The results of an experiment in spontaneous storytelling derived from roleplaying on chat.
Attempts (with varying degrees of success) to make coherent MLP fanfics through ad libbing, derived from roleplaying on Gchat. Reasonable canonical plausibility is usually striven for, but not always fully upheld.
Each chapter (other than two parters) can be read as a standalone story.
Author's note: My friend (who wishes to be known as Kirensia) and I have taken to roleplaying as Friendship is Magic characters on Gchat, trying to stay reasonably true to the tone of the original show and the characters' personalities (or sometimes not). There is very little planning involved in this process (and what little there is rarely comes to fruition), so all the dialogue and situations described are fully spontaneous. The stories posted here are the polished-up results of these roleplays.
"Fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two..." Pinkie Pie counted as she lapped up her ice cream at record speed.
Across from her, Twilight was having considerably more trouble. Lick, lick, lick...
"Pinkie," Twilight groaned, wondering how she had managed to get talked into an ice cream-eating race with Pinkie Pie of all ponies. It was true that Pinkie had agreed to eat the ice cream lick by lick instead of gulping them down two cones at once, but even then Twilight didn't think she could keep up. "Ugggghhh. Please... no more..."
"But I'm - fifty-nine - not finished - sixty - yet!" Pinkie replied in her usual cheerful tone. "Sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three... Did you just - sixty-four - drop yours - sixty-five - on the ground?"
Twilight looked down, her tongue still lapping uncontrollably at empty space. Realizing what had happened, she quickly returned her tongue inside her mouth.
Pinkie Pie didn't seem to care that she had won. She had really only wanted to eat ice cream; the race was just to make it extra fun.
"Hmmm," Twilight thought out loud, then smiled as an idea formed in her head. "Hey, Pinkie. How about I help you with that ice cream?" she asked.
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie said, handing Twilight half of her ice cream on a cone. She then popped the remaining ice cream right into her mouth.
"No, no." Twilight shook her head. "I want to help you." Levitating the ice cream with her telekinesis, she flung the dessert into Pinkie's face.
Pinkie giggled at Twilight's prank. "Ooh!" she exclaimed in surprise, and licked off the splattered ice cream. "Sugary!"
Suddenly, Princess Celestia burst onto the scene. "Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student, and Pinkie Pie, I have some grave news," she announced.
"Oooh, ooh!" Pinkie said in anticipation, bouncing up and down.
"As you should know, Twilight," Celestia continued, "I have an important assignment for you. There is an old friend who I need your help with."
At that point, a dramatic "dun dun dun" ran through the air, courtesy of Pinkie Pie playing her musical instruments which she had pulled out of nowhere.
The ponies arrived in a secluded corner of the Canterlot courtyard, where a massive tree of grand proportions stood akin to the tree in Disney World's Animal Kingdom.
"Wow," Twilight breathed, astounded. "I've never seen this before."
"Ummm, girls, my other friend," Celestia said, pointing instead to the foot of the tree where a tiny little venus flytrap grew.
Pinkie checked out the tree, then the venus flytrap. The flytrap reacted by snapping shut in her face. Pinkie blinked.
"Ooh, bitey," she commented.
Twilight gasped and cowered behind her mentor in fear.
"I know, I know!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It wants a snack!" She popped a cookie crumb into the flytrap's mouth. The plant swallowed the morsel down its stem.
"Now, now," Celestia told Twilight. "Don't be shy; say hello."
"Hi there..." Twilight ventured, bending down to address the flytrap.
CHOMP. The venus flytrap clamped its jaws onto Twilight's face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Twilight screamed, galloping back and forth in an effort to free herself. "Get it off, get it off, get it off!"
"Calm down," instructed Celestia, "or you'll pull up the..."
It was too late.
"... stem," Celestia finished, smacking her own forehead with a hoof.
Twilight looked on with wide eyes, shocked at what she had done.
The venus flytrap lay limp on the grass for a few moments, but then stirred and straightened up, reextending its roots to anchor itself to the ground. It snapped grumpily in Twilight's general direction.
"What's its name?" asked Twilight as she winced.
"Her name is Philomeena II," Celestia replied as Pinkie Pie continued to feed the flytrap cookie crumbs. "I want you two to cheer her up today."
"But, Princess," said Twilight. "Why can't you ask Fluttershy to do this?"
"I have a much bigger job for her," Celestia answered.
At that moment, Fluttershy was in a cave trying to tame an ursa major, some manticores, and a parasprite.
"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie Pie as Celestia finished her description. "I love to cheer everypony up!"
"WHAT ARE YOU SO EXCITED ABOUT?" cried Twilight, grabbing Pinkie Pie. "WE HAVE TO SAVE FLUTTERSHY, NOWWW!"
"Now, now, I'm sure she'll be fine," Celestia assured her student. "Besides, plants have never been Fluttershy's forte." With Twilight's knowledge of botany and Pinkie Pie's sunny disposition, I'm sure this will be a wonderful experiment... I mean endeavor, the Princess added to herself.
Not bothered by Twilight's outburst, Pinkie Pie put her head down to the ground to check out Philomeena II. She had never cheered up a plant before. After doing a bit of thinking, she came up with an idea and ran off.
"HEY!" Twilight called. "Pinkie Pie, come back here!" As she turned, she noticed that Celestia had also left. "Sighhh." She lowered her head towards Philomeena II. "Guess it's just you and-" CHOMP!
"Not funny," Twilight muttered in a muffled voice.
Pinkie trotted back cheerfully with a watering can. "Plants like water, right?" she asked as she started to water Philomeena II.
"Pinkie, no," Twilight said, snatching the watering can away. "Venus flytraps don't need much water. They just need sparing amounts of it."
"Aww," Pinkie lamented, but soon brightened up again. "Maybe she'll enjoy a PARTY!" She pulled out her party cannon, showering the flytrap with confetti and balloons. "I never leave home without my party cannon!"
Twilight took out a roll of tape and wrapped the hyperactive Pinkie Pie in it. "Now..." she said, relieved to be in control of the situation at last, "how about a story, Philomeena II?"
"Yaay," said Pinkie, now mummified in tape. "This is fun."
"Once upon a time..." Twilight started.
"... and she lived in the nice library and had fun with all her nice books," Twilight finished, feeling nice and warm inside. "Wow, that was great, wasn't it?" She looked around, suddenly realizing that neither Pinkie nor Philomeena II were anywhere to be seen. "Guys?"
"Nice story, Twilight!" Pinkie's voice called.
Twilight looked up. Pinkie Pie was drifting overhead by hanging onto some balloons. She was still wrapped in tape.
"I have no idea!" said Pinkie joyfully, not really looking. "She was listening to your story, right?" The pink pony started humming a tune. Twilight smacked herself in the forehead with a hoof.
"OWWWWCH!" Twilight suddenly yelled out in pain. Philomeena had been on her back all along.
Pinkie laughed. "She pulled a fast one on you, Twilight!"
After levitating the flytrap off her back and planting it squarely back on the ground, Twilight had reached the near limit of her patience. "I want you to stay right here, got it?" she ordered. "And no chomping!"
Philomeena II responded by slapping the unicorn with a vine.
"So that's how you wanna play huh?" Twilight fumed. "Well, FINE. Princess Celestia may be your master, but I'm not. Do what you want!" She stormed off.
"Waaait!" cried Pinkie Pie, shocked at her friend's anger. "Where are you going?" She flew after Twilight's retreating form using her balloons.
As the two ponies left, Philomeena II drooped towards the ground.
Upon catching up with Twilight, Pinkie jumped out of the ground.
"Pinkie Pie... I'm sorry," Twilight said dejectedly. "Here are some books to help you, but I'm no good at this," she admitted.
Pinkie picked up one of the books and skimmed a few pages. "It's okay, Twilight!" she assured her friend. "I know what to do!"
Pinkie returned to Philomeena II, carrying a fresh roll of duct tape. In an instant, she had wrapped the flytrap in the material.
"Isn't this so much fun, Philomeena II?" Pinkie asked, prancing around. "Twilight showed me how to do it!"
Philomeena II just drooped.
"It isn't working is it?" said Pinkie sadly.
All of a sudden, with a loud ripping noise, Philomeena II grew to several hundred times her original size, tearing free of the tape. This was her true size.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAH," she roared.
