Captain's log, stardate 5576.3. A large planet has been found in the outer fringe of our galaxy. Nothing like it has ever been seen before. Starfleet Command has sent the Enterprise to investigate as we're the only vessel in the vicinity of the planet. Our present position is in the constellation Pegasus, which contains alpheratz, the most remote star in the entire galaxy. Basic sensor readings show the planet to be a class M planet with a median surface temperature similar to that of the Midwest in summer, or approximately 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Planetary inhabitants have not been studied yet due to galactic disturbances near the planet. Stand by for more word on the matter.
Kirk sits in the captain's chair and looks at the planet steadily approaching on the glass viewscreen. Once the Enterprise get within orbital range of the planet, Kirk says,
"Mr. Sulu, standard orbit. One-quarter impulse."
"Aye-aye, captain." Sulu replies.
Kirk then gestures to Spock and McCoy.
"You two. Meet me in the deck one conference room. ASAP"
5 minutes later, Kirk walks into the deck one conference room and says,
"Computer, activate hologram of planet."
A green holographic image of the planet appears on the table as Kirk says,
"Starfleet command has dubbed this planet Exeter for one of our ships lost in our failed attempt to rescue Vulcan. The Klingons have attempted to integrate this planet into their society for some time now and Starfleet has told us to expect them down on this planet."
Then, the lights dim and come back on.
Kirk pushes the ICS (intercommunication system) button on his side of the table and says,
"Kirk to engineering, what's happened to my ship, Scotty?"
"Sir?" Scotty replies.
"The lights just dimmed and returned to normal, Scotty. What happened to my ship?"
"Well," over the speaker, Scotty can be heard tapping on a screen and he continues by saying," Sir, best I can reckon, it was some type of directed energy burst from the planet's surface. The computer says we're running on fumes from the reserve power just to stay in orbit, sir."
"Can you get her back up to full power, Scotty?"
"I'll try but, I cannae guarantee anything until I can get a good grip on what caused it. Until I do that, I would suggest not using very much power, sir."
"Noted. Meet me on the bridge."
"Aye-aye, sir."
A whistle sounded from the viewscreen on the table and Spock turned it on.
"Captain, sensors have detected a wery large hydrogen-dioxide particle beam en route to zhe ship." Ensign Pavel Chekhov said.
"Origin of the particle beam?" Kirk said.
"Origin is on the planet's surface. Location is wery close to what sensors say is zhe capitol city."
"Go to red alert. Shields up, evasive maneuvers."
"Ve have six percent power, Sir. With zhat much power, we'll olny be able to sustain maximum shields for a total of 2 seconds."
"Alright, Chekhov. ETA (estimated time of arrival) to impact?"
"68 second, sir. Give or take 12 seconds."
"Thank you, Chekhov."
"You are wery welcome, captain."
The transmission shuts off as Kirk says to McCoy,
"Bones, get to the Med Bay."
Then he turns to Spock.
"Let's get to the bridge."
Kirk, Spock and Scotty get to the bridge as Kirk says to the bridge crew,
"This is the frigging Klingons, I'm telling you! There can be no other explanation"
Just then, Kirk finally sees the particle beam coming twoards the Enterprise. This thing is huge. It's approximately one-half a mile wide and extends from the planets surface to about 20,000 miles from the Enterprise. It's still creeping steadily closer. Kirk sits in the captain's chair and says,
"Mr. Sulu? Can we get out of the way of this anomaly?" He says.
"Yes-sir, I believe we can." Sulu replies.
He taps some commands into the console and then, the power shuts off, leaving the only light being that radiating from the particle beam to show what's going on.
"Sulu?!?" Kirk says, frantically.
The beam is almost at the Enterprise.
"SULU! DO SOMETHING!"
"I... I can't do anything, sir. Shields, thrusters, warp, impulse, weapons... life support systems... everything is inoperable." Sulu replies.
Kirk turns to Scotty and says,
"Scotty, use the stairwells. Get to the warp core and get that thing working before we crash.
"Aye-aye, captain." Scotty replies as he rushes frantically off of the bridge.
Just then, the particle beam envelopes the Enterprise and pulls it into the mercy of the planet's gravity. For about 2 minutes, the beam pulls the Enterprise with it and it disappears, leaving the Enterprise to deal with the effects of the entry of the planet's atmosphere.
"Sir, if we don't get power on to the shields, we'll be incinerated on reentry." Sulu says.
Under his breath, Kirk mumbled,
"Scotty, you'd better be there."
Meanwhile, down at the warp core, Scotty was working frantically to breathe new life into the dead warp core. He was putting core wires into places he didn't even know the warp core had. 2A goes into 2B slot. Red wire cut and spliced with the blue wire. Then after all that, there were two wires that needed connecting. He grabbed the wires, prayed to whomever would listen and slammed the warp core wires together. A roar from the darkest reaches of Hell screamed from the tattered warp core and powered up the Impulse engines. Back on the bridge, power returned and Kirk says,
"Mr. Sulu! 45 degree angle of attack! 100% impulse, NOW!!!!"
