It is said that laughter is the best medicine, but can it help get the ponies through a war?
***On hiatus while Johnfreemanwepon and I work on the battle aspects of the story. We're both really busy, so it isn't going quickly, but progress is being made nonetheless***
"The Griffonite Empire had almost always been the strongest ally of their neighbor, Equestria. However, all that changed when the former decided to declare war, and invade. It is said that laughter is the best medicine, but can it help get the ponies through a war? Victoriously? Alive?"
I don't know why, but these Equestria-at-war kind of stories have always appealed to me in some strange way. Thus, when I randomly got an idea for how I could start one of my own, I leapt at the chance. I don't plan on updating it at a fast rate at all, especially considering how deeply involved I am with my other stories, namely A New Life, but to stay true to a promise I have made to myself, I won't simply abandon this, and will update every now and again. Also, don't expect there to be nearly as much randomness and humor as about the dozen or so of you who are familiar with my writing have come to expect, as war isn't a joke: it's serious shit.
**As is always the case with my stories, change your background color from LIGHT to DARK, so you can read my color-coded dialogue**
"I just don't understand how it happened...how it could happen..."
We were gathered in the upper floor of the Ponyville Library -- and by we, I mean myself and my six closest friends: the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I had always felt like the odd one out for the entire time that I've known them, but that means nothing right now. We were all scared; petrified. Only mere hours earlier, Princess Celestia had sent her personal protégé -- who in fact made her residence in the library -- an urgent letter, commanding her to gather the other elements to the library immediately...but for some reason, a reason I still find myself questioning, my name was also added to that list of whom to gather. By the time we all were assembled, the Princess -- along with her sister, Princess Luna -- were already present at the library, accompanied by a number of their royal guards.
What we were informed of next was the reason why we were still gathered here, albeit sans the Princesses and their guards now. For what had seemed like an eternity -- even to the Princesses -- Equestria had been the strongest of allies with the neighboring Griffonite Empire, but this morn they had pulled a bigger flip-flop than had ever been seen before, even in politics: they had declared war. No known motives, nothing. And now, as the Elements of Harmony, my six closest friends -- my only true friends, honestly -- they are being called to help lead the defense. Obviously, I was extremely confused, as I still am now, and the elder Princess' cryptic explanation didn't help much: she had said simply that I was to go with them, the reason I would learn in time. Even though I still pondered the possibilities of what she had meant, I was certain about one thing at the very least: my friends would need me, but the contrary was even more true: I would need them. Here we now sat, not yet given ranks nor any further duties whatsoever, simply conversing on how our lives have now changed more quickly than anypony could think possible.
"Nopony knows, sugarcube." I turned to look at the orange farm-mare: The hard-working Applejack, Element of Honesty, earth pony, and co-owner of Sweet Apple Acres, renowned for it's delicious apples, which have no match. "An' fer that matter, tha Princess said she don't plan on makin' tha news public 'til at least t'morrow."
"Yes, and it seems that even she is taken aback by all of this." The fashionable Rarity: the Element of Generosity, unicorn, and owner of the Carousel Boutique, famous for her skillful handiwork on her beautiful garments. "All we can really do now is accept the circumstances, and prepare ourselves for what's to come."
"Which means getting ready to fight." Rainbow Dash: the Element of Loyalty, pegasus, and the only pony known to have pulled off a Sonic Rainboom, known for her namesake mane and tail, as well as her extreme need for speed. "And we can't show any mercy!"
"I-I couldn't possibly hurt anypony..." The humble Fluttershy: the Element of Kindness, pegasus, and the most gentle pony ever to have lived, revered for her connection to animals, as well as for her medical care. No doubt she was going to be a medic of some sort. "I don't think I could ever bring myself to do such a thing..."
"We don't have a choice." The unpredictable Pinkie Pie: the Element of Laughter, earth pony, and a baker at Sugarcube Corner, known for her physics-defying antics, and her ability to throw a better party than even the best fraternity could dream of, and does so almost on a daily basis. Of the six, I felt that I was closest to her, as was evident by the fact that she was clinging to me for comfort, resting her head on my shoulder, her straight hair partially covering her face. This was the Pinkie that few ponies got to see, and that none want to see. In fact, most consider the bubbly, cotton-candy-maned Pinkie Pie and her serious, straight-maned alter ego to practically be two different ponies, each with a separate name, even: the one we saw now went by the pink pony's birth name: Pinkamena. She was already past the sobbing point, and now was only able to shed single tears. At least that meant that the rest of us could understand what she was saying. "This is war. It's either us or them. They decided to invade, so we have no choice but to defend." Pinkamena now clung me tighter, and buried her head back into my shoulder.
"Sadly, she's right. We don't have any choice." The studious Twilight Sparkle: the Element of Magic, unicorn, and the aforementioned personal protégé of Princess Celestia, known for her unquenchable desire to learn, and for her obsessive-compulsive organizational habits, let alone her extremely potent magic capabilities. There are few who can challenge her in terms of sheer knowledge, but ironically I am one of those few, as we had actually first met when I had gone to the library to check out a book on ancient forms of divination. "Our home is in danger, and thus so are we. To fight back is the only way to save Equestria, as much as it pains me to say it."