Pinkie Pie jumped back. "Should I get some more?" she inquired.
Philomeena II reached out with her vines and grabbed Pinkie, hugging her tightly.
"Whee!" exclaimed Pinkie.
... Then, swinging Pinkie as though the pony was a hammer, the flytrap brought her smashing down to the ground.
"Owww..." Pinkie shook dust off her coat as she staggered to her feet. "That's not very nice!" she objected.
The flytrap drooped again a bit, then bent down and licked Pinkie. Uprooting herself, she walked forward a few steps and extended a vine for the pony to hitch a ride on.
"RAAH?" she growled.
Pinkie jumped onto the vine with a quizzical expression, and Philomeena II promptly strode out of the courtyard in the direction of Ponyville.
"I can see my house from here!" Pinkie Pie said from her vantage point as the two arrived in town.
Naturally, the citizens of Ponyville were struck with fear.
"Don't be afraid everypony!" Pinkie told them. "This is my new friend Philomeena II. She lives in Canterlot with Princess Celestia!"
The other ponies stopped panicking for a moment, but then began to chuck vegetables at the giant plant.
"Do you eat vegetables?" Pinkie asked, catching a carrot as it flew towards them. She was then hit in the face by a cabbage.
Agitated by the ruckus, Philomeena II began roaring louder and destroyed several market stands as she tried to get away.
"Pinkie, what is going on here?!" Applejack asked as she returned to her smashed stand.
"Hi, Applejack!" Pinkie shouted a greeting. "Princess Celestia took Twilight and me to see this friend of hers, Philomeena II. The Princess asked us to cheer her up! Wanna help?"
Unconvinced, Applejack backed away from the flytrap's swiping vines. "Surely someone else can help you, right..?"
"But we can all have so much fun together!" said Pinkie. A group of panicked ponies ran away behind her.
"Okie dokie," said Pinkie. "Let's go get some cupcakes." She pointed Philomeena II in the right direction.
Twilight, having returned to her study, heard the screaming and crashing outside. She looked out her window. "Huh," she mused. "Spike, fly over and check it out."
"But I can't fly, Twilight!" her assistant pointed out.
"Now you can!" Twilight responded, kicking the young dragon straight out the window. "Owloysius, go help him too."
"AAAAH!" yelled Spike has he was sent flying through the air. He crashed through a roof and became stuck.
Owloysius came flying over and grabbed Spike's tail in his talons, pulling him out of the hole. As the owl continued towards the disturbance, Spike tried to follow, only to remember that he was still on the roof. He tumbled to the ground.
Seeing that the chaos was being caused by Philomeena II, Twilight shouted, "Pinkie Pie, I told you to watch her!"
"I am!" replied Pinkie. "See?" She was sharing a large plate of cupcakes with the flytrap. Twilight sighed.
Spike staggered back into the library. "So what do we do now, Twilight?" he inquired.
"We'll just have to inform the Princess," said Twilight.
Spike got out his writing supplies as he usually did when Twilight needed to contact Celestia, but Twilight told him there was no need.
"No, no," said the unicorn. "I'll tell her myself."
"Tell me what?" the Princess' voice rang through the room. Celestia had suddenly teleported into the study.
"Um, nothing, Princess," Twilight started as a loud crashing noise shook the floor beneath them.
"Philomeena II is roaring on the other end of town?" Celestia guessed, though she already knew the answer.
"Who wants cake?" Pinkie interrupted as she and Philomeena II reached the library and peered in through the window.
"Hello there..." Celestia said, her eye twitching slightly. "Philomeena II, how did you end up here?"
"She came down here herself!" Pinkie answered. "I think she's happy now."
"Philomeena II, you are not to leave the courtyard," Celestia said sternly. "Did I not tell you?"
Philomeena II made a growling noise and drew back, as though in shame.
"I'm sorry, Twilight and friends." Celestia turned back to the others. "She has to return to the courtyard."
"Okie dokie," Pinkie accepted. "We had fun today anyway, right?" A house collapsed outside.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" someone screamed. Startled, everyone turned to look in the direction the scream came from and saw to their horror a few dragons along with various other monsters chasing after a terrified Fluttershy.
"I can't control them!" cried Fluttershy, flying frantically towards the library.
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!" Philomeena II let loose a mighty roar as the other monsters approached. At the sight of the towering carnivorous plant, the monsters quickly retreated.
The ponies clamored over Philomeena II and thanked her for saving them.
"You really like them, don't you?" Celestia asked the flytrap. Philomeena II nodded.
"Then, I see no problem," Celestia affirmed. "Twilight Sparkle, I shall see that you watch over Ph- no, Paragon. That is your new name. Do you like it?" The flytrap nodded again.
"Does this mean we can have cake every day?" Pinkie asked, barely containing her excitement.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I learned that sometimes, books can't dictate a pony. It's when you forge the bond of trust and friendship, that's when we truly learn about others. Paragon took some time for me, but she's no less a friend than Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, or any other.
You most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
Role distribution for this story Kirensia: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Paragon, Applejack, Fluttershy Powderjaggy: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle (opening scene), Paragon, Spike, Owloysius
Kirensia has full control over the role assignment in these roleplays, by the way, so any apparent unevenness in their distribution is his doing.
Disclaimer: I know this is only the second story, but this was one of those times where Kirensia was not in the correct state of mind to ad lib anything sane. As a result, the level of canonical plausibility in this story is about -9000 or less. We decided to make this into a two parter to see if there was anything we could salvage from this mess. You'll see how that went in the next chapter. In the meantime, please treat this as an antithesis of our usual intentions in these roleplays.
By the way, I should probably warn you about the on-screen vomit in this story. While on-screen vomit has been shown in the original show, there's a lot of it here. Just a fair warning.
Pinkie Pie bounded up the path to Sweet Apple Acres. "Applejack!" she called. "Applejack, do you know what day it is today?"
A random pony whose name was Taffy Cluck walked down the path in the opposite direction, saying, "NOOOOOOOO."
"Hm, that was strange," said Pinkie to herself. "Never seen him around before." Normally the pink pony would have started to plan a welcome party for the newcomer right away, but, unusually, there was something even more important on her mind today.
Taffy Cluck spun around suddenly. "HEY," he yelled to Pinkie Pie. "I know you. You're the most annoying pony in Ponyville. You're a Cake, right?"
"Oh, no." Pinkie shook her head. "The Cakes would be my employers. But does that mean I'm famous?" She paused for a second to wonder, then perked up again. "You're new around here, right? I'm on my way to prepare a party for a friend. Would you like to come as a guest too? It could be... it could be a double party!" She sped up her bouncing in excitement.
"No, no," Taffy replied. "I just want to follow you."
"Oh," said Pinkie Pie. "Okie dokie lokie." She continued bouncing up the path. "Applejack! You around?"
Without warning, Taffy Cluck fastened a leash to Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie stopped short in surprise.
"Just to make sure I don't get lost," Taffy explained.
"Okay!" shouted Pinkie cheerfully, resuming her bouncing. "Applejack? Applejack?" she continued to call. "Hm, maybe she's not home."
"Hey, hey, when do we get to see you have a party?" yelled Taffy impatiently. "Hurry up!"
"Well first I have to go and find all my other friends so we can prepare the party as a big surprise!" said Pinkie.
"How many other friends do you have?" asked Taffy Cluck. "Maybe they've all abandoned you like in 'Party of One'."
"It can't be my birthday again, right?" Pinkie wondered out loud. "No, it's not my birthday," she concluded with a smile. "And I know everypony in town, but I need my bestest, bestest friends to throw this surprise party for one of my other bestest, bestest friends!"
"Then they can handle it on their own," said Taffy.
"But I always throw the parties in Ponyville!" Pinkie protested. "Well, except for my own birthday but it's not my own birthday so..."
"Your purpose is to make ponies happy, right?" Taffy asked. "It doesn't have to be parties, right?"
"But parties are so much fun!" Pinkie pointed out. She turned around and headed in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage.
Taffy pulled on the leash, causing Pinkie to slip in an exaggerated manner. "Hold on a sec," he said. "She's not going to be there because... she has to get her voice checked."
"Oh..." Pinkie stopped walking and took out several balloons, preparing to float her way up to Rainbow Dash's house.
