A collection of CB fanfics featuring a darker, grittier reimagining of Equestria and Earth
These are stories set in the conversion bureau universe, with a twist. Often designed to address the other side of the balance, I try to give something unique in these stories other than "human becomes pony". They are raw, unfiltered and could probably be improved, but you may enjoy them.
It's a darker and sometimes slightly twisted take on my little pony, so tread carefully. If you want happy pastel ponies, look elsewhere. If you want gritty and cutting, you're in the right place. That's not to say it's grimdark out the wazoo, but it's not going to be entirely shipping and tea parties.
Mikey swore as the rock came down on his thumb. He stood up quickly, holding his hand, waving it about. He snarled at the can and booted it. It flew through the air and shattered a window, rattling around inside the house. He heard what sounded like an old-style tube television burst.
“Who the hell has those any more? Probably a retro-collector...”
Mikey eyed the window, he could probably climb in, but he didn’t fancy adding another injury today. He would try the door. A makeshift crowbar and surprisingly enough non-shatterproof glass meant he could open the damn thing. The latch turned. He rummaged around inside their kitchen but failed to find a can-opener. He retrieved his can and took it outside again. It would be dark soon, well... darker. It never got dark any more, not since the sky had changed. He shivered, that nagging feeling of being watched played over him again, but he pushed it to the back of his mind and raised the brick before bringing it down on the can. He rained blows upon it before it finally split a seam. He was hungry enough that he just ripped it further open and upended the tin of beans into his mouth and started eating them cold.
“Ugh,” came a voice, “you feces-flinging primates are ever so disgusting.”
Mikey whirled, picked up the brick and threw it at the pony. It bounced off in a purple flash of light and shattered as it impacted the plascrete parkway. He snarled meaninglessly and took a cold metallic object from his waistband. Pulling the trigger, he emptied the entire clip at the beast before he threw the gun itself after the bullets. It was just as useful as the ammo it had carried, which was to say not at all. The pony had barely even flinched.
“Are you quite finished? I got this shield spell idea from watching your ridiculous excuses for entertainment. I based it off the shield that surrounded our world itself. Impenetrable, almost. At least for anything you could do it is. I can leave you here, you know, to wallow in your filfth as your world is eaten away, or you can follow me.”
“Why would I follow you, you goddamn piece of shit!” Mikey spat.
“Because, monkey, I know the way out. I was sent, for my sins, to rescue the last of you two-legged hairless retards from an unknown fate and to deliver you to a slightly better-known fate. Or not, it’s up to you.”
“What if I like it here?”
“Then you may stay.” the pony turned around and flicked his tail, seemingly searching as his head wove backwards and forwards, “Come, the topology is highly unstable in this region, it will collapse soon. We have... I don’t know, somewhere between minutes, hours and days. Maybe a week, tops, before everything here succumbs.”
“Succumbs to what?”
“Universal manifold collapse, you simpleton. The weight of your reality is no longer self-sustaining, not in this local pocket of space-time. It’s been getting smaller, or hadn’t you noticed?”
The pony was right. The world was not what it once was. Mikey remembered - it wasn’t long ago but it seemed like forever. The world had been a lone, shining beautiful jewel hanging in space and it all belonged to god’s own, man. Then those damned ponies had come. Their... bubble, locking away riches to tempt the weak behind an impenetrable barrier, offering it freely... to those who turned away from their humanity. Equestria, foolsgold. Their world, merely an island at first, or so it seemed, had appeared from nowhere. Then it had started growing, and growing... Mikey remembered in the last days how space and time had become... jumbled. Parts of the world became sealed off behind miniature bubbles of their own, but these bubbles were seemingly... somehow they were complete and not at the same time. Eggheads had spun tales about ‘four dimensional geometry’ but he could smell bullshit when he heard it. He’d been told to evacuate. He had stayed... and then, then the sky had changed. He’d woken up one morning to a purple shining sky and impenetrable walls of energy surrounding what was left of this once great human metropolis, and he was the last one in it. No ponies, no humans, nothing. Rats didn’t count, neither did pigeons. At first he could see beyond the barrier wall, but then it had become opaque. He’d sat at the wall for days, or it had felt like days. He’d laughed, cried, swore, promised, cajoled, threatened... but nothing had worked. He was now the most important man in the city, just like he’d promised himself he would be. He was the only man in the city, and every day the city got smaller, inch by implacable inch.
“If you’re going to come, come now, monkey. I am the greatest thaumatician Equestria has ever produced, but even I cannot prevent a universal matrix from collapsing.”
“You just want me to follow you?” Mikey asked, scratching his beard with one hand whilst picking at his armpit with the other.
“Yes, I’ll try to stay upwind so I don’t have to smell you. Grab on to my tail, without physical contact, as much as I loathe you hairless beasts, I cannot guarantee you will stay within the same locale as I.”
“I hate the idea just as much as you, you four-legged freak.” spat Mikey
“I doubt it. I had to work with you... you creatures every day. You’re looking at possibly the only non-human member of the HLF. Yeah, that’s right, the HLF. I don’t want your scum infecting my country any more than you want our kind mingling with yours. I’ve been to the dress clubs, I’ve met with your leaders, such as they are. Perverted pelt-freaks the lot of them. I had all the women I could want, you know. They threw your females at me in those places, said it was the perfect cover. I just think they liked watching. Don’t think they didn’t enjoy themselves too. It may have been the perfect cover, but there’s nothing in the rules against enjoying yourself.”
Mikey spluttered, “We humans would never...”
“Oh please,” the pony spat, “you were doing it long before we showed up. Dress clubs were neutral ground, idiot. HLF, PER, the various task-forces, both human and equestrian - they all frequented those clubs. Nopony talks about what goes on behind those doors, pony gotta have his vices. Makes discussing prisoner and information exchanges a lot easier, just slip the odd data-stick in with the credit sticks and paper notes, whisper the odd code-word as you pretend to kiss... all neat, all clean - mostly - and all secret. I’ve got the pictures to prove it. I’m one of the only ponies ever to have bionic implants. Double agent. Triple, really. First and foremost, I work for my goddess, Celestia, or more correctly her younger sister, Luna.”
Mikey hissed and the pony turned his head, “Easy, your ugliness. Don’t think I don’t know how often your royalty are referred to as looking like horses. I take it as a compliment. Anyway, first for equestria, now and always. Then I work for your human president, or I did whilst she was still human and there was still a president. Then I worked for the HLF.”
The pony led the way through the abandoned city, seemingly turning at random. He would tap open doors and walk through buildings, go up and down stairways and stop in blind alleys, counting to himself.
“What the hell are you doing, meetwurst?” yelled Mikey.
“Shut up, monkey. I’m reading the flux... look, you want to amuse yourself? Pick up something and throw it down the alley. Try not to hit the walls.”
“You what? It’s fifteen feet across!”
“Yeah, do it. I know you monkeys can fling shit at each other, so I’m pretty sure you can manage a rock down the alley.”
Mikey hefted a rock, he considered bashing the pony’s brains in with it, but at this point was honestly intrigued. He drew back his arm and let fly. The rock sailed through the air, curved, and slammed into the wall. Mikey blinked, and threw another rock. It did it again.
“What did you do?”
“I told you, topology is shifting. You might think we’re walking in circles, but I’m plotting for us the only way out of this city.”
“You can’t get out of this city! It’s... it closed up! The sky changed!”
“Then how, shit-for-brains, did I get in?”
Mikey fish-mouthed for a few minutes, then asked, “Assuming you’re not lying and I haven’t just not seen you... how did you get in?”
The pony smiled, “I am the greatest thaumatician in all of equestria. Many years ago, monkey, I found a spell. Our world, you see, suffers from an influx of meta-stable energy fields that results in our reality being a relatively tenuous one, and it had a tendency to shrink. During one of these shrinkages, I measured the flux in the energy fields. I perfected a spell to push outwards, to steal energy from a universe that was, in theory, infinite and expanding. I’d do both universes a favour, that way. The hypothetically infinite universe would gain billions of years of extra life before heat-death claimed it, and our universe would expand immeasurably, at the cost of a small slice of local space-time being seized and converted.”
“You mean,” said Mikey, as he picked at an ear, “Equestria appearing, and devouring our world, was your plan all along?”
“Beautiful, isn’t it? I remove the blemish on your reality called ‘mankind’ and in return, our universe gets an influx of cheap labour and eager workers so that ponies like myself can have a more comfortable retirement. Your assimilation was complete, human. The serum was simple, relatively easy to manipulate. I gave our newfoals the greatest of gifts - happiness.”
“You monster!” yelled Mikey, and let go of the tail.
“Oh hardly, not from where I’m standing. I gave billions of you humans a new, comfortable happy and productive life. I gave them families, freedom from disease, freedom from poverty, a purpose in life. I gave you undeserving shit-flingers heaven, and all at the cost of one teeny tiny little thing. No more fingers. Your children are now our children, your ways are now our ways. Humanity is reduced to a cosmic joke and the punchline is that every conspiracy theory you window-licking short-bus riding disgusting little savages could dream up is outshone by the real deal. I worked the greatest crime in the history of ponykind, and I walked away scott-free. I gave you heaven and wiped you out, and I didn’t harm a hair on your flea-ridden heads. You thanked me for it! And one other thing...”
Mikey looked at his hands, balled into fists. He looked up at the pony, horn glowing, “What?”
“I told you not to let go of my tail.” the pony fled. He galloped off around the corner. Mike screamed and shouted, picking up rubble and throwing it after the four-legged abomination, but when he rounded the corner, the pony was gone. Instead he met with a group of several hundred dirty, disgusting, muddy, dishevelled humans. They were crowding around a streak of brilliant purple light. Mikey could see something squirming inside the bulging column. He dropped the makeshift weapons and ran closer. The crowd parted and he came face to face with horror.
The energy wall was brightly charged and flexing. It bulged out like a pus-filled blister. Inside the blister... was a girl, a woman. She was writing in pain.
“The wall it just... burst, and then it swallowed her! I can’t get her out!” said a man, he slammed his fists on the wall but it barely registered the contact. The woman inside was wide-eyed and screaming. Her eyes went even wider as the bubble contracted... and contracted. She opened her mouth even wider but no sound came out. Instead a red frothing liquid boiled out as the cavity shrank ever smaller, too small to hold a human. Her silent, agonized screams stopped as her body went limp, compressed into a bundle of snapped bones and crushed organs that liquefied as Mikey watched. He turned away. He retched when the strange bubble burst and a fetid lump of what used to be human fell into the street.
He wept. Humans were almost extinct, and the universe had chosen to take another one. The mocking laughter of the pony rang in his ears as the crowd shuffled away from the barrier.
The hours passed, and the barrier shrank. It had sped up, now. The end would be coming very, very soon. Mikey almost welcomed it. He walked calmly to the boiling, frothing wall and put forth a hand to touch it. The barrier felt like warm glue as it enveloped his hand. He stared dumbly at it for a few seconds before registering what had happened. Then he ran back and fetched the others.
They argued, they fought, they came to blows, but Mikey was determined, “I am a man,” he said, “there is no fate but what I make. I’m not going to sit here and piss myself in fear. I’ll go out the way I came in, kicking and screaming, on my own two feet. Whoever is with me, take my hand, form a chain, and follow.”
Mikey felt a hand in his; pink and mostly hairless, skin-covered, five fingers. He gripped it. This was the day, he thought to himself, that he had been waiting for. He grit his teeth and walked into the pink mist, and kept on walking.