I slowly look at each of my saddened, yet determined, friends. We all knew that we would be given extremely high ranks -- myself included, at least according to Twilight -- and as a result, extremely huge responsibility; that responsibility primarily being of the lives of thousands of other ponies, who would be counting upon us for guidance, and for their survival. We all knew that hell awaited us all in the very-near future, and we could only pray that we would have a Virgil to guide us through it, safely, and preferably swiftly. We knew that we would see more disease, destruction and death than anypony should ever have to see, and we knew of the all-too-real possibility that not one of us was safe from becoming a victim of one of those cruel fates. We knew would need each other if we were going to get through this, and we knew that now, more than ever, we would need the power of friendship.
Rainbow Dash's question broke the silence that had dominated the room for the past half-hour or so. At first, none of us said a word. However, after thinking about it, I realized what we had to do, as much as I didn't want to do it at that time. I looked to my right and into the blue eyes of Pinkie, silently asking her to release me. She loosened her grip on me and lifted her head off of my shoulder, allowing me to stand. I then broke the new silence that had commenced.
"Simple. We start doing what we'll have to throughout the course of the war: learn as much about our enemy as we possibly can."
Twilight was the next to stand. Even though she still had the same grim look that we all wore, I could tell she was at least somewhat eager, as what I said meant research, and research meant books. And Twilight loves books. "Agreed. Any idea where we should start?"
I was somewhat taken aback: Twilight asking me about where we should start? Nonetheless, I still had an answer for her. "I would think that the Griffonite Empire itself would be a good place to start: their culture, religion, lifestyle -- those sort of things. Each of them could provide a number of different possible factors that would lead them to invade; for culture it could be a result of a violent upsurge of sorts, for religion they could be attempting to fulfill an ancient prophecy, for lifestyle they could be aiming for replenish depleting resources, which would also apply to economy as well...and historically, wars have always seemed to be beneficial economically..." I stopped when I heard a laugh.
"Ah think Ah can see why tha Princess wanted ya to go with us, sugarcube!"
I thought about what she just said...then about what I had said...and the I realized...that she was right. I still had a feeling that there was more to it than just this -- much more to it -- but--
Before I could even finish my thought, Twilight received another urgent letter from Princess Celestia, this time requesting our presence at her Royal Palace in Canterlot, more specifically that Twilight teleport us to the main hall, where several of the royal guards would be waiting to escort us to the war room. After a few more letters back and forth, we all found ourselves instantly in the main hall with a bright flash -- apparently, the Princess herself had teleported us. Several minutes later we met up with both princesses in the war room of the palace, and we all took places around a topographical war map of Equestria and it's surrounding area, which included the Griffonite Empire. Luna was to the right of her sister, and Twilight was to her teacher's left, followed by Fluttershy, myself, Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, then Rarity. Princess Celestia was the first to speak.
"Before we get into anything else, I'm certain that each of you would like to know what you'd have to do during this war, at least in regard to responsibilities."
The Princess' question was answered by six nodding mares. I, however, didn't notice, as I was distracted, analyzing the war map that we were gathered around. On it were a number of tokens, placed strategically along the Equestrian side of our border with the Griffonite Empire; I took this to be the Princess' plan for the preliminary deployments.
"Briar! Aren't you going to answer the Princess, too?"
Without even looking up, I remained silent for several seconds, as I searched for the best way to point out the major flaw I noticed in what I saw. "The Gorgon Pass needs at least another two or three regiments stationed there; with this current set-up, the Griffonite army would easily be able to invade through there, and the war would be lost within a month." Despite being met with silence as well, I still didn't look up from the map.
"Well done, Briar. I was planning to ask if any of you could point out the critical flaw on this map, but it seems that you're ahead of the game. I must say, I'm impressed."
I finally looked back up, and noticed the shocked, confused faces of my close friends.
"Yep. It's official. This is why he's here."
I immediately looked back down, not at the map, but in an attempt to hide the blush I now had; I was never good at handling spotlight, even though I knew that I had brought this upon myself.
"As much as I would like to continue this, we do need to refocus."
We all looked at the Princess and nodded, myself included this time. At this point, the elder princess' horn began to glow, and the map in front of us was lifted up and placed elsewhere, revealing the bare table underneath. After several seconds, several figurines began to materialize on the table's surface, each of which I noticed represented a different part of an army: Artillery, Cavalry, Medics, Light and Heavy Infantry, and Supplies. Princess Celestia then began to explain each, using the figurines as visuals. She then moved the figurines one by one, placing the respective figurine in front of the element-bearer who was going to be in charge of it, as well as materializing a medal of sorts, bearing the starting rank of each:
Yet again, I found myself to be the odd one out...at least until the Princess materialized another figurine and medal, which she placed in front of me:
--Lt. Colonel (abbr. Lt. Col./LTC) Briar, Tactics and Strategy
I immediately looked at the Princess, surprised that she had given me such a high starting rank.
"Wait...what's the order of these ranks again?"
"From lowest to highest, Captain, Major, Lt. Colonel, Colonel. At least for the ranks we've been given."