Taffy popped all the balloons. "She's having her hair redone."
"Aw..." lamented Pinkie. She trotted off in the direction of Carousel Boutique.
Taffy tossed a grenade in Pinkie's path inconspicuously.
"Yipes!" Pinkie leaped back in exaggerated shock as the grenade exploded.
"And in case you're wondering about your friend Twilight Sparkle," added Taffy, "let's just say Smokey the Bear had some warnings to say."
"A bear?" cried Pinkie frantically. "A bear?" She rushed off in the direction of the library, dragging Taffy along the ground as she went.
The library was up in flames.
"Oh, no," said Pinkie, the burning library reflected in her eyeballs. "Twilight?" she called. "Twilight? Are you in there?"
Spike walked out of the fire. Being fireproof, he was unharmed. "I, uh, accidentally..." he started to explain. "I mean, I don't know how this happened. How will I explain this to Twilight?"
"So Twilight's not in there?" asked Pinkie, brightening up again.
"No," replied Spike. "She went out to get some new books."
A random explosion happened in Pinkie's stomach, causing her blow up momentarily then deflate. "Whew," she said, as though nothing had happened. "Thank goodness Twilight wasn't in there! Maybe we should put this fire out?" She walked over to a hollow tree and rummaged inside for a hose.
"This is my new friend, Lowjack," said Taffy, trying to introduce the others to another random pony.
"Oh, hi, who's that?" said Pinkie, turning around."Two new ponies? This calls for a triple party!"
"I HATE PARTIES," shouted Taffy. "There, I said it. I didn't want to have to say this, but you just wouldn't listen."
"You... don't like parties?" Pinkie's smile turned upside down. "But they're so fun and, and party-ish! Would you like them if they had chocolate cake?"
"No, I'd like them if THEY NEVER EXISTED!" Taffy roared.
Pinkie stopped looking for a hosepipe. "I... I don't get it," she said sadly. "Everyone likes my parties..."
"Well, some ponies are DIFFERENT," said Taffy bluntly. "And, no, I don't need a 'specific kind of party to cater to my needs'."
"Uh, little help here?" Spike inquired, gesturing towards the still-burning library. "I wouldn't mind that much really, but I don't think Twilight is going to appreciate this."
Pinkie didn't move. Taffy vomited over the fire, extinguishing it and leaving a huge yellow mess.
Spike sighed and took out some cleaning supplies, hoping that he'd be able to tidy things up by the time Twilight returned.
Pinkie Pie got to her feet dejectedly and took off the leash that was still attached to her. "Okie dokie lokie..." Her voice trailed off. "Goodbye..." Perking up very slightly, she added to Taffy, "I don't think I caught your name."
"I never threw it," said Taffy.
"Oh." Pinkie slumped down. "Goodbye, I Never Threw It." She started walking away.
Spike shrugged and pulled out a hosepipe from Pinkie's hollow tree to clean off the vomit. It washed most of the mess away easily. He then took out a tiny sponge and started scrubbing. On a whim, he decided to take a lick of the vomit. "Actually... this isn't too bad," he noted. Eschewing the sponge, he began to use his long tongue to reach a wider cleaning radius.
"Why so dejected?" asked a red-haired alicorn who had suddenly appeared in the clearing.
"Who, me?" said Spike. "Well, this is a bigger mess than I have to tidy up usually, but it actually tastes okay."
"Well, my young friends," said the alicorn. "My name is Faustia, the mighty creator."
"Princess Faustia?" Spike said, wondering where he had heard that name before.
"Oh, you and Pinkie Pie are old friends of mine, Spike; let's drop the formalities," said Faustia.
Pinkie Pie turned around at the sound of her name and zipped back to the library in a flash. "Oooh," she said at the sight of Faustia. "Have I seen you before?"
"Pinkie Pie, have we seen her before?" asked Spike, still confused.
"Oh, you know me," Faustia reassured them. "The special place, beyond what you think you know... The wall..."
"Ooh," said Pinkie in recognition. She stared off into the distance.
"The wall?" mused Spike, squinting hard. "I think I see it."
"Well, I'm here to teach you about the meaning of friendship," Faustia explained. Pinkie sat up straight.
Faustia took out an eraser. "Close your eyes, Pinkie," she instructed.
Pinkie closed her eyes.
Faustia erased her.
Spike stared. "What did you just do?" he asked.
Being in the cartoon world, Pinkie rematerialized. "Whee!" she exclaimed. "That tickled! I feel much better now; now I can write a friendship letter to Princess Celestia!" She stopped for a moment. "... What should I write about?"
Faustia erased her again.
Pinkie just poofed back into existence once more.
By this point, Spike was speechless.
Pinkie giggled. "Thanks so much for visiting from beyond the fourth wall, Faustia! I really gotta go find my friends now, see you later!" She trotted off, her usual cheer restored.
Faustia lunged forward and ate Pinkie.
"What are you doing?" cried Spike in shock. "Why?"
Pinkie crawled back out of Faustia's throat. "Uh... that was a little less pleasant, but thanks?" She tried again to trot away.
Faustia mutated into a giant monster.
Pinkie and Spike screamed simultaneously, then ran off.
Faustia teleported in front of them. "WHERE YOU GOING!?" she shouted, her eyes pointing in different directions. She bore a malicious smile on her face, the corners of her mouth reaching the same height as her eyes. Her tongue rolled out and spit sprayed everywhere.
"Ahhhhhhhh!" screamed Pinkie and Spike again.
"She'll frighten the foals watching!" Pinkie cried.
"She's frightening me!" yelled Spike. They continued to run.
All of a sudden, Taffy Cluck jumped out of nowhere. "Stand aside, Party Pooper," he commanded, charging towards Faustia. "The Chicken Colt has arrived."
A lightbulb went off in Pinkie's mind. She ducked below the borders of the television screen and came up wearing her chicken costume.
"It's fun to be scared!" she declared, a big grin on her face. "Whee!"
She zipped all over town, avoiding the Faustia monster. Spike had to hang onto Pinkie's tail to keep up.
Pinkie saw Applejack returning to Sweet Apple Acres as she ran past. "Applejack, you remember what day it is, right?" she asked.
"YEAH," Applejack answered. "It's Donald Dormouse's birthday."
"No, you silly," laughed Pinkie. "It's the day we met Twilight! We must prepare a party for her by tonight! Oh, by the way, we're being chased by a huge horrifying monster!" She screamed.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU RUINED THE-" the ponies heard Faustia roar. Pinkie took off.
Pinkie ran past Fluttershy's cottage. "Fluttershy, you remember what day it is?"
"Oh, is it the day you started sounding like me?" asked Fluttershy.
Pinkie paused. "Hmm." She shook her head. "It's the day we met Twilight! We must prepare a party for her by tonight! Oh, by the way, you might want to stay indoors. We're being chased by a huge horrifying monster!"
Spike, heavily shaken up and dizzy by now, was just barely clinging on. He tried to shift his grip so he could ride on Pinkie's back, but suddenly Pinkie pulled out an odd contraption. It had balloons on it so it could float in the air, and was propelled by a pair of helicopter-like blades. Spike was jolted off back onto Pinkie's tail and the two of them flew upwards.
They flew past Rainbow Dash's home. "Rainbow Dash, you remember what day it is?" called Pinkie.
"It's the day we met Faustia," Rainbow Dash replied.
"Uh... no, I don't think that was today," said Pinkie. "But it's the day we met Twilight! We must prepare a party for her by tonight! Oh, by the way, we're being chased by a huge horrifying monster!"
She flew the contraption back down close to the ground and hovered in front of Carousel Boutique. "Rarity, you remember what day it is?"
"It's the day my twin sister came to LIFE," said Rarity.
"You have a twin sister?" asked Pinkie. She paused for an instant. "But it's also the day we met Twilight!" she continued. "We must prepare a party for her by tonight! Oh, by the way, we're being chased by a huge horrifying monster!"
Pinkie flew to the library and saw Twilight returning to her home.
"Twilight!" she called. "You- Eep!" She cut herself off. "Never mind!" She flew around behind the library so Twilight wouldn't be able to see her.
Spike, meanwhile, was just conscious enough to remember that he never finished cleaning up the vomit, but was too dizzy to care.
Twilight looked around as she heard Pinkie call her name, but saw nopony.
