t stop! What had once been a day of merryment known as the Feast of Foals had morphed into a week long reign of misrule! As it went on day after day., the pranks became less like harmless jokes and more like wanton vandalism. No one was safe and no prank was pulled on the same pony twice. When things had finally gotten so bad no pony could so much as leave their homes without fear of a bucket of whitewash landing on their heads or a banana peel beneath their hooves, a meeting was called in the town square. Accusations flew left, right, and center, but for all the complaining and suspicion not a single soul had actually seen anypony pulling these pranks. Without any evidence to go by, or any witnesses, the council could not act. Hearsay and conjecture would not be enough to bring the culprit, or indeed culprits, to justice.
Fortunately for everypony, there was somepony who knew exactly what was going on. She just wasn’t at the town meeting. Instead, Rainbow Dash paid a visit to Twilight Sparkle early the next day, to ask her advice.
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The library was dimly lit with candles even though it was morning. All the light bulbs had been replaced with tulip bulbs. Twilight got the joke, it just wasn’t very funny, especially given how flammable some of the older manuscripts were. However, being a bookworm in a library and unable to read was absolutely unthinkable! With a little ingenuity, Twilight had engendered a magical flame that burned just below the temperature at which paper burst into flames. If she were to put a book near one of the candles it wouldn’t harm, or even so much as singe, a single scrap of parchment. She was proudly admiring her work when she noticed the sound of one of the library’s windows opening. She turned expecting to see her pet Owlowicious back from where ever it was he went off to hunt in the night. Instead she saw her good friend Rainbow Dash with a rather sheepish look on her face.
“Heya Twilight...uh...have ya got a minute?” Usually the rainbow maned mare was a pony of action, Dash may not have all the answers, but it was rare that she wouldn’t at least pretend that she did. So much so, in fact, that Rainbow Dash was the last pony Twilight expected to come to her for help. She smiled inwardly at the trust that must mean she was building up with the flier. As she landed somewhat shyly among the stacks of well read books, Twilight magically adjusted her hair and put on a pair of spectacles.
“Why of course Rainbow Dash!” Said Twilight, as she used her magic to open a drawer to withdraw a pen and notebook. “I’ve always got time for my friends. Tell me, what’s troubling you?”
Dash looked around nervously as if looking to make sure no one were listening in. This was done somewhat dramatically as she opened all the cabinets in a flash, knocked on the walls and the ceiling, peeked behind the bookshelves, and even took a quick glance beneath the throw rug before finally coming to a stop again and whispering to Twilight Sparkle, “It’s not really about me. Do you have a way of making sure that this conversation is...private?” Twilight blinked at this dramatic display of paranoia. Whatever was bothering the blue filly, it must be something serious.
Twilight screwed up her eyes as she thought. Then a bulb flashed in her head, it would’ve been a light bulb, but for some reason it was a tulip that grew instead. “I think I may have a spell that could make it so anypony overhearing our conversation would just hear us talking gibberish. Is that what you had in mind?” A look of immense relief washed over Rainbow Dash’s face.
“That sounds perfect! Can you cast it now?”
“Why of course!” Scrunching up her eyes, Twilight’s horn glowed brightly, until with a flash the pair of pony’s were engulfed by a transparent bubble that swelled around them before silently popping.
“Did it work?”
“Um...I think so.”
“Is there...any way we can tell?”
Fortuitously Spike, Twilight’s baby dragon assistant, wandered into the library from his sleeping basket just at that moment. The purple unicorn turned to Spike and bid him good morning. Spike rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then said “Say what?” This time Rainbow Dash said good morning as well, a smile spreading on her face. Spike twisted one pinkie claw in his ear as if there were some kind of obstruction within. “I’m sorry, I’m just not getting it. What about clowns and...tangelo’s?” The two ponies smiled at each other and Twilight simply set a glass of orange juice in the baby dragons claws and spun him around towards the kitchens for the rest of his breakfast.
“I think it’s safe to say that the spell was a success. For now anyways, it only has a limited duration. So what did you want to talk to me about that needed so much privacy?” Asked Twilight Sparkle.
Rainbow Dash took a very deep breath, inflating her chest till she almost lifted bodily off the floor. “I didn’t know things were going to get so bad! She’s out of control! I mean I love playing pranks, anypony will tell you, I’m one of the best pranksters in Equestria, but even I have my limits. I thought she did too, but there’s just no stopping her! She’s leaving ME, me of all ponies, in the dust!” The frantic flier grabbed Twilight by the shoulders and shook her as she said this. “I just can’t keep up with her and no matter what I do I don’t seem to be making things any better! That’s not even the worst of it either. She expects me to stay loyal to her and keep her secrets but things are just getting way out of hoof! If she knew I was talking to you right now, I’m pretty sure I’d be losing her friendship FOREVER, but I just had to take that chance. For the good of Ponyville, no Equestria, you have to help me stop her!” She let the shaken Twilight Sparkle go and the unicorn had a hard time standing upright, so roughly had the powerful pegasus handled her.
“Whoa, whoa...slow down.” said the purple spell caster, “Just who is 'she'? Who are you talking about?” Even knowing the spell was in full effect, it seemed that Rainbow Dash had unconsciously omitted the name of the pony she had come to talk about. Looking around shiftily to make sure there was still no one around, Rainbow Dash leaned close and whispered the name in Twilight’s ear.
“...Pinkie Pie...”
“AHA!” Rainbow Dash jumped so high she smacked her head on the ceiling. Even Twilight had given a startled little jump, a random spark of magic from her horn sending her teleporting halfway up a step ladder for the higher book shelves. Pinkie Pie bounced through the front door, a grin spread from ear to ear, but her smile didn’t spread to her baby blue eyes. “I thought I might find you here Dashie! Did you forget we're supposed to pay a visit to Cheerilee this morning before she starts teaching classes? I’m sure she’d be VERY disappointed if we were late.” The pink pony batted her long eye lashes at the slightly shivering Rainbow Dash.
