Join the most FABULOUS secret agent as she takes on her greatest mission ever. Finding a gown that matches her gadgets, also finding her friends. Mostly the second thing.
Rarity is the top agent of HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE. When a villain comes along she will stop at nothing to ensure the day is not only saved, but fabulously so. However what will she do when the villain isn't just a villain, but one of her friends, who won't stop calling themselves by silly names. I mean honestly, who calls themselves the Applebucker? Why, it is enough to make one want to just give up being a secret agent. But, I suppose we all do what we must.
(Now with the actual final chapter which I somehow forgot to add before.)
(No idea who drew the cover image. I found it on an old draw friends and the source isn't good anymore.)
Her leg ached. She tried to pull it, but it remained firmly strapped to the table. She kept her eyes closed. Opening them would just be a distraction and she needed to concentrate. The anti-magic field she had been forced though was powerful, but she was crafty. She let her magic probe against the ‘wall’ that encompassed her horn, feeling for any cracks in the enchantment.
Ordinary anti-magic fields were designed to block a unicorn's magic by surrounding it with an impenetrable barrier that would last an hour or so. This one was much stronger. On a normal unicorn it may have been able to last a day or two; however, she was no normal unicorn.
She was RARITY, Agent of the Queen’s Secret Service.
She ignored the evil cackling. Honestly, why did they always have an evil laugh? It lasted too long, usually to the point of annoyance, although the southern drawl certainly added a certain eccentricity to it. She filed it away for later contemplation, perhaps during a warm spa bath once she finished here.
Wahahaaaaa, she silently laughed to herself as her magic found a weak point in the barrier. All it would take is a little finesse… and… THERE. A single spark shot from her horn as she shattered the barrier. She quickly opened her eyes and smiled. If there is one thing I do so love about the diabolical laugh, it certainly keeps them distracted. Now we simply wait for the right moment…
The Apple Bucker finally finished the aforementioned diabolical laugh and grinned at Rarity. “An’ now A’hv got the illustrious Agent Rarity at my mercy.” She strode over to the table where the white unicorn was restrained. “The princess ain’t gonna be able to turn down my demands any longer.” She let out another laugh.
Rarity just rolled her eyes. “Another diabolical laugh so soon? You must be quite certain that Princess Celestia will just abide whatever mad plan you have this time.”
An angry frown crossed the Apple Bucker’s face as she came up next to the table. “It ain’t a mad plan, that’s why Ah got ya on the cider table.” She reached behind her and wrapped her hoof around a rope and gave it a pull. A curtain overhead fell open revealing a huge relatively flat stone. She gave the rope another tug and the rock very slowly began to descend.
Rarity blinked, this had to be a joke. “This has to be a joke.”
“I assure ya, this ain’t no joke, missy. When this here rock comes down, it’s gonna crush ya into tha finest cider around.”
Rarity lightly hit her head against the back of the table. Ouch, should not have done that. “A rock, honestly, darling are you even trying anymore? At least the apple cutter was creative and the pie tin was a stroke of genius, but a rock? It’s hardly even moving, why, I would have to lay here for almost an hour for it to even touch my mane. Speaking of which, you had better hope that not a single curl is out of place.”
“Aint’ nothin’ wrong with a rock. Rocks live a good honest life. Err well they sit a good honest… sit.” The Apple Bucker finished lamely. “It ain’t mah fault, comin’ up with new death devices ain’t the easiest thing in the world, ya know. Comin’ up with the whole ‘Apple Dress Event’ I used to capture ya was hard enough.”
With a quick flick of her magic, Rarity unlocked her shackles and swung a back hoof into The Apple Bucker’s nose, knocking her on her back. Before she could get up, Rarity was on top of her. Straddling her chest and holding The Apple Bucker’s arms over her head.
“Applejack-“
Applejack struggled and kicked as she tried to knock Rarity off. “DON’T CALL ME APPLEJACK! Ah’m The Apple Bucker.”
Rarity sighed. “Apple Bucker-“
“THE Apple Bucker.”
Rarity ignored her and continued. “Why do you insist on all this?” She waved her hoof at the table, with the rock still very slowly descending. “Why all the effort?”
“Cause ya still don’t think Ah’m good enough for ya."
“I told you back when you still went by-“
The Apple Bucker glared up at her.
“-your old name.”
“Yeah well Ah’m gonna prove that Ah’m better than P." The Apple Bucker began to struggle under Rarity. "I'm gonna come up with a lair so incredible yer gonna have to take me seriously."
Rarity sighed, Applejack hadn't changed. "Darling, you simply must-." She was cut off as The Apple Bucker leaned up to kiss her. She barely managed to pull her head back before their lips touched.
The shift in balance was all The Apple Bucker needed. She planted her rear hooves against the floor and thrust her hips up, knocking Rarity forwards. She then scrambled out from under Rarity and rushed to the wall next to one of the beeping machines. Her hoof pounded the regulation hidden switch and the machine moved, revealing a rather comfortable seat, which she quickly took. "I'll be back Agent Rarity, you may have escaped my death trap this time, but next time yer gonna be mine!"
The red door slammed shut and a rocket blast temporarily deafened Rarity. She rushed over to the hole in the wall to see a red apple shaped escape pod fly away. "Oh Applejack." she muttered to herself before walking over to the side of the lair where a cage sat. Inside sat a young yellow coated mare with red mane and tail. “Applebloom, you simply must stop making lairs and death traps for your sister.”
“Ah know Ah know, but she’s always so sweet when she asks fer ‘em. Ain’t till they are finished when she goes all oranges.”
“Bananas, darling.” Rarity said as she effortlessly picked the lock and the cage door swung open. “Next time at least give her some better ideas, this was just embarrassing.”
Applebloom trotted out of the cage and stretched her legs. “Can’t be as embarrassin’ as her getting away with a kiss, again.”
"Yes yes, I know, I was here for it after all. Now be a good filly and scoot. Please."
"Ah ain't a filly anymore, ya know."
"I am aware, but I must destroy this lair and I would prefer that you were not in here when I do." Rarity said as she pulled a pink hair pin out of her mane.
"Hmph fine." Pouted Applebloom as she trotted out of the exit.
Rarity shook her head then snapped the hair pin in two with her magic. She tossed it behind her and galloped out of the room. Shortly after a huge explosion erupted from the lair complete with streamers and confetti. Leave it to P, thought Rarity, she keeps to a theme.
One very visually impressive intro sequence later
After seeing Applebloom to the train station and getting yet another promise that she would stop making evil lairs and death machines for her sister. Well, not so much a promise as Applebloom kicking a rock, looking guilty and mumbling something about not doin’ it again, just like the last time. Rarity arrived back at headquarters.
As soon as Rarity walked through the doors she stepped to the side and lit up her horn. Less than a second later a pink blur sped past her and was caught in her magic.
“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,” whined P. “Ever since you became a super duper secret agent you never let me get the drop on you.”
Rarity continued trotting into the building, levitating P behind her. “It’s good to see you as well, P.”
P giggled and spun herself around as she hovered behind Rarity. “You know, you can just call me Pinkie Pie.”
Rarity scoffed, “Oh please. Titles are important, dear.” She trotted through a door at the end of the room and down a flight of stairs.
“Why are we going to control?” asked P as they entered a long hall with a pair of large steel doors at the end.
The doors swung open revealing another pair of doors. “I must give my report to Queen Celestia.” Rarity continued down the hallway and they slid open around her and P.
“Ohhhhhhhh...” A blank looking wall greeted them. As Rarity walked up to it, it slid up into the ceiling. “Why?”
“The Apple Bucker,” Rarity sighed, “prevented me from completing my mission to confront 'The Bookworm'. I must report this to Queen Celestia and hope she can track down 'The Bookworm' again.”
A wall with bars on it blocked them, until they approached it and it slid open. All that was at the end of the corridor was a simple phone booth which Rarity stepped into, levitating P beside her and gently setting her down on the floor.
P reared up and rested her front legs over Rarity and laid her head on Rarity’s rump. “I miss them.”
The phone glowed as Rarity lifted it from its cradle and held it to her ear as she dialed a few numbers on the rotary dial. “I do too, darling.” She hung up the phone and the floor dropped.
A cry of, “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” could be heard throughout the room, shaking the plate glass windows.
Celestia raised an eyebrow and peaked around the stacks of paperwork on her desk. The shouting ended and the door opened. Rarity strode in with P hopping in behind her.
Queen Celestia’s face lit up. “Ahh, Agent Rarity and P, so good to see you both.”
Rarity bowed and P gave a playful salute. “An honor to see you again, Your Highness.”
"Hiya Princess."
Rarity turned to P. "No no no, it is Queen Celestia, not Princess."
"Ooops, sorry Rarity, I forgot."
"You know Rarity. I never minded being Princess Celestia."
Rarity gasped. "But Queen Celestia. It just is not proper for a secret agent to work for a Princess. A secret agent must have a Queen to serve. Even agent Hard Candy agrees."
Queen Celestia waved her hoof through a hole in the tower of paperwork. “Yes yes, we have had this discussion before,” she said as she tried to find a good opening to see them before finally deciding to just get up and walk around the impressively large red wood desk. “Anyway, how was your mission?”
“I apologize Your Highness, but The Apple Bucker interferred and-“
Celestia interrupted her. “You were captured again by The Apple Bucker?”
Rarity sighed. “I am afraid so.”
Celestia shook her head. “How does this keep happening? This is the fourth time she managed to best you, and the second time she has interrupted a mission.”
“She did not best me, she just… surprised me. I can’t help if she knows all my weaknesses,” Rarity coifed her mane. “It’s not as if she is capable of preventing me from escaping.”
“And yet you still haven’t prevented her from capturing you.”
“I can hardly be blamed for that. She had a ruby that was the size of a cat fit into the most delightful-.”
P giggled. “You just rhymed.”
Celestia ignored P, “Have you at least recovered her?”