"Wait, so I have to answer to you?!"
"And Twilight."
"If I may, I'd like to point out that some of us require higher ranks than the others. For example, even though Fluttershy and I's roles are just as crucial as the rest of you, we do not need a higher rank, as we won't be in charge of as many ponies, isn't that correct?"
"Well stated. But also, you two do not require higher ranks, as you are non-combat personnel."
"What about Briar? Wouldn't that go for him, too?"
"Quite the opposite, actually. And that reminds me: during any combat situations, or situations where combat may occur at any time, I hereby decree that Lt. Colonel Briar be brevetted to Brigadier General for the course of those situations."
--Lt. Colonel (abbr. Lt. Col./LTC) Briar, Tactics and Strategy
--Combat-Brevet Brigadier General (abbr. Com. Bvt. Brig. Gen./Com. Bvt. BG)
"WHAT?!?"
Simply put, I was just as astonished as the rest of them, if not even more so: I would be leapfrogging Twilight in rank! "Pardon my language, Princess, but you've got to be shitting me!"
"I'm not. And the reason why is because I have the utmost confidence in your strategic capabilities, which you have already further proved today.You all must understand the importance of strategy, and how maneuvering the different troops efficiently can mean all the difference between victory and defeat. Briar, I pray you understand the responsibility that comes with this?"
"I do, and I have no reason to abuse the powers that come with it."
"In that case, several of my guards will now escort you all to where you may get your much-needed rest here tonight. We will speak again come morning. Dismissed!"
We were gathered in the dining hall, about to receive our first briefing over a much-needed breakfast.
"May I ask how you all slept?"
"Very well, especially after Lt. Col. Briar gave out the very first order!"
They all laughed heartily, sans Maj. Dash, myself, and the Princess; I was limited to just a chuckle, Maj. Dash simply rolled her eyes, and the Princess raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? May I ask what it was?"
Maj. Applejack laughed as she quoted me: "'Major Dash! Quit ya bitchin' an' go ta sleep!'"
Everypony laughed heartily once again, the Princess and I included this time; Maj. Dash simply slouched down into her chair and rolled her eyes again.
After everypony calmed back down, the Princess cleared her throat and made sure she had everypony's attention before she began to speak:
"I feel that this would be a good opportunity for you all to receive you first order from me"
We all perked up even more than we already had been, and waited attentively for the Princess to continue.
"Throughout the course of this war, regardless of the end result, I want you all to use humor whenever you possibly can, but even more importantly, I want you all to milk that humor for all it's worth."
Capt. Rarity immediately stood up, and slammed her front hooves on the table. "Objection!"
"Overruled!" I looked down momentarily and scrunched my snout, realizing that I had just responded exactly as a judge would. "And just sit back down, Captain; this ain't a courtroom, and may Celestia help us all if it was." I extended a gesturing hoof in the direction of the Princess when I said her name. "And furthermore, it does make sense, which I'm certain the Princess is all ready to explain." I signal that I'm finished speaking by turning toward the Princess with a nod, while Capt. Rarity slowly sat back down, defeated.
The Princess returned my nod. "Thank you, colonel."
"Wait, COLONEL? When did he get promoted?"
"Once again, Maj. Dash, quit your bitching, I haven't been promoted; Lt. Colonels are simply referred to as 'colonel' in conversation for fluency's sake." The Princess confirmed this with a nod.
"Oh, okay. My apologies, sir."
I simply nod at her, knowing my words would give away my inner surprise that Maj. Dash had already given in to having superiors, and referring to them as such.
"However, Princess, I feel that it would make more sense if I be referred to as 'lieutenant' in conversation, so as to avoid any confusion between myself and Col. Sparkle."
The Princess smiled. "As I was saying, lieutenant, the reason why I'm ordering you to use humor is simple: it's extremely likely to be the one thing that will keep you alive. And also, the 'alive' in this case should be taken in several ways. The first is literally. The second...hm, lieutenant? If possible, could you explain the second, since you seem to understand this already? I feel that you will be able to word it more efficiently than I could."
"Certainly, Princess. The second would be..." I take a moment myself to search for the proper words. "...would be us as ponies. War changes ponies. Look at each of us here. Those of us who see the end of this war will not be the same as who we are now. We may not even recognize each other. That's why this is so crucial: not just to keep ourselves alive, but also to keep alive our--"
"--friendship"
I simply nod to Col. Sparkle to let her know that she had completed my sentence correctly.
"Exactly. Do you all understand this order?" After being met with a round of nods, the Princess continued. "Moving on, then. Now, we need to determine how each division will function -- as in weapons, and the like -- with the obvious exception of colonel Briar. I highly advise that we help one another with brainstorming, so we can get as many ideas out as possible to increase our efficiency. Col. Sparkle? Should we begin with your artillery?"
"Thank you, Princess. I must admit, I haven't thought much about it, but I do think that the artillery should be powered by and fired with magic..."
"Why is it always magic?"
"It makes sense to me."
"And to me as well; the Griffonite army wouldn't be able to use our own artillery against us, should they come in possession of some."
