Fluttershy's been keeping all her feelings pent-up after the Tirek incident and is only now letting them out. Discord takes it upon himself to heal all the damage he caused her.
EDIT: changed title from Recovery to Healing
Ever since the Tirek incident Fluttershy has just gotten worse and worse. She's grown depressed and keeps her feelings pent-up inside, barely leaving her cottage. But this proves to be too much for her and after one stray thought, everything that's been piling up inside spills out. When Discord sees just how much he's hurt her, he takes it upon himself to heal all the damage he's caused. The process will be long and slow, but he needs to be there for her and assure her nothing like that will ever happen again; he needs to prove just how much she means to him.
It was already 2 pm and Fluttershy was still asleep, her body curled under her covers and her mane and tail sprawled out. It was tangled and oily, as she couldn’t bring herself to bathe the past week or so. She couldn’t bring herself to do much of anything, to be honest.
Had it not been winter and all her animal friends hibernating or migrating, she would have had to force herself out of bed to care for them. But with nothing driving her to leave her cottage, she spent her days crying or getting lost in thought. It still hurt. It had hurt two weeks ago when Discord so easily threw their friendship away and it still hurt now, even though they had made up. Fluttershy couldn’t stop revisiting the incident, couldn’t stop thinking she did something wrong; couldn't stop thinking about how little she actually meant to Discord, wondering if his apology was really enough, if he really meant it, if Discord would ever do the same thing again, if she was just being a silly pony for putting so much faith in him and thinking she ever meant so much to him.
It had become a chore to eat, and she would go whole days forgetting to put anything into her system. Even when she recognized her hunger, everything tasted empty. She would walk slower and pause mid walk every now and then. She would be laying on the couch and tears would run down her cheeks without her even realizing it.
Her friends had visited her to make sure she was okay, and when they were over, the whole Tirek incident actually left her mind. She enjoyed herself with her friends and was actually really happy. So they thought she was fine and went back to their normal business. But as soon as they left, everything would come flooding back and the cycle would start anew.
Fluttershy had dealt with anxiety her whole life, and she had been depressed every now and then, but it had never been this overbearing. Normally her animal friends were there to comfort her and help her through something like this, but they were all asleep or gone for the winter. And the weather didn’t help much, either. Every time she looked outside it was bleak and empty. There were no flowers swaying in the cold winds, no critters skittering about, and the sun was barely up. And when it was it was usually covered by clouds.
She wanted to reach out to her friends for help, but she also didn’t want to make them worry. She wanted somepony to confide to, to vent to… but every time she tried to walk out of her cottage and go to one of her friends, she would find herself stopping in her tracks and turning back.
She couldn’t bring herself to do anything.
It was 2:30 now, and Fluttershy was finally starting to wake up. She stirred a bit under her blankets and pushed her head out from underneath her covers and sighed. She stretched her legs without getting up and relaxed her body again, staring out the window and looking at the snow-covered trees.
She started crying again.
I’m a mess…
Maybe if she actually ate something she’d feel better. She lay in bed thinking of what to eat: a salad… or maybe some soup… oh or maybe a cucumber sandw--
And her crying turned to wailing. She grabbed her pillow and squeezed her arms and legs around it as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded and pushed her face into it, muffling her cries. She shook her head vigorously and stood up, leaving her grip on the pillow, “NO!”
Her body began to shake all over and she snapped her jaw on the pillow and threw it at the floor and rushed downstairs away from everything and outside her cottage and burrowed herself in the snow under one of her trees and screamed. She had finally snapped and she couldn’t take it any more. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Everything she had kept pent-up since the Tirek incident had started to rush out all at once and it was just too much to take. She needed to get away from it all and just scream everything out. She lifted her head out from of the snow and wailed at the sky, tears rushing down her face and her already ruffled mane clinging to her fur from all the sweat and tears she had been secreting. Her throat started to get sore but she couldn’t stop. Not now. She had already started and she needed to get everything out. She didn’t care how cold the snow was around her submerged body or how the icy wind burned her face or how her wings were getting stiff from the cold… She screamed again, and again, and again. Her tears were freezing on her face but she couldn’t stop.
“YOU HURT ME DISCORD,” she cried out into the emptiness around her, “YOU HURT ME So much,” she started to sniffle, lowering her head and calming down. She lowered her voice to a whisper, “what did i do wrong…”
Then she heard a soft voice. “Oh Fluttershy… you did nothing wrong.”
She turned her head toward the voice and saw Discord sitting a few feet in front of her, head hanging low and averting his eyes to the snow in front of him. He slowly turned his gaze to the pegasus before him and saw with his own eyes what he had done to her. Her mane and tail were disheveled and clung to her tear-stained face. Her wings were frozen stiff against her body, an almost a light blue from the cold. She was shaking all over and her face was a bright pink from crying, and she had the deepest bags under her swollen eyes.
Discord began to shake and his voice hitched as he took in a breath. “Oh Fluttershy,” he choked as he stood up and tried to close the distance between them. He lowered his body and was about to embrace Fluttershy in the warmest hug he could, wanting to thaw all the frost collecting on her body and wipe away her tears and heal her from everything he had done-- when he saw her flinch.
She started to shake even more, mixed emotions gathering on her face. But of all of them, anger seemed to be the most prominent. She stood from her spot and Discord could see tears begin to form in her eyes. “You think you can just,” she sniffed, “show up after two weeks and pretend a hug will fix everything? Discord you meant the world to me and I… I thought I meant something to you, too. I, I thought you valued what we had.” She lowered her voice, “you hurt me, Discord…”
Then she sat down, head lowered, and gasped for air.
Discord just stood there, staring at the pegasus before him before sitting down, too. Then in an uncharacteristically soft and level tone, “I know.”
This caught her attention and she raised her head, staring into his eyes. To her surprise, he hadn’t been averted his gaze. He was looking straight at her, with the most serious look on his face.
“I know I hurt you, Fluttershy,” he continued, “I’ve hurt you more than I can ever apologize for and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to you. I thought that,” he gulped and shuddered at the name, “Tirek could offer me something more than friendship. But there is nothing more and I can’t just snap my fingers and fix everything this time. Friendship’s not that simple and I know that now.
“Fluttershy you mean the world to me, and if I could go back in time and stop all of that from happening I would,” he started to cry.
He lowered his gaze. But Fluttershy didn’t. She remained there, still as a statue as she continued to stare at him, taking in every word he said.
“I had no idea you were in such a state. You looked so cheerful when we parted ways after the whole… incident. But I should’ve known better and I shouldn’t have just left. I just, I just thought giving you space would be best. I came over today to surprise you and catch up, but,” he put his face in his hands, “seeing you in such a state...” He raised his head and looked into Fluttershy’s eyes and slowly reached out his paw, being ready to pull back if she showed any sign of resistance. But she didn’t. She just continued to stare back at him, a blank expression on her face. “Fluttershy if I had known I had hurt you so much I would’ve never left your side. I would’ve stayed with you and let you get everything out and done everything I could to mend what I had broken. And… if you’ll let me,” his breath hitched as more tears started to fall down and his lion paw made contact with her face, “I’d like to do that now.” He cupped her cheek, still waiting for any sign she wanted him to stop.
She drew in a quick breath and hiccuped, more tears starting to form, causing Discord to draw his paw back just before she lunged forward and wrapped her hooves around him, burrowing her head into his fur and crying.
Discord was drawn back for a moment but his face softened and he closed his eyes as he slowly returned the embrace. His body arched over to keep her warm, one arm snaking into her tangled hair, holding her close, and the other methodically rubbing her back, hoping to help calm her. Tears trickled down his face as he soothed the shaking pegasus in his arms and his embrace tightened just a bit. He needed to keep her safe and help her heal. He needed to show her he would never betray her again. He needed to be there for her.
“I’m going to teleport us inside,” he whispered in as soft a voice he could, and waited for her to nod against his fur before snapping his tail.
Discord used his magic to start a fire in the fireplace and lay down plenty of layers of blankets in front of it before levitating him and Fluttershy on top of the pile. He held her close as she continued to shake in his arms and cry into his chest. He curled around her on the blankets and rubbed circles on her back until her breathing slowed and her body grew limp against his. As soon as he was sure she was asleep he snapped his tail and turned the already dimmed lights off. The fire crackled throughout the night as Discord kept watch over Fluttershy, keeping her warm and rubbing her back when she shook from nightmares, a solemn look on his face.
Fluttershy couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black around her and she had no idea where she was. No sounds, no smells, no texture under her hooves… as far as she could tell she wasn’t even standing on anything. She wasn’t so much scared though as she was tired. She lay down and curled up, closing her eyes and trying to drift away.
Just as she was about to fall asleep, though, she started to hear some sort of thumping music in the distance and something bright started to flicker in front of her. She groggily opened her eyes and lifted her head to see thousands of flashing lights way far off into the distance and the music faded to a quiet hum.
What is that?
She got up on her hooves and started walking towards the colorful lights. It seemed like she had been walking for hours when she started to feel grass under her hooves. Looking down, she still couldn’t see anything, but it was nice to actually feel like she was walking on something, so she continued.
The lights were still far away, and she still couldn’t see what they were, but Fluttershy was making progress. They had gotten somewhat brighter and the music started to get slightly louder. But there was still so much distance to cover.
Fluttershy sighed and took another step. But as soon as her hoof hit the ground the blackness started to fly past her, the grass whisking underneath her and her mane and tail sweeping back, flapping behind her as the far-off lights came into focus and the distant music became increasingly louder.
It was a carnival.
Whatever force that had pulled her there instantly stopped and her body tumbled forward in front of a colorful arch which she assumed was the entrance. Fluttershy stood up and shook her head, trying to reorient herself, and looked up. Beyond the entrance was a huge ferris wheel, countless colorful booths and tents scattered about, a giant roller coaster running behind everything, and a brightly lit carousel off to the side.
“Oh this place is beautiful.” She reflected on how she had always wanted to visit a carnival but could never handle the crowds. But this place seemed like the perfect one to start at. Eagerly, she trotted through the arch and wandered around, looking at all the colorful booths to see what lay inside. One of them was for a ring toss game and another had stacks of bottles piled-up. There was one over there filled with stuffed animals and another with popcorn and soda, and that one by the roller coaster had cotton candy and other sweet treats.
The music got slightly louder and caught her attention. Where was it even coming from? She didn’t see any speakers or anypony playing… Maybe it was an enchantment…
She looked up at the ferris wheel in all its splendorous lights and how they seemed to flicker in sync with the music. She looked closer though and noticed there wasn’t anypony in the cars. Come to think of it, there wasn’t anypony in the booths either, or anypony walking around.
Fluttershy started to shake at the realization and backed up before she turned around and galloped towards the arch, wanting to get away. How did I not notice that earlier? She started to cry as she neared the exit, but right as she was about to run through it the arch collapsed and the darkness started to creep inside, crawling over the fallen structure and submerging it into its depths so that it seemed to have never existed. Fluttershy skidded to a halt and frantically turned around. The lights that weren’t being absorbed grew brighter and the music started to thump louder. The darkness was coming in from all sides now and Fluttershy retreated to the center of the carnival, in front of the ferris wheel. It started to creek and Fluttershy looked up at it with her tear-stained eyes and saw it start to bend and grow, arching back as it stretched out, screws flying out as its support beams pulled out from the ground. The front ones pulled up as the wheel continued to arch back, then slammed down as it lunged forward, a snarling face created by the mangled pillars that stretched out from the center, its eyes lined with red and yellow lights. The cars jingled and started to bounce up and down with the still increasing thumps as the ferris wheel roared her name in sync with them, inching closer and closer to her.