The Enterprise's shields get refreshed and put up. Then, Sulu tilts the Enterprise 45 degrees backward and hits full throttle on the impulse engines. Up on the viewscreen, a warning appears. It reads, 'COLLISION IMMINENT!!!!' The Enterprise begins its arc toward the sky and it barely misses the capitol city. It must have been a sight to see. The bottom of the secondary hull missed the highest roof by 12 meters. They cleared the city and then the power systems fail again. The Enterprise is sent shooting to the ground and it impacts and skids to a stop, without breaking apart, and destroys 20 apple trees and half a barn. The heat from the metal hull sets the rest of the barn ablaze. Kirk awakens 2 minutes later to an orange horse carrying him down the primary hull.
"Wha... Who are you?" He said.
"I'm Applejack. I'm taking you down where I took the rest of the crew." She said.
"Was that your barn?" Kirk says as the barn comes into view.
"Yep, that was mine! Good ol' Sweet Apple Acres."
"Can you take us to your leader?"
"Sure, but, her name's Princess Celestia."
So, sitting in a cart with Spock, McCoy, and Chekhov, looking back at the Enterprise on a hill overlooking the small village of Ponyville, Kirk thought to himself,
When, if ever, are we going to get home? Also, where are the Klingons who shot us down?
Riding through the streets of the capitol city, Kirk saw all the things that made this place what it was. They had sweet shops, spas, saunas, bath houses, soda shops, markets, hotels, and the occasional pawn shop. All the inhabitants were ponies or some other creature from Greek or Roman mythology. Kirk saw unicorns, pegasi, minotaurs, and a few dragons. Then, he saw the castle. This thing was massive. The grandest thing was that the roof was covered in a layer of 24Kt gold leaf and obsidian.
"So, what's the name of the town we're in right now, Applejack?" He said.
"Right now, we're in Canterlot, capitol city of the Equestrian empire." She said.
Applejack stopped the cart in the parking lot outside the Canterlot Castle and walked the 4 Starfleet officers into the throne room. Inside Princess Celestia was talking to a man in what looked to be Klingon armor. Kirk waits till they are done and then asks the man who he is. The man turns around and Kirk instantly recognizes him.
"Ah. Captain Kirk!" He said. "I see you decided to show."
"Captain Koloth? What are you doing here?" Kirk said to him.
"Same thing as you. Trying to get this planet to join our society, Captain Kirk."
"Well, they're not going to."
Celestia looked at Kirk and replied to his comment with a simple,
"What makes you say that? By what Koloth is saying, the Klingon empire sounds like a really good idea. But, I will allow you to explain your side to try and get me to join the... uhh..."
"Federation, Ma'am."
"Well-mannered. I respect that."
Koloth scoffed, believing she didn't want Kirk at all.
"Alright. For one, we speak the same language." Kirk said.
"Yeah, so does the Klingon empire." Celestia replied.
"Well, we also write in the same language."
Celestia nodded, then, she told Kirk,
"Well, the Klingons didn't crash their starship on our planet."
Kirk started to say something but, Spock ushered him to stop because he couldn't say anything in persuasive form.
"The Klingons are a warlike race thriving on the conquest of other races. One of their main targets is the Federation. We, the Federation, strive to help other civilizations prosper their societies to mature and grow to help them better protect themselves. The Federation's worthiness cannot be underestimated, Princess." Spock continued.
"What's your name, elf?" Celestia asked.
"Elf? Hardly, Princess. I am a Vulcan. My name is Spock."
"Alright, Spock. I am trying to find my mother. I like your captain, he seems...nice so, I will give you a quest. If you can find out where my mother went to, I will consider joining the Federation. As of right now, my loyalty falls with the Klingons."
Kirk, Spock and McCoy, and Chekhov walked out of the throne room and back into the harsh sunlight. They caught the last train back to Ponyville and walked to the crash site of the Enterprise. No hope of getting this planet to join the Federation. No hope of at least getting off this planet. That's when Uhura gave the crew hope. She runs up to Kirk and says,
"Sir! I powered up the console just long enough to get this transmission."
"Well, what does it say?" Kirk replied.
"Starfleet command has lost the transmission beacon from the U.S.S. Enterprise. We have sent out the U.S.S. Endurance-Miranda class starship to her last known position. Will be advising Endurance to use caution due to possibility of Klingons in that area."
Kirk turned to Chekhov and said,
"Chekhov, where on this ship could we find Celestia's mother's location?"
"Sir, might I suggest looking in the library archives on deck 12." Spock said.
" Good idea, Spock." Kirk said.
So, while walking through the wreckage of their beloved starship, Kirk got the idea and said,
"You know, Spock. I think the only reason the Enterprise didn't break apart upon hitting the ground was because the shields were still up, thanks to Scotty, that is. Best of all, we didn't lose any crew."