Twilight heard the pegasus say, “I’m sorry Pinkie, I was just uh...delivering some mail to Twilight from Cloudsdale. Yeah...she uh...just got a new book on weather...um...patterns, yeah!” But it was clear this wasn’t what Pinkie Pie had heard at all. A perplexed look came over Pinkie’s face.
“Why would you put bacon in soap?” Pinkie blinked in her confusion...and then the smile died on her face. Her eyelids drooped slightly, giving the pink party pony an uncharacteristically cynical look. “Oh, I see. A Hear-Tomorrow-Gone-Today spell, huh? Having a private conversation Dashie? Well, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Pinkie gave Twilight a look that could have kept icecream from melting for months. “I guess this was your work then? I think a No-Nonsense spell might have helped cover your first enchantment. Too bad.” As quickly as the change had come over her face, Pinkie’s smile was back and her eyes were shining bright. “Well okie-dokie-loki! When you girls are done you can find me at the school house! I’ll be waiting for ya!” With a giggle and a bounce Pinkie Pie was back out the front door, leaving a confused Twilight and a terrified Rainbow Dash.
“Uh...so what exactly was that all about?” Asked Twilight Sparkle, but Rainbow Dash was hiding under a table, clutching her legs to her chest and rocking back and forth.
“I can’t believe I was so stupid...why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut?” The clearly disturbed pegasus muttered to herself. “There’s no telling what she’s going to do to me now...no telling at all.” Twilight came over and waved a hoof in front of Dashie’s face. Her magenta eyes stared right through the spell caster.
“I said, what was all that about with Pinkie Pie!?” At the mention of their mutual friend's name, Rainbow Dash jumped up, flipping over the table and flew around in a circle in a panic asking over and over where she was. Twilight finally had to use her powers to grab Dash by her tail and tug her down to the floor with a loud thump. “She’s apparently at the school, or on her way there. Now finish telling me what you came to tell me. If Pinkie Pie already knows you’re talking to me in private, you can't exactly get in more trouble for telling me what you came to say, right?”
Dash’s eyes glistened with tears as she rolled over on her back and looked up at her friend, her hooves tucked up against her chest defensively. She looked into her friends kind, but determined, face and relented. “Your right...I guess the cats out of the bag now anyways. All the accidents that have been happening around town lately? Not just the harmless buckets of white wash or the rubber chickens, but I mean the big stuff like that barn that burned down and those scary loud noises in the sky? Well...they weren’t accidents. They were pranks that Pinkie and I were playing.”
“You and Pinkie are the culprits everypony has been looking for!? You two have been playing those awful practical jokes?” She paused for a moment, remembering something that suddenly filled her with outrage, 'YOU replaced my toothpaste with wasabi sauce!?” The cyan pony flinched at the look on her friends face as she yelled at her, but nodded in affirmation.
“Yeah...that one was actually pretty funny. Mean, but funny,” she said as she got back on her hooves. “That’s the thing though. The jokes started out funny and harmless, but we usually only prank for a day or two tops and then we stop. Pinkie has been going for a solid week and things are just getting worse. It’s not enough for her to get a chuckle out of it anymore, it’s almost like she’s getting a thrill from scaring everypony. It’s not just the pranks either...she’s been acting very differently. She’s all sunshine and gumdrops one minute, the next I swear she looks at me sometimes like I’m not even a pony, like I’m just some object for her own personal amusement. She’s really starting to freak me out and not just because I’m worried about what she might do to me, but because I’m worried about what’s happening to her. I feel like I’m losing my friend, but I don’t know how to approach her. Every time I suggest that we stop the pranks she just laughs without any humor and gives me the coldest look I’ve ever seen.” The flier spread her wings and gave Twilight a look of pleading as she said, “You’ve got to help me Twilight. I don’t want Pinkie to get in trouble, but this pranking has to stop!
It was a lot to take in, but thinking about it, the situation made a lot of sense to Celestia’s favorite student. Of course it had been Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash behind all the chaos recently. Here she’d been entertaining the idea that Discord was making a come back. In retrospect that was a pretty silly, pretty paranoid explanation. This made a lot more sense. “Alright Rainbow Dash, I’ll help you and we’ll talk this out with Pinkie together. Lets go to the school house and see if we can find her before she causes more trouble.”
As the pair were about to leave, they heard Spike muttering from the kitchen. “You know, I can’t quite put my claw on it, but my oatmeal tastes kind of different than it usually does.” They heard the little dragon scream, followed by a roar! “Oh sweet Celestia! There’s a bear in my oatmeal!” A purple blur that could have only been Spike ran through the library and out the front door, followed by a ravening, roaring, oatmeal covered bear. Both Twilight and Dash stared open mouthed as the pair faded into the distance. There was no telling when she had done it, but clearly Pinkie Pie had struck again.
“Wow...maybe we had better hurry.”
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By the time they arrived at the school it was clear it had already been hit hard, Pinkie Pie style. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were glued to a swing set that seemed to be spiraling out of control, Peppermint Twist's glasses had been replaced with a pair of soda bottles, Snips and Snails were both suspended from the top of the flag pole, and the aftermath of a myriad of other pranks were evident as students cried and ran about in complete disarray. Rainbow Dash did what she could to help outside while Twilight Sparkle charged into the school. It was a small building with but one classroom. As Twilight entered she was preparing herself for the worst. Even so, what she saw made her halt immediately and let out a gasp of shock.