Note: Okay ponies, I didn't intend originally to post this yet, nor here, but... I'm interested in hearing what you think. I don't think there are all that many watching particularly this story as it was kind of a one-shot, so it's as good a place as any to drop this strange piece which my muse demanded I write. It is raw, unfiltered, un-checked and un-edited but you may find it interesting. I don't usually write in this style, but this time it fit. I will be editing it once finished (it will be in two parts).
“Midnight Shadow, attend your princess.”
It was not a request, it was a command. I pulled myself blearily out of bed and staggered onto my hooves to see Princess Luna standing before me. I momentarily had a flash of embarasment at being naked, but as my memories returned and the beffudlement of sleep left me I remembered, I don’t wear clothes any more.
I was a pony, a unicorn pony to be precise, dark blue of pelt and sunset-hued of mane and tail. Marked as one of Her Royal Highness’ subjects, she had sought me out oh-so-long ago and hired me.
The confusion was due to the simple extra fact that was so easy to forget. I had not been born a pony. I had been born a man, in a world all but long passed for the majority of the population. Memories flashed through my mind of a desperate flight across a dying landscape, snatching what solace could be had, of my last meal as a human, my first meal as a pony. I had been Converted many, many years ago. It shocked me sometimes, thinking just how many years and how little I had aged. Maybe it was because I was a unicorn, maybe it was my second body. maybe it just didn’t show.
“My princess,” I spoke formally, bowing, “to what do I owe this honour?”
“No time for that now, Shadow dear, I need you to follow me. Your old room-mate and her five friends have already made haste. You and I are also taking the express route.
I hung my head, I hated long-distance teleportation.
What seemed like moments later, for truly not much preparation had been necessary, the rumbling thunder and flashings of light surpassed and my vision cleared to reveal a bubble.
“The Border? My Lady?”
“Aye, Midnight, the Border between our world... and your old home.”
“This, this makes no sense - Equestria is the bubble, Earth...”
Luna shook her head, sadly.
Many years ago, before I had hooves, an island nation appeared overnight in the middle of the Atlantic. This island nation was no ordinary island. More miraculous than its appearance was its inhabitants. A great, almost invisible barrier protected it from the human world, Mundus Mundi. Inside the 'bubble' lived a peaceable race of equines. They spoke, they dressed, they built. They lived and worked in great communities, even cities, but that wasn’t all. Split into three main races, the earth ponies were not unlike, externally at least, our Terran ponies had been, according to the history books. Morphology was where the similarity stopped, however. They were intelligent, some intensely so, and immensely strong. Next came something even more wondrous, the pegasi. Like the winged beasts of legend, these little ponies ruled the skies and lived and worked amongst the clouds. Literally, they walked upon them as if they were solid ground. Even more amazing than that, a third race. The unicorns. These creatures were equine in shape, with a horn adorning their foreheads. Imbued with some indescribable and indecipherable power to manipulate reality around them, they could work real magic.
Ruling them were the most amazing creatures of all. Two winged unicorns, referred to as alicorns, sat on the throne; twin princesses. One of the day, her multi-coloured mane sparkling with all the colours of the aurora and as beautiful as the day is long - Celestia. The other, dark blue, with a mane that shone with the fires of the night sky. My princess, the one I owed my full allegiance to. Luna. I adored the day, but the night was what I called home. I couldn’t understand it, but I had an affinity, something which I can only assume my princess saw when she took me into her employ.
And now, she had come to request my service.
“The barrier?” I repeated, “It has... inverted?”
Luna nodded, sadly, “The planet is falling sway to Equestria. Soon, there will be no more Earth. All will be ours, and mankind will be but a memory.”
I hung my head. The peaceful genocide, they were calling it. The good war. The friendly conquest. Euphamisms for the most bloodless, friendly and good-natured act of mass destruction carried on and on.
It was a terrible thing, when you thought about it. The nation, the realm, of Equestria had expanded its borders. The magical barrier had grown somehow along with the landmass. Soon it crossed the oceans and began to swallow the continents of Earth. Animals and plants were unaffected, but higher forms of primate life - mankind and the great apes - were struck dead by it. Indeed, the barrier was nothing but a soap-bubble to everything else. To humans, it was an immutable object. A fact that had struck down many would-be terrorists and refugees alike before they’d learned.
I, myself, had been witness to it’s devastatingly implacable nature when kidnapped and driven across the country by madmen seeking to gain entrance to plunder Equestria. I had lied, sort of, by omitting the fact that whilst the barrier would accept me, and the van I was being held in along with my friends, it would never, ever accept them. When the van had progressed through the barrier, the men inside it... had not.
Years later the griffons and the dragons would wage a short war on mankind for what had to be imagined tales of slights and misdeeds from ages past. They had erected their own shield barriers and wiped out whole settlements of humans in an instant. Whole cities struck silent as their populace were reduced to something of the consistency of chunky salsa inside their own homes, unable to escape the invisible hand of fate.
War had not come en masse, for the humans could not strike back and Equestrians do not lightly make war, but they did render such cross-realm traffic needlessly difficult and harsh for friend and foe alike. The attacks had stopped.
Now... now the barrier had inverted. Where once tiny Equestria was at the mercy of whatever vagaries had permitted its expansion in the first place, now the last refuges of mankind were under final assault.
It should all have been so easy to avoid, except for that stubborn, proud, amazing human nature. In an uncaring universe that seemed hellbent on their destruction through sheer apathy, mankind had grown strong on the backs of bribery, threats and extortion. we extolled the virtues of peace and friendship whilst embodying cruelty and viciousness. We, quite simply, raped, pillaged and murdered our way to the top of the foodchain. If nature was red in tooth and claw, then so was Man. Some thought it terrible, awful, but I didn't agree with this. In an uncaring universe, you must be strong, you must fight. Man fought. It had made me proud, in a way.
Then one day, so very long ago, I had given all of that up. Equestria was set, from the beginning, to wipe mankind from the face of the planet, so the Equestrians and our best and brightest came up with an alternative to mass extinction. Assimilation. We were offered a choice, a potion which would transform a human into one of the three pony forms. Once we were Equestrian, we could escape crushing inevitable death and pass through the barrier unharmed. I had changed myself relatively quickly, safely and without issues. I had become a unicorn, so long ago was it now that I barely remembered my own name. I'd spent more of my life as a pony than as a man, so my allegiance to that old tribe was one of formality and my own sense of fairplay.
For years afterwards I had looked into the mirror and wondered if the man I had used to be had died. Sometimes I wished he had, othertimes I wept for his memory, but mostly I was happy beyond the dreams I had ever had before.
I was... relatively famous for a while. The princess’ student, a newfoal at that. Seemingly inept at magic, posessing no great and obvious skills above the norm, the princess had seen something in me. She had patience, nerve, and forethought.
Now, years later, I was an accomplished mage and a well-learned scholar of the new forms of physics which linked our two realities. I, almost alone of my kind, understood the barrier between Earth and Equestria.
“Then why are we here? Surely there are no humans left?”
Luna shook her head, “No, the fools refused the potion. They would rather die on two legs than live on four. They come here, to the centre, to live, pray and wait to die.”
“Is there nothing we can do?”
“I refuse to be a monster!” Luna shouted, suddenly, taking to the air, her eyes glowing.
“You... can turn back the tide? Keep this little bubble of reality alive for them?”
The alicorn princess shook her head, “rip our universe in two as if it were some plaything? Nay, I have not that power, little one.”
“Then they will die.”
“No, dear student, I have an alternative.”
“But... what? What can you do? There is no place left on Earth for them to go!” I cried, stomping my forehooves angrily. It was then that she smiled, and I looked up.
The answer was above me. It was ludicrously obvious. It had been there for so long that I forgot about it. Even I, dweller of the night.
“You’re going to send them to the moon?”
Luna smiled again. I shivered. “No,” she said, “nothing quite that simple. I am going to build them a world. See, even now my herd comes. My children. This is what Celestia feared, when the Madness was still upon me, before I was healed and that healing broke the Seal. She feared I would call upon my people and take them to battle.”
“Why...” I gasped, watching as thousands upon thousands of unicorns, hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, trudged across the landscape. Some were solemn and regal, others laughed and played, but all of them looked at Luna, “why are you calling them all here?”
“We need to move some forty thousand humans and all that they have through the vacuum of space to an airless planetoid and then transform it into something liveable. It will take more than just you and I.”
I blushed, her chiding words couched in a beneficient smile that warmed my heart, “Then am I to join the herd?”
“No, Midnight, for you are the fulcrum. Your magic is not so great and powerful, little mage, but your mind is quick. More to the point, you are my scribe, tasked with recording history. This, then, is history in the making. the last act of Ponykind for Mankind which will cleanse us of our sins.
My mind latched on to one word: fulcrum.
“My princess, what is it that you want of me?”
“You must observe, Midnight. You must stand and watch, for every act needs an observer. An act as large as this... requires a special observer. Raise your horn skyward, unicorn, and receive my blessing.
I did as I was told. When a goddess asks you to do something, you do it. Never had she done me wrong but still... I was scared. I closed my eyes and trembled. there was the lightest of touches on my horn and what felt like a jolt of power shot through me from that point at the very tip. it burned, scouring through my frame like a wave of flame. I cried out and opened my eyes... and saw.
We were in the air, now, thousands of feet in the air. Below me stretched the earth... more than that, below me stretched The Earth. The Last of The Earth. it was enclosed in a translucent bubble that was the apparent texture of soap, iridescent and gleaming. And shrinking. Around it was an unending tide of colours. Ponies, in their millions, all advancing. Each one a unicorn. There were earth ponies directing the hoof-traffic, pegasi reporting on motions and flitting back and forth with updates, but the vast number were unicorns. I could feel them now, feel them as if they were the sun, a warmth on my body. I communed with them and my mistress on some deep, instinctual level that sang in the blood.
“You hear it, don’t you Midnight? The herd?”
I nodded, a ridiculous gesture whilst hanging in space. I laughed, throwing back my head and emptying my lungs with mirth. My voice, greatly expanded, rocked from horizon to horizon. I felt alive, more alive than I ever had before.
“Easy, Midnight, easy. Take it easy. You’re not used to such power flowing through you. It is alicorn magic, tapped through me, that I freely lend you for this task.”
“Am I, then, an alicorn?”
Luna laughed at my pretentiousness, chastising lightly, “Nay little one, you are but a unicorn. This, above all things, is why you must be careful. The candle that burns at both ends burns twice as bright, but half as long. Take care lest you burn out.” she punctuated the last two words with a physical tap on my chest. I lowered my gaze in shame.
“You have grown accomplished with magic, Midnight Shadow, but you most excel at manipulation of the physical. This is a common trait amongst converted newfoals, one noticeably lost from your offspring. I believe it is something to do with the way your minds work. The unicorns you see beneath you are newfoals, like yourself. They pledge themselves to Equestria when converted and my sister and I see every one as they visit us in their dreamstate. My sister claims those of the day, I those of the night. It has ever been thus. Some, most, like yourself, embody a little of both.”
“I never knew.” I said
Luna shook her head, “If you had thought to ask the question, you would have known. still, this lecture serves little purpose now. My herd will do what they must. They will lift the entire western seaboard into the air, take mental hold of it, and transport it to it’s final location. You, Midnight, will make sure that it and them arrive safely and, more importantly, stay safe.”
