Them Crazy Northerners

by Weavers of Dreams

First published 11th of February, 2015

Ditzy Doo (AKA Derpy Hooves) is going have her first family reunion in Ppnyville. Her friends are excited to meet them, but when she seems worried, her friends feel they need answers.

Derpy's never had her family over to Ponyville before, and no one has ever seen them or heard her talk about them before. But when her friends start to notice that she seems really nervous and, they confront her and find out that she's worried about how everyone will react when they see them.
In an attempt to reassure her, they wind up finding an orphan lost wandering the roads. The fact there's no room in the orphanage means Derpy has to house him until they can find room anywhere else. Derpy becomes more distraught when she starts to fall in love with the orphan just before her family is supposed to arrive.
Then, chaos... complete and utter, unimaginable chaos.

Dooing the Math

Her closet was full of skeletons from bygone years. Literally, as her daughters bought a new one every year for Nightmare Night and refused to throw any of the old ones away. But Ditzy, though she preferred the nickname Derpy, didn't mind at all, it was in fact a fun little tradition, and made their house win best decorations each years as they never cleaned the cobwebs or dust off the old ones. It was those little, natural details that meant so much. Of course there was that one year Dr. Syringe had won, but was later disqualified when they found out the skeletons weren't fake. No spoke to him for while.

Derpy flapped her wings enthusiastically, as she read one of the letters she was supposed be delivering. She did this quite often, opening these letters and packages. It wasn't hurting anypony, besides they were the letters and packages with her address and name on them, so there was no harm in opening them before she got home. It also helped her keep track of her daughters' purchases and relations, using a razor to carefully steaming open the envelopes and then reading what was being said, and repacking and taping the packages before her daughters saw them. They were good girls, and knew that, but if she didn't check up on them, who knows what they could get themselves into.

This particular letter was from her Uncle Stone .

Dear Ditzy,

Just a letter to remind you that its finally your year to host the annual Doo family reunion. Your mother and father are looking forward to seeing their grandchildren again, you know, with you living so far away they only seeing them a few days out of the year. Your brother Tam is looking forward to playing music for crowds, so be sure to find a stage for him to play on. Housing as well, since you live so far away from us all, we would like to stay at least three days. Don't worry, we'll pay for the housing, we know how little the mail delivery service pays. I hope to see you soon, and everyone's looking forward to seeing their favorite wall-eyed pegasus.

Love,

Uncle Stone Doo

P.S. Be careful of your mother, she wants you to get married again.

Ditzy laughed at that last part and stuffed the letter under her hat. As soon as she made her last delivery, she would go home and start on a list of what she needed to do. The reunion was a couple of months away, plenty of time for her to prepare. She paused a second and thought it out.

She'd never done anything this big before. It was a big deal to her family. She'd helped set them up when she was a little filly, but that was just doing little jobs. But she had no relatives close by to help. Then she thought, who says it has to be a relative? She could just ask a few friends for advice and help. Applejack knew a thing or two about reunions, Rarity knew how to decorate, and pinkie knew how to cater celebrations. With that in mind, she settled upon the ground and started prancing on home with a smile on her face.

But she stopped again with an even worse realization. Her smile faded and her eyes aligned themselves as they shrunk in fear. How was she going to pay for it all? The mail delivery service barely paid enough to keep her and her daughters well fed with a roof over their heads. She got bonuses every once in a while, but those were used for birthdays and holidays.

Her cheerful mood suddenly gone, she lowered her head in defeat, not wanting to think about it until later. She plodded along to her final destinations, one of which being Princess Twilight's castle. Half-heartedly knocking on the door, she sat down upon the ground, and waited for someone to answer it.

It soon became apparent no one had heard her. With a groan, she pushed it open herself and walked in side.

"Hello? Is anypony home? Princess Twilight? Spike? Hello? I got your mail."

She let out another groan when it was apparent no one had heard. Not wanting to get home late because of somepony's inconsideration, or get yelled at by her boss if she accidentally left the mail somewhere no pony could see it, she ventured deeper within.

"Is anypony hooome," She called out loudly, her voice beginning to grate in frustration. Unfamiliar with the castle's lay out and inhibited by her funny eyes (called strabismus), she clumsily stumbled through the halls, praying she wouldn't break anything expensive.

Ever since she had decided to help Rainbow Dash decorate townhall after taking medicine for a long cold, she had been branded as an idiot. She had lost much self confidence after that. But it was the medicine that made her so clumsy, well extra clumsy, she couldn't help her eyes, but that didn't make her a fool. she cared deeply about her town and family, it was just one bad decision brought on by brain numbing medicine that she vowed never to take again.

"Princess Twilight, your mail is heeeeaar," She finally just screamed. Then she started grinded her teeth and stomp her hooves in frustration. In a low, raspy voice, she began to say, "Come on, little miss sparkle. You may have very nothing to do all day but read your little books and play with your friends. But some ponies have work to do. Like me, and I would like to get my job done so I can go home and eat dinner with my daughters, and then read them a story before tucking them into bed. Then I can go to sleep and repeat the next day."

"Oh... hi, Derpy, I didn't realize."

Derpy almost swallowed her tongue, her eyes opening wide as she turned around and saw the princess standing there, with the little dragon hiding behind her tail. Derpy bowed quickly and began shaking furiously. "Oooh, I'm so s-sorry, Princess, I-I didn't mean it, please forgive me, I-I-I..."

"Don't," Twilight said with a nervous smile. "I understand, you've had a long day and really want to see your family again. Really, I should have a mailbox set up outside. Spike make a note, we're getting a mailbox. Now, it's okay Derpy, get up, and I won't detain you any longer."

"Thank you," Derpy said as she stood back up and wiped a tear from her eye. "I really want to apologize though, I shouldn't let my emotions get away from... aah."

Twilight almost fried Derpy's circuits when she gave her reassuring hug. "I said it was okay, Derpy. You're my friend, and I know you're just a little overworked today. Don't ever be ashamed to vent every once in a while."

"Th-thank you, Princess," Derpy sniffed with a small smile.

"Please, call me Twilight, I'm still uncomfortable with all that formality and stuff," twilight said with a wave of her hoof.

"Oh, here's your mail, Prin... I mean, Twilight," Derpy said as she pulled a large bundle of letters from her mailbag. "You have quite a few plans, even from places outside my route."

Twilight rolled her eyes as she took the letters in her magic and handed them off to Spike. "Just more fanmail, I'll look at it later. Guess you should be heading along now, Derpy. Tell Amethyst and Dinky hello me."

"I will, and thank you," Derpy said with a proud smile as she trotted happily to the end of the hall and looked both way before turning around to look at Twilight with a sheepish look. "Uuumm, Twilight?"

"Yes?" Twilight asked, taking a step forward.

"I was upset, and didn't really pay attention where I was going," Derpy began, rubbing her mane in embarrassment. "And your castle is really big, and with my eyes, the way they are, I can lose my sense of direction in places I'm not familiar with."

Twilight laughed and nodded understandingly. "Of course. Spike, could you show her out?"

"Of course," Spike said, relieved that Derpy wasn't scary anymore. He liked Derpy, she was nice and optimistic, a little clumsy, but you could easily overlook that.

"Wait," Twilight said as a thought came to her head. Derpy and Spike turned to look at her. "Derpy, how about this weekend you bring Amethyst and Dinky over here, I'll provide lunch and we can talk while they explore the castle. It's been a while since we've just sat down as friends to talk."

"We've never sat down to talk," Derpy laughed appreciatively.

Twilight pressed hit lips together tightly at the shocking realization. "Well then, it's about time. I shouldn't neglect one of my friends. Maybe you can bring the Doctor with you."

Derpy rolled her eyes at that. which looked really funny, but Twilight and Spike kept their composure. "Oh, I doubt he'd want to come, he's always off on an adventure anyway. I'd go with more often, but that doesn't pay the bills. Maybe one day he'll want to settle down, but, until then. I'd love to come and have a talk, just us girls."

"Until then, Derpy, have a good evening," Twilight said with a wave and kind smile.

"Until then," Derpy echoed with the same gesture.

After she was out of the castle, she spread her wings and took to the sky wanting to time out at the office and the hurry home to her daughters. But her concern for the reunion was still jabbing at the back of her mind. She still needed a plan. She didn't want to be marked as the Doo who made the worst family reunion ever.

But she couldn't think of that now, she would be cutting dinner close now as it was, and didn't need any distractions. Her wings beat harder as she flew awkwardly through the sky. Determination shown in her eyes as she carefully calculated the distance to the office in her head. Since she couldn't see properly, most of her flying and movement were mental estimates that she had honed and perfected over the years. Truly a mathematician's paradise.

On the Road Again

Derpy had gotten home in time to help finish making dinner after her talk with Twilight, and then she read the some of the latest Daring Do to Dinky and Amethyst before tucking them into their beds. Then she sat with a candle and paper as she went over her budget for her family reunion. Her hoofwriting was deceptively good, with a calligraphic style all her own, but that didn't mean much if she couldn't figure out a way to fit the reunion around her budget.

So far, she figured she could reuse old holiday decorations, not the skeletons in her closet, the park on the other side of town, and Tam could use the public theatre in the middle town. This way she could use her budget more on food and refreshments. But then... she didn't know how many were coming. The RSVPs might arrive in a few days, and the deadline was a couple months away, maybe her bills wouldn't cut so much into her budget. Her family could be forgiving, was forgiving, they'd understand. Wouldn't they? Oh, why did she have to take that medicine?

She buried her face in her hooves and groaned. Her family was nice, but very traditional, every year the reunion was a success, but this was the first time it had fallen into her hooves to pull off. Perhaps she could ask her friends for help. No. She had too much pride, especially after the townhall incident, she didn't need everypony thinking she was more incompetent. But she could ask Applejack for advice, that wouldn't be admitting anything.

The chiming of her grandfather clock made her start. She gasped upon seeing it was midnight. "Why? It's not even close to the weekend yet. I can't... can't do this. Oooh."

Derpy hurried to bed, not even bothering to bathe, she just needed to get to sleep now so that she wouldn't be disoriented in the morning. She was never late for work, but now wouldn't be a good time to start. They might dock her pay, and she couldn't have that, not now. She stumbled into her room, took off her uniform and dove under the covers in record time.

But before closing her eyes, she paused a moment to look at a picture on her dresser, forcing her eyes to align so she could see it properly. It was an image of a younger version of her, midway through her pregnancy with Dinky, and standing proudly beside her was a silver unicorn in the golden armor, holding her close to his side. A tear fell from an eye as it did every night as she spoke the same words she had for a long time.

"You would love our daughter, she's so happy. She takes after you in the way that she just wants to make every pony happy, and she's getting strong and smart. I've told her all about you, your kindness, honesty, and most of all your understanding. Then there's Amethyst, you would love her, she may not be born our daughter, but you know my family motto. Ahem... blood is thicker then water, but a name holds an iron grip. You always liked that, and I know you would have accepted her just like I have, she's helped me and Dinky so much, and her love is that of a genuine sister to her. It may had eaten my budget a little, okay... a lot, but it was all worth it to give Dinky the sister she deserves and she's so... helpful around... the house... she..."

And like all those other nights, Derpy fell asleep during her conversation with her favorite stallion. Her one-way talks always helped calm her spirit after rough days, and her sleep was without stress. It seemed like it was going to be alright.

* * *
She had forgotten to set her alarm, and she rushed from the house with a shriek, throwing on her uniform and skipping breakfast in her frenzy. Her wings beat furiously as she rose above the houses so she could make as close a beeline for post office as her eyes would allow. A multi-colored blur knocked her off course for a moment.

"Sorry, Derpy," Rainbow Dash shouted as she flew off on her own business with the weather team.

"No-no-no," Derpy gasped loudly, as she tried to reorient herself. Recognizing the Sugercube Corner sign, she took off at a breakneck pace. In no time she skidded through the office doors and timed in... only three hours late.

Hearing something banging the wall. The manager stepped out and saw Derpy almost in tears hitting her head against the drywall and plaster. "Late night, Derpy?"

Derpy froze and then dropped her head, letting her mane fall over her face. She nodded with a despairing sigh. "Yes sir. B-but I didn't mean it. I promise it won't happen again."

The manager just shook his head and rolled his eyes. He stepped up the machine and pressed a few buttons. "There. Just be sure you deliver all your mail today."

Derpy burst into grateful sobs and tried to hug her manager. But in her haste she missed and fell flat on her face. Not embarrassed in the slightest, she put her hooves together and thank him over and over again.

"Ahem," the stallion cleared his throat and tilted his head towards a mailbag with her name on it.

"Of course," Derpy said grabbing the bag and hurrying out the door and flitting onto the roof.

All the pegasus mail carries would stop on the roof to organize their mail, it was out of the way and they could talk for a few minutes. But that was only if they were on time. Derpy sorted the letters and packages with gusto, using rubber bands to bind then into clumps groupings. She was working so fast that that she didn't notice another Pegasus land behind her.

"Uh, hey, Derpy, I wanted to make sure you heard me apologize. I didn't make you late for work, did you?"

Derpy squeaked and turned to see the rainbow mare herself. "RAINBOW DASH!"

"Yeeaah, I'm really sorry Derpy, I...," Rainbow Dash was unable to finish as a bundle of letters was shoved into her mouth. She watched dumbfounded, as the gray mailmare then took off in a blast of wind.

"I deverf dat." She took the letters out of her mouth and removed the rubber bands to look through them. "Bills, bills, junk, oooh... heehee. What have you got to say today, Soarin?"

* * *
Derpy didn't bother looking at her own mail today as she zipped across town and over the countryside in her formulated method of fast delivery. No way was she going to take advantage of her boss's kindness, this was a one time thing only, and she would never forget to set her alarm ever again. She didn't even pause to say hello, just hurried on, until she arrived again at Twilight's castle. She was about to knock on the door when she noticed a bright red mail box off to the side. With a happy smile she pulled out her letters and stuffed them inside, closing the lid and pulling up the little flag.

"Do you like it?"

Derpy stopped and looked to see a smiling Twilight. This was her last delivery, other than her own house, and it be just plain rude not to speak with the princess.

"Yes," Derpy said with a smile. "And you made it bright red. My favorite color. For a mailbox that is. Mr. Rich has a green one and I tend to miss it a lot. I suspect his daughter moves it around on me just to make it harder."

"Why would a filly do that?" Twilight asked as she made a dramatic show of opening her mailbox, making Derpy giggle.

"I don't know, but my Dinky says she's not a nice filly. Hangs around with a... Silver Spittoon, I think it was. I hear that they're regular terrors on the playground."

"Why doesn't somepony do something?" Twilight asked she looked through the letters.

"Her father's rich," Derpy said with what she thought was contemptible wave of a hoof. "Rich Mr. Rich can't stich a switch for that little witch. That's what I hear Dinky and some of her friends saying."

Twilight couldn't help but laugh. "That's terrible, but so silly at the same time. Foals do some of the strangest things."

Derpy nodded. "I probably know that more than you. Even Amethyst acts like a little foal at times, bless her heart. I've never regretted her adoption."

Tiwlight gasped. "Oh my, I didn't know she was adopted."

Derpy folded her ears back and lowered her head dejectedly. "What exactly do you know about me, Twilight."

Twilight held her breath a moment in thought. What came to mind were her clumsiness, sometimes absentminded behavior, that she was a mother of two, was generally happy, and the townhall incident. She gave Derpy a sheepish smile and rubbed her left foreleg with the right.

Derpy sighed and turned around. "Don't bother with lunch this weekend. I'll just do what I've always done."

Twilight shook her head and ran ahead of Derpy. "No."

"What?" Derpy asked in shock, almost falling on her rear in amazement of the alicorn's speed.

"Don't you see?" Twilight began with a broad, sincere smile on her face. "We both need to have lunch now more than ever. I've always considered you a friend, but have gotten to know you. This will be the perfect opportunity."

Derpy looked away at the ground. "I don't need pity."

Twilight frowned and placed a hoof on Derpy's shoulder. "It's not pity, Derpy. I'm being a friend, and as the Princess of Friendship I hereby order you to come to lunch and talk with me."

Derpy cringed a bit but then managed a smile. "Okay, Princess Twilight. I'll do it."

Twilight watched as Derpy departed, slightly more chipper than before with a little bounce in her step. As soon as the mailmare was out of sight, she called for spike, who promptly appeared.

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Find out everything you can about Derpy."

Tea for Two with Muffins for You

Saturday mornings were usually times to sleep in and make big breakfasts at the Doo house. But Derpy had been so frantic about the coming in late for work that she forgot what day it was and was halfway to the post office before she realized what day it was. The streets were practically deserted, so no one noticed her in her blue uniform sporting a sheepish smile as she hurried back home.

Her daughters were still asleep, so she shed her uniform and began the makings of a big breakfast. Chopped vegetables, eggs and sliced potatoes with grated cheese and pepper. The perfect hash for weekend breakfast feast. Add orange juice, honey and toast, and all she and to do was wait for the smell to wake up the girls.

Amethyst woke up before Dinky to the smell of the food, and, with a smile on her face, leaped out of bed and stretched before waking Dinky.

"C'mon, wake up sleepyhead," she said in excited voice. "Mom's made breakfast."

"Two more minutes, it'll still be warm," Dinky moaned in protest.

Amethyst was about to something, but then looked at the clock. It was still quite early. But the smell of the food told her it didn't really matter. "Get up Dinky or I'll tell mom you ate the last muffin."

"WHAT?" Dinky shot out of bed and raced out of the room, leaving a half-dazed Amethyst behind.

Amethyst soon raced out after her, laughing all the way. She soon found Derpy as she usually was, sitting on floor in front of the table facing them with her maternal smile and silly eyes. Dinky leapt into Derpy's awaiting hooves, for a Saturday morning hug. Amethyst took the more dignified approach for a hug, not wanting to hurt her mother.

"There's momma's girls," Ditzy Doo chuckled, releasing Amethyst but holding onto Derpy as she spun around to face the table. and set Dinky upon a short box show she could reach her food. "Eat up, and remember, to save room, we're going to Princess Twilight's castle for lunch."

Amethyst dropped a sizable helping of the hash from her magic and her mouth hung open. She stared in disbelief at her mother. "Since when?"

Derpy paused a moment, tapping her chin and then facehoofed. "I didn't tell you, did I?"

Amethyst and Dinky shook there heads in unison.

"Three days ago, the princess invited us over for lunch today. I'm sorry amethyst, Dinky, but momma's been a little busy... and worried."

Amethyst picked up the hash and dropped it on her plate, then wiped up what was left on the table with a napkin. "About what? Making a good impression?"

"Kind of, but not for the princess," Derpy started then sighed, resting her chin on the table. "I think I've left enough of an impression on Ponyville."

"Is this about townhall again?" Dinky asked, looking worried.

"No," Derpy said. "The family reunion is coming up."

Dinky suddenly let out an enthusiastic shriek, making Derpy and Amethyst cover their ears.

"We're going to go see Great Uncle Stone and Uncle Tam, and Grandma and Grandpa and... and... all the others? Yes."

"Why should you be worried about that?" Amethyst asked, taking a big bite of her portion. "I thought you looked forward ot the reunion every year."

"We're not going this year."

Dinky stopped for a moment and let that sink in. Her face suddenly fell and tears weld up in her eyes. "What? But why? Don't you want to see them?"

Amethyst was almost as distraught. Not for the same reasons, but the thought that maybe something had happened. "Why? Did something happen? You didn't lose your job did you?"

"No-no-no," Derpy said quickly, realizing her choice of words. "We're not going anywhere, because it's my year to host the reunion. There coming here."

Dinky wiped the tears from her eyes her smile almost seemed to cut her head in half. "You mean it?"

Derpy nodded.

"Then why are you still sad, mommy?"

Derpy sighed and served herself a portion of the hash. "Because momma doesn't know how she'll pay for it all. Uncle Stone said they would pay for the housing, because their staying three days..."

"THREE DAYS?" Dinky squealed in rapturous delight.

"Ow," Amethyst said as she uncovered her ears. Dinky didn't realize the weight of this situation, but Amethyst did. "I've got some savings, and I can take up a small job."

Derpy smiled at Amethyst's idea. "I don't know if that would matter much. We can reuse holiday decorations, and that field outside of town, but what we really need is... food. You know that the traditional dishes served at these reunions, right Amethyst?"

"I've gone twice already, mom," Amethyst said matter-of-factly. "I know about all hose weird things your family eats."

"It's your family too, Amethyst," Derpy said, a little put out that Amethyst slightly alienated herself. "Blood is thicker than water..."

"...but a name holds an iron grip," Amethyst finished. She gave Derpy a hug.

"I'm so glad I adopted you," Derpy sniffed, her eyes starting to water.

"I'm glad you did too," Amethyst said, her eye watering a little as well.

"And me, and me," Dinky shouted, joining them, getting a couple of good laughs at her enthusiasm.

"Yes, my little muffin, you too. We both love our Amethyst."

"I'm very fond of you both as well," Amethyst said, getting a good chuckle.
* * *
With a packed basket, cleaned fur and combed tails and manes, Derpy and her daughters set out to the castle. Dinky rode on her sister's back and Amethyst kept nose to nose with her mother, who held the basket in her mouth. Amethyst couldn't help but feel a little embraced about what was in the basket.

"Mom, are you sure you need to bring those? I'm sure she'll have some that even better."

Derpy laughed at her daughter's concern. "Et neffer hurths to bay praypared."

"But, won't it be a little insulting?"

Derpy gave her a curious look.

"I mean, you bringing food. She's the host, and a princess, for crying out loud. But your bringing food just in case she doesn't have anything you like."

"I'll eat whaths put en funt a'me," Derpy said, rolling her eyes comically. "I justh wan' somthin' I know I'll like."

Amethyst sighed in defeat. "Okay, I'm sorry."

Derpy draped a wing over her and Dinky, beaming them a smile. "She's the Prwinthess of Friendsthep, sthe'll unnersthand."

When they got to the castle Amethyst levitated Dinky down from her back and looked her over to make sure her mane and tail weren't scuffed up. Then she ran a quick hoof through her own mane and tail and looked at her mother who waited patiently for them to be done before knocking on the door. Amethyst was nervous, to say the least, even though she had met Twilight before, and even had her crash a picnic with her sister. But still...

Spike opened the door and gestured for them to come in, with Twilight standing a short distance back a friendly smile on her face.

"Welcome, Ditzy Doo, Amethyst, and Dinky," she said happily. "Welcome to the castle. Lunch is waiting in the dining, hall if you'll just follow me. Let me take that."

Derpy released the basket into Twilight's magic then gave a polite little bow. "Thank you, Princess Twilight. I brought muffins."

Twilight laughed as she carried the basket and walked along. "Well that wasn't necessary, but thank you all the same, Derpy."

"You're welcome, Princess."

"oh, please, just Twilight," Twilight said with a comic sigh.

The dining hall was huge, with one of those long tables with ten places set close together. Derpy was actually surprised to see the rest of Twilight's close friends already seated and waiting for them. Twilight took a seat at the head of the table and gestured for Derpy to take a seat next to her. That three places at the other end for her daughters and spike. Atop the table were silver pitchers and covered dishes.

"How's it going Derpy?" Pinkie asked enthusiastically, as she reached for one of the covered dishes, only to have her hoof smacked away by Rarity.

"Don't be rude, dear."

"Aaaawe."

"Actually," Twilight said, "since the guests have arrived, I see no reason to wait any longer."

With a wave of her horn, the covers lifted to reveal an assortment of fruits, flowers, breads and muffins of every variety. Derpy gasped in glee at the sight, her eyes settling on the lemon poppy seed muffins, her tongue subconsciously lulling out the side of her mouth.

