ALLERGY WARNING: Story Contains Traces of Peanut Butter
It was a normal day for Pinkie Pie, and it was time for her to do her job: Make cupcakes.
Pinkie Pie went to newly opened Wal*Mare and purchased confectioner's sugar, creamy peanut butter, softened butter or margarine, vanilla extract, all-purpose flour, unsweetened cocoa, baking soda, salt, sour cream, milk, granulated sugar, and 2 large eggs. She then returned to her humble abode.
When she got home with her groceries, she gathered a bowl and a mixer. In the bowl, with the mixer on medium speed, she mixed the confectioner's sugar, creamy peanut butter, 2 tablespoons of butter, and 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla until it was blended. She shaped the mixture into 24 balls with heaping measuring teaspoons. The balls were sticky, but they were not perfectly shaped. She then preheated the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and lined 24 standard muffin-pan cups with fluted paper liners.
Pinkie Pie then combined flour, cocoa, baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt onto wax paper. She then mixed sour cream, milk, and the remaining vanilla into a 2-cup liquid measuring cup and set it aside. In a large bowl, with the mixer on low speed, she beat the granulated sugar and remaining 8 tablespoons butter until it was blended. She increased the speed to high, beat it for 1 minute, reduced the speed to low, added eggs, 1 at a time, and beat the mixture well after each addition of eggs. She beat it until it was light and fluffy. She added the flour mixture alternately with sour cream mixture, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. She beat it until all the ingredients were combined, and occasionally scraped the bowl with a rubber spatula.
She then spooned 1 heaping measuring tablespoon batter into each muffin-pan cup. She dropped 1 peanut butter ball in the center of each cup and topped it with another heaping tablespoon batter. She baked the cupcakes 25 to 28 minutes. When the 25-28 minutes was over, she opened the oven to reveal her delicious creation. Apparently, she added a tad too much granulated sugar, which created a portal to another universe.
Out of the oven came the mythical creatures called humans (plus an ogre), and throughout the entirety of the portal being open, a terrible pop song from the 80's was playing. Out of the oven portal came Morgan Freeman, Eren Yeager, Ron Paul, Steve Jobs, Rick Astley (the source of the terrible song), and the ogre, Shrek. The song ended and Rick Astley laid down a beat. Shrek started rapping.
"What am I doing in YOUR swamp? Shouldn't there be cupcakes for you to chomp? Whoops! You added too much granulated sugar! And now you're with an ogre who eats his own boogers!"
Morgan Freeman took his turn.
"Yes, I'm THE Morgan Freeman, and you're in my presence, I've been a friend to Batman and I've been a god to Evan. My beautiful voice makes you all want to see why does everyone on the Web worship me?"
Then came Eren Yeager
"My name is Eren and you most know, those big stupid Titans have GOT to go! And even though I am one in a way, not ONE other Titan is allowed to stay!"
Now it was Steve Jobs's turn.
"I made Apples that everyone would buy, but then the business went to Tim Cook when I died! I'm the Gandhi of the tech world, look at me! I look a lot like him, and I'm all about peace!"
The crowd that came out of the portal gave a resounding "Oooooooh!!!!" Pinkie pie just sat there eating a cupcake from a previous time (where she didn't create a portal to another universe). Ron Paul was up next.
"Yo, my name's Ron Paul, don't ya know, and the liberal government's GOT TO GO! Keep the State out of everything like marriage and weed, so We The People can be truly free!"
The rapping ended and Pinkie gave an applause.
"Wait a sec, guys," Pinkie said, "IT'S MY TURN! LAY DOWN A BEAT!"
Rick Astley laid down a wicked beat.
"Yo! It's Pinkie Pie, and you're ALL gonna die! Cuz when you taste my delicious cupcakes, you'll realize the mistakes that you've made! The mistakes of not having eaten my food, and never digested in your poo! Yeah! Guess what? I just said poo? What are all of you fools gonna do? Çuz everything I do is crazy happy, and everything YOU do is just...... bad."
Shrek was not amused. He took the figurative mic and rapped again.
"Poo jokes, really? That's all you've got? Well lemme tell ya something, Pinkie, I'm right on the dot! I know my rhymes and I know the times, and everything I do is just fine!"
Eren Yeager stole the figurative mic from him.
"Hey, Shrek, that's enough, I've heard too much. All of my raps are totally clutch! But what's better than my rapping is my Titan fighting skillz, cuz with my 3D thing, I'mma make 'em do my will. I'll get on their level and punch 'em in the face, against me, they have no case. I'mma do what it takes to keep my human rights, I'mma survive an FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"
"Oooooohhhh!" they all said. Pinkie applauded them all.
"Thank you all for this random impromptu rap battle! It's been SUPER! Now I need to remake cupcakes for the upcoming Administrative Professional's Day party, so I'm gonna need my oven. It's been nice knowing ya', but I have to ask you to leave.
"Well, we ARE in your swamp uninvited," Shrek said, "so we'll leave."
"Thanks for having us over!" Ron Paul said.
"No prob, Bob!" Pinkie replied.
Right before the group was going to get into the oven portal, a new creature appeared from the oven. It hid his face under a black cloak. But when he was entirely in Pinkie's house, he unveiled himself. He was a barnacle. An ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. Shrek, Morgan Freeman, Eren Yeager, Steve Jobs (again), Ron Paul, Rick Astley, and Pinkie Pie. But it wasn't just them. Everypony in Equestria died. Then everything in the universe died, from the smallest bacteria to the most colossal Titan, everything was dead, except for the ugly barnacle.
Fin