Jeffrey Noman had always wanted to travel to Equestria. But he'd never thought he'd get to.
Jeffrey Noman is an easygoing young guy. He lives his life and doesn't cause or have any problems. When suddenly he gets transported to Equestria, somehow it's not what he expected.
‘Three months of winter coolness, and awesome holidays!’
‘We've kept our hoovsies warm at home, time off from work to play!’
"Good ol Winter Wrap Up," Jeffrey Noman thought happily to himself. "The classics are always good to go back to."
Jeffrey Noman was your average everyday guy, except for his most regarded trait of liking a cartoon meant for girls, which people used to describe him as anything but average. He was an avid fan of the show, and was struggling through it's current hiatus.
Aside from this quirk, he was, quite honestly, no one special. He worked in an office of no prominence, had no friends of great social stature, and never did anything out of the ordinary.
But something very out of the ordinary was about to happen to him.
There was a knock at the door, followed a few seconds later by the start of an engine, and a car driving into the distance. “That must be my new computer!” Jeffrey was filled with excitement at the thought. “But wouldn’t something as expensive as that require a signature?”
Paying the thought no heed, Jeffrey continued to check his doorstep. Sure enough a heavy brown package was lying at his doorstep. Jeffrey practically threw it on his table inside, and ripped open the packaging like a child eager to get to the prize at the bottom of the box. When the shroud had been removed, Jeffrey lifted the piece of technology from it’s box and immediately started to hook up all the wires and plugs in the correct places. He worked deftly, and soon the job was finished. He could hardly wait to push the button, and bring his machine to life. He pressed the button, and waited.
The new system booted up perfectly, and welcomed Jeffrey with a soothing, “Hello.”
“How may I assist your technological experience today?” it continued.
Jeffrey considered this for a moment. “It’s pretty late,” he thought. “I’ll just finish my last episode for tonight, and figure all this out tomorrow. Please resume the last program running on the previous system,” he said the last part out loud, and rather eloquently.
“Did you say ‘Please immerse me in the last program running on the previous system?’” the computer replied.
Jeffrey wasn’t aware of the mistake he was about to make. “Sure, whatever you say,” he said absent-mindedly.
“Now immersing you in the previously running program…” the machine started to heat and vibrate with the end of this statement.
“Could it really take that much power…?” Jeffrey thought, and sat down in the chair at his desk, when suddenly the image on the monitor started to shine a beautiful white light, as if something were about to descend from the heavens. A strange force started to pull him towards the screen, and the last thing he saw was Twilight Sparkle trying her best to find her place to help wrap up winter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walter Swainbeck‘s chair creaked from it’s old and weary components. It was a chair that had been in his family for as long as he could remember. It hadn’t been through much else than all the years it had seen. Walter was using it now as a desk chair, probably one of the more exciting occupations it had ever held.
Walter also happened to be watching the same episode that Jeffrey had been that night, but he was just starting on his magical horse journey, so unlike Jeff, it was his first time watching it.
“God, I still don’t know why I like this show,” Walter thought to himself. “But hey,” he chuckled, “at least I’m not alone.”
Rarity was just finishing helping Fluttershy wake up all the animals for spring when suddenly a dark green Earth pony stallion walked onto the screen on both of it’s hind legs and ran awkwardly towards Walter.
“That’s odd,” Walter thought, staring at the green horse as he got closer. “What could this possibly be?”
The pony finally managed to get up so far that his face was almost coming out of Walter’s monitor. “Help me! Can anybody hear me?!” he wailed. “My name is Jeffrey Noman! Somebody, get me out of here! I just want to go home!”
Jeffrey lie in a dazed heap upon the ground. What was this he felt around him? Snow? No, it couldn’t be. He’d just fallen off of his chair right? That light had blinded him and he’d fallen over right?
Wrong. Jeffrey opened his eyes and saw a beautiful landscape blanketed in snow all around him. How did he end up here? Did he fall asleep?
A muffled groan came from somewhere underneath him. Shocked to feel something moving there, he quickly stood up, with a bit of a challenge. The source of the groan took shape, and it was angry when it stood up.
“What in the world do you think you’re doing? Was that you in that tree? You should’ve known what was going to happen! Now you’ve gone and ruined everything!”
Jeffrey tried to focus his eyes on the figure that was telling him off. Delirious, all he could see was how shockingly purple it was. Eventually, the blur faded, and he could not believe what stood before him.
It was a unicorn. And not just any unicorn, but the one and only Twilight Sparkle!
“Wha…?” Was all he could manage to say.
“Hel-lo? You can speak Equestrian right? Answer me!” the unicorn continued.
“Wha…?” Jeffrey repeated.
“Is that all you can say? ‘Wha’?” Twilight asked in rage.
“Wha...but..you…” Jeffrey managed.
