Glub
Fluttershy headed outside, breathing in the heady scents of the early morning. With fish flakes in tow, the pegasus beelined to the gently flowing stream circling the front portion of her cottage. Already she could see its occupants eagerly swimming up to greet her. As they gathered under her shadow she smiled, caught up in their enthusiasm for a meal in their near future. “Good morning, everyone,” Fluttershy greeted. “It’s a beautiful morning today… isn’t it, Rainbow Dash?” The last part of her speech was directed at the suspiciously low-lying cloud that hung not two feet away from her spot.
Rainbow was reclining on that cloud. Though the pegasus would usually anchor it to some point within fifteen feet of her starting position, she decided to let it drift. This, as it happened, was a big mistake. Several ponies had interrupted her nap time with painfully innocuous greetings.
“Mmph, mmm,” Rainbow grumbled, her voice muffled by a mouthful of cloud.
“Oh, uhm, sorry, Rainbow. I didn’t know you were sleeping,” Fluttershy mumbled. “I’ll get out of your mane.”
Fluttershy resumed caring for the fishes, her humming heavenly in comparison to the symphony of nature around her. Rainbow Dash sullenly reflected that her sleep had been broken too often for her to settle back down and she peered over the cloud to study her friend.
A sigh. “What’cha doin’, Flutters?”
“I’m just out feeding the animals, like I do every morning,” Fluttershy returned with a demure smile. “Is there something wrong?”
“Oh, nothing’s wrong.” With a look of exhaustion across her face, Rainbow turned her head over on the cloud, so that one ear was muffled against all but the soft, faint ambience only a cloud could possess. “Except that everypony’s been bothering me non-stop when I’m trying to get some sleep!”
Fluttershy blushed crimson. “S-Sorry!” she squeaked, but Rainbow waved a dismissive hoof.
“Oh, it’s not just you, Flutters.” Rainbow rubbed a hoof on the back of her head. “It’s mostly my fault for letting the cloud float around Ponyville.”
“Really?” Curiosity grabbed Fluttershy’s attention by the shirt-collar. Unusually for her– and unfortunately for the fish– she set the can of fish food down and fluttered up to Rainbow’s level. “What were they bothering you about?”
“Pinkie wanted to go out and prank someone, Rarity wanted to fit a dress on me…” She shuddered, then moved on. “Then I was outside Twilight’s castle and some magic thing hit me in the side!” Rainbow pouted and sat down on her cloud. “Then she had the nerve to ask me if I would stay behind so she could perform some tests!”
Fluttershy blinked. “Wow, uhm, that’s an interesting series of coincidences,” she commented, her wings flittered as she meekly settled on Rainbow’s cloud. “Are you sure you should have left like that? Twilight’s spells tend to be… uhm… unpredictable.”
Rainbow blinked at Fluttershy then burst into laughter. “Hahaha, no I feel fine.” She stretched her legs and cracked a few joints. “I feel fine. Ugh, there goes my mood for napping, need any help?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Are you sure?”
Rainbow snorted. “Of course I’m sure! I’m 100% sure. I’ve never been surer in my life.” She swooped down to the river. “You just need to feed these fishes, right?”
Fluttershy nodded, following Rainbow with timid wing flaps. “Yes, just a small amount.” She giggled. “You can get them to feed out of your hoof, if you want.”
“Really?” Rainbow replied in a rare show of enthusiasm. “Let me have a go!”
Scooping up some fish food, Rainbow held out her hoof under the water. Instantly, fish gathered around her hoof.
“Awesome!” Rainbow breathed.
Then something went horribly, horribly wrong.
First, one of the fishes, apparently out of desperate starvation, actually jumped out of the water and was flopping on the ground.
“Oh my!” Fluttershy dropped down to her aquatic comrade. “Mr. Trout, are you okay!?”
“Mr. Trout? Don’t be ridiculous,” said the fish. Instantly, it stood up on its fins, then morphed into a being all too familiar with Fluttershy– Discord.
“What’s the matter, my dear Fluttershy?” Discord was right in her face– standing at only half a foot tall on her snout. “Did I blow you out of the water?”
“Whaddaya want, Discord?” said Rainbow Dash. Her cross look reflected her internal annoyance.
