A Proposition
I can remember the crowd, pressing in all around me. Their clothing ranged from the practical to the downright ridiculous, and almost all of them stood out in their own way against the opulence of the building. That standing out and constant grabbing for attention, however, meant none of them could ever truly be focused on. I remember the crowd pressing in around me, charging at some celebrity or another, and I was caught up in the wave, unable to breathe.
Everything went black after that, even after I woke up. I could see myself perfectly, but everything around me was black, and I didn’t know if there were any walls, or even what I was standing on. The whole effect was surreal, and I found myself stumbling over every time I tried to take a step.
“Don’t bother going anywhere, my friend,” a voice said at least, seeming to come from everywhere. “Nowhere in this place is any different than the rest of it. A bastion of order...” Suddenly, his tone became far more acidic as he finished, “Created by a madman with no sense of balance.” I wanted to ask for clarification, but the voice continued before I could. “The world needs chaos, you know. Life, death, culture, all this came from chaos. But there are those who would seek to impose order across the entire world, stagnating it, making it no better out there than it is in here.”
I turned around, looking for the voice’s owner, and suddenly someone... or something, rather, was in my face. I could only describe him as a chimera, but with even more parts than a real one, and possibly even capable of scaring a ‘proper’ chimera back into its cave. “Good evening, Squall,” he said. “Can I call you Squall? Because you look a lot like someone who would go by that name.”
With his lion’s paw, he pointed out my clothing, and I suddenly understood. The crowd was a convention, and I’d gone dressed as Squall. “I guess,” I replied. “But I think of him as Leon, so I’d probably respond to that more easily.”
“Anything for a friend,” the creature replied. “Because you are my friend, Leon.”
“What makes you say that? I don’t even know your name, or what either of us is doing here. What the hell is going on?”
I tried to turn and leave, but the creature was right; there was nowhere else to go. Eventually, I walked back to him, and he cleared his throat. “My apologies,” he said. “After so long in this prison, sometimes I forget my manners. I am Discord.” He bowed in midair, twisting his body around into a circle before straightening out again. “This place is a prison, though I know not how you came here. However, I can get you out of it.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
“An obvious question, Leon, but a good one. There is a favour I would like to ask of you.”
“Whoa, whoa, wait. This is going a little too quickly for me. Can you explain just who and what you are, and why you’re in a prison of nothingness that you can get me out of, but not yourself?” I pinched myself on the back of the hand, but nothing changed. “Am I high?”
Discord simply scratched his head with his eagle’s talon. “It seems I’ve forgotten more than I thought. But, an explanation you have asked for, and since you are my friend, I shall oblige.”
After clearing his throat again, he pulled a blackboard out of nowhere and absently began to draw on it with some chalk held in his tail. “Long ago, there was a land known as Equestria, and it flourished under the rule of... oh, who am I kidding?” He stopped halfway through drawing a globe and scribbled it out, the chalk somehow erasing itself. “The place was dull as could be. Sure, having someone around who can literally control the sun’s orbit sounds interesting, but do you know what she did with that power and adoration? She tried to make them all constantly happy, and their lives would have grown dull if they had half a brain cell among them.”
He shoved the chalkboard away, tossing the piece of chalk into his mouth and crunching it like celery. “Then along came little old me, wanting to spice their lives up a bit. But do you think they appreciated it? Of course not! Their sun goddess had brainwashed them into believing their stagnant ‘happiness’ was true bliss, and they rebelled until they finally locked me up in here!”
“Wait, how did they do that? If you had the power to let me out of here, and to summon that blackboard out of nowhere, then how did they manage to stop you?”
“Some spell based on the power of love and peace and all that rot. The point is,” he waved his paw around a bit, “I’m stuck in here, unable to do anything, and they didn’t even hear me out before they shoved me in here. Somehow, they’ve decided they don’t like you either, and they’ve thrown you in with me because they can’t think of a worse punishment.”
“Who’s ‘they’, and how would they know about me? If someone had the power to control the sun, then I’d know something about them...”
He waved his paw again. “Details. Anyway, the tyrant of the sun has locked us both in here. I can get you out, but you have to promise to do something for me first.” He pulled the blackboard back and burped up the chalk, somehow still in one piece. Using his talon to draw on it behind his back, he looked me right in the eyes.
I didn’t know what to make of him. The red-in-yellow seemed dangerous enough, but there was something else behind them that made me break eye contact almost immediately, pretending to want to already see what was on the board. Still, if it wasn’t a dream, he was the only chance I had of getting out of there. “What would this promise involve?” I asked.
