Twilightlicous
Twilight didn't know why, but things were working perfectly in Ponyville for once. Usually some new problem would spring up with her friends about once a week like clock work and Twilight would have to stop studying and solve the problem. Be it a hurricane without enough power, capitalism in action at Sweet Apple Acres, or worst of all, a hurricane with too much power Twilight was always at the front of the issue. Sometimes it seemed like the only times she ever saw her friends it was in a task force to solve the newest crisis facing Equestria.
This was why Twilight was so happy when Pinkie invited her over to Sugarcube Corner for lunch. Today they could talk without a breakdown. No deadlines or personal crisis were looming over Pinkie's head or anypony else today! In fact, things were even better than that as when Twilight walked into the bakery, all her friends were waiting for her. They weren't smiling yet which could have only meant they realized Twilight was tardy and assumed she wasn't coming. Twilight mentally scolded herself for smelling a few roses on the way over, especially the one she ate. If she had one flaw it was her rampant lateness, sometimes coming in at almost a minute behind schedule.
"Twilight, you've got a problem" Applejack said, blunt and to the point. They still weren't smiling, but this was of course understandable. Rarity and Applejack were standing beside their table while Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy floated over top. Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen, but the frequent crashes from the kitchen were enough of a clue as to where she was.
"Girls, I am so sorry and I hope you guys can forgive me! I was tempted by a rose," Twilight said, blushing in shame," it was a momentary lapse in judgement. Don't worry though, I still remember my lesson from the whole Smarty pants debacle. Never be late."
"Twilight dear, that's not why were here." Rarity said stepping forward. "Also, I really think you need to remember that day a bit closer." Twilight was confused. If they weren't mad about her being late, then what could she have done?
"Uhm, Twilight, don't take this the wrong way, but we need to talk about your new friends." Fluttershy said. It was as obvious she had prepared that line in advance as it was obvious she didn't want to be here. Conflict wasn't her forte, and as such she was just doing what the other girls had told her to do.
"Wait, what new friends? As callous as this sounds, your going to need to be more specific." Twilight said, trying to wrap her mind around what was going on. It was starting to make sense at least, Twilight had tried a lot of new things recently that her friends might have objections to.
"You know what Twi? How about you tell us what's going on. I haven't been in town too much recently with all the business at the farm right now, and from what I have seen I've no idea what you've been up to. What are you doing?" Applejack said calmly, trying to get into Twilight's mindset.
"Ok, well it's actually pretty simple. I don't know if you guys know this, but you guys aren't just my best friends. Your basically my first. And ever since we all met my life has gotten more chaotic, more complicated and more crazy than it has ever been. And I've loved every minute of it." Twilight let a smile cross her lips as she looked sincerely at her friends; the girls looked back with more cautious smiles.
"So one day I figured if this all happened with the first ponies I really met, why don't I try and get some more friends? So that's exactly what I tried after I referred to my seventh edition of the Friendship Compendium. I realized then that I had quite the surplus of best friends, and maybe I should try to diversify to other types of friends. So that's when I became friends with benefits with Rarity!"
"And for the fortieth time Twilight, I believe that getting to use my spa membership is a different benefit than what you're implying."
"But I felt horrible about it, taking advantage of Rarity like that."
"Really Twilight, you need to think about what your saying." Rarity chimed in again.
"You could say that meeting up with Rarity for some benefits ruined my entire day." Twilight said, making sure to hammer home her point. Rarity for her part managed to restrain her anger to teeth grinding. Grinding that got a lot less subtle as Rainbow continued to chuckle. "So I decided to try another type of friendship, the frenemy.I have no idea how you can pull that one off, whenever I tried what the book said on new ponies they just hated me! So I just moved on to the last type in my book, gangs."
"Ahh, there's the problem." Remarked AJ. "Now refresh my memory Rainbow, which gang did Twilight end up joining? Was it the pimping ponies? The Cutie Mark Kings? The Pastel punishers?"
"Actually, it's the bloods." Rainbow replied matter of factually. Rainbow had grown up in Cloudsdale, and things were different up in the clouds. Suffice to say, a lot of ponies ended up "walking with the squirrels" in the seedier parts of Cloudsdale. Applejack was a lot less accustomed to this type of behavior, and it showed as her hat literally jumped off her head.
"Well duh! Why would I be in any gang but the bloods? Those other guys deserve a "shank in the back" as Lefty puts it." Even if Twilight assumed shank meant a type of kick, she still meant that about the other gangs. From what Lefty and the Boss had been saying, those other gangs sounded like a collection of punks and nare-do-wells.