“FLUT-TER-SHY
“FLUT-TER-SHY
“FLUT-TER-SHY”
The pegasus screamed at the top of her lungs as her body shook mercilessly.
“FLUT-TER-SHY
WAKE UP”
And she opened her eyes, seeing a pair of red and yellow orbs in front of her. She choked out a scream and pushed back, getting on her hooves and backing up before bumping into a wall and falling down, covering her face as she curled in on herself, her body trembling.
Something rested itself on her back and a soft voice sounded in her ears. “Fluttershy, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
Discord had fallen asleep at around noon. He promised himself he’d stay awake for Fluttershy but he hadn’t expected her to be crashed-out so long. He told himself just a quick nap before he returned to his post and wrapped his body around her. It was mainly to keep her warm, but also to ensure he woke up to sooth her if she started to shake.
Which she did. Discord woke up to see her trembling at his side. He would’ve just rubbed her back until she stopped like earlier, but he could see tears trickling down her muzzle and whimpers escaping her mouth.
“Fluttershy,” he whispered. “Fluttershy, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He started to run his paw down her spine and wrap his body tighter around her.
She only trembled more, which raised Discord’s concern. He set his paw and claw on her shoulders and gently shook her, “Fluttershy wake up. Wake up Fluttershy, it’s just a dream. It’s only a dream.” Just then her eyes shot open. Discord was about to wrap her in a hug when she choked out a scream and pushed him away, crying.
He saw her back up against a wall and curl up.
Discord pushed himself on his haunches and slowly made his way to the frightened pegasus, full of worry.
He reached out his paw and gently laid it on her back. “Fluttershy, it’s okay. It’s okay,” he hushed. He rested his body on the floor next to her and ran his paw back and forth. “Everything’s gonna be fine,” he whispered. “I’m right here and I’m not gonna let anything hurt you; you’re safe. It was all just a bad dream dear, you’re safe. You’re safe.”
Her wimpers stopped and her ears perked up slowly. She raised her head just a bit and peaked at him through her mane. Discord reached out his eagle claw and cupped her cheek through her hair, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. “It’s okay.”
She blinked a few times and then pushed her head past his and burrowed it into his neck. “Oh Discord,” she choked, “it was so awful.”
Discord wrapped his body around hers in a hug as she continued.
“It was pitch black and then th-there was this, this carnival,” she started to weeze again, “and it was just so beautiful Discord, you would’ve l-loved it.” She wrapped her hooves around the draconequus, “but there was no-nopony there and the darkness, it s-started to come inside and th-then. Oh it was awful!” She buried her head deeper into his fur. “The ferris wheel, it, it came to life and roared and it was the most frightening thing I’ve e-ever seen!” She squeezed her hooves around him tighter. “I-it had these s-sharp teeth and the sc-scariest eyes. T-they,” and she reeled back and stared Discord in the face to explain just how menacing there were, but upon seeing his yellow and red eyes, the ferris wheel's eyes, gasped and started crying uncontrollably. “Oh D-Discord I-I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. “I-I..” she started to pull herself from Discord’s embrace and backed up, avoiding his confused look. “I-I can’t believe I…” She rushed upstairs before she could finish her sentence.
Discord sat there for a moment, confused. But then he remembered how Fluttershy screamed when she woke up and saw him, how she was describing the monster ferris wheel and it's eyes. It wasn't hard to put two and two together.
The monster in her dream had his eyes…
Fluttershy
His first thought was to comfort her and he started rushing up the stairs, but then thought it would be better to give her some time alone and stopped. But he did that two weeks ago and look what happened. Plus she was blaming herself for having a nightmare about, well sort of about, him. He didn’t blame her for it, though. Yes it hurt tremendously, but look at what he had done to her…
Discord knew he had to stop her grieving and pull her out of the hole she didn’t know she was digging herself, knew he needed to stop her from blaming herself and realize none of this was her fault.
He continued up the stairs to her door and heard her crying behind it. He knocked lightly against it. “Fluttershy… Fluttershy I’m coming in, okay.” He turned the handle and walked inside. She was laying on her bed, her head lifted up and staring right at him. Her front hooves rested on a pillow he assumed she had just started crying into and saw tears still trickling down her cheeks. She started to open her mouth when Discord flew up and wrapped her in the biggest hug he could.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Fluttershy,” he hushed. “Absolutely nothing. You’re the most wonderful pony I’ve ever met my dear and you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. It was my fault I joined Tirek and helped him steal everypony’s magic, and it was my fault I stayed away so long and left you to wallow in grief. It’s my fault I hurt you so much, Fluttershy.” He pulled his head back and cupped her face with both of his claws and stared into her tear-stained eyes with his own. “You did absolutely nothing wrong my dear, sweet, wonderful Fluttershy,” he hushed to her, shaking his head a little trying to rid the tears pouring out his eyes. “Honestly Fluttershy you mean the world to me and seeing you like this I--I don’t know what to do or what to say, I’m so new to this and I want to help you and I’m going to do my best and I won’t stop until I know you’ve healed and I’m going to do everything in my power to make that happen and-- and,” he shook his head again realizing he was rambling and pulled her back into a hug. Fluttershy still shook against him and he still heard her crying, but he could tell she was purging everything this time. It was a good cry.
They lay like that in each others arms for a while before they both fell asleep on her bed.
It was evening when Discord started to wake up. He was confused for a moment as to where he was until he looked down at the slumbering pegasus at his side. Right.
Discord rested his head on his claws and stared out the window, lost in thought when he felt Fluttershy stirring next to him. She stretched at his side then opened her eyes. They darted around in confusion for a brief moment until they rested on Discord, and all the memories from a few hours ago flooded back. Oddly enough, though, she felt kind of… refreshed. It was as if she had been carrying the world and it had suddenly been lifted off her back. She smiled softly at Discord, her eyebrows pinched at the center.
Discord smiled softly back and ran his claw through her mane. It was still mangled like when he found her in the snow, so he used his magic to untangle it with each stroke of his talons. Fluttershy sighed in content and laid her head back down. She wasn’t sleeping this time, but relaxing, for probably the first time in a couple of weeks. It felt… nice.
Discord had finished untangling her mane within a few minutes, but seeing how soothing it seemed to be for her, he continued for a while and took this opportunity to check up on the rest of her. Her wings were still ruffled and plenty of the feathers had been bent and were frayed from stress, but all the frost that had gathered on them from when he found her in the snow had melted and they had returned to their normal color. Her fur was still plenty matted but her body had stopped shaking, at least. Wait, her body… Yes its color was returning and looked better than yesterday, but it also seemed rather pale compared to a few weeks ago. It could be her coat grew a bit lighter in the winter, but that didn’t strike him so much as how frail she seemed. He stroked his claw through her mane once more before running it down her back and lifted her wing closest to him. “I’m just going to straighten those broken feathers, dear, they must be rather uncomfortable,” he ushered under his breath and waited for her to mumble an “okay” before continuing. What he really wanted to do though was check to see if she had been eating well. As he lifted her wing with one claw and hovered his lion paw across it to straighten her feathers with his magic, he glanced at her stomach. Normally it was plump and healthy but it seemed to have shrunken just a bit. It had only been two weeks so she couldn’t be too malnourished, but it still worried him.
“Fluttershy,” he whispered, “when was the last time you ate?”
Her head jerked up at him and she pulled her wing from his claw, covering her stomach with it as she turned her head away. Then in an almost inaudible whisper, “a day ago... maybe two.” She turned her head back in Discord’s direction but looked down at her front hoof as she kneaded her bed a bit. “I’m fine, Discord, really. I just… I just haven’t been very hungry is all…” Of course she knew this was a lie-- or at least partly-- and would’ve liked to go along with it, but looking up at Discord’s eyes made her rethink that. Lying about her current eating habits wasn’t going to do anything as she was sure he wouldn’t let it slip by. He had been paying extra close attention to her since yesterday and just saying she was fine wouldn’t convince him now. “A-actually,” she continued, “that’s only partly true… everything’s just not tasted right… and I don’t… Everything just tastes empty…” She lowered her head again, laying it down on her bed facing away from Discord.
Two days? It took all his strength to not magic up a pantry and get her to tell him anything else she may have been hiding so he could help. But he couldn't act rash right now and he needed to be careful with his actions. She had just opened up about so much already and in such a short amount of time. Trying to get her to spill even more may be too much right now. Though it pained him to think there may be more she was hiding, he didn't want to risk her burrowing any deeper by pressing too hard. Discord lowered his head and rested it next to hers and thought for a few moments before settling on a softer idea. “What if I make you something?” he whispered. “I understand it may not taste very good, but you do need to eat something, even if it’s just a tiny bit.”
Discord didn’t want to pressure her too much but he knew Fluttershy needed to eat something. Maybe if she started with something small...
“Okay.”
Discord lifted his head, followed by Fluttershy’s. She was looking at her hooves again, but continued, “Do you think you could eat with me, though? It might make it easier… if that’s okay, of course…”
Discord smiled at her and nuzzled her mane, trying to reassure her. “Of course, my dear,” he whispered. He could hear a soft sigh of relief escape her mouth and started to pull back and get off the bed. “I think I’ll go get started. Is there anything you have in mind?” She started fiddling with her hooves again and he could tell she was thinking. He sat down on the floor in front of the bed and waited patiently for her to answer.
“I-I think something warm would be nice…”
Discord hummed and tapped his claw against his chin before smiling back at her, “I think I’ll make soup, then.” He pushed himself off the floor and saw her start to get out of bed. “How about you take a bath, Fluttershy?”
She stared up at him in horror, “D-do I really smell that bad?”
He flew over to her quickly and held his arms up, “No-no-no-no-no, my dear, of course not!! No, I just thought you may feel better if you did. I-I mean of course you don’t have to, no, it was just a suggestion, oh,” he smacked his head. That was dumb.
To his surprise though, he heard her start to giggle. He lifted his head from his paw and saw her body shaking. “I-I’m sorry, I j-just thought…”
Discord’s face lit up and he started to chuckle to himself, too.
Her voice started to level again. “That’s a good idea, though.” She stood up, “I think I’ll go do that,” she smiled, looking at at her hooves again. Discord followed her out the door and went for the stairs as she headed to the bathroom. “And take as long as you like,” he called before going down. “I can keep the soup nice and warm until you’re ready.”
She smiled at him and nodded.
Discord had gone into her pantry to gather some vegetables before heading to the kitchen. He could’ve poofed some soup up easily, but he wanted to make this from scratch for Fluttershy. It tasted better that way and, even if it was a bit of work and took more time, Fluttershy was easily worth it. And this batch needed to be perfect. Discord did, however, summon a chopping board and knife. He grabbed some carrots first and started chopping those up as he thought about how nice it was to hear Fluttershy giggle again. It was soft and not as vibrant as it was before, yes, but any sort of smile or gleam in her eyes, no matter how small or faded, was good. She seemed to be in a better mood... maybe eating wouldn't be as hard now.
Discord pushed the chopped carrots aside and grabbed some celery when he heard the water start to run upstairs. Hopefully taking a nice long bath would help her feel more refreshed and a little better as well. Even if it didn’t and this was as big a step forward as she took for the next few weeks, he would take it. No matter how long it would take her to heal he wouldn’t leave her side again.
His tail raised a little and thumped back down on the floor as his determination started to grow. He pushed the celery away and grabbed the rest of the vegetables and started chopping them all at once. Discord summoned a pot and levitated them inside as he filled it halfway with water from the kitchen faucet. He set the pot on the stove and brought it to a boil to let it simmer.
