Data File 01: Location Unknown
I fell, metal clanging and tree branches snapping as I plummeted through a forest canopy, to land flat on my back, my vision flickering incessantly like a bad video connection. I struggled to my feet, stumbling as my legs sent feedback to my brain that felt like my lower limbs had gained an extra joint somewhere. I lifted a hand up, and touched my face to take off the helmet I had made for my costume, blinking wearily from my fall. My hand grabbed one of the ridges I had put in the back for emergency removal, and I tugged. Instead of my helmet coming off, however, I instead jerked my head forward uselessly. I shook myself, still not fully registering the light clang and gentle scrape of metal on metal as I moved. I put both hands to either side of my head, and tried to pull my helmet off. Instead, it felt like I was pulling my own ears off. I stopped, and finally caught a glimpse of my hands as they fell to my sides. I lifted them back up, and stared.
Four, not five, slender little digits waggled back at me. I touched the tips to one another, feeling the sensation of pressure against them as if they were my own, instead of gloved like they had been. I then followed my fingers up my arms, noting the long, flat panelling that now made up my upper limbs, and the decidedly metallic sheen and perfectly-depicted Decepticon emblem on my upper arms, barely noticeable from my perspective, but still not what I had put there. Mine was never that nice. I then looked down the rest of my body, noting the sharp pointy bits making up my chest, and the fact that my legs did, in fact, have a new joint in them. I tested one out by standing on one leg and bending it around, getting used to how the new piece moved. I then looked around at the forest.
It was decidedly not a forest that I had seen anywhere near the convention center. Pasadena definitely didn't have trees like this when I was wandering around lost, that's for sure. Which meant that I was no longer in Pasadena. Which also meant that the abyssal hole that had opened underneath my feet during Botcon's second day had been real. I decided it was a good time to freak out, and allowed my body to fall to the ground, shuddered, convulsing, and rattling in fear.
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy SHIT!! Where the hell am I? What even happened?! I need to find out. Now. Shivering on the ground in a body that isn't even yours isn't how you fix a problem.
Shall I add that to the database, sir?
Who the fuck said that, and how did you get into my head?!?
I believe the designation you have assigned me is 'Laserbeak,' sir.
That didn't just happen. I did not just find out that the prop I bought from some random dude at Botcon is actually a living sentient thing. Which is currently strapped to my chest....
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, YOU'RE STRAPPED TO MY CHEST! GET OFF! GET OFF!!!
I tried to pry the thing off, but it came off on its own, flipping in the air to transform, and floating just in front of me, an identical copy of the one in the show.
Is that preferable, sir?
And yet, it was still in my head. Fortunately, that meant I didn't have to talk out loud and attract even more attention than I undoubtably already had. I took a step back.
It's... a start. Alright, then... Laserbeak. Where the hell are we?
I do not know. I was not alive before a few moments ago. I have no information beyond our abilities, and what I have collected since we appeared in this realm.
Great, I have to deal with a voice in my head, and he doesn't even know anything about my world. Great.
Your silence and stance indicate frustration. Logic determines the source to be my lack of prior information. It is possible for me to create a new data library for myself from your memories, sir.
I jabbed a spindly digit at him.
Hell no! I'm not having some brand-new UAV that I don't know anything about digging through my brain and making copies of everything! I'm not even comfortable with the thought-speak yet!
Yet you appear to have mastered it already, sir.
That's because I'm used to talking to imaginary people in my head! You are not imaginary! You could do any number of things to me!
Actually, sir, I am a fragment of your mind and personality. I am, for all intents and purposes, the physical form of one of your imaginary voices. I am under your control as much as they are, sir.
I stared for a minute. Despite how utterly creepy that sounded, it made sense. How would something become alive without something already living to grow off of?
Alright, fine, I'll accept that for the moment, but you're still not going through my memories. We'll talk about that later. Right now, I have more important things to worry about, like where the hell we landed.
Would you like me to go above the trees and find the shortest route out, sir?
Best idea you've had yet.
The little metal bird gained altitude, and the sound of his wings brushing against leaves on the way up reached my ears.
Actually, that reminds me.
I reached up to my face again, and felt around my head. Yep, no ears. No actual face, either. Just a visor. With a HUD. Oh, here comes another freak out. Yep, back on the ground, shuddering uncontrollably as I realize that I have, in fact, body-snatched Soundwave. I recovered from this one more quickly, though, as I forced myself to think about the positives.
Let's see.... I am now made of metal! Which means it's going to be much harder to get killed, that's good. I'm Soundwave, so I should be able to record and play back anything I hear, so I'm sure I can put that to good use. What else... Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot that. How do I forget, while cosplaying a Transformer, that my character can transform?! Even if it is for only a short time?!
Perhaps something to do with the shock factor, sir?
I physically jumped at the voice, still unaccustomed to having someone else answer my thoughts. I unintentionally took out the slight anger at being taken off-guard so easily on him in my response.
Do you have something to report yet?
Yes, sir. I have located a small village to your northwest. Shall I continue onward?
No, not yet. No point shocking anyone more than we really have to. Better to show up all at once, I think, so they don't start thinking there's an entire army in the trees.