The classroom was empty of students, but Miss Cheerilee was crammed into one of the diminutive desks designed for the young fillies, bound with jump rope, and gagged with an apple. As Twilight watched, the earth ponies eyes watered as the fattest, greenest worm she’d ever seen started to crawl out of the apple and towards the teachers face. That wasn’t what had arrested the unicorns attention however. The entire room was covered, floor to ceiling, with words scrawled in crayon. It was easy to see where one crayon had run out and another had been hastily used, so that the room was covered in rainbow repetition of the phrase “All school and no pranks makes Ponyville a dull town.” The desks, the windows, even the text books had been scrawled with the phrase! Everything except for the chalkboard. That alone was blank except for the words “Your Teacher today, Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie” underlined in pink chalk.
As she recovered from her initial shock, Twilight used her magic to unbind Cheerilee and remove the apple from her mouth, tossing it into the waste bin. The teacher wasted no time in bolting from the classroom., whether to check on her students or cry in a corner, who could say? “You shouldn’t have done that.” Came a voice from near the front of the classroom. Pinkie Pie slowly swiveled around in the teachers chair in dramatic fashion. Her pet baby alligator, Gummy, sat stoically in her lap as she stroked the bumpy scales along his back. “Recess isn’t for another two hours and we had a lot to educate Miss Cheerilee about. But you’re a good student, Twilight Sparkle. I guess we’ll just make do with you for the time being.” Pinkie set down Gummy gently on the teachers desk, where the alligator immediately fell over stiff as a board. The little fellow was petrified with fear.
“Pinkie...I don’t know what’s going on here, but lets just calm down and talk rationally. We’re friends right?”
The pink party pony grinned wide as she got to her hooves. “Oh the very best of friends Twilight! I think of all the parties we’ve thrown for each other, all the good times we’ve shared, and all the bad things we’ve been through together and I just get all warm and toasty inside!" She slowly tilted her head to one side and grinned from ear to ear. "Of course we’re friends, silly!” As she said this, she lifted a book from beneath the desk. Unlike every other book in the room, this one seemed free of the ominous crayon scrawl.
Twilight found her attention drawn to the book in Pinkie’s hooves as she asked. “Then as a friend, can you tell me why you’re terrorizing the town? I mean this just isn’t like you. You’ve always been about making others smile, making ponies laugh, making ponies happy! This doesn’t make any sense...to me or to Rainbow Dash.”
A cold look entered the earth ponies eyes, “It was Dashie that put you up to this, wasn’t it?”
The unicorn winced slightly, but continued, “Yes. But please don’t be mad at her! Neither of us want to see you get in trouble. She only told me about you being the pony behind the pranks because she’s worried about you. I can certainly see why too." Twilight surreptitiously tried to peek at the title of her friends book as she opened it, but couldn't read the title at a glance. "Pinkie...you always used to laugh and bounce everywhere you went. But now you seem so cold, so angry.”
Pinkie Pie smiled broadly as Twilight spoke. “Angry?” She giggled, “Oh don’t worry, I’m not angry with Dashie. I knew exactly what she was doing at your little library. It’s not like she’d be there to check out a book after all! But you are right about one thing... I am a little upset about something.” Pinkie leafed through the pages of her book as if she were looking for a particular page. She made a happy little squeak as she seemed to find the passage in question and took her eyes off Twilight long enough to read a sentence or two.
“What has you upset?” Asked Twilight, edging as close as she dared, planning to cast a spell to immobilize Pinkie in one shot. It would require her to be in close proximity.
“That you’re planning to cast an immobilization spell on me no matter what I say.” The series of events that followed this were too mind boggling for anypony’s brain to accurately recall, but from Twilight’s perspective, just as she cast her spell Pinkie lifted her book. The spell slammed into the book rather than the pink pony and rebounded, colliding with Twilight Sparkle and rendering her completely incapable of even the slightest movement save for her eyes and mouth. Even her magic was frozen! Pinkie Pie grinned coldly. “You see, this book tells me everything everypony around me is thinking, or has ever thought, or ever will think. I know when and where each of you will be at any given time of the day. I can tell you what Princess Celestia is up to right now. I could even tell you why you’ve had that foreboding sense that Discord has re-awakened.” Pinkie Pie clopped over to Twilight and gave her a little kiss on the end pf her nose. “I’m not going to, but I could!”
“What...what...” Twilight struggled against her own spell. “What is that book?”
Pinkie held it up so that Twilight could read the title, “Broken”. There didn’t appear to be an author or any other writing on the books cover, but that one word unaccountably sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine. “Ever since I started reading this book I’ve known the punch line to every joke.” Said the earth pony sadly, “I’ve known what I’ll eat everyday, I’ve known what I’ll do with my friends everyday, I’ve known what they really think of me and I’ve discovered what I really think of them. Every moment of every day planned out like clock work. The knowledge in this book made me laugh at first...but now I find I can't laugh genuinely. I can’t smile and mean it." Pinkie turned her back on her friend and went back to the desk, rummaging around until she found something long and black. She walked back to Twilight slowly, the object clutched tight in her teeth. "So a thought occurred to me, why go by what’s written in this book? Why don’t I change things, why don’t I make it so that nothing written in this book ever happens again!? THAT’S when I got my smile back!” Pinkie Pie used the permanent ink pen and started to lazily draw on Twilight’s face, giving her a mustache and glasses, as well as a few wicked scars. “I know it’s not really like me, but if I can’t smile then how can I make anypony else? It’s for everypony’s benefit if I change things here in Ponyville. If I can make things more interesting, more exciting and less...predictable, why shouldn't I?”
Twilight couldn’t believe what her friend was saying. She sounded just like...a thought occurred to Twilight then that burned in her mind. She sounded just like Discord. “Who...who...gave you...that book!?”
The pink pony paused in her artwork and stared at Twilight. To the unicorns surprise, she snorted and almost choked on the pen in her mouth before spitting it to the floor. She quickly followed it, collapsing into a heap as she rolled on the floor laughing her tail off. “Of all the silly questions to ask!” She managed through bouts of laughter. She seemed to be laughing heartily and genuinely, the peels of laughter rising in pitch to hysterical levels. Her eyes were streaming tears, and her nose snot, before she finally caught her breath long enough to answer. “That...that wasn’t a question I expected," she said trying to wipe the mess from her face, "The answers easy Twilight. You gave me this book. I got this from you!”