"Yes, and the use of magic would mean that direct contact with the weapon would not be necessary, would allow them to be fired from a safe distance away, in case of a mis-fire."
"You'd need different kinds of artillery, too, wont'cha Colonel?"
"You're right, Maj. Pie, we would. Which do you guys think would be our primary, though?"
"Isn't it your artillery, Colonel?
"Um...w-we're still brainstorming...m-m'am..."
"Oh, yeah...right. Thank you, Captain."
"Personally, I would suggest mortars, Colonel."
"Ooh! Yeah! Mortars have a huuuuuuuuumooooongus range!"
"An' they can fire dif'frent kinds'a shells, too!"
"I myself agree: mortars would prove to be extremely useful, and adaptable, too."
"Alright, mortars it is! Anypony else have any ideas?"
"Well, Ah was thinkin' 'bout poss'bly havin' ah sub-group of mah Heavy Infantry that could be able to attack from a distance..."
"YES!"
There was an awkward silence that ensued as everypony else slowly turned and looked at me.
"Ar'ya really that excited 'bout mah idea, lew-teh-nant?"
"I thought that the awkward silence had made that obvious, but yes, I am. I already have a number of ideas of how to utilize something like that, though it would vary pending upon what the ammunition would be. I assume that you would be bucking them, Major?"
"Yep, that's what Ah was thinkin', sir."
"What about bucking rocks?!"
"Yeah! An' with ah lil' bit ah trainin', we should easily be able ta buck'em at high speeds, too!"
"That would prove to be extremely beneficial to defend against an enemy charge, especially!"
"And for a surprise attack from above! Like from a high ledge, or something!"
"Sounds like it's official, then...well, once you think of a name for it, Major."
"Ah'll giddon it, sir!"
"And while we're on the infantry, what about your Light Infantry, Maj. Pie?"
"And please try to be direct about it, Major."
"Ooh! Well, I've actually thought of several things that the Light Infantry could do! Since we'd be so lightly-armored, we'd be rather speedy! So we could be scouts! Or we could be sneaky and flank the enemy if they're busy fighting Maj. Apple's Heavy Infantry or something! Or--"
"Alright, that's enough for now, Major. It seems that your infantry would be able to do a variety of different things, but there's a good chance that many things would be done more of on the spot, though those are good ideas for possible sub-groups, such as Maj. Apple's--"
"BOULDER-BUCKERS!" An awkward silence ensued, before I began to laugh.
"Now you know how I felt, Major!" I joked, receiving laughs from the others as well. "And it seems that you've found a name!"
"That Ah have, sir."
"How about your cavalry, Maj. Dash?"
"Well, since we're the cavalry, I know that we'd be involved mainly in--"
I suddenly jumped in my chair as I got an idea.
"I take it you have an idea, sir?"
"Yes, I do. And my apologies for the interruption, Major."
"Don't worry about it, sir."
"Well, my idea was...well, since it seems that we've decided that Maj. Pie's Light Infantry would be used for a variety of miscellaneous things, would specialists fall under there? Such as--"
"EXPLOSIVES?!"
"Well...yes."
"I think that that would be appropriate for the Light Infantry, but again, we'll have to go over the specifics for it at a later time. As you had been saying Maj. Dash?"
"Thank you, Princess. I know that we'd be heavily involved in air combat, so whatever weapons we use would need to be specialized. I know that the traditional cavalry weapon is a shoulder-mounted lance, but I have some concerns about that: they've been known to be rather heavy -- not enough to slow you down, but enough to be able to throw you off-balance easily. Also, if your lance gets broken, you're as good as dead."
"Those are valid points, Major, and something that now concerns me, as well. We'd need to think of a different possible weapon, or even design a new one entirely."
"Sir, I'd be happy to work with Maj. Dash to design a new weapon for her cavalry to use."
"Fine by me; after all, you do design for a living!"
"Agreed. How about your medics, Capt. Shy?"
"Oh, um, well, the only things that I would really need is medical supplies and a number of medical tents..."
"Simple enough. And finally, how about your supplies, Capt. Rarity?"
"Well, I will most likely be stitching together tents and clothes, preparing food; you know, those sorts of things."
"Splendid! Now, if I may have your attention again, please..."
We all looked at the Princess, once again waiting for her to continue, and listened intently when she did.
"In a matter of hours, I will be making my announcement to the public regarding the war, as we are the only ones who so far know of it. And when I do...I would like all of you to be present, as I would like to introduce you, my officers, as well as your ranks and your respective assignments. Is that clear?" The Princess raised her right-front hoof up in a salute, followed by all of us officers, only releasing our salutes once the Princess dropped hers, as was the rule -- in a salute, whoever was of highest rank would be the first one to salute, and everypony else cannot drop theirs until that superior officer in question drops theirs. "Now, there are some new uniforms awaiting you in the room where you had spent the night, next to each of your beds. Go put them on, and report back to me when summoned. You are dismissed."
