First published
Pony-based haikus/may not be poetic gold/but they are catchy.
Below, you will find
Over two hundred pony
Haikus to peruse.
Chapters one through four
Are a different type of fare
Than those following.
That is where the tags
For romance and slice of life
Become relevant.
Rainbow Dash is cute
Also a fast bird-pony
And in a haiku.
Pinkie Pie eats cake
But doesn’t swallow the Cakes
Except in vore clop.
Twilight Sparkle is
A lavender unicorn
LUS in its true form.
Rarity the fair
Has a gorgeous mane of hair
And a coat snow pure.
Fluttershy’s afraid
Of pretty much everything
Dragons most of all.
Applejack works hard
On the farm day in and out
Bucking apple trees.
Babs Seed is so cute
With her nervous tail flick
Hiding a blank flank.
Apple Bloom’s name is
Two words, all you idiots
Who think otherwise.
Scootaloo goes “buzz”
When she tries to fly away
Emphasis on “tries.”
Sweetie Belle’s the best
Little sister in the world,
Stated Rarity.
Spike takes lots of flack.
The poor guy’s a baby now.
Wait till he grows up.
Celestia’s goal
Was to brighten others’ lives.
Worked out pretty well.
Luna wanted night,
Hit her sister in the face,
And lost thereafter.
I belong in this group.
Thanks, Fluttershy. I’m reformed.
This is so boring…
And broke the rules in line one.
Screwball flies around
Propeller cap on her head,
Making my head hurt.
Screw Loose isn’t sane.
Barking is what puppies do.
Woof woof bow wow wow.
Daring Do’s a grump.
She prefers to work alone.
Rainbow Dash does not.
Steven Magnet swims
Along in a gross river.
Magic dry mustache.
Wandered into town
Cranky Doodle Donkey did.
Wow, he’s really bald!
Matilda sadly
Could not find her life-long love
Until Pinkie helped.
Crackle stood around,
Staring sagely at the world.
Eight short, stumpy legs.
Hugh Jelly sits in
His tub, smiling, sweetened fruits
Sloshing over him.
Aloe and Lotus
Bid you to relax awhile
And be tended to.
Combining powers
Mysterious Mare-do-well
Confusing Rainbow
While your coat is grey,
Octavia, your music
Colors the night air.
Vinyl Scratch parties
Far too long. When she awakes,
Ow, hangovers suck.
Lyra sits oddly.
Worst of all, it’s infectious.
Lots of broken hips.
Bon Bon, vocalize
With some consistency, mare!
Make sweets, not voices!
Cheese Sandwich used his
Prodigious powers to whip
Up a huge party.
Doughnut Joe bakes his
Confectionary delights.
Delicious torus.
Iron Will, speaker
Extraordinaire, found himself
Tamed by a small “No.”
Dinky, little ball
Of adorableness, gives
People heart attacks.
Sparkler, Dinky’s sis,
Is a teen-aged unicorn.
“Mom adopted me?”
Derpy wrecked town hall
And spread controversy with
Just one appearance.
Blossomforth contorts.
Spines aren’t meant to go that way.
How’s she still alive?
Cloud Kicker’s the mare
You see during a dry spell.
Buck a cloud — downpour!
Thunderlane and bro
Rumble are adorable
Doing sibling stuff.
Fancy Pants is rich
Yet he doesn’t wear a stitch
On his hindquarters.
Trophy wife describes
Fleur dis lee quite perfectly.
That is plain to see.
Jet Set follows trends
Just like a socialite should
To stay relevant.
Photo Finish makes
Magics with her camera
Doesn’t have a horn.
Pumpkin and Pound Cake
Are their father’s children.
Is it Mr. Cake?
Intramarital
Strife. Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
Highly related.
Cheerilee’s got class
From eight until three PM.
Then she can relax.
Thith haiku ith fun.
Bet you can’t gueth whothe thith ith.
Oh, that’th right. It’th Twitht’th.