The world was enveloped in nothingness. In a single moment, it was as if an icepick had been shoved through the back of Twilight Sparkle’s skull, flooding her mind with cold and doubt. As the darkness spread through her mind, she knew the void in it’s most complete and utter form. From this realm of shattered hopes and dreams a single being rose, towering above the emptiness of a myriad broken worlds.
“Oh dear, and you were doing so well. Tell me Twilight, is that really all it takes to destroy your fragile hold on reality?” Discord smiled down upon the form that had been Twilight Sparkle, once long ago, a monolith of chaos among the fine dust of time and space. “Spare me the dramatics, please. I knew you ponies had a pathetically weak grasp on multi-linear time streams but I simply cannot believe this is enough to make you fall, ahem, to peices.” He chuckled lightly at his own joke, the laughter booming through a void that quickly swallowed every scrap of sound.
There was a blip of light and magic, and where there had been nothing before, a shell resembling Twilight took her form. She was grey from the tip of her horn to the ends of her hooves. “So you were behind all this?” The unicorn, composed of the ashes of her world blinked stardust from her eyes. She stared into the abyss...and it made a funny face back at her.
“Of course not! You haven’t been paying attention at all Twilight.” Saying that, Discord moved toward the fake unicorn and slowly became smaller and smaller. Perspective was all wrong here, by the time he was close enough to touch the distraught Twilight, he was no bigger than her hoof. He flew up to her shoulder and reclined on a puff of nothingness. “As I said, you were doing well up until this breakdown. Is Celestia aware of how often you go through these little episodes? I can’t imagine it makes you any easier to teach if a little bit of information that doesn’t conform to your view of the world is enough to bring that self same world crashing down around your ears.”
“I...don’t remember. It had been happening to me a lot lately. I’d do something and I wouldn’t remember doing it. That’s why I had the checklists...to make sure I didn’t forget anything, to make sure that I couldn't forget anything. Why am I forgetting so much now? Did I really give her that book?” She cradled Discord’s tiny form between her hooves and seemed to be begging him for answers with those cavernous, empty eyes.
“Hah! Spoilers! Now that would be ruining your story my dear! If it helps you get through this boring rough patch of yours though, I will say that you must consider the source. She is your friend after all. It’s entirely possible you could have loaned her something and not known its true power or form. Appearances can be deceiving, my little pony. Much like your paradise that we find ourselves in.”
“What is this place?” The being that had been Celestia’s favorite student mumbled.
“What, you don’t know? Why, this is your world Twilight! Your dream! Everything perfectly in order, a place for everything and everything in its place. Though everything is nothing and everyplace is no where. It is, however, perfect. Perfectly organized, perfectly still, and perfectly boring.” Discord dropped a pair of shades over his eyes and sipped on a milk of glass. “Personally I would’ve come up with something somewhere sunny with maybe a few chaotic waveforms and singing cats, but that’s just me. Of course, if you don’t like this reality, you’re always free to remake it. It is, after all, yours.”
“What does that mean? What does any of this mean?” Twilight wailed.
“Oh would you give it a rest with the endless questions!? You’re starting to give me a headache.” Discord tossed his shades and flew away, growing gigantic as he swelled into the distance. He turned and looked over his shoulder. “Then again, maybe that’s what makes you a good student, Twilight. Always questioning every thread of the fabric of your reality. I suppose it would be too predictable of me to leave you in this little situation. How about I help you... snap out of it?” With that, Discord snapped his talons.
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“Snap out of it Twilight!” Rainbow Dash shook the unicorn hard enough to rattle her teeth. As she did, Celestia’s favorite student could feel the spell over her breaking up like pins and needles on her skin. The potent paralyzation spell had finally worn off thanks to the timely intervention of her winged friend. She shook the numbness from her limbs and the cobwebs from her mind as she blinked her eyes. She was still in the school, it seemed some time had passed, though she couldn’t be sure how much. “What the heck was that all about Twi!? I come in here, expecting to find you and Pinkie and all I find is you standing in the middle of the room stiff as a board with some crazy drawings all over your face! You scared the horse apples out of me!”
Dash looked over Twilight with genuine concern. Giving a little shiver, she assured her friend that she was fine. “I think... Pinkie somehow managed to bounce one of my spells back at me. I resisted it as long as I could, but it was a powerful spell designed for arresting the movements of dragons. I wasn’t even sure if I could pull it off, to be honest, but it seems it worked pretty well. Perhaps too well. What’s been going on while I was out?” Dash brought Twilight up to speed. After the chromatic flier had managed to free, or otherwise assist, the many students that Pinkie Pie had pranked with the aid of Miss Cheerilee, the teacher and her students had left to get help. Dash had come inside expecting a fight and instead found Pinkie Pie long gone and Twilight as she had previously described. “So we’ve lost her for the time being. Shoot.”
“Well, I know the places she’s most likely to hit next. Maybe we could try and lay a trap for her, catch her off guard? Beat her at her own game, ya know? I’m a pretty good prankster myself.” Said Rainbow Dash, chest swelling with bravado. Twilight Sparkle just shook her head.
“It would never work. I don’t really know how, but Pinkie Pie has gotten her hooves on a tome of incredible magical power. She claims to have gotten it from me, but there are very few books of such power even in legend. If such were in my possession, I would surely know about it.” Twilight put her hoof to her chin thoughtfully. “Although... It may be possible that I could have had a book and not known it’s true power if it were cleverly enchanted.”
“You’re trying to tell me Pinkie’s acting all crazy because of a book!?” Exclaimed Dash as the pair of ponies left the school house, walking back in the direction of Twilight’s library.