When we reached our temporary living quarters, we sure enough found our uniforms waiting for us on mannequins. It was obvious whose was whose, as each uniform bore a color scheme matching each of us exactly. Not to mention that each uniform had patches on each shoulder bearing our respective names, as well as our rank insignia under the left name-patch, with the exception of my uniform, which also had my combat-brevet insignia under my right. Maj. Dash rushed over to check out her uniform.
"I hope the Princess realizes that we'll stick out like a wingboner in these..."
"They're formal uniforms, Major, not combat uniforms."
"Who cares?! We have CAAAA~~AAAAAPES!!!"
Sure enough..........we had capes.
"Are these...really necessary?" Col. Sparkle said, lifting the end of her cape with her magic.
"I highly doubt it, m'am, but I'm with Maj. Pie: me gusta."
I looked around at the each uniform, each of which had trimming that exactly matched their respective capes in color:
--Maj. Dash's uniform was cyan with a rainbow-striped cape.
--Maj. Apple's orange uniform had a yellow cape, as well as -- much to her relief -- a matching stetson.
--Capt. Rarity's ivory uniform had an indigo cape that glistened like diamonds in the light.
--Maj. Pie's uniform was light pink, and had an almost orchid cape.
--Capt. Shy's pale yellow uniform had a cape that was a shade of pink that was gentle as she was.
--Col. Sparkle had a violet uniform with an indigo cape, which had several magenta and violet streaks on it.
I looked back at my uniform: it was a very schmexy shade of red -- cardinal red. Then I looked at my cape, which was as golden as my heart was for my friends. However, when I looked closer at my cape, I noticed that my rank insignias were emblazoned on it, a smaller Lt. Colonel insignia in the center of the top half of the cape, and a larger Brig. General insignia in the larger bottom half of my cape. The insignias had stylized words in the shape of an arc above each of them, reading Lieutenant Colonel and Combat-Brevet Brigadier General, respectively, the latter being split into two arcs after the 'brevet'. I pointed this out to the others, and the case turned out to be the same for them, understandably, although their insignias were in the center of the entire cape, which also made sense.
Almost as soon as we had all finished putting on our new uniforms, one of the Princess' royal guards appeared at the door, informing us that the Princess had publicly scheduled the announcement as soon as we had left the dining hall earlier, and it was going to begin in one hour, though we were expected to meet with the Princess in a mere fifteen minutes. After a swift salute, the guard then took his leave.
I broke the silence that followed with a laugh. "Alright. Maj. Dash, Maj. Apple: start fighting. That way I can order us all to start heading out."
We all started cracking up -- even Capt. Shy -- before Col. Sparkle actually did call the order to start heading out.
********
The Princess has just announced the declaration of war from the Griffonite Empire, and we were now waiting for the expected shock to die down enough for her to continue speaking. My fellow officers and I were lined up several yards behind the Princess at the back of a balcony of the Royal Palace in Canterlot. Even though it was a low-hanging balcony, we were still out of sight from all the ponies gathered in the main plaza below. When we had met with the Princess before this, she had explained that we were to line up evenly-spaced in the order we currently were, as that was the order that she was going to be announcing us, going from her left to her right. She also informed us that we were to start walking immediately forward to the balcony rail as she began saying our title, so that we would reach the railing right as she would be saying our name. Once we got to the railing we were to remain there, standing at attention, just as we were now. As we awaited the time when the Princess was going to be announcing us as her officers, I decided to close my eyes and think, but made sure that I let Col. Sparkle -- who was to my immediate right -- that I was doing so, in case I happened to zone out. She nodded and promised to give me a nudge if I was still thinking when the Princess would be nearing our introductions.
My thoughts were simple ones. I knew that when the Princess would say that she had already elected her officers, I knew that everypony listening would immediately know that they would be the six mares I was now in line with -- the Elements of Harmony. Logical, right? But I also knew -- since the Princess had given us each a copy of the speech she was going to be giving, so we would know what to expect -- that she was going to be specifically saying that she had already elected seven officers; I even knew that she was going to be putting a lot of emphasis on the 'seven'. When all of the ponies below would hear 'seven', who would they think that seventh officer was going to be? How will they react when it's announced that it's me? How will they react when they hear that I have a combat-brevet rank that is superior to Twilight Sparkle, who has already become a living legend -- along with the other five -- let alone the Princess' personal student and protégé? How would they react to see me alongside the most famous ponies in all of Equestria, outside of the Princesses themselves, especially in such a crucial role? It wasn't that I cared what everypony would think of me -- because I honestly didn't give a shit -- it was just...my curiosity was killing me!
********
It was time. The Princess had just announced that she had already elected her officers, emphasis on the 'seven' and all. What else, the chatter amongst the ponies in the crowd was easily audible. My thoughts seemed to be spot-on...well, one of the thoughts, at least. I tilted my head down and clenched my eyes shut.
"It's the spotlight, isn't it?" I heard my superior officer whisper quietly to me in a comforting manner.
I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head to look at her. "Like no other."
"Head of the Medical Care and Attention Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Captain Fluttershy!"
Col. Sparkle and I stopped to watch as even Capt. Shy made her way to the railing with a total lack of hesitation and timidness.
"Wow, even Capt. Shy is making me seem like a complete pus--"
"Just stop worrying, lieutenant."
