Dante, Tyler, Uncle Andy, Mema, Alyssa, Whoever the heck is reading this;
We are not dead.
I don't know what you guys have been thinking for the last month but me and Kyler are NOT DEAD.
We are alive and perfectly healthy in a place that, frankly, would take a whole textbook to explain but I'm sure you've seen it on the news by the time you're reading this. So I'm just going to put this rather bluntly, we are where that jet came from.
Sadly, We can't get home like them two did. The two of them were a freak chance even if we could do it again... Let's just say that we can't return due to biological reasons and that the locals here are working their tails off to help us.
This next bit is for Dante and Alyssa, so please if you aren't them and you're reading this, please let them read this.
I'm sorry. I can only imagine what the two of you have been feeling, thinking that you lost Kyler. You two should never have had to deal with that again after Anna.
I know that this letter will more than likely reopen the wound and'll make your hearts mourn more, but don't regret. Kyler is happy and well here and he misses his Papi and momma as much, or possibly more, than I do. He's been a strong boy, far stronger than me in some circumstances; you guys would be proud of him.
I swear on our mother's grave that I will keep him safe. He is all the family that I have here and you know how much I care for family. You have my word as your brother that nothing will happen to him.
Aside from my own letter, Kyler has written one for y'all too. I will admit, his penmanship is surprisingly good considering present circumstances, though it is still as mediocre as you'd expect from a seven year old. Though I'm sure you guys will be able to read it.
Sadly, I must draw this letter to a close. There is so much that I want to tell you guys but I simply can't fit it in a single envelope. I'd need a shoe box or something bigger like a suitcase but there isn't room in the jet for that.
However, you guys may have noticed the photo…
That is us. I know how insane it may seem but that is me and Kyler. That is 100% authentic and is in no way, shape, or form, a forgery. He is standing on my back; that photo was taken a week after we arrived here. Don't mind the sour look though; I had a lot on my mind at the time.
As much as you may want to, keep the photo to yourselves. It would probably be best in the long run if you don't post it on Facebook or whatever is currently trendy back home.
I don't know how to end this so I'll just say this. I miss y'all and Kyler misses ya'll. Please don't forget about us for we haven't forgotten about you.
Christophe
I read over my letter I don't know how many times, scanning over every detail. The handwriting still looked like mine, if only a bit bigger; I don't want them to think that someone has decided to play a sick joke on them. The bits I had scratched out were utterly unreadable; telling them we couldn't breath oxygen was... a bit extreme so I decided to
leave that bit vague. Best for them to still have some hope that we could return.
There was so much that I wanted to tell them about: about Equestria, the Club, the nice folks I've met here; and countless more things. But I had to keep my letter brief; only what they needed to know. There was only so much room on the jet to go around. So keeping my stuff down to only a envelope seemed like the most logical course.
Even then, there was no hundred percent chance that this crazy stunt Cog and the folks down at The Barn would pull is even going to work. For one, Alexis might hear about this from someone and descend on the not so old geezer with the fury of a thousand angry Brits. Hell, the damn jet may not even be able to get up to supersonic speeds; Equestrian physics is already enough to make my head hurt, so who's to say it won't decide to throw us yet another middle finger. And even if Tony and Louis are able to get it to break the sound barrier and they are able to punch a hole back home, what's to say it'll even survive the journey back to Earth; it may come out somewhere over the Pacific or the Sahara or North Korea; then all our letters, the only chance we've even had of sending anything back to our friends and family to let them know we're okay would be gone.
I sighed, rubbing my eyes; damn it Chris, don't think like that! Negative Nancies get nowhere in life and you promised Kyler you'd try to stay positive after the last 'incident'. You gotta keep a stiff upper lip if only for him.
With another sigh, I folded my letter back up and quietly stuffed it in the envelope before putting in Kylers' as well. I would have opened it up and read it over but I had been there when he was writing it so I knew what he had written. He has a bit of a tendency to read aloud what he writes so I didn't even have to attempt to read over his shoulder or anything.
With both letters in the envelope, that only left the photo. I picked it up and just looked at it, the memories of those early days rushing back. It looked like an old Polaroid from one of Mema's old photo albums. I would have mistaken the picture for just some random one that got plucked from Earth if it wasn't for the occupants. Kyler stood on my back, his forelegs on my head as he beamed at the camera with the most cheekiest of little kid grins. I couldn't help but crack a smile at my own somewhat grumpy expression; I was not a happy camper for those first few weeks. Thankfully, that side of me had decided to withdraw after awhile due to Kyler and my new friends here.