“Something like that. I’m afraid I only know what I remember her telling me after my spell backfired. From the sound of it, the book has somehow granted Pinkie Pie a degree of omniscience. She knows what we’re thinking, so she’d know any plan we could come up with while we were coming up with it. There’s also the unfortunate fact that my magic would seem to be useless against her so long as she has the book near her, so even a mindless full frontal assault would likely fail.” Pondered Twilight aloud as she opened the door to her library home.
“I’d be willing to at least try!” Shouted Rainbow Dash, rising into the afternoon air with two powerful bursts of strength from her wings. “She might know what’s coming, but that doesn’t mean she’s all powerful! There has to be a way for us to stop her before things get even more out of hand!” She cried, voice echoing in the empty library. Twilight herself had moved deeper into her abode, searching for something that she felt would be indefensible at this moment and time.
Twilight found her wash cloth and dampened it in a nearby water basin in her kitchen. With the aid of her reflection in the side of her toaster, she began to try and dab away the ‘hilarious’ doodles Pinkie Pie had left on her face, particularly trying to rub away the mustache. It didn’t help much, aside form spreading a black mess all over her face. She’d probably have to wait for it to fade on its own. “Well by all means Dash, if you know where she is, try your best. Since you two are such close friends I’m sure she’d never even suspect you’d be coming for her.” Twilight rolled her eyes, her sarcasm blatant in her voice.
“Well there has to be something we can do!” Snorted the impatient pegasus, she was quickly losing her composure.
“I’m afraid I’m fresh out of ideas. The only thing I can think to do is try to find the origins of this book of Pinkie’s. The title, ”Broken”, does seem like one I have seen before, but I can’t think of where. Spike and I can search the library records and see if it truly ever was on our shelves, but I highly doubt it. I’ll get Owlowiscious scouring the older tomes to see if there’s any mention of it in the legends of Equestria’s distant past as well. In the meantime...” Twilight tossed away the soiled washcloth in frustration. She’d managed to make her entire face black as coal. When Rainbow Dash saw she tried to hold it in, but she couldn’t help bursting out with laughter. Twilight gave her a dirty look, but continued. “In the meantime, Dash, you can help by straining your brain and seeing if you can recall anything that might be useful to stopping our friend!”
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Hours pass as day turned into night. The soft and usually soothing sounds of the evening punctuated by the distant screams of the victims of Pinkie’s new brand of 'comedy'. Twilight and her assistants were still pouring over their various tasks exhaustively when Rainbow Dash, who had been napping in the rafters, suddenly rolled off of her perch and fell to the floor so suddenly, Twilight thought the poor pony had fallen in her sleep. She landed on her hooves, however, and grabbed Twilight Sparkle, covering her friends mouth with her hoof. “Don’t say or think a single thought. I have an idea!”
With that, Rainbow Dash launched herself out of the nearest library window and flew through the star strewn sky, carrying her friend just beneath her. The pair moved so quickly that there was a small explosion followed by a rainbow in the dark. The world rocketed passed below Twilight’s hooves so quickly she thought she was going to be sick. As quickly as they had begun, they arrived at their destination, a small home just outside of Ponyville. Rainbow Dash sat Twilight down just outside Fluttershy’s and knocked frantically on the door. After a few moments the pegasus opened the door to her home, just a crack, and greeted them with a timid, “Who’s there?”
“No time to explain Fluttershy! You’ve got to let us in right now! The fate of Equestria is at stake!” Yelled Dash, forcing her way inside. It was clear that the yellow pegasus had been getting ready for bed. She was wearing a pair of green pajama’s with little bunnies embroidered all over them.
“Oh, my.” Mumbled Fluttershy.
Twilight Sparkle followed her friends inside, thankful to have her hooves back on solid ground, but still reeling from the speed of their impromptu flight. “You know, I think we were almost done with our research. For all we know there may have been some clue about where Pinkie got her book in that last stack of files...” She tried to say to Dash, but stopped as the blue flier whirled on Twilight and slammed Fluttershy’s front door behind her.
“Look, you told me to try and think of something useful that we could do to stop Pinkie Pie!” Yelled Rainbow Dash as Fluttershy cringed. “Well there’s nothing, okay!? If we can’t out maneuver her and we can’t out think her, there’s no chance we’re ever going to be able to find her, let alone stop her!” Dash paused and saw the friend that she had barged in on shivering slightly and lowered her voice. “But there is one thing I remember very clearly and it’s this. Fluttershy, how has your day been?”
With both her friends attention suddenly on her, the shy pegasus seemed to be trying to hide behind her hair. “Um...fine...my day I mean. It has been...fine.”
“Nothing out of the ordinary?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Um, no...”
“No pranks? Or unexplained phenomena?” Asked Twilight.
“Um...Angel played a trick on me earlier when I fed him his carrot. He, uh...threw it back in my face because I hadn’t sliced it for him." The look on her friends faces made Fluttershy feel as though she should clarify. "It was kind of mean, but I know he was just being a playful little scamp.” She said this smiling to show she held no hard feelings for her favorite pet.
“Just as I thought.” said Dash, “I remember awhile back I had this great prank planned involving a fake turtle squirt gun and a pond. We were just about to spring it on Fluttershy, too, when Pinkie Pie found out who we were about to trick. I remember her saying that no matter what, we could never prank Fluttershy. She said she was too sensitive, that even our most harmless pranks would hurt her feelings. Pinkie refuses to play any tricks on her. I figure if there’s any place in Equestria where we can come up with a plan, it’s here.”
Twilight Sparkles eyes brightened and she smiled hugely, “That’s brilliant Rainbow Dash! If she’s not actively reading any pages from her book that have to do with Fluttershy, we should be able to come up with a plan without fear of her discovering it.” Another thought occurred to her, however. “We can’t waste this opportunity though. If she decides she wants to prank one or both of us, she’ll notice we’re missing if she can’t find us where we ought to be in her book. We’ve only have, at best, a limited amount of time before she discovers where we've gone!”
