I just wanted a cup of coffee. Just one, small cup of caffeinated goodness to jumpstart my day. So, I decided to stop by Starbucks on my way to school that morning. I should've just kept walking.
I didn’t think it was so much to ask. I just wanted one, small cup of caffeinated goodness to jumpstart my day- preferably hazelnut flavored. Though really, at this point, anything would do. I just needed some caffeine to bring me out of zombie mode. I was already late for school, but I figured, as long as I was already late, I might as well stop for coffee, right?
I should’ve just kept walking.
This story takes place in my Thestral Universe, which I have been developing through its prequels “The Seventh Element” and “Secrets of the Everfree.” This story was NOT meant to be read by itself. Prior knowledge of the prequels is kind of required to understand everything else that's going on. I can't tell you what to do, but it would be helpful. As in, EXTREMELY helpful. You've been warned.
Tagged "Dark" and "Teen" due to themes of mild depression and semi destructive thoughts, but nothing too extreme.
“That’s it... one leg after the other...” I supported myself on the back of a chair as I struggled to pull on my pants.
*CRASH!*
“CURSE YOU, OLD PAPERWEIGHT CHAIR! YOU HAVE FAILED ME!” I must have been quite a sight, red in the face, mangy, frizzy bed hair sticking every which way, flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water as I struggled to pull on clingy and much-too-long pants up. Oh, and don’t forget about the piece of warped plastic by my head that once was called a chair.
*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!*
“AND I TOLD YOU TO SNOOZE!” Having finally proved victorious over the uncooperative garment, my finger came smashing down on the snooze button of my phone. Unfortunately, I managed to bend it just a hair outside the acceptable range, and suddenly I was squirming and writhing on the bed once more. “OOOooh,” I whined, coddling the injured appendage.
This just wasn’t my day. I had injured myself five times over the course of ten minutes (six if you counted that incident with the toothbrush), and in case you hadn’t guessed yet, I was running late. I had made the mistake of staying up late to watch a My Little Pony marathon last night, and slept through my alarm. And apparently, through all of my mom’s nagging demands that I get up and dressed this second. Rather than dousing me with ice water or physically rolling me out of bed as I would have expected, she left me to my fate... which was even worse.
Dad had already left for work, as had Mom. I’d missed the bus, and without my driver’s license (yes, I know, 17 and still not driving, it’s sad), that meant I was walking. The high school wasn’t too far away- it was only two and a half-ish miles, and there was a sidewalk the entire way. But, it would still take me an extra twenty minutes (fifteen if I ran) to get there, and I was already seriously late for class. I didn’t think I’d catch any of first period at all, which was bad, considering how far behind I already was in that class.
So naturally, I was panicking. I was a pretty decent student- straight A’s, in fact, the goody-two-shoes, the teacher’s pet, the good girl. I don’t think I had ever been late for class in my life, at least not without a legitimate excuse. The thought of turning up to Civics with a tardy slip made my stomach knot, though in hindsight, it was a foolish thing to worry about. But back to the present. I’m rushing (and struggling, if you’ve noticed) to get ready, and the only thing on my mind was getting my stuff and getting OUT of there. So after fumbling with my clothes a couple more minutes, whacking myself with a hairbrush, sloppily jamming all my books in my pack, and stabbing myself with a pen, I finally made it out the door... and returned moments later for my nearly-forgotten phone.
At long last, I was on the move, sprinting down my development and desperately trying to keep my balance as I whipped around the sharp turn onto the sidewalk. Luckily, I did not fling myself into traffic and managed to stay on course- the only thing that had gone right for me this morning. The thumping of my backpack beating against my back was the only sound that accompanied me down the vacant road. Strange... the road was usually still bustling even after school started. Just exactly how late was I? Panting, I glanced down at my wrist in search of my watch... which of course I had left at home. Ugh! I’d just check my phone when I got there.
Or not. I hadn’t realized how out of shape I was, and was forced to stop sooner than I’d like to admit. Wheezing and panting, I pulled over to the edge of the sidewalk, crouched over as huge gulps of cold air burned my throat. I was glad no one was out here to see this. I really needed to get out more often.
So long as I was stopped, I might as well check the time. I pulled out my phone. “NINE THIRTY EIGHT?!” Brilliant. Just brilliant. “Nice job, Megan,” I irritably hissed to myself. I had missed all of my first period. Now I’d have to go back to the middle of Civics, my favorite... that was sarcasm, by the way. I hated that class with a passion. I slid the device back in my pocket and looked around. So long as I was late, maybe I could play hookie and skip second period altogether, catch some lunch and make it back in time to go to the Technical Center. Yeah, that sounded good. My parents would probably get on me for it, but at the same time, it would be totally worth it.
I stuck my hands in my pockets, still breathing heavily. What would I do with myself for an entire hour? I was unsupervised, had a little money in my pocket... I was limited to attractions within walking distance, and there weren’t many of those, but that didn’t bother me at all. I felt like such a rebel, I was quaking in my shoes. Okay, better start with baby steps.
I heard a car approaching from the right, and turned to make sure I wouldn’t get run over. That was when I realized just exactly where I was. Starbucks was just another block away. I could run down and get some coffee, which sounded heavenly at the moment, considering I hadn’t even thought about breakfast this whirlwind of a morning. Before I had even mentally made up my mind that yes, I should be heading that way, my feet were on the move.