I slipped the photo inside before quickly licking the thing and turning it over. Checking the address I'd written on the front to make sure I didn't screw it up, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Everything was ready to go; tomorrow, I'd fly down to The Barn and hand the thing over to the proper pony.
*DUN DA DA DUN DUN*
Well, Kyler’s back from wherever the heck he went with his friends. I gave the appropriate response knock on my desk, "come on in man." It was his idea that we have a secret knock despite the fact that literally every human here ought to know Shave and a Haircut.
The door behind me creaked open and I heard the clip-clopping of his hooves as he trotted inside before the door shut. "Hey, how's your day been with your friends?" I said, trying to put on a happier tone as my thoughts refused to leave what I'd written on the letter.
"You've been thinking about home again, haven't you Unk?"
Damn it, that kid can read me like an open book from just my voice too!? That kid is too smart to be just seven, or I'm just really damn easy to read... probably both. I nodded; turning about to face him, "yeah, I have; just finished writing my letter for them."
He gave me an understanding nod, "Unk, if you need somepony to talk to I'm here for you, your amigos are here for you. Heck, even old grumpy guss Ms. Alexis is here for you too."
"I know, I know; it's just that writing that reopened some old memories.”
I looked at myself in the mirror with a smug as hell grin. Damn, I clean up good when I want to. My hair was combed back and whiskers were shaved off, nice black collared short-sleeve shirt, and a nice clean pair blue jeans. I won't lie; I'd do me. I just need t-
"Unk! The shows back on!"
-to take Kyler home and head off to the job interview. But screw that, it's time for ponies!
With a giggle that made my man card grow a uterus, I quickly made my way out of the bathroom and plopped down on the couch next to my nephew just as that damnable intro began.
Ponies had always been a pleasure of mine for sometime now. I don't know why but I fell in love with the show after just one episode and hadn't looked back since. I didn't flaunt it about with a holier than thou attitude; that would be asking for trouble from Dante. I already got teased enough by him for liking a girls show and didn't need to add more fuel to the fire.
I was more than surprise when I accidentally made a brony out of Kyler a few months back. All it took was showing him discord and he was hooked in, I hate myself for even using this clichè analogy, ten seconds flat.
I never would have expected a seven year old boy to like anything even remotely considered girly. I know I sure as hell didn't when I was his age; all we had was public TV so it was Cyberchase and Arthur for me. But none the less, he stuck to the show like a fly to honey and we both watched it whenever I had to babysit him.
I couldn't help but snicker as I watched his jaw hit the floor as the credits started rolling. The episode that The Hub (I refuse to call it by the other name) decided to air was Cutie Markless and this was his first time seeing it.
I couldn't help but laugh a bit a his various reactions to the Equalists and their Orwellian mess of a town. He looked at me like I was mad as I sang along with In Our Town with a smile on my face, the disturbed look as he saw the smiles for the first time, and the utter shock as the mane six got demarked. Oh, to be young and not understand the bigger references that the commie horses made.
He looked over at me and I nodded before he had the chance to say a thing. "Yeah, I know..."
Before he could could respond, I got to my feet and popped my back, "come on Kyler, get your shoes on; we gotta go." Sadly, pony time was over and I had forty five minutes till I needed to get to that interview and I still had to drop Kyler off at my brother’s apartment; which was about twenty minutes away and on the opposite side of town.
That knocked him out of his shock and he looked up at me like I just kicked a puppy. "What!? This was only part one! What about part two!? I gotta know!!"
"We can always watch it later."
"But... But... It's on right now!"
"I gotta take you home and get to my interview. If we watch it, I'll only have fifteen minutes to do that and that is nowhere enough time for both."
"But... Ponies!"
Damn, that was a good argument. There was always time for pon- No, real life comes before fun.
I shook my head, picking up the remote and turning off the TV much to Kyler's dismay. "Good argument mi sobrino, but no dice."
Kyler glared at me up at me, his mouth open as he attempted to come up with a comeback. Snickering, I patted him on the head as I made my way to the door, "come on Kyler, the car is this way."
Kyler got his revenge the moment we got on the road. He insisted that I buy him a coke because I was the, as he said, 'fun uncle' , and that's apparently what fun uncles do for their nephews.
I shot that down in a second; I had just paid the rent on my apartment and i needed the money for gas and groceries. But little kids don't understand those concepts just yet do they?
However, Kyler stuck to his gun and pulled his one trump card: the MLP theme song.
I utterly loathe that accursed tune, have since I first watched show. Everytime it comes on, the TV gets muted and the volume gets turned to zero just to be safe. I love the show but that damn song was just too damn... Kiddish for my tastes.
"My little pony, my little pony... Ahh ahh ahh..."
I was white knuckling the steering wheel.