"Dig in."

Derpy immediately filled her plate with the muffins, and shoving one into her mouth with gusto. Much to the embarrassment of Amethyst, who was worried about how the princess and the elements of harmony would see her mother as she acted this way. But there were no scowling or rude faces on any of them, in fact the few did take notice were smiling laughing.

"Wow, those must pretty good," Rainbow Dash laughed as she grabbed a couple of the same muffins to go along with her bread and bananas. Taking a bite, her eyes lit up and her wings twitched in voluntarily. "Yep. I want one every day."

"Sorry," Pinkie Pie chirped with a smile. "We only serve them every other Wednesday."

"You made these?" Derpy asked before her fourth muffin made it halfway in her mouth.

"Yepperony," the party pony said as she placed a cube of butter atop a piece of bread then slapped a blackberry muffin atop of that and ate it in one bite. "'Wiligh' wan'ed 'o know wha' your *swallows* favorite flavor was, so the Cakes and I baked a whole bunch for today."

"Thank you both," Derpy said with glee.

"Wait a minute," Rainbow Dash said with a scowl on her face. "I go to Sugarcube Corner almost every day, and I've never seen one of these."

"Eep," Derpy cringed at the sight of Rainbow dash, dropping a half-eaten muffin back on her plate. "Sorry, Rainbow Dash."

"Wait. You mean that you...?" Rainbow Dash started with wide eyes. She slumped over with a groan. "It's just like Pinkie at Cider Season."

"Hey, I share with you," Pinkie Pie said indignantly before she stuffed another culinary aberration in her mouth.

Dinky was attempting to follow Pinkie's example, but Amethyst stopped her. "Pinkie's the only pony who could survive eating that, and there's no way you'd survive a heart attack. Oh, Spike, you haven't said much."

Spike paused a moment in thought. "Well, usually no one listens, unless it's relevant to the current situation. I guess I can be little quiet."

"I wouldn't mind if you talked more, I'd listen," Fluttershy said softly smiling as Dinky waved at her. She returned the wave kindly. "You shouldn't be afraid, to let others know what you think... even though I'm not one to talk about that. I'm sorry."

"About what?" Amethyst asked, confused as Fluttershy's... well shyness.

"About talking about something I really know nothing about." Fluttershy seemed to shrink. "I can hardly even say... n-n-no. See?"

"Aaah, don't be so hard on yerself, Fluttershy," Applejack said, patting her wings gently. "Ya'll jes need a little training in assertiveness."

"NO!" Pinkie and Rarity cried, making everypony else jump.

"What?"

Rarity gave a nervous smile. "W-what we mean is... is that Fluttershy just needs some encouragement and she'll do just fine. R-right, Pinkie?"

Pinkie quickly nodded. "Yes! That's all she needs. Fluttershy just needs encouragement."

"Y-y-yes, just s-some encouragement every n-now and th-then will do just fine," Fluttershy squeaked out the last few words as all eyes turned on her.

"Well if'n you say so," Applejack said with a shrug as she turned back to her meal.

Derpy suddenly remembered she wanted some advice from Applejack about family reunions, but didn't take the time to figure if now was the best time. "Hey, Applejack, you know a lot about family reunions, right?"

Applejack sputtered a bit at the sudden random question. "An' I thought Pinkie Pie was random. Well, what is it you wanna know, Derpy?"

"Oh, is this a bad time?" Derpy asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"No, it's jest a li'l random is all," Applejack said as she tried to meet Derpy's eyes. An impossible task.

"Um, well," Derpy began, rubbing her mane delicately. "You see, my family reunion is coming up in just a little while, and it's my year to host it, but I'm just not sure about all the details. I just need some advice and ideas."

"Oh, yer havin' a family reunion of your own?" Applejack's face lit up with a smile. "I jest had one a little while ago."

"I know," Derpy laughed, relieved that Applejack wasn't annoyed with her. "I was passing over your farm all day delivering mail. At first I thought maybe you were having a yard sale, or an auction. But when I saw you playing games and eating together, then destroying the barn, singing a song while rebuilding it, I knew it had to be family over for a visit."

Applejack's cheeks hard turned a bright shade of red. Rainbow Dash snickered then burst into an loud laughing fit with Pinkie Pie. Applejack tried to salvage the situation. "Okay now, that doesn't happen every year, it jest got a little out of hand. It was my first year setting things up, and I really messed it up... and... WILL YOU TWO STOP LAUGHIN' ALREADY?"

After Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash calmed down, Applejack regained her composure some.

"Well, Derpy, we can discuss the finer points later, but lemme jest say don't knitpick everythin', jest let them have their fun and enjoy each other's company. So, how many ponies in yer family any way? Must be at least a hundred that still respond to the family Apple family letters."

Derpy absentmindedly rubbed a muffin against her chin in thought. "Well last year the family charter said three hundred and twelve. But I'm sure some foals have been born since then, and a few marriages as well. Could be nearing four hundred now. Most likely two thirds will be attending the reunion and... and why are you all looking at me like that?"

Applejack's food fell out of her mouth, Rainbow Dash looked frozen solid, Rarity had a look of terror frozen on her face, Spike wasn't paying attention, Amethyst was cringing at the sight of every pony, Dinky was laughing at their expressions, and Pinkie was extatic. Twilight on the other hand looked like all the circuits in her brain had just been fried, frozen and then got beaten with a hammer. Even Fluttershy had a faraway look in her eyes.

"Doesn't every pony have big families?" Derpy asked, lowering her body so that her eyes were just barely above the table.

Pinkie appeared beside Derpy and gave her a cup of tea, then poured herself some.

"Why?" Derpy asked in confusion.

"So the chapter title would make sense, silly," Pinkie laughed.

Author's Notes:

And now everypony knows something about Derpy they might never have imagined otherwise.

Forgiveness

Lunch seemed to have ended quite abruptly, Derpy and her daughters sat at the table in silence while Twilight and her friends were huddled near the doorway, whispering amongst each other about this new revelation about Derpy. All the while they were unaware that the Doo family could hear the entire thing. Derpy was on the verge of bursting into tears while Amethyst held her close, and Dinky was simply confused at what was happening or what they were talking about.

"This going to be so exciting," Pinkie Pie whispered cheerfully. The others all rolled their eyes in annoyance, except for Fluttershy.

"Did you hear what she said?" Rainbow Dash asked with a quick glance at Derpy.

Rarity nodded. "Indeed, it appears there's a lot of them. Do they just breed like rabbits?"

"I would ah never 'ave thought in a million years," Applejack began, her eyes still wide in disbelief, "she's got four 'undred relatives. Now how do you suppose they keep in contact?"

"I doubt that's a our most pressing concern," Twilight said, hushing them. "I don't want to make this a long conversation, she's probably getting really nervous right about now."

Nervous didn't even come close to how Derpy was beginning to feel.

"But, Twilight," Rainbow Dash hissed, "there are four hundred of them. Four hundred Derpys."

"Hey, maybe if I help her set everything up, she'll let me meet them all," Pinkie Pie thought aloud. Images of at least a hundred wall-eyed little fillies and colts running around was almost enough to make her explode.

Of course you can come, Derpy thought with a brief smile.

"Imagine the damage that they could cause," Rarity put in with a worried expression on her face.

"That mare's clumsier than brick rollin' inside a barrel," Applejack said with a nod of agreement.

"Look what she did to townhall by herself," Rainbow Dash stated, lifting her hooves into the air dramatically. "Now imagine what four hundred of them could do."

A loud sob suddenly issued from the table and the six friends turned just in time to see Derpy leap over them and into the halls, speeding away at a dead run. The realization that she had heard everything they said suddenly settled on them, Pinkie and Fluttershy, thinking of themselves as the innocents of the group, looked at the other in shock.

"Mommy, wait, don't go," Dinky yelled, running through the group after her mother.

There was a long moment of silence before all eyes turned to look at the final member of the Doo family. Who now looked less like a pony and more like a seething monster as her blood boiled in rage. Before anypony could say anything or make a noise, all the dishes and food on the tables was flung against the far wall with a burst of Amethyst's magic as she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU."

They all took a few steps back as the young mare pushed herself away from the table and approached them with anger filling her eyes.

"How dare you all. Do you know how long she's lived with that?"

"Amethyst," Pinkie began, reached hoof forward, hoping she could calm her down.

"Don't," Amethyst growled. "You may not have said anything against her, but you didn't defend her either... same for you Fluttershy."

Pinkie felt like crying herself as she back up and stood beside the quivering Fluttershy in defeat.

Amethyst turned towards the other four. "The rest of you though... Yes, she's clumsy, she can be absentminded and silly, but she does her best everyday. She was sick that day at townhall, but she still wanted to help, so she took some medicine and it made her loopy. She just wanted to help, but all of you just branded her as a menace. And what did she do? Destroy parts of townhall? Is that really as bad as you destroying your entire barn, Applejack? What's your excuse?"

Applejack folded her ears back and lowered her head to the ground.

"How... how... could you all be so blind to her? Ever since then she won't even go see a doctor, because she's afraid of hurting someone, all because ponies just won't shut up about that day. And her family just so happens to be just as sweet, just as friendly, and kind as she is. Why you would even... why you would... why," Amethyst said, struggling to find more words. But when no more came, she ran off after her family, leaving Twilight and her friends behind her.

Pinkie's mane deflated and she looked at the ground in shame. "I should have defended her."

"M-m-me t-too," Fluttershy barely managed to say.

"I didn't know they could hear us," Rarity said, placing a hoof over her mouth. "How could this happen?"

"I'm more of a menace, than her," Applejack said, tilting her hat over her eyes.

"No, what you did was an accident, Applejack," Rainbow stated.

"What she did were an accident," Applejack then shouted back, surprising everypony. "What I did was reckless, stubborn pride on a wild wagon of destruction. To top et all off, the rest of the reunion was used to rebuild it. Sure, we sang a good song and had some bondin' time, but I nitpicked most of it and almost ruined the whole thang."

"Really, when you think about it, it was only one incident," Rarity sighed. "Clumsiness is understandable from anypony, doubly so because of her eyes."

Rainbow Dash rubbed her shoulder with a frown. "Yyyeaah, and I've kind, sorta done a few more things than her as well."

"I think we all have," Twilight groaned, upset with herself. Except for you, fluttershy."

"W-well, there was th-that time at the Grand Galloping Gala, w-where I chased all those animals inside, a-and ruined the party," Fluttershy confessed in a hushed tone.

"I guess we're all guilty of something," Pinkie said with a deflated mane. "Now I probably won't get to see a bunch of little fillies and colts running around town. Awww, at least a hundred little Derpys running about, I won't be allowed to join the festivities."

"We'd better find them and apologize," Twilight said in exasperation. "This was just supposed to be a nice luncheon with friends, and... we may have lost a friend in stead."

They all began to follow Twilight in the direction Derpy took, but then they saw her and her daughters come around a corner towards them. Derpy head her head low, the area around her eyes wet from crying, while a confused Dinky wrote upon a very angry looking Amethyst. They all stopped in front of the six friends (Spike had been asked to go to the kitchens previous to this) and Derpy looked up with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm sorry to bother you with this, Princess, but... I forgot the way out, again," she sobbed, wiping at her eyes with a limp hoof.

"We don't want you to leave, Derpy," Twilight said, stepping up and placing a comforting hoof in Derpy's shoulder.

"W-what do you mean?" Derpy asked, now looking confused. "You were saying that my family was..."

Twilight silenced her with a hug. "We don't know your family, and we were... were... being stupid. We jumped to the conclusion that they would... And about townhall..."

"We really shouldn't have judged you because of that," Rarity said with a despairing sigh. "We didn't know you were sick at the time..."

"Amethyst explained everything to us," Rainbow Dash said, her head lowered in shame. "Even on that day I was being rude, and uncaring. I'm sorry Derpy."

"Yeah, and you said ya saw me destroy the family barn," Applejack spoke up. "That's much worse than what we were accusin' you of. Family is very important to me, an' I had no right to jump to conclusions about yours. Ah'm sorry as well."

"And I'm sorry for not defending you," Pinkie said with hope in her eyes, "I was too busy imagining all the new ponies that were going to be coming to town. My silence made you sad and cry. I don't like it when ponies are sad. I'm very sorry."

"And I-I'm sorry as well," Fluttershy squeaked out with a couple tears in her eyes.

"We're all sorry, Derpy," Twilight said as she let go of the mailmare and took a step back. "I suppose lunch is out of the question now. But perhaps we can do something else to salvage the day. Is there something you would like to do, or someplace you want to go?"

Derpy sniffed and wiped her eyes again with both hooves. "You mean that? You're not mad that my family is coming?"

"Not at all, darling," Rarity said with genuine empathy. "In fact, to make it up to you I'll make you a dress for your reunion on the house."

Derpy smiled. "That's very kind of you, Rarity, but I've already got a dress in mind."

Rarity laughed. "Oh, darling, come now, surely you want to dazzle them all with the latest fashion and..."

"They're traditional Doo family dresses worn for over six hundred years," Amethyst snapped at her, obviously still angry at them."

"We're still guests in somepony else's house, Amethyst" Derpy said softly, giving her a pleading gaze.

Amethyst sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I can make anything look modern," Rarity said, "bring all your outfits by and I'll make you shine."

"Okay," Derpy said managing to laugh. "And yes, there might be someplace and something I would like to do. Oh, but I couldn't bring Amethyst and Dinky, it's a little dangerous."

"They can stay and explore the castle," Twilight said with a nonchalant wave of a hoof. "Spike won't mind."

"Well, okay,"Derpy said with a happy grin. "Is it alright with you two?"

Amethyst thought about for a moment, while Dinky immediately nodded her head. "Okay. Fine, we'll stay, but just be careful."

"I'll be fine, Amethyst," Derpy said with a chuckle.

"I was talking to them," Amethyst said, indicating the other six.

They watched as Amethyst and Dinky disappeared around a corner to explore the castle, Derpy calling after them.

"Stay together, I don't want Dinky frightened if she gets lost."

"Yes mom, I'll watch like a hawk."

Twilight stepped up beside Derpy and smiled. "They seem like good girls. Now, where did you want to go?"

In about half an hour they were all standing at the entrance to the most dangerous hiking trail in their part of Equestria. Sheer cliffs, narrow paths, loose rocks that could potentially trap pegusi, and warning signs about potentially dangerous wildlife in the area. It was enough to make al but Pinkie and Rainbow Dash gasp in disbelief. Though Rarity fainted.

"WIDOW'S WALK?" the six elements of harmony shouted in unison.

A Road Less Traveled... FOR A VERY GOOD REASON

Derpy seemed to be the only one smiling as they walked along the ever dangerous Widow's Walk, though Rainbow Dash was putting on a confident air, not wanting to be outshined by the walleyed mailmare. But the Elements felt uneasy on the dangerous path, putting up with it for Derpy's sake, though Fluttershy and Rarity cringed every time a rock fell or rolled down a slope, and Pinkie's laughter was rather low so she wouldn't disturb any loose shale or gravel.

Derpy wasn't bothered at all, she'd been in more serious situations with her doctor friend, though she didn't tell many about that anymore. They just laughed at her like she had been telling a joke. The Doctor wasn't a joke, nor was his wonderful blue, bigger-on-the-inside box. Sometimes, if he was extra-positive that it was safe, they'd bring along Amethyst and Dinky. Derpy still laughed at the memory of Amethyst's first reaction upon seeing the TARDIS and traveling through time and space. She had thought it was just a story for Dinky, but then that blue box appeared in their living room and they wound up having exotic muffins (to describe them would be a crime) on a distant moon on the other side of the universe. He returned for birthdays and holidays as well as random days in between. He was practically a father to the two, and it saddened Derpy to know that he potentially could never settle down.

Twilight was the first to break the silence, curious about this place. "So, Derpy, you, uh, come here often?"

"At least once a week," Derpy said, looking back with an infectious smile, "though I don't allow Amethyst or Dinky to come, it'd be too dangerous for them. It's just something I like to do, nostalgia. Or is nostalgia something you only come around to after long periods of time? Or is nostalgia just something you have to remember something by? Which is it, Princess Twilight?"

Twilight paused a moment in thought. Nostalgia wasn't something she was well acquainted with, she wanted to learn, meaning she looked for new things and unfamiliar things to study and know, not reminiscing on subjects. Keepsakes she had, but they were hardly examples of nostalgic fondness, merely memories. Nostalgia was unfamiliar to her, and she made a mental note to study it later.

"I... don't... know," Twilight said thoughtfully. "I'm going to look that up later."

"Oh," Derpy responded with a shrug as she leapt over a rock without even looking at it.

The others paused for a moment at that. She had been looking back at Twilight the whole time Twilight had been in thought, and she had leapt over that rock with practiced ease. She knew this path better than any of them could have thought possible. Here her clumsiness seemed to be dissolved and there was an almost impeccable grace in her steps.

"Have you noticed something, I don't know, different about Derpy?" Rainbow Dash whispered to the others.

Rarity nodded her head. "Yes, it would appear she's a completely different pony here. You don't suppose her clumsiness is all an act, do you?"

Twilight shook her head. "No, how could you even think that? She probably just knows this path really well and is being extra careful. There's a reason its called Widow's Walk, you know."

"Or Widower's," Applejack said after she accidentally stirred up a loose stone and it went tumbled over the edge to jagged rocks below where it shattered.

"We're not even married," Rainbow Dash said with a snort.

"Well maybe some of us hope to be one day," Rarity snapped, then immediate slapped hoof over her mouth with a squeak. "Er, that is, what I meant was, well... you know, a mare does like to think..."

"Oh, gotch yerself some stallion already picked out, eh?" Applejack grinned slyly while giving Rarity a playful jab in the ribs.

"W-well...," Rarity pursed her lips as the other five (well Fluttershy was more just smiling in sweet amusement) began to give her similar grins.

"So, who is he?" Rainbow Dash asked with a sideways glance.

"Someone we know?" Twilight asked.

"Can I throw an engagement party?" Pinkie asked excitedly. "It's been a while since I've thrown one."

"He-he's not, you know... scary and mean, r-right," Fluttershy asked shyly.

"Would ya like Big Mac to keep an eye on 'im to make sure he ain't seein' other girls?" Apple jested convincingly.

"What? No," Rarity defended obstinately against Applejack.

"Oooh, so you do have one," Rainbow Dash couldn't help but chuckle as Rarity's cheeks started turned bright red.

"C'mon, now, sugarcube, we're all friends here," Applejack said with a playful roll of her eyes, "ya can tell us, ya were gonna tell at some point anyhow weren'tcha?"

Rarity held her breath a moment and then let it out in a long sigh of defeat. "Oh, alright, fine. Just as long as you promise not to say anything until we're sure it's a... 'thing' as the average pony says."

"Oh, alright, we promise," Twilight said. The others all nodded in agreement and leaned in to listen.

A loud scream split the heavens just before Rarity spoke the name, and made the others shriek in surprise.

"DERPY," they all shouted in unison and began to move quickly along the path, ignoring the dangers so they could come to the aid of the friend, who had gone on without them and was out of sight around a corner.

As soon as they rounded the corner they saw another corner further up ahead that Derpy must have gone around, and they rushed forward to go around that one, and then froze at the sight in front of them. There was a pile of rocks and dirt, blood, and a badly mangled pegasus mare in the mix. Derpy was standing a few feet away from the wreckage, screaming for somepony to come and help.

"Derpy, are you okay?" Twilight asked, wrapping a wing around the mailmare as she surveyed the carnage.

"Who cares," Derpy shuddered, pulling away from Twilight and approaching the landslide. "We have to help them, come on, let's dig them out."

"Derpy," Twilight said in as calm a tone as she could. "She's dead."

"I know she is,"Derpy said, scowling and starting to get angry, "But there's someone else in that pile... listen."

They all became very quiet after hearing Derpy's revelation, and as they listened, they heard a faint whimpering coming from within. With a gasp the others started forward, only to be caught in Twilight's magic.

"Wait, we can't just dig into there," she scolded them kindly. "If we do it wrong it could collapse on itself. We have to think this through and be careful."

The others all nodded in understanding.

"Now," Twilight cleared her throat. "Rainbow Dash, Derpy and Fluttershy, since your the lightest you will try and remove the smaller stuff in top."

"You hot it, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said with a salute.

"Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you'll try and remove the bigger stuff around the edges. But remember, if there's a rock on top of it, or if it stuck, don't move it or else it could collapse."

"You got it, sugarcube."

"Okie-dokie, Twilight."

"Rarity."

"Yes darling?"

"You and I will use our magic to help stabilize the pile to help keep it from crouching whoever's inside. Can you do that?"

"As seamstress it's rule," Rarity said a determined nod.

And so it began, an agonizingly long bit of delicate work. Derpy, Applejack and Fluttershy would periodically call out encouragement to whoever was inside the pile. Applejack and Pinkie Pie first worked to free the dead mare and delicately drag her away to lay her on some grass. But ass soon as they moved her they found another dead pegasus, a stallion this time. They delicately dug him out and laid him next to whom they assumed to be his wife.

Though this ordeal was affecting all of them, Derpy appeared to be almost traumatized. Her face was wet with sweat and tears as she did he best with her walleyes, but it was slower and harder work for her than the other two pegusi. Twilight soon took notice of this.

"Derpy, you should stop and rest for a bit."

Derpy glared at her. "No. I'm not useless, I can help."

"We know your not useless darling," Rarity pleaded, also seeing to strain on Derpy's body, "but this is hard work, and you clearly need a rest."

But Derpy was adamant. "But what if it's a little filly or a colt trapped inside? None of you are mothers, so you don't know what it's like as one who has given birth to think about a little foal getting hurt. I won't stop until he or she sees sunlight again. Who knows how long it's been since this accident. I won't stop. I wont, I WONT, I WOOONNT."

Everyone backed off as Derpy, with a sudden surge of adrenaline and maternal chemicals tore a crater in the pile, sending rocks and dirt in all directions, and creating a large cloud of dust. Everyone gasped as they heard falling rocks and derbis, but couldn't see Derpy anymore. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings to create a wind to dispel the dust and reveal a collapsed pile with no sign of the mailmare.

"DERPY," they all shouted at once, suddenly afraid. She was nowhere in sight. Pinkie's mane deflated as she hyperventilated, Fluttershy began crying in fear, Rainbow Dash was looking everywhere in hopes of seeing her, Rarity and Applejack were just gaping at the sight, and Twilight was beginning to panic.

The center of where the pile of rocks and dirt used be suddenly bulged upwards and a large flat stone tilted upwards as Derpy, dirt cascading off of her like water, pressed her back against it with her eyes closed and her face full of rage. Beneath her, between her hooves was a small, badly injured colt. With a final angry scream, Derpy forced the rock to fall the other way and then she dropped herself around the little colt, gently licking away the dirt from its body and stroking it softly.

"No harm is going to come to you ever again," Derpy said in a soft maternal voice as she turned her head to spit the dirt over the edge of the cliff.

The others all approached, their faces full of shock at the incredible display of strength and maternal affection she was showing. Derpy then noticed the others and smiled weakly.

"Wow, Derpy," Twilight began. "Th-that was..."

"Amazing," Rainbow Dash shouted enthusiastically with a flip in mid air.

"Really, dear, who knew you had... whatever that was in you," Rarity commended with a slow nod of her head.

"I thought only Earth ponies were that strong," Pinkie Pie said, her mane poofed out again.

Derpy rose and, ever so gently, picked up the colt, who was now unconscious. "He's badly hurt, I'm taking him to the hospital. Can you tell Amethyst and Dinky I might be home late?"

Twilight nodded. "Okay, Derpy, we can do that."