Rarity grimaced, “Not… exactly.”
Celestia rubbed the top of her muzzle with her hoof. “You can escape any imprisonment she puts you in but you are unable to capture or prevent her from capturing you.”
“No one can capture Rarity and keep her, she’s the best super-secret agent ever!” P piped up.
“Thank you, P, however aside from that first death trap of hers. You remember me telling you about that one, Your Highness?”
Celestia tapped her chin, “that was the one with the blades, rockadile and the goat in the dress right?”
Rarity nodded. “Aside from that one, I get the feeling she wasn’t really trying, especially with her last one, it was just a rock she was going to slowly lower onto me.”
“Then, why even bother capturing you?”
“Well, she appears to be attempting to win my favor by proving that she’s better than P.” Rarity nuzzled her pink companion.
“Wait wait wait, Appleja- I mean The Apple Bucker keeps attacking because she’s got a crush on you?”
Rarity nodded. “It certainly seems that way, P.”
“I thought she was just super jealous of that apple-pie I made you for Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Be that as it may, we must do something about her. We cannot have her continue to interfere with apprehending The Bookworm, The Awesome, and The Stare,” said Celestia.
Before Rarity could reply, Pinkie interrupted. “You know, I don’t mind sharing you, Rarity”
Rarity choked on her water sending a stream of it flying across the room and dropping her glass which shattered on the floor. Or she would have it she was drinking, or holding a glass. Instead she just choked on her own breath.
“DON’T WORRY, RARITY!” Shouted P as she ran behind Rarity then reared up on top of her. She wrapped her arms around Rarity’s chest and began giving her the Heimlich maneuver. "I'll save you."
Celestia rolled her eyes and walked back behind her desk. She performed a quick calculation and decided it would be about four and a half minutes before they got finished. She looked over the contract she had been working on when Rarity and P came on. Two griffin agents to guard an inventor, a rather standard request, but finding griffins who worked really well together was difficult, perhaps-
A crash diverted her attention, she peaked over the papers on her desk to find Rarity and P rolling around on the ground. Back to the paperwork-
*mmmmhmmmm*
That, doesn’t sound normal. Celestia peeked over the stacks of paper again. And they are making out, again. Time to get them out of here. She stood up and cleared her throat. “You are dismissed, Rarity. I will send you a new mission tomorrow.” A golden glow surrounded the Queen’s horn.
Just as Rarity looked up a bright flash blinded her and she found herself in her bedroom with Pinkie still wrapped around her. She sighed and tried to fix her mane. “We really have to stop doing that in front of the Queen.”
Rarity and P snuggled together under the sheets. P giggled as she rubbed up against Rarity’s chest and Rarity wrapped her arms and legs around her. “Aww, cmon Rarity, tell me about your last mission.”
Rarity yawned. “Come now, darling. It’s late and there is hardly anything left to tell. I was simply keeping an eye on the Flim Flam brothers to ensure they were dealing fairly.”
“Aww, just the Flim Flam brothers? Not the Doomsday Brothers or The Scammers or something like that?”
Rarity rolled her eyes and hugged P against her tighter. “I am afraid not everypony can be some sort of super villain like-” She hesitated then sighed, closing her eyes. “Our friends.”
P’s smile faded and she buried her face into Rarity’s mane. “You’ll save them Rarity, you’re the best super-secret agent ever.”
Rarity smiled and kissed P’s forehead. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, darling. I just wish it was easier to find them.”
P didn’t reply, she just pressed herself closer to Rarity and they both drifted off to sleep together.
Rarity blinked as the morning light drifted in through the curtains. She stretched her arms up over her head and let out a dainty ladylike yawn. Then reached down and patted the lump under the blankets beside her.
“Good morning, darling.” Rarity said, slipping out of bed and heading to the shower. After a short time with hot water running down her body and a long time ensuring her mane and tail were perfectly coifed. She trotted out of the bathroom, P remained bundled under the sheets on her bed. “Still asleep, come now, dear.” She pulled on the sheets exposing a golden mane. “What…?” She asked under her breath and yanked the sheets the rest of the way off the bed, then she screamed.
P was on the bed glittering in the morning sun. Which she shouldn’t have been doing, since she normally had a pink coat and mane. Now she was gold, shiny sparkly gold.
Before Rarity could do anything P burst into the room. “Are you yelling because breakfast is-“
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Rarity shrieked again at being startled by P. Then P saw the gold body and joined Rarity’s shrieking. Then, the gold body shot up to a sitting position and looked around the room wide eyed and screamed and Rarity and P joined it.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
Rarity recovered from the shock before the others, her horn glowed as she flipped onto the bed, knocking over the golden mare and levitating her lipstick next to the mare’s head. “You had best start explaining your presence in MY BE-“ She blinked as she began to recognize the mare, “Golden Harvest, what?”
Golden Harvest tried to struggle but Rarity held her in place. “Please no! I didn’t want to do it.”
“Why are you here and what happened to your,” Rarity paused briefly to attempt to think of a more colorful description, but reluctantly had to admit that nothing quite fit like the obvious, “lovely orange mane?"
P bounced up beside Rarity, but remained silent.
Golden Harvest's eyes darted between P and Rarity. “Twilight dyed it and made me come here. I didn’t want to do it, honest.”
Rarity kept holding her, but relaxed and carefully twisted the bottom of the lipstick, resulting in a click. She delicately placed the cap back on top of it, careful to not trigger the device and levitated it back to the table beside her bed. “You spoke with The Academician?”
Golden Harvest blinked then shook her head. “No, I spoke with Twilght, although Spike kept calling her Goldhoof. And I think she kept calling Spike, uhh, Menial Task.”
Rarity stepped off of Golden Harvest. “Goldhoof and Menial Task?”
“Menial Task,” giggled P, “because Spike does so many odd jobs.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “That still does not explain why she changed her name, again,” she turned back to Golden Harvest. “Or why she sent you here and ruined your coat and mane.”
“I have no idea what’s going on, she was reading from some book and kept telling me to call her Goldhoof, whenever I would call her Twilight she would get mad.” Golden Harvest moved to a sitting position. “I think she wanted to paint Pinkie-“
P hopped up and down giggling. “Yay, she said my name.”
“P, please, can we let her finish?”
“Awwww.”
Golden Harvest continued, deciding that her life had been weird enough lately. “Anyway, Twilight said something about it being more efficient to just find somepony who was already gold and just paint their mane.” She tapped her stiff hair with her hoof. “I hope this stuff comes out.”
“Don’t worry about that, dear. It appears to be the same edible gold paint I have used before, now please continue.”
“Ok, well-" She was interrupted by P licking the side of her face. Golden Harvest shot back against the headboard of the bed, she held her hoof out as if to keep P at bay.
Rarity just gasped at P. “What in the world did you do that for?”
P giggled. “I wanted to know what gold tasted like, it tasted shiny.”
Rarity and Golden Harvest stared at P for a long moment before Rarity scooted next to Golden Harvest. “It is fine, P just wanted a…” She grimaced. “Taste. Now, please continue”
Golden Harvest reluctantly contined as she kept a watchful eye on P. “Alright, she said I had to deliver a message to you. And that she would meet you at the Ponyville Day Spa, at noon today.”
Rarity’s gaze shot over to the wall clock, half an hour till noon. She leapt off the bed and dashed over to her vanity, she rummaged again for a moment before pulling out a bottle and levitating it over to P. “P, this is dye remover, please help Golden Harvest with her mane, and DON’T LICK HER AGAIN. I have to leave now if I will be in time to meet with,” she paused for dramatic effect. “Goldhoof.” She could have sworn she heard a saxophone in the distance.
Rarity had to gallop to make it to the spa in time. She’d barely had time to grab any gadgets, which was risky…Rarity wasn't sure what to expect from Twilight. Aside from some ranting, Twilight hadn't actually done anything bad, at least that Rarity had seen. But, it never hurt to be prepared.
Sadly, being fashionably late was something this situation would not allow. After all, it had been just over a month since she had last seen Twilight, then The Book Keeper, next the Book Worm, then The Academician, and now Goldhoof, apparently. Even Celestia was experiencing difficulty in tracking her number-one student. There was no telling when Twilight might show up again, so missing this meeting was out of the question.
She skidded to a stop in front of the Spa door and quickly brushed herself off. She was just getting ready to enter when she heard hoof-steps behind her. Rarity turned to see a familiar lavender unicorn trotting up to her.
“Well well well, mister Rarity, we meet again.”
Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Mister..?” Her voice trailed off. No matter. She shook her head to regain her train of though. “So you are referring to yourself as Goldhoof now?”
“Why yes,” a smug smile crossed Goldhoof’s lips. “It seemed much more appropriate than The Academician, considering my new plans.” Goldhoof pushed the door to the spa open and trotted inside. She politely held the door open. “Coming?”
Rarity followed her in. “And what plans might those be?”
Goldhoof let out a quick sharp laugh. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, mister Rarity.”
Rarity’s eye twitched. Before she could respond, Aloe and Lotus Blossom, the twins that owned the spa entered the room. They bowed, and Lotus Blossom greeted Goldhoof and Rarity. “Mees Twilight and mees Rarity, so good of you to join us today.”
“That’s Goldhoof. Thank you,” corrected Goldhoof.
Rarity made a mental note that several hairs of Goldhoof’s mane had suddenly sprung loose of her normally well combed hair style upon being referred to as ‘Twilight.’
The twins looked at each other and Aloe shrugged. “Oh, of course mees Goldhoof, if you vill follow mee.”
The twins looked at each other again then tried and failed to subtly look between Goldhoof’s legs. Rarity stifled a snicker. The twins looked at each other a third time then back to Goldhoof. “Ummm, alright meester Goldhoof. Thees vay if you please.”
Goldhoof and Rarity followed Aloe into the massage room of the spa, each taking their place face down on adjacent massage beds.
