Hiraeth
A regal purple alicorn sat completely still, no signs of life save her eyes, slowly tracing the lines of an old and faded piece of parchment that hung from the grey stone wall before her. As her eyes reached the only three visible letters remaining on the parchment, they paused. The first was an elegantly written ‘E’ that trailed off into what would have been another letter if time had not claimed it long ago. Further down the line was a flowing E with a hole obscuring the middle line making it hard to make out. Her eyes continued on and traced the curves of a ‘T’, followed by a faded red patch and then finally an ‘A’. The mare raised her hoof and knocked it against the parchment with a light clop sound. She lifted it again, and the clop sounded louder as the hoof smacked against the same spot. Her head lowered until her forehead rested against the parchment and dark line flowed down the parchment.
From behind the mare echoed a deep rumbling voice, it sounded reminiscent of the billows of a forge. “How many years has it been?” Twilight turned her head to face the dragon who had just entered behind her. Scars criss crossed his body from every angle and he moved with a limp as moved towards the mare. “How many years?” He spoke quieter, his breath tousling the mare’s hair and causing her mane to wave a little more. His one eye gazed over the map from beneath a wizened eyelid, before finally resting fondly upon the mare he had called Mother.
The mare stood, turning to face her friend with a small sigh. “Spike.” She paused for a moment to look her old friend over. Her eyes traveled along his body, tracing along a broken track on his scarred hide from which scales had fallen free or been torn away. The frail bones and the tattered membranes of his wings made her look away momentarily before finally glancing over the deep gouge exposing his spine between the wings. Her hoof trailed along a thin scar that encircled his neck and then along a deep groove in the scales that traveled up to a tear in his ear before letting her hoof fall to the ground again. “Spike, today is the thousandth anniversary of...that day.” The mare lowered her head and sniffled as a few strangled sobs racked her body. Spike wrapped his neck around her so his head came to rest on her withers. He cradled her like a child with his front legs as she buried herself into his scales and her body shook with sobs as years of regret and loss bubbled to the surface.
Spike ran his claws through her astral mane gently as his chin shifted to rest between her ears. “Twilight.” He paused for a moment, sighing lightly as Twilight clutched him harder. “Maybe you should visit them this year? It’s been a thousand years.” Spike felt Twilight's head shift from side to side against his chest. “It’s time, it’s past time.” He looked over the map, staring at one small town outside a forest that sat in the center. “They deserve to see you again, you deserve to see them again.”
Twilight pulled away from Spike and out of his embrace. Turning away from him she moved towards the map and rested the tip of her horn against the spot Spike had been looking at. For a minute there was silence, broken finally by the sound of tears hitting stone followed by Twilight's voice. “What right do I have to visit them? What right do I have to talk to Her again?” Without another word the saddened mare turned from the map and left the room.
Spike turned and placed himself at her side as she left the room and entered the ancient stone hallway outside the room. “You have more right than anypony. You were the closest to them, closer than anypony else. I know your friends would also love a visit, it just has been so long since they’ve seen you.”
Twilight walked slowly, her wings twitching slightly. “Maybe you’re right Spike, but what would I say?”
“Whatever you need to. There a few things I imagine you need to get off your chest and she was always there for you in the past. It might be time for you to talk to her one more time.” Spike opened a door for Twilight and followed her through. “I bet she misses you as much as you miss her.”
Twilight turned and looked at the clear blue sky over head as she stepped into the courtyard. “Maybe...maybe.” Twilight raised her hoof and ran it over the sun. “Spike, do you think you could watch over the castle today?” Spreading her wings she launched herself into the sky without waiting for a response.
Spike let a smile curl his lips upward as he watched her leave. “I hope you find what you’re looking for Twilight. I hope you find it.” He turned away and walked to the castle gates and gently drew them open before turning and heading back into the castle proper to while away his day.
~ ~ ~
Twilight slowly flapped her powerful wings, a smile flickering across her muzzle as she rolled to the side and through a cloud. A small rainbow followed her out as the sun caught the small drops of water that broke free from the cloud. She straightened herself out and pointed her muzzle to a large crystal palace shaped like a tree that could be seen off in the distance. The closer she got to the palace the more houses appeared below and around her, flashing below like trees in a forest. The few ponies out and about paid her no heed as her shadow passed over them, too focused on their morning rituals to bother looking to the sky at what they assumed was just another pegasus.