Sound logic, sir.
Don't compliment me if you don't really mean it, Laserbeak.
I attempted to focus my body in an attempt to find my T-cog, which would allow me to transform, but to no avail. Apparently, I was going to need practice. Not too much trouble, though. For now, I would just have to run. Of course, a regular run would never do for a character like Soundwave. No, his design lent itself perfectly to a much more unnatural mode of locomotion: the Ninja Run. I angled my arms back and leant forward, then charged ahead at top speed, which was surprisingly fast. Apparently that extra joint in my legs was for more than just appearance.
I covered the short distance between me and Laserbeak quickly, and looked out at the town, deciding to figure out how to zoom my optics sooner, rather than later. I eventually managed to make my vision telescope, pulling the faraway buildings much closer in my sight. I scanned the town, not yet seeing anything living out and about. I zoomed back out as Laserbeak floated down to hover next to my head. I instinctively leaned away slightly, but he didn't seem to mind.
A new idea suddenly occurred to me, and I looked at the sun, gauging its current height and checking the plant life around me. The sun itself was still touching the horizon, and the flowers nearby were closed.
It's dawn. Whoever lives here, it looks like they haven't gotten up yet. It won't be long now, though. All we have to do is wait, and not be seen immediately.
A sound plan, sir.
Knock it off with that pun.
I stepped back into the shadows of the trees, and Laserbeak flew to a low branch to conserve energy. Eventually, the sound of doors being opened and closed, and the faint sound of voices calling morning greetings were carried by the breeze to my audio receptors. I returned my attention to the town, and zoomed my optics again. What I saw would have made my jaw drop, if I had one.
Moving away from the town, out into what appeared to be an orchard, were two quadrupeds, one green and one yellow. Using a spy dish to catch the sound, I could easily make out that they were talking to each other, though I didn't bother recording any of the conversation. I was too busy trying to make my brain work again. Finally, I managed to think a full sentence again.
I am in Equestria. As Soundwave. Crap.
I do not see why this is detrimental to us.
Because, while they talk about peace and harmony and whatnot, they tend to freak out at things that don't fit in. And right now, I fit in here about as well as an octopus in a bird museum. So obviously, they're going to freak out as soon as they spot me.
That would hinder any actions we attempt to take in this realm.
Yeah. So what we need is a problem to solve. Something that they normally couldn't handle on their own, or would at least have trouble with. Then I can deal with it for them, and they won't be quite so worried about me hurting them.
Wouldn't they be more terrified of you if you can defeat an enemy they have difficulty beating with ease? You would show that they would have no ability to defeat you, and therefore no defense if you were to turn on them.
I'm hoping the system shock will keep them from thinking along those lines and more in the neighborhood of 'it saved us, it must be nice.'
I still find this plan to be unstable, at best.
I didn't really care at that point. I had just picked up a sound that was most certainly not made by any pony, and I took off in the direction of the disturbance. Laserbeak swiftly followed me, and I could soon make out the source of the noise: A massive crocodilian, with what appeared to be boulders making up its back, was snapping and thrashing at the base of a tree, the water around it stained red, and pieces of what used to be clothing floating lazily down the slow-moving river. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened here, especially with the colt hanging onto a high branch of the tree the crocodile was attacking. I decided to deal with this in-character, and did what Soundwave does: I recorded the sound of the creature thrashing, then played it back at a little more than full volume. It got the croc's attention fast enough, and I sent a mental instruction to Laserbeak to attack at every available safe opportunity. I didn't want my new companion to go offline just yet, no matter how uncomfortable he made me.
The croc surged toward me, and I hopped up onto its back, my heavy metal body bashing a dent into the rocks on its back where I landed. The creature roared impotently at me, and rolled over, just as I had hoped it would. I hopped again, this time landing on its soft belly. As I came down, I extended my legs as forcefully as possible, and heard a couple of bones break as a reward. The croc rolled over again, and I jumped off. It hissed at me, trying to intimidate me into making a mistake, but it was failing miserably. I already knew that normal crocodilians could be disabled by holding their mouth closed on land, where they can't put you underwater, and now I had a body made of far sturdier stuff. More importantly, though, I had backup.
Laserbeak descended from the branches behind the beast, and zapped it with a quick laser blast. The creature roared, and spun to face the new threat, which quickly disappeared once more into the leaves. That didn't really matter, though, as I again jumped on the croc, this time landing on his head. It tried to shake me off for a moment, but I was already prepared to finish this. I called up the recording of the croc hissing, changed the pitch slightly, and placed my palm against the beast's head, near where its ear should have been. Then, I pumped the beast's own hiss of anger into its head. It went still, then slumped as blood seeped from the earhole. It was still breathing, though, so I got off of it and strode to the tree the colt had remained in during the fight. He was obviously still scared, and I knew I needed to say something, quickly. I had a flash of inspiration, and tried to speak for the first time since gaining my new body. It came out deep, gravelly, and distorted by electronic re-layering.
"Crocodile inferior, Soundwave superior."
The colt's eyes went wide in amazement, and I knew I had just gotten him out of panic mode, at least.
Yeah, I thought, now that's a catchphrase for the ages.