As the two masseuses went to work, Rarity pondered how exactly to approach Twilight’s recent persona change, the accompanying disappearing act, and her suddenly wanting to be addressed as a stallion. That last one required a few mental gymnastics since she was clearly a mare. "So, Goldhoof…” Extracting information about Goldhoof’s plan would take tact, wit, caution and no small amount of charm. Rarity tilted her head to sneak a quick look at her self-styled nemesis. Goldhoof had a hoof up to her…she was picking her nose. Rarity sighed. Or maybe she should just ask.
Or she would have if Goldhoof hadn’t suddenly decided to say, “I can’t believe that the Queen would have an agent with such a drab mane.”
Rarity’s jaw dropped.
Goldhoof looked at her for a long time, long enough for the situation to become very awkward for everypony involved. Goldhoof’s eyes swiveled this way and that as an uncomfortable grin spread across her lips. “Uhh, I mean… I, uhh, didn’t think the Queen would have an agent who was so unfashionable.”
“Ho- how dare you! You- you,” stammered Rarity as she rolled clumsily off of the massage bed.
Goldhoof frowned and started mumbling to herself as Rarity seethed at her. “This isn’t how this is supposed to go, you’re supposed too- uhh.” She looked around. “Where’s the book?”
Rarity blinked.
Goldhoof stood up and franticly looked around. “Where is it, I thought I brought it… gaaaaaaaaaahhhh” She spun around in circles before skidding to a stop and began to hyperventilate.
Rarity wasn’t the kind of pony that often found herself at a loss for what to do. This was one of those few moments where all she could to was stare, on one hoof she felt compelled to help a friend who was clearly in a bad state, on the other she was still internally reeling from the odd verbal assault she had endured from somepony who is or was one of her dearest friends.
Rarity’s choice was made for her when Goldhoof stomped her hooves in frustration. “Rahhh, this is all wrong, I need my book. Wait here, I’ll be-“ She paused and blinked . “No, it would be more efficient if you just came to my lair at the Happy Alley Docks. It’s the warehouse, you can’t miss it.” With that she teleported away.
Leaving Rarity still in a rather stunned state. Aloe and Lotus looked at each other then Aloe delicately stepped over to Rarity.
“Umm, vill uhh, zat be all for you today mees Rarity?”
Rarity was getting tired of having to rush after Goldhoof, not to mention being rather put off by how out rude she had been. The Apple Bucker might be my… archenemy but at least she is not so uncouth as to resort to petty personal insults. She skidded to a stop in front of the address, it appeared to be a run-down factory or warehouse of some sort.
Rarity was about to push through the entrance when she stopped herself. This is too easy, too straight forward… Her horn glowed and she squinted her eyes as she examined the door. AHH HA! Sure enough there was an alarm spell and some kind of trigger on one of hinges of the door. Disarming the alarm was a quick process of matching the frequency of the spell that had been put in place. The trigger was even easier, she just opened the door next to it, bypassing it completely. With a final glance around she slipped into the lair of Goldhoof.
Inside was a long hallway, it only took Rarity a quick glance to notice that it was completely full of traps of various natures. This will be a bother. She tapped her hoof as she analyzed the situation. Individually each trap seemed to have a surprisingly simple trigger. I would have thought Goldhoof would have gone with something more complex-. While individually each trap was simple, they were all linked together. So disarming one would probably set off another. Disarming them all would take an awfully long time and she did leave P and Golden Harvest alone in her shop, with her dresses.
It took her a few moments but Rarity found a solo pressure plate nearby that would cause a mallet of some sort to swing down from the ceiling. “OH WOE IS ME, I HOPE I DO NOT SET OFF ANY OF THESE DASTARDLY WELL DESIGNED TRAPS” She daintily pressed her hoof on the pressure plate and ducked under the surprisingly large mallet then carefully laid down upon the floor, making sure not to damage her perfectly coifed mane then she closed her eyes and waited.
It didn’t take long before she heard voices. “See Menial Task, I told you it would be easy.”
“Could you stop calling me that.” The sound of clawed footsteps stopped beside her. “I don’t know Twi-“
“NO, DON’T CALL ME THAT! It’s Goldhoof.”
“Ok ok, sheesh. I still think this was too easy, Celestia wouldn’t have made Rarity a secret agent if she was this easy to capture.”
“This just proves that Princess err Queen, yes, Queen Celestia made a mistake by making her and not me, a secret agent.”
“Oh yeah, and you being crazy had nothing to do with that.” Menial Task muttered.
The hoof steps stopped beside her and Rarity felt the tingle over her coat as she was enveloped in a magical aura and lifted off of the ground. She let her body go limp and be carried. She briefly considered trying to break the aura and knock Goldhoof out, but decided against it. No matter how rude she was, she is still my friend, additionally I do not think I could break her magic even if I wanted too.
“Celestia should have picked me, I would have been the best secret agent, I wouldn’t have gotten so easily caught in a trap. I would have had no trouble deali-“
“Yeah yeah, you keep saying that.”
“Sorry, I just don’t know why Celestia trusts Rarity more than me now.”
“Aww c’mon Tw- Goldhoof, I’m sure Celestia still trusts you.”
“No, I’ve been over it in my head a million times, she doesn’t trust or like me anymore, that’s the only explanation why she picked Rarity to be her agent.”
“Wait, so that’s why you’re going to irradiate Equestria’s supply of books?”
“Huh? No, I changed my mind about that a week ago. I’m going to prove that I’m better than Rarity then Celestia will have to make me a secret agent and trust me again. HAAHAAHA” *cough cough*
“Are you ok?”
“Yes, I just don’t quite have the evil laugh down yet.”
“That’s something else I’ve been meaning to ask about, why do you have an evil laugh?”
“Oh, it was in the book.”
“Of course, my fault for asking.”
Rarity kept her eyes closed as the conversation went quiet and the only noise was hoof and claw steps. This is why she suddenly vanished? She felt betrayed when The Queen made me an agent of the crown? She had just gotten that thought out when she felt herself being pressed against a hard flat surface. Ugh, another iron table, Goldhoof must have been hanging out with The Apple Bucker. She let her arms and legs be clamped to the table but put a small amount of magic into each of the restraints before they were locked, hoping that Goldhoof wouldn’t notice.
“Do you want me to wake her up?” She heard Menial Task call out from beside her.
“Not yet not yet, let me get into position.”
Rarity heard scampering hoofsteps from somewhere in front of her.
“Ok ready, wake her up.”
Rarity felt a pointy claw poke her leg. She let her eyelids flutter as if she was waking up in the morning. “Wha, where…” She stuttered as she took in her surroundings quickly. She was in the middle of a large mostly empty warehouse. Menial Task was standing beside the iron table. In front of her sat Goldhoof, upon an impressively large stack of… gold… books… strange.
Goldhoof hopped off of her throne. “So Agent Rarity, we meet at last. I would shake your hoof but you appear to be all tied up.”
Rarity had to physically stop herself from popping her bindings off and facehoofing.
“Now that I have you,” Goldhoof strolled up beside the table. "nopony can stop my plan to-" She levitated a book from behind her. “Steal all the- no, irradiate the- uragh, no! I already decided not to do that. Kill… absolutely not.” She tossed the book behind her then quickly ran after it. “Ohhhh, Imsorry Imsorry Imsorry,” She held the book to her chest. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Rarity blinked. Ok, she appears to be… slightly unhinged. Perhaps I should play this by the book, so to speak. She cleared her throat, “You shall never get away with this, Goldhoof.”
Goldhoof’s head snapped up and she glared at Rarity. “Y-y-y-you, you can’t stop me,” she stomped over to the table. “And with you out of the way Celestia will have to give into my demands!” She reared up and stomped her front hooves on the table.
Rarity popped the clamps off of her legs then swung her rear hooves around Goldhoof’s torso, locking them. Then she used her magic to help her momentum and popped the clasps off her arms and flung both off them off the table. She landed on top of Goldhoof, who was too surprised to do much more than stare. Rarity touched her horn to Goldhoof’s, quickly casting a suppression spell, if Goldhoof really wanted to use magic she could probably power through the spell without any problem, but the surprise of suddenly not being able to use magic might keep her off guard.
Goldhoof was too stunned to react. “H-how did you!?”
Rarity sat up, still on top of Goldhoof’s stomach and flicked her coifed mane. “Darling, I am quite good at this.”
Menial Task came running around the table. “Twili-“
He skidded to a stop as Rarity held up a hoof to block him. “Nuh uh uhhh. Do be a dear a take a step back if you would.” As he did she turned back to Goldhoof. “Now then, how about we discuss this like two reasonable ponies.”
Goldhoof could only nod.
“Good. Now I take it you are feeling like Queen Celestia doesn’t appreciate you any longer.”
“H-how did you kno- urghhhhh.” *thunk* Goldhoof hit her head against the floor. “You were faking being knocked out.”
Rarity gave a sad smile. “I’m afraid so, you had an impressive number of traps, but they were very easy to detect for a trained agent.”
“You’re right, I’m just not cut out for this,” Goldhoof sniffed. “I don’t deserve to be a secret agent, I can’t even be a good villain.”
“Oh come now, Goldhoof,” Rarity smiled down at Goldhoof. “I happen to know that Queen Celestia misses you dearly.
Goldhoof looked up at her with tears in her eyes. “Really?”
“Absolutely darling, she practically asks me every day if I am closer to finding you.”
Goldhoof looked like she might break down, but in her current emotionally fragile state, that could mean giving up or running away. Something more was needed and in a moment of serendipity Rarity knew what was needed. “Why she even keeps a picture of you on her desk.”
“R-really?” Goldhoof’s eyes sparkled with hope.
Rarity nodded. “The Queen has been doing everything she can to find you.”
Goldhoof’s horn glowed, the suppression spell shattering without her noticing and she teleported out from under Rarity, who fell onto the floor with an “oof”
“I have to go to her, I have to tell her how much I’ve missed her.” With that Goldhoof ran out of the warehouse.