The pair immediately screwed up their faces in poses of deep concentration. However, as the second hand scythed their time into oblivion, neither seemed readily able to come up with an idea to thwart their friends new abilities. “Um...excuse me?” Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash whirled on Fluttershy as one, displeased for having their concentration broken, but more frustrated that they didn’t seem to be coming up with any good ideas.
“WHAT!?” they said in unison.
Fluttershy cringed from the pair, but then a look of determination entered her soft green eyes. “I’'d like to help in any way I can.” Began the gentle pegasus, “But could one of you please explain to me what, exactly, is going on!?” She looked at her friends dumbfounded faces and added, “If that isn’t too much trouble I mean...”
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A new, miserable day dawned, gray and overcast. The air was sticky and damp, not a breath of wind stirred as the sky lightened from charcoal to lead. Ponyville had finally, gracefully been allowed a bit of peace. Sadly it could not hope to last. Beneath a copse of trees, a pony stirred.
She was exhausted and her eyes stung badly. It was getting harder and harder to get up now. It had been such a simple, innocent request. “Hey Twilight Sparkle!” she had said, “Got any neat-o books that might help me think up some awesome pranks for the feast of foals!?” Her friend had been uncharacteristically silent, but she smiled in a way that Pinkie knew meant she had a good book in mind. When she had taken the black leather bound tome from her friend and thanked her, she had gotten halfway down the road before she cracked it open and found every page a blank. It was a hilarious if somewhat mean trick, but if anypony could take a joke, it was Ponyville’s resident party pony.
Only, the pages didn’t remain blank for long. As a pony would drift near her, words would flood the page as if an invisible hand were writing them before her baby blue eyes. Pinkie wasn’t stupid and it didn’t take her long to work out that the book was magic, giving her a window into the thoughts of everypony around her. At first she’d experienced a naughty little thrill at learning all her friends most private thoughts, but as any filly would, she grew curious about what her friends really thought of her. The kindest thought she was a little crazy but harmless, the worst thought she was out right mad and in need of a leash. She’d gone to so much effort to be kind, to make others happy, that was her entire drive in life. Yet even pony’s she had known for years regarded her with a measure of apprehension.
As Pinkie Pie rose slowly, from the patch of earth she had bedded down in for the night, she realized that might have been the start of her current problems. It wasn’t so much that she knew the punchline to everypony’s jokes or that there were no more surprises for her. That was bad enough, but it had been her realization that even though she had gone to such an effort to make everypony happy, nopony truly understood her that really stung. Nopony really appreciated her. The pranks had started out as a way to make herself understood. They would be brilliantly intelligent prat falls that would make even the victims laugh themselves silly. But it hadn’t worked out that way. She could know what a pony was thinking thanks to her book, but she could not change what, or how, that pony was thinking. Surprise so quickly gave way to terror or anger, even with the most harmless prank.
Pinkie smiled grimly as she looked at her reflection in the still pool of water that she had been drinking from the night before. Her hair was a reflection of her life. The gathering storm had caused her hair to frizz out more than usual. Within her grasping curls she could see leaves, twigs, and other detritus she didn’t care to speculate upon. The choice to sleep out in the open away from everypony had been an obvious one. The choice to go from trying to delight, to trying to torment other ponies for her own amusement hadn’t been. Did she want to teach them all a lesson for not appreciating her? Did she really want them to suffer? Was it even funny to her anymore? She hadn’t laughed and meant it since Twilight had asked her that silly question about where she’d gotten her horrible book.
Thinking of the book, she turned to the black rectangle at her hooves. It seemed to call to her now, like an ache at the back of her eyes, at the back of her mind. There was a hunger inside her to know, not just others thoughts, but to know everything that there was to know. Where had this hunger, this obsession, come from? The bags under her eyes spoke of how little sleep she had managed to get thinking about what she had missed. As she opened the book and her blood shot eyes flickered from page to page, she suddenly gasped. A flash of light was followed by a crack of thunder so loud it left Pinkie Pie deafened. The smoking spot of earth marked where she had just been standing moments before. This was no arrant bolt, however, Pinkie had only managed to dodge it thanks to what she had read in her all knowing tome.
“That was a warning Pinkie Pie! Drop the book and come quietly or you’ll regret it!” The rainbow maned pegasus straddled a particularly angry looking storm cloud, the flashes of lightning rendering her features that of an angry goddess. Pinkie narrowed her eyes to angry slits as she smiled up at her old friend. Gently, it started to rain.
“This was the part I was looking forward to the least. I want you to know that Dashie.”
The chromatic flier spread her wings wide, preparing to give her cloud another kick. This time she wouldn’t miss. “Because this is where I kick your butt?”
With a laugh she barely felt, the earth pony replied, “No. Because this is where I make my treacherous friend look like a foal in ten seconds flat.”
Jagged forks of light pierced the heavens as the stench of ozone filled the air. The thick bolt of lightning blazed down from the clouds, only briefly illuminating Rainbow Dash’s determined features before flooding the world with too much brilliance to see. The bolt slammed into Pinkie’s upturned book and sent the cascade of energy streaming back to its source. The proud pegasus had only seconds to dodge, but she somehow managed to tumble off her cloud and launch herself like a living missile at her one time friend. The resultant explosion as she slammed into the earth below sent twigs and leaves flying in every direction, but Pinkie Pie herself remained untouched.
“Come on Dash, I think you can do better than that.” Mocked Pinkie Pie. Snorting in anger, Dash launched herself at her friend again. She was a blur of hooves and teeth, but every blow seemed to be dodged, parried, or otherwise blocked. To her horror, she realized that Pinkie was defending herself with only one hoof. With her other she held the book entitled ‘Broken’ that Twilight had told her about. The earth pony wasn’t even looking at Dash, she was smiling slightly as she read. This caused the blue flier to hesitate. She really shouldn’t have. “Oh, are you done already? This is going to be shorter than I thought!”