Gradually descending, Twilight landed lightly outside the ancient palace and paused at the threshold before the large, golden doors. Five symbols encircling a six pointed star was engraved in the ornate doors, three of the symbols split in the center by the crack of the door. With reverent care, Twilight traced each of the five marks around the six pointed star before she placed her hoof on the star and pushed. The door split down the middle and swung open silently to reveal a large foyer.
A ring of stained glass windows encircled the room just underneath the ceiling. Spaced equidistant under these were six large statues, alternating between the three races. Directly across from the door stood two unicorns back to back. At the base of one was a trio of diamonds and the other had the same mark as the door but encircled with five stars. Standing besides the two unicorns were two earth ponies. The one to the left wore a stetson and a trio of apples was engraved on the base and the earth pony to the right had a trio of balloons on the base. On either end of group of ponies were two pegasus. The base of one was a thunderbolt and the other was a trio of butterflies. Twilight smiled nostalgically at the six statues, each one bringing up memories of a time she hadn’t allowed herself to remember for years.
Twilight tore her gaze from the six ponies and walked slowly to the center of the room and the two alicorn statues that stood back to back surrounded by a padded cushion. She sat back slowly and stared up at the two rearing alicorns with a sad look in her eyes.
“Can I help you, ma’am?” A yellow pegasus stepped out from behind the statues, a feather duster in his hoof. He paused for a moment before dropping the duster and bowing. “I am sorry your highness. I did not realize it was you.”
Twilight shook her head. “Rise my little pony, it is okay.” She looked down at him loving and smiled warmly.
Rising to his hooves, the stallion smiled tensely. “So, what brings you here Princess?”
Twilight turned back to the statues. “I was on my way to see Them,” She glanced at the statue of two alicorns in the middle of the room, “and thought I might stop by to see my friends first. It has been such a long time.” With a sigh, Twilight rose from her seated position and looked about the room. “Are the coffins open for viewing yet?”
The stallion shook a little as he gulped. “No, we are closed for renovations today. Just the usual double checking on the runes that keep the spells in place and making sure everything is spic and span.” The stallion looked to each statue then back to Twilight. “Of course, for you we could make an exception.”
Twilight shook her head. “That’s fine. I will stop by later after you have reopened.” Smiling a little Twilight turned from the stallion and paused. “How long will it take?”
“Shouldn’t be more than a few days. I look forward to your visit when you do. You could come by during the field trip next week and talk to the foals.” The stallion offered a sheepish but hopeful smile.
With a small shake of her head and chuckle. “I think I just might. What did you say your name was again?”
The stallion paused. “I don’t think I did say. The name’s Antient.” He smiled at Twilight. “I look forward to your visit in a few days.”
“Of course, Antient. .Though for now, I must be on my way. Please tell my friends I said hello.” As she spoke, Twilight turned away and walked to the door, pausing to look at the statues as she left. “I will be back to see you guys soon. I just have somepony else I must visit first.” Using her magic she gently closed the doors behind her and took off towards the horizon.
~ ~ ~
Four ponies in four different suits of armor stood at attention at the foot of a large mountain, their eyes focused on the rapidly growing dot in the distance. The first pony had dark blue armor with a crescent moon in a black cloud on his chest, his partner to the left wore golden armor with a stylized sun etched on the chest. The pony to the far right wore purple armor with a pink star in the chest and the pony to the far left wore crystal armor with a heart on the chest plate. All four lifted a forehoof to their foreheads in a salute as Twilight landed before them and trotted forward.
“Good evening, stallions.” Twilight nodded her head, prompting the stallions to drop their hooves. The two in the center turned around and grasped a set of ornate white marble doors behind them with their magic and pulled. The doors glided open silently and torches flickered to life, traveling up a long staircase that led deeper into the mountain the stallions guarded.
Twilight stared into the hallway, her wings twitching at her sides as fear, nervousness, sorrow, hatred, and love all warred across her face at the same time. With a deep, shuddering breath, her first hoof landed on the first step. She paused, staring up the long staircase that gently curved to the left. Slowly her next hoof lifted and froze for a moment before it gently touched down. Taking a deep breath she moved all the way through the door flinching a little as a resolute thud signaled the closing of the doors, leaving her alone in the hallway of torches.
Just ahead on her right was an alcove which she approached with caution. Inside sat a stained glass window, lit from behind with a magelight, she herself had summoned and placed it there. The window was a remnant of the castle that had once graced the mountaintop she now stood under. The window was a depiction of the two sisters who had once ruled side by side just after Discord’s first reign. A little further up the stairs on the right, Twilight approached another window receded into the wall and lit the same way. This one was another moment of history immortalized in glass, another time and place from times long since forgotten. The alcoves continued all the way up the stairs and Twilight approached each one reverently.