I had only reached the parking lot, and already the scent of fresh coffee grounds tickled my nose. My stomach growled in complaint at the tease. I blushed, making sure no one was around to have heard it. But sure enough, I was on my own. Thank goodness. I strode up to the sidewalk, mentally running over their menu. I knew their frappe’s were good... but I was in the mood for something hot. An expresso was sure to wake me up... or maybe a mocha? Preferably something- anything- with hazelnut in it... I mulled over the options and pulled open the door, fully expecting to be hit with a heavenly concoction of aromas.
Swampy. That was the only word that came to mind when I attempted to describe the horrible stench assaulting my nostrils. My focus returned to reality, or at least, I thought this was reality. But it couldn’t be, could it? I was just at Starbucks, completely prepared to make out with my daily dose of caffeine. But this was... a swamp? And what was that hairy beige thing sticking out in front of me?
With a yelp, I discovered it was my arm, still reaching out in preparation of opening the door. Er- at least I thought it was my arm. My fingers were gone, and for that matter, so was the soft padding of my palm. All that was left was a hard, knobby stump covered in... fur? Overall, it sort of looked like a bell-bottomed hoof. But that wasn’t possible... right? Well, neither was being teleported into the middle of a marsh, but my thoughts were already too muddled for me to be concerned with such technicalities at the moment.
I was trying to figure out what had just happened, really. Just, in the heat of the moment, I became somewhat distracted with waving my newly altered appendage around, if only to be sure it was really mine. But it flexed with every movement that I mentally ordered it to, and I even managed to trace it back to my body. At least, I thought it was mine. That was when I realized that the rest of my frame had been likewise altered, and noted with some embarrassment that my clothes were gone. So were my backpack and purse, actually. It had all been replaced by sandy, tan-colored fur that stretched taught over what I assumed was now my body. I hadn’t realized it until now, but I was standing on three legs, the fourth being the one I was still madly waving about. I found a tail sticking out of my rear, an unnaturally bold red-violet in color, the hair cascading down below my... hocks? That couldn’t be right. I couldn’t be... This wasn’t... Oh, dear lord, please don’t tell me-
My Little Pony. That was what I looked like. A FREAKING PONY FROM A CHILDREN’S TV SHOW! (Granted, it was a very good show that I enjoyed and watched on a regular basis, but STILL!) This couldn’t be real. I had just watched too much my little pony last night and was still dreaming. That was the only explaination I could come up with. But... even for lucid dreaming, this felt far too real...
I examined myself again. Yep- mane, tail, hooves, and I discovered a muzzle after clunking myself in the face with one of said hooves. But, wait... I strained and squirmed to twist around far enough to view my flanks. Weren’t “my little ponies” supposed to have cutie marks? Okay, so there was some chance, however small, that I wasn’t in Equestria. I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or worse.
Taking a big, shaky breath, I trembled in this unfamiliar, stench-ridden swamp and failed to calm myself. It had all happened so fast I was still processing what had happened. Should I be scared or exhilarated? Stay put or explore? I mean, there was still a chance, a rather good chance in fact, that this could be Equestria. Wasn’t it every brony’s dream to get the chance to go there and meet their favorite characters, or even just walk amongst the magical pastel-colored creatures? I tried to tell myself that everything was okay, that this could be fun, but in all honesty...
I was terrified. There, I said it. Regardless of what the fandom thought, I was scared out of my skin. I had just been deposited into an unknown world in an unknown body without a soul in sight. This wasn’t at all like those cliché self-insert fanfictions where the human-turned-pony was magically transported and instantly had the time of their life, possibly trying to get home or transform into the “seventh element of harmony” along the way. This was a complete nightmare.
“Uh, miss? Are you alright?” I completely locked up. I wasn’t alone, after all. Was that a good or bad thing? And how in the world had this visitor snuck up on me? I thought ponies were supposed to have superior hearing. Was I really that oblivious?
I didn’t recognize the voice, but it was definitely masculine. I didn’t want to look up, for fear of confirming my suspicions about this strange, alien world. Unfortunately this new, uncooperative body had other ideas. Slowly, my eyes ventured further and further left.
‘STOP THERE STOP THERE STOP THERE STOP-’
I suddenly felt faint. I hadn’t recognized the voice, but strangely, I recognized the form approaching me. But he wasn’t possible... none of this was possible! My stomach lurched, and I suddenly was very glad I hadn’t yet eaten this morning.
“Miss?” the form asked again, concern showing in his bright, amber eyes.
“Ch-Charcoal?”
“Yes? Yes, that’s me.” The truth finally set in, hitting me square in the chest like a ton of bricks. He was a pony. A pony! I had been confronted by a pony and had apparently been turned into one, which pretty much confirmed my suspicion that I was in Equestria, or at least some version of it. I felt like I had just been dropped into the middle of one of those MLP HiE fanfictions. Now, when bronies think of visiting Equestria, the first thing that comes to mind is probably one of those aforementioned self inserts where the character gets to meet the Mane Six. That was what I think of, anyhow. But Prince Charcoal Stormwood definitely wasn’t canon. He was (is?) an OC. My OC- a character of my own invention for a quirky fanfiction I wrote way back when. So not only had I seemingly mutated into an entirely different species AND been transported to a paralell universe from a children’s TV show, but I was now talking face to face with my own storybook character.
As impossible as it seemed, there he was, my character exactly as I had imagined. He had a dark, forest green coat and chocolate brown hair, styled in a way to leave his spiraled horn completely visible. Wooden armor encrusted with jewels wound its way around most of his body, though two massive, somewhat threatening wings poked through it. (Yes, I know horns and wings are often frowned upon as ‘cliché’ and ‘overpowered,’ but it suited the context of my story.) Though I hadn’t made him out to be very tall, he still towered over me. Otherwise, he was exactly as I had pictured.