"Why don't you let me take him," Rainbow Dash offered. "I can fly faster than anypony here."

Derpy shook her head. "No. Going too fast would hurt him. Besides, I know how to hold little foals."

Rainbow Dash conceded with a nod. They all watched as Derpy took off, heading in an amazingly straight line for the hospital. Then they turned their attention to the too dead pegusi. TWilight took them in her magic and gently lifted them off the ground.

"Rarity, Fluttershy, we'll take these two back with us. Rainbow Dash, you fly ahead and contact the proper authorities. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, stay here and see if you can't find anything else that might give us a clue as to who they were."

Rainbow took off, Applejack and Pinkie Pie did their duty with sober clarity, and the three mares began the slow, cautious trek out of Widow's Walk. As the went their separate ways, Twilight began to wonder if Derpy had really always been so clumsy and absentminded.

Author's Notes:

We apologize for the late update and the very dark bit of humor we used to reveal the dead pegusi.

Our excuse for being late is that we were having trouble deciding on Derpy's reaction and emotional mindset in this moment of tragedy. We thought showing her as being more like a mother bear and slightly showing some mystery behind her would work well over time and give her some well needed character development.

We should be going back to regular updates again. Hope you enjoy.

What Damage is Done

Ditzy Doo practically burst through the hospital doors, screaming for help as she cradled the limp form of the colt. The hospital staff reacted with swiftly, gently taking him from her forelegs and carting him off to emergency. Then they surprised Derpy when they ushered her into another room and began dabbing medicine on her back and hooves which she now realized were cut up from all the rocks. Then a yellow earth pony doctor came in with a clipboard to ask her some questions as a nurse band-aided her back. Derpy also found herself breathing hard and trembling from strain.

"Now, Mrs. Doo," the doctor began in as calm a voice as possible, "who was that colt you brought in? And how do explain the injuries he and you have sustained?"

Derpy shook her head. "I don't know who he is. Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends and I were walking along Widow's Walk, when we came across a landslide with a dead pegasus mare underneath. I heard somepony crying inside the pile and so we starting to dig them out. After we pulled the dead mare away, we found a stallion, pegasus,... also dead. After seeing that, I was certain that the cries I heard were from a foal, so I got really upset and disregarded my personal safety to get him out. That why i'm a little cut up.

"My hoof," the nurse said as she finished applying the last band-aid to her back. "You're lucky you don't need stitches. Were you trying to throw a boulder with you back."

"I wasn't going to let it crush an innocent little colt," Derpy hissed in agitation.

"Oh...," the nurse said sheepishly. "I... I didn't realize the circumstances."

"Assumptions, assumptions," Derpy muttered under her breath.

"So you have no idea who the stallion, mare, or colt are?" the doctor asked, tapping the clipboard thoughtfully.

"No."

"No idea how long they might have been there?"

"No."

"Well, then I guess we're done here," the doctor said with a nod. "I'm going to prescribe a medicine to help your abrasions heal faster, and keep out infection."

"Are there any side affects?" Derpy asked worriedly, not wanting another townhall incident.

"Other than making you hungry, no," the doctor said, smiling, used to patients being worried about medicine. I guess you can go home now, Mrs. Doo."

"Wait," Derpy said, holding out a hoof towards the doctor. He stopped and gave her a quizzical look. "Is it alright if I stay and wait for the results on the colt? As he might not have any family in the area and I really want to make sure he'll be alright."

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Of course. There's some books in the waiting room with a couple vending machines. Though from the brief glimpse I had, it may take several hours."

"Oh, that's okay," Derpy said with a sniff. "I'll be waiting there. Oh, how much for this my own injuries?"

The doctor shook his head. "For something as minor as that, and for your heroic feat to save a foal's life? No charge for you, Mrs. Doo. Have a nice day."

"And try nod to flap your wings too hard or you'll open the cuts again," the nurse advised her with a smile.

Derpy felt tears coming to her eyes, but she held them back as best she could. No one had ever called her a hero before. And everything in her adult life she had had to pay for (though sometimes out of pride). To hear this from anypony was like sweet bells with a taste of poppy seed muffins. She smiled gratefully and trotted, almost prancing, out of the room, accidentally clip her the doorframe. Stupid eyes.
* * *
Have you ever noticed how time passes slowly inside a hospital. The sterile atmosphere, the sounds of fear and hope surrounding you, weighed down by looks of concern at every turn. Tears of sorrow, cheers of triumph. And yet you can't help but feel like a heavy burden has settled upon your back and refuses to leave. That's how it felt for Derpy.

Several candy wrappers, and a half-empty bag of potato chips sat in her lap as she stared at the floor and ceiling at the same time, counting the tiles to stave off boredom. She was so concentrated on this that she only noticed Twilight and her friends after Rainbow Dash poked her in the side of her head a few times.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't hear you," she said in embarrassment, holding out the bag of chips to Rainbow Dash, who took a few and sat down beside her.

"So, how is everything?" Twilight asked, taking a seat on the other side of Derpy.

"Yes, is the poor little darling alright?" Rarity asked in concern.

Derpy managed to subconsciously drop both eyes to the floor with a despairing sigh. "I don't know. They told me they'd tell me when they found out anything. So I've been waiting here for..."

She glanced at the clock and gasped.

"It's only been two hours?" she gaped. "I hate hospitals. What kind of quantum flux causes time to lag so much in these places?"

Quantum flux? Twilight thought to herself, unsure how Derpy knew anything about quantum physics.

"Ooh, have you asked anypony?" Pinkie Pie suggested.

"I don't want to disturb anypony," Derpy said with a shake of her head. "And I don't want to get in anypony's way. I'm sure the doctors are doing a fine job, I can wait."

"Now that's some nonsense," Applejack snorted, getting up from her seat. "Come along now everypony, let's git to the receptionist an' see if'n there might be any update."

"You can do that?"Derpy asked, tilting her head in confusion.

"Of course, Derpy," Rarity said with a chuckle, "Haven't you been to a hospital before?"

"A few times, for checkups for the girls," Derpy said with a shrug.

"What about when ya gave birth to Dinky?" Applejack asked curiously.

"I have a cousin who's a midwife, she came highly recommended," Derpy said with a smile. "She was a miracle worker. I had very little discomfort, was hardly sick, and the birth was very quick. But as a pegasus... giving birth to an earthbound filly with a horn while my body was meant for walking on clouds was pure agony. But completely worth it in the end."

Upon hearing that, Rainbow Dash made a mental note to try and avoid relationships with unicorns and earth ponies in the foreseeable future.

"What about as a foal? Didn't you see a doctor then?" Fluttershy asked.

Derpy nodded. "Of course I saw a doctor then. I have a few uncles who are a medical practitioners and make house calls for family members. One once mended my leg after some wolves attacked me. See there aren't even any scars."

They all examined the left forehoof that she held out to them. Sure enough, not single scar.

"I never would have thought you would have such professionals in your family, Derpy," Twilight

"Oh," Derpy said, drooping her head with a sigh. "I-I can understand that. I've never been as talented as the rest of my family, especially after my stupid accident."

Pinkie placed a comforting hoof on Derpy's shoulder. "What accident?"

Derpy sighed and sat down. "Do you really want to know?"

"Of course we want to know," Rainbow Dash said, settling next to her and pulling her tight to her side with a wing. "We're your friends, and we'll do or best to make sure whatever it is won't happen again."

"Yeah, you can tell us, sugarcube."

"Please tell us what's distressing you, dear."

"Y-yes, w-we wouldn't want a friend of ours t-to feel bad over an accident."

"We don't want you to think less of yourself," Twilight said with an encouraging smile.

Derpy sighed and gave them all a smile.

"It happened about a week before Dinky was born, and I... I had just received a visit from a military Royal Guard Captain and Chaplin, and they only v-v-visit when..."

"You're husband was in the Royal Guard?" Rainbow Dash asked in amazement.

Derpy nodded and smiled with fond memories. "That shouldn't be too surprising, Rainbow Dash. A lot of stallions join military branches, which gives rise to that stilly idea that Equestria has a mostly female society. And the fact that a lot of them tend to work longer hours than most mares, thus having less free time."

Rainbow Dash laughed and nodded. "I know, that idea is so dumb. I mean, who do they think we are? A bunch of polygamous matriarchs? Oh please."

Twilight and Rarity were impressed that Rainbow Dash knew the words "polygamous" and "matriarch".

Derpy rolled her eyes in good humor. It was an almost hypnotizing thing to watch. "Anyway, after they left, my cousin who was around so she tried to comfort me, but I just couldn't take it, I decided I needed a walk, alone. My husband and I both enjoyed walking Widow's Walk, but I hadn't gone ever since I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't thinking straight, and did the stupidest thing. I guess you can guess where I went.

"I was so upset that I didn't even know how long I had been walking, and I shouldn't of, Dinky was supposed to be born any day. I guess a sorrowful mare makes stupid mistakes. I was so distraught that I let out a scream... and then the rocks fell."

The other six let out a gasp at the sound of that.

"Fortunately, I managed to protect my precious little muffin with my backside... at the cost of my head and some nerves. By all rights I should have been knocked unconscious, but I wasn't about ready to let anything strike my belly. I can still remember it, twelve large rocks hit me in the back of the head, and one giant one landed on my back, trying to crush me."

"So you just flipped it off like you did today, right?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"No," Derpy said with a shake of her head. "I didn't have the strength. I could only keep it from crushing me all the while fighting unconsciousness."

"How'd you and Dinky survive?" Fluttershy asked, trembling from the tension in the story.

"My cousin gathered up some other pegusi and searched the countryside for me and found me near nighttime and carried me back home. My cousin chewed me out for how stupid I was, she had every right to, I could have gotten Dinky killed. She helped me still of course through the rest of the pregnancy, but did speak to or acknowledge me, unless it was related to the unborn foal, until after Dinky was born. So I know somewhat of what that colt's been through, and I paid a price. Would you believe I used to be a self-conscious little filly with a love of fashion?"

Rarity shook her head, but dared not say anything lest she offend the poor mare.

"It's true," Derpy said, pulling a few pictures out of her mane. Upon seeing she had the wrong ones, she put them back and pulled out another set. "Here, see for yourself."

Rarity had to see this for herself. With just one glance she let out a gasp of shock. "My word. You look absolutely fabulous, Derpy. Someone should level that horrid trail for destroying such a marvelous diva."

Derpy blushed. "I wouldn't go that far."

"Nonsense, I'm filing a petition as soon as I get home to make that path safer," Rarity fumed.

"But, it's fun," Derpy said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"Fun? It destroyed a fashionista such as yourself. It killed that poor colt's parents, and who knows how many others over the years."

Derpy hung her head in defeat. "Let's just see if the colt is alright."

Twilight nodded. "An excellent idea. Come on girls, let's..."

"That won't be necessary," said unicorn mare behind her. They turned their attention to her and noticed she didn't have the happiest of expressions on her face. They swallowed hard as their mouths went dry.

"He... he's not...?" Derpy began feeling tears come to her eyes.

"He'll live," the doctor said. They all let out a sigh of relief, which died in their lungs when they heard the rest of what the doctor had to say. "His injuries were quite severe, and we had to amputate two legs and both his wings."

Rainbow Dash suddenly grabbed her wings in a tight hug. "I'm with you, Rarity. Let's destroy Widow's Walk."

"Y-you mean now he's an orphan and disabled?" Derpy asked in horror.

"He was already disabled," the doctor said, receiving a few questioning looks. "One of the orderlies recognized him from a visit a few days ago. Seems he has what's known as infantile autism. Atop being without food or water for at least two days, he's in pretty bad shape."

"He was trapped in that rock pile for two days?" Pinkie gasped in horror. "This is going to take a special glad-you're-better-it's-going-to-be-alright-ponies-will-still-love-you party."

"I would advise against that for at least a week or two," the mare said with a roll of her eyes at Pinkie's horrified enthusiasm. It was so hard to tell what was going on inside that pink mare's head.

"Seriously, Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash asked. "He just lost his parents, half his legs, both his wings, and all you want to do is throw him a party?"

Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash an annoyed look. "So you want to treat him like he's made of glass and remind him of his sorrows and not do your best to cheer him and treat him like friend?"

Rainbow Dash almost swallowed her tongue. "Erm, no... that's not... what I thought you meant was... well..."

"Another thing, the doctor said, clearing her throat. "We've checked with the local orphanage and foster homes. None have any room to support another foal. Much less one who might never adopted do to being... and I hate this term... broken goods."

Compassion is not Pity

"Let me get this straight," Amethyst said, helping her mother put clean sheets on a small bed they put into Dinky's room. "You agreed to housing some random colt until a space opens in the orphanage?"

Derpy thought it slightly odd that Amethyst would just bring this up out of the blue nine days after she had come home with the news. He was been at the hospital all this time being monitored for any other injuries, receiving some grief counselling, and a little physical therapy to help him adjust to his new balance. "Yes, I did. But don't worry, the town treasury has contingencies for this kind of thing. They'll supply all the financing that goes into his feeding and care, so all we need to do is make sure he's comfortable and help him adjust to a new life."

"But a pegasus losing his wings, that's almost like a unicorn losing their horn," Amethyst said, rubbing her own horn tenderly. "He might as well be an earth pony."

Derpy gave her daughter a glare. "There's nothing wrong with earth ponies. Incredible strength and practical wisdom are nothing to sneeze at."

Amethyst wilted a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound racist. But this colt you suddenly decided to take pity on only has two legs, and is going to need constant supervision to make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

Derpy began putting the blankets on the bed. "It wasn't pity, it was compassion."

"What's the difference?" Amethyst asked while she slipped pillow cases over the feather pillows.

Derpy let out an exasperated sigh. "Pity is a feeling of regretful sorrow projected upon somepony else, compassion is a form of loving mercy towards somepony in hard times. Like with you, it wasn't pity that made me adopt you, it was compassion. I saw how sisterly you were to Dinky, and I saw how miserable you were going back to that orphanage every night. giving into pity can bring you pleasure, but compassion can bring you joy in the most unexpected ways."

Amethyst blushed when her mother pulled her into a hug.

"Remember that day I adopted you?"

Amethyst did. It was only a few years ago. It was Dinky's birthday, and she had bought her stuffed pink elephant from the candy store owned by the sisters Lyra and Bonbon. Dinky had many stuffed animals, but not a single elephant. She wrapped it herself in a fashion that would have made Rarity faint, but she didn't think it mattered as Dinky loved to rip the paper to shreds. It was just a little party, with some gifts sent from Dinky's grand parents and uncle, but there didn't appear to anything from Derpy. After some cake and ice cream, Dinky opened all her gifts hugging Amethyst after finding the elephant. Then Derpy had left the room to go get her gift for Dinky. Amethyst and Dinky played with the elephant while they waited for Derpy to return. She returned with a piece of paper in her mouth, but instead of giving it to Dinky, she gave it to Amethyst. After reading the adoption papers several times, she couldn't stop crying for two hours.

"Took Dinky months before she'd stop telling everypony she met I was her new sister," chuckled Amethyst. "So how should we go about the colt's first day here?"

Derpy broke the hug and smoothed out the blankets. "Don't handle him too much, don't stare at his scars, help only when it looks like he really needs it, and talk to him, even if he doesn't respond. Being autistic, it'll take a while for him to get comfortable around new ponies, so don't try and force it, and he'll not display most of his emotions. Oh, yes... and routine, he'll develop a routine over time and we'll need to do our best not to disrupt it too much."

Amethyst was about to ask how her mother knew so much about autism, but a new voice cut her off.

"I still don't see why it has to be colt," Dinky sulked in the doorway.

Derpy walked over to Dinky's side and gently picked her up in her hooves. "Because he needed someplace to stay and I took it upon myself as I've already got two wonderful daughters who can help keep an eye on him."

Dinky wasn't convinced. "But colts are icky."

"Says the little filly who used to put toads in her mouth," Derpy laughed then nuzzled her cheek. "You will be on your best behavior, right?"

Dinky, still scowling, nodded.

"And you won't do anything to make him feel unwelcome either?"

Dinky nodded again.

"I'm going to have to trust you on that," Derpy said, putting her daughter back upon the floor and heading off to the kitchen to check on dinner. "I took the day off from work so I could help you girls for when I'm not around."

"Do you think he'll still be here around the time of the family reunion?" Amethyst asked, levitating Dinky onto her back and trotting after their mother.

Derpy paused with a tray of stuffed peppers halfway out of the oven. She didn't know a conclusive answer to that. If she said yes, it might sound as though she didn't believe there was much hope him. If she said no, it might sound like she couldn't wait for him to be shipped off into the government facilities. She decided to stick with a safe answer. "I... don't know. If he is, we'll make do. If he isn't, well, I hope he gets a good home and loving family."

"I don't know about that," Amethyst said as she set Dinky down at the table. "Back at the orphanage, the foals they labeled broken goods were moved around a lot, not staying in one place too long. They said it was so that prospective parents wouldn't be dissuaded when they saw them."

Derpy grunted in agitation. "That's just sick. It would be kinder to just throw them in garbage bins. Broken goods my... what a vile term to label a foal... or anypony for that matter."

"Ponies only want the cute low maintenance ones," Amethyst said, looking at her left hoof as though it were interesting.

"Civilization's just full of the most uncivilized creatures," Derpy muttered as she placed the tray on the table and glanced at the clock. "Six twenty. They should be here soon. Don't eat anything yet, girls. It would be rude to our guest."

"But we're hungry," Amethyst pouted comically, making Dinky giggle.

Derpy laughed as well, seeing Amethyst's attempts to lighten the mood. Then the door bell rang and Derpy trotted to the door and quickly composed herself as much as possible before opening it.

"Hello?"

Outside were a stallion and mare, nondescript and professional looking. in between them was a wheelchair with the colt curled up on top of it. Now properly cleaned off and his wounds treated, she could see that he was slightly smaller than Dinky, had a walnut brown coat with a gray mane and tail, and on his flank was a cutie mark of a cog pierced through with a winged sword. Derpy marveled at such an early bloomer. She also noted how he was laying on his left side to hide his missing legs, and he appeared to be staring off into nowhere.

"We're here to deliver the patient ma'am," the stallion said in a stoic voice.

The mare then stepped forward with a clipboard and quill. "Sign here, it's a document stating that you are this colt's, one Heavenly Conquest's temporary guardian under government jurisdiction. It's also made clear that the funds provided on a weekly basis are to be used specifically to for his welfare, any attempt to use the funds provided for personal endeavors will be punished under the Foal Protection Act, Article 33. Is that made clear Mrs. Doo?"

"Yes, it is," Derpy said, taking the quil in her mouth and signing on the dotted line.

"Good," the mare said in a flat voice. "The regency has also provided a few affects to entertain and educate your new ward."

"Those came this morning," Derpy said, doing her best to look the mare right in the eye.

"Very good, ma'am," the stallion said nudging the wheelchair closer to Derpy. "He's your responsibility now. Any breach of the guardian contract will be dealt with immediately."

"I understand," Derpy said, reaching out and bringing the wheelchair closer.

"A public official will stop by once a month to check up on you," the mare warned her.

"Okay," Derpy said with a nod. "I hereby fully take responsibility for this colt's welfare as his temporary guardian until such time as an opening in an orphanage or adoptive parents claim. I also hereby submit to the letter and spirit of the law, that states: under no conditions am I to abuse the Treasury Department's trust, nor willfully allow or bring harm to this colt's being, as stated under the Foal Protection Act of 515 AB, Articles 12 through 22, nor rob him of any benefits granted unto him as stated in Articles 27 through 45. Now is there anything else I am missing?"

The stallion and mare stared wide-eyed and opened mouthed at Derpy's legal dictation.

"Hello?" Derpy asked, waving her hoof in front of their eyes. There was no response. "Okay, goodbye."

She pushed the wheelchair inside and closed the door. The two stunned ponies recovered themselves a couple minutes later, still unable to believe that a funny-looking mare like her could be so fluent in law.

"Silly ponies," Derpy said to herself as she gently pushed the wheelchair into the dining room. She smiled at the girls as they came to take a look at their houseguest. "Amethyst, Dinky, say hello to Heavenly Conquest. Though being a colt, I'm sure he prefers just Conquest."

Amethyst brought her head close and looked him over with a scrutinizing eye. She noted the scars on his back and the way he was laying on his left side, hiding his missing limbs. His eyes were still staring off into nothingness. "Is he in shock or something? He almost looks dead."

"Oh don't worry," Derpy said with a dismissive wave. "He knows exactly what's going on around him. So, what do you think, Dinky?"

Dinky put her hooves up on the edge of the wheelchair and gave him a critical onceover before grunting. "He's small."

"Dinky, that wasn't very nice," Amethyst reprimanded her little sister. Derpy also gave the little a stern look, which Dinky lowered her head under.

"But true."

Both mares and the filly looked down at the colt who was awkwardly getting himself up into a seated position. Now they could clearly see the amputation scar where his left legs used to be, along with a few others. He held his head at an awkward angle not looking at any of them.

Derpy slipped around to the front of the wheelchair, and gave him a sympathetic look. "So, Conquest, I just want to say, I'm terribly sorry about what happened to your parents. I know a little bit about losing somepony you love. So if you ever need somepony to talk to or just be close to, all you have to do is ask."

"Doctors talk," Conquest said, still not looking at her, but changed the angle of his head. "Talk too much."

"Well, if you feel like crying, we're here to comfort you," Derpy said with a cheery smile. "No questions asked. I want you to feel at home."

"Stallions don't cry," the colt said firmly.

Derpy sighed. She could see an emotional dam building up. "That's not true, Conquest. If you keep bottling those feelings up inside it'll just hurt more later. But I won't try and force you. You can come to me when you ready."

"I smell food," the colt said.

That steered the conversation in his desired direction.

"Oh, yes," Derpy said, getting up to push the wheelchair, but the colt slid off of it and awkwardly tried to stand up, a pained look on his face. After a couple attempts, Amethyst tried to help him, but Derpy stopped her and shook her head.

She slowly stepped up to his said and looked down at him. "Conquest, can you look me in the eye?"

The colt stopped his struggling and did as he was told. Though he found it hard, and had to twist his head a bit to get a semi-proper view. He awaited what she would say next.

"Would you like some help to the dining room?" Derpy asked calmly.

Conquest looked down at the floor for a moment and then nodded.

"Okay, then, here we go."

Derpy used a hoof to help push him up into a standing position and then stood close by his side so he could lean on her as they made their way into the dining room. She also had Amethyst fetch another box for their guest to sit on like Dinky.

Once they were all seated, Amethyst leaned towards Derpy and whispered, "he see's to be taking this very well."

"No he's not," Derpy whispered back. "The doctors try and distance themselves from the patients, so he feels that's how he needs to act. He's never had to deal with this kind of grief before, so he's mimicking the ponies he's been around recently. He thinks that's how he's supposed to act. After nine days in that place, I figure tomorrow morning at the earliest and Thursday at the latest he'll break down and need somepony their to comfort him and listen to all his troubles."

"What if you're at work?" Amethyst asked, now feeling a little uncomfortable now.

Derpy put a hoof on her shoulder. "Than I expect you treat him respectfully and as a friend. Just to him, and give him a hug in needs it. Though I suspect it'll most likely happen sometime when Dinky isn't around. Colt's hate to cry in front of ponies their own age."

"That's because foals his age are rather cruel teasers," Amethyst said, memories of her earlier coming to mind.

"Maybe so," Derpy said as she took a bite of a pepper, "but you will do as a I ask right?"

"Yes, I will."

Making a List and Checking It... TWILIGHT!!