He stepped to the side of the board, pointing out a castle he’d sketched there. “The royal palace, where the sun queen resides, is also home to the six symbols of the tyranny. The crown jewels, known as the “Elements of Harmony”, are believed to have magical powers that can ward off evil, or at least, whatever they declare is ‘evil’. If you can relieve the sun queen of them, then her subjects will see the truth. They’ll be begging for my release, and she won’t be able to deny them. The only way I can leave is by her will, you see, and she wouldn’t deny her little followers anything if they asked in large enough numbers.”
There was silence for a little while. “Okay, back up,” I said. “This is still not making a lick of sense. And even if it’s prerogative for gods of chaos to not make sense, this isn’t helping me to see why you’re asking me to steal from someone I don’t even know.”
He slithered up to me, wrapping around me loosely and holding his talon under my chin. “Then let me make it as clear as possible: unless you promise to do this for me, I won’t let you out.”
Again, silence. I didn’t know how to reply. My arm was being twisted into committing a direct crime against who I’d been told was a ruthless dictator. I only had his word that anything was the way it was, but there was no other option. “Fine,” I growled at last. “I’ll get those jewels for you. Now let me out of here already.”
“Oh, so eager to die?” Discord asked, spinning around me again. “You won’t get far without help. I can give you some assistance, but once you leave this place, that’s it. You’re on your own. But I’m not such a heartless draconequus that I’d let you go out unprepared.”
Two things appeared in his ‘hands’. In the paw, I recognised Leon’s sword, with the revolver barrel at the bottom. “I noticed that you didn’t have this before,” he said as I took it. “Just in case you get into any trouble, this might come in handy.”
I swung the blade around a bit, and it felt far too light to be made of metal. “Is this real?” I asked.
“It shouldn’t matter if you stay out of sight. They have magic, and if you get into too much trouble, then they’ll capture you with it and execute you without a trial. Probably by throwing you into the sun; that was always her favourite method.”
I slung it over my back, and it stuck on its own as he handed me the map in his talon. “I read about a map like this in a book once,” he said as I unfolded it, finding it to be blank. Before I could point that out, he said, “Oh, I’m sure you know the book I speak of, it’s only one of the most popular pieces of fiction in your world! Though their depiction of magic is so far off the mark it isn’t even funny, but, how are you to know?” I folded the map up again, placing it in a pocket of my jacket.
“And lastly...” He reached out with his talon before I could react, scratching me diagonally across the face. “To complete the Leon look,” he smirked as I clutched at the sudden pain. “It’s also a reminder of our bargain. It comes off when I’m free, and not a moment before.” I stared up at him angrily, and he scoffed. “Oh, and it’ll also hurt more when anyone hostile is about to find you, so don’t try and get rid of it too early. You’ll need every advantage you can get.” He floated off behind me, laughing quietly to himself.
I pulled my hand away from my face, unable to do anything about it anymore. “So what now?” I asked, turning around to face him.
He was gone, and so was the blackness. Instead, there was a whole world outside, and I stumbled over again, my back landing against stone. It was a statue of Discord, eagle’s talon extended, eyes closed and mouth open as though he were shouting when it happened. Perhaps the statue was his prison, though why he didn’t just break what felt like perfectly normal stone to me... unless...
He’d said something about magic, and he’d clearly been using it. Maybe certain kinds of magic just didn’t mix together well, and he couldn’t break through whatever magic was keeping him imprisoned. How he’d gotten me out of it, though...
The sound of voices approaching brought my situation into sharp relief. Someone was coming, and if they found me, I was probably dead. I had to find somewhere to hide, and fast, but the only place I could think of was behind the statue. There was a cardboard box there, open on the bottom and possibly just large enough to fit into...
“Am I seriously doing this?” I asked, before realising the voices were closer. I didn’t have a choice but to climb under the box. The voices immediately muffled slightly as I pulled it down over my body, curled up on my knees. I could still sort of see through a slit in the front. There was something written just underneath the slit as well:
love you <3
Yes, the heart was sideways. Silently, I cursed Discord for giving me such a clichéd hiding place, but it was better than nothing, I had to admit.
The conversation suddenly stopped, and I heard footsteps coming nearer. “There he is, Discord,” one said. “Guy always gives me the creeps. I never liked opera.”
“You really think he’s singing opera?” the second replied. “Looks more like he’s some kinda dictator, making a speech to a crowd.” They both shuddered noisily and walked off together, and through the slit in the cardboard box, I could make out who was talking.
I didn’t want to believe it. A pair of horses... no, ponies, they were too small to be horses, both wearing gold armour and... No, somebody else must have said it, I thought. Then the one on the left turned his head to the other, and I saw his mouth moving as the words came out. “Let’s just finish our patrol before sundown. I’m starving here.” The other nodded, and I fell back into the box, trying to take stock of my situation.