Then there was an explosion.
To be continued...
Role distribution for this story Kirensia: Taffy Cluck, Faustia, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity Powderjaggy: Pinkie Pie, Spike, Twilight Sparkle
Disclaimer: On behalf of Kirensia, the portrayal of the character Faustia is not intended to be a commentary of any sort on any real life person, organization, or event.
Author's note: As noted in the previous chapter, this was our attempt to salvage what we could from this screwed up storyline, but as you might expect there was only so much we could do with it considering how far fetched it had already become. Also of note is that for the first few scenes of this chapter Kirensia was still having some trouble taking this seriously.
Last time on "Friendship is Magic Ad Libbed"...
"I HATE PARTIES."
Pinkie's smile turned upside down.
"Pinkie Pie, have we seen her before?"
Faustia mutated into a giant monster.
"It's fun to be scared!"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU RUINED THE-"
"It's the day we met Twilight! We must prepare a party for her by tonight!"
Then there was an explosion.
The smoke settled, revealing the arrival of Princess Celestia. The explosion had been caused by her flying in and deflecting Faustia's attack.
As Celestia and Faustia fought, Pinkie and Spike lay on the ground, their flying contraption having been destroyed by the explosion. Pinkie got up and shook herself off.
"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Spike moaned.
A pink slug crawled out of Pinkie's mouth. It was a gummy slug. No one commented on it.
Spike had just managed to get himself to sit up straight when Faustia came around the library and ate him. NOMMMM.
Not capable of cartoon tricks to the same degree as Pinkie Pie, it was all Spike could do to cling onto the inside of Faustia's throat, resisting peristalsis. "Help!" he shouted.
Faustia vomited on Pinkie as Spike got stuck in her throat, ejecting the young dragon. Pinkie popped out of the pile of vomit, making an effort to shake bits of puke out of her mane. She was only half successful. As she saw Faustia bearing down, she screamed and ran away.
"Wait up, Pinkie!" Spike called, running after the pink pony.
They ran around to the front of the library. "What happened to Twilight?" Spike asked. "She was here a moment ago."
'Maybe she's inside!" Pinkie suggested. She opened the library door.
Taffy Cluck's vomit flooded out. Spike hadn't gotten around to cleaning the inside of the library yet.
"Twilight, are you in there?" Pinkie asked, apparently not bothered by the vomit.
"No, I'm sitting in a pool of dragon spit," came Twilight's voice. Twilight's disembodied head appeared in the darkness of the room. Spike fell over in fright.
Pinkie turned on the lights and blew out the candle that had been illuminating Twilight's face. "Oh, you!" Pinkie giggled. "Did you see that terrible monster, Twilight? It almost blew us up and ate Spike! Good thing Princess Celestia showed up earlier!" She bounced about in excitement.
"Yeah, about that..." Spike said, getting up sheepishly. "Where did she go?"
"She went to meet with Donald Dormouse," Twilight answered.
"But that monster is still out there, Twilight!" said Spike. "You have to do something!"
Just then, Faustia bombed the library with a vomit explosion and a swarm of aglet cats. Aglet cats are cats with aglets for whiskers. Fortunately for everyone inside, she couldn't keep up the attack for long, because she soon collapsed from esophageal damage and returned to her alicorn form.
Twilight, Pinkie, and Spike were rushing Faustia to the hospital.
"So what was that all about?" Spike wondered, still confused. "Who is she and why was she attacking us?"
"She is someone who is beyond our control... our plane," Twilight explained. "Yet... we must help her."
"Have you met her before?" asked Spike.
"Of course she has, silly!" Pinkie spoke up. "We can't be the only two who can see the wall!"
As the three arrived at the hospital, carrying Faustia, they realized that something strange was going on.
The entire world around them was crumbling. Things that shouldn't have been melting, such as mountains and buildings and the very landscape itself, were melting. Everything around them was inexplicably blurring.
"What's happening?" demanded Spike, feeling dizzy again. "I think... I need to... sit down."
The color of their surroundings was bleeding out onto the ground. Pinkie took a lick of the swirling hues.
"Look what I made!" she declared. She had licked the puddle into the shape of a heart.
"Is that a polygon?" Twilight asked.
The ground quaked and drained itself of its color, muddying and distorting Pinkie's puddle.
"Now it is!" Pinkie announced happily.
Thump thump. Thump thump. The ground continued to shake. "I bet we'll have to get to the heart of this problem!" Twilight joked, winking at the others.
"How can you be so calm?" Spike pointed out. "The world is ending. Can't you do something, Twilight?"
"... Uhh, perhaps..." Twilight said as she overcame the sheer surreality of their predicament and the actual implications hit her. "I'll try my best." The unicorn lowered her horn and stabbed it into the ground. Magical energy began to surge through the earth.
Hospital staff rushed out of the crumbling hospital building, some bearing patients on stretchers. Pinkie tried to flag them down, but they kept running.
"Look up there!" one of them shouted.
The sky itself was falling, losing its color. A great torrent of blue poured down from the sky.
"Can't you at least take her with you?" Pinkie pleaded, pointing at the now-unconscious Faustia.
Meanwhile, Twilight's spell had restored the path they were standing on of its original color, but only briefly. The colors quickly seeped away again. Twilight sank to the ground, too exhausted to make a second effort.
Spike looked around in despair at all the ponies, who were either too frantic or too exhausted to be of much help. What to do, what to do...? he thought.
Then it occurred to him. Wait! There's one thing I can do. He pulled out his writing supplies, but found that his quill had already disintegrated as well, leaving only a brown smudge on his fingers. In desperation, he dabbed a finger in Pinkie's puddle and used the colorful liquid to write on a piece of parchment.
Dear Princess Celestia, he wrote. SOS. Spike. Blowing on the parchment with his magical fire, he sent his emergency letter to the Princess.
"Callin' me?" The Princess materialized above him in a flash.
"Princess Celestia!" Spike called. "You've got to..." He gestured frantically at the scene.
The Princess began to power up a spell so complicated it required verbal incantations. "Ickity ackity flap flap, ziggity zaggity zoo, oo ah ah, too faaa faa, flippity flapity floo," she muttered.
"Done," Celestia announced as she fired her spell. Order was restored.
After about five seconds, however, colors squirted up like a fountain once more, drenching everyone. The very lines forming the shape of the ground broke apart. A giant hole split the earth, revealing nothing but empty space.
Pinkie hopped over to the hole. "It's the wall!" she cried in recognition.
Spike also walked up to the edge of the chasm out of curiosity, but almost immediately his color started draining away. He stumbled backward and fell, avoiding the effect of the tear in dimensional space. Though not quite transparent, he was noticeably paler than usual.
The hole continued to widen.
Without a word, Faustia suddenly opened her eyes and stood up. She charged a surge of power into her horn.
A massive wind blew across the landscape, radiating from Faustia in all directions. For a moment, everything as far as the eye could see was bathed in the glow of her magic. Everyone watched in awe as the powerful spell restored everything to normal. As the wind settled and the light died down, however, Faustia seemed on the verge of collapsing again.
"Where did my puddle go?" asked Pinkie sadly.
"What? Why? What just happened?" Spike stammered.
"I hope you have learned a valuable lesson, my little ponies," Celestia began.
"But why did she attack us and then save us?" Spike broke in.
"Perhaps..." said Celestia wisely, "in her last moments, she realized that some things ought not to be interfered with, that they need time to grow."
"That is correct." With miraculous effort, Faustia straightened up and spread her wings. Even in her weakened state, she seemed surrounded in an aura of authority that commanded respect. Flapping her wings, she rose vertically into the sky.
"I will be returning to my world now, my little ponies," she announced. "Do not worry, I will be fine there. Apologies for disrupting what was to be a very special day for you all." As she winked out of sight, she restored Twilight's strength, Spike's color, and Pinkie's puddle.
"Yay!" exclaimed Pinkie, drawing a big smiley face on the ground with the multicolored puddle.
Then, without warning, she jumped ten feet into the air.
"Twilight!" she said excitedly. "We must get back to the library this instant!"
"To what?" Twilight asked.
A horrible stench came floating on a breeze, wreaking havoc on everypony's nostrils.
"Oh, yeah," Spike remembered. "We never finished cleaning off that vomit, and Faustia must have overlooked that part..."
