To live or die in Equestria?

by ward282

First published

After the events of "Equestria has Fallen", Thunderer tries to adapt to his new life but it won't be easy. Thunderer can remember everything, the pain drives him to madness he considers ending it all but will a Princess change his mind

The sequel to Equestria has Fallen.

Thunderer awakes in the new Equestria to find himself in Princess Lunas' tower. The Princess of the Night knows everything, everything Thunderers' experienced, everything he's seen and everything he's felt. So its no surprise when she hears that Thunderer wants to end it all, its up to Luna to dissuade the pegasus from committing suicide. Will Thunderer feel the same way? He has nothing, no one to live for and is at a loss for what to do with his life, he's been accused of treason and terrorism.

So Luna will give him a week to decide.

Day One

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"Thunderer, there will always be constants and variables. Whatever you do will change everything that has happened and only you will remember it all, but in some cases they will still happen."

"I'm sorry Time Turner." Thunderer said quietly.

A tear rolled down his right eye it was an odd sensation, as Thunderer focussed his senses he was aware that he was lying on his side. Around his metal wings he could feel the soft duvet that was wrapped around him. He slowly opened his eyes and brought up a hoof to wipe the tear from his eye. He was no longer wearing the pegasi combat armour. Thunderer saw that he was lying in a bed, a nice soft bed, it had been years since he'd last felt this comfy. He stretched his legs out and rotated onto his back.

A tall dark blue alicorn was standing next to him. Thunderer leapt out the bed in fright but the alicorn held the pegasus in a magical grasp.

"Princess Luna!" He exclaimed.

She looked so different than when they'd met, and then it hit him. His face dropped and his mood deflated as he recalled what had happened.

The tesseract worked. I did it! Time Turner and I did it. We broke Starswirls' forbidden spell.

It was then that Thunderer was lowered to the ground but then he recalled all the other events. He slumped to the floor as the Princess stood over him.

"They're all dead." Thunderer said quietly.

"Dear subject I am Princess Luna, you are being held here on account of terrorism and planning to commit regicide." Luna said.

"Wait Luna-!"

"That is Princess Luna to you changeling." She said.

"Wait, I'm not a changeling my name is Thunderer you assigned me to work undercover and protect the Royal Pegasus Armour." Thunderer explained.

That was three years ago now and yet here and now, that only happened yesterday.

"You are no Thunderer you are a changeling, you tried to infiltrate the chapel to set off a bomb, when the guards caught you you threw the device using some kind of changeling magic." Luna explained not listening to Thunderer.

Thunderer recalled setting up the shield generator. He was dying then, in his last breath he threw the tesseract through a portal so no one else could use it.

"I.... I.... Luna that's not..." Tears formed in Thunderers eyes.

"Quiet changeling and change to your original form, it is unwise to test me today. I just found out that one of my Royal Guards died trying to protect the Pegasus armour and you have the nerve to take his form."

The changeling known as True Endeavour had tried to fight Thunderer in Trottingham and had gone through the portal with him. Thunderer had managed to convince True Endeavour to find the weapons vault and kill the past-Thunderer buying present-Thunderer enough time to set off the shield generator.

"Princess Luna, I cannot explain this easily but I AM that pony. You and I have spoke before. I need you to believe me!" Thunderer pleaded.

Princess Luna laughed. "And why should I believe you?"

"Because I can do this."

Thunderer stood on his rear hooves, he opened his forehooves out like he was about to embrace the Princess. The room they were in only had the bed and the doorway to the stairs, but other than that there was a small window. Outside the window the pegasus armour flew to him. The DNA receiver he'd designed were still working even though at the present time it would be two years before he'd build them. The armour demolished the wall and began to fold itself around Thunderer.

Two guards burst into the room to protect the Princess but they gasped in unison as the pony before them transformed. The chest plate had been the first to attach itself. It folded around Thunderer and the twin cannons popped out ready for combat. Then came the flank plates, followed by the legs, then the gauntlets and finally the helmet.

"Princess." One of the guards said. "That is the Silver Pegasus I was talking about, he saved us."

Princess Luna turned to guards.

"Get me Thunderer!" She shouted and they quickly dashed outside.

Thunderer went to all fours and removed the helmet, the computer screen inside was damaged and the technology to repair it didn't exist yet. Luna turned to him.

"How can you exist? You are dead! I held you in my hooves after the changeling attack!" Luna brought up a shield around Thunderer.

"Princess I know you can see into ponies dreams and into their memories. If you read mine you will find your answers." Thunderer explained.

Luna stepped forward charging her horn.

"But I warn you, you will not like what you see so I can share my burden with you but I cannot take it away."

Luna hesitated.

"And what exactly do you intend to show me?"

"Princess Luna, without my intervention in the chapel, without me setting off that shield generator; you would of lost."

Luna touched her horn against the bubble. Thunderer could feel the memories replay in his head.

Coming through the portal, holding Trottingham, Fluttershys' kiss, assembling the Elements of Harmony, designing The Grid, destroying Tartarus, destroying Canterlot, the torture.


Luna took her horn off the bubble Thunderer was trapped in and lowered the bubble itself. She looked sad. Thunderer started to take off the armour and place it on the bed. His fur was scarred all over and there was burn mark under his left eye. There was a knock at the door and two unicorns entered carrying a sheeted mass. The sheet had patches of red all over it.