“Y-You can’t be here...” the words spilled out of my mouth rather slurred and barely decipherable. That settled it. I must be dreaming.
“Why’s that?” He obviously made out my gibberish, though his brows were still furrowed with confusion and knitted with concern. ‘It’s just your subconcious thoughts, Megan. You’re still asleep. You’re perfectly fine. In fact, this is a really cool opprotunity. You don’t lucid dream very often. Maybe you could get to know him better... write a little one-shot when you wake up-’
“You’re not real,” I wheezed, stumbling back now. I had convinced myself this was a dream by now, but it was more like a nightmare. I had been given no reason to be afraid. In fact, I should have been reassured by his presence. According to my story, he was now a kind but powerful and influential pony that could possibly send me home, and yet... I was terrified of Charcoal, of this place, of my new body, everything. “You shouldn’t exist. I... I made you.”
“Huh?” He cocked his head. “What are you-”
“You shouldn’t exist!” Every fiber in my body screamed for me to run, but as I said, my body wasn’t exactly cooperating, so I continued slinking backwards at a sluggish pace. I soon tripped and splashed into an especially wet and smelly puddle for a dream, prompting my companion to rush and help.
“Here, let me-”
“NO! DON’T TOUCH ME!” My legs finally snapped into action. After a great deal of splashing and sputtering, I somehow found myself back on my fe- hooves and sprinting away with unbelievable coordination given the circumstances.
“Miss, please wait!” I heard heavy hoofbeats take up pursuit behind me. I ran faster, faster, lungs burning, muscles pleading for mercy, vision hazy and blurred. I heard a couple of loud snaps in the background, and when I dared to steal a glance back, realized my pursuer had unfurled a pair of giant, leathery wings that were rapidly closing the distance. Oh, why did I have to make him a destral? An involuntary whine of panic escaped my throat, and I forced myself to focus my attention on the path ahead. That was an even bigger mistake, for a knee-jerk reaction caused my legs to snap shut, and I half skidded, half somersaulted to a full stop.
I hesitantly looked up. There were more of them now, more of these impossible beings, most of which were more of my OC’s. And every single one was staring back at me in bewilderment. One of them had the decency to smile. “Hey, where’s the fire?” he joked.
Everything that happened afterward was kind of blurry. I remember I started running again, then Charcoal shouted something, and there was a dull chorus of voices followed by even more hoofsteps. I had a fair lead on them, but most of these ponies had wings and were easily closing the distance. My saving grace was the trees- one absolutely giant mangrove in particular. It had a huge above-ground network of roots like a cave, which I readily ducked into. I wasn’t hiding by any means- my pursuers had all seen me run in, but somehow I just felt safer having something between me and them. None of them even attempted to enter, though, but instead slowed to a halt just outside and caught their breath while they waited for the rest of the party to catch up.
I cautiously watched from well within the roots. The two that had come the closest to catching me were both pegasus stallions. The larger of the two was the canon character Pound Cake, fully grown by this point. His companion was an OC for sure. Spectrum, my version of Rainbow Dash and Soarin’s oldest, was marked with his mother’s wild color scheme. Though just a little younger than Pound, he had already earned his cutie mark in athletics.
The rest of the group arrived in a bit of a clump. Third on the scene was Shift, though he just beat Charcoal by a hair. He was a very blue crystal destral, fully grown but still a blank flank. A second, taller crystal destral and the only female of the group arrived behind him, and though I wasn’t certain, I thought her to be Smoky Topaz, my reformed version of Queen Chrysalis. A smoky brown and a glorious, sparkling teal mane sounded right, and I could see a bit of Chrysalis in her, but I didn’t recognize this stern, almost motherly look. The last to arrive was Fink, a bright orange thestral with lime green hair almost as fluffy as my own hair used to be. His was cut far shorter, however, and his tail was little more than a tiny green pompom. He was out of breath and, like Topaz, seemed none too pleased with my arrival.
“What happened to her?” Charcoal wheezed, leaning on Shift while he caught his breath.
“In the roots,” Pound gestured in my direction, still panting himself. Charcoal nodded once, shoved gently off of his friend and plodded a few steps closer to my hiding spot. I shivered in the black and tried to shrink farther away, but the roots were too thick and impeded my progress. He crouched down a bit as he tried to find me, but I’m not sure that he ever did. Still, he called, “It’s alright, Miss. We aren’t going to hurt you, really! Please, just come out and let us help you.”
“No!” I called stubbornly back, crossing my hooves in a pout. I imagine the scene would have been quite comical if I wasn’t obscured by the darkness.
“Why not?” Spectrum groaned in an extremely exasperated sounding voice.
“Coffee?” Pound scrunched up his muzzle in confusion.
“Look, we can get you coffee,” Shift did his best not to laugh, but inevitably failed. “In fact, now I want coffee. Anypony else? No?”
“Are you alright, Miss?” Charcoal interrupted.
“Go away.”
“What were you doing out there?” Spectrum demanded, poking his head into the roots where I was hiding. I scuttled back on the dirt, and I guess they heard me because he quickly pulled back out. Charcoal shook his head, warning the others not to try that again.
“That is a question I would also like answered,” Topaz coolly reiterated.
“N-Nothing,” I hesitantly stuttered, intimidated by her authoritive figure.
“Then why did you run from us?” Fink interrogated, just as coldly.
“I... I...”
“Well?” he insisted.
“Fink,” Char reprimanded. “Cut her some slack. She’s scared.”
“Aw, come on, lady! I know the Bogg is a little creepy, but it’s not that bad,” Shift hollered with his trademark, lopsided grin.
“The Bogg?” I repeated, trying to recall if Equestria had a bogg.