Rarity and Menial Task looked at each other then back at the door then Menial Task spoke up. “I guess this mean’s she isn’t going to break up you and Pinkie anymore.”
Rarity blinked then turned to him. “What?”
Before he could reply Goldhoof came running back into the room. “C’mon Spike, we have to go find Celestia.”
Rarity glared at him as he sheepishly ran over to Goldhoof.
Goldhoof started to run out the warehouse again but stopped in the doorway and turned back to Rarity. “Thank you Rarity, just call me Twilight. I don’t want to be Goldhoof anymore.” Then she was gone.
Rarity called out after her. “Happy to help, darling!” She turned and gave the room one more look before she reached her hoof up to her mane and pulled out a hairpin. She bent it open and put it to her ear. She was expecting to hear Queen Celestia’s voice, but instead she heard a ticking. “Oh dear…” She quickly flung the hairpin away from her and took cover behind the table.
*BOOOOOOOM* a huge explosion blew a hole in the warehouse wall. Rarity peeked around the table and looked at the burning wreckage of the lair and the streamers that were still falling from the blast. “Ugh Pinkie, I must remember to tell her to change the look of communicator or grenades.” She mumbled to herself as she pulled out another hairpin and carefully bent it.
“Hello, Rarity?”
“Oh good, hello your majesty. Do you have a picture of Twilight?”
“I have a photo of all of you, why?”
“Well, the good news is that your most faithful student is on her way back to you.”
“Oh this is wonderful news.”
Rarity could feel the warmth of Celestia’s suddenly ecstatic mood even through the communicator. “But the bad news is that I had to tell her you kept a photo of her on your desk and I have a feeling she will be expecting to see it.”
The line was quiet for a short moment. “Thank you for your hard work Agent Rarity, do not worry about the picture. I shall take care of it immediately.”
Several hours later at the parents of Twilight Sparkle’s house.
Night Light trotted through the entrance hall and noticed something off, something was missing. He leaned down at looked at the end table. “Velvet,” he called out “didn’t we used to have a picture of Twilight on the table here?”
From a few rooms away he heard a reply. “I think so.”
Rarity skidded to a stop. The heavy caliber ‘after-party’ party cannon slipped off of her back and landed in the dirt with a thud.
“APPLEJACK!” she shouted. “COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANT OR I WILL COME IN AFTER YOU!”
Before Rarity was a cave. Blocking her way was a large red apple shaped door set in the cave mouth. To both sides of it were traps. Rarity knew these traps, she had fallen for ones like them before. Even now she had to stop herself from trying to rescue the delightful lilac frock from the mud in which it was descending, the fire-ruby from the teenage dragon who was currently gnawing on it and the roll of imported midnighter fabric from an abnormally large moth which was currently laying on it.
NO. All of those things were mere distractions, The Apple Bucker had gone too far this time.
Rarity mounted the cannon and aimed it at the door. The dragon got a nervous look and edged away from the door.
“THEN I, AM COMING IN!” She covered her ears and lit the fuse with her magic. After a moment that seemed much longer than it was, the cannon roared. A rocket shot out of the barrel, sparks and streamers trailed behind it as it raced towards the door. It impacted with a massive explosion of confetti and a variety of cakes flying this way and that. By the time the dust and pastries had settled a huge hole was all that remained of the apple door.
Rarity hopped over the spent cannon and rushed through the new hole. The passageway might have at one point almost looked nice, with a marble floor, white stone pillars and what appeared to be recessed lighting along the ceiling. But now that was all covered in debris, scorch marks and frosting.
Rarity slowed, it would not do to get caught in a trap after having gained entrance to the lair, plus I would prefer to avoid getting any of this on my hooves. As she zig zagged around pieces of cake she heard a groan coming from the far end of the corridor.
A dirty orange hoof pushed out from a pile of icing and rubble. The Apple Bucker emerged from the pile, looking dirty but otherwise no worse for wear.
“APPLEJACK!” Shouted Rarity as she assumed a fighting stance.
The Apple Bucker’s head shot up and she glared at the intruder. “THAT’S THE APPLE BUCKER!” she shouted back. “YA GOT ALOTTA NERVE COMIN’ IN HERE AND BLOWING UP MY DOOR AND NOT CALLIN’ ME BY MY NAME!” She finished with a snort, smoke should have blown out of her nostrils to emphasize the point but instead colored paper came out, somewhat ruining the image.
“Well you should have thought about that before you went too far AND FOALNAPPED P!” Rarity pulled out her lipstick and charged.
“The Great Apple, told me it was the only way to make ya mine and The Great Apple ain’t never wrong.” The Apple Bucker picked up her hat and grabbed her rope, “and ya will be MINE!” then charged at Rarity.
“You’ve got another thing coming if you think for one moment that taking P will endear you to me, you RUFFIAN!” Rarity’s magic clicked something in her lipstick and the tip of it came out. A brilliant shining blue tip with electricity arcing from it.
The Apple Bucker readied herself, her swinging her rope into a lasso, ready to meet Rarity’s charge. “Well c’mon then ya…” she paused for a moment. “Ya FASIONIESTA!”
Rarity blinked, in the middle of her charge, she blinked. It took her a moment to piece together what Applejack or the Apple Bucker had just said, she had just tried to insult her by calling her, her profession outside of being an agent of the crown. She tried to stop it, really she did, but she couldn’t. Her hoof raised on its own, she had to facehoof; it had to be done. Unfortunately she was in the middle of a gallop, even more unfortunately the hoof she was currently raising was supposed to be touching down on the ground about this point.
Instead of continuing her gallop Rarity found herself in a roll, she quickly tucked her head down and tried to roll into a ball. She succeeded and managed to spin summersault once then kick off the floor with her legs, she even maintained magical hold over her lipstick. It was truly a beautiful recovery. But, sometimes beautiful just isn’t enough. As spectacular as her recovery had been, it also put her in the path of a suddenly spinning lipstick taser. Which managed to spin in just such a way that the electrified end landed right on her cutie mark.
Rarity’s jaw clenched as electricity shot through her, pinning her to the spot. Making her an easy target for the Apple Bucker’s lasso, which quickly wrapped around her torso then yanked her down. She landed at the Apple Bucker’s hooves, who didn’t wait a second before hogtying Rarity up and throwing her on her back.
“Shucks, ya didn’t have to do all those fancy moves just fer little ol’ me.” As if to emphasize the ‘me’ The Apple Bucker slid a hood over Rarity’s head. Trotting further into the cave as Rarity shouted expletives that cannot be said here.
The hood was pulled off her head to reveal a grinning orange face hovering over her. “Good, yer awake, now we can get started.”
Rarity gritted her teeth. She couldn’t use her arms or legs, her magic was blocked and her mane was a mess. Even in the direst situations she had tried not to take anything too personally. However, this time, The Apple Bucker had gone too far. “If you think for one moment that-“
The Apple Bucker ignored her and trotted to a console on the other side of the room. “An’ I’m gonna drop the cage into the vat of acid then you’ll be all mah’n.” The Apple Bucker said with smug satisfaction.” Behind her was a cage that contained a pink mare with fluffy pink mane and tail, beside her stood a younger mare with light yellow coat and red mane and tail.
“C’mon Applejack, this ain’t funny.” The younger one said.
The Apple Bucker slammed her hoof against the console she stood before, making a large dent in the metal casing. “DON’T CALL ME THAT! I’M THE APPLE BUCKER AN’ I PLAN TO HAVE RARITY ALL TO My-SELF.”
Rarity tapped her hoof against the table. “I have tried to be patient with you, I have tried not to hurt you when we fought, but FOALNAPPING P,” her voice cut through the chamber, echoing off the walls, “is going too far.” She narrowed her eyes as she glared at The Apple Bucker. “You will NOT get away with this, this time.”
The Apple Bucker giggled loudly as she suddenly galloped over to the table that Rarity was strapped too. “That’s tha passion I was lookin’ for from ya.” Her head was so close to Rarity’s cheek that Rarity could feel her breath flow over her fur. “As soon as I get rid of P, all that passion will have no place to go but ta me.” She threw back her head and let out an evil cackle then turned and blew Rarity a kiss and trotted back to the console. She reached up a hoof and pressed a button on top of the console.
A loud *shlick* echoed and a water fall of green goo surrounded the cage. The Apple Bucker laughed again. “Even if ya get of those straps, ya ain’t gonna make it through the goo fall to save yer P.”
Rarity gritted her teeth as The Apple Bucker pushed up on a lever and the cage containing P and Applebloom jerked then started slowly lowering.
“Rarity,” shouted P, “the cage is moving, can you come save me now? I don’t think I like it in here anymore.”
The Apple Bucker frowned and pushed on the lever again. “Hey, what gives, Applebloom?” She turned to the cage. “I thought this lever was supposed to drop the cage, not slowly lower it.”
“No, ya just said ya wanted a cage that would go down into tha acid pit, Ah remember that.” Applebloom said as she glared back at The Apple Bucker through the bars of the cage. “An’ why am Ah in this dang cage anyway, Ah’m sick of being stuck in yer cages.”
“Its cause ya can’t be trusted, ya keep telling Rarity where mah lairs are.” The Apple Bucker stamped her hooves, “Yer trying to get between us, ya ain’t getting in the way no more.” The Apple Bucker started hitting the lever.
While The Apple Bucker was distracted with the lever, Rarity quickly slid out the lock pick she kept in her tail and deftly released her leg then arm manacles. She leapt off of the table and rushed toward The Apple Bucker.
The Apple Bucker looked up just in time to see Rarity lunge at her. Rarity wrapped her arms around The Apple Bucker’s neck and used her momentum to spin around The Apple Bucker and she slammed her rear legs into the console, snapping off the lever. She kept hanging onto The Apple Bucker’s neck as they both spun.