Ignoring the stench, Pinkie answered Twilight's question. "You'll see when you get there! Come on!"
Twilight, Pinkie, and Spike arrived at the library, but as they approached they heard some strange random noises coming from inside it.
"Uhhhh..." Pinkie realized that their friends were inside the library preparing for the party she had suggested. "Maybe we shouldn't come back so soon, Twilight!" she said cheerfully. "Come on, let's go find that Taffy Cluck pony. He seemed really cranky when I met him; maybe we can help him out!" Without waiting for an answer, she nudged Twilight away from the library and they set off in search of Taffy Cluck.
Role distribution for this story Kirensia: Princess Celestia, Faustia, Twilight Sparkle Powderjaggy: Pinkie Pie, Spike, hospital staff, Faustia (after climax)
According to Kirensia, Taffy Cluck survived his off-screen encounter with Faustia from the last chapter and now works at Sugarcube Corner making his signature taffy.
The sun was barely up and Spike was still fast asleep. Twilight, on the other hand, was checking the schedule she had made for the day.
It was her birthday. She had everything she wanted to do scheduled down to the minute, and she wanted everything to be perfect.
Seeing as it was about time for her daily plans to be put into play, she decided to wake her companion.
"Spike, wake up."
Spike yawned and stretched. "Twilight, it's still early," the dragon protested.
"You have to get up now or we'll never get the party ready in time!" said Twilight impatiently.
"I thought Pinkie Pie was preparing the party," Spike muttered, rolling over in his basket sleepily.
"But we have other things to do before she arrives," Twilight replied, checking her schedule. "Like... rearranging the books!"
"Again?" said Spike incredulously.
Suddenly, there was a crash through the library and a shout of "Ahhhhh!"
A familiar blue pegasus rose from the wreckage. "Ouch... Oh, hey, Twilight."
Twilight had been sent flying by the collision and buried under falling books. She stood up and shook herself off painfully.
"Rainbow Dash!" she exclaimed frantically as she came back to her senses. "The... the party's not ready yet!" For a moment she was afraid that she was already behind schedule, but to her relief the sun was still not fully up yet.
Rainbow Dash didn't seem to hear. "Umm, Twilight," she said. "I have a favor to ask of you."
"Yes?"
"I wanna see how fast I am," the pegasus explained, "so I need you to come with me."
"Oh... uh..." Twilight pulled out her schedule. "Well, I guess I can rearrange the books a little later... I should have an airspeed indicator in the basement."
"No need," said Rainbow Dash. "Just take my hoof and let's GOOOO!" Without waiting for an answer, she pulled her friend out of the library window and into the sky. Twilight screamed.
"HOW FAST IS THIS!?" Rainbow Dash shouted.
Twilight managed to stop screaming long enough to gasp out, "I... can't... tell...!"
"THEN I GUESS IT'S... PRETTY DARN FAST!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "RIGHT!?"
"... Yes," Twilight gasped again.
As she zoomed across the landscape, Rainbow Dash lifted one hoof, then saw to her surprise that Twilight was gone. "Uh oh."
The unicorn had slipped from Rainbow Dash's grasp. She shot backwards from momentum, slammed into the ground, rolled down a hill, and eventually came to a rest facedown.
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA," Rainbow Dash burst out in laughter as she saw what had happened. "Uh, I mean, heh, heh. Sorry, Twilight. Well, thanks anyway." She flew away.
"Uggh," Twilight groaned in pain as she got up and trotted back in the direction of the library.
Twilight staggered back into her study. Spike had tidied up her fallen books into neat piles while she was gone, and they were sitting on the floor waiting to be rearranged. She levitated all the books at once and rearranged them at record speed.
The unicorn paused to admire the results, but something seemed off. She levitated all the books off the shelves and rearranged them again.
It still wasn't good enough. She dropped the books on the floor in frustration. Checking her schedule again, she was horrified to see that she was well and truly behind this time. The next item on her list was "visit Applejack and check on the food preparations". Leaving her books scattered on the floor, she rushed off.
At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was busy bucking apples, while the rest of the Apple family were busy making treats.
"Hello, Applejack!" Twilight called as she trotted up the path. She waved a hoof in greeting.
"Huh?" As Applejack looked up, an apple fell on her back. She instinctively raised her haunches and kicked the apple into Twilight's face. Twilight was knocked back several feet by the powerful strike.
"Was... just checking... on how the food's going..." Twilight panted between throbbing breaths.
"Oh, uh, it's goin' fine," Applejack replied. "Big Macintosh and Granny Smith are working hard. Eh, eh, just another day. But why are you checkin' on our food? I mean, this is what we usually do anyway."
Gasp! She can't have forgotten what day it is! thought Twilight. "Well, uh, it was... just on my list of things to do today," she explained matter-of-factly, showing her schedule to Applejack. "And, uh, I was passing by anyway, so..."
Applejack squinted at the schedule. "Food check up... Why, how dare you, Twilight?" she exclaimed, taking a step forward. "You think my food's contaminated, don't you?"
Twilight took a step back in surprise. "No, no!" she said hastily. "I just want today to go smoothly and perfectly, that's all."
"Well, life ain't perfect, sugarcube," Applejack retorted bluntly. "Can't believe you'd even suspect my wholesome food borne from hard work to be contaminated!"
"That's not what I'm saying," Twilight stammered, confused by the sudden rebuff. "And it looks like everything is going smoothly and perfectly on your end, so I'll be on my way. ... I'm behind already, you see."
"Well then, go on," Applejack drawled. "Don't want to keep you waiting then!"
Twilight walked away briskly, relieved to be free of the awkward situation and worried that she had made everything worse. In fact, it seemed to her that Applejack didn't even remember what day it was. And even if Applejack did remember, she felt certain that there was no way her friend would partake in her birthday now. The unicorn sighed and checked the next item on her schedule.
Whew, thought Applejack as she watched Twilight disappear into the distance. Hope I wasn't too harsh... then again, it's Twilight. She's not that weak. Well, at least, she's not stupid. But won't she be glad when she sees this amazing cake! She looked back at the barn where a huge seven-layer cake decorated with apple slices was hidden. Of course, it would still need some approval from Pinkie Pie. Speaking of which...
"Check on Pinkie Pie's progress," Twilight read. "With luck this should go quickly..." She remembered last year, when Pinkie had been able to move her entire party to Canterlot in the blink of an eye at short notice.
It wasn't long before Twilight reached Sugarcube Corner. "Hello, Pinkie," she said. "How is everything going?" Knowing Pinkie, she hoped that she could count on not having a repeat of her meeting with Applejack earlier.
"Hi there, Twilight!" Pinkie jumped straight in Twilight's face. "Won't you be glad to see what I've got today!" The pink mare rummaged around behind the counter. "I've got balloons..." As she said this, she took out a large quantity of balloons and promptly tied them to Twilight, causing Twilight to drift up to the ceiling.
"... And cupcakes and streamers and cupcakes and cookies..."
As Pinkie babbled on, somehow procuring each item she mentioned and placing it on the counter as she said its name, Twilight popped the balloons fastened to her with her horn one at a time as to avoid crashing into the ground.
"... And cupcakes and, of course, the party cannon!" Pinkie exclaimed, pulling out her unusual artillery and firing it as a demonstration.
It so happened that the party cannon fired at just the right height to pop all of Twilight's remaining balloons, causing the purple unicorn to crash anyway.
"And yeah, that's everything!" Pinkie concluded cheerfully. "Thanks for checking in, Twilight!" She nudged her dazed friend out the door.
"Well... that was fast all right," Twilight muttered to herself, giving herself a shake. "Next stop..."
Rarity was busy putting the finishing touches in her parlor. Ribbons and banners now abounded.
The doorbell rang.
"OHHHH, IT'S..." Rarity wondered out loud as she opened the door with her magic. "Oh, it's just you, Twilight. What brings you here?"
"Oh, just checking on preparations and all," Twilight answered, looking around at her friend's new decorations.
"... What preparations, may I ask?" Rarity inquired, seemingly clueless.
Not her too! Twilight thought worriedly. "You know, like all this you've put up here."
"Oh, ummm..." Rarity thought for a bit, evading Twilight's gaze. "It's just a new design," she explained hastily. "Sometimes we all need a change of scenery. It keeps my creativity flowing."