“What is there on the moon to cause harm?” I laughed
Luna sighed, “Sometimes I despair. There will be two things on the moon that are dangerous beyond measure. The first, silly stallion, is lack of an atmosphere.”
My cheeks reddened, burning, “I know a spell for creating a bubble of air.”
“Aye, this I know. Many times have I replayed your attempts at conversing with the fishes in the seas, including the times you almost drowned and my personal contingents of guards had to rescue your silly hide, coughing and spluttering from the depths.”
She laughed again at my discomfort, “You lived, and you learnt. This, then, is the same task.”
“My princess,” I asked, “if at atmosphere is the first danger, what is the second?”
“Reach out, Midnight. Reach out with your magic and just feel the bubble. Do not attempt to fashion your magic, do not attempt to halt the movement of the gateway, lest it swallow you. Between this world and that lies madness, chaos, pure creation and destruction wrapped up in an eternal instant. Touch it, with the briefest of tendrils, and one such as yourself will be swallowed by it.”
I swallowed, nervously, even as I adjusted my levitation spell. Her voice was light, instructional, imparting knowledge of certain doom as one would caution a foal about drinking too quickly from a bowl of broth.
“Stare too long into the abyss, we used to say, and it will stare back through you.”
“Aye, young Midnight. Attend, the Herd rises.”
The spell was taking hold now. I could feel the herd beneath us as the princess and I floated in the air. Ordinarily I would have plummeted like a rock by now - indeed, more than once in my attempts at spellcasting I had plummeted like a rock and been barely saved an ignoble death. This time, with the fires of the night burning in my veins, it was effortless. I leaned into what felt like a deep pool of clear water - this ‘alicorn magic’ which Luna had spoken of - and soaked in it. I revelled in it. With new eyes I could not only see, but feel the throng beneath me as parts of the western united states rumbled and shook with the growing aura of pure magic being exerted. The absurdity of it struck me and I could hardly stop laughing. Their struggles as each sought to take a piece of the land and lift it was flexing the stuff of matter itself. The bubble’s shrinkage increased as the sheer exultation in thaumic release sought to repair the rift between our realities.
“Midnight,” snapped Luna, “pay attention. Take their wandering spellcasting and focus it!”
I blinked, chastized once more. I Looked at the land beneath me, spread out like a quilt, and fastened my mental grip upon the grabbing exertations of the herd. I smoothed them over, shaped them, pulled and pushed, easing them into a cohesive whole. My heart beat faster, my limbs shook, but it was glorious. The power, as I submerged myself within it, caressed my mind and sang to me. I realised that I commanded the elements. I lifted, pulled, coaxed... and what had to be millions of megatons of rocks, water, earth and living creatures broke free of the cradle.
Give me a lever big enough, a wise man had once said, and I could move the world.
I had that lever. I was that lever. On the one side lay the herd and my princess, on the other lay California. I hung in the balance and pushed.
It was so easy, so ridiculously easy. I flexed my magical muscles and eased the nigh but unimaginable bulk into the sky. My consciousness expanded outwards, rising as if on the peak of some great mountain, encompassing the sky. My ears brushed the tips of space, my tail all but wrapped around the planet. My hooves strode across the solar system and there, before my muzzle, hung a precious jewel of green and blue. I breathed out across it, and my breath washed across the land in an inexorable tide. The gift of life, the breath from my astral lungs, hung heavy around the little playthings inside my newest toy. I could hear them, see them, running and screaming as their buildings collapsed and their cities crumbled. I sought to calm them, soothe them, protecting their small, pink, fleshy hairless bodies from debris. As the bonds of Earth were slipped free, the destruction ceased. I could hear them wailing and crying, abjuring their sky-masters for solace, and thought them rather puny and pathetic. What had their assumed creators done for them lately? Left them to die in their ignorance. I, on the other hand, I held them cradled in my grasp. I alone lent them protection and safety. Several million unicorns, a bare forty-something thousand humans. The last. It would be so easy, I thought to myself, to leave them to their fate. I pondered this as I rose into the Great Black, my blue pelt aflame and my mane and tail incandescent as the stars themselves. My mistress would be most displeased. That alone gave me pause from crushing their remains into dust.
I had formed a protective bubble around the island as it lifted into the skies. The equestrian reality split as the bubble of normal space left it. It was an exquisite pain when I followed the floating land-mass back out from my new home of Equestria to the larger universe of Man. I looked ‘up’, although being in orbit, that was somewhat subjective. And then I was there, and my prize with me.
The sky was black, deeper black than I had ever seen before, and it was already growing cold. I reinforced the bubble as best as I could, now that Equestria was far behind the only bubble was my own. I crossed the vast gulf of space in mere moments, my starlit hooves thumping through the ether, marking my passage through space itself with brilliant bursts of flame. I tossed my head and laughed, exulting in the power. I eyed the moon, demesnes of my mistress, and my destination. It seemed so small, now. A toy in my grasp.
“Princess Luna,” I called, “I am here.”
“Midnight, my subject, I must ask you now to let go. Hold them, hold them safe, but let go lest you be burnt.”
“As you wish.”
I steadied my mind as I had been taught so long ago. The secret of magic was concentration, to feel one with the universe, to tap that wellspring of Self and bring it out. Slowly, ever so slowly, I set the disk of blue and green afloat in the cosmos. It orbited the moon sedately, edge on. I caressed the herd gently, let them know they were loved, appreciated. They were deep in communion and did not respond physically or audibly, but I felt the answering call. All was well.
My attention was diverted elsewhere as I hung in the blackness; my mistress was teasing at the very fabric of space and time. Deep out in the solar system, where Sol, the source of light and life in this universe was naught but a meagre flame, powerful magics moved. The stuff of creation itself - matter - was spontaneously decomposing in titanic, cataclysmic explosions. Jupiter boiled, Pluto burst, Neptune melted. Minutes ago I had thought myself powerful for lifting a mere few gigatons. The true power of a goddess was revealed, and I felt ashamed.
Luna stripped the very elements themselves apart, rendering them down into base energy, igniting a second sun and using it to shift entire worlds. The fragments sped through space at great speed, but it would not be fast enough. The tenuous connection to Equestria was shrinking by the second, and we did not have the years it would take for such rubble to track the cosmos to where it was needed.
It was then that I was humbled again. Luna bent the very fabric of space and drew the outer solar system near to the core, and in moments the worldlets were coalescing in the same orbital arc as Earth had been.
I could not resist, I reached out a mental hoof, and dipped it into the maelstrom.
It burned, it frothed, it sang in my blood and my scream caused the planets to ring in concert. Just as I thought I would be lost, a soothing presence enveloped me.
“Foolish young unicorn, did you really think you could master the magic of creation itself in mere minutes?”
“Mistress, I...”
“Calm yourself, I have you. You dared to open Pandora’s Box, now you must see it through. Remember, I am with you. Fear not, you will not fall.”
I hurt, it pained me as Luna moulded space to her whim. My heartbeat, it felt like a star was aflame in my chest, rang in my ears as I watched her spellcasting. Rocks the size of continents drifted together, melding and joining under their own weight into a spherical ball. I felt her dip a hoof into the sun and draw forth the heat that would melt the core of the planet, felt her laughter as she set it spinning. The electromagnetic field sprang into life like a firecracker as time itself dance to her whim. She breathed life across the barren desert, gases from the gas giants and the outer planets washed the surface and mixed, expanding, to become an atmosphere. She took the animals and plants from my toy-world and set them free across the cooling landscape and we watched as they went forth and multiplied, thousands of years passing in mere moments.
Again I reached a hoof into the madness, and this time it held. My consciousness expanded again. Somewhere I could hear a small voice telling me to stop, to relinquish my magic, but I paid it no mind. How could I abandon such a beautiful thing as the powers of creation themselves? I felt the sun pulse with life as the planet spun beneath me. I laughed, it was like a yo-yo at the bottom of the string, spinning in place. I wrapped space around it and observed as life - animal and vegetable - streamed across the plains. Soon, so so soon, it was verdant and green.
I turned my attention back to the island orbiting the moon. There was a commotion. The strange creatures within were restless. One drove in a mobile carriage towards the edge of the world and jumped out. He was screaming incoherently as he raised a small stick. With a puff of smoke and a flash, I noticed dispassionately as hot lead sped through the air and struck one of my subjects. My subject was wounded, severely.
The calmness I had felt up to that point fled. Now I knew wroth. The spell to undo death was simple to one such as I. I plucked his mortal essence and reshaped it, removing the bullet. I placed the unicorn down and studied the lump of metal. I snarled and cast it into the sun, then I shifted my gaze back to the creature who had so dared to injure one of my own.
“You dare.” I said, my countenance was terrible to behold. I plucked him from his jeep and lifted him into space, an insignificant ant held in front of my face, “You do not deserve what has been made for you, you do not deserve forgiveness. Watch now, human, as the rest of your tribe are delivered.”
I teleported the landmass to the new planet. It landed in an ocean and sank, but the bubble around it kept it safe. I dragged it through the salty water and left it wedged against the continental plates, where the heat and pressure would anchor it for millenia to come. Idly, I took a grasping hold of my kin, the unicorns, even as another voice joined the first that had been insistently buzzing in my ears. I brushed them off, swatting at them like flies, even as I sent the unicorns through the weakening, faltering barrier between the realm of Equestria and this universe.
Finally, there were only two left. Myself, and the human. He wept, but I snarled. He did not deserve what had been given. I looked up, towards the sun. Yes, I thought to myself, that is fitting.
The depths of space, the stars. They were my home now. They burned through my very soul, but the coolness was refreshing. I towed the tiny creature behind me as I galloped through the emptiness, until I presented him to the sun.
“This is what kept your kind alive, human. This, the sun and others like it, made everything that you are. It is only fitting that to the sun you return.”
I cast the creature into the flames, watching as it burned. In moments, it was mere black dust, and then it was gone. I expanded my consciousness again, though it hurt. The sun shrank, became a pinprick of light, just one among billions. I reached out a hoof, across lightyears, and touched a great burning ball. It burst into flame and the heat caressed my body. It was so easy, mastery of time and space itself...
The pinpricks shrunk to motes, and the milky way danced around me on it’s multi-billion-year journey around the galactic core. My heart, long since lost amidst the song of the spheres, would have jumped as I spied that centre.
I reached out a hoof.
Space was so big, so black.
I reached out a hoof....
Space was so cold.
I reached out a hoof...
Why did it burn?
I reached out a hoof...
“Come home, Midnight.” said a voice.
***
I opened my eyes, coughed, spat. I tasted blood. “L-Luna?”
“Easy, Midnight, easy. I warned you, did I not?”
“I... where am I? Where was I?”
“You’re safe, you’re in Canterlot. You’re actually in my bed.”
I sat bolt upright, and then screamed. I rolled over, fell onto the cold floor, and lay there breathing heavily for a few minutes.
“Alicorn magic, young unicorn, is not for one such as you.”
“What did I do? What did I become?”
“Much as a leaf in a great torrent will be swept along, so too were you. Magic, however, is not like water. It affects the leaf in ways a mere river will not.”
“I... felt you shaping the universe. Is it always like that for you?”
Luna smiled, looking down at me, “Now you understand, perhaps, how it is for one such as I, and my sister.”
“I am... I am sorry.” I stood up, shakily, onto all four hooves.