“Just came by to pay Flutters here a surprise visit, that’s all.” Now Discord was sticking out of Rainbow’s ear. “And what are you doing here, Rainbow Dash? Aren’t you supposed to take care of the weather?”
“Nope, not today.” Rainbow shook Discord out of her ear. “I have the day off.”
“Oh, that’s excellent! . . That’s very excellent indeed. . . .” Discord rubbed his lion’s-paw and his eagle’s-talon together. “Because while I was in that pond there, I noticed how dirty it was down there.”
“Really?” Fluttershy looked startled. “I clean it out every other week! It was cleaned just two days ago, what happened?”
“I don’t know, Flutters,” replied the draconequus. He then approached the other pegasus. “But I think I know somepony who can find out.”
Rainbow Dash took a few steps back, her eyes wide open. “Discord, you’re not really thinking. . . !”
“I am.”
He snapped his talons, and Rainbow could feel her legs buckle.
Then disappear.
What was left was a cyan-colored trout with rainbow fins, flopping on the ground. “Now go on, Rainbow, we have a mystery to solve,” he said. At some point he had donned an outfit resembling Fetlock Holmes.
It was hard to tell, considering the lack of facial muscles required for this, but Rainbow Dash was furious. She was angry. She wanted to scream so bad. She worked up the courage to voice her objections loud enough for Almighty-Larson to hear. Her gills sucked in the required oxygen. She opened her mouth.
“Glub.”
Discord cackled, his eyes dancing with mirth.
“Oh you should see your expression, it’s priceless!”
Rainbow flopped around on the grass, until Fluttershy gently picked up her friend and dipped her in the water. Rainbow blew a few bubbles and found that although her limbs were mainly foreign to her, she could still move them. She experimentally flicked at the water and sank a few inches. Crying out in fish, she belatedly realised that she wouldn’t drown… because she was a fish.
Discord laughed all the more harder when he heard Rainbow’s panicked ‘glubs’.
“Oh, I can’t do this, I’m crying, Ohohoho!”
Fluttershy was not so easily impressed.
“Discord that was very mean of you, you should turn Rainbow back.”
The draconequus sighed and raised his paw. Then he cocked his head as if a sudden thought struck him.
“Or. . . .” he said. “This is a golden opportunity! Don’t you want to see things from the fish’s perspective?”
Fluttershy glanced around and murmured something.
Discord put a claw over his ear and leaned in closer.
“I can’t hear you!”
“N-No,” she mumbled, but her backward glance seemed to betray envy.
Discord had a look of pity in his eyes. “D’aww, Fluttershy, are you sure you don’t want to visit your fishy friends personally?”
“No, I’m quite content, thank you.” Fluttershy put a bit of distance between her and Discord.
“Glub,” said Rainbow Dash.
“In fact, could you turn Rainbow Dash back?” Fluttershy pointed at the stream. “She doesn’t like being a trout.” It was more of a guess, you know, since Rainbow couldn’t talk.
“A trout?” Discord’s eye turned into a periscope and dove underwater. It widened when he saw that Fluttershy was right, and snapped back into his socket like a rubber band. “Well, look at that! She’s a rainbow trout!” The draconequus could hardly contain his laughter– he was rolling on the ground, howling like a jackal– so much so, he was shape-shifting between a steamroller and a jackal, with some interesting combinations in between.
“Discord, that’s not funny!” objected Fluttershy. “You turn Rainbow Dash back this instant, or else!”
“Glub!” agreed Rainbow Dash.
“I can’t, even if I wanted to,” said Discord. He pulled out a typewritten manuscript. “The writers of this story said that I have to do this. She’ll have to follow through with the story if she wants to go back to a pegasus.”
A stream of bubbles flowed steadily through Rainbow’s mouth. The moment they broke the surface, they resonated with something that sounded suspiciously like “Darn it, fourth wall!!!”
Rainbow Dash swam down the stream towards the pond. “Uh, Rainbow?” interrupted the draconequus. “Other way.”
Another stream of bubbles– this time they were a sigh.
“Don’t worry, Rainbow.” Fluttershy dipped her head close to the water’s surface. “Trout can swim upstream.”
