First published
A collection of poems written by an extremely angry (and questionably in love) Trixie.
Massive thanks to the following contributors: Ambion, Burraku_Pansa, Chono, FloydienSlip, GaPJaxie, IceboxFroggie, Obselescence, Pav Feira, Pearple Prose, Qazarar, RazgrizS57, and TheAuthorGl1m0
Fuck You, Twilight
by alexmagnet
Fuck you, Twilight
And not just because you're one half of SpiLight
Fuck you, Twilight
Bitch, you came to my show and stole the limelight
Fuck you, Twilight
Now I know your momma taught you that ain't right
Fuck you, Twilight
Because no matter how far I run from your sight
I can't keep you out of my bed every damn night.
Grrl
by Pav Feira
Twilight grrl
U so fine
Fine like wine
I'ma dine
On your purple lovin'
Nerd ain't bluffin'
Damn it's tough t'be
Resistin' that plot
Gallop, don't trot
Lovin' her lots
Want her to feel the great and powerful
Dem flanks, all natural, no bull
Hoops that I'ma jump and tricks that I’ma pull
Justa nuzzle dat
Snuggle dat
Freakin' dat
Grrl
Hubris
by GaPJaxie
Alone in the Everfree,
Cold and alone, under a starless sky,
Cast out by my own hubris,
And a mighty purple mare,
Bridges burned, maybe forever,
Under the wheels of my cart,
Should have checked if she was into biting first.
Still hot.
Showstopper
by IceboxFroggie
That purple horse bitch
Always ruining my shows
Please die in a hole
Seein' Red
by alexmagnet
There once was a mare from Ponyville.
She had eyes and a horn that’d give you quite a thrill.
But then she went and showed me up.
Beat that Ursa Minor up.
Now the mere sight of her makes me want to kill.
What a Great Grate
by Pearple Prose
There once was Trixie the Great,
Who was really really quite Great,
Like, compared to Twilight the not-so-Great,
She was quite possibly the Greatest Great to ever grate.
Saturday
by Pav Feira
Twilight Sparkle, the source of my hate.
She's not powerful, and she's not great.
So why must my ire,
Turn into desire?
We're meeting at her place at eight.
Breeze
by alexmagnet
Purple unicorn.
Mane blowing soft in the breeze.
So I say, Fuck you.
Detective Phelps
by Pav Feira
She lives in a tree
Burn it down, no survivors
Maybe she'll call me?
Rut Rut in a Butt
by Pearple Prose
A filly named Trixie was stuck in a rut.
She spent all of her time,
Coming up with bad rhymes,
And thinking of Twiley's plump butt.
Mixed Signals
by IceboxFroggie
Twilight might have pretty eyes
A well-kept mane and toned thighs
But she comes to my shows
And I get caught in the throes
And I want to fuck her
And kill her
Trixie Saves the Day
by IceboxFroggie
There once was a mare named Twilight Sparkle
Her rival, Trixie, was better and smarter than her
She could always beat her in a game of Farkle
And Trixie wondered if Twilight was a good kisser
One day, Trixie went to Twilight’s library
It was Twilight’s home, where she lived and slept
And as Trixie entered the sanctuary
She saw Twilight sitting there as she wept
Trixie, being as valiant as she was
Rushed over to her to see the problem
Twilight sniffled, and started her tale, “Because
when you left, I felt bad because I left you jobless.”
And Trixie leaned in, took Twilight’s head
And whispered in her ear, “Let’s go to bed.”
Trixie is the Most Great and Powerful
by RazgrizS57
Great and powerful, that’s who Trixie is
Trixie is so darn great and powerful
Twilight is not as great or powerful
Trixie is much more great and powerful
Membership
by Obselescence
HOW DO I LOVE THEE, TWILIGHT?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS
AND THE INCHES ON THY MONSTROUS COCK
UPON WHICH I NIGHTLY SUCK.
THY GIRTH IS GREAT
I CANNOT HATE
UPON THINE BLOATED PENILE PATE
IT TASTES QUITE DIVINE
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALL MINE
AND I DREAM EVERY DAY OF WHEN I MIGHT DINE.