“Yeah, you’re in the Bogg, just south of the Everfree. Don’t you know where you are?” Shift cocked his head.
“N-No,” I bit my lip. That’s right, Equestria did have a bogg. In fact, I had recently been in the process of designing some “Bogg Sprite” characters that lived there. I shuddered from both the cold and fear that was finally setting in. The group outside exchanged glances.
“Well, no worries,” Charcoal assured, stepping up again. “Just come on out and we’ll get you home... or wherever it is that you need to be.”
“I don’t think you can,” I miserably mumbled.
“What’d she say?” Shift not-so-quietly whispered to Fink.
“Miss,” Smoky Topaz plodded forth, sending chills down my spine. “What are you running from?” Charcoal’s eyes shone with something comparable to glee, evidently catching on to whatever it was she was getting at. It struck me as both strange and rude, considering my predicament.
“Did you see anything in the Bogg?” he almost eagerly asked.
“No... Just you,” I hesitantly confessed. I felt my stomach knot again. Why were they asking? Was there something else in this Bogg? Something... dangerous?
“Aw, come on now. I know Char’s having a bad hair day, but it’s not THAT bad,” Shift jibed and ruffled the prince’s hair. Spectrum snickered, and a smile unwittingly crept onto Pound’s face. The rest of the group were unamused. “Sorry,” he eventually snickered.
“It’s perfectly safe,” Pound Cake assured. “There are some pretty powerful ponies here - two pegasi, a thestral and three destrals, one of which is the Everfree’s Chief of Research and the other the prince himself. Surely you’ve heard of them, at least?”
“Yes,” I shut my eyes.
“Then you know you’re safe,” he nodded. “My name is Pound Cake. And this is Shift-”
“I know all your names,” I cut him off.
“You do?” he stepped back, slightly perplexed.
“Guys! We’re famous!” the blue destral squealed like a little schoolfilly.
“How do you know our names?” Fink demanded.
“B-Be-Because...” I stuttered, trying to find the words. I almost told them everything. ‘Because you’re all my storybook characters that I made and wrote about in another universe where talking rainbow ponies only exist in a popular kid’s show.’ Yeah, that would go over well. “Because you shouldn’t exist,” I finally wept, curling up into a miserable, cold, filthy ball in the dark shadows of the mangrove.
“N-NO! Stay away! Just go away!” He stopped before he started, frustration slowly becoming evident on his face.
“If she won’t let us in, how are we supposed to help her?” Shift finally decided to stop goofing off and made himself useful.
“She can’t stay in there forever,” Topaz reasoned. “We wait her out.”
And so the standoff began.
Holed up in my little safe haven, I had no reliable way to measure time- I couldn’t even see the sun from here. Only the loud *thump thump* of my heartbeat counted the minutes (or hours?) away. I quickly grew bored of watching the ponies outside pace, and started to count with it. ‘183, 184, 185...’ My eyes were growing heavy from the hypnotic rhythm. The gradually quieting *thump* of my chest combined with the gentle rustle of leaves and soft plodding of hoofsteps was-
Hang on, what happened to the hoofsteps? I became slightly more alert as I strained to peer past the roots. Antsy Shift was no longer pacing. Actually, they had all gone still, huddled in a group just outside my hearing range. I huffed and leaned back against the roots. Fine. They could scheme all they wanted. I wasn’t coming out.
I couldn’t come out. I was still scared of them- the fact that I was now in Equestria as a pony was only just beginning to sink in Though, with every passing second the group seemed slightly less intimidating. But that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that I couldn’t think up a lie elaborate enough to cover all my bases, and I had no way to explain the truth without looking like a complete nut job. True, in the Equestria Girls movie, the girls instantly believed Twilight when she gave them a similar scenario, but I wasn’t dealing with canon here. If my OC’s were here, it was likely this was not THE Equestria, but rather MY Equestria: The Thestral Universe, perhaps one of many versions of Equestria. (It was in that moment that I fully comprehended the meaning of Multiverse.) If this was the case, then I couldn’t be sure how my characters would react. I had written them in a world slightly more brutal than the canon Equestria, and most decisions had a more realistic weight to them. Perhaps they would accept my reasoning, or maybe I would be sent to a mental institution. I had never been one to take risks, and just thinking of the latter made my stomach knot.
With a start, I realized that my plan had worked all too well. They were gone! I cautiously peered out of the roots, but didn’t see- oh, false alarm. The sparkle of Shift’s crystal coat gleamed in the distance. He wasn’t exactly hiding, and in fact had made himself quite visible parked under a tree a few yards off. I strained to see anyone else hiding in the tree line, but turned up empty han- hooved. I rolled my eyes and flattened my ears. I wasn’t falling for that.
“I see you, Shift,” I called from the dark. “You can’t fool me. I know you’re all out there, and I’m not falling for it!”
“Oh, no, you got it all wrong lady,” Shift shouted back, not bothered in the least. He casually remained where he sat in the shade, twirling a leaf in his hooves. “The others are gone for real. We figured if you’re gonna camp out here, so will we... just in shifts. And I volunteered to go first, you know, ‘cuz my name is Shift. Eh? Eh? Get it?”
“Get it?!” he wildly grinned again. “Come on, lady, that was comedy gold!” I groaned, and sat back again. Well, if what he said was true, then it didn’t sound like I could sneak away. So unless I thought I could outrun one of them, I had already been defeated. Unfortunately, every single one of Charcoal’s gang had wings that could easily overtake me, not to mention I really had no idea where I was going...