"I see..." Twilight said evenly, though she was frantic inside.
Sensing Twilight's sadness, Rarity quickly changed tack. "I KNOW!" she exclaimed. "Why don't you try on a new outfit?"
"... All right, why not...?" That will be one nice thing to happen today at least, Twilight thought.
"WONDERFUL!" Rarity declared.
A few moments later, Twilight was trapped inside an extremely tight corset. Her eyes bulged and she found it hard to breathe.
"Right..." she managed to choke out. "Very... nice?"
"I decided to invoke some old memories..." Rarity explained.
Twilight's mind flashed back in time to her first meeting with Rarity, when the fashionista had forced her into several different outfits in quick succession, not all of them comfortable. By the time the flashback ended, Twilight was close to suffocating.
"You're looking rather uncomfortable, sweetie," Rarity observed, concerned.
"Ugggh." Somehow Twilight managed to squeeze back out of the corset. She took in a welcome gasp of fresh air. "Thank you very much for that, Rarity, but there are other things on my schedule and I'm falling behind again..." she said hurriedly as she rushed out of the boutique.
Fluttershy was tending to Angel and the other animals in her cottage when she heard a knocking at the door.
Twilight opened the door and walked in. "Hello, Fluttershy! How are things?"
"Oh, fine, Twilight. Just the usual watching of all these wonderful creatures... and..." The pegasus' face slowly fell a bit as she saw Twilight's unusually expectant expression.
"I take that you're all ready then?" Twilight asked with a smile.
"Ummm, ready for what?" asked Fluttershy.
"You know..."
"No, I'm afraid I don't know..." Fluttershy said quietly, becoming nervous.
"Uh..." The sudden awkwardness in the room was becoming unbearable. "Well then..."
"But I do know that you've had a rough day!" Fluttershy piped up, hoping to change the subject. "So come on now! I have something that will cheer you up. Are you ready everyone?"
All of the local birds that Fluttershy took care of and befriended burst into the cottage and perched on every conceivable location. That included on top of Twilight, naturally. The unicorn was forced to sit very still.
"Ready?" Fluttershy called to the birds. "And one, two, three..."
In the confined space of Fluttershy's cottage the large number of birds produced a song so loud that Twilight flinched and was knocked backwards onto her back, dazed. The birds that had been perching on top of her scattered.
"Too loud?" Fluttershy whispered.
"Well then, looks like you're all set, Fluttershy... Just, uh, keep doing what you're doing and..." Twilight's voice trailed off. She managed a fake smile, then went out the door and began to walk home very slowly.
Twilight flung the library door open, waking Spike, who had been taking a nap. She seized all the books on the floor (which once again had been arranged into neat piles while she was gone) and threw them all back onto the shelves. Miraculously, none of the books landed askew, though none of them landed in their rightful places either.
"I don't get it!" Twilight shouted. "It seems that almost none of my friends remembers my birthday!" She lay down on her bed. "I really, really wanted this day to be perfect," she added quietly to herself. "To have... fun... with all my friends. Because a birthday is a day worth remembering, right? And yet I haven't been able to get anything to go smoothly today!"
There was a knock at the door. Spike answered it as Twilight continued to monologue.
Pinkie entered the library. "Hi there, Spike! I'm here to set up Twilight's party!"
Hearing Pinkie's voice, Twilight got out of bed. "I'm sorry, Pinkie..." she called down to her, "but I don't think there's going to be a party."
"Huh? Why not? Of course there's going to be a party, Twilight!" cried Pinkie, perplexed.
Twilight stomped back and forth across her room. "Because! It seems! That nopony! Remembers what day it is!!!" Her voice rose to a shout.
"Man, I could hear you yellin' from across Ponyville!" another familiar voice remarked. "You must really be excited, Twilight." It was Applejack.
"Of course I-" Twilight started, then broke off. "Wait..."
"Yeah, didn't ya hear?" Applejack called. "We're having a party at your house."
"But... earlier today..." Twilight began.
"Yeah, yeah, we wanted to keep it a surprise," said Applejack. "The truth is... today is..."
"Our very first spontaneous PARTY!!!!" Rarity broke in. "Ooh, I've never just done something for fun like this." Evidently all the rest of their group of friends was here as well.
"Spontaneous... party...?" For a moment, Twilight was struck speechless as her final ray of hope was crushed. She fumed.
"I! Have! Had it!" Twilight yelled as she sprang into the air, her mane and tail ablaze as though on fire.
"WHAT!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "We spent all day preparing for this! Just one time of the week to have fun!"
"But do you remember what day it is?" Twilight pressed. "It's my birthday! Did none of you get my invitations? All day I've been making sure things would go well and it turns out that nopony even remembers!!!" Her flames went out and she collapsed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
"B-b-b-but, we did, sugarcube," Applejack stammered. "We just-"
"Yeah!" Pinkie interrupted. "I told you I'd bring my party cannon, and here it is!" She pushed the cannon forward for Twilight to see.
"Oh, uh, and here's the cake," Applejack added, wheeling her cake out on a cart. At the last minute, however, she tripped, and Twilight got a faceful of cake.
"... Cake?" Twilight echoed, licking icing off her face.
"Yup, it's an Apple family specialty," said Applejack.
"Happy birthday, Twilight!" Pinkie shouted happily, firing the party cannon.
"You remembered!" Twilight exclaimed as realization dawned on her.
"Uh, yeah, we totally didn't forget your birthday!" said Rainbow Dash. "Heh, heh."
With that, Twilight Sparkle's birthday party officially began.
"Wow, I can't believe she thought we'd actually forget her birthday!" Pinkie remarked to the others in the midst of it all.
"We did!" Rainbow Dash whispered. "Luckily we dodged that bullet, or we'd never see the end of it! Man, Twilight can be really whiny."
For once, Pinkie was dumbfounded, at least for a few moments.
Dear Princess Celestia,
We have learned one very important F word: flexibility. Sometimes, we just have to adjust to a situation, in any way we can. Though we may have good intentions, they aren't always the best. But at the same time, things can still turn out fine in the end.
Your loyal subjects
Role distribution for this story Kirensia: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy Powderjaggy: Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Pinkie Pie
Kirensia gets full credit for coming up with the friendship letter.
At the top of a sheer cliff, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Spike held on to one end of a rope. Attached to its other end was none other than the brash bolt of brilliance... Rainbow Dash.
"Alright, don't let go until I give my signal!" the rainbow-maned pegasus called, powering up her wings.
"Ummm, ar-rre you sure this is safe?" mumbled Fluttershy.
"Ah have to agree with ya there, sugarcube," said Applejack, siding with Fluttershy. "What kind of zany scheme are ya up to now, Rainbow?"
"Whaddya think?" Rainbow Dash replied. "Obviously trying to beat my speed record. It's not enough to just have a sonic rainboom. I have to be able to get a sonic rainboom even while, say, strapped to a mountain."
"Then why don't you, you know, strap yourself to a mountain?" Twilight pointed out. She quickly stuck a hoof in her mouth, realizing that she had just given Rainbow Dash another really bad idea, but it was too late. Luckily, another interruption soon came their way.
There was a sudden crashing noise in the distance, followed by several more. Then there was an eerie silence.
Pinkie Pie appeared behind the other ponies out of nowhere. She was bouncing uncontrollably, making even greater leaps than usual and crashing into things.
"Look at meeeeeeee!" she shouted.
And sure enough, the other ponies were distracted just enough to accidentally let go of the rope.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shouted Rainbow Dash as she was sent flying.
In the same instant Pinkie Pie rocketed into the sky, out of sight. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
At the peak of Pinkie's bounce, however, she lost consciousness and dropped like a stone. The other ponies rushed to her side, but, alas, she had fallen asleep.
"PINKIE PIE!" yelled Rainbow Dash as she flew back to the cliff. "YOU, YOU... SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Alright, what happened now?"
"Well, if you bothered getting off your high pony throne," said Twilight irritably, "you'd realize that she's fallen unconscious."
Pinkie twitched in her sleep. "Cupcakes..." she muttered. Instinctively, Rainbow shoved a pile of freshly-baked cupcakes into Pinkie's mouth.
"Uhh, where did you get those...?" Twilight asked, baffled.