Pip Squeak’s coat is white
Brown, and unique. A paint horse
This foal surely is.
Zecora says rhymes
Many, many, many times.
Screw that; it’s too hard.
Carrot Top’s vision
In low light is fantastic.
Beta-carotene!
Maud Pie emotes little.
Expression as hard as stone
Specifically, quartz.
Tom briefly soared out
Of Twilight Sparkle’s window.
Look out! Here comes Tom!
Bloomberg — apple tree
What else can I say besides
He grew on me? –Earth
Seabreeze floats along,
Speaking Scandinavian,
Tiny, angry bug.
Granny Smith’s hip creaks
Like a rusty, old barn door.
Too bad grease won’t help.
Big Mac sure is strong.
Dragging a whole house along
With him while he pronks.
Apple Strudel’s life
Is blessed by both a mustache
And lederhosen.
Braeburn loves the town
Aaa-aaappeloosia more than
Any other place.
Little Strongheart:
Does she buffalo other
Buffalo? Who knows?
Chief Thunderhooves yells
“Charge!” But after pie-in-face gag
Becomes best of friends.
Cherry Jubilee’s
Cutie mark would be at home
On a slot machine.
Shining Armor stopped
Changelings with a mighty shield
Failed perception roll…
Cadence fills the role
Pretty pink pony princess.
Alliteration!
Soarin’ loves eating
Pie and sometimes Applejack
If you ask shippers.
Spitfire blazes
A trail of graceful smoke through
The sky like a pro.
Fleetfoot, Wonderbolt,
Power through the open air.
Who even are you?
Bulk Biceps I just
Don’t even understand your
Thrust-to-weight ratio.
Star Swirl the Bearded
Doesn’t ring any bells for—
Ah, that old wizard.
Nightmare Moon’s mane flows
With power, wrecking landscapes
But forging friendships.
Gilda yelled a lot.
Then she roared at Fluttershy.
Unacceptable!
Nameless red dragon,
You must be so very tired.
Sleep for a century.
Blueblood is a prick.
Don’t let his big horn fool you.
His horn is quite small.
Flim and Flam are twins.
Wait, which one is which, again?
Eh, who really cares?
Trixie really is
The best unicorn ever!
Where’s my money, Seth?
Diamond Tiara
Lacks characterization
But has jewelry.
Silver Spoon seems weak
Influenced by those with power
Must be little spoon.
Diamond Dogs’ ears are
Very sensitive things! Stop
Whining, miss pony!
Dragons were mean jerks
Who would eat a phoenix’s eggs.
Wonder how that works…
Om nom! Spit! One more.
Repeat till Ponyville is
All chewed up and gone.
Half dragon half bird
The cockatrice is
Scary with its red—
Cadence isn’t nice.
She was bridezilla all day.
Oh, hi, Chrysalis.
King Sombra wanted
Slaves, crystals, and more vocab.
He got none of them.
Tirek: final boss
Ended up a shriveled husk
Back where he belongs.
Lightning Dust foils Dash
And not with aluminum.
She’s less scrupulous.
My, these rules are quite silly.
Where’s the fun in just
Five-seven-five? Discord instead!
Concepts of the Show/Our beloved ponies’ pets/Historic events
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Prevailing as one,
Defeat lonely enemies!
Friendship is magic.
Staying by your side,
A loyal friend gives support,
Keeping you from harm.
Laughter really is
The best medicine of all.
Who needs a doctor?
Generosity:
Giving alms and expecting
Nothing in return.
Towards all others
Our actions should be guided
By thoughts of kindness.
What is honesty?
The burden of speaking truth
Even when it’s hard.
Harmony means that
All ponies whom you know are
Living in rapport.
Thankful for his shell,
Bumping into many things,
Tank soars through the air.
Gummy chomps down on
Ponies’ forehooves all the time.
Wait till he’s teething.
Owlowiscious’ famed
Line could start an awful war
With a single “Hoo.”