Fluttershy started up the tub and tested the water with her hoof as it filled up. It was a little too cold for her liking so she turned the knob slightly and went over to her bathroom window and looked outside. Princess Luna had already raised the moon. There were barely any clouds in the sky and the stars and moon combined illuminated the garden outside more than it had been recently. She stuck her head out and looked over to the burrows, thinking about Angel Bunny and all her other sleeping friends and sighed. This was only his second year hibernating-- he was only a baby bunny after all-- and she still got worried that it might be too cold for him, but knew deep down he was fine. She went back over to the tub and turned the water off and slowly eased herself in, getting adjusted to the warm temperature. She leaned her head against the edge and sighed. This was nice. She didn’t really feel up to shampooing just yet, so she just lowered her head as much as she could while still keeping her nostrils up and watched her mane float around her, spinning her head ever so slightly now and then to watch the tresses twirl.
Discord was sitting on the floor in front of the stove, waiting for the broth to finish simmering and soaking up all the flavor from the vegetables. He wanted to take his time with this so it tasted as good as possible, but he also wanted to hurry up so it was ready when Fluttershy came out. Once it was finished he could just keep it warm with his magic, but he couldn’t use his magic to hurry it up unless he wanted to sacrifice some flavor. And he didn’t want to do that.
He shook his head in impatience, almost like a dog trying to shake off water, and thumped his tail against the floor again. The fresh vegetables he was going to add to the broth that would actually be eaten were all chopped up and he had magicked up all the spices he could think of. Now there was nothing for him to do but wait. He hated waiting. He found himself tapping his claw against the floor and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
His ears popped up as an idea struck him. Maybe I could make some sides to go with this. He was about to stand up and rummage through Fluttershy’s pantry for ideas but realised too much food may be too much for her right now and plopped back down. He didn’t understand this stuff too well. He had been sad, yes, but it had never drained his appetite. And he didn’t want to push too hard, but at the same time he didn’t know how much was pushing it too much and how much pushing was good. Would she appreciate a little buffet? Maybe the surplus of options would make it easier so if she didn’t like something she’d have something else to eat. But maybe too many options would overwhelm her…
It was strange. He had never analized how his actions may affect anypony else so much before. Yes he would consider if something would make somepony happy or sad or scared, but not usually in such full detail. And when he did, it was usually on how it would affect him in the end. Now, though, he was being more cautious.
Mmmmm, he drummed his claws against the floor again, squinting his face and wondering which decision was the best. “I suppose just an extra thing or two wouldn’t hurt…” He pushed himself up and hovered over to the pantry again with an idea in mind, but it didn’t have anything that would help him. I could just summon the ingredients, he shrugged. He poofed over to the kitchen again and snapped his fingers, making a baking book and ingredients for rolls appear. He knew Fluttershy had a slight soft spot for sweets and smiled. A few honey rolls would be nice, and they wouldn’t be too extravagant or too sweet to scare off an appetite. What she needed now was a nice, warm meal that would help sooth her stomach. Discord did decide to mess with the recipe just a bit, though. She had said things hadn’t tasted quite right, so maybe if he made the flavors a little stronger it would go down easier.
Fluttershy had been soaking for quite some time now. She couldn’t exactly tell how long, but the water had gotten a little too cold for her, so she assumed it must’ve been a while. She pulled the drain out and let the water level go down a few inches before plugging it up again and turning the faucet back on. She let plenty of hot water in to warm up the bath before dunking her head all the way in and pulling it out to warm herself up. She would’ve worried about taking too long but Discord did tell her to take her time. Plus she could hear him opening and closing the pantry door every now and then and dropping utensils every once in a while. She giggled to herself and reached for the shampoo bottle, not feeling any pressure to hurry up.
After rinsing out her mane and tail, Fluttershy got out of the tub and shook herself a bit to rid off some water and quickly went to the sink to grab her comb before going back inside, sighing as the warm water engulfed her again. It had been a while since she had taken a bath, but now that she was actually inside she didn’t want to leave. It was warm and she had a perfect view of Angel Bunny’s burrow. But she knew she’d need to get out eventually.
She ran the comb through her mane, pushing through only a few tangles. She sighed to herself as she remembered how Discord had untangled it for her and a soft smile grew on her face as she ran her hoof through her mane, remembering how his claws lightly scratched her head and neck as they worked through her hair. It hadn’t hurt one bit as he pulled out the knots that she had almost forgotten how tangled her hair was. She sank down into the water, remembering how warm he was, too. Perhaps it was an attempt to recreate that warmth. It was close, but also different. This warmth seemed empty in comparison, whereas the warmth earlier had felt… cozy. Resting on a soft bed with his body curled around hers, his fur lightly brushing up against hers as he breathed in and out and his claw running down her back… it was nice. She sighed again, bubbles floating to the surface and popping. She lifted her head out of the water and took a deep breath.
Maybe it wouldn’t be too hard leaving the room after all. Now that everything was out and she understood and actually believed there were no hard feelings, it wouldn’t be as hard being around Discord. She still had healing to do, and being around him would still remind her of the Tirek incident, but it would also remind her of all the wonderful things he had been doing. Now she’d be able to look at him and feel more than just pain. She could see the caring in his eyes and feel the support in his touch. And right now she could hear him rustle in the kitchen to make food to help her eat. She’d see everything he was doing for her. She could be with him now and feel comfort and solace, instead of feeling alone, and she was starting to grow a little eager for his company again.
Fluttershy pulled her freshly-conditioned tail out from behind her and started working at it with her comb, a few moments later hearing small splashes. She had started crying again, and at the realization scrunched her face as more tears began to fall. Why am I crying? She tried to shake it, telling herself there was no need to be sad and that she was actually really happy. She squinted her eyes in her concentration and tried to focus on combing her tail. Maybe if she focused enough, whatever part of her brain telling her to be sad would give up. But it wasn’t working. More tears flowed down and she started to whimper, her body trembling. She dropped the comb and brought her hooves to her face as she leaned her head and forelegs against the rim of the tub, her body trembling harder. “C-can I not f-feel sad? Just once can I go a day w-without crying,” she choked, leaning further into her hooves. She had just started feeling better and excited to have company; she was just feeling warm and happy not a moment ago… Why did she all of a sudden feel so sad? There was no reason for it! But she was. She was lonely and sad and she desperately wanted it to stop. She wanted to seek Discord and be comforted and told she was alright, but too much of her wanted to stay in the bathroom and be alone, and she couldn’t fight it right now. I don’t want to be alone! I’m tired of being alone! “And I’m sick of being sad,” she cried under her breath, her tears welling before spilling out all at once over her hooves. If she could get herself to stand up and go downstairs, maybe… But she couldn’t. Her legs refused to budge and she finally gave in. Maybe she should stay a little longer…
She reached her foreleg out to the towel she had brought in and pulled it over to her. She scrunched it together and pushed it down into the water and against the wall of the tub before sinking down and resting her head and upper back against it. She picked the comb up from where it had sunk and grabbed her tail again, combing it out. Her strokes grew slower and slower as her eyes closed and she slowly drifted to sleep.
The water had grown cold around her, her shivering body to waking with a start. She gasped as she sat up, disoriented at first before remembering where she was, and why she hadn’t left. She sighed and rubbed her eyes as she got out, shaking her body before pulling the drain. She felt groggy. She should’ve probably rinsed herself out one more time to warm herself up and maybe combed her mane and tail once more before leaving, but she didn’t want to risk trapping herself in there again. Instead, she swiftly pulled her bathrobe over her and grabbed her comb in her mouth before walking out. She could comb her hair downstairs; right now she just wanted get downstairs.
Discord had just finished shaping the rolls into little balls and was about to put the tray in the oven when he heard a door open upstairs. The soup had finished only a few moments ago and the rolls would only take about 20 minutes to bake. Discord was about to go tell her the wait wouldn’t be long when he noticed the mess he had made in his scrambling to get everything ready on time. He winced and snapped his talons so everything would clean itself up before heading over to the stairs, snapping his tail behind him to poof the rolls into the oven.
As he turned the corner he saw Fluttershy trotting downstairs in a fluffy purple and white bath robe, her mane and tail soaking wet, with a comb in her mouth. She seemed to be doing better, but something also seemed a little off. He brushed it aside, though, when he noticed her trotting speed up a bit as she saw him. She’s more lively than before, so that must be a good sign, he reasoned with a hopeful smile.
Fluttershy was so relieved when she saw Discord. Having support around would make it harder for the depression to pull her away and isolate her. Her eyes sparkled as she got closer, her brows pinching a moment later as she stopped and took a step back. She still needed reassurance though, even if it was for something else. “I i-int ake oo,” she shook her head a little and took the comb out of her mouth, blushing before continuing, not noticing Discord’s amused smirk. “I didn’t take too long did I?” Discord had settled any worry she had about taking too long in the bath much earlier, and she really wasn’t concerned about that. But she needed to be told she was alright, regardless of what it was for. And if she talked about how she was sad earlier for no reason, it would only make her sad again. She just needed to be comforted.
“Of course not, my dear Fluttershy. I did tell you to take your time didn’t I?”
“Y-yes.”
“And of course I meant it,” he smiled, floating up to her (not wanting to startle her by teleporting) and running his claw down her wet mane to the comb in her hoof, picking it up before ushering her down the stairs with him, briefly wincing to himself at her cold temperature. Fluttershy’s face softened as she walked down with him. “And whether that meant 20 minutes or 20 hours, however long you needed was fine with me.” He was really good at this. Fluttershy wasn’t even really worried about her time in there, and she was feeling better about how long she took. Maybe she should’ve mentioned what was really bothering her. There’s no reason I can’t still bring it up. Maybe I wouldn’t get so sad if I did…
“Besides,” he continued, pulling Fluttershy from her thoughts, “you gave me just enough time to finish everything! Another twenty minutes and,” no wait, I should probably let the bread cool, “Excuse me, another thirty minutes and everything should be ready,” he smiled down at her, her mood already lifting from his upbeat attitude.
He had led her to the living room while she had been thinking and pulled her with him onto the cushions he had set up the night before, leaving her there as he stepped over the other side to the fireplace, summoning some logs and a match before lighting one up. Fluttershy settled down, tilting her head at him. She was about to ask why he didn’t just poof one up instead, but he got a sentence out first. “You are far too cold, my dear,” he said as the match sparked with a small flame. He tossed it in and nestled himself to the side on the pile of cushions and blankets, not wanting to force himself into her space but also wanting to be near enough to talk comfortably. He rested his head on his lion paw as his eagle claw started twirling in the air, the small fire dancing as it grew, flower-shaped flames and swirls spitting out above it and fading away. Discord pulled his claw towards him a little, warmth following right after and caressing Fluttershy, who was directly in front of the fireplace. “Thank you,” she sighed, resting her head down. Discord smiled at her, his claw still pulling the heat from the flames to warm her up.
When he saw her coat had dried and she seemed significantly warmer, he twirled the comb he had taken from thin air, reaching over and setting it down in front of her. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly, “I almost forgot I took this.”
Fluttershy raised her head to see the comb, a small “oh” escaping her mouth. “I kind of forgot about this too.” She picked it up and ran it through her mane a few times, her strokes growing slow as her eyes glazed at the still dancing flames. She had grown so tired in such a short amount of time. But it was so nice and warm here, and the unrequited nap she had earlier hadn’t been the most pleasant…
Discord chuckled as he saw her lids begin to lower and her movements slow. He scooted over and gingerly took the comb from her hoof, lowering it down for her in her daze. “I’ll just comb it for you,” he hushed, “you go ahead and rest.”
Fluttershy just barely processed what he had said, slowly lowering her head back into the cushions with a soft “mm-hm.” She clung onto consciousness as long as she could, sighing as Discord combed through her hair and slowly wrapped himself around her to keep her warm, the fire still dancing and swaying in front of her each time she tried to open her eyes, only ushering her to close them again, until she finally fell asleep.
