The Marriage of Derpy

by Paton Pendeng

First published

After courtship comes the wedding. All is planned and will run smoothly, but... Where the hay is Derpy? (Sequel to the Courtship of Derpy)

Marriage- (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.

Celestia and Depry's relationship has blossomed beautifully. One of them pops the question, and the wedding preparations are under way. Only one problem...

Where the hay is Derpy?


Fanfic includes a bit of some crossovers, but it hardly has revelance to the plot. Also, may include some sad themes. Screw you rules. I hope they didn't hear me.

Chapter the Prologue

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"Sister?" Luna's voice called from behind the door followed by a knock. "I have the preparations-" Luna walked into Celestia's room carrying within her magic a folio. Her eyes scanned the empty bedroom. Her eyebrows leveled in determination. She had a lot of buisness to discuss with her sister. In truth, she'd rather be in her chambers being waited on and served by her harem right now, especially Mr. Ed. The way that stallion talks...

Shaking her head of the image, she concentrated on thetask at hand. Work first, and then play. "Sister?" she called out once more. The bathroom door wasn't shut, and the interior was lacking the white alicorn mare of the sun. She then trotted over to a door, and opening it to reveal the sitting room of her sister. Inside was a divan, and large chairs of wicker. Despite her best efforts, Luna could not find Celestia.

"Celestia?" Luna called out with irritation. She approached a closet door and made the mistake of opening it. Immediately, Luna was hit by an avalanche of micellaneous stuff spearheaded by a banana with a sultry gaze and a black plush mustache. The lunar princess' eyes went wide. She did not think once about escaping having been caught by the suspicious banana. Before the alicorn knew it, she was trapped under a pile of junk.

"Ugh... Tia?" She called out in vain once more, having crawled out of the stuff. She still managed to hold onto the folio and, after making sure nothing within was lost, continued her search. She made a mental note to ask about the plush fruit later. She trotted back into the bedroom and saw a folded piece of parchment with a very delicate C on it. Luna spent no time in opening it and reading the message inside. The alicorn sighed and massaged her temples.

"Tia..." she groaned and dropped the folio on the vanity. "If dost thou ask of us to help plan, then why not take it seriously?" Her eyes wondered over to a framed photo sitting nearby. Celestia and a grey wall-eyed mare held each other in a hug. They were in a park, and behind them sat a whimsical castle of sorts, or more whimsical than the castle within Canterlot.

"Featherbrain," Luna stated with fondness. "Thou has it bad." Written upon the note was a very brief message.

Gone to Derpy's. See you whenever.

Celestia:heart:


"Rub-a-dub dub," Derpy sang to herself while washing a few dishes in the sink. "Soak the plates in the suds." This lyric was followed by a piece of very fine Neighpalese set being dunked into soapy water. It was soon scrubbed by a rough piece of steel wool.

"When all's said and done," Derpy said once more. "Let 'em dry in the sun." She then removed the plate placed it rather roughly against a pile of cutlery resting on the kitchen counter. After doing this, Derpy pulled the plug to drain the water from the sink.

"Hmm..." Derpy hummed in thought. "Where do they get steel wool anyways...?" She scutinized the piece of rough metal. She wondered idly if there were iron sheep. They must be quite strong to carry the stuff. Metal is really heavy, like pianos. Maybe they should form a union to get money for their wool to pay for the visits to the back doctor. Her thrilling and deep train of thought was derailed by a knock at her door. Tosing the cleaning tool haphazardly against the stak of plates, she made her way over to the door.

"I'm coming!" Derpy called out. She paused before her small living room. Before her lied a glass coffee table which she eyed cautiously. The box it came in said unbreakable, but Derpy wasn't so sure... She could find a way if she wanted tried. She slowly edged her way around it, before continuing her happy gait. She reached the door and opened it. Her expression immediately brightened.

"Celestia!" she exclaimed. The grey mare nearly leapt up and hugged the alicorn, but manage to contain her excitable nature. "Come in! Come in! Make yourself at home."

"Hello Derpy," Celestia greeted without the regalia of her princess persona. She wore no gilded slippers and her golden tiara was not adorned upon her head. Here eyes were tired, and the alicorn's beautiful and vibrant mane that flowed and ebbed in an invisible breeze hung limply, and lacked the life it normally held. She entered cautiously, careful not to chip her elongated horn. "It's so good to see you- I'm sorry I didn't send word of my arrival sooner."

"Balderdash!" Derpy exclaimed much to Celestia's surprise. The grey mare guided the alicorn over to her loveseeat, and prompted her to sit down. "No marefriend of mine will ever be unwelcome at my house. Now, would you like anything to drink?"

"Oh, Derpy..." Celestia sighed, allowing herself to let go. The stress as of late was killing her. "Do you still ave that minty tea?"

"Iced or regular?" Derpy asked politely before leaving to her kitchen.