Rainbow Dash made a sudden lunge to try and take the book away from her friend, but as she went for it, Pinkie tossed the tome into the air. Moving so fast even Dash couldn’t follow, the earth pony pulled a zip tie out of her hair and preceded to secure one of Dash’s wings to her back leg. Her balance destroyed along with her ability to fly, the fastest flier in all of Equestria found herself splashing down into a puddle, unable to find purchase for her remaining hooves. “That’s...that’s not fair!”
As her book came back down it landed on Pinkie Pie’s head, where it balanced perfectly. “Fair, Rainbow Dash? I thought fair didn’t matter to you...only winning.” She said the words with more venom than she really felt. Her best friend was rolling helplessly in the mud after all. “Looks like you lost. Better luck next time Rainbow Dash.” With that, Pinkie turned to trot away. Without warning, Twilight Sparkle teleported in front of Pinkie. Eyes and horn both blazing with magic, there was another flash of light, but this time no thunder. The pink pony merely smiled, her eyes protected by a pair of sunglasses that she had lifted from Rainbow Dash as they had struggled with one another. “You really do think I’m stupid, don’t you Twilight? If I can’t see, I can’t read, was that your plan? I don’t need the book to see through such transparent thoughts.”
Rain fell steadily now, the sound of the fat droplets a gentle staccato in the dust churning to mud beneath their hooves. Both of the pony’s manes hung limp and straight. If it weren’t for their coloration and their differing species, they might have been twins, so similar was the intense look that passed between them. Twilight was the first to blink. With a heavy sigh, she said, “You’re right Pinkie. I’ve misjudged your intelligence. You’re much smarter and more capable than we have given you credit for. But before you run off, and do Celestia knows what, would you find it in your heart to do me one last favor? For the sake of our friendship?”
Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Pinkie Pie let her book slide down the front of her face and into her hooves. “Okie dokie...” she said somewhat hesitantly. “What exactly do you want?” Thunder, and the still floundering Rainbow Dash, grumbled not too far away.
Twilight Sparkle turned sad eyes on her friend. “I know you might not believe me, but I really have no memory of ever giving you that book. I’ve searched the library high and low and there’s no trace of that book having ever existed before it turned up in your hooves. If you’d indulge me...could you turn to that part in your book and tell me what exactly happened?”
There was a softening in Pinkie’s eyes. The blue chips of ice were melting slightly. “Gee, Twilight, I thought you were just kidding earlier. You really don’t remember?” When the purple unicorn nodded in affirmation, Pinkie flipped open her book to the first page. “This better not be a trick...” As Pinkie read, a worried look creased her brow. “No... No, no, no! That’s not how it happened. Where’s the... Why is this page blank? What’s going on?” As Pinkie tried to make heads or tails of a narrative that she herself did not recall, the rain slowly ate away at the words. As fast as the ink wrote itself onto the page, the steady rush of water washed it away. This was exactly what Twilight was waiting for. With a sudden bound, the unicorn seized the book with her mouth and ran full tilt for the town square. Behind her Pinkie Pie roared with rage, “YOU TRICKED ME! GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!”
As the purple and pink blurs faded into the distance, a muddy Rainbow Dash muttered as she drug herself along the earth to higher ground, “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just leave me in the mud with the water rising. Some friends! Bleh!” She spat a glob of mud out of her mouth, settling for silent curses that she'd miss the last phase of their plan.
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Even using her magic to teleport ahead, Twilight Sparkle barely arrived in the middle of Ponyville before Pinkie did. When she was riled up, the party pony had a boundless supply of energy that could put even Rainbow Dash to shame. As it was, Twilight was exhausted. She silently vowed to herself that she’d spend more time exercising and less studying when this was all over. Well, a little more time exercising at least.
It was as these thoughts distracted her that Pinkie Pie pounced, landing hard on Twilight’s back. “GIVE IT BACK!” The earth pony roared, but even as she yelled this command, the force of her landing sent the tome flying from between Twilight’s teeth and sailing into a gathered throng of Ponyville’s populace. The entire center of town was flooded with ponies! It seemed the entire populace of Ponyville had turned out. Heedless of the throng, with hot tears of frustration and raindrops cascading down her face, the distraught party pony searched in vain in the mud for her prize. The crowd moved and shifted around her, rendered faceless by the water in her eyes. She was sure one of them must have it, one of them must be keeping it from her! “Where is it?” She sobbed, turning from pony to pony, each a stranger to her eyes. She couldn’t expect anypony to help her. “Where’s my book!?” She cried, but knew no pony would answer.
“Um...is this what you’re looking for?” The crowd parted. To Pinkie’s shock, Fluttershy hovered just above the ground. Pinkie's book, unharmed, was held between her hooves.
“YES!” She said joyfully, bouncing happily towards the pegasus. “Oh thank you so much! I don’t know what I’d do if I lost this now!” Fluttershy smiled cheerfully and gave the book to Pinkie’s outstretched hooves. As the soaked earth pony flipped the book open, a mass of snakes suddenly sprung from inside. She was so shocked she dropped the book in the mud. It was hallowed out on the inside. “You... You tricked me Fluttershy?” All around her the mood of the crowd began to change. They were laughing, despite the miserable weather. Even Fluttershy was laughing, gently, trying to hold it in with her hooves but a giggle or two squeaked passed. Then, for no reason that Pinkie Pie could explain at all, she started to laugh as well. She was laughing and crying at the same time. Fluttershy was the last pony she would have ever suspected of pranking her. It was too funny. It was too sad.