Rarity could see The Apple Bucker rearing back with her front hoof to deliver a powerful blow, in a split second decision she grabbed The Apple Bucker’s face with her free arm and pulled her head forward and planted a deep kiss onto The Apple Bucker’s lips.
The Apple Bucker went limp in shock. Rarity used this to her advantage, she tucked her rear legs against her belly to spin faster, pulling The Apple Bucker off of her hooves. Rarity let go just in time to launch herself away from The Apple Bucker who slammed into the side of the console, knocking her out cold.
Rarity landed perfectly, but had no time to pose. Well, not a big pose, certainly a little one. After all, P was there. “WOOOOOO WAY TO GO RARITY!” Cried P, as the cage inched down.
All that stood between Rarity and P was a curtain of green goo. She hesitated only a second before leaping though. She landed on the side of the cage, her goo coated hooves couldn’t grip the bars and she started to slide down before a pair of pink legs shot out between the bars and grabbed her.
The smiling face of P gazed down at her from inside the cage. “I got you Rarity.” P pulled Rarity up against the side of the cage.
“Thank you, P. I’ll have you both out of there in a moment.” Rarity stood with her hind legs on the bottom of the cage as she wrapped her arms around P. With herself secured she gave her tail a flick and her lock pick flipped out of her sopping green curls.
After a brief moment of clicking the door swung open, Applebloom hopped out and landed on the edge of the platform, just in front of the goo fall. Rarity leaned forward and gave P a quick nuzzle then leapt off and landed next to Applebloom, followed quickly by P.
“Ya think mah sis is gonna be alright?” Asked Applebloom.
Rarity held up a hoof and closed her eyes. “One moment please, I need silence to break this anti-magic enchantment on my horn.”
Pinkie scooted next to Applebloom and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, “The Apple Bucker will be fine.”
“Ah don’t want her ta be The Apple Bucker anymore, Ah just want mah sister back.”
Pinkie put her hoof to Applebloom’s lips “Shh shh shhhhhh. Rarity and auntie Pinkie will take care of everything.”
They stood in silence for several minutes before a burst of laughter filled the lair “Wahahaaaaaa,” laughed Rarity as a blue glow surrounded her horn. With a quick flick of her head she pulled a lose panel from one of the various machines around the lair and brought it up under the goo fall. “Now, shall we abdicate this dreadful lair?” She said with a smile, which was ruined by a green glob falling from her mane and landing on the tip of her nose.
As Rarity stood there shaking her head and making gagging noises, P and Applebloom stepped away from the cage and over to where The Apple Bucker lay. “Ya think she’s al ’right?”
P leaned over The Apple Bucker and poked her, she stirred. “Yeah, Applejack’s gonna be fine, we’ll take her to Queen Celestia and she will get her back to normal in a jiffy.”
Rarity stepped up beside P, still covered in green goo. She could feel it as it oozed into her coat and shivered. “Yes, the Queen will surely know what to do with her. However in the meantime, we should probably tie her up.”
“I’m on it Rarity.” P saluted and dashed off, only to return a second later with a rope she had acquired somewhere. As she set to work binding The Apple Bucker a ringing filled the chamber. “Uhhh, Rarity, I think you’re ringing.”
“It must be Queen Celestia.” Rarity reached into her mane and pulled out three hair pins, she shook off the goo and set them all on the floor and stared at them as the ringing continued. She tapped her chin with her hoof. “P, which one is the phone?”
P hopped over to her and pointed her hoof at the leftmost hair pin. “This one.”
“Thank you, darling. I wish you would put a light on the phone, I would rather not accidently set off another one of your party bombs.” Rarity picked up the hairpin P had pointed to and bend it straight then put it to her ear. “Hello, your highness.”
Rarity trotted to the side of the room to talk to the Queen while P and Applebloom stood over the unconscious form of The Apple Bucker. “Ah wonder why she went so oranges over Rarity.” Said Applebloom, more to herself then P.
A scoff could be heard across the lair as Rarity looked back at them before quickly turning back around. “No no no Queen Celestia, I was laughing at something P said.”
Applebloom turned back to P. “AH know Aj loves Rarity, but Ah still don’t get why she went so oranges fer her.”
P giggled. “Cause Rarity is a super doper great pony.”
“She didn’t love me,” said Rarity as she trotted back over and bent the hairpin back into a hairpin shape. “She was obsessed with me, there is a rather large difference.” Her horn glowed and she tugged on The Apple Bucker’s bindings, testing them. She smiled at P. “Darling, I hate to do this, but would you be a dear and deliver The Apple Bucker to Queen Celestia?”
P looked disappointed. “You’re not coming back with us?”
“I am afraid not,” Rarity tried and failed to shake the goo out of her mane. “Apparently The Queen has discovered the location of The Awesome and she would like me to confront her before she moves again.”
A cave… Somehow Rarity had expected something more. The Awesome holing up in a cave just didn’t seem to fit her, she should have been in a cloud fortress but this… A quick survey of her surroundings just confirmed she was still standing in a green field, long grass gently blew in the wind, if it wasn’t for the dark cave sitting almost in the middle of it, this would have been a fabulous spot for a picnic.
Beside the cave entrance sat several boxes and a half made rectangular silver machine. Rarity recognized it as one of the miscellaneous machines that always seemed to be in the villain’s lairs, but this one was clearly unfinished. The boxes had some sort of foam spears and foam fingers with “THE AWESOME!!!” Written on them.
“Well, this is clearly where her lair is,” mumbled Rarity as she stepped to the mouth of the cave. She prepared herself and was about to enter when a noise from above caught her attention.
She hopped back as a single drop of liquid hit the ground where her currently messy mane had just been. She looked up and noticed a single small cloud hovering above the cave, with a rainbow hanging off the side of it.
A trap or- Rarity’s ruminations where interrupted by a loud snore coming from above. Ahh, well that makes sense. Her horn and the rainbow both began to glow a light blue as she wrapped her magic around the rainbow and pulled hard.
A blue pegasus burst through the clouds, propelled downward by a combination of Rarity’s magic and gravity.
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” *ooof!* A light blue pegasus landed with a thud on the ground. Before she could get up Rarity rushed over and stood on her chest, pinning her to the ground.
“Wha… what gives, Rarity?” She blinked and struggled under Rarity’s weight. “What are you doing here? Get off me.”
Rarity pressed more of her weight on the blue pegasus. “Well, if it isn’t The Awesome.”
The Awesome blinked and looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned in her eyes. “Oh yeah… That.” She glared up. “C’mon Rarity, getoff me,” she paused and blinked again. “What happened to your mane?” She asked, just as a glob of green goo landed on the grass next to her head.
Rarity glared back at her and adjusted herself to apply a bit more weight. “I have had a rough day and I am in no mood for nonsense, so tell me your plan or whatever scheme you have going and I shall go easy on you.”
“Uhhhhgh, cmon ease up. I was just sleeping.”
Rarity leaned down and looked right into The Awesome’s eyes. “Then what are you doing with these boxes?”
“Twilight said that an awesome super villain needed the right ambulance for her lair.”
Rarity shook her head and lifted some of her weight from The Awesome, but kept her pinned. “The word you’re looking for is ambiance,” she narrowed her eyes, “but that still doesn’t tell me what you’re up to.”
The Awesome shrank back. “I uhh, just got here.”
Rarity raised her eyebrow. “You just got here and decided to take a nap?”
The Awesome smirked sheepishly. “Well, I tried putting together that machine that beeps, but it’s hard. So I decided to take a nap.”
“Then why even bother with the machine?”
“Twilight said that any proper super villain needed a beep machine or whatever, she also said that I needed weapons. Those spears looked so cool in the catalog, how was I supposed to know they were foam.” Sighed The Awesome.
Rarity stepped off of The Awesome’s chest, but she kept a spell ready, just in case. “You don’t seem particularly enthused with this super villain thing.”
The Awesome rolled over and stood on her hooves. “Not really, Twilight made it sound really fun, but…” She trailed off and wandered to the half-finished machine next to the cave. “It’s really boring and I don’t get what I’m supposed to do.”
"Then why did you decide to become The Awesome?”
“Yech,” The Awesome’s nose scrunched up in disgust. “You know, that name sounds a lot cooler when I say it. When anypony else says it. It just sounds; lame.”
A smile crept along Rarity’s lips. “Does that mean I can go back to calling you Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah, I know I’m awesome, anypony else can see I’m awesome, I don’t need to call myself The Awesome.”
“Marvelous.” Then Rarity frowned. “I am going to ask you something very important and I insist that you answer honestly and quickly.” As she spoke she stepped right up to Rainbow Dash, their noses almost touching as Dash tried to back away from the suddenly very intense unicorn, but found herself pinned against the side of the cave mouth. Rarity narrowed her eyes as she spoke. “Do you have a shower in your cave?” Almost to accentuate her point a glob of green goo fell from her mane and plopped on the ground.
Rainbow Dash let out an uncomfortable chuckle as her eyes darted this way and that. “Uhhh huhh,” she stammered. “Sorry Rarity, I only got here last night, all I got are these boxes and that machine thing.”
Rarity hung her head and a thin spray of goo trickled off her mane. “Thank you anyway, Rainbow. Ugh, no matter how much I shake there is almost more of this horrible mess.”
Rainbow hopped back. “Well don’t get it on me, it looks gross.”
“Thank you for your sympathy,” said Rarity as she rolled her eyes. “Now do be a dear and follow me, Queen Celestia will be most interested in having a chat with you and I simply must find a shower.”
Rainbow Dash gulped, but followed after Rarity, hovering in the air as Rarity trotted along. “You don’t think she’ll be mad, do you?”
“I honestly couldn’t say, but considering that you gave yourself up. I don’t think she will be too cross with you. If anypony should be worried about what the Queen will say it should be the Applebucker.”
“The Applebucker… errr that’s Applejack right?”
Rarity nodded. “Indeed and let me tell you, she has caused no end of problems.”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Really? Applejack?”