"My little pony I used to wonder what friendship could be..."
Check off grinding my teeth.
"... till you all shared its magic with me..."
Hmm, I could just drive into that lamppost and shut him up right now?
"... Big adventure, tons of fun..."
No, I like my car too much... And Dante would kill me.
"...A beautiful heart, faithful and strong...
Plus I could kill myself too.
"...Sharing kindness, it's an easy feat..."
And I'm too fon- Aww screw it, he wins this round.
"Fine!" I practically screamed, "I'll buy you a damn coke! Just stop singing that heretical song!!!"
My screaming caused him to jump a little in surprise and he gave me a shit eating grin, "I knew I could make you see reason Unk."
Oh, how I hated my family sometimes.
I quickly pulled into the first gas station that we came across and parked up alongside the building.
Turning off the engine, I hopped out of my truck and looked back at Kyler as I slammed the door shut. The kid was still just sitting there in the cabin; hadn't even undone his seatbelt. "Well you coming?" I raised an eyebrow.
He shook his head, "you're only gunna be in there for a minute. Oh, and make it a one liter too!"
"Oh yes, how about I buy you a twelve pack of cans too?" I replied flatly, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Or maybe you should get me a monster instead?" He said with a cheeky grin.
"We both know your mom would kill us if I brought you home like that."
The two of us had a little chuckle at that before I turned about and made my way towards the door of the gas station.
Once inside, I made a beeline towards the cokes in the back and made quickly scanned the shelves till I found that familiar red and white label. Ehh screw it, I'll get me one too; I grabbed a pair of one liters instead of one.
Hurrying up to the counter, I quickly paid for the drinks and made my way back outside. Twisting the top off my own coke, I took a swig from the drink as I rounded the corner of the building, if he asks I'll just say I was thirsty and leave it at th-
He's gone!
My stomach dropped as I saw my no nephew-less truck. Where the hell was Kyler!?! I bolted the last few feet and looked inside the cabin; he wasn't in the floorboards and the passenger door was cracked open. Okay, so he got out but where the hell is he?
"You better not be pulling some joke," I looked about nervously, hoping to spot him laughing his butt at his own joke, "I bought you your damn coke as I said I would..."
After a few seconds, he still hadn't appeared and dread started to show it's ugly head. Dear god, Dante is gunna flay me alive if anything happened to him! Where the hell is he; where the hell is that little bugger? What if somebody took him? Then Dante and Alyssa are gunna hate my guts for losing their boy! I'm so de-
What the heck is that? My impromptu panic attack was brought to an end as I noticed something shiny on the pavement by Kyler's open door. What? I'm ADD; don't judge me.
Leaning down, I realized said shiny thing was a coin and it certainly was not a quarter. The thing was gold and about the size of one of those fifty cent coins. I picked it up and looked at it closer; this only caused more confusion.
The front side certainly didn't match any pocket change I'd ever seen: No presidents, no Queen Elizabeth, no Mexican or double headed Russian eagle. Instead, the coin had what looked like a stylized bird on it and what looked like some Latin on it. I swear I've seen that bird before but where?
Turning it about only raised more questions; on the back was a giant 1 with olive branches and the word bit right next to the one.
Okay, this has to be some sic-
Big Macintosh made his way down the rows of apple trees in the western orchard, a cart loaded with baskets full of plump juicy apples attached to him. The stoic expression on his face hid a mind deep in thought.
Since all them humans started popping up left and right, we've had no shortage of potential workers. They've been falling over each other left and right just to buy some apples, let alone ta get a steady incom-.
"FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!",
Big Mac's gaze shifted skyward just in time for the farm pony to see something crash into the trees up ahead a decent distance. Probably just another human tryin' some tricks and failin'. Might as well go see if they didn't hurt themselves or somethin'
With that, he started making his way towards the crash. As he drew closer, he started hearing voices; both were indistinct but he could make out two different ones. One sounded like a little colt and the other sounded more like an adult. Maybe one of the humans was tryin' ta show off for a little one?
His gaze turned to the ground as he continued to trudge alo-
"IS THAT BIG MAC!"
He looked up and mentally groaned at what he saw. In front of him was a young pegasus colt, his coat was a dull grey and his mane a deep blue. Next to him was a dark colored griffin and both were looking straight at him. But that is not what annoyed the stoic farmer; both of them were in ill fitting clothes.
Human clothes to be more precise.
Ah consarn it! Another lot of 'em! Big Mac thought to himself as he stared back at the two, outwardly as stoic as ever, the stalk of straw he chewed on shifting from one side of his mouth to the other. The griffin gaped at him, beak slack, the colt grinning broadly. "Enope." Time to get Miss Twilight.