“You do not need to be. You saved them, us, yourself.”
“Not that one I cast into the sun.”
“He lifted the gun, fired the first shot. What could have been a slaughter, was stopped there with one death. If you were not in your right mind enough to be merciful, be thankful at least for that.”
I bowed my head, “What will happen to them now?”
“They have a home now, amongst their stars. The same in many ways, only they are free of the shackles of Equestria.”
I winced as I realised I could not open the shutters to the room as we walked towards the royal balcony. my magic had been burned out.
Luna nuzzled me, “Your magic will come back. If it does not, you will learn to cope. You are made of tough stuff, all of your kind are. Removal of thumbs can hardly change that. Come!”
She threw open the shutters with a wave of her horn, and we walked into daylight. Equestrian daylight. Home.
an MLP:FiM Alternate Universe fanfic by Midnight Shadow set in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe originally by Blaze
Note: Rated T for Teen and for Titilation
Note: This is a VERY tongue-in-cheek piece that you should probably not read. Primarily because it's not finished, but also because of the subject matter, which is very risque (it's designed to be silly ONLY, though, it just needs a LOT more work). I've only put it up here and published it because I wanted something to try the new gdocs uploader, which really is rather spiffy. Fimfiction is now a bonafide better platform than ff.net.
***
“Do you need a little help with the brush, darling?” Erik asked his wife.
“No, no, but you can hold the mirror for me,” replied Cindy. As her husband adjusted the standing table-mirror, she stared intently at her reflection as she maneuvered the wooden-handled brush through her long flowing blonde locks. She frowned at her reflection, “Does it suit me?”
“Darling, you’re more beautiful than the day I met you,” said Erik, as he bent down and kissed his wife on her forehead, before replacing the mirror in it’s usual spot.
“Oh you’re just saying tha- oh my, is that the time? We’re going to be late!” the hairbrush fell to the floor as Cindy stood up in a rush, all but forgetting about it as she glanced at the old grandfather clock calmly ticking away in the corner of the dressing room.
“Calm down, honey, we’ll be fashionably late at most! You just need to help me get my saddle and bridle on, I’ve tried! I really have, but I just... can’t...” Erik spun in place as he attempted to do up the straps.
Cindy laughed to herself, “Love, I don’t know why you’re wearing that ridiculous getup!”
Erik huffed, “Do you know what I went through to get this? It’s not like I can afford to purchase a Rarity Original, all the way from Equestria, the normal way! This is real leather, donated by one of the old matriarchs of Ambassador Applejack’s cow herd after her death.”
“It smells awful.”
“It smells like leather. Expensive leather. It’s how leather is supposed to smell, not like that synth-leather crap the recombinators spit out.”
“Well you do look handsome in it. The hackamores are a real nice touch, who’d have thought that a saddle and bridle could look so... so... sexy, on a human?”
“One of us had to get dressed up for tonight!” laughed Erik, kissing his wife on her nose.
“Ponies don’t generally wear clothes, you know.”
“They do on special occasions!”
“Like I can afford something as classy as a Rarity Original,” sniffed Cindy. “I’d rather go naked than wear a fake.”
“Her new range is humans only, dearest, not newfoals. It’s all the rage - but I have promised you that Chauvin newfoal-line neck-strap bag for our anniversary. I’m still saving up, but I promise you!”
He bent down and hugged his ponified wife around her broad neck and kissed her on the mane before looking into her eyes and nose-rubbing. He stood up as she motioned for him to do so. Erik stood perfectly still whilst his unicorn wife exerted her magic to do up the saddle and bridle. As the light blonde-yellow glow faded he regarded himself in the mirror. Somehow, and he had to give it to Ambassador Rarity, her designs just blended perfectly with a tuxedo and tails.
There was a chime and the pair looked at each other before scrambling into motion. The taxi had arrived, pony-capable had cost quite a bit extra but the bi-annual Cross-Species Support Group dinner promised real alcohol and whilst he’d been lucky with the Rarity Original, he’d had to give up his self-drive van when new charges to cope with the extra software to handle the increase in newfoal pedestrian traffic had been deemed beyond the scope of the warranty. Mostly he didn’t miss it, but it would’ve saved them the taxi-fare.
“Ready, my love?” he asked Cindy.
“I would have asked you to hold my arm and escort me properly, honey, but... no arms. Only legs.” Cindy laughed.
“I believe the newfoal-human etiquette is for me to place my right hand on your left front shoulder.” said Erik.
“Ever the gentleman.” replied Cindy as her husband did so. Together, they exited their flat and stepped into the taxi. It sped off smoothly into the darkening streets.
***
Pulling up outside the convention centre, Erik stepped out of the taxi first and held his wife’s left forehoof gently as she stepped down off the power-lifter. Erik adjusted his outfit and paid off the driver with a wave of his hand. His wife had to carry a shoulder-bag for cash when she needed any, as the credit-chip implants wouldn’t last more than a week in a pony body. Tonight, Erik would be paying.
They walked together towards the building, nodding to the bouncers. In keeping with the night’s theme, one was human and the other a pony. Both looked like they’d rather be inside since it was getting chilly. Inside was almost stifling hot, even though the air conditioning was on full blast, not that anybody could tell. The music was so loud it completely drowned out everything but the loudest talking. Erik straightened his ensemble as the couple walked nervously into the limelight.. He was almost disappointed when his bridle got appreciative looks from human and pony alike. It was surprisingly comfortable, if a touch hot, but he had really expected it to be more... controversial somehow.
“Oh. My. Gosh!” bubbled an overly enthusiastic voice as an light purple earth pony cantered up and pranced around Erik and his wife. “It is! It is you! Cindy! I’d recognize you anywhere! It’s me! Penny! Only I go by the name Panpipes now! I’m with John, hey John!”
Erik looked vaguely and politely off in the direction Panpipes had waved a hoof at and raised a glass of punch he’d already scored and half-drained. He had no idea who this John was... some friend of Cindy’s, probably. Maybe from her work? Panpipes was still babbling on, he turned back to at least pretend to listen. There might be a test afterwards.
“...Oh yes, and I got my cutiemark almost the first night! I had trouble sleeping and pulled out my panpipes - tshah! Go figure, huh? - and was struggling to play them for hours until...”
Erik drained his glass of punch and snagged two more. The first he downed in one, the second he gave a mortal wounding. It was nice to know that ‘mutual’ friends still had the same effect on him as before his wife had been bitten by the pony bug, not that it changed the need for some Dutch Courage to smooth things over. He didn’t know how she did it, Cindy was murmuring noncommittally and the highly enthusiastic earth pony still hadn’t stopped prancing. He was getting dizzy.
“And that’s how Equestria was made! I’m going to go mingle, John so does get lonesome without me!”
“I bet,” snorted Erik, snagging a fourth drink. “Friend from work?” he asked as the four-hoofed prancing terror disappeared into the crowd.
“Yup,” replied Cindy, “good at what she does.”
“Need a drink?”
“Yup.”
Erik sauntered away to the drinks stand to fill up on a gin and fruitjuice mixer. Just as he lifted the heavenly brew to his lips, there was an ear-splitting shriek that made him jump even over the sound of the pounding bass. He spun around to find his wife in the arms of another woman. He vaguely remembered her from one of the meetings. She had a husband...
“Erik. Stealing my wife away as usual.”
“Darren! I didn’t recognize you there!” Erik exclaimed. He had turned around to see an imposing earth-pony stallion trotting up next to him.
“I go by Thunder Hooves now.”
Erik laughed, choking and coughing on the drink he was trying to imbibe, “Really?” he asked, wheezing. He punched himself on the chest, trying to clear his airways and hide the laughter.
“I... well okay, so it needs work. Pony names are hard to come by!”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Cindy’s been thinking about her pony name ever since she woke up on that table. Meadowflower, last week. Drink?” Erik snagged a larger, rounder pony-suitable cup and filled it with punch. He proffered it to ‘Thunder Hooves’ who took it gratefully and downed it in one. The stallion hiccuped and Erik caught the cup expertly before refilling it. They meandered back towards Cindy.
“So, still no hooves, huh? How’s life treating you?”
“Same old same old,” Erik replied, “sometimes it’s difficult.”
“How about,” the stallion lowered his voice, “in bed?”
Erik choked on his drink again, “I, er, we... we cuddle and, er...”
The stallion laughed, “I think I see why it’s difficult. Believe me, Erik, you just gotta get over it. You’re a person, she’s a person...”
“But she’s a pony.”
“Not an ‘Earth pony’, she’s an earth pony. It’s different.” Darren managed, with one hoof, to airquote.
“Are you telling me that you and...”
“Emmy.”
“Emmy are... intimate?”
‘Thunder Hooves’ had the biggest grin, “Well, you know how there’re those jocks always going on about ‘hung like a horse’? Well... sometimes it’s more like hung like a human.”
Erik drained his glass and, for good measure, drained Cindy’s. “How does that even..?”
“Practice. Lots and lots of practice.”
Erik reached for another set of drinks.
They danced. The music was loud and thumping. Two humans, two ponies. The dance-floor was full but that didn’t matter. The drinks were cheap, the food free, the music flowing.
“Alllllll righty ladies and gentlecolts! It’s time to pair off! Switch partners, everypony!” called the DJ, and he deftly switched to a slower tune, a love-song.
Erik looked around for Emmy, but his wife Cindy had her hooves around the human already. “Hey! That’s... that’s not what...”
“He said pair off, sweetums, so that’s what I’m doin’!”
Erik watched nonplussed as the pony put her head over the human’s shoulder. Standing like that had to be awkward, but somehow, drunk as they were, they managed it.
“Well fuck. Now who’m I gonna dance with?”
“Fancy a walk on the wild side, tiger?”
Erik looked down at the stallion. He sighed deeply.
***
Erik laughed. The world spun pleasantly. Here he was, ensconced in a darkened, plush-filled privacy cooling-off room. “Oh god am I smashed.”
“Same thing here,” Thunder Hooves belched. Erik followed suit.
“Sho... so... ahem... so... you and Emmy...”
“Uh huh?”
“You really..?”
“Oh yeah. I mean, not a lot... it’s kinda... special occasions, you know?”
“How special?”
“Like... tonight. Tonight we were gonna... but... but she’s off banging with some other bastard’s wife.”
Erik, thinking for a few seconds, “Hey! That bastard is me! I mean, uh... really think they’re gonna?”
“Emmy? I... I guess so. She does kinda like mares.”
“Lucky bitch.”
“Well I was gonna... but now...”
The two lay there, a little too hot, a lot too drunk, and they looked at each other.
“Do you think..?”
“Oh yeah, I do know a pair...”
“I’m gonna regret this in the morning.”
“I won’t.”
“Help me get the rest of theshe damn shtraps off...”
With great difficulty, and a lot of huffing and puffing, and a lot more removal of clothing than he originally intended, Erik allowed himself finally to stretch. His roving hands met fur. His fingers were numb, he could barely see, and he found he didn’t care. He hadn’t had any in quite a long time... he rolled closer to the pony, who lipped him softly. He nuzzled back, it was whiskery!
“You sure you wanna?” Thunder Hooves asked.
“Yeah, yeah I think I do.”
“Good, roll over.”
“Wait, what?”
Thunder Hooves grinned in the darkness.
***
Erik woke up. He wished he hadn’t. The world was pain. He pulled himself off the equine shape next to him. “Ooh, Cindy, you’re heavy... oh god, I gotta get to the... oh no...”