I was in a world populated by talking ponies.
I would stick out like a sore thumb.
If they caught me, I was probably dead.
All I had to work with was a scar given to me by a god of chaos.
Said god of chaos wants me to steal a sacred, important object from the rulers of this world.
I added it all up in my head, and there was only one way the equation would come out:
I’m so screwed.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I shook it out of my head. You can’t think that way, Leon. Think constructively. How are you going to get out of here? I looked through the slit of the box, seeing the two ponies turning a corner and disappearing. As soon as I was sure they were gone, I took the box off. Somehow, it folded into another pocket; perhaps another oddity of the god of chaos whose service I was in. Where he’d learned about Metal Gear, I couldn’t even guess, but as long as the box actually helped, I wasn’t complaining.
What would Snake do? Call Meryl, get involved in an overly elaborate conspiracy with some wacky bad guys... Okay, what else? Get a feel for the area. Probably by calling someone, but I don’t have a radio, or anyone to talk to on it. Guess I’ll have to go scouting the old-fashioned way. I headed off in the direction the ponies hadn’t gone. Judging by what they’d said, it was probably west, since I could see the beginnings of a sunset.
Then again, considering that the sun was under manual control, and I was in another world, things like west didn’t really apply. It helped me keep track of my facing, though, so at least it wasn’t a totally pointless exercise.
The castle stood to the north, but I couldn’t see any ways to get in, at least not from where I was. Discord had said something about giving me a map, but it looked like a blank piece of paper, folded and cut through more times than seemed practical. I remembered what Discord had said about it: Though their depiction of magic is so far off the mark it’s not even funny, but, how are you to know?
Unable to believe that I was even considering it, I held the piece of paper up and tapped it with a finger, quoting “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” As the ink filled out the paper, it read,
no need to sound so put out about it
Either Discord hadn’t heard of capital letters, or he was just doing it to annoy me.
The petulant phrase disappeared before long, though, replaced with the ‘Draconequus’ Map’ logo, and the castle within. The sets of four dots were probably hooves, and the names following them didn’t make any sense to me; they seemed to be random adjectives and nouns, though I suppose that’s what any foreign name sounds like to an outsider. I mean, ‘Lion-hearted Gust’ sounds weird, but ‘Squall Leonhart’ is fine...
Distracted thinking about that, I almost didn’t notice the sound of footsteps (hoofsteps?) behind me again. It was probably another guard, and I definitely wanted to avoid running into them as long as I could. He was coming from the direction I’d come from, so I started running forward again, turning a corner into a shaded alcove against the castle wall.
Looking down at the map, I quickly found myself on it, as the only set of two dots rather than four in the entire map. It was marked with “Leon”, even though that wasn’t my real name. Coming from the dots was a speech bubble reading, “Waters of Foalylon.” I didn’t know what to make of it, so I looked around the map again. A flash of movement near my own dot caught my attention, as I thought that someone had caught me. It was just another message from Discord, though:
when i tell you to say things, try saying them, it might just help ;)
“Can you stop writing sideways smiley faces?” I asked under my breath, exasperated.
don’t hash my buzz bro :(
“Fine, whatever... Geez. Waters of Foalylon... whatever that means.” A grinding noise came from behind me, and I turned to see that the stones were sliding apart to create a tunnel. My jaw dropped open. Damn, it’s like I really am in a fantasy novel...
“Hey, you there!” My scar suddenly started burning, and I turned to see a guard pony staring at me, frowning. With no other option, I turned back and started running, pulling my hand away from my face for long enough to get away. “Stop right there!” the guard shouted, but the wall pulled closed behind me. I could hear him beating against the wall from the other side, as I’d stopped as soon as it shut. After what felt like an eternity, he started walking away, and my scar stopped hurting as much.
that was too close
next time maybe act sooner
“I love you too, Discord.”
In the darkness of the tunnel, I stumbled forward until I reached the other end, under a tapestry. I stepped out without checking, but there was nobody around. A look at the map told me that I was close to the royal kitchens. At the sight of the word ‘kitchen’, my stomach started rumbling, and I realised I hadn’t eaten since... I didn’t know how long I’d spent in the black room, but it was probably far too long for my own good.
There was only one pony in the kitchen. Blue Ribbon was busy humming to himself as he prepared something big and complex on the far side. Closer to me was a basket of apples. They didn’t really look like apples, though; it was closer to a child’s drawing of apples, too round and shiny and perfect to be real. Trying to get any closer would risk revealing myself, though, so I had to grab one off the top of the bunch and take a bite.