Rainbow might have said something similar to “That’s not the point”, but the effort was lost in translation. Taking Fluttershy’s advice, Rainbow Dash turned around and with a great push of force, started her journey upstream. Bit by bit, inch by inch, she made her way into the stream towards the other pond.
“Glub.”
Rainbow knew not of what she said– nor did she bother to care. All there was was a seemingly infinitely-long stream between her and the opposing pond– and the current was pushing her back to the starting position, no matter where she bothered to stop.
“Glub.”
She remained resolute, and pushed with all her might. The result of that last push startled even Discord. Discord, the God of Chaos. Discord, the Spirit of Disharmony. Discord, the Bringer of Nonsense. And even he was taken aback by. . .
An underwater Sonic Rainboom.
The resultant splash of water hit Discord full in the face. The draconequus spluttered and spat, water streaming out of his soaked fur. He glared at the smug trout. Well, as much as a trout could be smug flopping around on the river bed. Maybe displacing all that water hadn’t been a good idea?
“Ehh. . . .” Discord wrung himself out literally like a towel. “Might as well save some time.” With a snap of his talons, he teleported Rainbow Dash towards her destination.
“Glub,” Rainbow grumbled. Both from catapulting herself out of the water, and from the sudden murkiness of the second pond. She looked around for the source of a probable cause.
Was it this underwater plant? No. How about under this stone? Nope. Or this nook? Nuh-uh. What about this cranny? Nie. Or maybe. . . ?
Aha!
Rainbow noticed something resting on the pond-bed. It was grey, and long—slightly longer than Rainbow’s trout body—with eight whisker-like tendrils poking from its mouth. It was lying on its side, on the muddy bottom of the pond.
Dead.
“Glub, glublubub?” she gurgled. “Glu-blub glu-glub gu-blublub.” It came out as a nigh-steady stream of air bubbles. Once these broke the surface, it was heard clearly as “Uh, Fluttershy? I think I see the problem.” Rainbow then proceeded to nudge the corpse closer to the surface, so Fluttershy could see—what with the overabundance of algae in the pond.
Fluttershy took one look at it and gasped. “Mr. Catfish!?” Tears welled up. Then she sighed. “Well, he’d lived a long time.”
“Glub glub?” asked Rainbow. She couldn’t quite say “Now what?”, that was the closest possible approximation as a trout.
“Perhaps I’ll have another use for him.” She picked him up, out of the water. “The other animals would like to have him. I’m sure he’d understand.” She sighed again. “He did such a good job keeping the pond clean, too. . . .”
“Yes he did, Fluttershy.” A yellow talon rested itself on Fluttershy’s back. “Perhaps I can find you a new catfish sometime?”
“No. . . it’s okay.” Fluttershy walked back inside her cottage, intent on freezing the late Mr. Catfish. “I have other catfish in other ponds.”
“Glub—glubub!?” objected Rainbow Dash, which meant something along the lines of “Uh—hello!?”
“Oh, right.” One snap of the talons later, Rainbow Dash was back on land, coughing and gasping as she tried to readjust to life out of the water. The jarring transition didn’t exactly help, either.
Fluttershy came back outside. “Um, Rainbow? Can I ask you a really big favor?”
“What?”
Fluttershy picked up her feed. “When I’m done feeding the animals, could you help me with cleaning out the pond?”
“No.” The reply was immediate, and resolute.
“C’mon, Rainbow Dash,” encouraged Discord. “You can be a trout again if you want!”
Then Fluttershy gave her the Stare. Not the intimidating stare for wayward animals and recalcitrant foals, but rather the Stare of Friendship, built from years of effective guilt-tripping and subtle experiments with local wildlife. Friendship does have benefits!
“Please, Rainbow?”
Rainbow glanced between the pleading gaze of her friend, to the gleeful expression of her antagonistic pseudo-friend. Discord waggled his eyebrows. “Well Rainbow, you’re practically a veteran, not a fish out of water anymore!”
If looks could gill, Discord would be sleeping with the fishes long ago. Fluttershy had an expression that looked like she was thinking, this scampi happening. Discord raised an eyebrow as he floundered for words.
“Well if you want to be fishy, let minnow!” he said.
Fluttershy giggled. “Now you’re doing this on porpoise.”
Rainbow sighed, then she smiled koily. “Reel good, but you cod have done batter.”
fin