Derpy flapped with quickened haste through the sky, wanting to hurry with her deliveries so she could head back home and help her daughters adjust to their guest and her guest to her daughters. She would have loved to stay at home today to help them, but work was inevitable, plus it would help her gauge a few things for herself.

Last night was pretty uneventful. Conquest insisted (though not verbally) multiple times on trying to move himself, but his legs weren't all that strong, and Derpy had gladly aided him whenever he conceded to his fate and took him on a tour of the house. She had Amethyst tag along so that she would know what to do while she was at work. She only hoped that Amethyst had the patience.

Then there was Dinky. She wasn't thrilled with there being a colt in the house, to which Derpy would roll her eyes. Foals were so segregated. Dinky hadn't said anything to Conquest after her comment at him being small, only glowering at him the rest of the night, then pouted a little bit a bedtime when she saw Derpy help the colt into the bed placed in her room. Derpy also read them a story, and since Conquest was a guest, had asked him what story he would like. But he didn't answer, so she chose one she thought both Dinky and he would enjoy. Neither appeared to pay attention.

Derpy arched herself towards the ground near Sweet Apple Acres, coming to a stop in front of the slightly red, mostly rusty mailbox. She sorted through her banded bundles of letters and found several for the Apple family. With flick of her wing, she opened the mailbox and a yellow filly with a red mane and a big bow fell out.

"Aaaah."

Derpy blinked a couple of times at Applebloom as she rose up off the ground and rubbed her head with a hoof while giving her an embarrassed smile. Derpy just patted her on the head and handed her the letters.

"Silly filly," she said with a giggle, "I'm not allowed to ship animals or ponies. Besides, you don't even have a stamp."

Applebloom help up a folded piece of paper to Derpy. "Actually, my big sis' asked me tah give this to ya. Said yo're havin' a family reunion sometime soon an' that ya could use some help settin' it up."

Derpy took the paper and scanned for a minute. "But-but, all I wanted was some advice, not a whole catering service. I can't afford a fifth of what's on this list."

Applebloom was curious as to how Derpy could read with those eyes.

"I'm sorry, but you'll just have to tell your sister that it's simply not feasible," Derpy said with a sigh, handing the paper back to Applebloom. "Tell her: 'thank you, but I cannot afford something of such extravagance'. Bye, see you tomorrow, maybe, Applebloom."

Applebloom watched as Derpy took off. She shrugged, putting the letters in her mouth and trotting her way back to deliver the mail. It seemed odd to her. Shouldn't Applejack know that one of her friends didn't have the budget for such a thing? Oh well, as soon as she delivered the mail she'd go find Scootaloo and go crusading.

Derpy on the other hand just tried to push the idea of an amazing reunion out of her head. It didn't do her well to have a reminder of her low income. She just wanted the knowledge that she was doing well enough for herself and her daughters. Conquest was getting finances from the regency, so he was covered just fine. It would be her only reunion, since a different family member was chosen every year, and surely she couldn't make the worst.

Before she knew it, lost in her thoughts, she arrived at Rarity's boutique and was instinctively trying to put the letters through the mail slot on the door. Instead, poor sweetie Belle got a mouth full of paper.

"Sorry," an embarrassed Derpy said after the filly spat out the letters all over her. "I was lost in thought."

Sweetie Belle shrugged as she gathered up the letters. "I was just on my way to go crusading with Applebloom and Scootaloo. But it's nice to meet see you today, Miss Doo."

"You too little, filly," Derpy said with a smile.

"Oh, yeah," Sweetie Belle suddenly piped up. "Miss Doo."

Derpy practically fell on her face when she paused her take off to look back at the little filly. "Ow! Yes?"

"My sister has been saying you're supposed to drop off some dresses for her to fix."

"Oh. I forgot about that," Derpy said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "She did mention something about a discount. How late is she open?"

"As long as she's not on some random adventure? Till about seven o'clock. But if you knock hard enough you could get her midnight."

Derpy laughed a bit at that last part, not noticing Sweetie Belle's serious expression. "I suppose I can drop them off later this week. I won't be needing them too soon, but better soon or else I might forget. Thanks for the reminder, Sweetie."

"Any time," Sweetie said, marching back inside to put the mail on a table.

Along Derpy went, glad for the reminder. Rarity was a generous soul, she wouldn't charge anything outside her budget. She was quite famous for that trait. Derpy continued the rest of the day delivering letters and packages across her area of Equestria until she came again to Twilight's castle. It was always the final stop on her route, even when it was just the library.

She was paying attention this time and found Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie waiting there for her. She just landed near them and gave twilight her rather hefty package of mail, and turned to leave.

"Now, hold on there, surgarcube," Applejack said, taking hold of her left foreleg. "I've been waitin' here with Twilight for a few hours. cause I need to talk with ya."

"You know route?" Derpy asked, considering that for a moment. "Well, what did you want to talk about? I've got time now. This is my last stop."

"Well this mornin'," Applejack started with a puzzled look on her face, "Applebloom came to me an' said you didn't want me to cater yer reunion. I thought you would be thrilled and all."

"It's not that I don't appreciate it, Applejack," Derpy said in a soft voice. "It's just that, I can't afford it. I make just enough for my daughters and myself. Holiday bonuses help us as well, but beyond that I can't really afford all that much. So I cannot accept your offer."

"But Derpy, you don't understand," Twilight said with a chuckle. "I'm offering to pay for it. I guess you forgot to mention that to Applebloom, eh, Applejack."

"Darn it, knew I fergot somethin'."

Derpy shook her head resolutely. "I don't accept charity."

"So now that that's all cleared up, we can- WHAT?" Twilight flared up her wings and jumped in surprise. This frightened Derpy a bit and she backed away a few steps.

"I don't accept charity," she said again, though softer this time with a little tremor.

"But, Derpy, you have about four hundred relatives coming over," Twilight reasoned with wide eyes. "If you hardly have enough for your little family, how can you hope to afford everything else?"

Derpy looked at the ground. "I can find a way. I always have. I've survived many things, Princess. I'll find a way to do this. I've still got a month and a few weeks. I can..."

"Listen to yourself, Derpy," Twilight said, stepping forward and placing a hoof on her shoulder. She swallowed a bit when she felt her tremble under her touch. "You're not thinking straight. There is no way you can afford to do this by yourself."

"But... but," Derpy tried to say something, but it wasn't coming out right.

"Yer lettin' pride take hold," Applejack said, sitting down and giving Derpy a kind smile. "I know from experience that it ain't worth it. Now then, the Princess of Friendship herself has offered her help, an' you're rejecting that?"

"But... it's just, how can I face my family?" Derpy said, tears starting to form in her eyes. "I've done everything for my daughters as best I could. I've never let them down. I've never once had any outside help. I just don't want them to think I've failed. I don't want to fail."

Twilight pulled her into a hug. "This isn't failure, Derpy. You've proven yourself more than a capable mother, and have even had the compassion to take in an orphan I need. If anything, you've proven that you're a champion amongst mares. Even I don't think I could handle all those kids with such a small budget... Derpy, just let us help you. Let us help you give your family a reunion worthy of the Doo clan."

"But, I don't want to take advantage of..."

"Enough," Twilight said, putting a hoof to Derpy's mouth. "I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime. Take it, because it would sadden me more to see you unhappy than something as trivial as money being spent. That's what it's there for."

Derpy seemed frozen for a moment. then, with a low sob, she lunged forward and hugged the princess in a tight grip, resting her head on her lavender shoulder. "Th-th-thank you, Prin... T-Twilight. I'll never forget this."

Twilight embraced her with her wings and then gently broke the hug. "Good. Now I've already got a partial list made, but I need your input on some of the finer details so I can make double and triple checklists."

Applejack took off her aht and fanned herself with it. "Sit tight, Derpy. This'll take a while."

His Heavenly Conquest

Who knew that there could be a double checklist for the double checklist of the triple checklist. How did that even make sense? But at least it was out of the way and she could now go home to be with her family. An hour later than normal, and she had tried so hard to get done an hour early. The stop with Twilight and Applejack, though appreciated, really messed with her schedule.

Inside, she was met with the aroma of Amethyst's cooking. It was an agreement they had, if Derpy was ever running late, Amethyst was to cook dinner. Derpy remembered with fondness and horror the first time, after which she taught her daughter how to cook. She was still confused as to how somepony could burn water. Amethyst just didn't know what went wrong.

Still no master chef, Amethyst was quietly stirring the... pasta? All the while humming to herself. Her eyes were practically welded to the pan, watching carefully for any signs of burning or smoke. Close by was a pitcher of water to douse any flames, and filled with ice to help keep it from mysteriously burning.

Derpy immediately went to her room to wash up and hang her uniform. Not seeing Dinky or their guest along the way. They were probably in the living room. But she went and looked for them anyway after she was done cleaning up.

They were, as he had thought, in the living room. Dinky was playing with a couple small dolls, and Conquest was reading large book with a small wooden sword (from the supplies the regency sent over) laying close enough to grab with his mouth. He was still as expressionless and void of emotion as the previous evening. But Mrs. Doo, caring mother and knower of ponies because she knew the kind of mail they received, knew better than to believe this façade.

She gave Dinky an enthusiastic greeting, kissing her forehead and ruffling her mane fondly. "You have a good day, muffin?"

"Yes, mommy," Dinky said with a smile, gripping her leg in a hug.

"And how has our guest been?" Derpy asked, indicating Conquest with a tilt of her head.

Dinky's smile faded and she rolled her eyes. "He's done nothing but play with that sword and read books."

"Boys love swords," Derpy laughed, giving her another kiss. "And what's wrong with reading books?"

"There not even good books," Dinky said while pointing.

Derpy squinted her eyes and took a closer look. That wasn't a book foals usually read. It was no.7 of her Encyclopedia Celestia. Close by were the other six volumes, and there were still thirteen more to read. He was also close to finishing his current volume. The more exciting and acclaimed novels and comic books were untouched. She had met intuitive foals before, but not at this level.

Giving her small daughter another pat on the head, she made her way over to the colt and cleared her throat before speaking.

"Conquest, could you listen to me for a moment?" Derpy asked in a soft tone. He didn't seem to respond, but all he needed was patience. "Please nod if your listening."

Conquest nodded slowly, still reading his book.

Derpy smiled and sat down beside him, calm and not making any fast moves that might make him nervous. "I just want to know how your day was. Are you feeling well?"

"Your house smells better than hospital," he said flatly, not taking his eyes off the book.

"Thank you," Derpy chuckled, happy for the compliment. "Are you feeling well?"

Conquest managed to wiggle his stubs a bit, causing Derpy to grimace. Other than that, he didn't answer.

"Are you... balancing better today?"

Conquest didn't answer for a moment, then just nodded.

"Do you need any lotion for your scars?" Derpy asked with some concern.

An expression appeared on the colt's face, one of conflict, as though he was unsure of what to say. Then he settled on shaking his head.

"They itch, don't they?" Derpy more stated than asked. She knew he was merely trying not to be a bother. He didn't seem to accept the fact that she was here to help. "We don't want you uncomfortable, we're here to help. It won't be any bother at all."

There was another long pause, then, with some nervousness, he nodded. "O...o...okay."

Derpy softly smiled and got up to retrieve the lotion. Upon returning, she spotted Dinky heading for the kitchen and Conquest was closer to the end of his book. She squeezed some of the purplish, soothing lotion onto her right hoof she spoke to him softly. "Now, I'm just going to rub this onto the scars, no need to panic, I'll be as fast as possible."

Conquest closed his eyes and pushed the book away. He took deep breath when he felt the cold gel being spread over his scars, closing his eyes tightly, trying think of something else. Admittedly, it felt good, but the texture repulsed him.

Derpy ran her hoof over both his stubs as gently as she could, making sure to rub it in. Then she moved to the wings. They almost made her shudder, but she suppressed the urge so as not to scare him. There were a couple slight bumps where the bones and connecting tendons had been surgically removed, and then had healed over as small lumps you would only notice if you touched them. She put extra care to those scars, knowing it must pain the colt terribly to lose his wings.

When she was done, she gave him a light pat on his head, which his expression told her that he did not enjoy. Derpy sighed wearily and slid the book back into his hoof for him and got up to walk away.

"Th... thank you."

The colt was so quiet that Derpy almost didn't hear him. "You're very welcome, Conquest," she said with a jovial smile.

"Dinner's ready," Amethyst called out from the kitchen.

Derpy turned back and stood by the colt's side. "Do you need help to the table?"

Conquest didn't answer, but instead tried to push himself up, managing a few inches before collapsing.

"Maybe you just need a little help," Derpy said, gently placing a hoof under his left side and easing him up. He seemed upset about it, but didn't refuse the help. Derpy let go, but kept her hoof outstretched to catch him if he fell. And sure enough he did. But she caught him.

It took a while before they reached the table, Derpy walking beside Conquest to catch him when he fell. Then she helped him onto the box and took her own seat. She stared down in confusion at what appeared to be a casserole when just a little while ago it looked like pasta; when she took a bite, she found it tasted like chili. At least Amethyst knew how to make PB&J.

there was silence for as while, then Dinky asked a question.

"Conquest, how did you get your cutie mark?"

Amethyst and Derpy stopped eating for a moment and watched as the colt gently laid his fork and looked at his hoof in embarrassment. "Born with it."

Derpy chuckled. "Silly, no pony is just born with a cutie mark."

"Birth certificate said so," the colt interjected, clearly uncomfortable with even that small disagreement.

Derpy was silent for a moment, tapping her chin thoughtfully. Could that be possible to be born with a cutie mark? Wouldn't that be confusing since you could only guess what your special talent was?

"Who's Birth Certificate?" Dinky asked, puzzled by such an odd sounding name.

Amethyst burst out laughing. Derpy laughed too, and gave Dinky a little hug.

"A birth certificate, Dinky," she explained, "is a piece of paper that tells all about you when your born. It's not a name. Well, maybe somewhere else outside my mail route."

Dinky was clearly embarrassed, covering her face with her little hooves. Conquest was even heard to give a couple chuckles. Though he quickly became quiet and turned back to eating. But Dinky wasn't finished just yet.

"So, what's your special talent?"

Conquest sighed and put his fork down yet again. he gave a mental prayer for it all to be over soon so he could eat. He grabbed his napkin and began, awkwardly, folding it. The Doos all watched curiously unsure what he was doing. Soon enough he was done and held it up in his hoof. The Doos all made sounds of amusement.

It looked just like a butterfly. Save for the colors. But that wasn't all. With a quick flick of his wrist he threw it.

Derpy, thinking he was upset and throwing it away, dove to catch it. She wound up on the floor with nothing in her hooves. Cries of amazement made her look up. She gasped herself at the sight.

The paper butterfly was flying, or gliding. Derpy preferred "falling with style". It was incredible. Like a kite, except there was no wind indoors, and it moved rather than hung in the air. it made a circle around the table and landed back in Conquest's hoof. He had a broad smile on his face. Derpy's heart lifted with that first look of happiness on the colt's face. Then she braced herself for what she knew would come next.

"I make things fly," Conquest said proudly. "Made and colored many for mother all... the... time... w-when..."

Derpy was quickly at his side, pulling him close to her chest as he began to burst into retching tears. It had begun. This would be no piece of muffin.

Author's Notes:

Another short chapter for you all today.
Even though we've been off long enough to do better. Honestly, we are horrible procrastinators.

Darkness

Conquest pressed one ear against Derpy's chest while covering his other ear with his remaining forehoof, all the while repeating to himself: "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop..." on and on. Tears poured from his eyes as he sobbed in his broken voice, visibly shaking inside of Derpy's loose embrace, not minding that he was in physical contact with some mare he barely knew. The emotions and memories he had been suppressing since his parents deaths now flooding his brain.

Derpy made sure her hold was firm, but more surrounding the colt than an actual embrace, while making comforting sounds. She then turned her attention towards Dinky and amethyst, who looked at the colt in bewilderment, not having seen an emotion from him since he had arrived. Derpy signaled them with her head to leave the room fir a while. With a clattering of dishes, Amethyst, ever practical, filled Dinky's and her plates and then levitated them in front of her as they left the room.

Now left alone, Derpy looked back down at the weeping colt, cooing softly to try and calm him. "It's good to cry, stallions can cry, you can let it all out now. No pony will judge you here." Derpy looked at the paper butterfly for a moment, he had actually made it fly, no magic or propellers like Pinkie used, he just threw it.

"...stop," Conquest said one final time, giving a sniff and a shudder. He pushed himself away from Derpy, feeling her give way to his efforts, but still keep a hoof on his shoulder to keep him from falling off his box. her rubbed the ear he had placed against Derpy, as though trying to rub out the sensation.

"Tell me about them," Derpy said softly, putting on a small smile. "Your parents, I want to know."

"Dead," Conquest said bluntly.

Derpy blinked, but never lost her smile. "Tell me about your favorite times with them. Tell me..."

Conquest started shaking his head vigorously and saying "stop" over and over, again. A few more tears staining his face.

"Stop what?" Derpy asked, concerned.

"They hurt," he cried out. Looking accusingly at nothing in particular. "I don't want to remember. It hurts."

"I know it does," Derpy said, shedding a few tears of her own. "I lost my husband just a little while before Dinky was born. But it's wrong to just try and forget, embrace those good times and hold them close to your heart... or else you might lose them forever."

Conquest sniffed a little more and looked at the ground a for a moment. Derpy remained still, watching him carefully. "You saved my life."

Derpy was taken aback by the question. It was not what she thought he was going to say. "Do you remember?"

Conquest ignored her question. "Why?"

Derpy's face face became very serious and her tone strengthened. "Because I refuse to let harm come to any innocent pony, or other sentient creature of this world as long as I can do something to help them. My husband was in the Royal Guard, and he taught me the meaning of sacrifice... to the bitter end."

Silence fell again.

"He died?" Conquest asked, breaking the silence.

Derpy nodded. "In service to Celestia (Luna wasn't back then), to his country, and to his family. I talk to a picture of him by my bed every night, remembering as best I can everything we did together. The good and the bad, and how that bad resolved and became good again. These are things you should only have to learn when your older, but, I can see that you need to learn it now."

"I learned to make things fly while mom preened m-my... wings," he started in a quivering voice while looking back at the scars where they used to be. "She w-would explain the importance of-of the different feathers and their p-purpose. So I found I could shape, paper and other materials the same way. Dad said I could do it because I saw the world different from other ponies, said it made me more special than my cutie mark."

Derpy smiled broadly. "That's amazing, so you learned to make things fly just by listening to your mother? Usually foals learn not to do something when listening to their mothers. Interesting. So you can make things other than butterflies?"

Conquest nodded with a faraway look in his eyes. "I would fall asleep at night after being preened. I... I loved it so much... n-now I'll never be preened by her, or any pony else ever again."

Derpy let her smile fade, wanting to let the colt cry, ready to comfort him. But instead he seemed to start getting mad. He began to shake and blood filled his face. Worried, she leaned in close to make sure he knew she was there.

"They were always there for me," Conquest seethed in a low voice. "Mom comforted and held me, dad taught and protected me, but the rest of my family wanted me gone."

Derpy perked up her ears at that. He had more family elsewhere? Why hadn't the hospital contacted them?

Conquest continued. "They didn't want a 'retarded' foal ruining the family name. If all I could do was fold paper and act funny, I had no place with them. They were the reason dad decided we should vacation out here. Why we went on that hike. Why... why they died, and left me alone."

Derpy noticed his voice starting to quiver. She inched closer placed her other hoof gently on his other shoulder.

"They came to the hospital, to see me," Conquest said, flinching a little under Derpy's touch, but allowing it anyway. "Said 'I wasn't worth it' and then left. They didn't even let me go to the funeral. I don't know where my mom and dad ere buried. I so miss them, I-I... I want them back. I'll g-give my other legs if I could.... if I could just have one more day with them."

Derpy pulled him into a hug as he started crying again. Now she had some answers, for more than she really wanted. How could anyone just abandon a relative, especially one so young and in need? She believed in the sanctity of life, and it stung her deeply to know someponies would do such a terrible thing.

Conquest turned and buried his face into the crook of her foreleg. "One day, I'm going to destroy them all for what they did."

Derpy opened her eyes wide at that statement and looked down at him, opening her mouth to say something, but then closed it with a nasal sigh. If he truly had his mind set on this, then there would be no way to stop him. "You'll need more practice with that sword of yours."

Author's Notes:

And He separated the darkness from the light...

No April fool joke for those who were expecting it... or maybe that was the joke

P.S. Who loves these emojis?

Missing Discord and Luna though

Derpy's Dirk

"But how can that be legal?" Derpy almost demanded at the last stop of her route. Twilight was getting tons of letters now that she was a princess. "Why would someone disown a child?"

She was actually sitting inside around a small coffee table with Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie, sipping tea. Although Pinkie was sipping chocolate milk she had gotten from somewhere. Applejack looked just as upset as Derpy over this subject, but she kept quiet to let Twilight explain it. Pinkie also bore a small scowl.

"Think about it, Derpy," Twilight said with a sigh, pouring herself more tea. "Would you want him to stay with ponies who want to get rid of him? Do you think that's a proper environment for a colt to grow up in?"

Derpy looked down at her tea and shook her head slowly. "No."

"Foals learn from ponies older than them," Twilight continued her point. "Would you want him growing up thinking and acting the same way? Or even thinking of himself as worthless?"

"No," Derpy said a bit louder, sniffing a little. "I would not want any foal to go through that. I-I get it now, Princess. I'm sorry I took up your time." She reached out her cup to set it back on the table.

"It's Twilight, Derpy," Twilight said kindly, pouring more tea into Mrs. Doo's cup instead of taking it away. "It's good that you came to me with this question. It really tells a lot about Equestria's less descent citizens. It'll also give you a chance to help him work through his problems."

Derpy managed a smile and took a sip of her tea. Then she remembered something. "Oh, Prince... Twilight, sorry, I was wondering. Are there cases where foals are born with cutie marks?"

That seemed to catch everypony's attention. They looked from Derpy, then back to Twilight, who started thinking it over. After a while and another cup of tea, she nodded slowly.

"Yes," Twilight said in a low, cautious voice. "Although, usually just foals who... don't linger very long after birth. Usually a symbol meaning love or closeness as a family. Because their destinies are to bring a few moments of great love and joy, or bring families together to comfort each other. But that's just the normal, if rare, case. There are some records of such ponies living full lives."

Twilight took another sip of tea. "Did the colt..."

"Conquest," Derpy stated, having just now mentioned his name.

"Now that's a proper name fer a colt," Applejack chuckled. "All the other stallions better watch out when he gets older. A lot of young mares'll fall fer him jes fer the name alone."

"Conquest, then," Twilight said with a smile of her own. "Did he say he was born with his mark?"

Derpy nodded.

"And what did he say his mark meant?"

Derpy smiled and reached into her saddlebags. It was easy to find what she was looking for, since she had delivered all he other letters earlier. She pulled out a new paper butterfly, this one painted and made of better paper, and held it out for all to see.

"A mark for poor origami?" Twilight asked with a nervous smile. She was slightly taken aback when Derpy's smiled widened. She had no idea what was going on.

"Watch this," Derpy said, turning to the side and throwing the butterfly. She heard the other mares gasp when she seemed to be throwing it away. There was another gasp when they saw it fly in a meandering path, Derpy wasn't as good as Conquest with the throwing.

Twilight trotted after the butterfly until it hit a wall and fell gracefully to the floor. She knelt down and examined it with enthusiasm. "He makes things fly? I've never seen anything like. There's no flapping wings to propel it, or gas to hold it up in the air. All it needed was... was thrust."

Derpy almost shrieked when Twilight teleported in front of her with a terrifying grin on her face.

"Do you realize what this is?"