BUT BEFORE THAT HAPPENS I MUST TELL
THAT THO' I MAY NOW GO TO HELL
I WILL NOT UNCAST THAT FUTA SPELL
I'll Miss You Like Hell
by IceboxFroggie
Twilight, Twilight, Twilight
The skies are dark tonight
No stars are shining, and the moon is new
But it still means nothing without you
I tried my hardest to cope
But it got even harder as time went on
At this point, I’ve lost all hope
At home, all of the curtains are drawn
I miss you like hell
This isn’t getting easy
But whatever comes next
I’ll always love you, sweetie
Ode à la Mode
by Pearple Prose
Oh, Twilight,
You seething cockbite.
You are as ugly as an ugly thing,
Like I dunno, Apple Bloom trying to sing,
Your face makes my heart explode,
As does this retarded ode.
Look, just die okay?
(But I bet you'd be a nice lay)
----
Oh, Bellatrix
Go back to your pit and suck dicks.
Addendum
by GaPJaxie
Once there was a pony who all the crowds favored,
Honored with story and song,
A star whose followers never wavered,
A fandom a million hooves strong.
You see that great pony, won her fans love,
With but a single great act,
While you, Twilight Sparkle, needed your own show,
You’re overplayed—it’s sad, but a fact.
You’re a cheap Mary Sue, written to win,
Gave you wings just to get you out of a rut,
Made you royalty just so your act would seem special,
But hey, at least you’ve got a cute butt.
Also, fuck you.
"M'lady"
by Pearple Prose
One day Twilight opened the door,
To find Trixie standing in a suit of velour.
She gave her a smirk,
Looked like a berk,
And upon her head sat a fedor(a)
Elegance
by GaPJaxie
Consider the pony named Twilight Sparkle,
Whose spells are both mighty and artful,
Her spells were sublime, her body divine,
Oh no wait, that’s me,
Fuck you.
I’m Trixie.
A Comfortable Seat
by Pav Feira
Egghead princess? Please.
Should've been me, or maybe
I'll rule at her side?
Truth
by GaPJaxie
Twilight Sparkle gets such satisfaction,
Out of thinking she’s the star attraction,
But I let my anger disperse, when I recall her geek curse,
That purple rump doesn’t get any action.
A Certain Need
by Obselescence
NO THERE IS NO SEXUAL TENSION
I CAN SAY THAT WITHOUT APPREHENSION
SURE SHE GETS ME WET
BUT I WON'T GIVE IN YET
...I NEED HER BEYOND COMPREHENSION
Ode to a Lovestruck Horse
by IceboxFroggie
Time for an ode from the pony who knows
You gotta be hip when it comes to magic
This is about a horse in the throes
Loving on me, the hero, it’s tragic
She hasn’t figured it out yet, but she’s infatuated
Never seen or felt this, so she’s confused
It’s totally normal for it to happen, that
I can tell she’s so captivated
By my mane, my walk, my talk, my slick moves
But, damn, I need to get to tappin’ that
The Bestest
by RazgrizS57
Trixie, she is the bestest and most great
and powerful mare who was e'er alive.
Nopony could match her, even by fate;
Nopony could match her magical strive.
Then along came that purple unicorn
who challenged the greatest and powerful.
Her audacity to come up and scorn
Trixie would bring only her own downfall.
Trixie planned to get back at that wretched
unicorn at her very own games.
Trixie'd play her a fool, make her dejected,
and prove to all she had the bestest brains.
But one night, while Miss. Sparkle slept sweet dreams,
Trixie snuck into her humble tree place.
Armed with a pillow to stifle the screams,
she went up and held it down on her face.
Twilight
by Obselescence
THERE ONCE WAS A PONY NAMED TWILIGHT
GOSH I HATE THE NAME TWILIGHT
SHE RUINED MY SHOW
AND THAT REALLY BLOWS
DID I MENTION THAT I HATE TWILIGHT
LOST
by Pav Feira
I'm lost in her eyes
Violet windows, loving soul
Hate that bitch so much
From, Not Of
by Burraku_Pansa
Wealthy, worldly start
Drowning in advantages
How could she want more?
Powerful and smart
Greatness in the air I breathe
How could she want more?
Master of my art
Magic swirling in my grasp
How could she want more?
Ruler of her heart
Her Highness bows down to me
How could she want more?