"Yes m'am."
"Head of the Supply Transportation and Management Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Captain Rarity!"
"Now that I think about it, are these introductions even necessary? It feels like they're sort of--"
"Oh, shut up, lieutenant." Col. Sparkle said with a short giggle and a large grin.
"Head of the Light Infantry and Specialist Forces Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Major Pinkie Pie!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...wow, you're actually being quiet now, lieutenant."
"...I was just thinking about the fact that military corps are almost always lead by an officer of at least Lieutenant General rank..."
"Head of the Heavy Infantry and Short-Range Projectile Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Major Applejack Apple!"
"Giggety! I'm next!"
"HUH?!"
"Head of the Cavalry and Air Assault Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Major Rainbow Dash!"
"Bloody hell. I'm next now."
"No pressure."
"No pressure my flank!.........................................................................................................m'am."
"Head of the Artillery..."
"What a tweest!"
Col. Sparkle softly giggled. "Well no shit, lieutenant!"
"...and Other Magic-Based Weaponry Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army, Colonel Twilight Sparkle!"
"Try not to be a buzz-kill, lieutenant!" Col. Sparkle sarcastically said as she began making her way forward.
I hope we go to a bar after this...
"Head of the Tactical Operations and Strategic Warfare Corps of the Royal Equestrian Army..."
Well, here we go... I thought as I began walking forward.
"...Lieutenant Colonel, and Combat-Brevet Brigadier General, Briar Rose!"
"Your last name is Rose?!"
"I will fucking stab you, Major Dash."
********
I didn't hear the rest of the Princess' speech; I was too transfixed on the humongous crowd below. In fact, there were so many ponies gathered that I felt it was becoming a safety concern. And every one of them was cheering; cheering not just for the Elements of Harmony, but for me, too!
That alone gave me enough motivation to last through the entire war...several times over.
Three days after the Princess' speech, recruiting officially began. I swear, if it weren't for the Griffonite Empire's religious code of honor, we'd already be done for; they're actually just camping outside of the border until we have an army ready! Personally, I'm definitely one who follows a strict code of honor, but this is pushing it!!! *Sigh* Well anyway, we were surprised that on the very first day we had an overwhelming turn-out, including a number of our friends from around Equestria, some of whom we instantly gave higher ranks (as well as some other ponies we were impressed with), but only those who we had unanimously voted to do so, based upon their performance during the recruiting tryouts, as well as how well we believed would function as leaders:
A/N: Warrant Officers are unique, and the only thing you really have to know for the purposes of this story -- at least at this point -- is that they're specialist officers.
Chief Warrant Officer 5 Gilda -- despite being a griffon herself -- had vowed to protect Equestria -- where she had been born and raised. She was given the her rank and became the only other individual -- besides myself -- in my corps when we were given the all-clear by Col. Sparkle after she had performed numerous mind-reading spells on her, and finding nothing suspicious.
Even though Gilda was so far the only other...well, 'pony', I guess, in my corps, it was determined that my corps would work often with Maj. Pie's', primarily because we felt that I would often need to request the services of her Specialist forces, so instead of doing recruiting for my corps -- since my corps is somewhat 'specialist' itself, and thus doesn't simply recruit anypony -- Chief Gilda and I were assigned to assist Maj. Pie with hers, as well as become familiar with her subordinates, as we would be in a lot of contact with them, as well.
Chief Gilda and I were sitting off to the side as Maj. Pie was addressing her newest recruits, setting the stage before she would be passing them off to me, so I could talk to them about my corps, how the two would be working together, etc., while Maj. Pie would then move on to start addressing the next group of recruits.
"Alrighties, privaties! My name is Major Pinkie Pie, but you will refer to me as either Major, Major Pie, or m'am!..."
"Chief, nudge me when we're up." I said, closing my eyes as I did.
Chief Gilda chuckled. "Zonin' her out, sir?"
I open a lone eye to look at her. "I was actually going to think over what I'm going to be saying, but that's a valid point as well."
Before I could even close my eye again, Chief Gilda nudged me. "Sir..."
I groan as I stand up. "Didn't take 'er long, did it?"
Chief Gilda chuckled again. "Not at all, sir."
When I first looked at the regiment of recruits after I had made my way to the front, I noticed that a good number of them each had a hoof raised...
I let out a deep sigh before I began addressing them. "Really? I just got up here and at least half of you already have questions?"
"Sir, I would believe that they're about me."
"It would make sense, but we can't jump to any conclusions. Would you like me to ask them?"
"Yes sir."
I nod and take a couple steps forward. "Alright, before I even introduce myself, if you have a question not regarding Chief Warrant Officer Gilda here, keep your hoof up."
I turn and look back behind me when I saw every hoof go down. "Good call, Chief. Would you like to take it?"
"Absolutely, sir." Chief Gilda responded as we switched places.
