Don't be a player hater
There were four ponies sitting around a table, thinking about what to do about their situation.
One was a tan stallion who had a combed mane and a 70's mustache. He had a red suit on along with a blue tie. His cutie mark was a jazz flute.
Another was a gray furred, gray-maned stallion, with short cut facial hair. He wore a black suit and tie, and was sitting on a couch for some reason. His cutie mark was a suit and tie.
There was a mare who had a short blonde mane, and was peach colored. She was wearing a Green Hay shirt, and her cutie mark was a pizza slice. She was actually eating a slice of cheese pizza right now.
The last one looked important. He was a light tan stallion, who had gray sideburns and a brown mane. He had a short little mustache over his lips, and smoked a cigar. He wore a vest, and his cutie-mark was a symbol of what appeared to be Spider-Man with an X over it.
"Alright!" the pony spoke "We need pictures! Pictures of Spider-Man!"
"Bugle, we told you already. Spider-Man is just a myth." the mare said, rolling her eyes.
"Then I need stories Evergreen! Stories of Spider-Man!"
"By the beard of Zeus Bugle, you are obsessed." the red-suited stallion said.
"What can I say Jazz Burgundy? He's a menace. And he needs to be stopped."
Suddenly, an idea clicked in his mind, giving him an evil grin.
"And I know JUST the pony to do it!"
He quickly left the table, leaving the others with confused looks on their faces.
Except for the gray stallion, who was just smiling on his couch for no reason at all.
"You're gonna like the way you look." he finally spoke. "I guarantee it."
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It was just a normal day for Twilight. After curb stomping Lord Tirek, she was trotting down Ponyville happily.
Suddenly, a bright orb appeared in front of her.
She looked in awe and wonder, as the orb began to get bigger and bigger.
Twilight immediately went to defense mode, as she got her spells ready.
Then, the orb flashed brightly, and disappeared. In it's place, stood a tall, lanky man. He had gray hair, and the face that is probably as recognizable as Bill Nye's, depending on whether or not people actually watch TV.
Twilight was a bit afraid of the tall, ape-like creature.
"Um....hello?" she asked. "My name is Twilight Sparkle..."
The man stared at her, then frowned.
"Hold on. I gotta wait." he replied.
Suddenly, intro music started playing, as some guy named Jess began to speak.
"And here he is, the man who presents us with the videos that make us cry in a good way, Tom Bergeron!"
Suddenly, a screen appeared out of nowhere, as Tom shadow danced behind it. It lifted to show him once more, smiling.
"Hello everybody!" he spoke. "And welcome to AFV..."
"Um, Mr. Bergeron, what's AFV?"
He walked towards her with his mic, which also appeared out of nowhere.
"Now, here at AFV, our audience not only supply us with our videos, but also, information. What's your name?" he asked, pointing the mic to her face.
"I told you already, my name is Twilight Sparkle."
A laugh track played, as Bergeron stared at the camera.
"Okay. Didn't know people would take the Twilight books as their name. So tell me Twilight, where is Spider-Man?"
Twilight gave him a confused look.
"Spider-Man? That's just an urban legend."
Suddenly, a badly drawn Spider-Man appeared. His neck was unnaturally elongated, and his mask was inexplicably hairy.
Tom stood up and glared at him.
"Spider-Man. We meet again. For the last time!"
"lel." the Spider-Man said.
"Stay back Twilight, let a real man handle this."
Suddenly, he ripped open his suit to reveal a rock-hard eight pack, and massive muscles. His biceps were bigger than Twilight's head, and his thighs grew too.
"Yu r an fagit." Spider-Man said.
"Do not try to hide your true identity from me...SPODERMAN!" Tom yelled.
"K." Spoderman said. They both leaped up and fought a battle that expanded through ALL of Equestria. It blocked out the sun, as Tom's enormous biceps created a solar eclipse.
Tom then decided to pull his trump card.
He put his hands together, as a sword crafted from the souls of the undead water devils extended out.
"Supuuuuuu...."
His sword began to glow, as he charged his attack.
"KAMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
He sliced Spoderman in half, his sword moving faster than the speed of Eminem's Rap God song.
"O shite." Spoderman said, coughing out blood. "Im ded."
Spoderman dissolved, as his soul retreated back to the pits of Tartarus.
Tom breathed heavily, as he slowly floated down, until he touched the ground.
Then, in the blink of an eye, he was back to normal again. His suit seemed to look like it was unaffected.
Twilight stared in amazement. Then ran like a fan-girl to him.
"I WANT YOUR BABIES!" she yelled.
"And the winner, and tonight's funniest home video is..."
A drum-roll sounded, as he opened the envelope.
As Twilight nearly reached him, he disappeared.
Twilight looked around, then began to sob.
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"Dog Days of Summer! Sent in by Andrew Morris and Christina Huckaby, from Memphis, Tennesee!"
"Son of a bitch!" Celestia complained. "That one wasn't even funny!"
"Just let it go Tia. These are reruns from the 90's. They were stupid back then." Luna said, wrapping her hooves around Celestia.
"If I had a time machine, I swear..."
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"Yes! I did it! Spider-Man is gone!" Bugle yelled in victory. He jumped up and down, whooping.
Suddenly, he stopped and thought.
"Huh. Now what?"
Burgundy paid no attention, as he played jazz flute.
Evergreen began to bloat, as she ordered yet another pizza.
"MORE!" she yelled.
The gray pony was still fucking there, smiling his creepy ass smile.
"You're gonna like the way you look." he said again.
"I guarantee it."
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