"Um... regular," she replied. She directed her attention to her wing. She had cleverly hidden a small parcel within it, and hoped the Derpy didn't see it.

"What brings you here?" Derpy asked innocently from the other room.

"Just a long day," Celestia sighed, admiring the simplicity of the home she visited frequently. While some may criticize the rural and architectural look of the place when comparing it to the castle of Canterlot, Celestia found it to be incredibly refreshing and relaxing. "That, and I wanted to see how my marefriend was doing."

"You came a few days ago fo the same reason," Derpy stated just as the kettle's whistle tweeted at a high pitch. The sounds of cutlery clattered about, ending just as the grey pegasus returned with a tea tray. "It's not like I'm gonna burn the house down for the umpteenth time..." she coughed at the end.

"Well, I may just want to hear your wonderous voice and see your beautiful eyes more than once or twice," Celestia said with a small smile just as Derpy carefully set the tray on the glass table. "I can't help if I'm addicted."

"Eh-he-he..." Derpy giggled awkwardly with a deep blush. As soon as the tray had made it onto the table, Derpy flapped roughly onto the couch opposite to the one Celestia sat upon. "So, how was your day?" She asked, attempting to break the awkward tension. Despite being in a relationship for quite a while, the pegasus still found that Celestia could always find a way to make her blush.

"Oh, by the Faust," Celestia graoned. "First my annoying nephew, Blueblood, scheduled an appointment with me just to blather on about politics and noble family squabbles. He isn't even my nephew technically; just a really distant relation. He took up all of my time, making me skip lunch. I then had to advise my council in what ways to run the nation. Some of them are okay, but..." Celestia shook her head. "I can see hunger in their eyes, Derpy. Their like vultures circling me, the lone worm drying up in my own sunlight."

"Well, maybe you should give them a sandwhich," Derpy replied with enthusiasm. "Then, they won't eat you and instead fight over the sandwhich." The alicorn smiled. She could never guess if Derpy was being cute or actually trying to help. Either way, Celestia found it adorable.

"So how was your day?" Celestia asked.

"Well, my neighbor came over saying that he might be out of town for a few days," Derpy began. "But he says that he'll continue to pay for rent and to just check my mailbox for it every once in a while."

"Oh? Where is he going?" Celestia asked with minor interest. The things that mare would say about her neighbor. In reality, Derpy should be calling him a roomate but the way Derpy explained it was very stange. "Are you going to keep his little square clear?"

"He said something about a crisis, but I forget the rest. He talks too fast..." Derpy said with a hoof scratching behind her head. "But I don't think I need to keep his spot clear. His house usually goes with him."

Celestia still did not understand the nature of Derpy's guest. As far as she could tell, the stallion either lived in a trash bin, or a very small cart. He lived on a small patch of the property with his "house." He was very impotant, though. Derpy made sure to express his importance of him. He wasn't a recluse either, as Derpy invited him to afternoon luncheons from time to time. At first, Celestia was concerned about the pegasus' social life, but after a few stories, and explanations, she concluded that the only outcome of these meetings were new nonsense words, like balderdash, to which Derpy would pick up on and nothing more. However, Derpy was not the only mare he knew. Many mares entered his "house." He was probably a nightwalker. She should let Luna know about this stallion... Derpy served the tea quietly, and soon a comfortable silence settled into the room. The only sounds were the occasional sips from their little cups and the creaking of the wooden house. Celestia then decided to get down to the reason of why she was really here.

"Derpy," Celestia began in an inquisitive tone. "Could you come over here for a moment?"

"Sure!" Derpy walked over to Celestia with a happy and trusting smile.

"Sit, and turn around," Celestia said, much to the pegasus' look of confusion. "Go on, and turn around!" Celestia giggled. With a sigh, the mare complied.

"Now, close your eyes..." Derpy did so. There was a small moment of quiet as a small rattlle and shuffling occured within the room.

"We've been together for quite a while, haven't we?" Celestia began to which Derpy nodded. "About a year?" Derpy again nodded. "One year to this day?" Derpy did nod, but Celestia could feel her uncertainty.

"Don't worry, I can't remember either." Derpy sighed, but felt something different. "You may open your eyes."

Derpy opened her eyes to see her reflection in a mirror and a segment of the floorboards. Around her neck was a golden necklace of fine quality with lustrous pearls set into the metal. A gasp escaped her lips as she covered her face in shock. "It's so pretty," she whispered as she spotted Celestia's warm smile in the mirror. "You shouldn't have..."

"Oh, but I must," Celestia whispers back. A wing draped around Derpy and embraced her. "I love morethan anyone else in this world, do you know that?" She asked. Without waiting for a response, Celestia continued. "I've been... thinking about a lot of things Derpy... and, after taling with my coucil and Luna, I have come to a conclusion."