Discord snapped his tail to remove the buns from the oven when they were done, sealing them in a preservation spell once they had cooled enough, and proceeded to comb Fluttershy’s mane and tail dry.
Discord woke up first. Not surprising given Fluttershy’s state, but it still caught his attention. Yes he knew sleeping was normal given the circumstances, but the past few days he’d been here she’d slept through most of them. He might’ve protested if she didn’t look so tired, but he honestly didn’t know much on the subject. He slowly unraveled himself from her side and quickly replaced the space with some warm pillows. While sleeping was nice, and he wanted nothing more than to keep her company, Discord had grown antsy from all the time he’d spent at a slow pace, and he needed to move. He pulled at his arms and stretched his neck, slowly getting through his whole body. Yes, he definitely needed to get out and shake himself off a bit and burn some energy. What time was it? The sun hadn’t yet reached its peak, but it was still pretty high, warming the town as much as it could on the winter day. Though foul weather didn’t affect him much, he appreciated the sun during a dreary season. He wanted to pick something up anyway, and he’d be able to study it on his flight back while stretching his wings some more.
Discord snapped his tail and a note appeared next to the fireplace, the flames reigniting to a steady, warm rhythm, and he flew out a window, flicking it shut with his tail on the way out. He didn’t plan on being out long, but thought it better not to disappear without a notice in case Fluttershy woke up.
The flight to the library was a refreshing one, the winds whipping at him and giving him something to fly against. Normally something so simple and mundane as a gust wouldn’t have been enough, but he always tended to appreciate more simple things after time with Fluttershy. It may not have had the same punch as flying through an electric current of rainbows, but she had reminded him how to see the complexities in something more simple. She had even gotten him excited at the random knots in trees at one point. The scattering of them was always different on each tree, and there was a beauty in how the bark wove around the holes, small branches popping out between the tight knits and splaying out. Not the most chaotic thing, and there was some sense of order to it, but it was infinitely more complex than he remembered. He hadn't thought about such things in a very long time. And being able to look for and sense all the small changes in the currents he rode was almost calming, in a sporadic way.
Discord stopped suddenly in his tracks, dropping to the ground with a weary thud.
He had forgotten.
The library had been nearly disintegrated, because of him… How could he forget so easily...
A tremble ran down his spine. It dawned on him that he had damaged much more than Fluttershy. Everyone had forgiven him so easily the whole… nearly destroying the town escaped his mind. He caught some ponies glancing his way and, after another involuntary shake, shot back up into the sky.
He couldn’t worry about this right now; he'd have an eternity to wallow in grief. He’d helped with the cleanup of most of the town, but there was no way to restore the tree, not to mention what little trust he had been gaining with the townsponies. The tree had been alive, and even with all the power he had, reversing life was one thing he didn’t have the ability to tamper with. He could make a new one grow, however, but Twilight’s castle had already manifested and there really was no need. And even if he did create a new tree, he’d need complete knowledge of all the books inside to recreate them, which he obviously didn’t have, considering it was that knowledge he came here seeking.
He shook himself. Right now he had to be there for Fluttershy. He wasn’t sure if there was a bookstore in Ponyville, and frankly he wasn’t feeling up to asking around. He decided to just poof to the Canterlot library, and after leafing through some several dozen aisles, found what he was looking for, up on the… twentieth shelf? More or less; it was high up.
He was about to teleport back when Twilight flew up in front of him, stirring him from his concentration. “Discord? Did you hear me?” She adjusted her wings to keep her balance, her face scrunching a bit in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
A simple question, really: he was looking for a book. But it took him a moment to think of a response. He regained his composure in what he hoped look like a natural way, tossing the book up as it twinkled away in a shower of dust, followed quickly by a sharp gasp from Twilight. “Just looking for a book.”
She’d almost lost her balance at that, recovering quickly to push up further in Discord’s face. She was about to berate his actions, but he cut her off quickly. “Oh hush, I just stored it away for later. I think I’ve destroyed enough books for the next century; your precious treasures don’t have to worry about me for quite some time.”
Twilight gave him a stern glare, but dropped it when she saw what must’ve been remorse pass over his eyes. It was gone before she could accurately define it, though, and realized how odd it was to see Discord in such a place. “Why are you here, Discord?”
He must’ve been expecting that, because he quickly regained that aloof air he tended to keep, arching his back as he stretched one arm over his chest, looking almost bored. “I told you, Princess Twilight, I came to get a book. You know I have a lot of things to take care of now that I’m working with Princess Celestia. And I really should be getting back to what I set out to do.” He gave her a side glance as he stretched his other arm, “Honestly your presence here is much more unexpected.”
She eyed him skeptically, responding slowly. “I’m doing research as well…” her voice perked up a bit, “This library is the most extensive one I know, and, well… all my source material isn’t really available to me anymore, you know.”
A pause.
“Yes, I am aware…” His voice lowered to a quiet murmur, his eyes shifting to the floor. “I am sorry, Twilight, and it would be my pleasure to help restore what I… But I really am busy at the moment, believe it or not.” He met her gaze, his voice turning firm. “I have to get going.” And with that, he was gone.
Twilight’s eyes were wide. She didn’t expect him to sound so solemn, but what really threw her off was the seriousness in his voice with those last words. After a moment of shock, she went to examine the shelf she had seen him pull the book from.
Discord pulled the door just as Fluttershy was pushing it open. She didn’t notice him at first, adjusting the strap on her fluffy winter jacket, and almost bumped into him. She turned her head in time to notice him and backed up quickly, her eyes widening in surprise as she looked up at him, his widening in return. “Oh. Um, sorry, I didn’t think you’d be back so soon…” She lowered her gaze, adjusting the strap on the other side and picking up her pack by the door, laying it over her back.
Discord blinked away the surprised look on his face, trying to tone down the growing smile he hoped she hadn’t noticed. He was happy to see her feeling good enough to go out. Realizing he was blocking her path, he quickly stepped aside, “No need to be sorry, my dear, it’s nice to see you up. Going for a walk?” He was trying to be subtle in his question, but he was curious as to what had gotten her out of her cottage.
“Kind of. I was just going to go check on Angel… I-I know it’s silly, I mean, he’s still sleeping, and I know he’s okay and safe with all the other bunnies and I know he’s warm and dry and not cold but I…” her voice was getting increasingly quiet and she was pulling her head in to hide it behind her mane, her voice starting to tremble.
“You miss him. It’s fine Fluttershy, really. You’re a very sweet pony to worry about him,” Discord said, tucking part of her mane behind her ear and smirked slightly at her, “Though I do think you spoil him a bit too much.”
Her eyes widened at that, her mouth opening, about to protest, but stopped as she heard him start to chuckle. “M-maybe I do, just a little,” she smiled, thinking about him pointing at pages in her cook books, bounding over to her with a brush in his mouth, and nestling up in her covers at night instead of sleeping in his little bunny bed. He was a little spoiled, but he was still so very sweet and so very cute, and he did look after her when she needed it. Fluttershy wiped away a few tears and looked back up at Discord, “Do you want to come?”
Angel’s mound wasn’t very far away. In fact, it was rather close, just past all these… other mounds and burrows. They all looked the same to Discord, but Fluttershy was able to tell them all apart, commenting on which critters were sleeping where as they made their way past them all.
Fluttershy slowed as they approached the mound Angel was sleeping under, smiling softly at it before turning to Discord and whispering that Angel was sleeping in this one before shuffling away some snow. Discord pulled the blanket out of her pack he’d offered to carry and laid it down. He’d suggested they eat the food he’d made while they visit the burrow, Fluttershy happy at the idea as it meant she’d have more time to spend next to Angel. She had hoped to spend a while out here initially, but was worried she’d bother Discord if she took so long without him having anything to do and planned to shorten her visit. She nestled down on her blanket, happy for the company and being able to stay out longer without feeling guilty.
Glancing over at Discord as he settled down, her eyes widened slightly in worry. “Aren’t you cold? I could go get another blanket, the cottage isn’t far.”
“Hm? Oh, no my dear I’m perfectly fine; weather doesn’t affect me as much as you ponies. Besides, how could I let you head back to the cottage for something I can just magic up?” He stretched his arms out in front of him, his paw and claw fanning open like a cat before demonstrating with a snap. “Like so.” And a steaming pot of soup and batch of rolls appeared between them in a smoke of glitter.
Fluttershy gasped in awe, still impressed by his powers. She was used to him summoning things at a whim, but the touch of glitter that sprinkled down, shrinking to nothing before it touched the blanket, and all without the slightest of efforts, reminded her just how powerful he was. There probably wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, and here he was, magiking up soup with as much effort as it took to blink an eye. Just two weeks ago he’d turned half of Equestria upside down within a matter of days, and that was with him taking the time to enjoy all the changes. If he didn’t take the time to admire the spreading chaos, he’d probably have been able to turn half the world around in just as long…
“-uttershy? Fluttershy?” A waving claw in front of her face woke her from her daze. “What’s wrong?”
Fluttershy blinked a few times, attempting to regain control of her thoughts. “Discord?” Her voice sounded like an echo to her, like she hadn’t been the one who just spoke. She felt very far away just then.
Discord’s eyes widened, then a large grin spread on his face as he leaned forward to ladle some soup in a bowl, “Ah, you want to hear more of my adventurous exploits, is that it? I’d be more than happy to comply, my dear,” he placed the bowl in front of Fluttershy before serving some for himself.
“Actually… I meant more like, um… where… where did you come from?” She raised her gaze from the soup he’d just put in front of her and saw him stiffen, the ladle in his claw almost dropping before he tightened his grip. Her head jerked up at that, “Ah, no, I’m sorry! You don’t have to tell me I didn’t know it was-”
“No no no, I was just caught off-guard, that’s all, Fluttershy. It’s nothing bad I assure you, it’s just…” I know where this is going to lead. He knew it was bound to come up eventually, but had hoped he’d be able to put it off a while longer. Seeing her worried face though he knew that if he wanted to reassure her his past was fine--void of anything he’d probably deserved, like being encased in stone--he’d probably have to cough something up. “I’m not quite sure how to explain it is all. I am an excellent storyteller,” he grinned, trying to lighten the mood, “but I’m not so… eloquent, at explaining and this might take some time for me to sort into words.”
She nodded slowly, looking down in thought. She seemed to have completely forgotten about the soup in front of her and, if he’d picked anything up from the few days he’d been here, she’d probably lost her appetite. Discord groaned inwardly, weighing out the options before speaking up. “How about this,” she perked up, “I may not be able to go into details just yet, but for every… let’s say three, slurps of my delicious soup,” he smirked, nudging her bowl closer with a talon, “you may ask me one yes-or-no question about my past.” She seemed to sit up at this. “And,” he lifted the preservation spell on the rolls with a flourish, “finish a bun and you get a bonus question.” Hopefully that would lift her mood.
And it did. Fluttershy beamed at him, and Discord’s breath hitched. This was a bad idea. She looked so happy now, like when she did during their tea parties before, and it was a ray of light amidst a gloomy downpour, but if her thoughts trailed just a bit too far it would end worse than it started. He just hoped her slurps would be large.
They weren’t. He could see she was making an effort to take bigger sips than she normally would, probably to keep things fair, but they were still average at best. He lifted his own bowl and slurped from it, too anxious with where her questions would lead to properly taste it.
“Did you hatch from an egg?” A shake of the head and a small smile of reassurance to keep going.