I was adamant to get away from them, but I haven’t really given much thought as to what I would do afterwards. Pick a direction until I found civilization? Assuming I made it that far, what would I tell the next group of ponies I ran into? I faced the exact same problem. What would I do for money, for food? Where would I stay? Not to mention, I imagine it would be pretty difficult to stay hidden from the Prince of the Everfree.
My options were very limited: tell the truth to Charcoal and company and possibly wind up in a mental institution or make a run for it and possibly starve or freeze to death. Either choice involved serious risk, but the longer I sat here in the dark, the more it looked like a confession would be safest for everyone. At least a mental institution would provide food and shelter...
“Woof!”
“AAAH!” I screeched and thrashed when something moved in the dark and wound itself around my forehoof.
“Arp!” A yelp sounded above my thrashing.
“Hey, hey, calm down!” Shift sprinted back to the roots in a matter of seconds, while respecting my perimeter. He skidded to a stop outside the roots and barely poked his muzzle through. “It’s just Brambles, Char’s pet. It’s okay, he’s friendly!”
“Brambles?” My pounding heart began to relax. The creature had appeared directly in front of me, and we both remained stock still. Silhouetted by the light outside, I could now make out the shape of a young timberwolf pup with glowing blue eyes. Despite the fact that this was a timberwolf, a well-known monster in Equestria, I wasn’t afraid. I knew this wolf.
“Yeah, Brambles,” Shift nodded. “He’s alright, not like normal timberwolves. But I’m betting you already knew that, huh?”
“Yeah.” I did remember Brambles, in fact. He was Charcoal’s bodyguard slash pet timberwolf. Char had accidently brought him to life just before ascending to royalty. Unlike wild timberwolves, these royal wolves were bound to their masters, and lived to serve them. They also had more magical powers than normal wolves, able to reconstruct themselves into whatever shape suited their master’s needs, even forming into their royal armor. But they didn’t usually stray from their masters unless ordered to... so what was he doing out here?
“Alright,” Shift slowly straightened up. “Char said he was going to send him back with coffee.”
“Coffee?” On command, Brambles’ paw bent and twisted back into a vine, and he retrived two half-empty coffee cups. Despite the lids, most of the fluid must have splashed out during our little skirmish. His unblinking gaze never faltered as he offered one to me. I hesitantly took it, struggling for a moment to grip the cup between my new hooves. Once I had a firm hold on it, however, he dashed away to hurriedly leave the second cup with Shift.
“Thanks, Brambles,” the destral levitated his cup and dismissed the wolf. With a quiet yap, the puppy sprinted away. Shift took a sip and quickly called after him, “AND GIVE MY REGARDS TO THE KITCHEN STAFF!” The howl echoing in the distance alerted us of his acknowledgement. “It’s actually really good today,” he casually commented, slurping up some more. “The usual kitchen staff usually burns it. Maybe Princess Essence took my advice and hired Black Roast- the barista from Baltimare. She was really friendly when we met her last week. ‘Course, she wasn’t too happy when we got her fired during that batpony incident... Hey, are you crying?”
I wasn’t crying, I was outright bawling. Something about the coffee finally hit a nerve. Their kindness, my stubbornness, the terrifying unfamiliarity of this world... it was all crashing down. “Easy, easy,” Shift urged, dancing outside the roots. “What’s wrong? Come on, lady, talk to me.”
“No one... will... believe me.” The words came out broken and choppy between sobs.
“Believe you? Is that what this is all about?” Shift almost laughed. But it wasn’t a teasing, ridiculing kind of laugh. His entire demeanor was soft, gentle, understanding. “Lady, we deal with crazy, unbelievable stuff all the time. That’s sorta in our job description. Tell ya what? Why don’t you come out of there, have a cup of coffee and tell me all about it?”
I didn’t have the strength to fight them anymore. Defeated, my head bobbed once, and I weakly stood. Shaky legs led me out of the roots with a mind of their own. Shift tried to help me out, but I flinched from his touch. We both paused, and then he cautiously tried again. I held my breath but allowed it this time. Like the gentlecolt he was, Shift slowly led me out into the center of the clearing, pausing only long enough to turn back and retrieve my forgotten coffee cup. He sat me down (or I suppose laid me down, considering that my legs completely gave out) and settled the cup between my hooves. He lay across from me, settled himself quietly, and looked up.
“Let’s start with your name.” My name. That was easy enough. Megan Stevenson. I didn’t even have to think about it as my lips formed the words.
“Paisley Swirl.” My eyes bulged. Wait, what?
“Okay, Paisley,” Shift nodded, “why don’t you-”
“Wait, that’s not my name!” My heart rate sped up again. Shift furrowed his brow. “My name is Paisley Swirl. No, I mean Paisley Swirl!” ‘Megan Stevenson,’ I thought. ‘My name is Megan Stevenson!’ Regardless of how hard I concentrated, the only words that erupted from my mouth were, “Paisley Swirl!” I leapt back to my hooves, bucking and thrashing with every attempt to pronounce my name.
“Okay, okay, Paisley!” Shift jumped back up and tried to set a hoof on my shoulder.
“But that’s not my name!” I cried, panicking. “I couldn’t even keep my own name?!”
“Then what is your name?” Shift gripped my shoulders tight to hold me still.
“I can’t say it! I try but it comes out as Paisley Swirl! I can’t say my own name!” I trembled. Despite my scrambled thoughts, my mind began trying to fit the pieces together. This world must have its own sort of autocorrect or censorship. Back home, my name was Megan Stevenson, but here in this new world I had received a new one. Great.
“What do you mean you can’t say it? Why not?”
“I don’t know,” was my miserable response. I sank back to the ground, and noticed with no small amount of disappointment that I had spilled the rest of my coffee. Shift remained standing, deep in thought.