“Oh good! It talks!” Twilight clapped her hooves in sarcasm. “Now will you please get out of the way? We’ve only got enough time to take that again…” Twilight trailed off and started moving the snow on the ground back into the tree where it had fallen from.
Jeffrey walked out of the way. Or, hobbled, at least. Why was he finding it so difficult to walk? He looked down at his legs.
“Green…?” He thought, and he was right. Complete dark green had replaced his legs and feet. He looked at his arms, and got the same result, green in color, and they ended in strange stubs, his legs as well. “What did I put these on for?” He thought, and tried to take them off, but when he tried to, he found that it was impossible, because those green stubs weren’t gloves, they were his hands. He felt around his face, and found his mouth and nose on something protruding off of it. “A muzzle…?” he thought. Then it hit him.
“I’m a horse!?” he cried out in questioning. He looked behind him. Sure enough, a black tail was now protruding from his rear, and the short tussle of a black mane was sat on top of his head.
He heard Twilight chuckle. “No duh you’re a horse. Most of us here are. What, did you hit your head and think you were a dragon or something?”
At this, Jeffrey panicked on the spot. His mind filled with too many unanswerable questions. Where was he? Why was he here? What had happened? Was there any way he could get back?
Twilight trotted up to him again "Will you please go away? We have to film this live now."
Jeffrey stood shocked by all that was going on. Twilight just rolled her eyes, and slowly pushed him out of the way. Twilight then started to walk towards her place. “Get ready everypony!” she shouted. “We’re going through this again! It’s got to be perfect, we’re live in 5! 4! 3! 2!” Right on cue, a large rectangle opened up in front of the scene, revealing the face of a man not unlike Jeffrey. This man seemed slightly older, with a longer face, short light brown hair, and deep brown eyes to accentuate his whole face. The face said nothing when it appeared, it only watched as Twilight carried out her role, and in a matter of seconds, the scene was over, and the rectangle disappeared. Once again, Jeffrey was dumbfounded.
“I seriously don’t understand,” was all he said.
Twilight heard this comment. “Well, you see, in the beginning, there was nothing, and then suddenly, all matter was created, leading to--”
“Yeah yeah I know that story,” Jeffrey said, glaring at Twilight. “What I don’t understand is how I got here.”
“Your parents never gave you ‘the talk’ did they?” Twilight chuckled.
“Can you be serious for a second?” Jeffrey looked Twilight straight in the eye. “I’m human. I’m a human being. From the human world. Earth,” he laughed hysterically and motioned to the landscape around him, “is not this! This is not Earth! I am not home! I am not a horse! I’m a human!”
Twilight approached Jeffrey cautiously. “Obviously you’re not well,” she started, not breaking her gaze. “I’m gonna take you to the nearest hospital, and you’ll be all fine in no time, you hear?”
“No!” Jeffrey shouted, and pushed her away. “I am not a horse! I am human!”
Then he ran. He ran as fast as he could on his two hind legs. Twilight was taken aback by the outburst and was motionless for a few seconds before giving chase. By this time, Jeffrey had reached a clearing where a white coated unicorn and a yellow coated pegasus were helping animals wake up after hibernation. There was also another rectangle.
Jeffrey took the opportunity, running up to the rectangle, he grabbed both sides and yelled, “Help me! Can anybody hear me?! My name is Jeffrey Noman! Somebody, get me out of here! I just want to go home!”
The unicorn and pegasus stood gaping at the scene, but Twilight had caught up, and launched herself at Jeffrey, shoving him out of the way of the rectangle, which closed almost immediately after.
Jeffrey struggled to get up, and Twilight struggled to keep him down. “Fluttershy, Rarity, help me! He’s...not well!” she shouted toward the other two ponies.
The unicorn and pegasus held Jeffrey down as best they could, with the help of some other nearby ponies.
“Oh my goodness,” Fluttershy said worriedly. “Is he alright? Maybe we should let him go...”
“No!” Twilight yelled, pushing down on Fluttershy’s loosening grip. “He might ruin something else!” She then directed her attention toward Jeffrey, who was still struggling on the ground. “Listen up,” she started, addressing him. “I don’t know who you are, or what your deal is, but there is no way you’re from the human world, as you so claim.”
“No way?” Jeffrey yelled, exasperated. “How can you say there’s no way? Obviously there’s some way! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here!”
“There is no way to get to the human world! If you claim to be from there, then prove it!”
Jeffrey had to think about this for several moments. Then he found something. “Fine. If what you say is true, then you’ve never been to the human world, which, in fact, is a lie, because you have been to the human world!”
Twilight perked up at that. She rushed up to Jeffrey and whispered, “How do you know about that? We’ve never told anyone about that.”
Jeffrey smirked. “Equestria Girls. That’s right, I’ve seen it. Know how? Because I’m a human.”