“Do you have any siblings? Or, um, any other family members?” He reached for a roll and soaked it with some soup, “No, just me. Can you imagine,” he snickered, “Me growing up with other kids? That sounds like a nightmare!” He popped the roll in his mouth. Hopefully that would steer her questions in a safer direction.
A thoughtful hum, “Did you ever want siblings--Wait,” her head shot up and her brows furrowed worriedly. “No family members? Did you not have parents or, or anyone to raise you?” Her face scrunched as she tried to gather a hold of herself. Maybe he just meant no relatives. Maybe someone he wasn’t related to took him in and raised him. Yeah, that had to be it. As much as Fluttershy tried to reassure herself, though, she couldn’t stop the knot in her throat from forming.
Discord took notice. He looked to the side, trying to think of some way to answer her question. He’d have to think fast. Not much source of inspiration to aid him; the sky was bleak with clouds rolling in, the ground was covered in a thin blanket of snow, the trees had all shed their leaves and stood still in the soft, cold wind... There. He started fiddling with the fringe of the blanket with one claw as he skewered another bun with his talon, turning his gaze back to Fluttershy with a casual front, “It’s really nothing to worry about my dear,” and offered her the honey roll, which she absently grabbed. “I understand many of the animals you tend to have others to bring them up, but,” geez this sounded like a sorry excuse of an analogy, “those trees you see everywhere?” he turned his gaze. “Well, uh, imagine them in the spring, when they’re more lively, like,” he flicked his vibrant tail as a demonstration. Colorful. “They were just seeds that took root before they grew into trees, and they didn’t,” he heard a sniffle, “even need,” a hitched breath.
His voice died as he shifted back to Fluttershy, tears threatening to fall down her face. “You were alone? You were just,” she wiped her nose, “left on your own? To take care of yourself with no one to look after you?”
Discord shook his head, “Fluttershy, I’m… I wasn’t abandoned. I’m not a pony, I didn’t need any--”
“You’re not a seed Discord!” Her whole body was trembling at this point.
His voice was barely a whisper as his gaze turned to the snow, a self-deprecating look forming, “And to think,” he chuckled lightly, “this wasn’t even what I was worried about.”
She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. They streamed down as her body continued to shake. He had been too quiet and she hadn’t been able to make out what he had said, but that look on his face was enough, and she broke out crying, Discord turning his head away in shame.
“It’s going to snow soon,” he mumbled.
There was a long pause. Fluttershy was still trying to get control of her breathing, about ready to speak up when Discord got up and settled beside her, reaching out his claw to wipe away her tears. He couldn’t help but take a moment to note the contrast. These large, scaled claws tipped with dangerously sharp talons… against this soft, downy fur. It was fitting. She trusted him so much, forgave him again and again, and all he’d done was hurt her. They didn’t even reach the subject he was worried about and he’d already had her crying. He finished wiping her tears away, trying to avoid the watery gaze she was giving him, before drawing his arm back.
“I’m sorry.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “What?” She looked up at him, confused, “No, I’m sorry Discord. It’s hard for you to talk about your past and I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I just,” her eyes started watering again, “You shouldn’t have to settle for that--growing up all on your own, without anyone to take care of you. That’s awful.”
He sucked in a breath, eyes steadying before he lifted them to her, trying to muster a smile. “No, Fluttershy. You were just looking out for me.” He reached out to wipe away her fresh tears. “My past doesn’t bother me, and it wasn’t like that, honestly.” His voice lowered, his thoughts whirring at how much he should say. “I--that wasn’t me trying to say-- The tree comparison. It wasn’t inaccurate. But that doesn’t mean my…existence started out sad. I just didn’t come into the world the same way you ponies, or your animal friends, did. I…”
Her tears had stopped.
“I want to tell you, Fluttershy,” he started stroking her cheek, not ready to let go, needing some sort of contact. “Just not right now,” he cast his glance to his claw on her cheek again, unable to keep eye contact any longer. “Maybe tomorrow… to give me some time to figure out how to phrase everything.”
She nodded against his claw. “You don’t have to, I was just… overly curious and… I shouldn’t have overstepped my bounds.” Her voice was soft, shaky.
Discord ran his claw through her mane, trying to calm her, and himself, down. “You’ve told me all about your past, Fluttershy, not just your adventures, and you’ve entrusted me with your fears and doubts. It’s only right I open up, too.”
“A-actually, I…haven’t been too honest either.” She turned her head away, twitching her ear so her hair would fall in front of her face. It wasn’t a big lie. Hell, it probably couldn’t even be considered a white lie it was so inconsequential, but she felt ashamed all the same. And the way she made it sound Discord was worried what she could possibly have lied about, but it couldn’t have been nearly as bad as what he’d done to her. He heard her take a deep breath before turning her head slightly towards him, releasing it slowly before starting. “The other day, when I asked if I’d taken too long in the bath… I-I wasn’t even worried about that. You’d already,” she wiped at her face, “I’m so… nervous about everything I mean yes I was worried about that at first I’m worried about everything now I mean,” a wimper, “even more than normal and I-I hate it I’m so scared of everything but, but you made me feel like I could’ve slept overnight in there and I’d be able to emerge without feeling guilty but I lied to you because I just,” she pulled her face in, trying to hide in her mane even more, “I just I was scared to bring it up but I needed some reassurance I’ve been crying over everything and then I was crying over nothing I’m so tired and I just keep bothering you with everything I mean you made this amazing food,” she tried to gesture at it but she’d gone so static her motion was more of a flinch and she hadn’t even noticed her words had started slurring not too long ago not even Discord was able to make anything out. She couldn’t even feel that he’d scooched closer and was stroking her back, making shushing noises to try and calm her down, and when she turned her head to tell him the rest she didn’t even register the change. Her eyes were shot and tears and snot were smudged on her face from her hoof, her voice shaky but still running fast. “You made it by hand I mean you could just poof it up with your magic in half a second but you didn’t and I don’t know why it would’ve tasted just as good and I just… I just,” Discord’s comforting were starting to break through to her. She stopped talking and started taking deep, frantic breaths, her ears perking towards Discord’s calming shushes, trying to take in all they could and drown out her loud breaths and even louder thoughts. Her body grew less tense under his soothing strokes and nestled closer to his warm body, seeking the comforting rise and fall as he breathed in and out. Her breath hitched and grew frantic as she was finally able to cry it all out, wailing as she stretched her wings out and flexed and unflexed them, letting out all the pent up energy she had built.
It wasn’t a soft, gentle cry. It was ugly and painful and loud. She kept shaking her head and shuffling her shoulders and shifting her legs, doing all she could to get every last bit of tension out. She ruffled the feathers on her hunches up into Discord’s claw as her voice grew hoarse. Remembering he was there, remembering there was someone to push into, she rolled so her back was against his feathered middle, digging her hooves in the blanket and pushing herself against his side. She needed contact, she needed someone to push into and hunch her back and spread her wings against and get some sort of contact that wasn’t from her blanket or couch or wall or anything that wasn’t alive. She needed to know there was someone there and she needed to feel them breathe against her. She was tired. She was so tired. Her strained cries slowed as her body started to relax. Her hooves stopped digging into the blanket and her breaths grew quiet. She felt exhausted.
After a few minutes of gathering herself Fluttershy stretched her neck out, partly for more contact as Discord massaged her withers and ran his claws through her hair, but also partly to get a better view of Angel Bunny’s burrow. She stared at it for the longest time, trying to stay awake, before sighing. “I love him so much.”
“I know.”
“I miss him so much.”
Discord paused. “Fluttershy...”
She perked her ears up slowly.
“You know… I mean I know I’m not allowed to mess with the weather, but… I can make it so he doesn’t need it to be warm.” Her ears twitched. “It wouldn’t hurt him at all, I promise. I’d just… stabilize his temperature. He’d be able to run around in the snow and still be just as warm as if it were Spring.”
She was silent for a while before mumbling, “I know it wouldn’t hurt him. I mean, bunny’s don’t need to hibernate if it’s warm enough, so there wouldn’t be any… I mean, there wouldn’t be any, um, side effects,” she shifted against Discord, “ and I really, really miss him,” she looked away from the burrow, “but it just… I don’t think it would be fair. Besides me, and, um, you… I mean, he wouldn’t have any of the other animals to… play with…” She closed her eyes.
Discord lowered his head, looking towards the burrow. “I could do it with all the other bunnies too. Besides,” he chuckled, “he would probably love having you all to himself to pamper him. And the whole cottage just to himself, no other animals to share it with,” he mused, “except the other bunnies of course.”
He felt her body shake against him as she took a breath to steady herself. “I want to, I really want to, but…,” her ears flattened, “I can’t even take care of myself right now.”
“I could help,” he murmured, scratching her withers again, “and Fluttershy, I think it would be good for you.” He felt her shift again. “I went to the library and got a book. I haven’t read much of it yet, but it says animals help. Taking care of them and all, even if it’s just feeding a fish everyday, something about feeling needed, and I mean really feeling needed, and not just nodding along when you’re told you’re important,” he nuzzled her, “it helps.”
Fluttershy has been silent for a few minutes, processing everything Discord had just said, before speaking up. “He does love being pampered, and I suppose he doesn’t really play with the other animals too much… And the other bunnies mainly just play with each other anyway… But, but won’t it scare them? Waking up and coming out to all this snow, all alone?”
“Mmm, well… Let’s not forget when I came over for the first time. In stepped a, oh how long am I? Eight meters? Ten?” Discord waved his claw in dismissal, “Whatever, I came in and sent your cottage spinning with the snap of my fingers and you know what?” He nudged her. “He wasn’t scared at all. In fact,” he chucked, “he tried to fight me. This tiny ball of fluff tried to take on me, the very Spirit of Chaos.” Discord rested his head on his claw and looked at Fluttershy, tickling her muzzle with the tuft of his tail, “I doubt waking up to some snow will phase him.”
Fluttershy hummed thoughtfully, a smile growing as she tried to hold in a laugh from his tail. She batted it away playfully before turning back to Discord. “Okay,” she nodded. “And if he doesn’t want to stay up over winter you can help him fall back asleep?”
“Oh, easily,” he reassured, then stretched his arms out in front of him, cracked his knuckles, and snapped his fingers.
Amongst the mound of white fur, rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm, a little pink nose pushed its way up from underneath. It twitched for a good few seconds before the muzzle followed behind and yawned languidly. And a few seconds more the body followed, struggling its way half-heartedly out of the suffocating mass of fluff. His ears still clung behind his head and his eyes were still closed, but Angel made his way to the edge, stretching his legs as he clambered over the bodies, ignoring them as they sleepily batted at him to get off. Once his whiskers brushed against the earthy walls of the mound, he slowly pushed away the soil and wiggled his way out, barely registering the snow that clung to his body as he left. He twitched his nose again, picked up the familiar scent of Fluttershy, and slowly shuffled over to her.
Fluttershy could all but shake in anticipation, a soft gasp escaping when she saw Angel’s nose poke out from the mound. She wanted to rush over to him but found it hard to move. It’d only been a few weeks but it felt like a whole season had already passed when she saw him slowly make his way over to her, his ears still folded behind him and his eyes still shut. Her eyes had started watering but she was too focused on Angel to notice. Her breath caught in her throat when he made his way between her forelimbs and cuddled up against her collar, and she breathed the kind of sharp breath you take when you’re holding back tears. Her forelimbs circled around him and her head dipped down to nuzzle him.