It was real, alright. It tasted so good, though whether that was just my hunger speaking, I didn’t know or care. I’d grabbed two more and shoved them in my pockets when Blue Ribbon turned around, gasping. “Sacre merde! Les pommes!” Cursing silently, I tried to make for the door again, crawling along the ground. I only just made it before he continued exclaiming in French, or at least something close enough to it.
As he started looking around the room, I felt my scar heating up again, but not quite to the same level. It quickly died down, though, as he said, “Un fantôme?” He shook his head and returned to his work at that point, and I sighed with relief. Once again, that had been far too close for comfort, and somehow I knew it wasn’t the last time that’d happen.
Hiding back under the tapestry, I saw another pair of guards pass through. These two both had horns, marking them as unicorns. Whether there was anything to that, though, I wasn’t sure until the door to the kitchen lit up at the same time as one of their horns. Magical ponies... Well, that’s going to be annoying.
While they were distracted by the smell of whatever it was Blue Ribbon was cooking, I crawled out from under the tapestry again and ran down the hall, my footsteps muffled by the carpet. That could work to my advantage, I immediately thought. I have the Marauder’s... well, the Draconequus’ Map, so I don’t need to hear them coming, and if they can’t hear me, that’ll stop me from getting discovered as long as I don’t mess up.
There was a bedroom at the end of the corridor, and I immediately felt the need to sleep overcome me, like needing to eat had before. I still had the apple minus one bite in one hand, and that reminded me of what I’d been doing. I couldn’t do it in someone else’s bedroom, though; they were bound to come back and find me eventually.
I looked down at the map, trying to find a secret passage nearby where I could hole up to eat and sleep. There was one leading straight out of the room, but there was no password evident. “Hey, Discord,” I whispered. “What do I do if there’s no password on a passage?”
experiment with the walls
“Okay... Whatever that means.” I pocketed the bitten apple with the others, picked up a blanket off the bed and started rapping on the wall where the map said a corridor was coming from, but the stone didn’t budge an inch.
Giving up for a moment, I looked down at the map. Someone was coming down the corridor, some ‘Prince Blueblood’ or another, and apparently I was in his bedroom. I couldn’t be sure if he was coming in right away, but I didn’t want to take the chance. I started pounding on the wall at random, hoping against hope that something would cause it to open up.
As Prince Blueblood drew closer, I finally fell against the wall, hitting it once with my fist. The secret passage opened up with the single knock. Slapping myself for not noticing sooner, I crawled inside as it closed.
In this passage, there was a glowing blue light, seemingly coming from nowhere. I could at least see that Blueblood had indeed come into the room just after me. He stopped at the entrance, looking around and gasping loudly. “It’s true!” he shouted at last. “There really is a ghost here!” Screaming like a little girl, he ran away, calling for ‘Auntie’.
“Guess I didn’t clean up properly, huh.”
you think?
try to be a little more careful, this is a stealth mission
“I know. I worked out that much for myself.” After a moment’s thought, I pulled the apple back out of my pocket. “Hey, Discord, how are you talking to me through the map?”
it’s not just the map
it’s also like the diary
“...You’re the strangest god of chaos I’ve ever met. Didn’t think they’d be into Harry Potter.”
what am i supposed to do with a millennium in a prison of nothingness but read?
“Yeah, that’s a good point,” I conceded, biting into the apple. “Anyway, I think I’m gonna take a nap, and then scout the place out tomorrow. Mischief managed.” The ink on the map faded as I folded it up, completely gone when it went back into its pocket.
Through the wall, I could hear Blueblood returning, ranting about how he’d seen the ghost ransack his room and steal his blanket. Another pony cleared their throat, and he suddenly stopped. “Sorry, Auntie,” he said, far more meekly. “But I can’t think of any other explanation for what’s going on. First the chef loses some apples, now I’ve lost a blanket...”
“I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation,” a second voice said, female and perfectly controlled, betraying no emotion. “But if you see the ghost properly, let me know what it looks like, and I might be able to track it down.” She walked away as Blueblood apologised and promised to let her know, calling out that she should ask the whole castle for that favour.
I slapped my forehead, almost loudly enough to be heard through the wall. Now if anyone saw me at all, they’d find me with magic, and that’d be the end of it. It wasn’t enough to be stealthy; now, I literally had to be the ghost I was claimed to be, or else I’d cease to be.
I pinched myself one last time, but nothing changed; not the apple in my hand, nor the magical light above me. This was all happening. I’d become the protagonist of the strangest Metal Gear spinoff ever created, and I wasn’t even dressed for the occasion. What the hell am I going to do? I thought to myself.
Looking down, I saw the apple again, along with the stolen blanket. Eat and sleep, I told myself. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll work out the rest later. I finished the apple, and then I slept, not daring to dream of anything lest I find myself unable to wake from that one, too.