"Just a little trick I learned," Rainbow Dash replied.
Pinkie chewed the cupcakes in her sleep, swallowed, and let out a loud snore.
"Wasn't she supposed ter watch Sugarcube Corner today?" Applejack remembered. Twilight gulped at this reminder.
At Sugarcube Corner, crowds and crowds of ponies had... crowded the place.
"Wasn't Pinkie supposed to help out today!?" Mr. Cake asked frantically.
"Oh, uh, I gave her the day off, let her relax a bit..." Mrs. Cake answered.
"DAY OFF!?" cried Mr. Cake. "This is the busiest day of the year... Well, not really, but look at all these ponies!"
Just then, five other ponies burst into the bakery.
"Cake family, we have an emergency," Twilight announced.
"It was dreadful," Rarity added.
Pinkie, who had been borne on the backs of her friends, flopped to the ground, still in deep sleep. The Cakes gasped, as did the crowd of customers and the very bakery itself. The crowd flooded out of Sugarcube Corner, horrified at what they'd just seen. Pinkie licked her lips and drooled on the floor.
"Come on, give her the works," instructed Twilight. "I'll try to find a spell."
The other ponies brought a variety of food in front of the slumbering Pinkie Pie. Miraculously, Pinkie ate everything in her sleep, but still didn't wake up.
BAM. After a while, Twilight slammed down her spellbook. "I've... got... the spell..." she gasped as she charged up her horn. Just as she cast the spell, she collapsed from the effort.
When Twilight awoke, she saw that her spell had worked. She and the other ponies (besides Pinkie) had shrunk down to microscopic size.
"'The shrinking spell'... designed for your everyday microscopic maneuvers and misdemeanors," Twilight explained, ignoring her friends' worried expressions. "I have determined that Pinkie is suffering from a sugar-overdose-induced sleep. To wake her up, we'll have to get inside her mind. Follow me."
The ponies made their way up Pinkie's face and crawled under her eyelid, effectively getting inside her head.
They found themselves in a strange land. It was made completely out of brightly-colored felt.
"Quite an astounding piece of work..." Rarity remarked. "All this... stitching..." As she looked down at the felt beneath her feet, she saw two familiar eyes pop out.
An orange patch of felt swelled and grew upwards, becoming a small hill. At its peak rode Pinkie Pie. She, too, was made of felt.
The felt Pinkie Pie skipped merrily down the newly-formed hill towards the other ponies. "You all came!" she exclaimed excitedly.
Twilight screamed, and in her sudden surprise she blasted the felt Pinkie to smithereens with a beam of magic. Everypony gasped in horror.
But then the felt Pinkie Pie showed up on the horizon, bounding along the path towards them. "I'm so glad you're here!" she said, as though nothing had happened. "Look at this!" A cone of cotton candy materialized out of nowhere, hovering in the air. Pinkie ate it in one gulp.
As the other ponies looked around, they realized that their surrounding were reminiscent of something familiar... and that something was not good.
"Uh, sugarcube, you don't think it could be..." Applejack wondered out loud.
"That's ridiculous," said Rainbow Dash, catching on to Applejack's thoughts. "We sealed him away!"
"Oh oh oh!" shouted the felt Pinkie Pie. "Are you talking about Discord?"
Poof. As Pinkie spoke, a felt Discord appeared beside the ponies.
PEW! Before the felt Discord could do anything, Twilight instinctively shot him to bits. "Sorry, force of habit," she said through gritted teeth. "You were saying?"
"Don't worry, Twilight," said Pinkie. "I can fix that." Chocolate rain began to fall from the clouds. "See? Isn't this place wonderful?"
The other ponies exchanged glances.
"Pinkie Pie!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "We need you to focus. We have to find your brain!"
"My brain?" Poof. More brightly-colored chunks of felt appeared on top of the landscape. "Why do you need to do that?"
"We've determined that the source of your sleep is from something... afflicting the mind," Twilight answered.
"My sleep? I'm not sleeping," said Pinkie with a giggle. "Are you tired though?"
Poof. A felt version of the Golden Oaks Library appeared, followed by felt versions of all the other ponies' homes.
"See?" Pinkie said. "It's just like home!"
Deciding that consulting the felt Pinkie Pie was no use, Twilight led the others discretely past her.
However, the felt Pinkie was keeping up with the others even more effortlessly than the real Pinkie usually did. "What should we do first?" she asked. "Party at my place? We can celebrate your first day here in this... this.. in..." She searched for a suitable name. "In... Feltyfeltpalooza!"
Annoyed, Twilight decided to delegate duties to her friends. "First, I need a distraction," she declared, casting a glance towards Rarity.
"Of course," Rarity replied. "Pinkie Pie dear, how about you come over to my, uh... place first?" She cast an eye over the felt Carousel Boutique.
"Oh, goody." Pinkie nodded enthusiastically and followed Rarity to the boutique.
Even that, however, did not satisfy the brash, multicolored-maned pony that was Rainbow Dash. "COME ON, PONIES!" she shouted. "Let's move it!" She sped far ahead across the felt land, leaving the remaining three ponies behind.
"Rainbow, no!" yelled Applejack, but it was too late. "What do ya'll reckon we should do now?" she added, turning back to the others.
"Chase after her, of course!" cried Twilight, rolling her eyes and giving Applejack a tap on the head. Applejack took off in the direction Rainbow had gone.
"Umm, is there something I can do?" Fluttershy inquired.
Twilight was exasperated by this point. Sounds of mild violence ensued.
As Twilight and Fluttershy trotted along a felt path, some distance behind Applejack and Rainbow Dash, an odd foreboding gradually came over them. Some dark clouds drifted overhead, and they could hear the sound of frosty wind.
In the real Sugarcube Corner, the real Pinkie gave a single painful twitch.
In the felt Carousel Boutique, the felt Pinkie Pie was conjuring up more felt snacks and gulping them down.
"Do hold still, darling," Rarity told her. The unicorn had hoped to make some new outfits for Pinkie to try on while the others were off doing whatever it was they had planned, but found herself to be largely superfluous. Every time she started to make a new dress the felt pony would just make a fully-formed one poof into existence. Rarity couldn't help but cringe at the felt Pinkie's taste in fashion.
At one point, Rarity happened to glance out a window. "Those are some awful weather conditions outside, Pinkie," she observed.
Pinkie took a look. "I don't see any awful weather," she said. "It's still nice and sunny! Just the way I want it to be!" She conjured up a large cake and ate it.
More dark clouds gathered in the sky.
"Get out... we don't want you here..." said an ominous voice.
"AAAHH!" screamed Twilight, awaking from a brief nap she didn't remember taking. Worryingly, the cold wind that'd been present in her dream began to blow through the felt world.
"Looks like it's not a hallucination..." Twilight thought out loud. "Things are getting rather hectic..."
Further along the path, Applejack just made out Rainbow Dash as a speeding speck in the distance. "It sure is getting chilly here... Rainbow, where are you going?" she called.
Real Pinkie Pie gave another twitch.
A soft tap on the shoulder made Twilight jump. "Oh, it's just you, Fluttershy. What's wrong?"
Fluttershy's eyes were gaunt and wide. "D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DRAGON!"
It was true. A large felt dragon was in the air a few feet away. "You are never getting out of here!" it bellowed.
At Applejack and Rainbow Dash's end of the path, a gigantic wall of thorny vines erupted from the ground, darkening the skies further. Applejack was still too far away to stop Rainbow Dash from hurtling into the vines.
In Carousel Boutique, the felt Pinkie had finally chosen an outfit. As it happened, it was the most awful of dresses she had conjured up so far.
"Thank you so much, Rarity!" Pinkie said, her mouth full.
"You're... welcome..." Rarity managed to say.
Just then, Pinkie's dress turned into acid, sloshing over the floor. Rarity leaped back, automatically screaming at the damage, in spite of it not occurring in her real boutique.
"Oh I know!" Pinkie exclaimed, evidently oblivious to the acid. "I'll have a party in honor of this wonderful new dress. You're all invited!"
Poof. The other ponies were teleported to her side.
This was the last straw for Twilight. "ENOUGH!" she shouted, charging up her horn with magic and aiming at the felt Pinkie Pie. "Take us to the brain now! Or else we'll... we'll break a PINKIE PROMISE!"