“I am afraid so. She apparently has become infatuated with me, enough to become rather deranged.”
Rainbow let out a laugh and rolled over as she flew after Rarity. “C’mon Rarity, AJ is the most down to earth earthpony around. I mean, sure you’re hot, but this is AJ. She wouldn’t go nuts to impress somepony…” Rainbow stopped laughing when she noticed that Rarity wasn’t laughing with her. “right?”
“She started putting Applebloom in a cage.”
“What?” Rainbow stopped and hovered as she tried to wrap her mind around this revelation. She shook her head and sped forward to catch up with Rarity. “Why would she do that to her sister?”
“I’m afraid I’m not quite sure, from talking to Applebloom after…” Rarity scrunched up her nose as she contemplated her words before sighing. “Defeating The Ap- I mean Applejack. Apparently she would behave as the Applejack we all know and love, but as Applebloom got closer and closer to finishing up the lair-“
“Applebloom makes AJ’s lairs?”
Rarity nodded.
“Aww, I should have gotten her to do my cave.”
Rarity coughed. “Yes, well, be that as it may. When she would be finished creating the lair, Applejack would become unhinged and throw her in a cage and begin ranting and raving about Applebloom being a ‘leak’ or some other nonsense.”
“That still doesn’t sound like AJ.”
Rarity managed to shrug as she kept walking. “I know what you mean, darling, but I have had to rescue Applebloom several times from her sister. Why, this last time she had both Applebloom and P up in a cage and she was planning on dropping them into a grinder or some such nonsense.”
“Yo- you’re kidding? Why would she want to kill Applebloom and… Pinkie?”
“Yes, P is Pinkie.” Rarity shook her mane, trying to dislodge some of the goo that remained, but all it succeeded in doing was making a green mess on the dirt. She sighed. “I honestly have only a vague idea and it still makes no sense.”
“Twi didn’t seem crazy like that when she started wanting to be called the The Academy-”
“The Academician.” Corrected Rarity
Rainbow huffed. “The whatever.”
“Or that’s what she used to call herself, she changed it again to Gold Hoof.”
“What? Why?”
“Some spy book she had been reading. Incidentally, I don’t suppose you would happen to know where The Stare, fluttered off to, would you?”
“The Stare… and I thought my name sounded lame. Nah, I haven’t seen her since she told me the animals were uhh something?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Something?”
“Yeah, I don’t really remember, I was trying to break the Ponyville record for longest time balancing an ice cream cone on my nose. You remember, I ended up dropping it on your… uhh.” Rainbow looked sheepish. “Dress.”
“Grrrrrrryes, I seem to recall something like that.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“You did not!”
“Well, I meant too.” Suddenly Rainbow found herself unable to keep flying forward, she spun around to find a light blue glow surrounding her tail. “Rarity! What gives, I’m sorry, ok?”
“Quiet.” Rarity wasn’t looking at her, instead she was looking at the trees around them with wide eyes.
“What?” For the first time Rainbow noticed the birds. The branches of every tree around them was full of birds, all sorts of birds, silently watching them. “Uhhhhhhhhh,” she snapped her wings to her sides and landed next to Rarity. Before she could say anything a bear appeared and growled at them.
“I believe we may have found The Stare.” Whispered Rarity.
Rainbow looked around at the birds and the bear. “Well, I’m sure you can handle it.” Her wings spread. “See ya.”
“You’re not still mad are you?”
Rarity continued walking and pointedly ignoring the pegasus in the net being carried by the birds.
“Aww come on, I said I was sorry.”
Rarity sighed. “No, you said ‘you couldn’t believe they had nets.’”
Rainbow struggled in the net. “Raahh, fine. I’m sorry I tried to run away and I called you a ‘sucker’ even though I totally should have been able to get away.”
“You are horrible at apologies.” Said Rarity as she flicked some of the remaining green goo out of her tail.
Rainbow kicked at the net. “OH Yea-. “ She was interrupted by the bear turning around and growling at her and Rarity.
They both shrunk back till it turned back around.
Rarity leaned her head close to Rainbow. “I suppose this should wait until we deal with The Stare.”
“The Stare-” Rainbow blinked “Wait! What do you mean ‘deal with’?”
Before Rarity could reply the bear let out a roar. They walked the rest of the way in silence or as silent as it could be with an assortment of chirping birds and a heavy breathing bear.
Eventually they somewhat quietly arrived at a house that looked suspiciously like Fluttershy’s cottage, in fact the only difference was the addition of animals everywhere. Which really wasn’t out of the usual, except for the fact that they all had glowing eyes. Well, not really but they certainly didn’t look happy to see Rarity or Rainbow.
“Psssst, you got a plan right?” Rainbow whispered as she strained against the netting.
Rarity tapped her hoof. “Well, I was thinking that perhaps I should use some type of winged pony as bait for the bear then I would make my cunning escape.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Hardy har har.”
The door opened and out stepped a petite yellow pegasus, her pink mane covering one side of her face as a small army of animals ran out between her legs and surrounded Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
“Fluttershy? What the he- HEY QUIT IT!” Rainbow yelped as a white bunny smacked her head with his paw then hopped back over to the yellow pegasus.
“Oh! Are you alright Rain-" The bunny tapped on the pegasus’s leg and glared at her. “Oh, um, alright. That’s The Stare to you.”
“I’m not calling you that, Flutters- Oww!” Mr Bear lowered his paw after having finished hitting the back of Rainbow’s head.
The Stare gasped. “Mr Bear! That wasn’t very nice.” She galloped over to Rainbow Dash and reached her hoof through the netting and patted Rainbow’s head.
Rarity watched as The Stare fret over Rainbow. The animals surrounding them didn’t quite seem happy about this development, she watched as Mr Bear sidled up to The Stare and tried to growl at her. The Stare swung her head around and pinned him with a look and he backed up, looking crestfallen as The Stare went back to Rainbow.
Rarity tapped her chin. “Ms. Stare, may I call you Ms. Stare?” The Stare turned to her. “If I may say, you don’t seem to want to hurt anypony.”
The Stare shook her head vigorously. “Oh no, never. I could never hurt somepony.” She said as timidly as always, well, almost always. There was still that Iron Will incident.
“Then, if you do not mind me asking, what is with all your little-” she paused and eyed the Mr Bear. “And big animal friends.”
The Stare blinked as she looked at Rarity. “Umm, Rarity, you have something in your mane.”
Rarity’s eye twitched as she felt a glob of goo drip from her curls. She ignored the comment and pressed forward. “Your animals seem a bit angry.”
The Stare glanced around. “Oh, they aren’t angry, they just, umm have a grievance.”
Rarity had to stop herself from scoffing. They are animals, what could they possibly have a grievance against. “What could they possible have a grievance against?”
“Umm, they want a vote.” Replied The Stare sheepishly.
“A vote?” asked Rainbow and Rarity together.
“Yes.”
“What would dumb animals want- aaaahhhhhhhhh oof!” The birds that had been carrying Rainbow Dash glared at her as they flew over to The Stare.
Rarity turned back to the Stare. “I am a bit confused, what are your little-" she glanced at the bear again “friends wanting to vote on?”
The white rabbit hopped on top of the Stare’s back. He stood up on his rear legs and gestured with its arms while making squeaking noises.
“Uh huh, okay.” The Stare turned back to Rarity. “Angel sa-" The rabbit thumped its foot and glared at her. “Oh, um, ok. The Mastermind says they want to be able to vote for the leader of the animals."
*Poit!* Rarity almost had to reach up and cover her mouth to prevent a devious smirk from spreading out over her face. “So, the animals want to select another leader besides Angel Bunny?”
Several of the birds nodded and began to tweet approval before the alarmed squeaks of the MasterMind drowned them out. He leapt off the Stare’s back and started to chase off the birds. When he got to Mr. Bear, Mr. Bear just leaned down and growed. The Mastermind rushed back to the Stare and looked up at her with puppy… rabbit eyes.
“Oh, alright.” She walked up to Mr. Bear, who suddenly looked ashamed. “It’s time to go home Mr. Bear, you can come back by tomorrow for our tea party.”
Mr. Bear looked crestfallen as he slunk away. “You’re not mad are you? PLEASE DON’T BE MAD!” Called out the Stare after him.
A quick glance around confirmed that aside from an ill-tempered rabbit, all the animals had gone. Rarity walked up beside the Stare. “So, would it be correct to assume the issue is resolved?”
The Stare looked at the Mastermind, who was hopping into her house then promptly slammed the door. “Umm, I think so. Can you also just call me Fluttershy again, I don’t really like being ‘the Stare’.”
“Oh course, Darling, of course.” A very serious expression crossed Rarity’s face. “But, I do have to ask you one thing. May I use your shower?”
Fluttershy looked at Rarity then the tied up Rainbow Dash, then back to Rarity. “Alri-“ She couldn’t even finish the word before Rarity disappeared into the house.
“-ght.” A soft wind blew through the leaves as Fluttershy stood there. She blinked as the leaves rustled and a noise brought her attention to the still netted pegasus laying on the ground.
“If you’re done with all that animal stuff, could you get me out of here?” Asked an irritated Rainbow Dash.
Later.
A smiling Rarity exited Fluttershy’s cottage. She felt cleansed and rejuvenated. “Ahh, much better.”
“Oh, you look so clean.” Said Fluttershy as she turned away from the tree that Rainbow Dash was laying in.
Rainbow turned her head to look down at Rarity. “Yeah yeah, she’s super-hot. Can we go now?”
“Of course, darling.” Rarity levitated a hair pin out of her mane. “Let me just contact-" She snapped the hairpin while she was talking, resulting in a ticking noise. She signed and levitated the hairpin up to Rainbow Dash.
“Be a dear and throw this as high as you can?”
Rainbow scrunched up her nose. “What? Why?”