After a while Twilight reached an alcove that caused her to stop completely. The window showed her, ascending from the unicorn she once was to an alicorn. A tear rolled down her cheek as she placed a hoof gently against the glass, things had been so much simpler back then, back before she became what she was today. She opened her mouth as though to speak but closed it instead and moved on to the next window.
A few windows later Twilight stopped again and smiled nostalgically. The window showed six ponies around a table marked with her symbol. Twilight lifted her hoof and kissed the tip of it before placing it against one of the ponies at the table; she then repeated the motion for each of the ponies at the table before moving on to the doors at the stop of the stairs.
The doors here were a deep blue set of marble doors with crescent moon handles. Twilight closed her eyes and reached out a shaky hoof to grasp the door handle. The door opened, ushering in a gentle breeze that carried a hint of Night in its soft caress. With a gentle sigh, she slowly opened her eyes. In front of her was a large flat marble platform depicting crescent moon with the sun nestled in its curve. On her left stood a tall white marble tower outlined in gold with a golden sun in its center. To the left an identical tower but colored dark blue and outlined in silver with a silver moon at the center.
With hesitant steps Twilight approached the two celestial bodies laid out in the stone and took a seat, her mind a whirl of thoughts and memories. Turning her head she gazed out over the blue marble stone and the glittering stars adorning the sky behind it. A smile touched her lips and she lowered her head in reverence. For a brief moment all was still then the mare moved her gaze to the other stone. Swirls of oranges, reds and golds danced around the radiant sun that framed the marker and again all was still as she let her head hang low. Twilight lifted her head and turned her eyes to the sky above. A sunset and a dusk bled together above, beautiful purples swirled together with vibrant oranges and reds as clouds drifted by, graced by the light of the sun and cast in gold before shifting to darker blues and purples as they wandered into the night and the purple alicorns eyes drifted closed. This timeless place was still and silent as the mare swam through her memories of days long past.
As her mind wandered through the past, the stillness of her body was broken. A gentle smile would tug at her lips and her head would move ever so slightly side to side— but just as quickly as the smile had begun her face would darken. Her mane would grow longer and lose shine as streaks of oranges and reds swept through as it whipped back and forth as if caught in a storm. Then a smile would almost peek through before the sadness took hold and everything fell. Her mane went limp and her head hung lower as the corners of her eyes grew moist.Twilight lifted her head and took a deep calming breath as fear passed over her face for a moment, then she was still once more. She held head high and her shoulders stiff, a regal pose.
Her face slowly lowered as the clip clop of hooves reached her ears; and she sighed heavily. “Cadence?” Silence greeted her and she turned to see, finding two ponies looking about the memorial. For a moment she smiled, “I’m sorry but this is...” her smile faded and she tilted her head. “How are you here? The magics here are enough to kill any normal pony.”
The two ponies approached her slowly, and with each step they seemed to grow a little more until they stood just in front of Twilight and looked into her eyes. “We are...more than ponies.”
Twilight opened her mouth and closed itas she noticed the wings on their backs ruffle. She attempted to gaze further to view them more clearly, yet the harder she stared the blurrier the two ponies would become. She could tell one was a dark blue, almost black male alicorn while his companion was a pure white more blinding than Celestia herself had ever been. Both had manes that flowed in an invisible wind, but the colors eluded Twilight. They seemed to move through all the spectrums possible while staying the same color the whole time.
Twilight faltered for moment as she tried to make sense of the two ponies. She could feel it in her bones, in her very soul that these two were more than she could ever hope to understand. “Who...who are you?” She managed to ask after a few moments.
They both tilted their heads in opposite directions at the same time for moment before they spoke up. “We are...Mother.” The female spoke first then the male spoke up at the exact moment the female finished, “And we are...Father.”
Twilight blinked and furrowed her brow. “Are you, their mother and father?” She waved a wing towards the two marble markers.
Mother and Father spoke at the same time, their voices joining in perfect harmony. “Yes, and no. We are not Mother or Father as you know them but we are. We have always been and we will always be.” They paused and looked at each other then back to the bewildered alicorn standing before them.
“We are Night.”
“We are Day.”
“We are Death.”
“We are Life.”
“We are all that Is.”
“All that was.”
“All that will be.”
“All that was never meant to be.”
Their voices rejoined each other in haunting convergence. “And, we are all that should have Been. We are the caretakers of everything that was, will be, could be. When it began we watched and then we raised it, we are the Mother and the Father in name and heart.”