"Alright. As you heard my superior officer say, I'm Chief Warrant Officer Gilda, but you can refer to me either as m'am, Chief -- which for some reason is often used to refer to all Warrant Officers, such as myself -- or Chief Gilda. Also, you could also probably tell that I'm a griffon. You might be thinking, 'aren't we supposed to be fighting the griffons?' Well, that is not the case -- this war is against the Griffonite Empire, not against griffons in general. As for myself, Equestria is my home; I was born and raised here, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even if my 'homeland' is the Griffonite Empire, that doesn't make it my actual home. Again, my home is Equestria, which is why I'm fighting to protect it. Sir?"
I walked up to join Chief Gilda. "You memorize that, Chief?"
"Damn right I did, sir."
I laugh as I turn back to adress the recruits again. "Now, I would actually like to quickly emphasize one of the points that Chief Gilda made: this war is against the Griffonite Empire, not griffons as a whole. I would like you all to remember that. Moving on, I believe that it's finally about time I introduce myself. I am Lieutenant Colonel Briar, and you may call me a variety of things, including 'Lute,' 'Lutie,' 'Luke,' 'Kernie,' or any other witty nickname you can derive from 'Lieutenant Colonel', as I honestly don't give a damn. However, it might be simpler just to call me 'sir'."
I heard a number of laughs from the recruits.
"Okay, good, some of you did laugh. Anyway, as you might have heard during the Princess' speech several days ago, I also have a 'Combat-Brevet' of Brigadier General. What does that mean? Well, let me break it down. A 'brevet' is a temporary promotion to a higher rank, which usually given when an officer needs to be of a higher rank for a particular operation, and the like. Thus, a 'Combat-Brevet', is a brevet given whenever combat is involved."
I take some time to take a quick breather, before continuing.
"To sum it all up, whenever any combat occurs -- with the enemy, that is -- my rank is automatically brevetted from Lieutenant Colonel to Brigadier General, thus making me the highest-ranking officer in the field. Outside of combat, I only have to answer to my lone superior, Col. Sparkle, with the exception of the Princesses, of course."
I let out a deep sigh, resulting in a couple chuckles from the recruits.
"If you think this was bad, I have to do this several more times after all of you."
More laughs.
"Moving on, I would like to talk about what I'm here to talk to you all about in the first place. I would like to talk to you about how my corps -- the Tactical Operations and Stategic Warfare Corps -- will be directly working with Maj. Pie's Special Forces Division of her Light Infantry and Special Forces Corps, especially the Scout Brigade, which by the way is led by Chief Warrant Officer Gilda. The reason why we're working with the Special Forces Division is because...well, for tactical and strategic reasons."
Laughs again.
"Well, that and perhaps the fact that Chief Gilda and I are so far the only ones in the Tactical Operations and Strategic Warfare Corps, and we might feel a bit lonely at times."
More laughs, and then a short awkward silence, before Chief Gilda broke it with a question to me.
"Sir? Is that really all?"
"Surprisingly, but fortunately, yes, it is; we do have to do this several more times, remember?"
Yet more laughs; I was really glad that these recruits were letting humor get to them, as I had feared that many of them wouldn't.
"Oh, and here comes Maj. Pie."
Maj. Pie made her way onto the makeshift stage we had been on, and I started and ended our salute. I then greeted her loud enough for the recruits to hear.
"Thank Celestia you're the Element of Laughter, Maj. Pie. If you weren't, I doubt that I would have gotten any of the laughs I got from your recruits, even the ones that were at actual jokes!"
Many more laughs from the recruits, and Maj. Pie smiled widely. "I've trained them well, sir!"
Maj. Pie then turned back to her recruits and ordered them to follow 1st Lt. Bon Bon, while Chief Gilda and I made our ways back off the stage to wait to do all of this over again with Maj. Pie's next batch of recruits.
--Design & Development Division ~~ Captain (P) Rarity
--Design Brigade ~~ Captain (P) Rarity
--Development Brigade ~~ 2nd Lieutenant OC Spot
--Intelligence Field-Army
A/N: The Intelligence Field-Army only consists of the Tactical Operations & Strategic Warfare Corps, but the structure of the corps is rather complex. It is inter-twined with some of divisions and/or brigades that are under the other corps. The divisions/brigades in question are included under this corps as well as their original corps to maintain a total fluency of information among corps. Divisions and brigades from other corps are marked with an ** instead of the default --. Additionally, the only Warrant Officers in the REA are in this corps, and only answer to superior Warrant Officers, to LTC/B-CBG Briar, and the Princess.
--Tactical Operations & Strategic Warfare Corps (aka TacOS War Corps) ~~ Lieutenant Colonel/Combat-Brevet Brigadier General Briar
--Battlefield Strategy Division ~~ Lieutenant Colonel/Combat-Brevet Brigadier General Briar
After the initial surge of recruiting ended, the training of those recruits began, led by their respective Corps heads...with the exception of Col. Sparkle, who was replaced by 1st Lieutenant Lyra. Since my corps didn't have any recruits to train -- though we did have some new officers -- I had decided to do some research (the very same idea that I had proposed all the way back in Ponyville) and was joined by Chief Warrant Officers 5 Gilda and John -- the latter being the head of the new Research Division of my corps -- as well as Col. Sparkle, who had actually given me temporary superiority over her, since this research was for my corps. However, unlike my original idea, we were doing our research in the Canterlot Archives, as opposed to the Ponyville library.