“Well, can you spell it?”
“Huh?”
“If you can’t say it, can you spell it out? In the dirt?” He swiped a big chunk of grass away, revealing the moist soil beneath. I looked at the broad, bell-bottom hooves at the ends of my arms. Could I? Shakily taking a breath, I jabbed the tip of my right hoof into the dirt. ‘M... start with a line.’ I dragged the appendage back towards me. ‘Alright, now another line...’ I started back up at the top and started back diagonally. About halfway through, though, my hoof involuntarily slipped and started curling back down.
“No!” I audibly yelled, recoiling. Shift watched patiently. I snorted and tried again, jabbing dots into the dirt until they connected into a wibbly-wobbly line. By the time I was ready to move onto the next line, I realized I had already used up all the space in the dirt. I groaned, and slashed a deep gouge across my scribbles. “No.”
“Well, that’s okay, Miss... Look, can I call you Paisley for now? Fink’s gonna lecture me as it is for calling you ‘lady’ all this time.” I silently nodded. “Okay, Paisley, we’ll figure out your real name later. Right now, why don’t you tell me what’s going on? What won’t I believe?” I hesitated, searching for words. “I promise not to laugh,” he assured.
“Okay,” I took a breath. I wasn’t sure how much of my tale would be censored, so I tried to choose my words carefully. “I’m not really a pony,” I began. Shift cocked his ears, interest piqued. “I’m from another world. There are no ponies there- at least, none that can talk. The dominant race there is humans.” So far, so good. I was somewhat surprised that I could say ‘human’ but not my own name. However, perhaps that was due to the Equestria Girls movies.
“Oh! You’re from the human world! Why didn’t you just say so?” Shift’s wild, cocky grin returned. He stood and started dancing off into the trees. “Don’t you worry, Paisley Swirl! Princess Twilight has a portal that can get you right back-”
“No, not that human world,” I intruded.
“There’s more than one?” He froze, and returned to his spot in bafflement. “And wait... if there IS more than one, how do you know about both?” My ears pressed themselves flat against my head.
“This... this is going to sound crazy, but... where I come from, this place, Equestria, it’s not real. At least, it’s not supposed to be. I only know about it because it’s the setting of a moving picture show.” Okay, so I had been going for TV show, but close enough.
“Moving pictures? Like a projector?”
“Yes! This show is called My Little Pony. We watch shows for entertainment, following the lives of the characters through a series of installments.” Again, had been going for episodes there, but it was still coming across.
“Like in a book series?”
“Yeah. One of the installments was called Equestria Girls, and it was all about Twilight’s adventure in that human world. But none of this should exist- it’s just a made-up little kid’s show! That’s why I was so freaked out...” Why couldn’t my coat have been pink? Then maybe it would have hidden the flushing color of my cheeks.
“You’re trying to tell me that in your world, Equestria is a made-up fantasy world, the residents, er, characters of which are written simply for your entertainment?”
“Um, yes?” It actually sounded really bad when you put it like that...
“SWEET! I’m a beloved storybook character! Er, moving picture character!” Shift struck the most vain, boastful pose he possibly could have managed.
“Uh... not exactly.”
“Huh? What does that mean? Am I different in the show? The villain? Wow, that’s dissapointing...”
“No, nothing like that. You’re exactly as I imagined you, actually,” For the first time since arriving here, a smile tickled the corners of my lips. Perhaps it was because he was taking this remarkably well, or maybe the full truth of that last sentence was sinking in. “It’s just... how do I put this?” How in the hay was I supposed to explain the concept of a fandom to Shift, especially without being censored?
“You just... REALLY shouldn’t exist. Not even in the show.” Shift took a good long minute to ponder my words.
“Then how did you imagine me at all?” Another deep breath was in order.
“I really, REALLY like My Little Pony. And there are others out there that really like it, too. And sometimes, when we don’t like something that the show producers did, or if we have a great idea that we know won’t be used in the show, we write our own stories about it. We get together and share our stories. I wrote one, and invented my own characters to put in a different version of Equestria. I invented...” My voice caught in my throat.
“Invented what?” I could hardly meet his gaze.
“I... invented... you.” Shift blankly stared back at me. “And Charcoal, and Acrylic, and Torchwood, Princess Essence, Fink, Spectrum...” Now that I had started, the names kept spilling out of my mouth. Shift stood in silence as I rambled on until I finally ran out of steam. Unblinking, unmoving, he remained a moment longer.
“So I’m a fictional character from your fictional story based on a fictional show, in a world run by humans?” My ears couldn’t flatten back any further, and my tail had worked itself between my legs. I closed my eyes and hung my head. “I told you you wouldn’t believe me...” I finally stood. I wasn’t sure where I could go, or what I would do, but I had outstayed my welcome here. My companion stopped me before I could take my first step.
Silence rang throughout the castle and tension hung in the air. Or perhaps that was all just in my head. I couldn’t really tell in this state, nor did I care. Shift had escorted me to the Everfree Castle, which appeared larger and more terrifying than I had imagined it in my stories. Still, the interior was slightly more welcoming than the dark outer shell, and I stumbled close behind Shift as he easily navigated the labyrinth. He had assured me that we were getting close to our destination when my hooves ground to a halt. Then remained still. And then took one, two, three steps back. This time, I couldn’t truthfully say that they gained a mind of their own- I suspect I had consented to this action, or perhaps even initiated it. Why, you ask? Well, because there was a strange mare giving me a very odd look in that last room.