Angel may not have noticed the cling of the cold snow on his back and under his feet, but he instantly recognized the wet plops bouncing off him from Fluttershy’s tears. It wasn’t unusual; she cried when he woke up last year too. And when she came back from week-long journeys with her friends. It was nice that she missed him, and her nuzzles were always welcomed, but wet fur wasn’t something he was a big fan of. He took a moment to rub his face more roughly against her collar to wake his eyes. Then, blinking them open and taking a moment to adjust, he pushed himself up a little and wiped away her tears, chattering his little teeth softly. And when he saw she was calming down he sat back on his haunches to do a quick groom-over, just to get some of the larger chunks of earth and fur from the other bunnies off of him. He licked his paws and pushed them up against his head, moving back behind his ears then coming forward, clumps of snow falling off both behind and in front of him. Then he noticed. He looked down at the clumps of snow that had just fallen, then looked back up past Fluttershy and saw the bleak sky and empty branches on barren trees. He heard Fluttershy say his name but ignored it, standing on his hind legs to spin in a circle, his nose twitching, his ears up, as he curiously looked around.
He looked rather calm, Fluttershy noted, and breathed a sigh of relief.
Then he saw Discord, just lying on the blanket and giving him a toothy grin. His ears twitched and his teeth chattered as he tried to scramble over Fluttershy’s leg, but she held him back and Discord stuck his tongue out.
“Angel…” He stopped his fussing and turned to Fluttershy, his eyes lingering over at Discord a moment longer before he crossed his arms in a pout. His furrowed brows turned up and he chattered at her, gesturing all around them before pointing at Discord. “Oh, oh no Angel, Discord didn’t change the weather, it’s still winter…” He crossed his arms, unconvinced. “No but it is, he wouldn’t just make it snow in spring.” He puffed some air through his nostrils and rolled his eyes. Fluttershy’s voice turned softer, gathering his attention again. “I’m sorry we woke you up, Angel. We just thought, maybe, um… Discord can regulate your temperature so you don’t get cold. So, if you want, you can stay with me over winter? B-but you don’t have to, of course. He can help you fall back asleep. But… if you do want to, you’d have the cottage all to yourself, and since all the others are sleeping or away for winter, I’ll have a lot more time and we could do anything you wanted.”
She really wanted him to stay. And he had to admit, it all sounded wonderful. Though he’d have said yes to just one of those things. Still, Angel could tell something was wrong; she was releasing a lot of odd pheromones that were making him anxious. He reached up to wipe her eyes again before sitting back down and nodding enthusiastically.
Fluttershy had explained to Angel several times that if he ever got lonely he could wake the other bunnies and extend Discord’s offer to them, and that if he ever wanted to go back and hibernate until Spring Discord could also help him fall back asleep. But he didn’t seem to be paying much attention, focusing on propping up Fluttershy’s foreleg so it bent and blocked his view of the sneaky snake beside them, and went back to grooming. It would always slide back to place however, much to his dismay, when she turned her head to Discord to talk. He’d be in the middle of licking his paws and see those red and yellow eyes peek over from her lowered leg and have to stop when he was doing to push it back up. Fluttershy might of chided him had she noticed, but she was too busy laughing at some tricks Discord was doing with the rolls. She eventually go so engrossed she shifted so much Angel couldn’t hide behind her legs anymore.
He grumbled. It wasn’t so much that he was desperate for her attention at the moment--he preferred grooming first thing after waking up, and Fluttershy seemed to remember this at his dismissive behavior, turning to Discord for conversation. What annoyed him was just how much more attention Discord had been getting. He knew what he had to do.
Discord had just spun one of the rolls in the air like it was a top when Fluttershy felt a soft tug at her mane. She bent down and nuzzled the bunny with a smile. “What is it Angel?” After he’d shuffled over to her from the burrow she couldn’t imagine doing anything but nuzzling him and coddling him until Spring. And his casual dismissal of her words as he went to grooming himself, like it was just another normal day, caught her by surprise in the best possible way. Perhaps it was that complete normalcy of his behavior that made her feel like nothing was out of place, and thus there was nothing to worry about; that in the end, despite her growing numbness and sorrow, she could still live as before. Or perhaps it was just that having him close again comforted her. Whether there was a deep meaning behind the relief his behavior had caused her or if it really was nothing more than his presence, she hadn’t dawdled on it. She let him be, at ease with just knowing he was in her arms again.
She pulled back from Angel, wondering what he wanted. He gave her a pleading, watery-eyed look as he gently pushed his paws to her collar and licked his lips, pulling an arm back to rub his tummy for extra measure. She gave a small “oh” and pulled her half-eaten bowl of soup before her with a smile, gingerly pulling bits of chopped vegetables out with her muzzle and laying them on a napkin to soak up the broth, nudging Angel to the growing pile. “I need to go to town to pick up more food but I’m sure you’ll like this until then.” He rubbed his face against her neck oh so sickeningly sweetly before glaring at Discord and tugging the napkin to him so he could stay as close to the pegasus as possible.
Discord waited for his face to brighten at the taste of the vegetables before chiming in. “Oh I do so hope you like it, Angel,” he said his name almost mockingly, though more playful than malevolent. “After all, I cooked it myself.” He held his claw to his chest, his feathers ruffling with pride at seeing the bunny’s irritated glare. But the food was too good to stop eating, so instead of following his first instinct and shoving the food away, he turned his back to the draconequus to munch in peace.
Fluttershy was too distracted pulling out more food to notice the details of the exchange. After being alone for nearly two weeks, and especially after not eating properly, it was hard for her to focus on more than one thing at a time. She slurped at the broth, taking a moment to really taste it this time around, before catching Discord’s gaze. “It really is very good,” she smiled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hoof, bending down to Angel again, “isn’t it Angel?” He grumbled and turned his face to the side, giving Fluttershy the chance to look up at Discord and mouth “He likes it.”
And there was something so serene, so mundane about the whole exchange of looks, the whole exchange of words, that made Discord’s heart clench. The absurd normalcy of it all, the absurd wonder that encapsulated him as she bent back down and licked the bunny’s fur, grooming him as he ate with just as much reluctance as fervor. His pupils dilated and his throat closed around a gulp, his tail coiling oh so slightly from the tension building up in him.
It made sense. Oh how he loathed the word but oh how it was true; it made terrible, awful, wonderful sense. And how she made sense, normal in the most chaotic way, striving for an uneventful life but getting caught up in all the changes in Equestria, scared of her own shadow but somehow able to be brave, taking care of animals by adapting their behaviors… He watched as she continued licking the bunny’s fur. Normal in the most natural, chaotic way, like the very earth itself. And being what he was, he was drawn to this--drawn to the want for order, and the constant imbalances as it strove for middle ground. And of course it took the most mundane, most normal, most inconsequential exchange of words to realize it.
Not so very inconsequential after all.
His hearts clenched and he found it hard to breath. Though the feeling wasn’t foreign to him, he hadn’t felt it in so long it might as well have been new. Yes he’d been in relationships before, but all with more extremes. One had strove for order, which had been what drew him to them, but also enjoyed the thrill of chaos; then another had wanted to overthrow order, keeping only enough to organize a rebellion; and another had been so stiff, so consumed with the want to have everything in place, to have everyone follow rules, and had gotten so thrilled when things got out of line, giving them more reason to claim even more order; and yet another had defied order, had torn down the most uptight system, and yet when everything had crumbled to chaos, took it upon themselves to rebuild the society under a loosely organized set of laws.
He had lived so long, had seen all types of organized rule, all types of dismantling, yet in the end it was order that drew him to them, order that had sparked a relationship, order that had ended it.
His claws had been clutching the blanket he lay on, and he loosened his grip as best he could, turning his gaze back to the pegasus. His grip tightened once more. There was something about her order that was different, raw. It wasn’t civilized order that drove her, or a need for an organized life. He watched as she groomed the rabbit, her calm contrasted with his disgruntled demeanor. His body grew stiff. It was balance.
Angel had since finished his meal and Fluttershy watched him as he dug around in the snow, testing out his new resistance to the cold. They had settled into a comfortable silence. Fluttershy was taking in the music of the winds blowing through the barren trees and the distant songs of birds, Angel was tossing around in the snow hollows he’d dug, shaking the ice out of his fur like a sand bath, and Discord was fidgeting with the ends of the blanket, lost in thought.
Fluttershy sighed, remembering she needed to go to the market soon. Her pantry was still stocked with seeds and dried fruits, but she was low on fresh vegetables. Probably out now that Discord had made that wonderful soup. She turned her gaze to the sky and noted the sun’s position. It was only an hour or so past noon, she still had plenty of time. At ease she could enjoy the afternoon some more, she laid back down and nestled her head on her hooves.
Then her ear twitched. Something cold had lodged itself between her ear and her mane. She pushed the snow out with her hoof and turned to Discord. “How did you know it was going to snow?” His ears shot up at her voice and his head snapped in her direction, eyes wide, almost startled. Fluttershy’s brows furrowed and she slowly reached out a hoof to cover his lion paw, which she noted had tangles around the edge of the blanket. “Are you okay?”
It took him a moment to gather himself, but his eyes relaxed and he pulled his paw back, busying it by scratching his neck. “Just lost in thought,” he murmured. “What did you say?”
But she didn’t buy it. “Discord, if something’s wrong…”
But he shook his paw in dismissal. “I’m fine, dear,” then he caught himself. He paused a moment, breaking eye contact before he continued. “Just distracted.” He started scratching his neck again, “What were you saying?”
She still didn’t buy it, not completely. But she didn’t want to force anything out of him, so she pushed off some snow on her leg and gestured to the sky. “I was just wondering how you knew it was going to snow? I thought you didn’t like keeping up with the weather plans.”
“Hm? Oh, ew, no. I just,” he stopped scratching his neck and brought his dragon leg up to get behind his ear, “When you’re a being of chaos, you’re able to sense things that are ‘planned.’ That and I’ve been around long enough to recognize the changes in temperature and atmosphere and all that.”
“That’s incredible.”
His fur fluffed at the compliment and he smiled at his talons before twirling them in his beard. “Yes well, I am rather incredible.”
Whatever had been troubling him seemed to have passed and Fluttershy hummed in agreement, trying to keep her own thoughts from before from bubbling up. But with the wind slowing for the moment and the landscape growing quiet, there wasn’t much to distract her, and she had trouble redirecting her thoughts. Altering reality with a flick of a tail, reading the changes in the air with as much ease at it took to blink, not to mention stabilizing Angel’s temperature so he could spend what was suppose to be one of the coldest winters in decades with her… He was so powerful. And it scared her. Not his abilities, not how easily he could manipulate the world, but the fact someone with so much power wanted to spend time with her, bothered to restore a relationship with a pony with no magic and no strength and no control whatsoever. It felt unreal.
It felt like she wasn’t a part of it, whatever this was, like this life wasn’t really hers and she was just along for the ride. But it didn’t feel wrong, not in the sense she wasn’t doing what was right; it felt wrong in that maybe this wasn’t her life to live. That maybe this life wasn’t supposed to be lived. She was sitting across from one of the most powerful beings in Equestria, who had up until a few years ago spent countless moons encased in stone, and she had tagged along as her friends saved the kingdom foe after foe… The world had lined up so that all these adversaries appeared one after another in such a short period of time, when for the last thousand moons there had only been Nightmare Moon and King Sombra and maybe a few others. It just felt too unreal a life for a pony like her to live. Her life was suppose to be quiet and uneventful, and yet it felt wrong to imagine it as such, that even that life wouldn’t be hers.
Fluttershy’s eyes had been out of focus and she took a moment to steady them on the pattern of her blanket, took a shaky breath, and brushed some snow off her wing. “I still need to go to the market.” She pushed herself up and started packing her bags, her voice quiet. “And the clouds are still a little ways away so, I mean if--I should head for town soon to get Angel some veggies, if you want to come.” Halfway through packing the blanket they were still on, tugging it from under her hooves, she heard a snap and everything was gone.