We had seemed to form our own little system: while Chief John and Col. Sparkle combed through the many bookshelves in the bowels of the library, Chief Gilda helped me look through the books they teleported over to us, where we were sitting at a large table while I used the information from the books to sketch out some possible battle formations and maneuvers, potential ways to exploit the enemies known and possible other weaknesses, as well as some basic sketches of weapon ideas. In fact, I was drawing like a madstallion!
We continued this process in near-silence for a long while, before Col. Sparkle began browsing through a particular that was close enough to place Chief Gilda and I within earshot.
"Chief Gilda?"
"Yes Colonel?"
"If you don't mind me pointing out, I've noticed that you seem to be...different from when you had visited Ponyville...You can go ahead and drop formalities for this, by the way." She pauses before adding, "Well, if that's okay by you, lieutenant, since you're my temporary superior."
"Frankly, Colonel, I don't give a damn." I say, not looking up from my sketching.
"Well, believe it or not, I had actually felt bad about everything that had happened."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Let's just say that when you're left to yourself for so long, you end up getting hit by thoughts and feelings that you would never have expected having."
"Happens to me all the time." I still don't look up.
"Yeah, you've always needed to get out more."
"You should take your own advice, Colonel."
Col. Sparkle hesitated. "Good point. Anyway, what exactly do you mean by that, Chief?"
"Well, what I had determined was that I would have to change my personality so that I wouldn't be so...brash. And..." She paused. "...and somehow I managed to do it."
Once again, I don't look up. "Again; happens to me all the time."
Col. Sparkle seemed to try to call a bluff I wasn't giving. "How?"
"You know how I act more mature around some ponies than others, and can change on a whim?"
"Yeah..."
"Good. Then I don't have to explain myself further."
There was a good ten seconds of awkward silence before Chief John broke it with a half-shout from a farther-away bookshelf. "Seems legit, sir!"
"I thought we were dropping formalities."
"I had said that I didn't give a damn, not whether we were or weren't."
"You're a sneaky son of a bitch, lieutenant!"
"YES I AM! And I need to be, too."
"I guess it's a good thing you are, th--"
"SIR!" Chief John shouted from what sounded like much further into the library.
"What is it, Chief?"
"You...might want to take a look at this..."
I looked up for the first time in the entire conversation. "Can you not teleport it?"
"I...don't want to risk it."
My eyes widened, mainly due to what I knew about Chief John. First, there was a reason why I had made him a Chief Warrant Officer 5 (like Gilda). Second, Chief John is extremely well-read, and would know if he had come across something big. Lastly, he is incredibly talented with magic, and is easily capable of safely teleporting even the most fragile of parchments; however, his judgement of when to use his magic is even greater than his skill with magic itself. Long story short, I knew without any doubt that he had come across something big. Something very big.
"On my way, Chief!"
"Should we join you, sir?"
'Absolutely. Knowing Chief John, he wouldn't do this unless it was something huge."
**********
"Chief...if there was a Warrant Officer rank above CW5 I would promote you to it right now..."
I couldn't believe what was laying open on the table I was now sitting at. It was something that should no longer exist -- due to having supposedly been lost in a fire several eras ago, which lead to the famous legend about what possibly was in it -- but it was something that predated the start of the Princess' original dual-reign by at least several millenia!
"Well, you could buy me dinner--"
"Consider it done!"
"I'll go get the Princess; she'll want to see this."
"I'm surprised you haven't left already, Colonel, because you're only preaching to the choir at this point. But make sure you personally escort her here; that should suffice to clue her on the sheer magnitude of this find."
**********
"Please tell me you promoted him for this, lieutenant."
"He's buying me dinner since I'm already a CW5, Princess. And besides, finding this is enough of a reward itself!"
"Well, that truly depends on what it is, as we could be mistaken. But one thing's for certain: these pre-date even the Pre-Classical Era."
"Your majesty, do you think you would be able to make a copy of this? Not that I don't trust you, Colonel..."
"Well I don't trust me!"
The Princess takes a deep breath. "I can, but even I will have to be extremely careful, especially due to it's age. If and when I can make a copy of it, then we can make more copies from that copy so we can experiment with some ways to make the writing more readable. But even then, it's likely going to be in an ancient language."
"Fortunately, I'm familiar with quite a few..."
"Really?"
"Yeah...I guess that you could say that -- to use a word that Maj. Dash would -- I'm also...somewhat of an egghead...heh heh..."
"Well, regardless, the copying process will take at least several hours, but considering the sheer number of military diagrams within, it should be worth the wait, pending a translation by you, lieutenant."
"We'll take our leave so you can concentrate, Princess."
"Thank you Col. Sparkle; I'll summon you all back when it's finished. Until then, you are all dismissed."
I am currently working with Johnfreemanwepon on the actual battle strategies, combat, etc. In case you're wondering, yes, he is Chief Warrant Officer 5 John in the story. Don't expect anything for a while - a long while, but you could expect the beginning of the actual good shit when I do update.
I love you all, too. ~Brendan Kirk "Da Beejees" Julian