I returned her rude stare with frightening accuracy. I stood for almost a full minute before realizing that this mare was actually me. A mirror blocked entry to this room, hence my confusion. I didn’t want to believe it, but sure enough, she matched my every movement, never missing a beat. Did I really look like that? A petite muzzle had replaced my nose, and two tall, twitchy ears poked through my bangs. And the hair... oh, the hair! The bright fuchsia locks made it the hardest to believe that this was really me. My hair used to be dark, thick, curly, and constantly tangled, nothing like these thin, pathetic wisps. And it was much longer now, too, draped over the side of my elongated neck to brush the top of my shoulder. It was cut at an angle, I noticed, as were my bangs and tail. They each resembled something close to a teardrop shape. ‘Or a paisley,’ I realized, heart dropping in my chest. I checked again for a cutie mark, wondering if and perhaps hoping I had been mistaken in all the confusion of the bogg. But no, all that adorned my flanks was a layer of beige fur.
“You look like you’ve never seen your own reflection before.” A second figure appeared in the mirror, and I didn’t even turn to greet Shift.
“I haven’t.” His reflection turned to face mine, and I felt my face go hot. I really didn’t want him to see me cry. Again. Luckily, he wouldn’t have to.
“Come on,” his kind eyes invited me. “Char’s gathering the others. Then you can explain exactly what happened, and we’ll see what we can do to help. Yeah?” It was all I could do to nod and follow. I felt one of his massive, crystalline wings curl around my side. I drifted closer to him, aware but not bothered by how strange it looked. I didn’t really know Shift, at least not in person, but I didn’t know anyone else here, either. He was the closest thing I had to a friend at present, and a friend was exactly what I needed. All I could do was lean in close and pray that the others would be as kind as he.
“Oh, yeah, sure! Of course we believe you!” Spectrum’s face was strained, struggling to maintain such a large and obviously fake smile. Then more quietly but still perfectly audible he added, “Someone call Nurse Redheart.” The rest of our company, all seated around a long conference table in the Everfree Castle, remained as still and silent as they had started.
“I told you, Shift, I told you!” I kicked out against the table, nearly overturning the chair I was seated on as I scooted out. I had been seated at the end of the table closest to the door, so I didn’t have far to go. Shift, too, jumped from his seat even more clumsily than I, and raced me to the exit. He had completely overturned his chair, and his leaps were wobbly, yet somehow he still beat me.
“Hey, hey, hey!” He chanted, bounding in front to block my escape. “Just hang on. Guys? Come on, you believe her, right?” The group looked skeptically between themselves. Shift cleared his throat, nodding violently in my direction.
“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the craziest thing we’ve ever heard...” Pound attempted. By the tone of his voice, I was unsure if he was trying to convince me of its truth or himself.
“R-Right,” Spectrum coughed after the older pegasus elbowed him.
“Still, the probability of there being any truth to this scenario is extremely low,” Fink voiced. “Think single digits, possibly decimals.” I hung my head and tried again to leave. This time, Shift grasped me firmly in his bright blue aura, and swiveled me back around to face Charcoal at the opposite end of the table.
“Whoa!”
“Char? Help me out here buddy!” His eyes pleaded with the prince, if just for my sake. The green stallion remained silent, his eyes thoughtful as they skimmed me over for the umpteenth time.
“I suppose anything is possible...” he eventually stated. I felt one of the knots in my stomach slowly unwind, hope blooming in my chest. Unlike his comrades, I detected no doubt or skepticism in his voice. Just... curiosity.
“Despite the improbable odds, I must agree,” Topaz coolly lifted her chin. “I do not believe she is lying. At the very least, she herself believes it all to be true.” My ears perked up and my hopes soared. Even Smoky was siding with me? I would have thought her the hardest to win over out of the six.
“Are you sure?” Fink raised an eyebrow.
“Quite,” she nodded, gaze never leaving mine. “I cast a lie-detecting spell as soon as she walked in.” Oh. My ears drooped again. ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Topaz.’
“Okay, then,” Charcoal haltingly began, equally surprised that his mentor should jump to such drastic measures. “So, I guess the next step is figuring out exactly what happened to bring you here, so we can reverse it and send you home.”
“Indeed,” Topaz solemnly agreed, gracefully sliding from her seat.
“So... you’re going to help me? Just like that?” I stumbled when Shift released his hold on me.
“Sure,” Charcoal casually shrugged. Though he acted nonchalant, a knowing smile crept onto his face. “This is sort of what we do.”
“What did I tell you?” Shift’s wild, wacky grin had returned, and he cheerfully winked down at me. Relief overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Yeah! Never doubted you for a sec!” Spectrum boasted, starting to slide out of his chair. A mischievous twinkle shone in Pound’s eyes just before he extended a hoof, catching Spectrum’s hind leg just before it hit the ground. Rainbow’s son’s eyes bulged as his legs slid out from under him, and he landed face-first on the ground. “OOF!”
“Sure ya did, pal,” Pound smirked, exiting far more gracefully than he.
“Wait, where are you all going?” Fink called, the only one still remaining in his seat. Everypony else had left or was on their way out. “This meeting is not adjourned!”
“Sure it is. Here, meeting adjourned,” Charcoal recited.
“You really gotta be that formal, Fink?” Shift chuckled.
“That’s not what I mean. We still have not discussed arrangements for our new guest. Where will she stay? Who’s going to provide for her? There is no telling how long Paisley might be here.” I cringed, the realization that I was stuck here hitting hard, punctuated by the use of my new name.
“She’ll stay in the castle of course,” Charcoal stated, as if it were a no-brainer.
“Will Princess Essence agree to this?” The thestral still wasn’t convinced.