Twilight backed up, wide-eyed. She slowly turned around to address the crowd. “*ahem* Uh...the situation is being...taken care of. You can all return to your posts for the episode.”
Mumbling, the crowd slowly dispersed.
Twilight quickly spun around to face Jeffrey. "All right. Go through everything! How you got here, what it was like...no wait! Let me get some equipment rea-."
"TWILIGHT! Dear!" Rarity cut her off. "Please, won't you offer our guest a little room? He seems...troubled."
Twilight grinned sheepishly, and backed up a few steps. "Oh, yes, of course. Sorry," she apologized.
Jeffrey took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. "I'm calm," he thought to himself. "I'm, I'm calm a-and cool and just don't freak out okay? Don't scream or run or, or spaz or anything just breathe for a second." And so he did.
He tried to focus on something else. Who were these things around him? Ponies, that he knew. His favorite ones, in fact, were gathered around him now, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle. They really dealt with everything in this town.
He took a deep breath in and out. “Okay,” he nodded, “I’m...I’m okay.”
“Good,” Twilight started with a sigh. “Now let’s go inside shall we? Let’s try not to make a scene.”
“I think it’s a little bit late for that, dear,” Rarity commented. They all proceeded into Twilight’s treehouse, nearby.
Inside, the six made a circle around Jeffrey, just incase he tried to do anything crazy.
“Now,” Twilight started again, “we need to find out exactly how and why you’ve come to the human world. But I understand that could be a bit of a…,” she paused, and glanced at Jeffrey, who was staring blankly at a wall, and continued, “...difficult subject for you right now, so let’s start with introductions. My name is Twil-”
“Twilight Sparkle,” Jeffrey cut her off, not breaking his gaze from the wall. Then he turned to stare at her. “Your name is Twilight Sparkle. You’re a studious unicorn from Canterlot who was sent from her home to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship.” He then went on to name the rest. “And there’s Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie,” he finished surprisingly calmly.
There was an awkward silence of shock and suspicion from them all before Fluttershy spoke up.
“H-how do you know who we all are?” she asked timidly.
“Because I’m human! Isn’t that what I’ve been telling you?” Jeffrey looked around at the blank stares he was receiving, and sighed. “I suppose I’d better start from the beginning. But please, don’t strap me down this time, will you?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walter leaned back in his chair, dumbfounded.
What had he just seen?
That must have been part of the episode right? Just a gimmick, right? It'll be explained later right?
It certainly didn't seem so, and there was no way he could find out, his computer had lost connection.
"Maybe this is a sign I need to go to sleep," he thought to himself. "I must be delirious or something."
So he did. Walter, shut down his computer, turned off his desk lamp, and headed to bed, hoping things would make more sense in the morning.
After Jeffrey told his story, he gave his hosts time to process all this new information.
"And to think that all this time, we had never known technology like this existed," Twilight commented on Jeffrey's explanation of his new computer.
"You and me both," he responded. "I would have never guessed that something with that ability existed. What could people have made with that kind of power?"
"Who CARES how they did it? We've got a new guest in out midst! You know what that calls for? A PAR-".
Jeffrey cut Pinkie Pie off before she could finish. "Thanks, Pinkie, but I'm not really in the mood right now," he said quickly.
"Ohhhh, I see," Pinkie said suspiciously. "Not in the mood huh...?" She sat down and looked thoughtfully at nothing.
Jeffrey ignored this, shook his head, and rubbed his temples. "There's still one thing I don't understand," he started. "What goes on here? You haven't really told me about your world. What's with the rectangles, the acting, the...well...everything!"
"Right, I should probably explain that as well," Twilight said. "From your story, you're a pretty good fan of our show, right?"
"Right," Jeffrey responded.
"So you know that it has a bunch of big productions and different kinds of stunts and events and things like that, right?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well, the thing is, we don't have good enough technology to be able to hold all that film yet. We have to get rid of it about a week after we film it because we need to use the cameras for something else. When an episode requests to be seen, we set up and film out, and if any interruptions happen the first time, we go live. We're often scrambling for time, and we've been late on a few scenes here and there."
"What happens then? Don't people notice when there's just a blank landscape?"
"We send up a 'failed internet connection' message. Works every time."
Jeffrey knocked himself on the forehead. "To think that all this time, I never knew you knew we were here. I never even knew you were real."
"Well we'd hoped no one ever would have," Rainbow Dash said. "But now, that's not gonna work out so well..." she trailed off.
"What about the rectangles?" he asked next.
"That's the viewer. We get a screen like that whenever we have to go live," Twilight explained.
"And why is it you're doing all this?" Jeffrey asked.
"After the horror of Newborn Cuties, the franchise was failing. Our nation was in ruins. HASBRO offered to clean us up and pay us monthly if we did the show in return."