Opalescence claws
Anything that dares approach
During a cat nap.
Wouldn’t get within
A hair’s breadth of the terror
Called Angel Bunny
Winona can herd
With the best of them, meaning
Of course, Applejack.
Peewee, tiny chick,
Some day will grow to become
Blazing fire bird!
Philomena could
Teach Rarity how to be
A worse drama queen.
Boulder, little rock
Plays Hide and Seek expertly.
Where’d he even go?
Boneless fits in here,
Right? I mean, it’s not alive,
But Cheese didn’t care.
Starswirl made a spell
Or, at least, a part of one.
Worked out for the best.
In the freezing cold
Ponies escaped starvation
And found fertile lands.
Ancient precursors
To our favorite six ponies
Saved the pony race.
Chaos swept the land
Its seeds spread by the spirit
Of disharmony.
Discord turned to stone
After being hit by a
Rainbow-colored blast.
Sombra then fell next.
Coruscating light banished
Him for an epoch.
Empire sealed away
For a thousand years was his
Evil parting gift.
Luna’s slow descent
Could have been averted by
More astronomers.
War of Sun and Moon
Really turned out to have been
A one-on-one fight.
Palace of Sisters
Abandoned to be reclaimed
By the Everfree.
Founding Canterlot
Everypony knew was a
Grieving mare’s recourse.
Rainboom number one
Passed down generations and
Became a tall tale.
Ponyville sprang up
Many, many years ago.
Granny’s seen a lot.
Long Haul brings the mail.
He must go both far and wide.
It is his true love.
In his home city,
Baltimare, he greets the morn,
Rising with the sun.
The mail run won’t wait
For snow nor rain nor heat nor
Those with bleary eyes.
He minds the hour not.
His wings long for open air
And exertion’s burn.
Ascending, he goes
Package-laden on his quest
To deliver mail.
Pulling a huge cart,
Long Haul watches below. There!
A familiar face.
He sees her, earth-bound,
Staring up as he passes.
A flash of beauty.
Then gone, like always.
No stopping with these bundles.
Farther and higher.
The ground slips away,
Becoming a patchwork quilt.
Each tree is a dot.
Earth slips by below,
A moving mosaic of land.
It has beauty too.
The greens are her eyes.
The ocean matches her coat,
Mysterious blue.
Glints off the water
Echo the smiles she gives him
Each time he passes.
His mind and body,
Each goes off in separate ways.
One ahead, one back.
Manehattan, a speck,
Will appreciate the cloth
He brings, bolting there.
He knows just one thing:
They won’t meet for a week yet.
Don’t think about it.
Arrival. Bustle.
Puny “skyscrapers” below.
He laughs at the term.
Then, Long Haul descends.
Caustic mares and stallions glare,
Making his skin crawl.
Manehattan he leaves
As soon as possible, for
It turns ponies bad.
Bearing new orders
And packages too, he flies,
Leaving the city.
Turning to the west,
He continues on toward
The Crystal Empire.
He gains altitude.
The air high above is thin
And parts easily.
Hours pass him by.
Trees become shrubs become ice.
Real cold lies ahead.
In The Frozen North
Mountains are true skyscrapers.
He scoffs not at them.
Craggy flank him,
Guiding Long Haul toward life,
The city, his goal.
He flies right through a
Squall, rogue in this untamed land.
Ice encrusts his form.
Gusts shake both his cart
And his self-confidence. Yet!
Ahead is the spire.
The sight brings him hope,
And Long Haul surges forward,
Drawn toward his goal.
Through the pain he fights,
Throat burning, wings dying embers.
His eyelids are stone.
He heaves in a breath,
Each a pyrrhic victory.
Even his lungs ache.
Exhausted, he dips,
Clipping snow from a mountain.
Hoof and leg go numb.
Everything is black.
Covering his head is cloth.
A blanket—but how?
He lies in a bed.
Soldiers stand around and watch.
Memories return.
Disused legs crumple.