Derpy didn't get a chance to answer.

"You... or rather, Conquest, has found what scholars and scientists have been searching for, for all these years," Twilight said, now jumping with excitement. Pinkie thought that looked fun and started jumping beside her. "Do you know what this means to the scientific community? Oh, I've got to write a letter to Princess Celestia, oh, or I should interview and talk to Conquest first. Yeah. That's it. You must bring him here, I've got so many questions and..."

Derpy, with an emboldened look on her face, put a hoof over Twilight's mouth and shook her head. "He's a living, breathing pony, not a science project, Twilight. Plus, he's autistic, and just throwing a bunch of questions on him while taking him to an unfamiliar environment would probably cause a meltdown."

"We can do it at your house," Pinkie piped up enthusiastically.

If Derpy had taken another sip of her tea she might have done a spit take. "What? My house? But..."

"I still haven't thrown his party yet," Pinkie beamed and bounced, "it'll be just your family, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and me. I'll bring cake, cupcakes, chocolate milk and streamers, lots and lots of streamers. I'll even bring my record of the top three hundred party songs. Ooh, Twilight, do have any comedy reels? Colts love comedies."

"Just wait one minute," Derpy said, trying to get a few words in. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but..."

"But we need to let him know that the worlds has more than just a few good ponies," Pinkie said, placing a hoof on her shoulder, now calmed down a bit. Pinkie was actually more serious than ponies gave her credit for, just over enthusiastic most of the time. "With this party, he'll see that there are plenty of ponies, even a princess cares about him. Do you get it now?"

Everypony's eyes widened a little in amazement at Pinkie's little display of wisdom. Derpy's face broke into a smile as she embraced the pink part pony. "Just don't scare him. He's been through a lot."

"Of course," Pinkie chuckled. "It won't be the biggest, or flashiest party, but it'll be just right. The party he's ever had."

"Ah heck," Apple said with thoughtful flick of her tail. "I'll bring along fritters, and, if you don't mind... do ya think I could bring Applebloom? Ah few more foals his age might let 'im relax an' stop 'im from throwin' a tantrum."

"Meltdown," Derpy corrected her.

Applejack scratched her head. "What's the difference?"

"A tantrum," Derpy began in a matter-of-factly voice, "is what a foal, or very immature pony, throws to get attention. A meltdown is when you force too much too quickly on a pony, especially autistics, and they panic. The best thing to do when a pony has a meltdown is to back away and stop paying attention, giving them space to recollect themselves. With a tantrum, a good spanking and early bedtime without any dessert is a perfect cure."

"Ah didn't know that," Applejack said thoughtfully. "I wonder how many meltdowns Fluttershy has 'ad. I can only imagine."

Derpy looked at the time and got up. "Well, I've got to punch out. See you all..."

"Tomorrow night," Pinkie said cheerfully.

Derpy laughed. "Okay then, I'll warn him. Good-bye."
* * *
Derpy had just set foot inside the post office when she saw her boss standing with a sorry expression on his face and a small package with a red X drawn on top of it set on his back. Derpy groaned rolled her eyes.

"Again? Why can't they ask for somepony else?" Derpy said in an icy voice, walking over and taking the package. "I don't care if I'm back early, I'm getting overtime."

Her boss nodded apologetically. "Of course, Mrs. Doo, I would consider anything else."

"Why can't we just sic the guard on them?" Derpy muttered to herself, turning towards the door.

"We would need proof," her boss said, "and there's just so much postal service workers can do."

The mailmare sighed and stepped out the door, spreading her wings and taking flight towards her least favorite destination.
* * *
The place she went to drop it off was a rather stately club, The Sparrow, with nondescript ponies standing as guards at the doors. She dropped down to the round and confidently approached the doors. One of the ponies put out a hoof to stop her.

"Halt," he said in a tone that meant no funny stuff. "State your business."

The other pony nickered and gave the other guard a light shove. "Ease off, Stone, she's that mailmare that boss has deliver his packages."

The one called Stone laughed a bit. "So, he gets a delivery and some playtime? Now that sounds like a deal."

Both guards were taken aback by a rather ferocious growl that came from Mrs. Doo. "Just get out of my way."

Inside there was loud, raucous music that even make Vinyl Scratch plug her ears in disgust, and mares in risqué attire taking orders and sometimes leading particularly foolish young stallions off to back rooms. Under Celestia's laws, this sort of business was illegal, but with a "no cameras allowed" policy and a lazy guard force that wouldn't do anything unless physical evidence was brought before them, The Sparrow was a business with no end in sight. The guard wouldn't send in an undercover agent to check it out. Derpy suspected payoffs, but again, no proof.

She wove her way through the crowd, avoiding drunken hooves that reach out for her, and giving disapproving glances at the customers and servers. But in the heavy, smoky, drunken air heated by unbridled hormones and matches, no one paid her any serious attention. She reached a hallway guarded by two more stallions, they both recognized her and let her pass without a word. The hall was well vented and had fans turned on constantly to keep the scent and fumes of the club out, and Derpy found herself taking a few deep breaths of the fresher air. Another two guards and another door, and she was inside the bosses office.

Derpy stood in the open doorway, just glaring across the room at the stallion who owned the deplorable business. He was a thin, well dressed unicorn stallion with golden fur and wavy blue hair. The room was full of priceless treasures that he had "obtained" over the years, even the carpet on the floor looked as though it had been lifted from the royal palace itself. A portrait of the same stallion sat on the wall behind him, displaying his ego and wealth to any pony who walked through the door. Derpy was unimpressed.

"Aw, Mrs. Doo, a pleasure as always," the stallion said in a silky voice that might charm a foolish filly, but not a mature mare of Derpy's experience.

She walked to the desk and tossed the package atop it and turned to leave without a word.

"Hold a moment," the stallion said in a playful tone.

Derpy froze. this stallion knew she had a family, and she didn't want to anger him in any way that might cause him feel the need to assert himself. She turned and gave him a blank stare. "What is it, Under Hoof?"

The unicorn smiled at her bold forwardness. He may have been a crook, but this mare had very little fear of him. He used his magic to close the door, causing her to shift into an almost unnoticeable defensive stance. "Don't worry Ditzy, you're much too old for me to do anything untoward towards. You should think about visiting a spa, sometime."

Derpy didn't mind the insults, it meant he felt himself in control, and would have no cause to turn towards threats. "Just tell me what you want."

"I understand you're looking after a colt from the Cloudburst family," Under Hoof said in his silky tone, eliciting a gasp from the mare. "I've recently become aware of this."

Derpy watched as he took the package and dropped it in a trash bin with a hallow thud. He had set up this meeting. There was probably a rock in that box, he wanted get close to her. She readied herself for anything.

"That group of inbred nobles has been refusing my business deals for a long time now, and I was wondering if you could..."

"They abandoned him," Derpy shouted at the unicorn, cutting him off. "They wouldn't even let him go to his parents' funeral. So you can forget about using him as any form of leverage. So forget about it before you commit to anything."

Derpy reached her head back and slid her muzzle under the strap of her saddle bag and pulled out a long, sharp blade. Being a mailmare took her all over the place, including bad neighborhoods, and being no fool, she had purchased a dirk for protection. She may have been wall-eyed, but she knew how to use it. She glared at the unicorn who looked back at her in amusement.

"Must we go through this again," Under Hoof chuckled with a roll of his eyes. It was not the first time she had pulled the dirk on him, and probably wouldn't be the last. But he was of a unicorn master-race perspective and thought himself untouchable by a simple mare. His magic would surely overpower her. "I'll do some checking, and if what you say is true, then I won't ask it again. I just wanted to confirm a few things. But if I find..."

"I'll kill you if you try to use him," Derpy managed to say quite well around the handle of the blade. "If you try to use any foal for your work."

"Whatever," the stallion said, levitating up a bottle and a glass. "I'll see you again sometime, Derpy."

Derpy growled as she put the dirk away. "You don't get to call me that."

The unicorn rolled his eyes as he took a sip of the glass and opened the door for her. "Till next time."

Derpy hurried her pace out of the club, wanting to punch out and go home to her children to recollect her thoughts.

Author's Notes:

Sorry it took so long to update

Hope you enjoy

All the Little Wonders

Derpy put on a brave face for her family, and their guest, her business at The Sparrow had no place for discussion back at home. That was how it had always been, and she never had to tell her daughters about her "delivers" , simply because they figured she just worked late on those days. This day however, she was worried, even though she didn't show it, about Conquest, what that unicorn had said unsettled her to no end. She would die she let him, her daughters, or any foal be used by thugs if she could help it, but she would first take as many crooks down with her even before that.

Under Hoof, arrogant, vain and deeply conceited, making him a very dangerous stallion. But if it meant giving over a foal, she would proudly step over that line and battle it out. She was well aware that running and hiding were legitimate battle strategies, her husband had taught her that, her friend the Doctor had proven it, and she wasn't a stupid pony. A small pegasus mare acting as guardian over three earthbound foals could hardly stand and fight a bunch of brutes. But, again, she would proudly stand as a barricade, fueled by maternal chemicals and love for those under her tender care. Even to the bitterest end.

But these thoughts didn't belong inside her house. She quickly pushed them out before stepping inside. Dinky flew at her with open hoofs for a hug that was readily given. Amethyst was cooking again, and paper gliders of numerous shapes and sizes littered the house.

Derpy laughed at this. "Looks like some little colt was having fun," she called out, hoping Conquest would hear. If he had, he gave no reply, but that was expected. Derpy turned back and nuzzled her little filly with great affection.

"Mommy, you smell funny," Dinky said, wrinkling her nose.

Derpy managed a forced laugh. Knowing the foul stench of The Sparrow probably permeated her coat quite thoroughly. "Just had to deliver some mail to some dirty ponies, Dinky. Some ponies who just can't get clean. Just need a quick shower to wash the stench off."

Tact was the ability to tell a pony to go to Tartarus and make them look forward to the trip, or tell your daughter the truth about visiting a criminal element and making them think you only fell in a puddle. Derpy wasn't a liar, but sometimes she felt her tact was too descriptive all the same.

She put her uniform away took a brief shower with lavender soap to get rid of the smell, and then made sure to leave her dirk within hoofsreach of her bed before heading back out into the dining room. What amethyst had set on the table looked like cereal, smelled like broccoli, but tasted like spaghetti with extra garlic. Despite the deceptiveness, Amethyst's cooking were generally quite good. Although the "Noodle Incident" was still fresh and burning in her memory.

Conquest managed, if a little wobbly, to move himself into the kitchen and actually leap on his box. Derpy clapped her hoofs in approval, eliciting a slight blush from him.

"You're getting stronger, Conquest," Derpy told him confidently with a smile. "Soon I'll be having you run around outside to work off energy. Have your scars been troubling you?"

Conquest looked down at his food and just shook his head before he began to eat. Derpy somehow didn't believe him, but would worry about it after dinner. She turned and ruffled Dinky's mane a little just before starting on her own food.

"I had Roseluck keep an eye on the house today," Amethyst said suddenly in a nervous tone, getting a surprised look from her mother who was no doubt curious as to why. "We were out of ice cream and Dinky really wanted to come along, so I... kind of figured it would just be a few minutes..."

"You left Conquest alone, didn't you?" Derpy asked in an even tone. It was obvious by Amethyst's tone that Roseluck wasn't in the house to watch it, especially since she worked during the day. Just watching a house from the outside was no good.

Amethyst gulped and nodded. She winced when her mother sighed in disappointment.

"I'm not mad," Derpy said flatly. "I trust your judgment, and Roseluck's capability. But, Foal Protection Services, if they ever heard about a colt with disability, namely Heavenly Conquest, being left home alone, there would be trouble. Conquest could wind up under guardianship of the state at a hospital until a place opened elsewhere, and my parenting would be brought into question."

Amethyst felt as though a slap in the face would more appreciated.

"But," Derpy continued with her tone still even, "as I said, I'm not mad, just disappointed. If you had Roseluck in the house, that might be different, but I know that Roseluck is a busy mare." Her tone then changed to a slight quiver. "Please think about this in the future, Amethyst. I don't want my daughters taken from me."

Derpy embraced Dinky to her chest and beckoned Amethyst over into the hug. They remained like that for a minute, Derpy sniffing loudly. When they finally broke, there were couple tears in Amethyst's eyes.

"I'm so sorry mom," she said with a bowed head.

Derpy pointed to Conquest. "You also owe him an apology. You did leave him alone. I know he's quiet and seems to like being alone, but ponies are social creatures. Did you even ask if he wanted to come as well?"

Amethyst shook her head. "I just thought that, since he's autistic and a little weak in the legs that he might not want to."

Derpy turned to Conquest. "Would you have liked to go to the marketplace with Amethyst and Dinky, conquest?"

Conquest stopped eating and looked to the side, avoiding eyes contact.

"Can you look me in the eye, please," Derpy said patiently.

Conquest complied, but still did not answer. He had always found mares unpredictable, scary even at times, especially those in his family. The last thing he wanted to do was get in between two separate mares who appeared to have differing ideas. He had zoned out during most of their conversation until his name was mentioned. He didn't want somepony angry at him.

"Would you have liked to go to the marketplace with Amethyst and Dinky," Derpy asked again with gentle patience.

Conquest lowered his head like a dog expecting punishment. He didn't want any pony mad at him. Derpy almost seemed to read his thoughts.

"No pony's going to be mad at you," Derpy reassured him.

Conquest felt a little more at ease now. He gave a small nod and hurriedly turned back to his food, hoping the conversation would turn towards something else now.

Thank you," Derpy said with a small smile, turning back to Amethyst. "See? Why don't you take him to the park tomorrow? Have a picnic and enjoy the fresh air. For crying out loud, some fresh air and change of scenery would be good for him."

"aaah," Dinky said with a dissatisfactory sound. "But what'll all the other fillies say when they see me hanging out with a colt?"

Derpy and Amethyst gave few giggles at that. Derpy patted her head with a broad smile. "oh, someday you won't mind much, my little muffin. Plus, you'll be grateful to have had a colt to practice being around much later on." She put emphasis on the word "much".

"But he's not even normal," dinky muttered under her breath.

"Ahem," Derpy said firmly, pointing to her own eyes. "Define normal?"

Dinky gulped as she tired to fix what she had said. But her mother put a light hoof on her mouth and shook her head, bidding her be quiet. Dinky complied and went back to eating.

Conquest, though he did not show it, was affected by Dinky's words. His wings were gone along with his right limbs, and plus his mind didn't work like most other ponies', how he must seem like a freak. Perhaps it was a good thing he didn't to the marketplace, maybe he should have shook his head instead of nodding. What must they think of him?

"Oh, I almost forgot," Derpy said, rolling her eyes in self-annoyance at her own forgetfulness. "Pinkie is bringing her friends here for a party for Conquest."

Conquest choked on his food for a moment but managed to get it down and then look at Derpy in shock.

Derpy continued. "It's a Welcome to Ponyville Party just for you, Conquest. So, I want this place spotless at before I get home, since Pinkie never really specified when she'd be around to set it up. But it'll start tomorrow night at some point, and I think some of them are bringing their sisters who are about your age," she nodded at Conquest, "so I suggest you prepare yourself for some attention. They might know of some colts your age, I think some male companions might make you a little more comfortable. You'll definitely impress them with those scars, anyway."

Conqeust was confused now. First a female had made him self-conscious about his missing limbs and feeling like a freak, now a female was telling him that his scars were impressive and that a bunch of other ponies wanted to meet him. Females contradicted each other too much, now he didn't know what to think.

"Mommy, is he broken?" Dinky asked, looking at Conquest's face twist and twitch involuntarily as he lost him self in thought.

Derpy looked at him curiously, not sure what was going on. He didn't appear to be in pain, nor did he appear to be upset. He just looked cute as he did whatever it was he was doing. Colts were weird, but adorable at the same time. A puzzling fact of life, she thought. Why were colts and fillies so different and so equally wonderful at the same time?

"Is mommy broken too?" Dinky turned to Amethyst and asked when her mother's face started to do the same thing.

Amethyst looked between her mother and the colt, continuing their facial aerobics. Why were they doing that? Her mother was silly at times, but this seemed a little odd. And although she had colts doing weird things before, this was beyond anything she could comprehend. What was going on. Did it have anything to do with tomorrow's party?

"I hope it's not contagious," Dinky said to herself with a shiver as she watched her mother, sister and the colt all making the same faces. Why was this happening, what was going on? Was it a disease. The raggedy man in the box sometimes made such faces, but it had never infected anypony else before. She hoped it wasn't deadly. Maybe it was the food. Oh dear, what if it was permanent? She could never show her face in public again.

And so, all four diners remained in silence, grateful later on that the curtains were closed. The Doo family and the colt decided afterwards to never bring up the Dinner Dilemma ever again. Yes, they had called it the Dinner Dilemma, and since it now had a name, it would never be forgotten.
* * *
Derpy yawned as she sat on the edge of her bed, setting her alarm clock lethargically. It had been a day of mental and physical exhaustion. Under Hoof, a party to prepare for, work, getting lost in thought as if it was a virus, and general worry. A mother's job was tiring.

She remained seated on the bed as she looked again at her husband's photo, speaking softly to him. "Just another day, dear, the girls are doing nicely, though I got a little disappointed with Amethyst today. She left Conquest, you know, the colt I'm caring for until a new place opens for him, she left him alone at home. Now, I understand she asked Roseluck to watch the house, but... Foal Protection Services are not so lenient, and I don't want my parenting brought into question. If I were to lose our two girls... I don't know what I would do."

She sniffed a bit and rubbed some sleep from her eyes with a big yawn. "As for Conquest, I wish you were here to see him. I've told you about him before, but, he's so shy, adorable and resilient. He's only been here a little while, and yet he's gotten so strong on his two legs. Dinky has yet to warm up to him, silly filly, and Amethyst seems like she's acting the part of a big sister to him. I think Dinky and Amethyst could really use a brother... but being a mailmare doesn't allow much in the way of money. I hope that, when a spot does open for him elsewhere, that he'll be quickly adopted by a good family that'll teach him to be strong and courageous. The world needs more pleasant ponies, wise mares, strong stallions, lovers and dreamers. But I'm ranting, I'll talk to you again tomorrow night. I still love you so much, my warrior."

Derpy slid a hoof over the picture frame and then crawled under her covers, quickly drifting off to sleep. Barely two minutes later and a sound filled her bedroom that she knew all too well, waking her in an instant and making her look over the foot of her bed with a happy smile on her face.

She was eternally grateful that the Doctor had, somehow, made her room soundproof, or this would have woken up not only the foals, but her neighbors as well. The blue box slowly faded in and out until it was a solid manifestation. She waited, smiling in her bed, until the Doctor strode out with that goofy smile on his face and excitement bursting from his eyes.

"Hello, Ditzy, been too long, you look like you need an adventure," he said slyly, gesturing towards the inside of the TARDIS with comical wave of a hoof. "Will you honor me, Mrs. Doo?"

Derpy practically flew out of the bed and into the Doctor's chest, knocking him back inside with a chuckle. They got up laughing as the doors shut themselves and then rushed to the controls like two foals at recess.

"Where are we going this time, Doc?" Derpy asked, watching as he masterfully threw random switches and pressed buttons. She figured have of them didn't even work, he just liked pressing them. His tan coat and unkempt mane made her imagine danger and excitement, although he was sure to keep her away from most of that since she was a mother.

He looked up with a broad grin as he threw a final switch and the noisy engine started up again. "Somewhere you've never been before, sure, I know, I've taken you allover the universe, but never where we're going now. I've only seen it a couple of time myself. You'll never believe it."

Derpy brimmed with excitement, hurrying to the doors as the engines died down again. "Ooooh, just tell me already. Why must you torment me?"

The doctor patted his controls fondly for a moment before rushing over beside her and throwing open the doors. "Welcome to planet 2897, silly name don't you think? Why not Larry? On the outer regions of the Empire of Harmony."

Derpy gasped at what she saw. Architectural wonders pierced a golden sky watched over by a triangular green sun surrounded by pink and blue stars. The magnificent structures were covered in glorious depictions of ponies and alien beings she had never before seen. In front of the TARDIS was a metal statue of Celestia, Luna and Discord, entitled at the bottom: Emperor Discord, Empress Mother Celestia, and Empress Sister Luna.

The three figures were garbed in beautiful armors, though Discord's was obviously a little chaotic, standing strong and resolute, seeming to peer into the very soul of whomever looked into their eyes. A fountain surrounded the statue, with smaller statues of foals and alien children playing together with the three immortals seeming to dare anyone to try and touch them. Levitating above the status were a series of rings rotating within larger rings.

Derpy could only stop and stare, in complete and utter awe of the seemingly impossible world. Ponies and aliens walked by calmly, seeing it everyday, not truly grasping how utterly incredible their world was in comparison to the one Derpy had just left behind. Metal machines moved along the streets, some even flying overhead, but it was, in the end, all ordinary and dull to those of the future.

"Stay close, Ditzy," the Doctor cautioned her. "It'll be easy to get lost, and in a city this big, you never know what might..."

"Halt right there," a loud voice suddenly boomed out from the crowd. Everyone within hearing distance immediately froze and turned to see who had spoken. A gasp issued through the crowd and they parted way to let someone through.

A clear path opened right towards the TARDIS and it's travelers. The Doctor and Ditzy watched as a diamond dog in a regal blue and white military uniform approached them, flanked by two squads of mixed race soldiers in red armor that covered their entire bodies. They approached the uneasy pair with calm, confident steps.

"You said this wouldn't be dangerous," Derpy whispered in irritation to the Doctor.

"Stay calm, Ditzy," he replied coolly. "We don't know what they want, for all we know, they want us to..."

"Save the entire Empire of Harmony," the diamond dog said calmly to finish the Doctor's sentence.

"...Yes, thank you, save the entire Empire of Harmony-wait what?"

Now both Ditzy and the Doctor were confused and nervous. This was definitely something someone did not just blurt out and say to complete strangers.

"I-I think you have the wrong ponies," Derpy said with a nervous smile.

"Yeah, I mean, sure we may look the part," the Doctor began with a dramatic sweep of his hoof, "and sure I've saved hundreds of empires and worlds before, but surely you must be mistaking us for..."

"Ditzy Doo, from the capital planet of Equestria," the diamond dog read off from a document that almost seemed to materialize into his paws, "and the Doctor, from the extra-dimensional world of Gallifrey, captain of the TARDIS. I do believe these are you two. Now, if there are no more questions, I will take you to Command to be briefed on your mission."

"Captain?" the Doctor asked himself, liking the sound of that. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"

"And it all goes to his head," Derpy said with a roll of her eyes. Sometimes he could be so full of it.
* * *
Command was as it was so bluntly put, was a massive pyramid of and unknown orange material in the city's center, rising to pierce the sky. Thousands of vigilant honor guards in black-and-silver stood at attention inside and out, while thousands more standard soldiers patrolled the area around it and set up checkpoints that the doctor and Ditzy had to pass through before so much as touching the first steps of the pyramid. Thankfully they had elevators or it might have taken them hours to reach the summit.

Derpy had to be led around by the hoof as she was hardly paying attention to anything more than amazing sights that flooded her vision. Tapestries, paintings, golden statues, relief carvings in the walls themselves, magical lights on the ceiling, and marble floors covered in a carpet of the deepest red. Then there were the honor guards, who were actually bowing to them as they passed. Why couldn't they have come here sooner?

Soon they reached a pair of gigantic wooden doors with images of Celestia and Luna carved respectfully into each one. The guards at the doors hurried to open them and let them into a most magnificent throne room. The floor was a collage of precious stones and metals made into what could best be described as a mathematical map of the universe, rimmed with smiling aliens and ponies. But directly ahead of them were the most magnificent sights.