"You shouldn't have done that, Twilight..." warned Applejack.
Poof. The beam Twilight had been charging up dissipated harmlessly. In the same instant, steam spewed out of the felt Pinkie's ears.
"Twilight, you silly filly!" boomed Pinkie with a demonic echo. "This! Is! The! Brain! And breaking a Pinkie Promise!? APOLOGIZE!"
Pieces of the floor the ponies were standing on began to fell into nothingness.
"Hey, did I even make one yet?" Twilight pointed out, thinking quickly. "Don't go jumping to conclusions yet."
The steam from Pinkie's ears dissipated. "Oh, you're right," said the pink mare, brightening up again. Well, you can all stay here then."
More pieces of the floor vanished.
"Hey, what did I just say?" asked Twilight, bemused at how easy it'd been to calm Pinkie down.
"You reminded me that you hadn't made a Pinkie Promise yet, and you can't break a Pinkie Promise if you didn't make one, Twilight! Lalala~"
Outside though, dark clouds were gathering more thickly than ever, and the real Pinkie Pie was jerking in spasms.
"Alright. I'll make a Pinkie Promise," Twilight announced. "I promise that I will always break any Pinkie Promise that I ever make."
"You can't do that!" Pinkie cried out in shock. "You can't use a Pinkie Promise to break another Pinkie Promise. It's against the rule!"
"What rule?" inquired Twilight with a smile.
"Paragraph #3/4 under rule #6.347." Pinkie pulled out a huge list, titled "Rules on Making Pinkie Promises". "Gee, I thought everypony already read this."
"Hurry, Twilight, take it," said Applejack, wrapping a lasso around Pinkie's list.
The wind outside was getting stronger, and the ponies could hear it whistling loudly past corners. Meanwhile, the shadows in Pinkie's mind grew larger until the felt dragon Twilight and Fluttershy had encountered earlier burst into the boutique through a wall. Thorny vines sprouted from the ground, surrounding the entire building and shrouding it to near darkness.
As all this transpired, the real Pinkie was experiencing a burning fever.
"Who are you?" Twilight addressed the dragon.
"I am here to prevent you from leaving," the dragon replied.
"Huh, straight to the point isn't he?" Applejack noted.
"Stay here? In this place?" said Rarity in disbelief. Even as she spoke, walls started to crack and disappear. If not for the surrounding vines, the building would have resembled Swiss cheese.
The felt Pinkie Pie stuffed her face with a chocolate cake, clearly unaware of the destruction.
"This better work," Twilight said to herself, having come up with a desperate plan. She inhaled deeply.
"PINKIE PIE!!! WAKE UP!!!"
"But I am up," the felt Pinkie remarked.
The real Pinkie sweated profusely and stirred, but did not wake. And back in the felt world of her mind, there was no visible change.
"Pinkie Pie... doesn't need friends!" the ominous voice Twilight had heard in her dream sounded.
Pieces of the sky vanished, and even the thorny vines were shriveling up. Two gaping holes opened up in the dragon's wings and it crashed to the floor.
"Don't get any ideas," the dragon growled. "I can still perform my charge."
The moment's distraction, however, had been all Twilight needed. "Too bad, I've already come up with an idea," she retorted smugly. The purple unicorn pulled Fluttershy over and held the pegasus in front of herself like a shield.
"Huh, if you think that can..." the dragon began to sneer, but it broke off and backed up almost immediately.
"No!" it yelled. "Fluttershy, the tamer of dragons!"
Poof. It morphed, first into a cockatrice, then into a manticore, and then into Cerberus, before finally settling on a hydra.
"Ah ha!" said the hydra triumphantly, looming over the ponies. "As long as Pinkie wills it, you can never escape!"
"Nuh uh uh..." Twilight reproached. "You've never pranked Fluttershy, have you?"
Poof. The hydra disappeared.
"Whew. Quick thinking, Twilight," Applejack approved. "But we still need to get Pinkie to wake up, and fast!" More than half the landscape in the felt world had fallen apart by now.
"Hey, Pinkie!" Twilight called, inspired by her success in getting rid of the dragon. "Stop pranking Fluttershy! She's gonna cry!"
"Pranking? I'm not pranking her," Pinkie responded quizzically. "In fact, I think we should get around to throwing that party!" She skipped out the door, narrowly avoiding a hole to nothingness that had just opened up on the floor behind her.
"Ummm, well, I think you're pranking me!" Fluttershy chimed in, realizing Twilight's plan. "... And it's, ummm, very hurtful." She mustered a hurt frown on her face.
Seeing Fluttershy's expression, Pinkie's smile faded. "Please let me make it up to you. I'll.... I'll throw the party in your honor!"
Pieces of the sky rained down.
"Y'know... I think we'd really appreciate it if you got us all out of... this place," Applejack prompted.
"Why? You don't like this place?"
"WAIT!" Twilight cut in. "First off, we want you to WAKE UP! THE MAIN BODY!" The unicorn was nearly fuming.
"But... that would mean... leaving," said the felt Pinkie sorrowfully. "And why would anyone want to leave?" The other ponies glanced about at the dissolving terrain and listened to the chilling wind and ominous voices surrounding them, all of which appeared to be undetectable to the felt Pinkie.
"I mean, look!" Pinkie continued.
Poof. Chocolate rain showered down once more. This time, however, half the raindrops vanished before they hit the ground.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Startled, Twilight turned to see Fluttershy bawling her eyes out. Water sprayed everywhere. In between the water works, however, Twilight could've sworn she saw the pegasus give her a tiny wink.
"You're... you're not happy, are you?" Realization dawned on Pinkie.
Icy wind whirled around the ponies, getting colder every second.
"I... I don't like to see my friends unhappy," Pinkie said out loud to no one in particular.
The wind was blowing faster and faster, and the felt world seemed to be disintegrating more rapidly as well...
The felt Pinkie closed her eyes and concentrated hard. "Happy!" she shouted, her voice rising above the shriek of the wind. "I want you all to be happy!"
Poof.
Twilight groaned groggily as she got to her feet. "I don't feel so..." She quickly reached for the nearest bucket.
After that was taken care of, the purple unicorn was finally able to take a good look at their surroundings. They were all in the real Sugarcube Corner again, and had been restored to their original sizes.
"My, my..." Twilight heard Fluttershy say. "It appears I feel similar..." She heard the scraping of another bucket against the ground.
On the floor, the real Pinkie's eyelids fluttered open.
"I don't... I don't feel so good either," she moaned. "So we... all... don't feel too good? What happened?"
"Yeah, we're all disoriented from trotting around your innards!" Twilight snapped. "Never wanna do that again."
"Don't be silly!" Pinkie laughed."Why would you ever have to do that?" She skipped away, humming a tune.
"Don't worry too much about her, Twilight," Applejack reassured. "She's just bein' Pinkie Pie."
"I guess so." By now Twilight was regaining her spirits, and managed a smile.
"Wait," the unicorn suddenly noticed as she looked around at her friends. "Where's Rainbow Dash?"
"Ah followed her down to the end of a path..." Applejack recalled. "Didn' she get transported to the boutique with the rest of us?"
That night, as Pinkie slept a far more restful sleep, the felt Pinkie in her head was busy at work. Summoning a quill and parchment, she began to write.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned a very important lesson. I learned that your friends may not always enjoy what you think they will, and that you cannot force them to change their preferences. When you do, that ends up being no fun for anypony, and nopony likes that!
Oh, and also, it really is best not to eat too many sweets, but I still think it's impossible for that to ever happen.
Pinkie Pie
The felt Pinkie Pie trotted down a felt path, the landscaping and climate in her felt world now back to normal, as the real Pinkie was no longer suffering from sugar overdose.
At the end of the path, a small clump of thorny vines still stood, a blue pegasus still tangled in its creepers.
"Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?" Pinkie asked. "I guess those vines must have worked a little too well!" she reasoned with a smile. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, was somewhat less amused.
After dispelling the pegasus from the real Pinkie's mind, the felt Pinkie conjured up a dragon as her mount and flew off into the sunset, on her way to deliver her friendship letter to a felt Princess Celestia.
Role distribution for this story Kirensia: Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Mr. Cake, Mrs. Cake, Applejack Powderjaggy: Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, the dragon/hydra