"Who in tarnation are Lefty and the Boss?" Applejack asked Twilight, her calm and in control demeanor evaporating like rain on a barbecue. Twilight was all to happy to answer however.
"Oh, they're my new friends! I met Lefty when I was walking over to the boutique to pick up some dresses. I saw him waking this guy up. It was nothing big, he called it a shakedown. It worked though, that guy was wide awake by the end of it! It was like he wasn't even sleeping in the first place, but then there would have been no reason to nudge him when he was lying on the ground. I asked him if he wanted to make a gang, and you wouldn't believe his luck! He was talking about how he was in dire need of some Unicorn muscle and that he already had a gang!"
"Twilight, do you even know what Unicorn muscle is?" Rainbow Dash asked, her hoof firmly placed over her forehead.
"It's a rather flirtatious compliment if I had to guess. I wasn't going to tell you gals, but I think I might have a chance with Lefty. Anyhoot, he walked me back to his hangout and we met the Boss. He's nothing special, I think his Cutie mark is like a metal dental floss. When I asked him about it he just laughed and told me I wouldn't want to know. Isn't that great? We've already got a repartee!"
"Twilight, can you just listen to us for one second!" Applejack said, her nerves getting frayed with every minute of Twilight's obliviousness. "These new friends of yours, this gang, isn't good news. In fact, I'm almost certain that their an organized-"
"Organized? Pshaaw, they've got nothing! I have to keep balancing the books for them. Half the time they don't even get any money they just go and play baseball with our clients. They don't even bring a ball those silly geese!"
"Twilight, for the smartest pony in Ponyville I have sacks of Apples that can outwit you. Listen, these guys are bad news!"
"Yousa got somethang to say to us?" Lefty said as he sauntered into Sugarcube Corner Lefty was a light brown Earth Pony with a Cutie Mark of a a gun. Nobody knew that as guns obviously don't exist, but it was still rather intimidating. Behind him came the Boss, a gargantuan Pegasus slightly taller than Big Macintosh himself. It would have been completely silent in the bakery if Twilight hadn't leaped over to give Lefty a hug.
"Lefty! How are you doing!" Twilight said, her eyes partially lovestruck.
"Shut up fool." Twilight did just that, not before winking at Rarity to show off a little. Rarity had a few other things on her mind though. "Where's the pink one? It's he first of the month, and you know what that means." Pinkie very slowly walked out of the back of the bakery at this point, her head held low and shaking.
"I'm sorry Lefty, I don't have the protection money this month." She said with a fake smile and darting eyes.
"Pinkie! How could you? How's Lefty supposed to support his family if you welch on the deal?"
"C'mon!" Rainbow Dash sighed in disbelief.
"I know eh?" Twilight replied, completely misinterpreting Rainbow's emotion.
"Twi, Pinkie's not paying these bullies anything. And if they have something they want to say about it, they can take it up with us."
"Look, if yous don't have no money, I'm going to have to break your legs, if ya know what I mean." That comment was so not subtle even Twilight should have figured it out, if she wasn't thinking about her upcoming marriage with a stallion who used allusions. What a catch. Instead, Pinkie screamed, Rarity and Fluttershy ducked, Applejack bucked and the whole corner turned to complete chaos. It was quite possibly the most exciting Tuesday Caramel had ever had as he slowly ate his cheese danish in the corner.
That Danish was fantastic, crumbly and cheesy in just the right ways. It made Caramel's mouth water as he thought about it. The cheese was 6 years aged and boy did it show. Caramel would remember that meal for years, if only for the taste. Eventually though he had to take his last bite and politely leave the restaurant.
By this point Pinkie was drinking Coco from her blanket, still shivering while everyone else just tried to calm down. The cops had came a few minutes ago and take the gang away. Twilight felt horrible and was the first to try and break the ice.
"Well, this is going to make a great Friendship Report!"
"You sided with them up until Lefty kicked me in the face!" Pinkie said, still sort of in shock from the fight.
"Yeah, and I said I was sorry! C'mon we all make mistakes! What about when Fluttershy and Rarity didn't speak to each other honestly about Fluttershy's modelling? Nobody's perfect."
"That's not comparable." Fluttershy said, taking the ice bag off of her eye. "Not by a long shot."
"Aww c'mon guys, someday we'll all look back at the time Twilight joined a ganag and laugh about it!" Twilight said as her friends all just sighed.
"Thanks for writing all that down Twilight, but I'm still not laughing about it" Rainbow Dash said two weeks later. "I mean, it happened to me in real life so I'm a bit biased, but even if it were fiction you're totally OOC.
"Damn."