Sitting upon thrones or purple cushions Luna and Celestia, Celestia sharing one with a serious-looking Discord. Luna appeared to have lost a leg, now replaced with one of etched metal and jewels befitting of her nightly rule. Around the throne were a score of guards, standing between any visitors and their rulers.

"Stand aside, let our guests approach the thrones," Luna said as soon as she spotted Derpy and the Doctor, giving them a welcoming smile. The guards reacted as one to their empress's orders.

Ditzy was the first to move, not wanting to miss a chance to stand before the princesses in person. No, empresses, they were empresses now. She climbed the steps up to the thrones and bowed low, soon followed by the Doctor. A chuckling from the thrones made them look up. The empresses were shaking their heads in good humor.

"It appears we've forgotten," Celestia began her tone heavy with mirth, "this is the first time either of our dear friends have met us in the Empire of Harmony."

Discord guffawed loudly and ran his eagle talon through Celestia's mane. "Well then, my dearest Celestia, why don't we take them to the dining hall so that they can get more comfortable while you explain it to them?"

"An excellent idea," Celestia said giving a playful nuzzle to Discord, eliciting a groan of annoyance from Luna.

Author's Notes:

Okay, we took a chance here, don't worry it'll just extend into the next chapter then we'll be back to present time Equestria. We just felt the need for a waltz in time with the Doctor, and why not throw in some Warhammer to boot?

We apologize if this isn't your thing, but hope you don't get too mad. Just testing the waters to see if possible time traveling and immortal Empresses and possible shipping were acceptable to the crowd.

We beg your indulgence in this.

Just Another Day in Time

The dining hall was incomprehensible, such architectural beauties beyond even the city outside, what little she could comprehend we will try to convey. The very walls seemed to generate phantasmal images in thousands of colors, the silver ceiling seemed to ripple like the ocean with shadows passing through it, sometimes stars. Magical projections of shooting stars flews and whirled about the room, never touching anything or anyone, just arching around them and dancing away as though they were playing a game. The table itself seemed to be made of a green marble, edged with yellowed ivory, and it was levitating above the floor with sparkling violet cushions around it for ponies to sit upon. The floor too was immaculate and boastful in its very existence, a fairy red that burst into gold flames around the hoofs, feet or various other walking extremities that strode over it, sending pleasant and welcoming warmth coursing through the bodies of guests. Hovering over the table itself was a brilliant magical projection of a world, perhaps this one, and it's three great satellites. Stuffed in a corner of the room was a statue, obscured by blue veil, perhaps, Derpy thought, unfinished as of now. But these were only a few of the things which she could describe, countless others stole her breath and changed what she knew of reality, even the Doctor appeared to be visibly shaken in pure awe.

Celestia took her seat alongside Discord at one end of the table, while Luna took her place at the other. The projected moons above the table shifted towards the night princess, or empress now, and side of the table where Celestia sat seemed to grow brighter. All three of the rulers wore smiles up their faces as their two guests sat down somewhere at the table's center so that it wouldn't appear they were more partial to either side. covered dishes were immediately brought in by a troop of aliens with brilliantly colored fur, and possessing ten feather-covered tentacles each for which they walked and carried the food the table with amazing grace and speed, and then leaving before anypony could say anything.

"I just love Mautsas," the Doctor laughed afterwards, causing Luna and Discord to laugh with him. Celestia just kept a small, amused smile upon her face. The Doctor continued, "Always in a hurry because their too shy to take compliments. Remember, my dear Ditzy, never get into an argument with a Mautsa, he'll burst into tears at the first contradiction and apologize for offending you for at least two years."

Derpy gave a little giggle. "Thanks, I'll remember that."

"The best part is their revolutions," Luna stated in a strong tone, lifted the artificial leg up in a dramatic pose. "They attempt to annoy their enemies to death with such energy to become the Element of Laughter's rival."

Derpy laughed a little louder at this.

"I've witnessed a fleet of a thousand ships self destruct just to get away from their incessant energy," Luna continued with a majestic guffaw.

Derpy was quiet for a moment before bursting out in a fit of laughter. This made everypony else laughed as well.

"Oh, this is a good evening," Celestia said with a happy sigh as she leaned towards Discord. The dish covers started to lift. "But alas, we have a schedule. Please eat your fill and I will tell you what must be done."

"Wait just a moment," the Doctor said, the lids stopped moving, he gave all three of the leaders a curios glance. "It seems a bit odd that you were expecting us, and now you're going to tell us to do something, well... I don't like this. I don't like being told what to do."

Celestia smiled place a crystal cube upon the table, one that the Doctor immediately recognized. "Th-that's a..."

"Time Lord distress signal," Celestia finished for him, activating the cube with her horn. The Doctor's voice burst from the cube loud and clear.

"You will, or rather, I will take orders, do I hear me?" the voice said.

The Doctor produced his sonic screwdriver and turned it on, making some guards move to defend the rulers, they were stopped by a scowl from Luna. The Doctor's eyes went wide as he listened himself speak.

"I am going to what has to be done for the good of New Gallifrey."

That caught the Doctor's attention and elicited a gasp from Derpy.

"It's time for me to run in a new direction. I will no longer be running away from endings, I will be running towards a new beginning. Keep that pegasus mare close, me, or I'll come back and knock some sense into me. I have no qualms with slapping myself in the face a hundred or so times. Remember, do what must be done."

The message ending and the Doctor was left speechless, processing what he had just heard in his head. Derpy scooted over and held onto his foreleg, looking his over with concern. It seemed an eternity before he appeared to regain himself. He took a deep breath and patted Derpy's wings to let her know he was okay and then turned to look at Celestia.

"What do I have to do?" he asked in a serious tone that Derpy had never heard.

"Why does everypony ask her?" Luna muttered in good humor to herself, knowing full well that her own appearance was a little foreboding, especially now with her false leg.

Derpy turned and gave Luna a wave to let her know she wasn't forgotten, to which Luna returned with a fervent smile.

"For the last twenty thousand years of the Empire of Harmony," Celestia began, sitting up straighter, even Discord was taking this seriously, "an unholy army of abominations from both machine and life have been seeping into this universe from another, at first they were just infestations that were easily rooted out and exterminated, but gradually, they became more sophisticated and..."

"And they're beginning to overrun you, right?" the Doctor asked with a knowing look. Everypony nodded. "How dangerous are they?"

Luna swallowed heavily before she took this part. "There are, presently sixteen million worlds under the protection of the Empire of Harmony... there used to be forty million. We have been losing, my dear friends, and this world stands to be the first to be devoured in their biggest wave yet."

"How do mean?"

Luna appeared to be holding back tears. "We've detected a super portal forming not five hundred light years from here. We've taken every weapon and solider we have and sent them to fight them when it opens. We've left entire worlds undefended in this final effort. The bloodshed this sacrifice will cause amongst the our beloved civilians across the universe will be catastrophic. Yet we can take comfort that it pales in comparison to what these abominations would do."

"Will it be enough?" the Doctor asked.

Celestia shook her head. "Even with seven hundred billion soldiers we can not hope to hold out more than five hours once it opens."

"Then it's hopeless?" Derpy asked clinging to the Doctor in horror. "No, I've got to get back home, I've got two daughters that need me, and a colt I'm taking care of. Let's go back to the TARDIS, Doctor."

"Oh, but Derpy," Celestia said soothingly, "there is always hope."

"But you said..."

"I said we cannot hold out for more than five hours once it opens," Celestia reminded her. "That should give the Doctor enough time to complete the Harmony Bomb."

The Doctor sputtered in disbelief. "A bomb? Me? What it supposed to do? Destroy the portal?"

Celestia looked him in the eye with a stern gaze. "No... it will destroy their entire universe."

The Doctor appeared about ready to argue, but seemed to think better about it. "Who came up with such a concept?"

This time it was Discords time to speak. "You tried to warn us several times about the dangers of these abominations. We all just thought you a mad pony in a blue box at first. But when we realized you were right, it was too late, we were unprepared for what these creatures could do. Entire worlds were devoured and cannibalized for resources. We thought we were would surely perish. Then a couple heroes showed up and gave us the Harmony cannon, which we replicated and turned against them. Finally we began to feel hope again. But it slowed them down, but it didn't stop them. But fortunately, they also told us to build the Harmony Bomb, which we have been working on for the last twelve thousand years. Right now we feel we might be able to finish it in another two hundred years."

"But you think a Time Lord can finish it much sooner," the Doctor stated with a hint of distaste on his tongue.

Celestia nodded. "We are so sorry to ask this of you both."

"No," the Doctor angrily. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to explore this universe, helping every now and then, when there was trouble in the area, but I never once thought to purposely look to help anyone. I've always been running, running from endings, running from my past, but never moving."

Derpy felt her heart rate go up when she saw the Doctor stand with a deep scowl impressed on his face and determination etched upon his soul through those magnificent eyes. It was the feeling of excitement.

"Well no more," the Doctor shouted, slamming a hoof down upon the table. "From now on, I build the future, I am the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords, and the laws of time belong to me."

He turned to Luna and looked upon her as one great being to another. "Where is this bomb."

"Eat first," Luna told him in a cordial tone. "You will need the strength. Derpy, I trust you still like muffins."

The lids were wrapped in a royal blue aura and lifted away to reveal an assortment of wares, but the in front of Derpy were familiar and alien muffins. She gasped in joy and surprise at the reveal, quickly stacking her plate high. Then a thought crossed her mind. Her cheeks flushed and she turned back to Luna.

"These two heroes Discord was talking, who were they?"

Luna turned towards the statue in the corner covered with the veil. With a sweep of her horn, the veil flew off the reveal a metal statue of both the Doctor and Ditzy, entitles: The First Time Lord and Ditzy, Our Greatest Heroes. The figures wore regal clothing, Derpy was armed with some sort of battle saddle and the Doctor had a bandoleer of sonic screwdrivers strapped across his chest, both were smiling confidently and looking out as though to challenge the universe.

"How does it feel to know that you're first encounter with the Empire of Harmony would result in you saving the universe?" Luna asked with a broad smile.

Derpy was speechless for a moment, looking at the Statue. Even the Doctor appeared transfixed to the spot at it. Derpy slowly turned back to face her plate full of muffins, reminding her of the most wonderful muffins back home. With a gulp, she spoke without looking away from her plate. "What am I supposed to do?"
* * *
"That's Gallifreyan," the Doctor had said as soon as he spotted the machine in the warehouse beneath the pyramid. It appeared to be a solid sphere of silver-veined bronze, perfectly smooth with not even a single scratch upon its surface. It hovered above the floor a few hooves lengths above the floor and seemed to rotate constantly. "Where did you get it? This shouldn't even exist."

Discord chuckled and leaned up against the orb. His paw actually stopped a hoof's length from the surface of the ship, an invisible force holding him back. "A Time Lord gave it to us, you silly Doctor."

"This doesn't make sense," the Doctor commented. He immediately felt foolish when he saw the smirk on Discord's face. He watched as Derpy stepped up to get a better look. "Well, that comment aside, it's not going to just open for you. You need a special key, a code, or a..."

"Welcome, Ditzy Doo," a voice ushered from the orb as a crack appeared and widened to expose an opening. A couple steps formed for her to walk inside. "Are bringing aboard guests?"

"...or a DNA signature," the Doctor finished with disbelief evident in his voice.

Derpy looked back at the Doctor for advice on what to do. He simply nodded at her and she stepped up, and cleared her throat. "Yes, one guest."

"Four," Celestia corrected her.

"Okay, four," Derpy said with a nervous shrug.

"Then please board, are refreshments required?" the voice asked again.

Derpy seemed to gain confidence. She shook her head and stepped forward with collected steps. "No. We just need to get to a super portal."

"Locating nearest super portal," the voice said, then was silent. "There is one forming almost five hundred light years from here. Is this your destination?"

"Yes," Celestia said, following Derpy.

"You are not recognized as command," the voice snapped at her.

"Why you," Discord growled gruffly, but bit back his tongue, literally.

"I think it will only listen to you, Ditzy," the Doctor said with gesture for her to proceed.

"Yes," she said as stepped inside, "that is our destination."

Time Lord technology, bigger on the inside, not as big as the TARDIS, but still very spacious, enough room for maybe a hundred ponies to move around without getting cramped. Strange golden nobs clung to the interior dome, all the way from the floor to the inner peak of the dome. The floor was hard wood, with a hand burnt image upon it much like the map in the throne room. All of this surrounded a raised, circular platform with a cushioned, red chair designed for pony to sit in comfortably, with controls on the sides to maneuver the ship.

"What is this?" Derpy asked in awe.

"This is a Gallifreyan Absolution Sonnet," the Doctor explained matter-of-factly. "See all these nob? These are all Guided Blackhole Projectors, or GBPs, I love acronyms, meaning they fire miniature blackholes that you can then guide through enemy ranks. Unstable blackholes mind you, they dissipate after a little while. Can just go created permanent black holes across the universe, can we?"

"How does it work?" Derpy asked walking up to the chair.

"Just sit down Ditzy and I will explain it to you," the Absolution Sonnet said.

Derpy did as she was told and was immediately graced with a view of the exterior of the ship. The ships quickly explained that a small lever could rotate the chair. She rotated it and saw the view shifted as she did. The ship then explained a larger red lever moved the ship, and teleportation and small amounts of time travel could be done with voice commands. That last bit was really useful. But then something caught Derpy's eye.

Stuck to one of the chair's control arms by a small piece of tape was a picture of Dinky as an infant. Tears of happiness and wonder came to her eyes as she lifted it up and held it close to her face. "This is my ship. Doctor, this is my ship."

The Doctor peered over the back of the chair to look at the photo. He too had conflicting feelings. He always knew she was more than just a clumsy mailmare, she had always been special, but this was a new revelation that made him look upon her differently. If Derpy was captain of an Absolution Sonnet at some point in her future, or at this very moment, then she was truly a marvel of this universe.

"Take us to the...," Derpy began, but was stopped by Celestia's hoof on her shoulder.

"We need to get to the flag ship, Union Absolute," she said with urgency in her voice.

Derpy nodded in response and face forward. "Can you take us to the Hamrony Bomb aboard the Union Absolute?"

Instead of speaking, the entrance simply sealed up and a loud hum filled the room, and Derpy watched the view screen as the warehouse faded away and was then replaced by the deck of a ship, directly ahead of her was a large rocket with scientist and soldiers standing all around it. They were looking at the Sonnet, and the soldiers were quickly moving to surround the ship with weapons at the ready. Apparently they were expecting a giant ball to suddenly appear in the lab.

"Well, this saves us some time," Discord said with a shrug.

"You didn't have to take us directly to the bomb," Luna said with a chuckle. "Only the Doctor needed to be here. But, Celestia and I, with Discord, can make our way the bridge fast enough from here. Please open the door to let us out. Oh, and you should be able to just ask your ship to take you to the front lines."

"Front lines?" the Doctor almost shouted as the door opened. "You want to put her..."

"It's fine, Doctor," Derpy said with a no-nonsense look on her face. "This is a Gallifreyan ship after all. I should be able to handle myself with this."

"Gallifrey is dead," the Doctor shouted, ignoring her expression. "you're a mother, and my best friend in the universe, Ditzy. You don't have to do anything more, just leave the rest to us."

Derpy turned back the view screen and took a deep breath. "I probably have some great-great-great, far too many greats to list here, grandfoals here right now, or maybe they all got devoured. What kind of grandmother would I be if I let them do this alone, or didn't avenge them? I'm sorry if this upsets you. But I can't die here anyway, this ships is from my future, which means I survive this, so you have nothing to worry about. Right?"

After a pregnant pause, the Doctor sighed and nodded in consent. "Very well. Just be careful, please. I don't know what I would do if you got hurt."

Derpy gave him a comforting smile and nodded. She watched him leave with the Empresses and Emperor, before ordering the doors closed and watching as the soldiers realized their mistake and stood at attention. With a smile at the picture, she leaned back in the chair and took deep sniff. "How long before the super portal opens?"

"Two days," the Sonnet said.

"The Doctor will do his best to dissuade me," she said with a contemplative tap of his nose. "I can't bear to hear him beg. Stallions shouldn't beg. Take me to the front lines and at least ten minutes before the portal opens."

The loud hum filled the Absolute Sonnet as it faded out of the Union Absolute, jumping through time and space to the forefront of war. Then, she felt her heartbeat quicken and her breath stop at a sight that put the dining hall to shame.

There must have been a few million ships all around her, of various shapes and sizes, with small craft zooming around in formations as the super portal began it's final stage of development. The portal itself was a brilliant scheme of bright colors, shimmering in with trillions of rays, it also must have been a couple thousand miles in diameter. A black space in its center was rapidly growing larger, making Derpy sweat with nerves.

"Uh oh," said suddenly. "How do I fire?"

"Press the red button on your left," the voice said in answer to her question. "Don't worry about aiming, anything you set your eyes upon will be chased down by the GBPs, allowing you to concentrate on other targets. The blue button on your right disengages GBPs you have accidently shot at friendly units."

"Thank you," Derpy said with heavy relief in her voice. That was the most useful piece of information yet. Then she wondered if it was necessary to thank the machine.

"You're most welcome, Ditzy," the Sonnet said happily.

That answered that question as well.

Derpy moved her hooves over the buttons, ready for the onslaught. She had faced dangers before, with and without the Doctor by her side, and she had always come out unscathed. She had used her own back and head to protect her unborn daughter, she had drawn a dirk on a crime boss multiple times and walked away, she had survived Tirek, faced horrors with the Doctor, and had always gotten away. Today would be no different.

"Transmission from the Doctor, he just wants to talk," the voice said.

Derpy took a deep breath and held it, watching the ever-expanding void as she thought. "Ignore it, but send my apologies to him, tell him I'll be okay."

"Yes, Ditzy," the voice said.

Derpy squared her shoulders and shifted a little in her seat. "I guess this is it. I am Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo, and I shall prevail. Hmmm, that sounded kind of nice."

Although there is no sound in the vacuum of space, static discharges from a high energy source, like a super portal, will act as radio signals through metal or other hard materials, resulting in unintelligible noise. Usually this noise is so low as to be imperceptible. The static wave rocketing off the completed super portal, however, sounded like an artillery barrage, leaving every ear that heard it ringing.

Then came the abominations of the other side. Like snakes covered in bubbles of fat and machines interwoven throughout their beings, sickly and perverse, with spindly legs like spiders. Beyond number they emerged like a tidal wave of writhing flesh. They were beyond number, but none of that mattered now. This was the universes last stand, and there would be no running away. Magic blasts, metal projectiles, and explosives tore silently through space and into the abominations. But none were doing as much damage as the Absolute Sonnet, as the GBPs seemed to flow off the outer hull like a river while its captain, with her funny eyes, could easily target multiple spots at once.

The abominations had their own ranged weapons as well, devouring their fallen and then spitting out veritable cannonballs filled with explosive chemicals. Six ships exploded and others began to follow. Derpy was having to maneuver her way around these cannonballs with a hind hoof on the red lever while she used both her forehoofs to press the red button in rapid succession. By the time the first hour had past, there was no end to the abominations in sight, and over a thousand ships were lost.

Derpy had taken several hits herself, but the Gallifreyan ship held strong for her, and it's ammo bays apparently had no end. Extra-dimensional storage aside, she found her self quite soaked in sweat from the strain of just pressing a single solitary button. Her muscles and head ached from the concentration and the salty sweat was stinging her eyes. This focus is what made her not notice all the ships within close proximity to her were gone, making her a prime target for the abominations.

Warning lights and alarms went off as the Absolute Sonnet was knocked around, almost throwing Derpy from her seat, costing her precious seconds. "What happened?"

"These creatures are gnawing upon my exterior, Ditzy," the voice said urgently. "I suggest maneuvering and firing like a lunatic."

"Strange advice," Derpy responded as she found a buckle that she had somehow missed before and locked herself into the seat. She spun the chair around in circles to look at the abominations, and sure enough, she could see space for the monsters. GBPs flew in all direction as she spun wildly, ignoring the nausea it was causing. Suddenly, a blinding flash of light dazed her for one angle and knocked the ship off course.

"Now what," she shrieked loudly.

The news wasn't good. "Apparently the other ships think a group of these creatures attacking me makes us a prime target."

"What?" Derpy yelled just before another violent shake ran through the ship, and then another and another. sparks erupted from the walls and a couple fires broke out. The Sonnet was screaming.

"Ten percent of GBPs inactive. Fourteen percent of GBPs inactive. Twenty percent of GBPs inactive. Teleportation and time travel destroyed. Thirty percent of GBPs inactive."

All Derpy could do was scream, yell and fire like a lunatic. But, none of it seemed to matter. Tears burst from her eyes as fewer and fewer of the GBPs were responding, and then, all were gone. Fires erupted all over and the ship continued to rattle and shake. she continued to press the button but soon gave up. This was truly hopeless. She burst into sobs as she waited for it all to be over.

They had told her that she had had a future after this battle. They made her believe it, showed her a statue of herself as a hero, knew she would show up at a set point in time. The Doctor had always saved her, what was different about now? Why wasn't her raggedy knight coming to her rescue aboard his blue steed? Maybe he was a part of this as well. He had abandoned her. She was a mother, a guardian of foals, and he was letting her die here. Even the rulers of this horrid future knew she was going to die. They had just wanted her to fool herself into thinking she could be a hero, that she could be more than a clumsy mare. Now she was going to die like a animal.

Her eyes turned towards the photo of Dinky. So little and tender at that age, wanting nothing more than mother's warmth and perfect milk. Her first words, her first little spell, that last words she had ever heard her say. Then there was Amethyst, that beautiful orphan who was sure to make a very lucky stallion happy someday, taken from an orphanage to be Dinky's sister. And then there was her little charge, Conquest, broken goods according to horrid slang, a strong colt who needed love and understanding in a troubling time. He had cried against her breast, against her heart, she had held him in her hooves and comforted him, listened to his woes and made him feel better.

Her hoof suddenly began pounding the button again. A primal savagery building up inside her. All those maternal chemicals flooded her system as she remembered her reason for living.

"I am not an animal," she shrieked as she literally ripped the buckle from seatbelt away from her and climbed out of the chair, managing to stand on the buckling deck. "I am not the culmination of experiences and knowledge. I am not going to give into worthless instincts and die here. I am Ditzy Doo, Mother of two daughters, and guardian of a colt who should be somepony's son. I saw a statue of myself, I will survive this and become a hero. I will stand by the Doctor's side forever. And there is no force in heaven or tartarus that can stop me."

"We cannot fire exterior weaponry," the voice crackled as it's tech began to burn.

"Then fire all GBPs inwards," Derpy said as inspiration struck alongside another blast of friendly fire, sending her to the floor.

"That would generate a permanent blackhole," the voice crackled back.

"Exactly," Derpy said. "Ship teleportation in disabled, right?"

"Affirmative."

"What about one little mare in a spacesuit?" Derpy asked slyly.

"The location would not be too far and tech is too fried to pick a point."

Derpy grunted and she looked around for a trapdoor. "Just sending me in the opposite direction of the super portal." She found it, stuffed in a corner. She quickly yanked it open and dropped down inside. It was a spacious area with more of those GBP knobs and a central pillar with the equipment she was looking for. She hurriedly rushed to put on the orange spacesuit, having worn them before on planet without breathable atmospheres. Then she looked about for some sort of weapon to arm herself with. A battle saddle with weapons with heavy weapons attached to it; an in-space variety, linked to her suit's helmet so that all she had to do was say "bang" and it would fire. She had seen enough of these in Equestrian Frontier Space to know how they worked. Once it was attached, she began to give her final orders to the Absolute Sonnet.