Tearing me apart
This fire for her, for us two
How could I want more?
- - - - -
Woke two hours too late
Did she not think to stir me?
The day continues
Mane a frightful state
Another hour for combing
The day continues
Never get it straight
No matter—it’s close enough
The day continues
Appetite to sate
Dragon better have my lunch
The day continues
Am I gaining weight?
If I am, I make it hot
The day continues
Nearly to our date
Guess I’ll have a light dinner
The day continues
Wait and wait and wait
She forgot our special day?
The life continues
- - - - -
What gives you the right?
Do you realize who I am?
We’re done after this
Neverending fight
Just shut the fuck up, you whore!
We’re done after this
On into the night
And you call me arrogant?
We’re done after this
No I’m not alright!
I gave up a life for you!
We’re done after this
Kill yourself, Twilight
I just can’t take any more
I’m done after this
Confusion
by Qazarar
Her mane with that lone strip of pink
She makes it far too hard to think
I really should hate her
I think I would date her
I guess I really need a drink.
Twilight Sparkle
by Chono
The day shifts to night: Twilight.
Bitch ruined my Life: Twilight
The glint of a bit: Sparkle
Complete waste of space: Sparkle
Twixie
by TheAuthorGl1m0
Twilight, I don't want to say I love it
Why not, you ask, the answer is too far
I don't really care about your skill, I
Love only who you are; although the sex
I must confess, is pretty lacking Twi
Getting together like this isn't rare
How did we end up like this, anyway?
Twilight, why do you have a dick now?
Comparisons
by TheAuthorGl1m0
Trixie
Is tricks-y,
But Twilight
Is not.
Wheels
by TheAuthorGl1m0
The Great and Powerful rode in on a wagon
With firm intent on ordering a flagon
Her vessel had a fumble
She took a bad tumble
And found those accursed wheels a'braggin'.
All That Which has Been Left in Abandon
by RazgrizS57
Trixie’s career as a master of art.
The large vacancy in Twilight Sparkle's head.
Trixie’s feelings and emotional heart.
A hydra’s stomach just waiting to be fed.
Trixie’s once prideful sense of self-esteem.
Her wallet, calendar, a comforting thought.
A shoulder for crying, a place to scream.
Hard to admit: Twilight's immaculate plot.
Re: My Horn
by TheAuthorGl1m0
Horn.
You know you like it.
Blue.
See how blue it is?
Like a horn.
Which it is.
My horn.
There Once Came a Trixie
by TheAuthorGl1m0
Around the great mountains, she came
All with a cart and magic robe in tow
She was a mare of great and powerful fame
And wouldn't you know it
Trixie was her name.
She didn't stay for long, sad to say
A mare of action, always in the flow
Trixie claimed she would return someday;
"But first things first
Twilight Sparkle must pay."
Much time has passed, since her debut
When they all watched her go
Though all still love her, if only a few
Even as she spoke aloud
"Well, fuck you too."
Self-Advice
by FloydienSlip
Who are you that catches my eye? I
Who are you that wanders in sesame? Me
But what is your name, O purple mare? Air
Cursèd vision that doth my eyes fool! Fool
How dare you mock the Great and Grand! And
Powerful, too, as she did foretell. Tell
She was who you were not, it appears. Ears
Lovely things, as soft as pillow down. Down
To me she did turn, though it hurts to say. Say
I told I her I loved her, no less and no more. More
And I said she’d be mine, forever and now. Now
I walk by my lonesome, heart cleaved in twain. Wane
I love her today, though for her I know not. Not
You think?! Tell me, quickly, for I cannot bear! E’er
At last! I knew it! But what shall I do? Do
Have sex? That’s fine by me. Thank you. Ew
My Mistress' Eyes are Inconsistent
by Burraku_Pansa
My mistress’ eyes might be her strongest trait,
The way the soul behind them seems to glow.
One hungry glance is all she needs to throw
To wobble knees with otherworldly weight.
My mistress’ mane is so beautifully straight,
Like fragrant grass in row by precise row—
But such perfection nature’d never grow
As the hairs here headed on my heady mate.
Oh, but there’s so much more to my dear, darling Twilight:
Seeing through the gleaming eyes, looking past the silky hair,
This magician recognizes quite a magic-minded mare.