“Yes I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. And I can have us there in a flash if you want to grab that little fluffball of yours.” Whatever had been on his mind seemed to be pushed away completely, and she felt guilty for being jealous of his control.
Discord had forgotten just how much taller Fluttershy was than the average mare. He was so used to thinking of her as small, normally only comparing her and everypony else’s characteristics to his own, it always seemed to escape his mind that, when not slouching, she stood about a head taller than most of her friends. And almost everyone else too, he noted, as they made their way through rushing ponies trying to get the last items on their lists before the snow reached town.
But she tended to keep her head down in crowds so, even in situations where her height should stand out, it didn’t. He was too distracted by the pony beside him he didn’t notice heads turn as he walked by. Footsteps faltered and hushed whispers spread.
“Fluttershy!” Her ears perked and she glanced around as Rarity trotted up between the crowd of ponies, Rainbow quickly behind. “Oh it’s been ages since I’ve seen you, how are you?”
Fluttershy’s wings ruffled a bit, excited and nervous to see her friends. “It’s only been a week, I thought.”
“Yes, yes, but in this dull season time seems to turn so slowly. But oh, it’s so wonderful to see you.” She brushed her head past Fluttershy’s and nuzzled her cheek against her, and Fluttershy returned the gesture, hesitantly at first, before the warmth her friend radiated eased her.
Odd how the short period of time that had passed felt so long. She’d last rubbed against Rarity only a handful of days ago, and yet the gesture felt different than she remembered. Before, it had come so naturally. She would nuzzle her friends absently, without second thought, but now she had to focus on the action and consciously move her head. The warmth was still there, and it was still comforting, but it seemed to take energy away from her at the same time it gave her comfort. She’d pressed herself into Discord the last few days, and had been cuddling Angel a bit the last few hours, and she couldn’t stop thinking how different each gesture felt. It had been somewhere around two weeks since she had last been with her animal friends and yet she had almost forgotten how there was something remotely different between rubbing fur against fur, burrowing her face in Angel’s downy coat, and feeling a body breath against hers. And she didn’t realize just how much she missed that kind of physical contact.
“We were just about to pick up some fabric and jewelry supplies.”
“Is Rainbow helping you pick out colors?”
Rainbow Dash scoffed and shook her hoof, “I don’t know anything about colors. I’m just helping Rarity carry everything, she needs a lot of muscle power.”
Rarity leaned close to Fluttershy, “Applejack was busy.”
“Hey, I heard that! I may not pull carts all day but I’m still plenty strong.” She flicked her tail, “Besides, how heavy can some fabric be? I mean, it’s just a bunch of thread.”
“I really do appreciate the help Dashie, but remember if we need to take two trips there’s no shame in that.” Her eyes lit as they returned to Fluttershy, “Oh Fluttershy I just remembered, the salon just stocked new floral scents the other day and they smell divine. I was having trouble deciding on which one to get but you have such good taste you simply must come help me. And of course I’ll buy you a bottle as thanks.”
Fluttershy hesitated just long enough for Rainbow to intervene, “She already spends so much time in the meadows why not just buy a different scent, or just regular scented shampoo?”
“It’s winter, Dashie, there are no flowers in Ponyville. Besides, you already spend so much time in the sky and why just the other day I saw you stock up on 50%-off ozone scented hair wash.”
“I-I,” her face flushed, “It was cheap.”
“And I’m sure they put more on the shelves, so I’d be happy to buy you some, too.”
Rainbow tried to hide her smile with a flick of her hair. “Well come on, the snow’ll be here soon.” Impatient as ever, she nudged Rarity towards the jeweler before trotting ahead.
“We shouldn’t be too long if you want to meet us at the salon after. I could so use your expertise on flowers to pick the right bottles.” She batted her eyes and crossed her legs, ignoring Rainbow dinging the shop bell for her attention.
Fluttershy’s face had flushed with the joy of seeing her friends and their casual antics, and she lowered her head just a tad more to hide her growing smile. “I’d love to.”
Rarity quickly nuzzled her before a delighted “Oh, wonderful,” and caught up with Rainbow.
Stocking up on veggies didn’t seem to take too long, especially considering the hurried crowd. Of course that may have been because most of the stalls had already sold close to everything before they’d arrived. Regardless of the small selection, Fluttershy was able to get enough to last the next few days and handed Angel a carrot before heading to the body shop with her market companions.
Discord had been pretty quiet while she picked things out, busying himself with the book he had taken from the Canterlot Library. It felt, not odd, but a tad awkward to have someone so openly trying to help. There was no secrecy in his actions as he walked beside her, book hovering and blocking his view. It was moving, in a way. His blatant actions didn’t give off the impression that he sought her acknowledgment, merely that this was something he was doing and there was no reason to hide it or make it a big deal. The way he read it was just as nonchalant as a pony would read a takeout menu, or glance at their watch. Of course he had been somewhat inconspicuous about it, masking the title so as to not draw unwanted questions.
But as they walked into the body shop and Fluttershy saw Rarity and Rainbow Dash, she felt a pang of guilt. She had been so open about her troubles with Discord, but hid them from all her other friends. Did she doubt their ability to understand? Was she just scared to bring it up? She’d known Rainbow since flight school; shouldn’t she have been the first one to open up to? She’d already kept things from them far longer than she should have and worried that if she opened up now she may create a dent.
Fluttershy held her breath as she entered the body shop, trying to focus her attention on the new winter decorations instead of her nagging thoughts. She was grateful the staff ponies were busy with other customers and didn’t trouble her with more than a quick “Welcome” as she made her way to Rarity and Rainbow.
“Oh, excellent timing, Fluttershy. I’ve already narrowed down to three fragrances.” She hovered the shampoo bottles in front of her, pointing her hoof at the far left bottle. “I’m really leaning towards this one. Fairy toes take forever to grow and they always run out of this one halfway through the season, what with the short supply. But gold whisper flowers have such a soothing scent.” She turned her head to the second bottle, brows creased. “But I already bought this shampoo last year, but they also changed the formula.” Sighing, she placed her hoof back on the floor, “And frankly this last one just has me stumped. I barely smell anything, and the flower itself looks quite plain, but it’s marked up.” She threw her main back dejectedly, saying how Aloe and Lotus were so busy at the moment and she didn’t want to bother them.
Rainbow gave Fluttershy a deadpan look.
She clamped her mouth shut and looked away before she could laugh. “I, um. They’re all very lovely flowers, Rarity. I don’t think fairy toes would be good for this winter, though. They have a very… sad scent.” She looked down as her friends stared at her. “I mean, when it gets too cold, they, well…”
“Smell sad? How can a flower smell sad?” Rainbow reached for the bottle and gave a whiff. “It just smells cold.”
Rarity hovered the bottle back to her, taking another sniff for herself. “I suppose cold can be sad, but it smells quite dreamy to me. Is this one of those ‘eye of the beholder’ sort of things, Fluttershy?” She fought to keep her gaze from drifting to Discord, peeking over his book to look at the bottle. “Er, I mean, everypony has different tastes, yes?”
Fluttershy reached for the bottle, capping it before placing it with the others on the shelf. “Normally I’d say yes, but not in this weather. It’s warm inside, but in a cold environment, its scent enhances, and almost haunts those around it. I think it’s a defense mechanism, to protect itself until it’s warm enough for pollinators, but it makes you feel like wilting. And this winter is suppose to get cold enough for that. I just don’t want you to feel that way, Rarity.” Fluttershy couldn’t imagine why they had even stocked the fragrance in the first place. It must’ve been ordered before the plans for winter came out. She looked at her hooves, half embarrassed, half proud for saying more than just a few words.
Rarity’s voice was full of awe. “Fluttershy, I had no idea. You really know your flowers.” She seemed giddy, almost excited as she held the other bottles up to her. “What of these?”
Even Rainbow was leaning in, curious for once about the winter scents.
Discord had closed his book completely, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to ignore her. It was so wonderful when Fluttershy talked about her interests, when she got so lost in them that she stopped stammering. He wasn’t able to look away as she smiled, held back a laugh, and continued with newfound confidence.
“Gold whispers have a stronger appearance than they do smell. But you said they changed the formula?” She turned over the bottle and scanned over the labels. “I think they mixed the petals in at the end. This’ll leave golden flecks in your mane.” She smiled at the small squeal Rarity made. “They also mixed in some of the roots, which have a numbing quality. Too much can be dangerous, but a small amount can help soothe your muscles. And the other-”
“Wait, what was that about being dangerous?” Rainbow grabbed the gold whisper shampoo, looking it over, unable to hold back her excitement. “This frilly flower is deadly?”
Fluttershy was practically beaming, being able to excite her friends with her little nature factoids. “Only the roots. Ponies use to grind them up for medicines, but too much can paralyze you for several days.”
“I want it.”
“Pardon?”
“You said you’d get me a bottle? I want this one!” Rainbow’s eyes were sparkling as she turned the shampoo over and over in her hooves.
Rarity’s eyes widened, her smile turning to a grin as she nodded at her dear friend before turning back to Fluttershy with a wondrous look before encouraging her to continue.
He cheeks were hurting from holding back her smile. “The last one I think you’ll really like, Rarity. Whisker flowers don’t have a strong scent or dazzling appearance, but they do a wonderful job conditioning fur. They’re the best at fluffing up your coat and softening your mane, and help prevent split ends. I really like this one, actually; it helps me stay warm in the winter.”
Rarity hummed as she moved it into her cart, grabbing another to join it. “You know, my mane always dries out from the autumn air. This sounds absolutely lovely, Fluttershy. You know I’ve always envied how soft yours is.” Rarity must’ve caught how surprised Fluttershy was at her comment and changed the subject before she could stammer herself into a corner. “I’ll go check these out for us. The register’s rather crowded, why don’t you wait here?” She wrapped her magic around the bottle in Rainbow’s hoof and brought it to her basket before trotting to the register.
Rainbow, brought out of her daze, focused on something behind the pegasus’ flushed face. Something odd. Fluttershy always got flustered at complements, so it didn’t stand out. What did stand out though, was--
“Hey, shouldn’t Angel be hibernating?”
Still flustered, Fluttershy was only able to get out a few syllables before Discord jumped in. “That would be my doing. Why sleep all winter when you can play in it?” He leaned over, attempting to pet the baby bunny before it grumbled at him and they stuck their tongues out at each other. “Still learning gratitude, though.”
Rainbow raised a brow and looked at Fluttershy for an explanation.
“I, he, um… I just missed Angel and Discord offered to, um, stabilize his temperature so he could stay with me…” She was about to feel guilty when Angel dove in her mane and snuggled up to her, chasing away the bad feelings before they could form. She turned to Discord then, eyes peeking out from her mane. “Thank you, again, for doing this.”
It was nice, seeing her friends. It was really nice. She couldn’t imagine what she’d been so scared of before, she almost didn’t want to leave the market. But the snow was falling more heavily now, and the winds were starting to pick up. She parted ways with Rarity and Rainbow Dash with plenty of nuzzles, agreeing to visit the Boutique when the snow let up. Aside from Discord the past few days, she’d spent the better part of the past few weeks alone. It was amazing how just half an hour with her friends could energized her so much. It was nice.
And being in Ponyville was nice. The bodies rushing in the market, however crowded it was, was a much welcome alternative to her mostly desolate cottage. Time was still moving. Plants were still growing, flowers blooming outside Ponyville. It was quiet at her cottage, but that didn’t mean the entire world was frozen. Life moved on without her, and it was as comforting as it was distancing. But it was something. And Fluttershy latched onto that.