"Once you teleport me away, head to the center of the super portal and begin firing GBPs inward. And then a send a message to all ships to pull back. I've seen what blackholes can do."

"I cannot create permanent blackhole with an authorization code," the voice stated. Of course, there had to be a catch to it, or else anyone could just hack the system and destroy entire fleets.

Derpy didn't even bat and eye. "Dinky."

Light shimmered around her and she found herself drifting in space, facing the super portal. She readied the weapons on her battle saddle and twisted about in search of abominations that had slipped past the blockade. Sure enough, there were dozens of them within her sight, and she within theirs.

Magical energy bolts erupted from her battle saddle, more complicated to aim with than the Absolute Sonnet's GBPs, but that was expected. But despite this, the amount of shots she was firing and her dedication to seeing her children again were a deadly combination. These stragglers were not coming within twenty hooves from her.

The Absolute Sonnet chose now to ignite the GBPs, mashing them together to start forming the incredible force of nature. The ship imploded on itself, the blackhole generators coming apart and igniting the already enlarging black orb, erupting it to begin filling the super portal. Abominations and, sadly, ships that didn't heed the Sonnet's warning, were pulling in and crushed into spaghetti-like strands of matter. Nothing was going to pass that giant void of gravity and power. All that needed to be done now was destroy what abominations had gotten past, and there were a lot, and wait for the Harmony Bomb.
* * *
Derpy felt lonely, it had been hours, and she was still drifting alone in space, ever now and then she would blast apart an abomination. But she felt she really needed somepony to talk to. Heck, silence was fine, just as long as there was at least a hug. But the silence was getting to her. It was indeed boring. She tried to play I-spy with herself, but even she could find anything really that different. A bit of mental chess and... she fell asleep three moves in.

The next thing she new, somepony was shaking her. Remembering the abominations, her eyes shot open and she began yelling. "bangbangbangbangbangbangbang... oh."

She was in a room, gold and red patterns everywhere, and she was laying atop a purple mattress with a soft blanket overtop of her. Probably stuffed with the feathers of an exotic bird. Standing around her were the two empresses, the emperor, while, snoring beside her, was the Doctor.

"Owww," he said as he bolted upright from Derpy's hoof across his cheek. He became confused when she afterwards embraced him tightly, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Th-that was f-f-for l-letting me go to the f-front lines, you w-w-wonderful stallion, you," she said as her embrace tightened even more. "You saved me."

"Actually that was Discord," Luna said with a merrily chuckle at the couple's interaction.

"Indeed I did," Discord said, proudly puffin out his chest. "Those portals tend to ruin my chaotic abilities, which is why we took your ship instead of just snapping over her. But that blackhole you created cancelled that out, and allowed me to find you after the Harmony Bomb was launched."

Discord then knelt down at Derpy's side, soon followed by his bride and Luna, they bowed their heads low in respect. "You saved the day with that action, Ditzy. The Doctor didn't complete the bomb within the time limit, but you gave us more than we could ever need. Now we only have to worry about the clean up, but those abominations should be no more."

"What does this all mean?" Derpy asked in astonishment, looking to the Doctor for help.

He laughed and rubbed her blond mane affectionately. "It means, my dear Ditzy, that you're the hero of a twenty thousand year long war. Ended because of your actions. Tell me, Ditzy, how's it feel to be one of the greatest heroes in the universe?"

Derpy thought for a minute before shrugging. "Needs more muffins."

Discord snapped his fingers and more muffins than she could eat in three years appeared amidst the joyous laughter that erupted around the room. Derpy cried again that day in joy and happiness. Yet another adventure she had come out of unscathed and stronger than ever. She truly was a marvel of the universe.

Luna lifted her voice. "We will take a few months to assess and repair the damages, and then you two are to be presented before the whole of the empire and be awarded for your indomitable actions this day. On that day shall be a celebration that lasts weeks."

"Now, that won't be necessary," the Doctor said with a dismissive wave. "Saving the day is reward enou..."

"You will not refuse this," Celestia scolded him like a mother catching her foal's hoof in the cookie jar. "If you are not here on that day to be awarded, I will hunt you down till the end of your days and force you to come in that time machine of yours."

The Doctor's ears folded back in fear and he nodded furiously at her. "Of course, of course. How silly of me."

"Can I bring my foals?" Derpy asked around a particularly delicious muffin.

Luna gasped and nodded. "Of course, let the hollowed halls never be void of children's laughter. Really the only good thing to come of my sister's choice."

Discord gave her a glare amidst more laughter. Celestia leaned into him and gave him a bright smile.
* * *
"Do not forget to return," Celestia said as she watched the Doctor head into the TARDIS while Derpy talked with Luna. Her royal guard were holding back the crowds that, even though Discord had generated an impervious shield, wanted to see their heroes, but she would not allow it. They deserved their rest.

"No need to worry about that," the Doctor responded nervously. He ducked inside the TARDIS with haste to escape the Sun Empress's gaze.

Luna sat with her false limb upon Derpy's shoulder, an honest smile upon her face. She looked as though she were talking to an old friend. "Ditzy, It has been a pleasure having you here. How I wish we could have talked more, but, I understand your desire to get back to your family. I know what separation is like."

"I remember the day you returned," Derpy said with a chuckle. "That was a year or so after I met the Doctor. Dinky had nightmares about it for a while afterwards."

Luna smiled. "I remember them. I walked in her dreams to relieve her fears."

Derpy gasped. "That was you, princess Luna? I-I mean, empress Luna."

Luna pulled her into a friendly embrace, discarded conduct for this mare. "Luna is just fine. In time, as you meet me again and again in my past, you will become as a good friend."

Derpy returned the embrace. "Well, I should get going. I really don't want to be apart from my family for too long."

Luna released her and nodded. "I understand. I look forward to covering you with medals. Be sure to return, even if it means slapping that Doctor around the inside of that box."

"I will, Luna," Derpy said with a happy smile. She turned towards the box when Luna stopped her.

"One more thing, Derpy," she said in a collected tone. "You once left something for me to give you on the day you first met me in the Empire of Harmony."

Derpy cocked her head in confusion. "My future self gave your past self something that your future self was supposed to give my past self?"

Luna nodded, producing a folder from under a wing and levitating it over to Derpy and tucking under her wing. "This is very important, Derpy. Do not lose this, and do not show it to the Doctor. Understand?"

Derpy took a look at the folder and then nodded. "Yes, Luna. I will, or won't. Whichever is the appropriate response."

Luna giggled and shook her head. "Either one is acceptable. Now go on home, and be sure to give the Doctor a kiss. Faust knows he deserves it."

Derpy blushed and hurried on inside the TARDIS with cheers of farewell sounding out behind her.
* * *
None of the young ponies heard the hoofsteps as the gray mare slipped silently into their rooms and gave them each a soft kiss on the foreheads and made sure they were all properly tucked in. All the while she hummed her little lullaby of stars and moons. None of them even knew that she had gone. She paused a moment to make sure Conquest was alright. A decision finalizing itself in her head.

She then slipped back into her own room and lifted her mattress to look at the folder Luna gave her, then lowered it back down, resolving to check it later. He slipped beneath her sheets and blankets and let herself drift off to sleep.

"Conquest," she muttered as she slipped away, "you're not broken goods. I may not have much money, but I know there's only one way I can be sure you get a loving family. I'll figure out a way. Don't you worry."

There were no nightmares to haunt her this night. Past Luna seemed to sense something terryfing happened to Derpy and made sure her dreams were sweet. A hillside of glazed sugar and rains of muffins upon a family picnic with her daughters and favorite stallion. Even Conquest had place in this dream, a happy place.

Author's Notes:

And she's back home. Hope nobody minded the brief, though heavily worded, interlude with the Doctor. We also threw in a bit of Fallout: Equestria, Half-Life, and Pink Eyes. We're nerds

This is our longest chapter yet. And it sure was a pain to write. Each of us hopes this was an enjoyable end to the Doctor's interlude. Derpy's a hero, the Doctor has a new mission in life, and Conquest may have a special surprise in the future.

Now, the question is: What was in the folder Luna gave Derpy?

Le Grandioso Mundillo Combate

The house was indeed cleaned up as mother had instructed them, and Amethyst and Dinky were quite pleased with their work. Conquest had made some motions of trying to help, but Amethyst didn't feel it would be proper for him to work on his own party. He managed to contented himself with a book while they worked around him. Dinky complained a bit about this though, but Amethyst managed to convince her it was for the better. She appeared to be today's mediator.

The main problem were all the paper flying devices from the night before. Every time they thought they had collected them all, they found a few more laying around. Amethyst then asked Dinky to watch Conquest to make sure he wasn't making more while she collected the rest. The final count came to 119 paper flyers. She didn't have to heart to throw them away, so she put them in Dinky's room by the colt's bed. They could all be happy that way.

Pinkie showed up after noon with a veritable wagon of supplies for the party, food included. The pink earth pony was a blur of motion as she hung up streamers, firing her party cannon to decorate walls and furniture, after giving Conquest some warning of course. No need to scare him out of his wits. It took all of an inconceivable amount of time. Just Pinkie being Pinkie. Lastly was a triple layer Prench chocolate cake with strawberry frosting.

"So, Amethyst, how are things?" Pinkie asked with her usual smile as she sat down on a couch to admire her work. More blues and yellows with some reds, perfect for a colt Conquest's age. She should know, she studied for years.

"Oh, so-so," Amethyst responded, taking the floor and giving the earth pony a friendly smile. "Can't really complain all that much. Just cleaned up around the house, waiting for mom and the rest of the guests to arrive."

"Ooh, that reminds me," Pinkie said as she produced a small red-banded sombrero from some ethereal dimension. "Where's the guest of honor?"

Amethyst giggled at the sight of Pinkie's excitability. "Follow me, he should still be with Dinky."

They wandered into Dinky's room, finding her playing with a couple of her dolls, and Conquest, somehow, had gotten atop of a bookcase to read another encyclopedia. Because of this it took a moment to actually locate him.

"Aaah," Amethyst almost screamed at the sight. She used her magic to envelope him and bring him down softly. He struggled and cried out in alarm and discomfort in the magic aura. "What were you thinking? Good foals don't climb in furniture."

Conquest cringed under her gaze and verbal onslaught. "Sorry."

"You could have hurt yourself," Amethyst continued. "Do you know what my mom would say if you got hurt on my watch?"

Cinquest refused to meet her eyes, shaking a little now. "I said I was sorry."

"You're sorry?" Amethyst shouted, making him back away. She was about to list off a few more reasons when Pinkie covered her mouth with her hoof.

Pinkie retained a smile though her eyes were firm. "Amethyst, he's a pegasus. Perching behavior is natural and expected of a pegasus foal. It teaches them to balance and self-confidence. I had to learn that while babysitting the Cake twins, if only I had learned that before hand. Would have taken a lot of stress off."

Amethyst put her on hoof to her lips in embarrassment now. "Oh my. I-I didn't realize. Oh, I'm so sorry, Conquest. I didn't realize. But still, you shouldn't be climbing up high, you... don't have... wings anymore. Oooh, there's no good way to say that."

"Enough of this sad talk," Pinkie burst out with a smile, bounding over to the colt and dropping the sombrero on his head. "There's a party today, and, by golly, everypony's gonna smile."

the sombrero was a little large and Conquest had to tilt his head back quite a ways to peer under it and look at the strange pink mare. He began breathing hard as nervousness overtook him, verging on panic. Fortunately, Pinkie seemed to have anticipated this.

"Oh, and a little party favor before the party," Pinkie said enthusiastically as she produced a checkered cupcake. "I made this especially for you, it's a vanilla and chocolate cupcake. I didn't know which you liked better, so I mixed them both together so I couldn't get it wrong. I'm Pinkie Pie, by the way, the premiere party pony in Ponyville. Say that ten times fast. So you see, there is no reason to be scared of me you cute little thing. Enjoy your cupcake, nice and messy like, or clean and proper, whichever you prefer. It is your party after all. You can do whatever you want. Except climb up high, we don't want you to get hurt, now do we? Of course not, and you wouldn't want to make us sad would you."

Conquest had finished his cupcake long before Pinkie stopped talking, and was now just watching her with wrapped attention and a small smile at her energetic behavior. But she was still a stranger, and that made him a little uncomfortable.

"I didn't forget you, Dinky," Pinkie said as she produced a yellow pointy party hat for her, slipping it onto the giggling filly in a flash and then putting a red one on Amethyst's head. For Amethyst she gave it a scrutinizing gaze before shaking her head and removing it, replacing it with a blue one with a purple ball on top and streamers on the side. "Perfect. Now all we need are the CMC, the elements and Derpy. This welcome-to-Ponyville-glad-you're-getting-better-we-want-to-be-your-friends-party is going to be the best one yet. I had to change the name, because the original one I thought up wouldn't fit anymore. But, anyway, let's march out and await the rest of the guests."

Conquest hesitantly, though willingly following after the bouncing earth pony with Amethyst and Dinky. Dinky was still giggling, and Amethyst was rolling her eyes and shaking her head to get the streamers out of her eyes. Conquest tripped a couple times because of the sombrero, but he picked himself right back up and kept walking without need of assistance. He was actually proud of his own progress adapting to his amputations.
* * *
Twilight showed up next with spike, bearing a couple saddlebags of film reels and a projector. Introductions were made, Conquest was amazed and nonverbally curious about the dragon, and Pinkie helped Twilight set up the projector. Spike felt a little awkward around the two-legged colt that didn't seem in the least bit wary around him, poking and prodding the small dragon questioningly. It didn't help any that Twilight and Amethyst were laughing at his discomfort.

"Is he going to stop any time soon?" Spike asked is desperation.

"According to Mysterious Mental Medical Mysteries that's a definite... maybe," Twilight chuckled as he put in the battery, as electrical power wasn't too prevalent in Equestria those days. "Try boring him, maybe that'll make him lose interest."

"Oh, goody," Pinkie said as she say the little light bulb come on. "Let's see what reels you brought."

Pinkie opened the saddlebag and pulled out the reels one by one. "Yep, yep, good one, nope, yepparooni, yes, no, definitely, absolutely, yep, and nooo."

Twilight cocked her head and looked at the two reels that Pinkie put back into the saddle bags. "What's wrong with those ones?"

"Those," Pinkie said with an accusing glare at the bag, "are nothing but crotch hits."

"But, those are funny," Twilight reasoned.

Pinkie gave her a sideways look. "I love slapstick, but I do not find something that implies severely harming stallions or mares funny in the least."

"But those other ones have ponies being hospitalized," Twilight pointed to the others reels Pinkie left by the projector."

"But everypony knows hospitals are serious, so they won't take it seriously," Pinkie said with a wave of her hoof. "But you show something like these two to a bunch of fillies, at least a few of them will think colts and stallions are quick to recover from it."

"Oh, come on," Twilight rolled her eyes. "How many fillies do you know who..."

"Applejack was once suspended from school for punching a couple fillies who thought it would be funny to kick Big Mac repeatedly," Pinkie Pie said with a serious expression on her face, making Twilight cringe at the thought. "I won't name names, but at least Big Mac's fine. I mean have you seen him? That stallion's testosterone central."

"Well, I guess it could be taken of context," Twilight conceded.

"Besides," Pinkie said, leaning in close to Twilight's ears, "do you really think it would be the best idea for a little colt to be surrounded by a group of mares laughing at stallions getting hurt like that?"

Twilight's eyes went wide at that realization. "I-I guess I didn't think about it that way before."

"No worries," Pinkie said giving her a friendly pat in the head, "just an honest mistake."

Rainbow Dash showed up after the screen was set up, Scootaloo in tow. Amazingly, Rainbow Dash was actually controlled in meeting Conquest, making sure to speak in a, somewhat, softer tone, bet still peppering it with her normal bragging flare. Conquest laughed a bit at her attitude, confusing Rainbow Dash to no end. But she continued, the bragging seeming to entertain him, making him more comfortable with her presence. He practically ignored Scootaloo, who didn't mind so much, as the sight of him made her wings hurt.

"Hi, I-I'm, S-Scootaloo," she said, not wanting to be completely left out, and show Rainbow Dash she wasn't scared. She held out her hoof and cringed when Conquest fell down when he lost balance trying to shake back. Yet, even from the floor, he proceeded to complete his action.

"Conquest," he said bluntly, rubbing his hoof on the floor.

"Why are you doing that?" Scootaloo asked, leaning down to get a closer look at his hoof.

"Don't like being touched much," he replied simplistically as he continued to rub his hoof on the floor.

"Oh," Scootaloo said. "What about hugs? You don't even like those?"

Conquest stopped for a moment and looked at the ceiling in contemplation. "From some."

"Hey, Scootaloo, stop asking him questions," Rainbow Dash said a playful roll of her eyes. "Why don't you play some games together or something? Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom will be here soon too."

Dinky wandered over and sat beside Scootaloo. "It won't do much good. I've tried to get him to play plenty of times. But he really does weird things, like stacking all the cans in the kitchen a couple days ago, or rearranging the books in order of color."

"Really?" Scootaloo asked, cocking her eyes and looking at the colt, who was still rubbing his hoof on the floor. She scowled and cleared her throat. "Not today. Come on you, let's find something you can do."

Conquest wasn't sure what happened, one moment he was trying to get the sensation of somepony's touch, and the next he was back in Dinky's room on his bed with his wooden sword in his mouth facing the other bed with the two fillies on it in pirate costumes. They had armed themselves with pillows and seemed about ready to throw them at him.

"Ahoy Mexicolt ship," Scootaloo shouted in her best pirate voice, "Surrender to the Dashite Pirates or be sunk unto the depths."

Truly, Conquest didn't know what came over him. "Nay, ye young fillies of the Dashite shores golden. Come hither unto thy despairing demise to join the kraken and leviathan in deeps yet unknown to ponykind since the dawn of time. Cometh now if ye dares test the fates."

Scootaloo and Dinky's eyes were wide at the sudden utterance of old Equish. "Does that mean you refuse to be boarded or what?"

Conquest was baffled that they didn't understand what he just said. he let out a heavy sigh and nodded, "means take your best shot."

"You just might be worse than Sweetie Belle," Scootaloo muttered as she launched a pillow at him, which he managed to dodge. "Attack, Dinky, sink the Mexicolts."

"Yeeaah," Dinky cried out, launching another pillow.

After a while though, Scootaloo noticed something was amiss. "Um, First Mate Dinky... how many pillows do we have left?"

Dinky gulped as she looked at the yet untouched Conquest standing triumphantly on the end of his own bed, smiling devilishly. "None, Captain Scootaloo. Do you think he's..."

"You wouldn't attack a couple of defenseless fillies, would you?" Scootaloo asked, hoping for some mercy from the deformed colt.

"Yeah, what she said," Dinky said, hiding behind her captain.

But it was to no avail. Conquest was off in his own little world now. He was standing on the bow of a grand Mexicoltan ship, the colorful flag waving in a salty breeze. He could smell the smoke of the cannon, the gentle rocking of the ship, and his prey dead ahead. The Dashite pirates, though where that was he did not know, laid open before him, having missed him in their haste to thwart his mission of justice upon the high seas. They would receive no mercy from him, and he would be awarded great medals from his king.

"Dose thou believe this to be the face of mercy," he said with a glare underneath the sombrero, imagining a cape of blue and gold upon his back. "For thy crimes against innocent seafarers, I shalt be the one to bring your demise. Prepare thyselves against our steel, and pray unto your gods, for now begins our contest for the honor and glory."

"I don't think that means he'll play nice," Scootaloo squeaked.

Dinky dropped down and covered her head in anticipation.

Conquest turned about and grabbed three pillows in his mouth and whirled about, throwing them across the space between the beds, one hitting Scootaloo and the other two hitting the wall. In an instant he had grabbed another three and repeated the process until he had no more left. Scootaloo and Dinky dug their way out of the hill of pillows and glared back at Captain Conquest.

"This calls for a rethink of our strategy."

"I'll get my plushies," Dinky said with a scowl.

Scootaloo nodded in approval. "Yes, force him to fire back before he gets swamped. Good thinking First Mate Dinky."

"Do not fire until we see the whites of their eyes," Conquest shouted to his imagined crew.

"You're taking this pretty seriously," Scootaloo said as she began stacking plushies that Dinky tossed to her. A smile spread across her face. "I like it. Hurry up Dinky, there's no way we'll be beaten by these imperial dogs."

"Aye-aye, Captain," Dinky said as she grabbed her last plushie and hopped back upon the bed.

"Strike now, Dashite Pirates," Scootaloo roared, "for freedom, for gold, and for... whatever else pirates like."

Conquest took a few hits, but remained standing with a smile upon his face. "You do not scare the Mexicoltan navy. I return fire."

"I thought you said to wait till you saw the whites of our eyes," Dinky shouted back at him.

"Your eyes to are too big miss," Conquest returned with an awkward buck that deflected a stuffed elephant back at the pirates.

Scootaloo was about to retaliate, but then shrugged. He was right.

The battle carried on. Captain Conquest vs. the Dashite Pirates. Neither side really gaining any leeway. Did anypony ever really win one of these? The Dashites scored six more hits, and the Mexicolt was getting better at deflecting the soft projectiles with his one hind leg as it carried on. Dinky would make occasional runs down onto the floor to gather spare ammo, and Scootaloo did her best to cover her. Conquest then took a hit in the face and he lost his balance, falling down ungracefully, making himself a prime target.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Scootaloo and Dinky paused pelting the fallen Conquest to find Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. They looked excited, probably because of the pillow fight.

"Hurry up and join us," Scootaloo and Dinky said in unison.

"Join the Dashite Pirates against the Mexicolt," Dinky said, bounding with excitement.

Sweetie Belle eagerly leapt onto the bed to join the other fillies, receiving a pirate hat in the process. But Apple Bloom had other ideas.

"Conquest, I'm joinin' yer side," she said with short sprint and jump onto the mattress. She watched as he got up, trying to keep from gagged at the sight of his stubs. "But, can I be Equestrian?"

Conquest blinked at her and took on what he deemed a triumphant pose as he faced the Dashites. "Quake in fear, Dashites, for tartarus has been unleashed. The Equestrian Royal Marines hath joined us. Taste the wrath of our tempest."

"Yer worse than Sweetie Belle," Applebloom laughed as she tossed a plushie at the pirates.

"Hey," Sweetie cried just as the plushie hit her. "Oh, it's on now."

The room was filled with flying objects in an instant amidst the sounds of good-natured insults.

"Imperial lackeys."

"Pirate scum."

"Royal pains."

"Buccaneer bumpkins."

"Noble narcissists."

"Wave hogs."

"Proper prissy."

"Mast manes."

"Soft shoes."

"Scurvy dogs."

"Clichéd curiours."

"Sunday raiders."

"I think you five should stop soon or you'll miss cake and ice cream."

"Hey, that's a good insult."

"It wasn't us."

All fighting ceased as they all turned to face the door, seven mares and a dragon were peering in with smiles on their faces. Sweetie Belle was slightly embarrassed, and Dinky was slightly ashamed for messing up the room after cleaning earlier. But the mares made no pretentions of annoyance or otherwise, just giggles and some smiles. Spike, however was not amused.

"Aawe, I missed the big pillow fight?"

"Sorry, Spike," said Scootaloo, leaping down from her porch on the bedpost and heading for the door. "We'll give you this one, Conquest, since it's your party. Last one to the kitchen's a rotten egg."

"Like the one you hatched from?" Sweetie teased as she and Dinky chased after the orange filly.

