Setting Him Free
There he went, walking away from me. I smiled the best I could even though he didn't look back, but my cheeks were starting to hurt. I tried to ignore it and keep the grin from falling, but it only started to hurt more and more. By the time he was no longer visible, I had given up and let my lips droop.
I slowly turned around and saw the 'Welcome to Ponyville' sign. Its letters were in the shade because the setting sun was in the opposite direction. I squinted my eyes to keep them from getting hurt by the glare, but it was of no use and decided to drop my head entirely. I stared at the ground and trudged back into Ponyville.
Since it was almost nighttime, there was barely anypony outside. Ponyville was nowhere near as big or lively as the hustling Manehattan or the bustling Canterlot. He probably went to those cities a lot.
But occasionally, there would be somepony trying to get home or to a friend's house. As they passed by, they said 'hi' to me. For each of them, my head bounced up and I said 'hi' back. It made them smile as they continued on their way, but my head fell back down the moment I couldn't see them anymore.
I started to replay the words he said to me as I continued.
"I'm sorry, but I just don't see you that way. I like you a lot, but I don't think it will work out..."
"Even if I did like you in that way, I wouldn't be able to stay with you for a very long time. There's always a party that needs me. Even if it's at the far edge of the world, I would have to go there. I don't think that would make you happy..."
"I think it would be best if we just stayed friends..."
I knew he wasn't being mean. I also knew that he didn't want to hurt me. But why were those words cutting into me?
I thought about it more and more, but I wasn't finding any relief. In fact, I was slowly getting sad. There was nothing in the world that I hated more than sadness. It was like getting a tummy ache that you couldn't get rid of. Actually, sadness was the second thing I hated more than anything. The first thing was when I got my friends sad. I made it my duty to make sure that everypony was always happy, even if it meant hiding my own sadness. But sometimes, that was really hard for me to do.
I looked up and saw Sugarcube Corner, which made me think of the Cakes, which made my tummy hurt. But I stretched my lips to create a large smile. I also made sure to put some hop into my step.
I saw the door getting closer and closer until it was within my reach. I pushed the door open and saw Mr. Cake wiping the front counter. He must have had some sort of Cake Sense because he immediately looked up and saw me.
"Good evening, Pinkie," he said.
"Hi, Mr. Cake!" I cheered as I bounced toward the stairs.
"How was the Mayor's birthday party?"
"It was great!" I said as I flourished my hoof upward for effect, "Cheese Sandwich was there and the two of us worked together to make the bestest birthday bash ever!"
I then lowered my hoof and calmed myself down.
"Did you have fun, Mr. Cake?" I asked.
"We did have fun, but we couldn't stay for the whole thing. There were still non-partying customers that we had to attend to."
I was slightly jolted by the fact that not everypony came to one of his parties, but I tried to remain focused.
"Oh, well that's too bad for them. I guess parties aren't for everypony."
I started to feel pain again as those words replayed in my mind. I kept that smile on my face, but there was some resistance forming on my cheeks wanting them to drop the act. I had to get away from anypony and be alone in my room.
I ascended the stairs with such smoothness. I was glad that Mr. Cake didn't say anything else to me. With no one in sight, my fake smile died out and replaced with a small frown.
It didn't take long for me for to reach my bedroom door. Grabbing the knob, I gently turned it and pushed the door open. Orange light beamed through the window and reflected against my bed and parts of the floor. Despite this, most of the room was now shrouded in darkness.
I trudged over to my bed and lied myself down. Sure, there was still some light left, but I thought that a little extra sleep would have done me good.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. I told myself that everything would be better in morning.
"I'm sorry, but I just don't see you that way. I like you a lot, but I don't think it will work out..."
"What was that?" I asked myself, "I didn't hear anything."
I got myself relaxed underneath my blanket and envisioned a sweet, delicious cupcake. It had brown frosting, green sprinkles, and a yellow bottom. I had it in my hoof and it was so tempting that I couldn't help myself. I stuffed it in my mouth....but it didn't taste like a cupcake at all. It tasted just like.....cheese.
I didn't have anything against the taste of cheese, but it just didn't feel right in a cupcake. It was like taking a regular cupcake and putting it in the middle of a....cheese sandwich....
It was just flat out not right. I spat it out and the bits and crumbs fell to the floor. But I still had that weird taste in my mouth. And it only got worse and worse. It started to feel bad and then it felt awful.