"Derpy, will you make me the happiest mare in the world by joining me at the altar?"

Derpy's eyes widened and a small noise escaped from behind her hooves. A blush was clearly present, and the pegasus was robbed of all speech. With a simple nod, Derpy agreed. Celestia then laid a small and simple kiss upon the smitten mare, beforeholding her in a loving embrace.

After calming down, Derpy finally spoke, "... You know what this calls for?"

"What?" Celestia aked from cloud nine.

"A celebration, silly!" Derpy broke loose from the alicorn's embrace leaving her puzzled. "I have just the thing!" With that, Derpy zipped off to some place else in the house. a series of hooves against wood trailed all around Celestia, making her wonder what exactly she had in mind.

"What do you mean Derpy?" Celestia asked. "Are you getting muffins?"

"Nope! Something way better!" Derpy called from far off. Soon the pegasus returned with a bottle of soap and a bubble wand in her grasp. A very happy expression graced her features to which Celestia found to be infectious.

Chapter the First

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Today was cause for grand celebration in the kingdom of Equestria. The capital city of Canterlot would be host to yet another wedding. Many ponies were excited, others could care less. Nevertheless, all would agree that this joining of two souls would be one that would live on for a thousand generations.

As much as a grand occasion that it was, Celestia found the entire thing nerve-wracking. Perhaps it was that she wasn't the one conducting the ceremony and instead stood in the bridegroom's horseshoes, or perhaps it was the fact that the public were very mixed opinion wise. Whatever the reason may be, she, the sovereign ruler, was very, very nervous.

Celestia paced back and forth in her room, giving a glance to her dress in the corner. She had to thank Rarity whenever she got the chance. The ruler shook her head and ran through her mental checklist. Luna will be giving the ceremony, Twilight is going to be my best mare and is also organizing the ceremony with Cadence, Pinkie Pie is organizing the reception, Shining Armor is head of the security, Applejack and most of Ponyville's baker's and chefs are catering, Rarity already has the dress attire worked out, Rainbow Dash is working the weather for the wedding, Fluttershy is... that's right, the bird choir for the wedding... Derpy is... Celestia paused. She took a moment to comprehend her soon-to-be spouse's explanation of why she was having her neighbor/roommate participating in the ceremony b handing her over instead of her actual father.

"I don't have the best relationship with my folks," Derpy's voice echoed in Celestia's mind. "We haven't spoken to each other in a long, long time. To ask my dad to just hand me over to the ruler of Equestria, let alone for his blessing, might not be the greatest idea. I know it's strange to have my neighbor hand me off, but he's more of a father than my real one. It's hard to explain him, but I'm sure you'll understand when you meet him."

With a long sigh, Celestia stopped her pacing and simply stared over her room. Her mind was ticking away, trying to make a plan over her plan. She was brought out of her thoughts by a gentle tapping on the door.

"Sister? Tis time for the rehearsal," Luna's muffled voice called.

"Coming!" Celestia replied. She tried to shake the concern out of her mind. With a sigh, she mumbled, "I should be happier, but... I can't shake this feeling that something is wrong..."


Celestia stood at the altar, the room deathly silent. Chairs were placed all around it. She had wanted the ceremony to take place in this room. They would begin at sunset, and as the last words were spoken the light from the sun dipping over the horizon would shine through the windows, silhouetting their forms as they shared the seal of their wedding. This was a rehearsal, however. the only needed ponies were Twilight, Luna, this mysterious neighbor, Derpy and herself. However, there was a slight problem. 3/5 ponies were not here, and one was a little more necessary than the other.

A clocked chimed, and the ruler of Equestria began to sweat a little. She kept telling herself that everything was fine. She had a small inkling that something like this may have happened. She had planned so that something like this would not happen. there would be a female guard to help the Pegasus find her way to the rehearsal. In addition, there would be a second guard to take over for that guard if they needed to pee or something or if the first guard forgot where to go. As a last precaution, she recruited an undercover spy to pose as a bridesmaid to remind Derpy to get to the rehearsal. That guard would definitely know where to go if the two outside didn't know-

Celestia wiped her brow. She was sweating more than a little. She gazed at the clock. Had ten minutes really passed her by? Well, a thousand years did pass faster than she imagined. She kept calm though... well, calmer than her student.

"Where is she? She's fifteen minutes late- FIFTEEN MINUTES! How can we hope to pull off the wedding if we can't even get to the rehearsal?! Gah!!! Now sixteen! When..." Celestia softly tuned out Twilight's maniacal rant. She didn't want to become more worried than she needed to be. Still though, her student did have a fair point. Would it take this long for Derpy to become lost and have plan b, section 4, protocol beta get throne into action? Or... was it Plan gamma, section d, protocol 2? In either case, she knew exactly what to do. I mean, the Pegasus wouldn't be lost for twenty whole minutes. She still had-

The clock in the room ticked over another minute.