Twilight took a moment to collect her thoughts before she spoke again. “So why are you here then?”
They both smiled sadly. “They...” The both motioned to a stone. “They were our...daughters. We wished to visit them one last time.”
Twilight’s ears folded back and she lowered herself to the ground. “I’m sorry.”
The Two turned their eyes to alicorn cowering in sadness before them. “There is nothing to be sorry for. Everything must end...” The distinct sound of a tear hitting the ground echoed around the plateau. Father looked down to it with a frown. “Perhaps we are sad.”
Twilight shivered as she looked up. “Have you never been sad before?”
The two looked at eachother for a long silent moment before Mother spoke. “It is...rare for us. We have lost before and we have been...forlorn, but never have we been lost like this. You hold them in your chest, not letting them truly die and we can feel what you feel through this. It...” Mother trailed off and Father spoke up. “It makes us feel like we have not before. This is foreign to us, this sadness you show us.”
Twilight looked at them, a frown on her lips as she stepped forward. “I truly am sorry. I...I have no excuse. I have no way to show you how sorry I truly am.” Twilight sighed as she stepped away again. “I let my heart fester in sorrow and pain and it allowed something to be born inside me. Because of that I went down the same road as Luna but I did what she could not. I learned the dark secrets of every enemy that ever gave them trouble and used it against them. The sorrow that consumed me consumed my friends, my family, the world, everything. Now that sorrow is hurting even more.”
Mother and Father shook their heads in opposite directions. “It does not hurt us, it is new and foreign but not unwelcome. We think it is why we came to see them again, or perhaps a greater power called us to this place.” Their heads tilted to the side and they seemed to smile. “Perhaps you're yearning brought us here, your desire to fix your mistake.”
Twilight looked at them with a mixture of hope and sadness. “Can you....” Her question trailed off and her shoulder slumped. “No, I would doubt you could. It has been proven to be impossible, I tried for a time but it’s simply not possible.”
Mother and Father smiled warmly at Twilight. “And if we could?”
Twilight’s mouth fell open and her ears shot up. “If you could...if you could....” Twilight turned to look at Celestia’s grave stone. “I would do everything I could to make sure this didn’t happen. I would be willing to start over from the very beginning, just for the chance to see them all again.”
“Especially her.” Twilight nodded, her eyes never leaving Celestia’s marker. “If we could do this would you be willing to bear the burden of knowing this future and all you have done? Would you be willing to live each day knowing that it could lead to this outcome again? Could you bear the burden alone?”
Twilight tore her gaze from the white marble and looked back at the alicorn gods. “I...alone, yes. I would bear this burden a thousand times over by myself if it meant I could prevent. I would swear to the highest powers you know that I would keep what I know of the future secret. I would swear to forfeit my life if I found myself going down this road again, I would give up everything just to know that this was prevented.”
Mother and Father looked at each other in silence for several minutes before turning back to Twilight. “You will not have to give everything up, just promise to bear this burden alone and one other thing.” Twilight cocked her head to the side. “Stay by their side. Especially Celestia. She has closed her heart to the world she protects and we want you to open it again. Help Luna open her heart and then care for it, protect it in the way we cannot. Can you do this? Can you promise that no matter what form it may take you will never leave her side and you will protect and heal her broken heart?”
Twilight nodded vigorously, a smile creeping onto her face. “I...I don’t know what to say. Of course I will cherish her heart. I swear I will help heal it and then I will protect it as I carry the burden of this future.”
Father spoke alone this time. “Do you truly understand what it means to bear the burden alone? You cannot ever change the events leading to your ascension and afterwards you must tread lightly until you know this future is gone. You will always carry the shadow of this future in your heart and it will eat at you, trying to bring about this future until you can find a way to destroy it.”
Twilight smiled, almost proudly. “I know, but I already know how to destroy the shadow of this world. Even if she rejects me I love her and as such being by her side after so long knowing I caused her end will be more than enough. To see her alive and to know I will be one who protects her heart is more than I could have ever hoped for.” Twilight lifted a hoof as Mother went to speak. “Please, I may not understand the burden completely but I am willing to bear it for an eternity if just for a chance to correct what I have done. I hope that we can meet again someday, under more cheerful times.”
They both smiled happily. “Then we will do it. We will use our magic and the combined magic in you and send you back to the beginning and from there we will watch you. We will watch you grow and learn from this mistake and those you have yet to make and have made but forgotten.”