The hard road welcomes his face.
Ponies rush to him.
Long Haul looks around
And thanks everypony there.
Then, two more walk in.
Alicorn and prince
Stride into the room with both
Concerned words and praise.
They give him an award
A medal (made of crystal)
For a job well done.
What had he brought them?
Long Haul wonders. Or, he thinks,
They could be too kind.
They leave him to rest.
But he is a pegasus,
Strong, resilient.
He had nearly died,
But he springs back to action.
After a short nap.
When morning breaks forth,
Long Haul springs into action
And also the air.
He heads southward now,
To Equestria’s center,
Its hub, Canterlot.
Bearing royal seals
On all his deliveries,
He takes extra care.
This time, Luck’s his friend.
No storm comes to strike him down.
The flight is easy.
Squinting he closes
On the city of royals.
Its polished gold gleams.
Amid the buildings,
His head unconsciously dips.
Majesty surrounds.
Huge mountains rise up,
Impassive. But here, buildings
Speak of great power.
The castle he draws near
On hoof he approaches it.
Can’t go through the air.
Into the palace,
Long Haul enters through the gate.
Guards unpack his cart.
Pleasant but clipped words,
Direct him away again.
To the post office.
Prompt Delivery,
The Postmaster General,
Orders him this time.
Out past Ponyville
To Los Pegasus he goes.
This time less a cart.
A special harness,
Designed not to move in flight,
Clings to chest and back.
Nevermelt Ice nails
For some rich pegasus there
Made by a strong mage
They weigh too little,
He thinks as he flies along.
They’re not a challenge.
To his left, the Gorge,
A massive tear in the earth,
Looks just like a mouth.
Flight path unswerving,
His mind wanders back to her,
And he wonders why.
Perhaps, he guesses,
Being near death changed his life,
And now he wants more.
Yet that can’t be it;
He’d thought of her yesterday.
Must be something else.
With her leaf green eyes
And her lustrous, deep blue coat,
She has captured him.
What is it she does,
Rising with the sun each day?
He wants to find out.
Alas, they won’t meet
Until his route takes him home,
Be it days or weeks.
Tossing his blond mane,
He sighs and continues on
To Los Pegasus.
There, he’s thanked and tipped
By a plump pegasus mare
Who owns lots of art.
At the post office
Is a roost for those like him
Who traverse the land.
He stays the night there,
Waiting for the coming day
And a heavy load.
He awakes early
Ready to be off again,
Laden down with bits.
Six casino’s goons
Flank him in a tight circle.
They look paranoid.
Long Haul worries not.
His airspace is always clear
Since he flies so high.
Cruising altitude
All the others gasp for breath,
But he laughs inside.
Back to Canterlot.
Millions of bits in tow,
He feels powerful.
Wings straining for lift,
The armored cart weighs him down,
But he combats it.
He feels so alive.
The escorts around him fade,
Leaving just the sky.
The wind supports him,
His hooves far off of the ground,
Left so far behind.
A shining beacon,
The roofs of the capital
Call him from below.
As he trots down streets,
Ponies give the strangest looks.
Bits draw ponies’ stares.
At a gilded bank,
They unlock him from the cart
And dispelled some charms.
He goes back to Prompt
For his next assignment and
Then heads for Cloudsdale.
It’s a simple run,
Shorter than he’d really like,
But it must be done.
He’s alone once more,
Not that the goons from before
Were real company.
Cloudsdale’s nebulous
Edge comes into Long Haul’s sight.
Or does it, really?
City outskirts range
From stratus to cirrus clouds,
A huge area.
Pegasi don’t mind.
Why would distance matter when
They can fly with ease?
Long Haul thinks about
How nice life would be here
With its far-flung homes.
Then, a thought occurs.
That mare is an earth pony.
She could not live here.
His flight slows slightly
As he re-evaluates
His priorities.
Flights to neighbors’ homes
Wouldn’t be worth it, he thinks.
Then there’s seeing her.