"What is that?" Thunderer asked.

"It is you, Thunderer." Luna replied and used her magic to open the sheet.

Thunderer looked at his past self lying on the floor in front of him. The body was lifeless and a sword had evidently been thrust through the throat. His past self looked like him, they had the exact same metal wings but his past self didn't have any scars. His past self had never felt that pain and that made Thunderer happy, but why wasn't he dead too. If he'd died in the past then he should be dead too. He recalled the conversation of String Theory with Time Turner.

"Imagine this string is a timeline and lets tie a knot in this and call it Event A. In some cases Event A changes the course of history". He untied the knot and retied it. "But in some cases Event A bears no effect." Time Turner pulled the string and it unknotted itself.

"I cannot explain why you are here and it will be difficult to explain to my sister. As far she is concerned you tried to set off that device, failed and tried to rob the weapons vault. That's where you were killed, however to thank you for your service I can grant you one wish. Anything you desire."

Truth was, Thunderer only had one wish. He had no purpose in life now and everyone thought he was dead. The Bearers of Harmony wouldn't know who he was and at this point in time he and Time Turner were quite distant.

"Princess Luna, I only want one thing. I want to die."

Day Two

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Thunderer was moved that night to another room in the tower, the guards who moved him gave him daggers. It was no surprise given that he'd inadvertently punched a massive hole into the tower wall. The room he was moved into was no different to the one he'd woken up in. It was a three-sided room, with two walls being straight and the final wall being the outer wall which was curved.

Thunderer set the two armour suits up against the curved wall, he stared at both of them, they were both similar with the exception of the younger one. To Thunderer it was three years ago that he'd gone undercover to expose the thieves but to everypony else this was yesterday. Thunderer looked at the replica he'd made all those years ago. The left cannon was missing and the scorch mark was still present on the neck, he instinctively raised a hoof to touch his left eye. The burn was still there too. He looked over the replica and prodded the small hole that had been made when the cannon struck him. He then looked over to the actual Royal Pegasus Armour, its silver gleamed brightly in the moonlight. Thunderer lifted his right hoof and made the motion he'd practised, in an instant the right leg of the armour pulled away from the suit and flew straight to Thunderer, it clipped onto his hoof and secured itself in place.

He sighed, he should feel good, he'd changed everything that should have occurred, but instead he felt sad. He pulled out the coin Time Turner had given him and flipped it over.

"If you go through you'll go back in time, if you prevent all of this. Then everything that has happened will never occur, not quite all of it but enough to change the course of time. Take this coin, when you go through the portal it will change."

"Why?" Thunderer had asked.

"Constants and variables, something has to change otherwise the universe screws up, that's why this spell is forbidden. If you go back and change something, something will change with you. I'd rather it was this coin than you."

Sure enough the coin had changed, instead of the profile of Celestia and her cutie mark on the other side, the coin was her cutie mark on both sides. He placed the coin on the table and then went back to the armour. He pulled out Twilight Sparkles' throwing knife, the same one he'd given her when they'd left Trottingham, her cutie mark decorated the hilt, this was all he had to remind him of her.

There was a gentle knock at the door.

"Enter." Thunderer called and set down the knife.

It was Princess Luna who entered.

"I have spoken with my sister on the matter. I have not told her what you showed me, there are some things beyond Celestias' comprehension. She has reduced the sentence to imprisonment, that was the best offer I could get, I understand you wish to die but there are other options."

"What options are they? Everypony I got to know is dead, if I try speaking to them now it'll be too strange and I won't move over the fact they're dead."

"We could erase your memory, there is a machine that can do that."

"No! I want to die."

"Thunderer, erasing your memory will allow you start fresh, a new life, new friends and a new love."

"Will Celestia not imprison me?"

"Not if you can't remember what you did or didn't do."

"Then I will consider it." Thunderer said.

"Perhaps an evening out will help you decide." Luna offered.


It was good to fly again, it had been years since Thunderer could fly freely without worrying about changelings. He soared through the air as he and Luna headed towards the concert hall. The flight was short but Thunderer enjoyed stretching out his wings, he could see the destruction below him as they flew. They arrived at the concert hall which was largely intact. Luna cloacked herself using a spell and a younger looking Luna stood before him, minus the horn which had disappeared.

Inside the concert hall few ponies had gathered into the seats, Thunderer stopped at the poster for the concert. It was Octavia Melody who was playing tonight.

"I must be with her Thunderer!" She said with tears in her eyes. *BANG* Her body slumped the ground and the gun clattered with her.

Thunderer winced at the thought and hoped Luna hadn't seen him. She had and she placed a hoof on his shoulder.

"Tell me about erasing my memory."

"There is a device that takes your memories and stores them, you can choose to keep them or store them forever. You can wipe everything but if you do, you won't ever truly forget you'll see flashes of the past, events that occurred but they won't bother you."

"I think I want to do that, I'm not sure I want to die that much, just to forget everything."

"I can do that." Luna said, "we can do it tomorrow morning, let us enjoy this concert first."

The concert was tough, Thunderer spent most of it with tears in his eyes but Octavias' music was so beautiul that nopony noticed. Tomorrow would be his last day for him in this life and that brought a smile to his face.