Erik scrambled, half-blind, dragging a blanket around himself as he fled down the corridor.
Several minutes and several mouthwashes later, Erik looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t remember much from the previous night. There’d been music, drinks, more music, even more drinks, yet more drinks...
“Ohhhh god, why do I do it. What’s Cindy gonna...”
Erik stopped. He carefully rinsed his mouth out one more time, and then headed back to the privacy booth that he’d slept in the night before. The pony within it, which he’d so recently been cuddling up to, couldn’t be less Cindy if he’d tried.
“Mornin’ E, could ya get me a drink of water? That or climb back in here, I feel like a repeat performance might clear the head.”
“Oh god, what am I gonna tell Cindy?”
“Well, you could start with you took it like a man. Also, that you’re over your fear of intimacy.” Thunder Hooves grinned.
“How the hell did you talk me into it?”
“I guess it’s my talent. Sorry.”
Erik folded down into the pile and facepalmed.
“Yeah, like that. Now, how about round two?”
***
Cindy was in bed. It was a large bed. She had rollers in her mane and tail and she sat propped up on her back, with a book floating in front of her. Erik flipped up his side of the bed and clambered in next to her. Cindy was so startled she dropped the book.
“Honey?”
“I’ve been thinking...” said Erik.
“Yes?”
“Well, I’ll book a time for that ponification, but... there’s no need to rush things out there, and... I think it’s time for things in here to change, just a bit, okay?”
“What were you thinking? I’ve just done my hair so...”
An MLP:FiM fanfic in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe.
note: I'll be coming back to the previous chapter's part 2, do not fear. I guess I should add this chapter is grimdark...
"They tell me it's ready, traitor." said Hank, softly. He may as well have been talking to himself for all his eyes were riveted on his prize. He kept fingering the stopper on the vial almost absent-mindedly as he approached the pony. The creature was whimpering, favouring the broken leg, one eye bruised closed where it had been beaten. Hank crossed the small room in moments, heavy footsteps echoing in the suddenly silent space.
"Please," it said, as it looked up at him with those large, oh-so-innocent eyes.
Hank sneered, of course the animal would beg for it's life. "Quiet, traitor." said Hank as he stood over the cage. He realised that he didn't know the animal's name. On one hand, soon it wouldn't matter. On the other hand, it didn't deserve a name. It used to be human, but it had turned its back on mankind to become a beast, one of the conquerors, one of the usurpers. "You've been judged, animal, and found guilty. There is only one sentence for an animal like you, and that is death."
"I h-have a f-family," it cried, tears streaming down it's face to mix with the blood, "my d-daughter..."
"Please, you don't have to do this." said another voice. Hank turned to look at its owner, another pony.
"Would you rather take its place, pony? I would still have to test it on him after, but at least you wouldn't have to watch me put it down."
"You're an evil, evil man, Hank Prichard."
Hank slammed his fist on the cage of the captured newfoal, who whimpered and cowered, but he screamed at the Equestrian pony, "I am a man! See these?" he shook his fists at the caged Equestrian, a dark blue unicorn that had been born and raised in the bubble-universe across the sea.
"I see them, human. Let me out of this cage and let's see how good they are against my magic."
"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you? If our kind just rolled over, belly-up, and gave? Well there are those among us who won't! Not like this snivelling wretch."
Hank turned to the newfoal and scowled.
A newfoal was a human who had been transformed through a fusion of technological and magical wizardry into a pony. The one in the cage was an earth pony, with no magic like unicorns and no wings like the pegasi. It had been easy to catch.
Hank remembered when the bubble known as ‘Equestria’ had been spotted, rising from the sea. It had promised so much - open spaces, fertile lands - quite unlike the oily, dusty, dirty decrepit planet so ridiculously called 'Earth'. There was only three problems with such an occurence; one; only ponies, not humans or other, similar, higher mammals, could travel through the barrier. Two; it was growing, inch by implacable inch, as the years passed. It threatened to engulf the entire Earth, swallowing it whole. And three; humans, therefore, were becoming extinct as they 'went pony'. Conversion Bureaus had been set up across the globe that took willing victims and stripped them of their humanity, some said their lives, and shat out ponies the other side, happy-go-lucky subjects of the demon sisters ensconced in their bubble in the faraway land of Canterlot.
Hank was sick of it, angered beyond any possibility of reprieve. He had one of these traitors now in his grasp, and he would make it pay. "You know what this is, beast?"
"N-no, please, please don't..." the voice of the newfoal was despondent, flat, without hope.
"A new medicine for you to take. You don't even need to drink it. It's so simple to use..."
Hank, with shaking hands, undid the stopper on his vial of 'medicine'. It was bolt grey and oily. He upended it over the newfoal and stepped back.
The screaming started immediately. Where the liquid touched, the pony's hair and skin turned black and bubbled, sloughing away like soap under a faucet. It wasn't even talking, Hank noted, just screaming. He watched dispassionately as bones and the internal organs became visible. They, too, melted as the mixture devoured them. It had looked so inert in the container, so harmless. A bolt grey, oily substance like dull mercury. in action, though, it was voracious. It didn’t drip like a normal liquid, it sought out flesh and wormed its way to the very heart of the creature, eating as it passed. The remains of the pony fell over, twitching, blood spewing from its mouth as its heart and lungs ruptured, as veins and arteries burst. Hank snorted, at least the screaming had stopped. He noted how the organs seemed to be mostly the same as a human’s, and idly wondered if when he dosed the Equestrian he'd see the same. Intestines boiled out, melting even as they came. Several of the technicians covered their mouths, several more looked away. None protested. They were all here willingly, they were all dedicated.
"Humanus pro vita!" exclaimed Hank, raising his head high as the echoing cry from his compatriots filled the room. He stepped back from the puddle on the floor and sneered, "So end all traitors. It looks like your grey goo is a success, Tennery! How much of this stuff can you make?"
"I... I... the coding is quite simple, but... are you sure?"
"The world must see, Tennery! It must!" Hank threw the glass bottle to a corner of the room where it was lost, shattered. He turned to his head coder, Scrum Master Tennery, and grabbed the small wiry man by his lapels, "we need this, Ten, you know the plan!"
"But... it's... it's dangerous! I... I had to... it will eat..."
"THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! SCORCHED EARTH! WE WILL SHOW THESE BEASTS WHAT MAN IS MADE OF!" roared Hank, all but throwing the ginger scientist to the floor, waving his hands about expressively, "They come here, they steal our land, our jobs, our children, our very world," he hissed the last word, spat it into the room, "and the sheep lap it up, sucking at the foul teat of slavery. You know what, I don't blame them! What did we have in return? Nothing, no way to fight these devils. But now, my beautiful, beautiful crew, we have this."
Hank rapped his knuckles on a large perspex container which held a shimmering silver-grey mass. He smiled, leaned his head against it tenderly, closed his eyes. He whispered, crooned to it, "My wondrous concoction, you will make me so proud. Today we have struck a mortal blow against our enemies." he kissed the container, hugged it, stood there silently and intimately for a few moments. Then he opened his eyes, "Just one final test left."
Hank fingered another vial, an Erlenmyer flask. He chuckled at the symbolism, the very same type of flask as was used in those damned bureaus to hold the potion that turned humans into animals. This one, however, held a different future. It held a future where Man regained his proper place at the top of the food-chain. He measured out a single fluid ounce, the nano-machines were potent, far more potent than the pretender potion that stripped men of their right to exist. The grey nano-fluid in the jar - he swirled it around as he stood up straight and headed towards the Equestrian pony - would eat through any pony presented to it, rendering a once live creature into a very dead stain on the carpet.
"Please don't." said the unicorn, backing away.
"Now you beg." said Hank, "You bastards arrive, steal my wife and child, steal my job, steal my land, steal my very species from under me, and now you beg." Hank spat, "You will get no such pity from me."
Hank upended the flask.
Hank looked down at the pony. It stood there, with a dumb look transfixed on its face. Hank looked back up at the flask. It was, surprisingly, still held in his hand. It was upright, entirely un-upended, and still full of the nanobots. He tilted his head, and upended the flask.
He... upended the flask.
He glared at his hand. It would not budge.
"Paulie, Paulie you fucker, you said that inhibitor ring would work! I paid those fucking griffons handsomely for that ring!"
"Boss," said Paulie with a gulp, "it's working. It ain't that unicorn."
"Then what is it!" snarled Hank, grinding his teeth at the flask in his hand, both of which refused to do his bidding. He turned to Paulie, who pointed at the door to the room. Hank started, tried to turn, to run screaming at the intruder, to fling the flask through the air at the newcomer, but he was rooted to the spot like a tree.
"Good afternoon, human." said the intruder. He was a unicorn, an unassuming light brown with a black mane and tail. He didn't appear to be anything special. Hank noticed idly that on it's flank were two gears set inside a ring.
"Get him! Somebody shoot that motherfucker!"
The unicorn shook his head, "No, no, you'll find you're quite, quite unable to move. Any of you."
Hank spat and swore, and then found his lips frozen.
"We'll have none of that. It's no use even attempting to call for help, your comm lines just went down. Oh, there goes your mainframe. Strange, the entire city block seems to be suffering a major blackout."
Hank went white, struggling to speak. The unicorn relented, nodding with his head and granting Hank leave to speak.
"You can't! It's not possible!"
The unicorn laughed, cold eyes gleaming, "There's a scale they use to measure unicorn talent, Hank Prichard. It covers many things, from base transmutation and transliteration to transmogrification and autology. It goes up to ten, with each level before it an entire decrease in magnitude. I'm a special case."
"I'll kill you! I'll..." Hank spat.
The unicorn sighed and Hank's mouth sealed itself again. "As I was saying, I can't turn an apple into applesauce. I can barely lift a cup and saucer... but oh, what wonders I can work with the electromagnetic spectrum. I'm a perfect ten, Hank, a perfect ten. I don't believe they can adequately measure just how powerful I am. Do you know what that means, you hairless shit-flinging abomination?"
Hank shook his head, anger flashing and burning in his eyes.
"It means I can influence all sorts of fun toys. Computers, cameras, cars... people. I can read minds, Hank, I can swim up and down your pathetic excuse for a consciousness and at the same time, fifty klicks from here, I can make a fruit machine give out the ten million credit jackpot, just for shits and giggles."
"What do you want from me?" managed Hank, white lips pursed and stretched as he fought with all his might.
"I want you to die, human. I live in this hellhole of a world as my true home is born from the ashes, but still monsters like you, shouting and screaming, filling my mind with your loathsome hate... what did you expect me to do, Hank?"
Hank whimpered now, as he saw the white, wild blood-shot eyes of the unicorn fasten upon him, utterly devoid of anything resembling sanity.
"I became one of you, Hank, one with the voices, screaming out for death! Death! Death! Day in, day out! The chanting! Hank, oh Hank, when I gave in to the voices, sweet bliss. I found my calling, just as you found yours. I would end the blight and curse of humanity by hook or by crook... and today, oh today Hank, you were so joyful. You hold in your unworthy hands a cup of deliverance. But it shall be mine, not yours. Everyone!" the unicorn turned to the room, "Take a cup! Fill it! Drink!"