“I’m certain she will. This is Princess Essence we’re talking about,” Char chuckled.
“Yeah, ye of little faith,” Shift trotted over and clapped Fink rather roughly with his wing, nearly displacing the poor stallion from his chair. “It’ll all be fine!”
“That is not the only issue at stake here!” Fink hollered even louder, giving up on the formalities and chasing Charcoal out of the room. With a shrug, Shift followed suit and gestured for me to follow him. “If she is telling the truth and she is a human in this other world... well... who’s going to teach her how to be a pony? Just look at her! She can barely walk!”
“Hey, I thought I was doing pretty good,” I huffed, snorting as Shift caught me from almost tripping over my own tail.
“That’s a good point Fink,” Charcoal rubbed his chin. “Thanks for volunteering!”
“WHAT?” Shift lost it, and broke down rolling and clutching his stomach, absolutely howling with laughter. I clutched my stomach as well, but it certainly wasn’t from laughter. Fink as a mentor? I knew my characters well enough to realize that this wouldn’t exactly be a walk in the park for either of us. “But your highness-!”
“Charcoal. My name is Charcoal,” the prince interrupted.
“Charcoal,” Fink corrected, “I have duties that I must attend to! Surely-”
“Oh, put a sock in it,” Shift rolled his eyes, still giddy but slowly recovering. He rolled back over onto his hooves, shook the dust from his coat and slung a heavy hoof across my back. “I don’t have any real job around here- I’ll show her the ropes.” Char grinned in such a way I wondered if that had been his intention all along. He turned to Fink, sighing with relief.
“What do you say, Fink?” he teased.
“Thank you,” the thestral grumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“In that case,” Charcoal started down the hall once more. “Why don’t you take Paisley down to the kitchen? Get yourselves a proper coffee. And Fink? Could you send to have a room prepared for her?”
“Of course, Charcoal,” Fink sighed through gritted teeth. He cast me a look of contempt that could be interchangeable with pity. Then he turned and headed in the opposite direction, digging into his saddlebags all the while. Shift, unfazed by Fink’s uncharacteristic hostility, bounced cheerfully in front of me.
“Come on!” he beckoned, leaping down yet a third hallway. “This will be fun!”
‘If you say so, Fink. If you say so.’
“So humans don’t have... hooves?” Shift disbelievingly asked for the fourth time. He anxiously watched as I shakily gripped the paper cup, and ultimately let it slip from my hooves yet again. The lukewarm liquid splashed to the ground- the staff had stopped giving me properly hot coffee, or real porcelain mugs for that matter, after my first three accidents.
“Or magic,” I irritably grumbled, dragging the sopping wet towel over the spillage. “Didn’t Twilight tell you?”
“Well, I’d heard but... it’s just hard to imagine,” he chuckled, feeling for a fresh towel with his aura. He promptly exchanged it for the soiled one in preparation for my next spill. He softly chuckled. “How do you get anything done?”
“With hands!” I fussed with the handle of the pot to pour another cup. “They’re so much easier! You can just stick your fingers through the handle and grip it instead of trying to balance it over your hoof and hope the thing doesn’t tip.”
“You can still grip it with hooves,” Shift argued. “Look.” His blue glow secured the pot and it floated into his hooves with ease. “Just support it with part of your forearm- sort of curl it in- and keep your other hoof on the bottom.”
“Easy for you to say,” I huffed as he sent it back. I did, however, try this new technique, though I suspect dumb luck was all that kept it from slipping from my grasp. The liquid dribbled forth, some of it sloshing onto the counter but most of it arriving at its intended destination.
“And for the cup, just do the same thing,” Shift shrugged casually, perfectly performing the same task in a fraction of the time in order to demonstrate. I watched him take a sip, and though these paper cups had no handle, it was the same principal. I anxiously attempted the same. Though my hooves trembled, the first sustenance I’d had in over twelve hours trickled down my throat. I coughed in surprise, not really expecting to have achieved my goal. Shift grinned, “See? Not so hard, is it?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I cleared the last of the blockage from my throat, not realizing how dry it had gotten. I took another sip of the lukewarm, black coffee, and cringed. Shift needed no words to translate the message.
“Hey, French Vanilla? Can we get a fresh pot over here? And creamers, etc.? I think we’re finally ready for a real coffee,” he winked. I weakly smiled gratitude.
“I’ve sent Canvas Tote for more coffee grounds,” the irritable kitchen mare called with an agitated tail swish. “He still hasn’t returned.”
“You let our coffee supply get that low?” Shift disbelievingly inquired with a deadpan, almost horrified expression.
“Well, had you two not squandered the last of it, the current supply would have held out until tomorrow’s shipment,” she snapped. While I flinched, Shift wasn’t phased in the least. He shrugged and turned back to me.
“No prob. Let’s go down to Ponyville instead. There’s this awesome bakery called Sugar Cube Corner there. We can get coffee and some real food, too. Sound good?” My stomach gurgled in response, and I blushed.
“Yeah,” I quietly chuckled.
“Come on, then! It’s this way!” Shift was already halfway out the door. My legs shot out from beneath me, desperately chasing after the stallion as though my life depended on it. Even knowing that the thestrals had tamed its monstrous inhabitants, I really didn’t fancy getting lost in the Everfree.
‘Sugar Cube Corner,’ my mind wandered as I dashed over newly constructed roads. I couldn’t help but wonder if I might meet any of the mane six. ‘Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a brony in Equestria and already have the in’s with not only a prince but the son of the Seventh Element. It’s only a matter of time.’
So I sprinted after Shift, presumably on my way to meet the rest of the Cake family, and perhaps the Element of Laughter.