How else could come the energy to last all through the night,
Be she up late minding homework with her characteristic care
Or engaged with yours truly in some far more lusty affair?
- - - - -
My mistress’ eyes are purple, dull, and plain;
It’s such a common color, mine are the same!
And don’t even get me started on her mane;
I mean, pink stripes? You can’t get much more lame.
A pigeon’s wings, a foul mule’s face,
A rump filled out with fat perfectly wrong.
She’s lucky she looks so good in lace,
Or I’m sure we’d never get along.
Her maker must’ve thought, “Why stop at that?”
Because her personality is just as bad:
Today she almost smacked me—such a brat!
What did I even do to make her mad?
A less fortunate filly would pray for the luck
To have a marefriend who tells her how not to suck.
- - - - -
My mistress’ eyes are too much like the sun,
Angry, bright, and fiery—I should run.
Dramatic much, chasing me from our home?To hear her yell, you’d think I broke a law;Really, it was such a childish fit to pitch.What’d she expect, reading that other poem?This is my place to lay my feelings raw;Not my fault if some days she’s a bitch.
…But what if she reads thi
That Twilight, she’s a girl with endless passion!
Her voice is music heard for miles around!
She’s sensitive, and oh so very youthful!
Loves poetry—loves all romantic fashion!
Her empathy never fails to astound!
If she calls me names, she’s only being truthful!
If I
by Ambion
If I were futa-Trixie,
I’d shut your fucking face
with my gigantic dick, see,
You might get it in your eye.
If I were futa-Trixie
With a hate-hardon for you
I would make you have a taste
Futa-Trixie laying waste.
If I were futa-Trixie
pummeling that purple plot
My cannon-cock, the wrath-wang
Did you expect a rhyme, bitch?
If I am Twilight Sparkle,
Which I am, then don’t you think
I know how to cast that spell?
Guess what? I do! Fuck you.
Haiku
by RazgrizS57
Oh, Twilight Sparkle!
Wonder how I love you so?
Let me count the ways:
A Singular Combination
Opening night comes, like always,
with new faces, eyes, hearts,
floating in the bursting light.
Memory takes a knife to me.
There was a face I met once,
a set of eyes, a heart,
set far apart from all the rest on the winding trail.
Singular in nature, she was a combination so bewitching
there could be no truth in it.
Half button, half a snub nose,
muzzle poised to blast a quip—
witty tongue a lashing whip
to set my teeth a’gnashing.
Passion sugared stings to such a bracing sour,
but the wounds didn’t age well.
Comfort rubbed the lye in
then stripped the nerves
till I soured on sour, too.
And there’s a powerful gravity I’d known in those eyes
in the young light,
when she didn’t know my mind was as there as my body.
It pulled at me, that set of sunbeams on my back,
closer and deeper, crushing with a padded vice
until I was too small to recognize.
Blacked and blued and bleeding,
but comfortable.
Comfortable.
Comfortable, comfortable.
Comfortable in the pattern,
the movements,
the standing wave goodbye that must have reverberated back to her.
Must have.
Must have known it in her heart
without my saying so
because I didn’t say it, so…
She just must have known.
Or we both felt it—
the barren divide.
I wouldn’t put it past a heart like that.
A heart that knows—
-its master
-what its master wants
-what its master has
A heart that knows how to weigh the points
and see the want in what it has
and know the want it doesn’t
and doesn’t want the wanting thing to hold it back like always.
Yes, it must have known.
Must have seen.
Magic and wishes and glitter and fire and bruises
can’t turn soil into a harvest
when there’s not a seed to be sown.
And no seed would do
if there weren’t a face,
a set of eyes,
and a heart selling it.
And if that law was in her
like I know it was—
like I know it must have been
because I knew it on her face,
because I knew it in her eyes,
because I knew it in my heart—
then why do I have to recall her combination
every time?
Everywhere I go?
Whenever I look out into the motes of life before my stage?
Wherever I hear the quick, rapturous beating and the struck gasp?
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder
and they say the guilty see their victims around every corner,
but they say I’ll gather no moss as long as I keep rolling.
Can they all be right?
Closing time for the night.
I think I’ll leave this town a bit sooner than I’d planned.