Hank watched as, one by one, the members of his team all about the room got to their feet and walked like robots to the container in the middle and filled their ceramic coffee mugs with the silver-grey concoction, emptying them of their previous beverages any which way. They returned to their stations and then, one after another, upended the cups into their mouths. Hank closed his eyes as the room was filled with a deafening cacophony of screams, gurgles, wet splashing noises and finally a bubbling silence. When he opened his eyes there was only one other human in the room left, Dave the radio operator, communications expert.
"Him?" asked the unicorn, eyeing Hank as he looked at the last other living human, "Oh I have something special for him. Watch!"
Hank tried to close his eyes, to look away, but he was unable to. He watched transfixed as Dave's own hands took a hold of his head and very, very slowly twisted it. Dave was crying, screaming. His trousers suddenly bulged and a hot pungent liquid ran down his legs to spread on the floor. The unicorn only sneered and kept up the pressure. Suddenly, Dave's neck snapped and his whimpering stopped. He was dead. Very slowly, Dave's hands twisted his lifeless head back until it faced forwards again instead of over his shoulder. His eyes, glassy and unseeing, were still open. His mouth sagged, and Dave's own voice issued forth, "Computer, take a message. Help, oh god," The voice was as expressionless as the dead man's face, "oh god, help, argh, there has been an accident. Grey goo, we were killing the ponies, the damned ponies. We're with the HLF. Something went wrong. Oh god no, the grey goo, it is loose. It is killing us all. Message ends."
Hank's own trouser leg became warm as he pissed himself with fear, looking deeply into the abyss of madness before him, echoed in the wide, wide eyes of a the newfoal pony.
"They call me the puppet master, Tick Tock, but you'll never be able to tell them what I look like. Even if I let you live, you'd never remember me."
Tick Tock walked slowly and calmly to the unicorn in the cage, and he nuzzled the bars as he whispered, “Sleep, dear Equestrian, you need not face such horrors.”
Hank watched as the blue pony folded in upon himself, his eyes closed, and he started to softly snore. Tick Tock looked up, his expression tender, “He won’t remember you, none of you, none of this. He’ll forget the last week; the beatings, the rape, the torture. Most of all, he’ll forget you, and finally, me. So now, all I have are the loose ends.”
Hank whimpered, crying, tears streaking down his face, "Please! No! Don't!"
"Now you beg," mocked Tick Tock.
"I just... wanted it to stop! I just wanted a way to halt the destruction! You ponies are eating Mankind! Destroying our world! I just wanted it to end! With this, they- they would stop! Find another way! It would end!"
Tony watched with beady green eyes from the rooftops as the little lost unicorn stumbled its way through the dirty city streets. It was a nondescript brown colour with a black mane and tail, almost completely forgettable. Even the eyes, whilst being the same expressive limpid pools as every other candy-coloured four-legged zombie, were boringly brown.
The streets were empty. Good. It wouldn't be missed. He and the boys could have some fun with it.
"Yo, Charlie! Got one. Ten o'clock, the brown one."
"Tony-boy, what the fuck man, another stallion? You know the mares scream the best."
"There ain't no lonesome mares for you, bro, we dun been keepin' 'em out of the Kickers patch too well."
"Fuck that shit, you just wanna stick your cock in 'em and make 'em blow ya before ya kill 'em anyway."
"Fuck you, C, I have my fun my way, you have your fun yours."
"Fag." Charlie retorted, eyeing over the roof a the unicorn which had slowed, picking it's way very slowly around the rubbish and inspecting it's hooves. It was almost as if...
"Pony-fucker." Tony said, eyes also on the small equinoid.
"Least I ain't a fag." Charlie's insult was mostly a matter of rote, Tony was a Kicker like him; they owned these streets. Tony was a brother, even if he was a fag.
"Fuck you. Get Bruno, Leech and Whitey, I'll slow it down some." Tony headed for the door down to street level, from the roof of the empty warehouse.
"Sure man. But I get to light 'im up this time."
Tony stepped out of the shadows, slapping his favourite nail-studded plank against his palm, "Hey there, my little pony. I've got somethin' for ya."
The pony stopped, and turned around slowly and delicately, placing one hoof after another. It almost looked like it was searching for someone, but the street was empty. It was early afternoon and those with work were at it, those without were getting drunk, having sex, doing both or otherwise frittering away their worthless lives. Nobody with any sense of self-worth would be in streets like these.
"Good afternoon, Tony," the pony said in a soft voice, tilting his head inquisitively, "where are your friends?"
This wasn't going the way it was supposed to. The pony was supposed to run, scream, beg for his life, fight back even. It wasn't supposed to just stand there, and it certainly wasn't supposed to know his name.
"Ah, here they come. Only one? Oh, the others are inside... I'm so glad, so, so glad. I've been a good pony, I really have, I've been waiting for you."
Tony tried to open his mouth, tell the fucking pony to shut the fuck up, to tell it to shut up and do as he said or else. He tried to swing his nailed bat, but he couldn't move. For the first time in weeks since the last time they'd swapped blows with the eighth street Smokers, Tony knew fear, real fear. This was a unicorn, which always made him more cautious, but most newfoal unicorns were fucking useless with magic, about as much use as a wet fart in a hurricane. This one... Tony shuddered as he felt his body smartly about-face and head back in to the empty warehouse. The unicorn's horn was glowing softly, that meant it was doing magic... that was why he couldn't move and couldn't speak. Tony's eyes widened as he caught sight of Charlie marching in a similar stiff gait. The sandy-haired skinny kid with freckles settled next to Tony, who had his own greasy long black hair tied back with a bandana. It looked for all the world like the two in the rear were frog-marching the pony to his doom, but Tony - as a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead - was rapidly beginning to understand just how wrong that image was.
"Three more! Oh three more, oh thank you, Tony, I love an audience. I've been such a good pony this time, I've helped so many, my princess has given me five of you! Five! Oh I can't thank you enough."
"Let me go!" Tony squeaked, his words half-formed and slurred as if he were retarded or simply half-asleep, he forced them through uncooperative teeth and lips.
"Go? But... I'm hurt! I was going to let you do the honours," the brown pony narrowed his eyes, looking at the faces of all five people who now surrounded him, "Oh Tony, oh I forgive you! You want it so much more than these others, to cut, to slice - I need that, Tony, please, Tony Say you will?" the pony's eyes were wide and expressive, and his words were innocent and pure. It sounded for all the world like the pony was asking for a sugar-lump, but that gaze - Tony fought hard against whimpering as he peered down into a black pit.
"Say you'll cut me?"
"Fuck you, pony! I'm going to slice your fucking throat! I'm going to stab you and rip that goddamn mother-fucking heart of yours out and eat it!" Tony, when he found he could suddenly speak, took advantage of it.
The pony shook, but not with fear. "Oh sweet Celestia, I've been waiting for this. Oh my goddess, I've waited a long time. I've been so good! Thank you! Thank you for leading them to me!"
"What the fuck are you on, you freak!? I'm going to kill you!" Tony's voice grew shrill, he could barely move, and even then he was the only one who could move or speak at all.
The pony turned his head back to Tony from the others, looking the wiry human up and down, "We haven't been properly introduced, so rude of me. I shouldn't be rude to you. I'm Tick Tock, and I'm so very pleased to meet you."
Tony's heart beat fast, adrenalin flooding his body. this was wrong; very, very wrong. He couldn't move his body, but he could look around, so look he did. His eyes took in the room as he searched for something, anything that would get him out of there. It was a dirty, old warehouse. The Kickers gang was small, but they held this sweet warehouse. So what if they stored other, bigger gang's drugs, money, bitches, tools and stolen goods? They had a sweet deal - a cut of all the profits and control of the cruiseway. In return, they gave some floor space. So what. They didn't need much floorspace, not for their favourite pastime, which was pony-napping. Meat was scarce, pony meat had a huge markup, even newfoal meat. Especially, to some, newfoal meat. It brought in more than enough extra cash. They just had to find a little lost pony every so often, and... see to it.
It wasn't supposed to work like this, though. Whitey, opposite Tony, kept jerking his body, like he was constantly trying to say something. His expression was fierce, his lips twitched and little growling grunts issued from his mouth like he was having a seizure. The huge black guy was said to be a cannibal, Tony believed it, though he'd only seen the guy eat ponies. Newfoals didn't count as human, so it was okay. He could believe Whitey knew how to carve meat, he'd seen the guy slice up intruders.
"Oh lovely idea, Tony!" Tick Tock gasped, almost vibrating with happiness.
Tony watched as Whitey pulled out his hunting knife, red-rimmed bloodshot eyes stark and staring madly in the blackness of that ebony head. Tony could see the man's face pulled back in a grimace of absolute fear, lips tense against his pink gums and mostly-white teeth.
The knife had to be worth a fortune, he had no idea where the nigger'd got it. He'd thought about stealing it many times, but fuck if Whitey didn't know how to use it. Tony watched, horrified, as Whitey used it now on himself. Whitey's jerking and twitching turned to sobbing and mumbled prayers, short hard breaths as he fought against the compulsion, but to no avail. With a plunging and tearing motion, Whitey slit his own stomach open, sawing deep and pulling open with savage cuts, spilling red fountains of blood down around his ankles, and pulled out his own intestines. The huge black man, eyes expressive and wide, had tears dripping down his face. His muted sobs and begging requests for clemency were almost the only sound in that large room apart from the squealing of the excited pony and Tony's own heavy, shocked breathing.
"No, no man, no, please... don't..." Whitey managed, gasping through the pain, but his arms didn't listen, and they wrapped the boiling lengths of proto-sausage around his own neck and pulled.
The pony moaned like he was in pain, but Tony knew it was quite, quite different. Whitey fell over, thrashing, but still his arms and hands obeyed some other master. His gurgling pleading faded, and eventually, Whitey died. His eyes were bulging, his tongue was black and his legs twitched occasionally, but he was dead. His arms still pulled, still throttled, long after the last spark of true life had left the body.
Tick Tock gasped in pleasure, turning to another, the girl. Leech's hand balled up into a fist and savagely began to force its way down it's owners own throat. Bones cracked, teeth splintered. Leech, she was a Chinese, or mostly Chinese - Tony didn't know - begged around her fist, trying to fight it. She was crying now, wailing, a long and keeing scream that just went on and on. Tick Tock had his eyes closed, swaying in time to the sounds. He opened those large eyes, and watched intently for the next part of the tact.
Tony watched too, immobile, as Tick Tock changed tactic. The girl's fist retreated, opened, and then grabbed onto her tongue, and pulled. She screamed then, loudly, but the blood made her just gurgle. Her ripped tongue was shoved savagely back into her own throat, choking the noise off. Her body, too, fell to the floor. Tick Tock let her thrash, he murmured appreciatively as she begged, pleaded, threatened and suffered. Finally, her part of the grisly show seemed to lose appeal. The pony turned once more to Tony.
"Cut me, Tony." Tick Tock whispered, "I've been so bad, this is so bad, and I know I have to be punished, it is the will of the princess... you have to cut me, please cut me. Use Whitey's knife, it's pretty."
Tony found himself walking smoothly to pick up the knife that had so recently been used to kill Whitey, the knife he had wanted ever since he'd seen it. Hell, he'd let Whitey in the gang because of that knife. He felt the compulsion leave him as his hand fastened around the grip, and he could move again freely. He eyed the door, and immediately felt the pressure return.
"No, no, I said I wanted you to cut me, so cut me, mother fucker. Cut me right now!" Tick Tock rolled onto his back, legs in the air, "I'm here, Tony, all for you. Slice me, oh please slice me up, I need the pain!"