Rarity’s eye twitched again as the ticking continued. She grabbed Rainbow and pulled her nose to nose with her. “Rainbow Dash, I bet you’re not strong enough to throw this hairpin over that cloud behind me.”
Rainbow scoffed. “Feh, no problem.” She grabbed the hairpin from Rarity and threw it. Just as it reached the cloud it exploded into a colorful explosion of fire and confetti.
The group arrived at headquarters to find Twilight sitting at a desk covered in stacks of papers, in front of the door to the Queen’s room.
“I don’t remember seeing this building before.” Whispered Fluttershy as she looked around.
Rainbow flew up and poked the chandelier. “Yeah, I know I haven’t seen this place when I was flying around Ponyville.”
While the rest of her friends gawked. Rarity trotted up to Twilight.
Twilight lazily looked up then back down to the paper work. “Can I help you?” A hint of disdain trickled out with her voice.
Rarity hesitated, this was different. “Umm, yes, we are here to see the Queen.”
Twilight tilted her head and glanced at another piece of paper before returning to what she had been working on. “You’re not on the list.”
Rarity blinked then scowled at Twilight. “Of course I’m on the list, I am QUEEN CELESTIA’s head agen-" she paused and shook her head before glaring at Twilight. “There is no list!”
Twilight glared back. “Of course there’s a list, I have it right here and you’re not on it so you can’t see the Queen, her time is too valuable to waste.”
Rarity was about to respond when the door to the building popped open and P hopped inside, the ever-present smile she wore got bigger when she noticed Rarity, but instead of leaping on Rarity, she hopped over to Twilight who scowled at her.
“Oh Twilight, thank goodness you’re here,” said P.
“I’ve been here all morning and you know it. Is this important or are you going to keep distracting me from my work?”
P giggled. “I’ll say it’s important, somepony outside is throwing books all over.”
A look of panic began to spread over Twilight’s face as she half rose from the desk. “What books are they throwing and who is doing it?”
P reached behind her and held up a book with the title ‘Something A’Do About Magic’ “This book right here and me.” With a smile on her face she leapt up, doing a quick flip and flung the book out the door of the building.
Twilight was on her hooves in a flash, chasing after the book while yelling. “PINKIEEEEEEE, HOW COULD YOU!”
Rarity turned back to P, who just shrugged. “She’s been a grumpy gus all day and hasn't been letting anypony in to see the Queen.” P walked over to the door and opened it for Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
They entered a surprisingly boring looking hallway, leaving Rarity a little stunned. “Wha- what happened to the entrance way?”
Rainbow looked around. “I don’t know, looks like a normal hallway too me.”
“It’s not supposed to be a normal hallway, it’s supposed to have gates and moving walls and a… phone booth.” Rarity finished lamely and tapped her hoof on the plush red carpet.
P hopped up beside her and rested an arm around her shoulders. “I know, it’s so boring this way, but Twilight said the old way was inefficient. Can you believe it?”
The normal entrance way gave plenty of time to converse between walls opening and closing, but this new one was much shorter and they arrived at a boring door with a placard that read ‘Queen’ in gold lettering.
Rarity quietly pushed the door open, while feeling very out of sorts for not knocking first. Before her the Queen sat in her usual office but something was off.
Queen Celestia wore a blank expression as she stared into space. Rarity was unsure what to make of the scene then it hit her, the Queen’s desk was completely clean. The normally stacked sky high paperwork that occupied the desk had been reduced to a single coffee mug. Which said 'Best Queen' on the side.
Rarity and her friends assembled before the desk as Celestia sat in silence. Which continued for a long moment until Rarity politely cleared her throat.
Queen Celestia’s head shot-up as she noticed the ponies in her office for the first time and her usual demeanor and warm smile returned. “Ahh, agent Rarity, so good to see you back and I see you have successfully returned with The Awesome and The Stare.”
Rarity stood at attention. “It is good to be back my Queen, and yes, I was successful in my mission. Although, they prefer just Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, again.”
The two had the decency to look suitably ashamed as their names were mentioned.
“I am very glad to see you all back with us. I apologize for not properly welcoming you. Today has been rather strange, I have had no ponies come to see me or drop off any work all day, it is very strange.”
P stood up on her rear legs and saluted. “That’s because Twilight has been making sure you weren’t disturbed.”
Queen Celestia sighed and gently laid her head down on her desk. “Twilight,” she rubbed her temples with her hooves. “This is why I couldn’t make her a secret agent, she becomes overly protective.” She sighed again. “I probably should not have even made her a secretary.”
After a long awkward minute Queen Celestia Raised her head her smile returned. “But enough of that. So, how did you manage to recover both of your friends, Rarity? I imagine it took some sort of magnificent pitched battle.”
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash glanced at each other while Rarity shuffled her hoof on the rug. “Truth be told, my Queen. Neither one of them was that big on the whole villain thing, not like Twilight Sparkle or Applejack. Speaking of Applejack, were you able to find out what was wrong with her?”
P pipped up. “Oh oh oh, she had a huge tumor.”
*GASP!* Gasped Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy at the same time.
“What do you mean?”
“Is she okay?”
“What do yo- oh, you said that already.”
Celestia’s eyes shot open in surprise. “There is something wrong with Applejack?” She blinked. “SHES BACK!?”
P hopped in place. “Yeppers, I brought her back hours ago, Twilight said you were busy and she would tell you when you had a moment.”
A small flame erupted from Celestia’s mane before quickly being extinguished with a puff of smoke. “Ladies, you may wish to cover your ears.” The four of them quickly complied just as “TWILIGHT GET IN HERE!” rang out in the Royal Voice, shaking the walls.
Rarity and her friends had hardly lowered their hooves when the door behind them swung open and a purple streak raced to the Queen’s desk. “My Queen, I came as quickly as I could.” She said as she practically crawled onto Queen Celestia’s desk. “What can I do to make your day better, anything, anything at all.”
Celestia raised her head back as Twilight invaded her personal space before quickly composing herself. *cough* “Yes, P just informed me that Applejack has returned. Why was I not told?”
Twilight suddenly looked rather sheepish as she slid off the desk. “Ohh, well, uhh, you were just so busy that I didn’t want to bother you with something trivial like that.”
“Trivial? P informed us that she had a tumor.”
“Oh nonono, it wasn’t a tumor, it was just some silly thing. Hardly worth your time.”
Celestia gave her a disappointed look and just said one word. “Twilight.”
Twilight’s uncomfortable grin faded. “Umm, err, maybe she should be the one to tell you about it. I’ll go get her.” With that, she ran out of the room.
Celestia tapped her desk. “Today has been strange.”
*BAM!!!*
Rarity and her friends jumped in surprise when a hidden side door swung open and slammed against the wall. A cream colored earth pony burst out followed by a curious looking lime green unicorn. “Is everything ok, are we under attack!?”
Celestia rubbed her temple. “No, Agent Hard Candy, I was just calling for Twilight.”
“Oh course my que-" Hard Candy stopped when she noticed Rarity. “Rarity.” She said with a glare.
Rarity glared back. “Sweetie Drops.”
P hopped up behind Rarity “Pinkie!” she shouted.
Behind Hard Candy the green mare hopped up also. “Lyra!”
Rarity and Hard Candy ignored them as they continued to stare each other down. “I suppose its agent Hard Candy now. If you keep giving away your secret identity you won't have any left.” She said with an air of superiority.
Before Hard Candy could respond the lime green mare with matching mane trotted in front of her. “Wow, Bon Bon, you were right, this place is great.” She noticed the Queen looking at her wide eyed. She smiled and waved at her.
“And, you brought Lyra here, what in Equestria are you thinking?”
“It used to be such a nice secret organization I had.” Said the Queen as she laid her head back down on her desk.
Hard Candy huffed. “I could say the same for you,” Hard Candy retorted as she pointed at Rainbow and Fluttershy. “She has just as much right to be here as they do.”
Rarity patted her mane as she replied. “They are here at the Queen’s request after I managed to persuade them to end their villainous ways.”
“HEY.” Said Rainbow as she stomped her hoof.
“Do not involve me in this.” Mumbled the Queen from under the leg that was draped over her face.
Hard Candy waved dismissively. “Oh such a big accomplishment. They probably captured you with some dumb trap like the Apple****er did.”
“That’s AppleBUCKER to you. And at least I never had to escape from-“ Rarity raised her front legs and made quotes with her hooves “a ‘just friends’ bdsm dungeon.”
“Hehehe yeah.” Giggled Lyra. “She liked it so much she had to escape from it that night too.”
Hard Candy’s face turned red. “NOT NOW LYRA!” She snapped.
“Agent Hard Candy, Dismissed.” Said Queen Celestia firmly from under her leg.
Hard Candy gave one last glare at Rarity and trotted back out the secret door with Lyra trailing behind her.
“Thank you, your majesty. She can be so ru-"
But Rarity was cut off by Celestia raising a hoof and sitting back up. "Someday I will find out why Agent Hard Candy and you are eternally at each other throats, but now is not the time for such things."
Rainbow shuffled on her hooves. “Do I have to be here for this? Rarity kinda interrupted my nap.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” said Celestia turning to Rainbow and Fluttershy. “Why did you and Fluttershy decide to become villains?”
“Oh, well, I was talking with Twilight and she made it sound pretty awesome. You got a cool lair and a bunch of minions and you get to fight super ponies or something. So I find a cave and ordered some stuff, but it was foam and needed to be put together then got bored and took a nap then Rarity woke me up an-”
Celestia held up a hoof. “Thank you Rainbow,” she turned to the other Pegasus. “Fluttershy?”
“Oh, umm.” Fluttershy gently pawed at the floor with her hoof. “Well, I didn’t really want to be a villain, but Angel bunny heard Twilight talking about something she called democracy.”
Queen Celestia’s ears perked up. “Democracy?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh yes, something about one pony one vote for the leader, it didn’t really make sense to me but Angel got really excited about it.”