Apple Bloom laughed as she saw them go and turned to Conquest to see if he was about ready to give chase. He didn't look like it. "Uuuh, Conquest are you alright?"

Conquest was covered in sweat, the sombrero was crooked upon his head, and he was panting hard.

"Ooh, that doesn't look good," Fluttershy said, hurrying to Conquest's side and placing a hoof on his brow. He didn't even notice he was so heavy with sweat and fatigue.

"Is he alright?" Derpy as in concern, darted next to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief when she concluded her diagnosis. "Yes, just very tired. Poor thing. The pillow fight must have been a lot of strain on his... weakened body. A wet towel and some water and ice cream to cool him down should do just fine. And a lot of rest."

"Well, he can sleep later," Derpy said with a chuckle as she took a wet towel the Pinkie had rushed to get. She rubbed Conquest down to get rid of the sweat and cool him down. When she was done, however, he looked absolutely fluffy. Laughter was stifled to save his dignity. "Come on Conquest, these ponies want to meet you, and I think the victor of the battle deserves some treats."

Derpy gathered Conquest into his forelimbs and felt her heart flutter when he actually snuggled against her chest, eliciting a long "Awe" from the gathered mares. "No sleeping," Derpy told him with withering firmness, he just looked so peaceful. But Derpy had resolve. She changed his position so that he was more dangling her grasp, just uncomfortable enough so he wouldn't just drift off to sleep.

"The little dear seems to really like you, darling," Rarity said as Derpy passed.

Derpy paused moment and nodded slowly, feeling a twinge in her heart. "Yes, he sure does." She shook the fog from her head and turned back to the others with a broad smile. "He just needs to stay up a few more hours, then I'll let him sleep nice and long tomorrow."

Author's Notes:

Another chapter done. Two Fluttershy cheers

Finally, Pinkie gets to throw her party, and it seems to be going off with a bang. Conquest apparently likes old Equish (we didn't name it that, plenty of others did it before us) and has a flare for the dramatic. And the Mane (Main?) Six have noticed Derpy's and Conquest's interactive chemistry. Where will it all end. THE HORROR

No, wait an minute... THE SUSPENSE

Till next time.

Unexpected

Some ice cream and cake definitely seemed to do the trick in perking Conquest up. Though still a little tired, he was alert enough to make introductions with the other mares that had arrived. The little fillies were wired after the pillow fight however, laughing and rolling about in play. However, the colt was still weakened and the most he could easily do was laugh at their antics with a lopsided grin upon his face. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo chased each other across the floor in some sort of tag, while Dinky and Sweetie Bell were acting as obstacles to which ever filly was being chased, going so far as to try and hold them down.

Rarity had brought a saddlebag so she could finally take those dresses Derpy kept forgetting to bring over. With a muffled scream and a gag, a hyperventilating seamstress staggered out of the back rooms with a loaded saddlebag. She managed a kind enough smile as she rejoined the group and quickly engaged in a conversation with Pinkie as though to temporary forget some horrifying image.

She also refused to show anypony what laid inside her bags, which smelled strongly of expired mothballs. Derpy gave a shy little shrug, probably a little put out by the state of the contents in the bag.

Twilight wanted to find out more about those paper flyers Conquest made, but controlled her enthusiasm to casually sneaking about the house to search of any others. She was unaware that they were resting beside the colt's bed, slightly squashed by a pillow and a stuffed elephant. She was slowly growing weary of searching whilst trying, badly, to look like she was just examining the décor. Her eye twitched.

Pinkie was amazingly eloquent in speech while stuffing her face with cake and ice cream while at the same time drowning it with punch. She babbled about the cake twins, which then melted into their recent adventure against Starlight Glimmer, then that somehow seamlessly tunred into a discussion about Gummy's favorite color, then another seamless shift into how Equestria was made, then onto how oatmeal was a crazy idea. She laughed aloud before jumping into the group of playing fillies, tickling at them mercilessly.

"Com'on, Conquest, join the fun," she called to the colt with a wave of her hoof while a determined Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were attempting to bring her down. A thought popped into her head as the fillies unsuccessfully tried to overturn the daughter of a rock farmer. "Ooh, can I call you Conner? Con Mane? Coney Isle? Sally? no wait, that's a filly's name. It doesn't even sound like a nickname. What about..."

"Name is Conquest," Conquest told her in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately, he didn't know Pinkie.

"Com'on, everypony loves a nickname," she persisted with a cheerful smile. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Concrete, because your solid. Contest, because you... no that's silly. Conifer, like a tree. Conrad, because it just sounds silly. Congo, sounds dangerous. You like dangerous, right. Of course you do, stallions...," she paused and looked over at Rainbow Dash and leaned forward to whisper the rest, "...and tomboys love dangerous."

"Hey I don't mind being called a tomboy, you don't have to whisper it," Rainbow Dash said with a roll of her eyes while she hovered over to Pinkie Pie, irritated. "Besides, you don't seem to mind it, Pinkie."

"That's because I'm stark-raving bonkers," Pinkie said with a goodhearted chuckle.

Rainbow Dash turned towards Twilight, who was rummaging noisily through some shelves much to the confusion of Amethyst and Derpy. "Hey, Twilight, can we use that as a confession of insanity?"

"Pinkie Pie isn't insane, Rainbow Dash, stop asking," Twilight said with a huff as she moved on from the bookcase to the kitchen. There immediately followed the sound of crashing pots. "It's not as bad as it sounded."

"Mom, should I be worried," Amethyst said, leaning in close to her mother, who wrapped a protective wing about her barrel.

"I... don't think so," Derpy said in an attempt to reassure her.

Fluttershy sighed from her place over by the table, nibbling a little bit of cake, while gazing about the room. She had greeted Derpy with a smile, just like every time she delivered her mail, and Amethyst and Dinky were a little young to intimidate her. Foals were different from adult ponies, they were curious and often naïve, just like some of her forest friends, and they were rarely mean, often misunderstood, so she was comfortable enough with coming to the party. But, she was more of an observer and small conversationalist, complimenting things here and there while keeping and eye out for trouble. The playing foals didn't bother her, it was usually a sure sign that there was no danger in the area. She briefly considered if she should write a book about her observation in nature.

"Contrived?" Pinkie said, continuing her debate with Conquest.

"Conquest," he replied flatly.

"Controversial?"

"Conquest."

"Convergence?"

"Conquest."

"Constitution?"

"Conquest."

"Conan?"

"...Conquest."

"Consternation?"

"Conquest."

"Chuck?"

"Conquest."

"Pancake?"

"Conquest."

"Conway?"

"Conquest."

The little fillies and Rainbow Dash were giggling at the two, Pinkie's bubbly personality clashing against Conquest's more stoic and deadpanned nature. Pinkie, undeterred in the slightest, listed off dozens of names, while Conquest gave his simple reply. Then Apple Bloom, sitting on Pinkie's back, attempted to come up with some nicknames as well, soon joined by the other fillies and even Rainbow Dash. The onslaught of names beings voiced all at once was beginning to grow a bit much for the colt, and a meltdown might have been in progress if not for the lady of the house cutting in with a board game.

Derpy had seen Rainbow Dash and Pinkie getting carried away with the fillies, and immediately moved in for an intervention, grabbing the first board game that came to hoof. Scrabble. The first round, after a short explanation of the rules, consisted of Dinky, Conquest, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo was the first to come in last, after Sweetie Belle won the first with "cantankerous". Apple Bloom took her spot and actually came in first this time with "malus domestica" (Twilight had to be called in to prove it was real [apple]). Dinky took her loss with dignity and was replaced with Amethyst. Apple Bloom won the next round with "pie" (she landed on a triple-score space). Derpy replaced Sweetie Belle and gave her adopted daughter a hoofbump before the competed. It was a an extremely close game, but Derpy had to concede with Amethyst came up with "parsimony" (though Amethyst suspected her mother was just being charitable). Pinkie Pie took her place and won the next round with "panzershrek" (Twilight was disheveled at being called away from her search again to prove a word existed). Apple Bloom gave a shrug as her sister replaced her and then won with "calisthenics". Pinkie bounced away and was replaced by Rainbow Dash, who lost in a landslide while Amethyst won with "confrontation". Fluttershy replaced the indignant pegasus mare. Amethyst won again with "ginormous", Applejack left with a dignified tip of her hat. Rarity came in next and won with "glamorous", ousting an accepting Fluttershy. A rather disgruntled Twilight was brought in to play and everypony sat and watched as she won two games, getting rid of Amethyst with "irritated", and then Rarity "aggravated". Now it was a final match between pegasus colt and the alicorn mare. no one dared make a noise even though it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Twilight came off to a good start with "telegram". Conquest caught some attention with "station". Twilight made "dry" on a triple-score space. Conquest crossed it with "press", giving him a small lead. Twilight took the P and made "paper". Conquest made "flyer".

Tiwlight froze upon suddenly seeing the pattern that Conquest was making. She hadn't watched the other games, save for the occasional time she had to be brought in to verify a word, but it seemed nopony else had seen the pattern. He was completely phrases with the other players' words, probably not even intent on winning. A smile crossed her face as she spelled out "where". She bit her lip as she waited to see if he would answer her question or just finish a phrase.

She nearly whooped when he put down "bed". She then added "room", finishing the last of her pieces. She was certain she would win, when she suddenly felt bad for beating a foal. Maybe she could take back her pieces. It was his party after all. And he hadn't won all night, she knew because they would call out the winner's names loudly at the end of every game. It just didn't seem right. She was brought out of her thoughts when a loud gasp issued out from the audience. She looked down at the board and found that Conquest had used the R in "room" to make "victory".

She look over at Conquest and watched him give a subtle shrug with his stub. He had won with both style and grace, playing everypony along until the end match where he had stolen victory with a few motions of his hoof. Twilight couldn't help but laugh. "Yep. You earned it, buddy. You get bragging rights for beating..."

"Ponyville's biggest egghead," Rainbow Dash interceded with a laugh. "Don't know if I would be too proud of that."

Twilight gave her a glare.

"Twilight, if you wanted to see those paper things so bad, all you had to do was ask," Derpy said with a comical roll of her eyes.

Twilight cringed at the realization that Derpy had caught on to what was going on. She gave a nervous chuckle and sighed. "I... um, uh..."

"I'll get them," Amethyst said as she trotted off with a chuckle of her own.

The fillies whooped and cheered, and started to dance around Conquest in congratulations of his winning, having been told by Derpy not to physically touch him unless he offered first. The grown mares laughed when Conquest, drunk with his flawless victory, threw his foreleg around Sweetie Belle's neck and pulled her into a hug. She struggled to release herself from him, slightly disgusted by stubs and scars. He let her go and let out a great laugh that was disproportionate to his size, making the mares laugh even louder, joined by all the fillies, save Sweetie Belle, who was trying to shake off the feeling of being close to those scars.

"Aah, Sweetie, that was rude," Rarity teased. "Quite a few mares would have loved being embraced by a stallion covered in honorary battle scars."

"He wasn't in a battle," Sweetie Belle protested, much to the delight of her sister.

"Oh, but surviving days in a pile of rocks without food or water, unable to move and no one around to hear you, is most certainly a battle. Of sorts. Hmmm, I wonder how my proposal is going over with the mayor." She tapped her chin thoughtfully, hoping something would be done about that horrible Widow's Walk.

"There a little smashed, but I'm sure they'll be just fine," Amethyst said as she walked back into the room while carrying the paper butterflies in her magic. They were quickly taken Twilight's own and she manically began to look them over, noting differences in design between them and sorting them into groups, almost completely ignoring everything else.

"Oh, sorry, thank you," she said over her shoulder at the maturing filly.

Amethyst shrugged and moved over to watch as Pinkie Pie began to wind film through the projector. The party pony was giggling as she put the film in and flicked on the light so she could determine where to put the screen. It took a brief moment with Amethyst's help and then she called everypony over as she produced buckets of popcorn from hammerspace.

Everypony sat down as the lights went out and the projector began humming ominously. Conquest sat next to Derpy, who cautiously put a wing around him, when he seemed fine with it, she pulled him close, doing the same with Dinky on her other side. She set one popcorn tub on her lap so the two foals and herself could have easy access. The film came to life with a black and white title: "The Night the Bear Ate Goomba". It starred a renowned comedian, Pat McManes, often, if not always, associated with an outdoorsy theme. Sound wasn't developed yet, so caption cards and expressions had to tell the story rather than dialogue.

Then a loud knock came upon the door. There was a groan throughout the collective audience. Pinkie sighed as she turned off the projector and turned on the lights. Derpy ran a hoof through her mane and opened the door to see who it was.

A blue pegasus mare with a no-nonsense glare and black uniform stood their, feathers ruffled after a long, unwanted flight. She cleared her throat and addressed Derpy with snobbish tone.

"Is this the residence of a Mrs. Ditzy Doo?"

"Guilty as charged," Derpy said, eyeing her over suspiciously. What came next made her gasp.

"Then, as secondary lawyer to the Cloudburst family, I bring the warrant and papers necessary to relinquish custody of Heavenly Conquest from you and back into the family bloodline. This is effective immediately, please do not make me get the guards."

Author's Notes:

Cliffhanger

Sorry this chapter took so long. We felt the story was missing something, and we didn't want it to be a super fluff story, so we decided to have the vile Cloudbursts try to take back their disowned colt. Any guesses as to why? Well, you're all wrong. Maybe...

Please Like, favorite or leave a comment. Now that the standard begging for attention is over. Till next time.

Oh, yeah, how many of you got the Patrick McManus reference?

The Calm Before the Storm

You could have heard a pin drop. In fact, that pin could have coughed up a hairball an no pony would have noticed as they all stared transfixed at the Pegasus mare outside the door. She had a poker face that would have beaten a statue. Derpy's eyes were aligned and super focused now at this unexpected revelation.

"W-what?" she finally managed to squeeze out her throat. She suddenly realized that she had been holding her breath.

The mare sighed and rolled her eyes. "My employer has sent me to retrieve his great grandson from... less than ideal living conditions. Rest assured, any trouble his presence may have caused will be compensated."

"Oh, no-no, he's been no trouble," Derpy said in a low voice. "But, I thought that his family disowned him. That's why he was on a wait list for the orphanage."

The mare groaned, visibly annoyed by how long it was taking. "No paperwork was every officially written up. Sir Cloudburst is..."

"W-w-wait," Rainbow Dash suddenly said, flying over and looking over the lawyer with a skeptical eye. "Sir Cloudburst?"

The lawyer nodded.

"Sir Cloudburst? Inventor of the Dramatic Funeral Weather?" the multi-colored pegasus said in shock.

"Also correct."

"Fifth richest pony in Equestria? The one who turned down an offer of nobility on the grounds he refused to let his children inbreed?"

The lawyer grew a little red in the face. "Yyyeah. That would be him. Though technically, that offer is still open to him. Though he did accept that knighthood. As eccentric as the stallion is, he does make a valid... What in heahave ven's name am I doing? I've got a zeppelin to catch. Please relinquish the child."

Derpy was about to say something, but then Twilight stepped up. A flash of recognition crossed the lawyer's face and she bowed swiftly.

"Y-your highness, Princess Twilight. What are you doing here?"

Twilight cocked her eyes at the mare. Something was off about her. But she just couldn't place it. "I was visiting a friend. That is what the Princess of Friendship is expected to do, after all."

The lawyer rose and nodded while she swallowed a nervous lump. "Of-of course, your majesty. I didn't mean anything by it."

"So, you're here for Conquest?" Twilight asked, looking back at the fillies, who seemed to have a taken a liking to the colt, gathered around him in confusion. Then she turned back to the mare and cleared her throat. "Do you have the proper paperwork and signatures?"

The lawyer nodded and pulled a few parchments from a pocket, hoofing them over hurriedly. She gave a crooked smile as the princess looked them over with careful eyes. After several drawn out minutes she nodded and passed them back.

"They're in order," Twilight said in a low satisfied voice. "Although, if I may ask, what brought on this sudden change of heart for the Cloudburst family?"

"Excluding Sir Cloudburst," the lawyer pointed out as she pocketed the papers. "He's been... very ill. Certain family members with otherwise selfish motives may have been exercising certain privileges they thought they had in order to gain an advantage."

"What?" Derpy exclaimed loudly. "Abandoning a cripple family member just so they can have a bigger muffin when great grandpappy kicks the bucket? That's... that's..."

"The word you're looking for doesn't belong in polite company," the lawyer said. Although she seemed a little surprised at Derpy's reaction. As though she hadn't expected her to be so upset. "Anyway. Can we move this along? I happen to like my bed."

"But, we're in the middle of a party," Pinkie said as she popped up next to lawyer, giving her a start.

"Be that as it may, I am obligated to fulfill my employer's request. This way I can be comfortable and eat three square meals a day."

"Can't you just wait..." Pinkie began.

"No," the lawyer groaned. "I'm going to be late as it is."

"But it's his party," Derpy pointed out, hope in her voice.

"And he's a little colt who's up past his bedtime," the lawyer pointed out in return. Something was off about her voice. Like it was straining to hide conflict. "He's probably on the verge of falling asleep anyway. The zeppelin suite will be a perfect place for him to sleep."

"But...," Derpy began.

Twilight put a hoof on the mailmare's shoulder and shook her head warningly. "She's right, Derpy. No matter how horribly some of his family may have treated him, she has full legal rights to take him. holding him from his family would be kidnapping. I understand, you're a mother, and you would hate anypony that would abuse a foal. But, don't worry, as a princess I can have a few checkups made here and there. I'm sure that'll be enough to dissuade any child abuse."

"But mommy they're picking on me," Derpy said in a snarky singsong voice that drew looks of shock.

"What?" Twilight asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Derpy scowled at her. "When you were a filly, did telling anypony in authority there was a problem ever really solve anything?" Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but Derpy cut her off. "I don't mean little things, like a spat between friends, or needing a little help here and there. I mean real problems. Did the bullies ever stop? Did the neighbor's dog keep chasing you? Did your mother just tell you your exaggerating? Did your father say 'toughen up'? Well, what was it, Princess Twilight?"

Twilight and everypony just stared at Derpy for a long, drawn out minute. Finally, Twilight lowered her head and sighed. "There's nothing I can do, Derpy. I'm just as bound by the law as you are. Those are supreme court orders, Mr. Cloudburst must be very connected, and you can only dispute those if you..."

Derpy held up a hoof to silence her, her face becoming softer. "I understand, Princess..."

"Twilight, Derpy," Twilight said in a reassuring tone.

"...Twilight," Derpy sniffed, not daring to meet her eyes. Which would have been hard enough already. "I'm sorry. You're right. I hate the thought of somepony abandoning there own flesh and blood, especially in a time when he needed them most. I... I'll go get him."

The ponies parted as Derpy slipped back inside gathered up Conquest, who was still in the middle of the protective fillies. The mare's mouth gained a small smile when she saw Dinky actually holding on to him protectively. It appeared her little filly had grown some familial attachment to him.

"Does 'e really gotta go, Mrs. Doo?" Applebloom asked, ears down and her lower lip quivering. "He's so much fun. We were thinking about making him an honorary Crusader, even if he does have his cutie mark already."

"I'm afraid," Derpy managed to say in a controlled voice. She gathered up Conquest in her forehoofs and lightly flapped back to the doorway and set him on the ground in front of the lawyer. "sorry about the delay, Miss..."

"Sustained Objection," the mare said in a light tone as she seemed transform in front of the small colt. She rubbed his head in the manner of a friend. "Hello, Heavenly Conquest. You remember me right?"

"Objection," Conquest shouted enthusiastically while pointing at the mare.

"Sustained," the mare said with a stern face, pounding her hoof on the ground like a gavel. She chuckled and wrapped a wooly scarf about his neck to keep the wind chill off and then picked him up in her mouth to set him between her wings. "He seems healthy... as can be expected after his accident. I just about strangled those brats when I read the medical report they tried hiding from Mr. Cloudburst." She looked at Twilight and put on a nervous smile. "Ah, that is to say, I wouldn't really do that , of course. I was... mad... very, very... mad."

Derpy started to feel better. This mare appeared very friendly, and Conquest seemed to trust her. Perhaps it was for the best that he was going away now. At least if Mr. Cloudburst was half as friendly as this mare.

The mare was about to take off with Conquest, but then paused, her left wing twitching strangely. She turned around and nodded to the assembled mares and fillies. "I have forgotten my manners. Thank you, for taking care of him, he's had so few friends in his life. What with his autism all it's... oddities. I've never seen him so comfortable in the presence of so many ponies. In some small way, this has been good for him. I'll make sure Mr. Cloudburst rewards you very handsomely Mrs. Doo."

Derpy opened her mouth in protest. But then remembered her little lesson about pride with Applejack and Twilight. She closed her and gave Sustained Objection a grateful smile. "It was truly my pleasure helping him. Have a nice flight home you two."

Objection smiled and turned about, flapped her wings and flying away into the night. "Lets go see GG, Conquest."

The mares and fillies all watched as they disappeared and then all eyes turned on Derpy who sighed heavily. "I'm gonna miss him."

Rarity put an leg around Derpy's barrel and chuckled. "I don't know how you do it, Derpy. A biological daughter, an adopted daughter, and foster foal. Well, I'm sure you'll se him again someday."

"Let's go back inside before we all start crying," Derpy chuckled as she slipped out of Rarity's hug. "Let's let the fillies finish the flick, say that ten times fast, and call it a night."

Tears were still shed. In hysterical laughter at the reel. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie almost coughed up their lungs several times, and Rarity managed to make a guttural guffaw in a very ladylike fashion. But then it was over and projector put away. The leftovers were left over for the Doo family, and all the fillies said their bittersweet goodbyes. When they were all gone, Derpy sent the girls bed so she could do a little cleaning and thinking alone.

It had been an interesting few weeks with Conquest. Tomorrow she would need to contact the right authorities to let them know Conquest was no longer in her charge. Then she would concentrate on the family reunion. She paused for a moment as she was dumping streamers in the trashcan. She reached into a pocket and pulled out some folded adoption papers she had just procured that day. All that was missing was the signature of one small colt. She dropped them in the trash in a couple of tears in her eyes. But then, she shook it off and reminded herself that he was probably better off now.

Sustained Objection seemed really nice, his great grandfather could probably get him some unicorn magic medicine. More than she could have done for him. She tossed some more streamers on top so that they wouldn't be discovered and then stretched her back.

"Enough, Derpy," she told herself. "All you need is a good night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow there will be fewer responsibilities, things will go back to normal, and Dinky and Amethyst will try to wake up before I do and get sick on cake and ice cream. I'll let them, they deserve. And now I'm talking to myself. Com'on girl, you're not old enough to go crazy yet."

She trotted to her room and didn't even bother with washing up. She collapsed on her bed with loud crumpling noise. Her eyes shot open at that. Neither her body nor the bed were supposed to make that sound. She lifted her mattress and found the now wrinkled documents Future Luna had given her.

"But, apparently you're old enough to start losing your memory," she muttered to herself. She grabbed the documents and lit a candle. She felt she might forget it entirely if she didn't at try to read some now.

With a great yawn, she opened it up and began to reading the pages. Half an hour later, she was streaking through the sky after the zeppelin in a Shadowbolt costume and wearing an eye patch.

Author's Notes:

We profusely apologize for being late with this chapter

And we'd like a moment of silence for all those headcannons about the Griffon Empire that were destroyed today in the Idol of Griffonstone.

If anyone's upset about us not writing what happened in the movie reel, it's because we didn't want to plagiarize. You can find Patrick McManus's story "The Night the Bear Ate Goomba" elsewhere on the internet. Or even at your local library.

Anyway, please like, favorite, and comment, or show to your friends, thank you for reading, be back with a new chapter... soon?