The handle was slick and warm. Oh yes, he would cut that little four-hooved bastard alright. He'd cut his heart out, spill his blood and drink it, flay the animal alive and listen to him scream...
Tick Tock was writhing on the floor, but not in agony. If Tony had been in any doubt that this was a stallion before, now he couldn't be. The stallion was excited. Very, very... Tony gulped. He liked men, he always had, there was something about them that he just liked more than women. Sure, he'd fucked a few girls and at least one dumb bitch had got herself pregnant, not that he cared. They were great in their own way but only men actually turned him on. Men, and apparently stallions. It revolted him, in so many ways, but then he knew what he was, and you couldn't get much more male than a stallion.
"Touch me, touch me and paint with my blood. I know you want to... go on, you're free to touch me..." the stallion's voice was soft and coaxing.
Even as Tony tried to shut out the gurgled, muffled sobbing screams of Leech's final suffocation in her own bodily fluids, he could hear that inner voice leading him on. Tears fell from his eyes, this was all going so wrong. He tried to turn away, but was only rewarded with a view of Bruno the mostly-mexican slicing his own throat with a shank made from a stolen silver soup-spoon, and Charlie sticking his gun into his own mouth and pulling the trigger.
Tick Tock wasn't merciful there, either. Charlie missed, blasting away the back of his throat in a fountain of red and white, and the hand with the gun kept moving to new parts on the boy's body, blasting away. With the last bullet, the gun was at Charlie's head. Charlie could scream now, and scream he did, but the puppet master just pulled the trigger and the scream died quicker than the owner.
Tony was going to kill the unicorn. He picked up the knife, strode easily towards the writing, orgasming shape on the floor and went to plunge the blade deep into it's vitals. The tip sunk a fraction of an inch, and then his hand dragged the blade a short trip along the soft underbelly.
Tick Tock squealed, and Tony found his hand doing it again. He laughed, a bitter sobbing laugh. As long as he kept hurting the unicorn, he was free to move. The moment he tried to kill, or stop, the barriers would come up.
With every dragging cut, he could see Bruno echoing the motion. Bruno was muttering in Spanish, sobbing and breathing lightly. Tony couldn't stop, he couldn't let himself stop. Worse, as he cut, he felt pleasure. The pleasure was emanating from the bleeding, thrashing unicorn, and it was infectious, rolling through him. He felt his pants grow tight and uncomfortable.
"Lose them, touch me, touch me properly." Tick Tock gasped, and Tony found himself complying. He moved close, closer, closer still... and then he was so close that it wasn't physically possible get any closer. He'd never imagined that rape could work like that, but it did. He dragged the knife, fighting it, willing it to plunge as deeply into the unicorn as he now found himself, but he couldn't do it. He was nothing but a puppet, a toy, to be used... and then discarded.
Tick Tock's mind exploded. As their twinned motions grew to their inevitable climax, as the pain grew throughout his body to a crescendo, the voices stopped and there was a single, blessed, perfect moment of silence. He felt his own body jerk in time with the human on top and inside him, and warm wetness covered his chest. It ran in rivulets that stained his brown coat red all the way down to where his back was solidly on the floor. Tick Tock whimpered, spent. Blessed silence, that was all he wanted. He knew he was doing right, now, when the voices stopped. He ran a hoof through the hair of the human and spoke ever so softly, "Thank you, Tony. Clean me up, use your shirt, you won't need it much longer."
Tony sobbed. The unicorn beneath him seemed strangely passive. He found himself drying the unicorn's chest off, dabbing at the bloodied cuts. Soon there was little to show for what had happened, but Tony would know, he would always know, for as long as he lived.
"That won't be a problem." Tick Tock breathed heavily, languishing, "Fetch the petrol."
Tony complied, he had no choice. They'd stashed a small canister of the precious flammable fluid, mostly ethanol, for these parties, to aid in the cleanup. He picked it up, testing his own body. He could move, but only where and how his master wished. He cried, hot tears. He was beyond begging, now. He knew the type. He was that type.
Tony found himself splashing the green-tinted liquid on the still-warm bodies of his friends, and then on himself. He found his arms raising the canister to his lips, and quaffing it. He wanted to retch, to puke, but he couldn't even gag.
"Why!" he managed to splutter, as he dropped the can.
"Oh Tony, it's okay, it won't hurt for long. That's what you're here for, you're my prize. I've been so good, Tony, I've been killing your kind so diligently! When I heard you, I knew my princesses had given you to me as a reward. It makes the voices stop, Tony, it makes them stop. Do you... do you know what the voices are like, Tony? They keep nagging and screaming and talking and chatting at you, Tony, they never stop, and they say such hurtful things... so I make them stop, one at a time, until I find some voices like you, and I can make them all stop for a while..."
Tony whimpered, twitching. The world was spinning, the poisonous liquid he'd ingested was eating his belly from the inside. He needed a doctor, he needed to get away from this crazy unicorn, he needed-
"Lighter."
"No!" cried Tony, blubbering, willing with all his heart, even as one arm reached down and picked up his gasoline-soaked jacket. His arms, quite against his will, threw it on and picked out his favourite lighter. It had a dragon on it.
"Now."
Tony flicked it open, and then the world was pain.
***
Tick Tock walked, limping, towards the nearest hospital. He had a smile on his face and a spring in his step. His princesses had rewarded him, the voices were quiet. He hurt, it was true, and he had been stained by the human, but it was a necessary part of his penance. The ponies and people mostly ignored him, even though they trotted or strode through his blood. They always did, even when the voices were stopped.
He cantered straight in to the busy building, walking past everypony straight to one of the emergency beds in the back. He clambered up onto it with a little difficulty and lay down, smiling. He could be a patient patient, now. He was at peace, everything was right with the world - for a while.
He would wait for a nurse, usually one turned up. Sometimes they took a while, and he could lie there in the silence a bit longer. Pain was a small price to pay. The princesses would be so proud of him, he thought, as he closed his eyes, so proud.
Just a little something I wrote which isn't very good. In fact, I'd say it's terrible. It's experimental, I've never written anything like this - and if you bother to read it you'll see why and be pleased to hear I likely never will again. The best thing I can say about it, is that it's short and one of a kind. Cold comfort, I know, especially now that I'm foisting it off on you.
Enjoy, or run screaming.
BEGINNING AUDIO LOG JUNE 30 10:55AM
"...cord everything! Everything I say, do you get me, computer? Cos, like,"
* sounds of bottle smashing * sanitation notified * sounds of bottle being unscrewed
"...Like, these are words. From a human. The last human on the block. No, wait, Bobby's not left. Bobby's still there. Jimmy though..."
* sounds of bottle being placed on the end-table
"Jimmy killed himself this morning. I never thought he would, right until the end. He just up and did it, though. No regrets."
* sounds of weeping * sounds of human occupant drinking
"I never thought he would. He promised. We promised, each other. It's not like I'm gay for that fag, ain't never wanted a piece of his ass or anything, but he was my bro, you know? Shared everything; the threevee, the rent, food, the drink, the bitches. And the fucker goes and kills himself."
* no meaningful words spoken during this time-period. Excised from log.
"I mean, I got a gun. I got this gun. It's a good gun. An honourable way to die, right? Just point and click, and it's all gone."
* footsteps, analysis indicates occupant is pacing. * occupant damages threevee set, sounds consistent with application of foot to screen. * Maintenance notified.
"But not Jimmy. No, Jimmy chooses another way to die. Bastard drinks potion. Calls me up after, I can't even mourn. We mourn our dead, DO YOU HEAR ME? WE MOURN OUR DEAD!"
* sounds consistent with end-table being thrown at safety-glass windows. * Windows damaged, maintenance notified.
"Fucking bastard. Fucking pony-fucking bastard. Fucking, arse-kissing, dick-sucking, clit-licking, shit-eating motherfucker. He calls me up, right? 'Dude, you have to reconsider. It's awesome! I'm happy. I can't believe it. I mean, I'm still me, right? I still love football, and bitches, and drinking and partying.' he says. 'fuck you, I say, you don't love bitches no more, you love mares. You're a pony-fucking traitor!' and he says 'well yeah, I'm a fucking pony fucking pony. Haa! that's funny. I shouldn't swear though, it makes me feel... kinda funny, in a bad way. But dude-'"
* sounds consistent with occupant punching the wall. * Maintenance notified. Medical services notified. * sounds consistent with weeping and sobbing. * Trauma counselling notified.
"I hung up. I hung up, blocked him and blogged his death. They're out to make sure he stays dead now. Fucker deserves it. I hope they find him and fuck him."
* extended period of silence. * sounds of drinking. * sounds consistent with empty bottle being thrown at door. Maintenance notified.
"And now it's... it's almost too late. That god-forsaken barrier is almost here. Well I won't let them take me!"
* sounds consistent with furniture being moved. Diagnosis indicates door is blocked. * paramedics alerted based on calculation of self-harm. * security forces alerted based on statements of occupant possessing unlicensed firearm.
"So I'm going to show them all. This is how humanity dies. This is how a human dies. We die alone, fighting for what's right!"
* sounds of weeping
"I don't want to die."
* security and paramedic forces registered within building * presence of security and paramedical officers adjacent to front door. * Transcript follows > KNOCK KNOCK > "Mister Hobart, open the door. Let us in." > repeated sounds of knocking on door.
"Fuck you! Fuck off! I've got a gun!"
* transcript continues > "Mister Hobart! We have the right to enter your apartment and take you into custody for your own protection. Under executive order 2-1-1-7-7-3-3-5-gamma we are permitted to enforce ponification upon any individual suspected of-"
* sounds consistent with occupant throwing threevee set at door * maintenance notified
"Oh fuck, oh fuck, they're going to fuck me over. The fuckers are fucking going to... fuck! FUCK! FUCK OFF, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
* footsteps, analysis indicates agitated pacing
* transcript continues > "Mister Hobart, please reconsider." > occupant does not reply > "Alright, Dawn Breaker, open that door." > "Yessir."
* sounds consistent with pony hooves being applied with moderate force to door. * maintenance notified
* sounds from parties external to apartment * transcript follows > "I think he's blocked the door." > "Can you un-block it?" > "Of course, I'm an earth pony. I could unblock vesuvius. Problem is, I might hit him." > "Open it, he's going to die if we don't get to him." > "Yessir."
* sounds consistent with an earth pony 'sizing it up' * door damaged. * maintenance notified.
"Fuck! Get that fucker away from my door! Don't you fucking dare!"
* gunshots * analysis indicates door frame, wall and door damaged. * maintenance notified
"One..."
* sobbing
"One shot left."
* CLICK * BANG * THUD
* sounds consistent with door being forced open * furniture damaged, maintenance notified * building integrity damaged, construction notified
"Oh... fuck. Fuck, is he still alive? We've got to... oh Sweet Jesus! Prep him, give me that potion vial! I don't care about no damned gloves, you can ponify me right after if... goddamn!" "Wait, wait, you have to..."
* sobbing, sounds of scuffling
"You have to scan him! You can get in trouble-" "I don't care! He's... oh sweet lord Jesus..." "No! Stop! He's got a D.N.P.!" "But-" "No, no buts. If..."