If there was ever any doubt that Celestia's coat could lose no more color, it would've been dashed away in the instant that minute ticked over. Her lower body slumped to the floor and her façade fell away completely. Her mane even drooped as all hope and every single one of Celestia's well-laid plans fell away and became meaningless. Every one of her plans had fallen away, but she still knew exactly what to expect.

"Sister...?" Luna would begin with concern first.

"Celestia?" Twilight would so eagerly follow, her own worry being placed on the backburners.

She would not answer and would simply let the next one and a half minutes tick away. Then, the doors to the room burst open. All three of her recruited guards came rushing towards them, stopping before her with their heads hung low.

"We have failed you princess..." they said in unison.

Here it comes, Celestia thought with a droop over her own head. Her eyes welled up with tears as she braced herself for the bad news.

"Derpy, she..." spoke the false bridesmaid.

I should've seen this coming, she reprimanded herself.

"She..."

Hurry up and just say it already! she ordered internally.

"She's been kidnapped."

There was a deafening pause. Twilight gasped in shock, trying to figure out who the culprits could be? Chrysalis? Somba's return? Discord? Meanwhile, Luna seemed to be a mixture of sadness and deep thught. She began to think si ilarly to Twilight, but began running over all of the shared enemies they could've earned over time.

Celestia... did not appear to share the same emotions that her fellow princesses held. For her, everything froze in place, or rather went in very slow motion. Her one thousand year old mind cranked and chugged as the colors around began to blur. She could hear the muffled voices all around her, speaking gibberish. She came to one conclusion: she definitely should have planned for this moment. The difference between what she assumed had happened and what she knew though was a simple fact. She now had hope.

As Luna and Twilight chatted up the guards, leaving the sun-raiser to her misery, the group suddenly found themselves flush against the walls of the room in what could only be described as a blink. Luna and Twilight were the first to right themselves. Luna however seemed to know what was going on.

"It seems my sister ha perhaps become the most dangerous threat to Equestria," she stated neutrally. "I've only ever seen her this... empowered one other time when we were younger."

"Luna," Twilight gasped. "That was... Princess Celestia?" She watched the princess of the night examining a smoldering and bubbling crater where the sun princess once slumped.

"We were igh but foals, yet I still remember..." Luna said with a shake of her head. "She had lost a simple toy, one that could've been replaced post-haste, but she..." Luna shook her head and point towards the large doors of the room, broken off their hinges and partially cracked. "She becme so... obsessed in finding it that she would've torn the walls out to find it."

"But... she didn't," Twilight began in worry. "She controlled herself, right?"

"To put it in simple terms," Luna began with urgency. "Mother and father are not here to pacify her."


Celestia's horn flashed as multiple spells were thrown into the rooms she passed. Some contained ponies, others did not. It didn't matter to her. She only had one mare on her mind. At some point, she had lost her tiara, and her royal regalia. Even the choker around her neck was gone. It probably melted. It was not as important as Derpy was. Nothing could ever be as important as Derpy.

Celestia finished one wing of the castle and was approaching the main hall, where the stained glass windows would be. They could always make more-

Celestia's flight was tossed roughly to the ground as she felt a powerful magical barrier break like glass. She stood up, disoriented from the fall to only be knocked to the ground. She looked up to the pony that would dare interrupt her. Luna. Behind her was a pony reling from magical feedback. Twilight Sparkle. ...Still not as important as Derpy.

"SISTER!" Luna shouted with the Royal Canterlotian voice. It hurt the sun alicorn's ears, but she could complain when Derpy was found.

"Luna, I must find-"

THWACK!

Luna threw a powerful smack across Celestia's cheek. It stung, and for a moment Celestia's mind was blank.

"Snap out of this! Control thyself!" Luna commanded with a quieter voice.

"I... must find her..." the sun alicorn mumbled, her wings spreading out again as she prepared for faster than light travel. "Derpy..."

"NAY!" Luna replied resolutely. "Thou shalt destroy thyself and the country you rule! If you do not come to thy senses now, then how ill you expect to find her?!?!?"

"If it means finding-"

"STOP! You are giving into your fears, sister!" Luna pleaded "If the kingdom and you are nothing but a pale echo of what they were, what does that leave this mare when she is found?!"

"Her... me... together..."

"Celestia-!"

"Er... Excuse me..." a rather posh voice interrupted. A small brown stallion with a chocolate brown mane that also was adorned in an ugly green tie approached the alicorns as if it were nothing. "Royal sisters, if my tardiness is the cause for this ruckus then I must quit emphatically apologize."

The room was deathly silent as all eyes were upon the strange brown stallion.

"And... you would be?" Celestia spoke up as she straightened herself out.

"I'm the Doctor," he replied with a smile. "I'm, er... Derpy's neighbor...? Speaking of, where is she?"