Fluttershy drifted towards Pinkie Pie and wiped away the tears from her face with a cloth that was already somewhat damp. “There, there now. Don’t cry. Everything’s going to be alright.” Hair limp and eyes watery, the confused little earth pony looked up at her friend. “You know Pinkie...I enjoy a good prank as much as any other pony. I felt a little left out when I heard about all the fun you and the other ponies of Ponyville have been having this week. If you want to play a prank on me sometime, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings, silly! I’m a year older than you after all!” Fluttershy smiled sweetly and hugged the bedraggled pink pony.”
“But... But I did soooo many horrible things!”
“Oh, I don’t believe that for a moment Pinkie. I know at heart you just want everypony to be happy. Everypony in Ponyville knows that!” The crowd nodded and smiled enthusiastically. “Even if you do express yourself a little...differently, sometimes.” Fluttershy’s words were enough to melt Pinkie Pie’s heart. She was already crying again, sobbing into her friends shoulder. As she did the sun, after struggling all day, finally managed to part the clouds. As the warmth of the beams of light washed over the crowd, they began to cheer and put up the party decorations they had been given earlier by Fluttershy. The banner read “Thanks for All the Laughs Pinkie!”
It was a wonderful, if somewhat soggy, party.
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Later on, Pinkie Pie went around apologizing to everypony for the way she had behaved. The entire town seemed inclined to accept Pinkie’s apology gracefully and there were even one or two that asked her how she’d pulled off a particular prank or three that had interested them. When it was all said and done, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle gathered at the library. Despite how well the party had gone, the four friends were uncomfortably quiet on their own. It was Twilight that broke the silence.
“We searched all evening, but no pony could find your book Pinkie. I think it’s for the best that it’s gone. But I have to ask, when you read it for the last time, what did the book show you?” Dash and Fluttershy shared an uncomfortable glance over Pinkie’s head, both clearly thinking this was a bad question to be asking so soon after Pinkie’s latest problems. The curly haired pony caught the look and merely smiled, if perhaps somewhat more pained than usual, at her friends.
“It’s okay,” the party pony said to reassure her friends, “It’s probably best I tell you now. I can already feel my mind numbing a bit. It was really intense having all of that knowledge crammed into my head.” She paused as if gathering her thoughts. “The page was blank, then the words that spread across the pages made a picture. It was a picture of me and of you, only it wasn’t you I was talking to. Somepony that was you, and that wasn’t you, gave me the book. At least that’s what the book said.” She looked pleadingly at Twilight. She seemed to almost be willing her friend to understand something she herself could not.
“I see,” said Celestia’s favorite student. “I thought it might be something like that. Sadly without the tome itself we’ll probably never know who really gave you that book Pinkie Pie. I’m afraid this might not be over yet.”
A dark look passed over Rainbow Dash’s face, “What do you mean? I know it’s early, but Pinkie seems to be back to her old self now that we’ve gotten that stupid paper pile away from her.” She was still a little sore from being zip tied earlier. It showed in that she stood firmly on the ground, rather than hovering as she usually would.
“That’s just it. If the problem wasn’t with Pinkie, then it was with this book and whomever gave it to her. We’re going to have to keep a sharp eye out for both, or we may end up having to go through this all over again.”
“Well...” began Fluttershy, “I can ask the birds and some of the other forest animals to help look. They can be very observant. I’m sure if there’s another Twilight Sparkle wondering around, they’ll be quick to spot her.” She smiled uncertainly.
“I guess that could work," said Twilight. "In the meantime, Dash, you should keep looking for that "stupid paper pile". If you find it, don’t be tempted to read it. I think it may cast a spell on whoever glances at its words for too long.” Dash saluted as she said this.
Pinkie looked down at her hooves. “I’m so sorry guys, for all the trouble I caused. I think...I need to go home and get some sleep in my real bed. I haven’t been home in so long I’ve almost forgotten what a pillow feels like!” Fluttershy and Dash both laughed at this. Pinkie remained oddly solemn.
---------------------------------
After they had left Twilight's, Rainbow Dash had gone off on her own, likely to help clear away the last whisps of storm that still lingered on the horizon. Fluttershy, however, walked Pinkie to Sugarcube corner, even though her house lay in the other direction. It seemed there was something weighing heavily on the timid pony's mind.
“Um...are you sure you’re okay? After the party started I sort of...noticed something. I didn’t want to mention it to the others but...” Pinkie Pie looked at her friend in the light of one of the towns many street lamps, one curl falling between her eyes. The light washed out their colors and made them both appear gaunt in it’s sulfuric glow. “Well, you were smiling a lot, but you never really laughed. Everypony seemed to be having a good time, it’s just not like you to not laugh even once.”
Pinkie seemed to think about what her friend had said. Then she let out a long sigh before she whispered, “I guess...I just kind of hate laughter right now. I worked so hard for it for so long...in the end it wouldn't come until somepony else intervened. Now that I have it, I'm not sure I even want it anymore. I think I’ve had enough laughter, at least for a little while.”
“But I thought laughter made you happy?” Fluttershy almost looked like she might cry, her friends words were so heartbreaking.
“Happy?" The earth pony seemed to consider the concept. Her curls fell in such a way so as to hide her eyes completely as she said "I don’t think so.” Pinkie just smiled sadly, and bid her friend good night.
Fluttershy was left vulnerable and unsure in a shrinking pool of light as her friend moved on alone, into the growing darkness.
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After Spike had gone to bed and Owlowicious had gone out for his nightly hunt, Twilight Sparkle sat up for a little while, one of her enchanted candles glowing gently in the dark. The light was so subtle, it barely illuminated the book that sat before the purple unicorn. It was muddy, but beneath the drying dirt cracked black leather shown through. The title could easily be picked out in raised letters of burnished gold. ‘Broken’.
Twilight took a deep breath, and opened the book. She paused, then began to flip through it. The pages turned slowly at first, then more frantically before she simply picked up the tome and threw it violently away from her, into the darkness of the lonely library.
Only one phrase appeared on every single page.
"Friendship is Magic"