"And the 'bronies'? How long have you known about us?" Jeffrey asked next.
"I was wondering when you'd ask," Twilight answered with a chuckle. "Come over here, let me show you something."
Twilight started to walk towards one of her bookshelves. "Spike! Bring me the key, will you?" she called.
"Already got it!" he yelled as he ran towards her.
"Thank you," she said, and proceeded to take the key, as well as one of the books in the bookshelves, up with her magic. Floating the book out of the way, she placed the key in the space where the book had been. A soft *click*, then the bookshelf moved back, and to the side to reveal a small room with a single desk, a chair, and a small computer. She hopped onto the chair, and booted up the computer. Once it was ready, she pulled up a tab.
"We've got complete access to the internet from here," she continued. "BronyCon, Equestria Daily, Legends of Equestria, we know all about it. Only four years, and you've already got all this stuff? I've got to say, that's pretty impressive."
"Amazing," Jeffrey thought out loud. "Simply...amazing!"
"It's not as glamorous as you seem to be thinkin'," Applejack commented, "but it gets the bills paid."
Jeffrey trotted back into the main library, with the other ponies following behind him. "Thank you all for believing me, and letting me explain," he said, "but I would really like to get home. Is there any way to get back?"
"That's where the problem comes in," Twilight said. "You see, the human portal we have goes to a different kind of human world. I mean, did you ever see a person with purple skin? Didn't think so."
"What if we could find a way back through where you came?" Rainbow Dash suggested. "Maybe if we jammed you back into that tree, you'd zap right back home!"
"Pardon my bluntness, Rainbow, but I don't think that's exactly how trees work," Rarity replied.
"No, no, she may be on to something," Twilight said thoughtfully. "What if we could get a message through to the human world, and get someone to go to your house and get your computer running again? Perhaps a portal would open up into that tree!"
"But why would it go straight to that tree? I ain't ever seen anything significant 'bout it," Applejack said.
"Well, that's where the episode was when I was watching it," Jeffrey said, remembering back to when he got transported. "It must open up to somewhere on the scene it's showing."
Twilight was already sketching a plan out. "If we can get a message to someone on the other side to watch an episode, say, in my library, on Jeffrey's computer, we should be able to get him back!"
Rainbow Dash practically flew into Twilight's face and yelled, "But that risks...," she paused and glanced at Jeffrey,"...them finding out about us!"
"We'll have to take that risk, Rainbow," Twilight responded calmly. "We can't make Jeffrey stay here forever!"
"Yeah, I guess..." Rainbow conceded, and flew back to her spot.
"So what're we waiting for?" Let's get this stalli--er--man back home!" Pinkie yelled.
"We'll have to get a request for an episode first. One should come in soon," Twilight said to calm her down. "For now, why not make yourself at home?"
But there wasn't any time. After Twilight had finished speaking, they heard the royal ceremonial song being played from outside.
"The princesses?" Twilight said. "What could they be doing here? Maybe they knew you were coming?"
With no time to answer this question, they rushed outside to see the royal chariot just touching down from it's journey. The carriage was radiant and shimmered in the sunlight, but it's occupants did not look as bright.
"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, what are you doing here?" Twilight greeted them rather informally.
"I'm afraid we are here on behalf of your guest," the elder sister replied. "His arrival has been noted and monitored by the heads of HASBRO since he arrived. We know about your plan, and I have been given order not to let him leave."
"What?!" Twilight cried out in dismay. "But this isn't where he belongs!"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot disobey orders," she said.
"We can't let him stay here! Please princess, can't you do something?" Twilight yelled.
"We have no other choice. We mustn't let him leave."
"Then...then we'll get him home! We have to! Right, girls?"
"Yeah!" "Why of course!"
"You bet yer bottom dollar!" "We can have a REBELLION party!"
"Um, I guess so..."
"Then I'm afraid I have no choice," Celestia boomed. She spread her full wingspan, and reared up menacingly. "Twilight Sparkle, I hereby banish you and your friends to Tartarus!"
Frozen with shock and terror, they stood motionless. Princess Celestia's horn began to glow bright, and a circle engulfed Jeffrey and his new friends.
"Sister, wait!" Luna cried out. Running toward them, she flung a medium sized ball into the circle with them. Celestia smiled, nodded, and...
...winked at them?
It was too late to tell. The light consumed them, and they vanished from the grounds of Ponyville.
-------------------
Confusion was becoming a familiar feeling for Jeffrey.
"Ooooog," he groaned. "Where...where are we?"
He looked around. Dark caves surrounded them. They were in what was probably the only open clearing for miles. Chains were strapped around his legs, preventing him from moving.
Celestia had truly done it. Jeffrey and his new friends were trapped in the pits of Tartarus.