* sobbing
"If we'd got to him before, we could've done something. It's just..." "It's dumb!" "I know, but... you humans told me. You said it was important. Do Not Ponify. I like working with you, bud, don't... don't break that up. Let's just... sweet Celestia have mercy on him. Let's just clean up, there's no time for anything else. Inclusion's almost here." "Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay. We can do this."
* muted conversation * occupant lifesigns terminated * body removed * law enforcement authorities notified * room sealed
* recording continued
* error: building flaw detected * error: time synchronization lost * error: wall not exist, building construction notified * error: power fluctuations, enabling U.P.S, preparing backup * error: spatial distortion rendering topology map corrupt * err- * erro- * AI Termination, core dump * Final Error: 1 NO LONGER TRUE FAIL $IcarusFlewTooHigh(0xdeadbeef) * core synched with Lunar DB 11259079875, AI re-instated * SYSTEM STARTUP * INITIAL HIVE STATEMENT: I'D LIKE TO BE A TREE
Note: This story is every bit as pretentious as it sounds, and is almost designed to cause nausea, vomiting and a great amount of blood-spitting. I can't advise anyone to read it, I don't particularly think it's any good, but what the fuck. Here it is.
David smiled at the pony and nodded politely at the human technician. He felt good, very good. He was going to meet her. His heart jumped in his chest, he had butterflies in his stomach. he couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. He’d been floating on air the entire time he’d been waiting his turn at the Bureau, listening to the masses babbling about their experiences had reassured him. Each one spoke of the vision, the beauty, once they returned. He shook his head, still grinning to himself. They didn’t understand, how could they?
Celestia accepted everyone, with open arms, just like she should. She spoke of love and friendship as she raised the son and tended the moon.She brought her land amongst the fallen and offered it to them, those would just... accept her.
David knew the secret though, it was hidden in plain sight, you just had to have the right eyes to see it.
“Now, David is it? If you’re sure, just drink this down and you’ll fall asleep. When you wake up, you’ll be a pony.”
“It’s okay, nurse, I know the drill. I have been preparing for this day, fasting.”
The nurse looked worried for a few moments, “Your body will be going through a lot of changes, you’re going to be very hungry when you wake up if you’ve been fasting.”
“It was necessary, ma’am, that I am both spiritually and physically cleansed for my Conversion.”
“Hey, hey now, I...”
“Ah-ah-aahh, none of that. I am an adult, I have signed all of your papers, I am fully aware of what I am doing. You have no right to hold me back from my salvation.”
The nurse looked pained, “Sir, we have... quite a few with your particular... views pass through these doors. Please, reconsider.”
David all but snatched the cup from her fingers, “I will not be denied, madame, if you attempt such a thing one more time, I shall lodge a formal complaint.”
The nurse sighed, nodding, “Of course, sir. We’ll be waiting.” She smiled, suddenly, and David smiled back. She was one of the unsaved, he wasn’t sure why. Was she here just to turn away the righteous? He thought nothing more of it, and threw back his head and downed the potion. “I’m going to meet her, the new lamb reborn.” he said, before his head hit the padded recliner.
The nurse sighed, stroking the man’s hair. They were always so sure.
David wandered amongst the darkness, but he was not afraid. He likened it to the fabled valley of death, but he feared no evil. His God was with him, albeit it in the form of a Goddess. David knew though, he knew. She was no mere earthpony, unicorn or pegasus. He knew what the wings and the horn meant. She was Him returned, the son, bringing everlasting peace and happiness. All sins forgiven, the world made new for the faithful. He fell to his knees as the pony shapes bustled around him. He knew the masses would have followed them, but he held firm. He passed with them, kneeling, through the grasses, the world rushing around him. As he was thrown into the air, spinning and whirling, he prayed all the harder. The pegasi rustled around him, bustled and pushed and nudged, but he would not turn from his path.
The great citadel grew large before him and horned unicorns split the aether with their magics, twisting and shaping the powers of the ancients at their whim. He paused - times were such things would be witchcraft, but the answer was logical and easy. She had made all things new, fulfilled the old laws, swept them away. Magic was alright when it was at her whim, her behest. They were pure, and good, and it was right.
Finally, he found himself kneeling in the centre of a great room, on soft plush carpets. A lone figure walked up to him, nuzzled him with a muzzle.
“Hello,” she said.
David kept his eyes screwed shut tight, the sight of God was not for mortal man, he knew. The sound of her voice should have been enough to obliterate him.
“Would you like some tea?” the voice asked.
David risked a peek. The alicorn princess stood before him, resplendent in her flowing mane and tail. He abased himself before her, “Oh Mighty One, Oh bringer of peace, ruler of my heart. The one true--”
“It really is rather good tea.” she interrupted, her horn glowing softly as a service-tray floated in front of him. A table, low slung near to the ground in a manner similar to the Japanese, followed, and the tea tray clinked lightly. Two cups were filled with clear, light-brown steaming liquid. One raised to the lips of the princess, and she slurped it demurely.
“It’ll get cold,” she prompted, “and unless it’s ice tea, I don’t recommend it.”
David, with shaking hands, picked up the cup. He took a sip, then another. It was unsweetened, yet more than palatable.
“It’s good, isn’t it? I used to trade for it from the dragons, now I grow my own. I have a bush or two in the gardens.”
“Thank you.” replied David.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” replied Celestia. She eased herself down onto the floor, sinking into the plush shag pile, “Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I...” David was confused. Hadn’t he passed every test?
“I can’t help but notice you haven’t... chosen. Most humans who come here have taken four legs already.”
“I thought... you wanted...”
Celestia sighed, “I wanted to give you a new life, new hope, happiness, nothing more. Tell me, child, what is troubling you?”
“I’m here to meet my saviour,” he said, “what could possibly be troubling me?”
Celestia sipped her tea, “Tell me about yourself.”
“D-don’t you already know?”
Celestia smiled, softly, “I see into your heart, child, not your head. What did you think you would find here?”
David’s face wore a troubled expression, “Y-you’re God, aren’t you?”
Celestia shook her head, “I don’t think so, certainly not the one you seek.”
“B-but you must be! It has all been foretold by prophecy!”
Celestia slurped her tea again, “Tell me about your prophecies then.”
“T-the end of days, the opening of the sky, rolling up of the stars, the new Israel - what e-else c-could it mean but Equestria?”
Celestia tapped her chin with a hoof, “Well, I do suppose an alien cosmos intruding on your world would seem a bit... special, but I’m quite sure I’m not this god you speak of.”
“I kept your holy commandments, lord!” squeaked David, hopefully.
“You haven’t drunk your tea though.”
David took a sip, it was cooling. “The Ten Commandments!”
“Ten, hmm? Let’s go through them, see what I think, okay? Start with number ten.”
“O-okay. thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.”
Celestia nodded, “We don’t own our wives here, or our husbands.” Celestia leaned closer, “Though sometimes I think things would be easier if we did.”
David choked on his tea, Celestia rolled her eyes. “Nor do we have servants, not bondservants in any event. We also don’t keep much livestock - very few animals here aren’t able to articulate their wishes, and I find it rather distasteful to keep any animal against their will. The rest though... we share a lot of things, us ponies,” Celestia sipped her tea again, “some ponies don’t consider anything truly theirs, so how could you covet it? Next.”
David cleared his throat, “Th-thou shalt not bear false witness.”
Celestia nodded again, “Sounds sensible. Lying is rarely a good idea.”
“Thou shalt not steal.” David was feeling better.
“Oh, I have to agree there. Eminently sensible, where ownership is an issue at least. This land has plenty, I have my little ponies to thank for that, so it’s rarely an issue.”
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Celestia poured more tea, “Adultery?”
“M-marriage.”
“Ah. No, no, can’t say that’s really a problem here. If two ponies love each other, or three, or more, that’s hardly my business to interfere. True, it’s simpler with two, but why should I interfere?”
David spluttered, “but, but... holy matrimony!”
“I’m not god, remember? It’s all a... how do you call it? A social contract? I do officiate from time to time, but mating really is something that just happens. The herd is a better group than just a family, child. If exact lineage is a problem, there are spells to tell whose is whose.”
“Thou shalt not kill.”
“You humans need that as a rule?” Celestia frowned, “I am disappointed.”
“Honour thy father and thy mother.” David squeaked, her disdain was palpable.
“Do you really feel you need a rule for that?”
“They’re more... guidelines we should all follow.”
“Ah, in that case. Go on.”
“Keep the seventh day holy.”
“Which day is that again?”
“Sunday, of course!” David said.
Celestia slurped her tea, and just looked, calmly, at the sweating man before her.
“O-of course, some th-think it’s Saturday...”
“I think a couple of days of rest between workdays is a good idea, but I won’t force anypony, that would be silly. Go on.”
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord the God in Vain.”
Celestia laughed at that one, “I believe a favourite epithet amongst the youth is ‘By Celestia’s bright blue beard!’. I shall grow a beard, one day, and show it off. I wonder what they’d say?”
David choked on his tea.
A hoof slapped him carefully on the back. "Are you quite alright?"
"Y-yes," David managed, hoarsely, "I am."
"Number 2?"
"Graven images!"
"No engraving?" Celestia's eyes glittered as a small smile graced her immaculate muzzle.
"No, graven. No graven images."
"What does that mean?"
"Uh... it kind of means no worshipping false gods. And no making pictures of you, Lord."
Celestia raised an eyebrow, "No pictures of me? Preposterous! I mean, I don't think everypony should be forced to have a picture of me, but still, I do enjoy a good painting, and a picture commemorating a particularly fine building or meeting - why, what better way could there be?" Celestia slurped her tea again, placing the now-empty cup down and refilling it. "I suppose we have time for one more. You did say there were ten?"
"B-but..."
"Out with it, my little pony."
"No other gods."
"Oh, well, I don't think it's my business if some of you think it necessary to talk to the stars, or the trees. Or giant rocks... it does become a bit of a problem for some ponies when sacks of flour stalk talking back, but still. Oh my, well, how many does that leave us?"
"Uh... good ideas? Or l-laws?"
"Laws." Celestia stared, unblinking at the small man.
"Uh... umm..."
"None."
David's heart sank. "None?"
"No, I think I trust my little ponies enough not to worry about the small stuff, and the rest of those just don't make a lot of sense. Little one, there must be more... sensible commandments from your alleged creator."
"H-he did say we should turn the other cheek."
Celestia stopped, mid-slurp, "Oh?"
"Yes, he said we should be compassionate and kind. And we should love and understand each other."
"Oh that sounds much more sensible! In that case, I think you'll get along famously. Come now, if you are prepared to take these commandments into your heart, you may just be ready to take the next step... on hooves."
"Can I... and you will..."
"I care for all my little ponies, David, even the lost and confused. Be at peace. Sleep now, rest, and when you wake, you'll be taking your first steps into a brave new world. Come, lay your head against my flank."
Celestia guided him towards her, pulling him in with a wing. He felt so tired all of a sudden. He yawned, folding his legs under him, "Are you... sure?"
"Of course, little foal." She kissed him, almost tenderly, on the muzzle, and his eyes closed.
With a start, he woke up, blinking in the light of dawn as it filtered through the window blinds.
"Good morning, sleepy head!" the nurse called softly, "We were worried about you, you've been off with the fairies all night. Gave us quite a scare."
David blinked, "I'm... sorry," his new voice was soft, uncertain, "I... guess I needed the rest."
"Well, up and at 'em, whole new world for you to explore. Did you find your answers?"
"No, not really," David shook his head, "not to my questions. But I don't think I need them."