“One pony one vote…” Celestia stroked her chin with a hoof. “Seems inefficient.”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by the door opening, in trotted Twilight Sparkle followed reluctantly by a down trodden looking AppleBucker.
Everypony was silent as the Applebucker stepped in front of her friends. “Umm, howdy.” She sheepishly rubbed one arm over the other as she continued. “I’m powerful sorry for all the trouble I caused as the Applebucker.” She looked to Rarity as wetness welled up in her eyes. “I’m ‘specially sorry for all the trouble I put ya through Rarity, I truly hope ya can find it in yer heart to forgive me.” The only sound in the room was muffled snickering.
It was a touching apology, by all rights everypony in the room should have been tearing up and everypony knew it. But the Applebucker’s hat completely ruined the mood. Instead of her usual Stetson, upon her head sat a colorful beanie, with the propeller at the top spinning wildly.
Queen Celestia managed to recover before anypony else. “So… Applejack, Twilight has told us you had some sort of tumor?”
“Oh, errm, well…” Applejack kept rubbing her leg, if she could look anymore sheepish she would have to be sheered. “Wasn’t really a tumor.” She paused then reached behind her. “It was more this.” And pulled out a misshapen but still recognizable orange.
Rarity leaned over to P. “Remind me to apologize to Applebloom, she really did go oranges.”
P couldn’t contain herself and rolled around on the floor laughing followed by Rainbow Dash while everypony else did their best to ignored them.
“An orange?” Stated the queen, as she sat with both hooves on the desk. “Bu… How?”
“I’m afraid I have no idea, your highness.”
20 year ago.
“Hey Bigmac, I betcha I can stick this orange seed further up mah nose than you.”
Back to the present.
Rarity managed to cover her giggling with a cough while Rainbow and P continued to roll around on the floor. “Applejack, may I call you that again?” She continued without waiting for a response since she knew the answer. “I accept your apology-“ it took all her strength and poise to keep from staring at the beanie that sat and buzzed on Applejack's head “but I’m afraid I have to ask…” she paused for a slight moment then continued. “Where in the world did you put your Stetson?”
Applejack bit her lip and shuffled uncomfortably. “I guess yer wondering about this-“ she tapped her hoof against the hat and glanced back at P who was still rolling around laughing. “Accordin’ to uhhh P, it’s a medical beanie. It’ll help fix up the hole right quick an’ won’t even leave a scar.”
Rarity blinked, Queen Celestia blinked, Twilight blinked, Rainbow and P kept laughing even harder, and Fluttershy looked awkward.
Queen Celestia cleared her throat. “Applejack, I feel that I should make you aware that every hospital has a unicorn on staff who has the duty of healing any damage caused by a surgery. No such, ah, device is needed for such a task.”
Applejack stood there in silence, the room seemed to quiet down, even the laughter seemed to silence. Mostly because it stopped. Rainbow Dash and P had both stood up and were watching her, with big stupid grins on their faces. Finally Applejack reached up and tore the beanie off of her head then reared up and smashed it against the floor. “DANG IT PINKIE!” She spun around and glared and the pink mare who still had a big grin on her face. “Why in tha’ world would ya tell me I needed to wear that stupid thing if I didn’t” She yelled while stomping towards P.
P held her ground while still grinning. “Because you were a big meanie pants who kept FOALNAPPING ME!”
Applejack’s eyes went wide and she stumbled back. “Oh mah gosh, yer right. I… I’m-“ suddenly her eyes bugged out “I’ve gotta go tell Appleboom how sorry I am.” She had barely finished her sentence before she barreled through her friends and out the door.
Rainbow Dash flew after her. “Wait for me, Applejack, it’s so boring here.”
P was the first to her hooves, she quickly helped Rarity up while Twilight recovered next to them. “Well, I’m glad that’s over” Said Rarity as she coiffed her mane.
Queen Celestia nodded. “I am as well.” She tapped her chin with her hoof. “Although it still does not explain why almost all of your friends suddenly decided to become criminal masterminds at roughly the same time." She turned. "Twilight, you seemed to be the first to choose this course of action. Would you have any idea as to the cause?”
“Oh, um, uhhh.” Twilight turned away bashfully. “You’re going to think this is silly, but I had a dream about you, well, kind of a lot of dreams actually.”
Queen Celestia raised her eyebrow. “Dreams?”
A light purple blush crept along Twilight’s cheeks. “Well, dreams about you being the-“ she dug her hoof against the floor “only pony for me.” She mumbled.
Rarity stepped up next to her. “Twilight, darling, when exactly did you say you were having these dreams?”
“I guess about 3 months ago.” Twilight gritted her teeth. “Ok, more like they started 2 months and 22 days ago.”
But Rarity wasn’t really listening to her anymore, she was looking up and tapping her chin. “That is rather particular…” her voice trailed off before she looked at the Queen. “You’re majesty, I believe I was having somewhat similar dreams about Applejack around the same time. Naturally I ignored them as P and I are quite the item.”
Celestia rolled her eyes.
Fluttershy stepped up next to Rarity. “That’s odd. I think I was having dreams about Rainbow Dash around the same time, but I thought they wanted me to help her become a super villain. I never would have let Angel talk me into foalnapping anypony if I didn’t have those dreams. I don’t think.”
“Wow, that’s so weird.” Pipped P. “Applejack was telling me she was having some kinda dreams about Rarity 2 months and 21 days ago also.
Rarity turned to P with a shocked expression. “And you only think to mention this now?” P shrugged. Rarity made a strangled annoyed noise then turned to the Queen. “Well obviously the pony behind this is skilled in dream magic, we must… Um, you’re majesty?”
Queen Celestia once again had her head laying on her desk covered by her front hooves. “Luna.” She groaned. After a long moment she raised her head and cried out. “LUNA! GET IN HERE!”
A deafening silence filled the room, it echoed just long enough for Rarity to start feeling uncomfortable. Suddenly the floor shook, the walls shook, the ceiling shook. With each shake a boom sounded, each time getting closer.
“Oh sweet fudging skies above.” Murmured Celestia just before the wall exploded.
“SISTER, WE HEARD THINE CRY! WHAT VEXES THEE? HAS ANOTHER DANGER SPAWNED?”
But Queen Celestia wasn’t listening, she was too busy looking at the wall that Luna had just smashed through.
After a moment Luna let her wings drop from their war stance. “Umm, siste-“
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” The cry of Celestia interrupted her. Before anypony could do anything, the Queen shot out of her chair, kicking it against the wall with a crash. She rushed to the new Luna shaped hole, tears streaming down her cheeks. “My favorite wall.” Her hoof stroked the sides of the hole lovingly.
Everypony shuffled awkwardly as the sounds of gentle sobbing filled the room. Eventually Rarity built up the fortitude to approach the Queen and comfort her. Well, she would have but just before she was going to, Luna spoke. “Oh please, sister. Tis simply a wall.” She waved her hoof. “Why must you fawn over it so?”
Celestia turned to her, tears flying off in an arc from the momentum of her action. “It wasn’t ‘just a wall.’ It was a perfect wall.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “You woke us for a reason. If you insist on your dramatics then we shall retire till tis time to raise the moon.”
Celestia reluctantly pulled herself away from her poor injured wall and marched back to her desk, glaring at Luna the whole time. “Well, before you so rudely crashed through my favorite wall. We had just been discussing dreams and a strange occurrence of my best agent and her friends seemingly dreaming of each other.” Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Might you be able to shed some light on this subject, sister.”
Luna stood, stupefied for a moment before realization shot through her like a bolt from the blue and her face lit up in pride. “Ahhh, yes, the dreams, we did indeed provide them. As instructed by the book.”
Luna Turned to Rarity. “Yes, the one provided to us by the princess of Love.”
Three months earlier.
Luna sat on a fluffy pillow in the middle of her room. A book lay in the crook between her front legs. “I can see why Twilight and my sister would be a good match, but I do not see why the white one and the apple one would become smitten with each other.” She said out loud to herself before turning the page. "I recall the white one was rather fussy and the apple one liked dirt, hmm."
“This makes even less sense, what in the world would cause the quiet one and the rainbow one to become smitten.” She held a hoof in the book where she was and looked at the cover again. There was a simple heart on the middle with golden lettering above which said ‘Cadence’s shipping journal: do not touch.’
For the second time in as many hours she wondered about the title, the term shipping had been new to her, although after reading a few pages it obviously meant romance and love. However, the ‘do not touch’ part heavily implied nopony should touch it aside from the writer. But the book had been so obviously left for her, sitting on the chair behind her bed, waiting for her when she had arrived at her room in the Crystal Empire.
She turned back to the page she had been on. “Well, in these modern times, far be it from me to second guess the Princess of love. If she believes these ponies should be together then I suppose all I can do is to help her plan come to fruition. After all, why would she have left it for me to find?”
Another three months earlier, in the Crystal Empire.
A unicorn stallion galloped through the halls of the Crystal Palace in a panic. Far behind him, but closing rapidly was a pink alicorn.
“SHINING ARMOR!” The alicorn screamed. “YOU GIVE ME BACK MY JOURNAL THIS INSTANT!”
Shining Armor raced past a sculpture and with a quick flick of his magic, threw it into the path of his enraged wife. “No! It was bad enough when it was just her friends.” Without missing a beat he leapt over a crystal pony who had chosen the exact wrong time to finish cleaning one of the entirely too many guest rooms the palace had. “But pairing my SISTER with Celestia is just too much!”
Behind him he heard the sound of his wife falling, to describe such a sound or why he knew what it sounded like could only slow the story down, so we shall ignore the quite frankly hilarious noise and focus more on the fact that Shining Amor quickly ducked into one of the guest rooms and when he emerged, he no longer had the book. He hadn't noticed how much more richly decorated the room was than the other guest rooms, or how the book rested just so on that chair. In fact, he wouldn't even remember which room it was. He had eventually been caught and after a long night which ended in passion, the book had been forgotten. At least till a royal visitor had visited a few days later.