"I believe you are correct in saying that, Captain. Also, may I say that upon hitting the ground, the ship is equipped with a software to barricade the doors to the library archives to prevent damage to the books. We will have to find some way to override the lock without power to that portion of the ship."
"Thanks, Spock."
So, when they got to the library archives, they got a crowbar from the toolbox on the wall near them and pried the door open. Inside, hills of books were scattered over the floor and some of the bookshelves were toppled over, spilling their contents on more mounds on the floor.
"Well, this is embarrassing." McCoy says.
"How so, Bones?" Kirk replies.
"Well, the ship is rather untidy, Jim."
"Well," Kirk said as he went wading into the sea of books. "At least they're in hills and not in mountains."
"I like to see you still have your sense of humor. I'll go search in the medical wing."
"Good. Spock, science wing. I'll go for the history wing. Chekhov...children's wing."
So, the four of them went to their respective wings and searched. After about three hours, the sunlight had started to fade and nobody had found anything until Chekhov picked up a rather large book with an old, tattered dust jacket. He pulled off the dust jacket and saw the title, it read,
"Greatest 2000's era TV shows you might want to watch"
He opened it, read a few pages and yelled,
"Captain! I have found something!!!!!!!!"
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy ran to where Chekhov was and saw the page he had opened the book to. It was a TV show for girls made in 2010 called "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic."
"By whom was it created?" Spock asked earnestly.
"Vell, it says here zhat zhe creator was a woman known as Lauren Faust. Her original character, aptly named the 'Fausticorn' vas referred to by the ones zhey called 'Bronies' as..." Chekhov gasped.
"What? What is it?!?" Kirk asked, exasperated.
"Zhe bronies called her OC, 'Celestia's Mother.'" Chekhov continued.
"Bones, is Lauren still alive?" Kirk asked.
"Well," Bones looked at the bookshelf beside him and picked out a book entitled, 'TV show creators you might not know.' "Says here in this book that she was born in 1974. She can't be alive now, but, a woman by the name of Lauren was found in Los Angeles after 215 years just 2 stardates ago."
"Was her last name Faust?"
"She said it was... but... it can't be."
"Well, Canterlot castle is closed for tonight so, we'll tell Celestia the news first thing tomorrow morning."
So, the next morning, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy brought the book to the Canterlot castle and got to the throne room just as the tip of Celestia's pen hit the papers she needed to become part of the Klingon Empire.
"STOP! WE HAVE THE LOCATION OF YOUR MOTHER!!!" Kirk yelled which echoed for about 2 minutes in the dead silence which followed. Kirk's footsteps thundered as he ran up beside Captain Koloth and said,
"We know where she is."
"Well," Celestia said impatiently. "Where is she?"
"She's on Earth."
"That's your planet, right?"
"Right."
"Is she safe?"
"Yes."
Celestia continued by picking up the paper with her magic, showed it to Captain Koloth and said,
"You see this? This... little... agreement we had?"
Koloth's chin dropped as she ripped the pile of papers in half.
"Leave my planet, now." She continued.
Once Koloth had been beamed up to his ship, Celestia walked around her desk and hugged Kirk, who was almost terrified. But, he calmed down when she let go.
"I'm glad we could come together for once. There is an old Equestrian legend that states that beings on two legs would fall from the sky and defeat the greatest danger Equestria had ever faced. I find hope in your Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy, Kirk."
"Why?" Kirk asked.
"Because the legend stated that the leader, the one who helps us the most, is in a blue shirt."
"Continue, Princess."
"The Klingons were nice sounding people but, they wanted too much. I believe the Federation would have more to offer than things they require. Now, what does the Federation require?"
"Loyalty. Only loyalty."
"That is what you will get, too. Let us walk, Kirk. To my balcony."
So, they walked to the balcony and saw a fireball in the early morning sky. When the fire died down, Celestia looked at the gray mass with her telescope.
"It looks like magic markings." She stated.
"Like what?" Kirk replied.
"Like it's been shot with magic."
"Oh."
Celestia took her eye off the telescope and said,
"It looks like my sister, Nightmare Moon's, work. I have a job for you to do. Well, a couple of jobs. One, if you help me with a problem that I have, I will help you rebuild your flying tin can."
"It's not a tin can, it's a starship. Her name's the Enterprise." Kirk said, irritated.
"Only then will you be able to get off the planet. Will, then, you be able to defeat Nightmare Moon?"
"Yes."
"Then, afterwards, I will become part of the Federation."
"Okay."
"Now, about that problem..."
"What problem?"
"Come with me to my room."
Captain James Tiberius Kirk walks into Celestia's room after her and closes the curtains behind them as the U.S.S. Endurance crashes in between San Fransiscolt and Los Pegasus, killing everyone on board.