The rushing wind and falling snow had morphed to a billowing storm. Angel was content with stuffing himself and resting by the fire Discord kept burning, or lounging in Fluttershy’s soft bed. He was use to sleeping through winter storms, so the rattling of the cottage and roaring of the wind eased him into a cozy slumber.
Fluttershy had also slowed down in wake of the weather. She kindled what energy she could from seeing Rarity and Rainbow with board games, Discord more eager to play than Angel, but the storm swiftly snuffed it out. Discord was in the kitchen now, baking cookies for them to decorate. It was a rather tame activity for the draconequss, but he figured something mundane would comfort Fluttershy more than a boisterous activity. So she sat by the window, the smell of Discord’s unique gingerbread and low hum of his singing easing her as the storm raged outside. Barren branches snapped and wind howled. The contrast with the fogging window and thrumming fire wrapped her in a distorted blanket of comfort and melancholy.
Time was still moving, she reminder herself, and beyond the piling show the town was still living. She stood and moved to the kitchen, taking a seat as she watched Discord wind around the cabinets, pulling bowls and ingredients from thin air, occasionally plopping some cookie dough in front of her to pick at. He was so colorful, dancing reds and blues bending at impossible angles as he maneuvered around everything. Fluttershy couldn’t look away.
She’d been growing more curious. During conversations her eyes would lose focus and she’d stare beyond him, concentrating on something else. And it was always when he’d tell stories and use words like “back then” and “it happened a while ago.” To be honest, he really should’ve been avoiding tales of his past after their little picnic, but one side comment on how that butterfly in her field guide looked familiar had turned to a question about where he’d seen one before, which had turned to him correcting to when he’d seen one before, which had gotten her more excited about animals she’d never heard of and, oh, he loved telling stories he couldn’t catch himself in time before a whole tale had been spun. And of course that led to questions of other extinct species and that wonder in her eyes got him too distracted to think about the consequences of throwing these words around carelessly, these words that shook her out of her trance and had her spellbound in a new one.
Eventually it became too much. He knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, and he couldn’t keep putting it off now that she’d grown so focused on it. So sometime in the afternoon, resting in front of Fluttershy’s hearth, when he’d finished another story about another creature she was curious about he steadied his breath, got her attention by brushing the tuft of his tail against her nose, and trying to keep things light-hearted, rested his face in his claws and gave a toothy grin. “You are a curious pony.”
Shaken from her thoughts, she blinked a few times before meeting his eyes. “You, uh…” she closed her mouth and looked away, getting her thoughts together. “I… I am a… little curious. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me, I’m just…”
“Curious.” She nodded. He kept his voice light as he wiggled his tail against her face again, “Yes, I thought so. And you know… I think I’ve gotten everything sorted into words, if you’d still like to hear them.”
She blushed at the tail in her face, slowly reaching for it to pull down as she gathered herself, and held it under her hooves, causing Discord to lose the confident air he’d been trying to keep. She didn’t make eye contact, distracted by the white tuft that had grown almost still under her. But she smiled. “Of course I want to hear.”
His hackles rose and he took a quick moment to calm himself again, turning his gaze to the side, unable to focus it on her anymore. “Then maybe, to make it simpler… you could ask a question and I could start from there…”
He heard her hum thoughtfully, before whispering, almost as if to herself, “I remember you said you didn’t hatch from an egg, and if… you weren’t a-abandoned, but you also didn’t have any… I mean, so, you couldn’t have been born through a live birth. So…” she wound the end of his tail around one of her hooves, probably absently, to keep grounded, and it caused a shiver to run up his spine. “How were you born?”
The shiver running through him came to an immediate halt. A rush of air came out his mouth in what could’ve only been a laugh. “Always one step ahead of me. I can’t answer that without explaining everything else.” But before she could interrupt and pose a different question to start with, he rushed right in.
“The first thing you need to know, Fluttershy, is that ‘Spirit of Chaos’ is more than just a fancy title. Chaos has always been around, from the moment this very world was formed.” Keep it dull. Keep it “scientific.” List the bullet points and read them fast. “It’s what caused the earth to quake and magma to escape the crust, which changed the ocean’s floor and formed lands, causing water currents, which in turn allowed the rocks to weather into sand. And then when life started, it’s what caused cells to mutate and grow, and it drove evolution.” He was going fast, too fast, he hoped, for her to soak everything in. But he couldn’t dare a glance to make sure, so he closed his eyes to continue, doing what he could to ignore the tightened grip on his tail.
“I suppose one way of saying it is that I am chaos, and that isn’t necessarily wrong. But a better way of putting it is that I’m a part of chaos--the conscious part. I haven’t always had this form, and I haven’t always had a form. And I can’t exactly say I was born, so much as… woke up.
Keep it “scientific.” Keep it dull. Keep it boring. Don’t make it a tale. “As more complex organisms evolved, they became more than a body driven by instincts. They grew to be more aware, and as they evolved further, they started forming the very first societies. They were primitive at the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that they grew aware enough to actively pursue order. Simple laws about where to nest, what to nest with, where to hunt, what to hunt with. And it’s not like animals hadn’t already exclusively nested in certain areas or eaten certain things, but it was the consciousness of the acts that made all the difference.
“Because while there was always chaos soaked within the land and air and sea, there was also order, a kind of homeostasis within the planet, adjusting and adapting to the changes, keeping the world hospitable as best it could. And with these simple societies, order grew a kind of awareness. And that’s when I woke up.
“I was a small pinch of the chaotic vortex humming over the world, and suddenly I had senses. I didn’t have a form yet, so I couldn’t see or hear or touch the way you can, but I could feel. I could sense where order was being pursued and where it was strongest. And as a way to combat it, I could channel chaos and give it any form I wanted. If I felt that a society had found a way to fish more effectively, I’d make the fish more aggressive and harder to catch. I couldn’t do much, not at first. The amount of chaos I can channel reflects just how much order is being fought for. So as societies grew, I became more powerful, and I was able to take form.” He looked down at his mismatched claws, getting distracted. “This one’s relatively new… You ponies are so remarkable, you know?” he whispered, his speech now slow. “Somehow you grew to control the times of day and night, and you can even keep weather on track. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to channel so much chaos before… it’s hard not to get carried away. But, I’m doing my best.” He wanted to sneak a glance but couldn’t find it in himself, so he cleared his throat, ready to continue. Her grip on his tail was growing tighter, and he could feel her start to tremble. He almost wanted to stop, but he couldn’t. He was almost done and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to find it in himself to start again later. So he took another long, steadying breath before continuing, his voice louder but still hushed.
“Of course… societies fall and evolution takes a step back. As populations dwindled and they couldn’t pursue as much order, I grew weak. And when the last of them passed and the world no longer had any creatures struggling for order, I fell back asleep, melting back into the unconscious void until more sprung up.”
It didn’t bother him, losing consciousness and suddenly waking up millions of years later. It was what he was and he’d never imagined what being mortal would be like before. Contemplating his being wasn’t a hard subject for him, but he was scared how Fluttershy would take it in.
Allowing her to keep his tail wrapped around her trembling hooves, he stretched the tip so he could once again flick it against her face, opening his eyes and smirking at her. “I hope that didn’t drone on too long.” But she didn’t return his playful gaze. “Fluttershy?”
She was quiet. And her face shifted. Oh how her expressions gave her away, the furrowing of her brows a clear indicator of her reaching the most worrisome conclusions. The fire crackled in front of them. Her voice was soft. “I knew you were older than us, and I knew you’d live longer.” She took more than a moment to focus on her breathing, heavy breaths quaking. “And I tried not to think about it but deep down I knew that I… wouldn’t always be there with you. I suppose that’s why I’ve been so insistent on you learning how to make friends…”
He’d seen it coming. From the first word he saw it coming. But he hadn’t expected her to be thinking about it for so long. The thought had been growing too much on his mind and he was use to outliving everything, but now he could barely take it. How long had she been mulling this?
Her eyes flickered as her thoughts trampled through every possible path, hunting for the best way out. He could hear her throat closing in her voice and she was choking back sobs, “But I’d only suspected a few hundred years, Discord you can’t!” Her hooves wrapped around his tail even tighter, and he could feel her trembling travel through his body. His eyes wavered, begging him to look away. “You can’t be alone that long you can’t just live to see the earth die I-I won’t let you! Discord!” she forced him to keep her gaze, her eyes steely as she rasped, and even as she spoke he could sense her mind whirring. It was a whisper but he heard it as a shout. “Make me immortal.”
His body was pounding and he could barely hear with the blood pumping in his ears. He couldn’t look away he absolutely couldn’t, but he forced himself to. He couldn’t keep up any act right now, he didn’t have the energy. His voice was tired, weak. “Fluttershy, you can’t ask me that. I’m too selfish and… I won’t do that to you.”
“But you can.”
“But I won’t.”
“Discord.” She was right next to him, her grip on his tail forgotten as she let it fall loosely around her firmly planted hooves, her voice a whisper. “I can’t let you be alone”
He kept his head turned away, scared he’d lose if he met her eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking. Even if I did, what about when I fall back asleep? You’d be alone for so long,” millions of years “with nobody around, until I woke up again.” She’d outlive all her friends, her very species, and, “I can’t do that to you.”
But she wasn’t letting down, fighting to keep her hold as her body shook, as her eyes swelled. “I’d have the animals. Or you could just have me go to sleep and wake me up when you come back”
“No, Fluttershy.”
“Yes.”
“You’re in too fragile a state right now, after all that’s been going on. I won’t take advantage of that.” He couldn’t stop saying no, he knew it. He was too selfish and he was too scared about life without her. Leaving past relationships was easy, they had ended before he could worry about mortality, and even then they’d been more casual than this. He never had a friend before and he’d never shared such a strong bond. And he was weak. He was too weak to keep saying no.
Now she was on top of him, pinning him down and forcing him to meet her gaze. “I’m not letting you go alone.” Her tears were falling on his face and he couldn’t look away. He almost wanted to call her ethereal, but he couldn’t. She wasn’t. Her mane was tangled and tattered at the ends; her coat was uneven, with patches of fur thicker and paler than the rest as her winter coat grew in, faded scars peeking through from handling wilder animals; her hooves were worn and her wings ruffled; one nostril was slightly larger than the other; and her eyes had grown almost dull with the season, but still shimmered through the wet of her tears. She was mortal and she was imperfect and she was the most beautiful being he’d ever seen. He slowly reached his claw up to cup her face, and beneath him could feel just how mortal she was. He felt cells grow and split just at the same time others withered. He could feel her aging in his claw, could feel her dying. He couldn’t lose her.
He rubbed his thumb against her cheek as his fingers slid under her chin to draw her close, raising his own head in turn. There was no resistance on her part as she drew forward, eyelids lowering. They were but a hair’s width apart, he could feel her breath on his lips. So close, so very close… But he drew back. “I can’t do this to you.” He pulled her down on him and rushed to tangle his eagle talon in her withers as his lion claw held her head to his chest. He did it quickly, gently but fervently pressing the tips of his fingers against the base of her neck as he whispered into her ear. “Sleep.”
He waited until she grew completely limp and pressed the pad of his thumb just above her forehead, focusing before drawing it up, and with it came a small, clear orb that could only be seen from the glimmer it gave off in the light. “It’s too much for you, it’s too much right now.” He pressed his face to the top of her back, trying to steady his breathing as he kept the claw hovering the orb at arm’s length, almost as if he were afraid she’d wake up and take it back. His breath shuddered as he held her close, “I’ll tell you again, I promise. It’s just too much right now.”
And to make sure she couldn’t get the memory of his past back, he swallowed it, and in doing so felt all the sadness and resolve he’d never been able to imagine one creature to hold. He gasped sharply and his body shivered. And he held her close, cursing himself for making her feel the way she did.