With their words said they both smiled gently and Twilight felt her eyelids grow heavy as a soft lullaby teased her ears, just barely audible. She slowly lowered herself to the ground and curled up, her chin resting on her forehooves with her eye’s facing the white marble gravestone. Twilight yawned and smiled as her eyes closed and she whispered, “I’m coming Tia.”
~ ~ ~
Twilight’s eyes fluttered open as she yawned. She smiled contently as she looked around her room in the library. Applejack was in a corner with her hat over her eyes, Rarity was on the foot of her bed curled up in a tight ball, Rainbow’s tail hung down from a rafter, Pinkie was flopped over by the stairs with a lampshade on her head, Fluttershy’s tail stuck out from under the bed, Luna rested next to Twilight and on her otherside was a warm spot from another pony. Twilight couldn’t help but at all her friends just as she remembered them.
As she looked around a dream bubbled to the surface of her mind, a dream of Mother and Father and something they had told her. Twilight shook her head and tried to remember, and slowly it came back to her. A tear trailed down her cheek as it all hit her. Pulling herself quietly from the bed she looked around again and saw Celestia on the balcony watching the sunrise. Twilight slipped silently across the room, carefully placing each hoof as though treading through a glassy pond, not daring to disturb the perfect reflection around her. She paused at the end of the bed and looked at each of her friends again.
Twilight’s hoof shakily reached out and stroked Rarity’s cheek like it was made of glass and a tear ran down her cheek as the warmth of Rarity’s cheek seeped into her hoof. Gently she pulled away and moved toward the balcony, pausing for a moment to adjust Pinkie’s lampshade so it wouldn’t fall off. Slipping through the door to the balcony Twilight took a seat beside Celestia and leaned in close, rubbing her cheek and nose against the downy feathers she had missed so much.
Celestia stiffened for a moment before leaning over and nuzzling Twilight. “Good morning Twilight. I hope you slept well, I know I did. It feels so good to have Luna back, I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for returning her to me.”
Twilight nuzzled into the warm white barrel she was pressed against. “You don’t need to thank me Tia...” Twilight froze for a brief moment before stuttering a quick apology. “I’m sorry Princess, it just slipped out.”
Celestia was silent, her face a blank mask of serenity. After a brief moment it cracked into a wide grin and she chuckled. “I don’t mind Twilight, it’s...refreshing. What brought it on though, you have never before called me something so informal.”
Twilight shifted against Celestia’s side. “I...I realized yesterday how much you mean to me. When you sent me here to Ponyville I was devastated, but it made me realize that you might mean a little more to me than I thought. Later when I was running through the forest with my friends I couldn’t help but think of you again. When I was facing Nightmare Moon I couldn’t help but think of how much it would mean to me if I could return your sister to you.” Twilight grew silent and lowered her head and laid her ears back.
Celestia looked up at the clouds in the sky. “You must know Twilight, I cannot return those feelings.”
Twilight smiled and thought to herself Not right now. Maybe someday before she spoke up confidently. “I know that right now you can’t. I know that I might never have the chance to have those feelings returned but it’s enough for me to just be here like this.” Twilight sighed sadly. “Be here by your side, leaning against you for comfort and strength. Someday I want to be strong enough for you to lean against me but for now I am content to lean on you. If you truly want to thank me for your sisters return let me have this. Let me visit you in Canterlot, come visit me here in Ponyville.” Twilight pulled away from Celestia and moved to stand in front of her. “Stop looking at me like a student of yours and instead look at me like a friend, like somepony who is your equal even if I am still young and still learning what it is to be a friend. Let me be there for you like I know you will be there for me.”
Celestia stared at Twilight flabbergasted for a moment. “I think perhaps I have underestimated you Twilight. I thought I sent you here to learn about friendship but it seems somewhere you learned a lot about it while I wasn’t looking. I can’t claim to know what happened in the forest or what happened with the elements but something happened to you, you have changed overnight it seems.” Twilight shrunk back and bit her lip. “But that is okay. I think I can grant your wish, I will come visit you from time to time, here your friendship reports directly from you rather than by letter only. I would also like it if you did come to the castle now and again to visit.”
Twilight let out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding. “Thank you Princess. You have no idea how much this means to me. I look forward to our future friendship, perhaps one day we can expand on it but I know that right now that is asking too much.” Twilight leaned in and gave Celestia a hug which Celestia returned by wrapping her forehooves and wings around the small purple mare.
“If you continue to grow as it seems you have overnight then perhaps one day I will let you in.” She whispered it to herself as a tear fell down her cheek. “Perhaps you really are the one I have been hoping for.”
Twilight pretended not to hear the whisper but on the inside a small part of her lit up and a shadow was extinguished.