"I just don't see you that way."
"I still can't hear you. It's really hard to hear, you know."
I looked up to see the refrigerator. I opened it and found a carton of chocolate milk. I ripped it open and chugged the whole thing down, hoping to make that gross taste go away. But I was wrong. The awfulness that was going on in my mouth continued to get worse. And just when I thought it couldn't get any more bad:
"I just don't see you that way."
My eyes flickered open. It was at that moment where I realized that this wouldn't just go away. Tummy aches went away with time, so why couldn't sadness?
Staring at the dark ceiling above me, I thought about Cheese— the one that was supposed to be mine. The two of us had a lot in common. We both loved parties and making others smile. He had a Cheesie Sense and I had a Pinkie Sense. His mane was curly and mine was too. The two of us used to be very not happy until we learned how to smile and throw parties. With all this, I thought he would be the frosting to complete my cupcake. I wanted him to be just that.
Everypony was my friend and I loved them all, but not in the way special someponies loved each other. But in my eyes, Cheesie was different. And in all the friends he has made, I thought he saw me the same way too. We were just perfect together and I didn't want it to be any other way.
I had felt this way for months after Rainbow Dash's birthiversary and I had dreams of him too. My love had built up so much and the idea of professing to him seemed so good to me. But since he didn't come back to Ponyville for so long, it had only caused those feelings to grow until they were so big, I couldn't keep it in.
When he suddenly reappeared today for the Mayor's birthday, I was so happy that I jumped in the air. Throughout the day, my heart was thumping so much that it could just break free. After all those months, I was so pumped to tell him what he meant to me.
But now I was a popped balloon. All that buildup was gone and there was no payoff at all. I felt like I had just wasted so much energy for nothing.
Although there was not much to see, the featureless ceiling was becoming blurry. I then felt something warm and wet rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that I was crying. Me, Pinkie Pie, crying.
I slid my hoof from under the blanket and used it to wipe my eyes, but both of them stung really bad. I then turned my head toward the window and saw that the sky was still black. I was relieved that it wasn't morning yet, but even with that, I still wasn't feeling good.
I thought Cheese loved everypony and I thought he loved me. If he did, then he would have wanted to be my coltfriend. Wasn't that how love worked?
But....
"Wait a minute......" I said to myself.
If that was true, then why wasn't Mr. Cake my coltfriend, or Big Mac, or even Mr. Waddles? If friend meant love for everything, then why wasn't Fluttershy my special somepony? I would have been in love with everyone in Ponyville. I couldn't possibly imagine having to go on dates with all of them. I couldn't call all of them "special someponies", because then they wouldn't be special.
But that still would have been kind of silly. The thought of me racing around, frantically giving everypony flowers and candy was funny enough to make me giggle.
Alright, that was one sign of me getting better, but there was still that lost hope of never calling Cheesie mine. That mean storm cloud still floated over my head.
I really wanted to have Cheese as my coltfriend anyway. I really wanted the two of us to be two party ponies in love. That thought of the two of us going around Equestria excited me so much.
"Even if it's at the far edge of the world, I would have to go there. I don't think that would make you happy..."
"I could come with you. We'd be the two bestest party ponies in Equestria in love!"
"But what about your friends in Ponyville? I'm sure they would miss you very much if you came with me."
Oh....
I wasn't thinking about that part when he said it.
"I don't think that would make you happy..."
It was only now that I realized that he was right. If we did get into a relationship, it wouldn't have mattered. It would have been months before he would have come back. We wouldn't have been able to go on a lot of dates or spend time together. And he would have been right if I had gone with him. All that time away from Ponyville would have made me miss my friends and that would have made me sad. But even worse, my friends would have missed me and they would have gotten sad. And Cheese would have gotten sad for making me sad too. It wouldn't have been fun for anypony.
Those dreams looked like so much fun and I wanted them to be true. But I guessed that's why they were only dreams.
It was then that I got it. Cheese was trying to keep me happy. He was smart enough to know how our relationship would have gone had he said 'yes'.
Maybe Cheese wasn't ready to settle down. There were still more places that he felt he had to go. It would have been wrong for me to put him in a cage. Fluttershy once told me that if you loved something, set it free. Although it hurt, I was willing to let him walk off in the sunset.