Number One in Da Hood, G
Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad were sitting in their filthy lower-class home in New Jersey. It was the closest to hell that you could get without actually dying and being damned.
“Eh, BORING!” shouted Master Shake as he flipped through the channels of static on the TV. He threw the remote straight into the TV, where it exploded.
“Hey, I was watchin’ that!” exclaimed Meatwad, a disappointed expression on his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry? How about you watch my fist on your face!”
Master Shake reached over with his stubby yellow hand and slapped Meatwad.
“Would you two knock it off! Our cable subscription’s run out,” said Frylock, floating into the room with an irate look on his face as usual. He rolled his eyes at the stupidity of his roommates.
“What? But I’ve been out there bustin’ my ass working just to pay the bills around here!” said Shake.
“You’ve been doing no such thing!” Frylock corrected. “You’re unemployed!”
“Well, Boxy Brown and I have been doin’ a new funk album. It’s called The Box Set,” said Meatwad.
Missing the obvious pun, Frylock lectured, “Meatwad, you can’t just call a single album a box set. There have to be more than one--”
“Blah, blah, blah. Hey Frylock, can it with the science crap. You make Stephen Hawking sound like John Madden!” said Shake.
“Oh, you don’t like my science, eh? Well fine, then I won’t tell you why I’ve cut off the cable.”
“You did that?” asked Meatwad. “But why?”
“Because I’ve invented something better. But apparently, Shake here doesn’t want us to see it.”
“Well, if you’re gonna cut off the cable for it, then it had better knock my socks off!” Shake exclaimed.
Frylock started… “You don’t have any--”
“I rest my case,” Shake said.
Frylock raised his eyebrow, unable to comprehend anything that Shake said.
The three fast food items walked into Frylock’s bedroom, and he displayed his latest creation. It was a large, square screen about twenty times the size of their normal TV.
Frylock got out a television remote and pointed it at the box. As he pressed the buttons, various TV shows appeared on the box. Except, rather than looking like TV, the characters and scenery looked like it was real-life, and the box was simply a window into it.
“This is a television portal. It allows you to go inside of your favorite TV shows! You can interact with the characters, or whatever you want to do. It will even turn you into the animation style that the show uses.”
“Can it go inside of Shaft?” asked Meatwad.
Nobody spoke for about five seconds.
“‘Cause if it can’t go inside of Shaft, then I don’t want nothin’ to do with it.”
“It can go inside of any TV show, Meatwad,” said Frylock.
“Oooh! Oooh! I want to go inside of World’s Wildest Police Videos!” said Master Shake, grabbing the remote from Frylock. “Then I can outrun the cops in my 1987 Camaro!”
“Give that back!” said Frylock.
“Man, ain’t no one ever outrun the cops on that show,” said Meatwad, grabbing the remote from Shake.
“Well then I’ll be the first!” said Shake.
“No sir you won’t. I want to go inside of Shaft.”
“That show isn’t even on the air anymore!” said Frylock, grabbing the remote from Meatwad. The three of them continued to struggle with the remote. In the ensuing fight, they ended up pressing buttons on the remote and tuning into The Hub. On the TV was Transformers.
What, did you expect something else to be on?
“Hey, if it isn’t the Douchebag Trio,” said a fat, balding, moustachioed man with a thick New Jersey accent as he walked in the room.
“Oh, hey Carl,” said Shake as he grabbed the remote from Frylock. “We were just watching our new TV.”
“Oh, well that’s great!” said Carl with a smile that dripped of sarcasm. “I’d hate to interrupt your little together time, but maybe you guys could get off your lazy asses, and FIX MY F**KING POOL!”
Carl pointed out the window towards his pool, which was completely demolished. Next to the pool stood a wrecked waverunner.
“I told y’all you couldn’t drive that thing around in that tiny pool without breakin' it,” said Meatwad, eyeing Shake.
“What? That wasn’t me!" said Shake. "I was escaping sharks!”
“Well, you broke my freaking pool!” said Carl. He lunged towards Shake, knocking him back. His immense body fat and weight caused the other two members of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force to be knocked into the television portal. By this time, My Little Pony had come on.
The four individuals got up and gazed around their surroundings.
“Where the hell are we?” asked Carl, looking at the bright and colorful surroundings. He then looked down at himself to find that he was a cream-colored earth stallion with a balding brown mane.
“What the freakin’ hell?” he exclaimed. “I’m a pony!”
Frylock looked at everyone, then at himself. “We’re all ponies. This must be a TV show where everyone is a pony.”
“Wow, good job figuring that one out, Einstein,” Shake scoffed. He was a solid white unicorn stallion with a purple horn and yellow hooves.
Frylock, a red pegasus with a yellow mane, flapped his wings and became airborne.
“This isn’t Shaft at all,” said a small earth colt whose mane and coat resembled Meatwad.
“How do we go back?” asked Carl. “Can’t we change the channel to porn or somethin’?”
Frylock gazed around. He didn’t see an exit back to his room in New Jersey.
“Uh,” he said… “I think I forgot to put in a way to exit.”
“What? You mean I’m gonna be stuck like this forever, Fryman?” asked Carl.
“Well, unless we can find somebody here who can send us back,” said Frylock.
“Don’t you mean somepony?” asked Meatwad. Shake turned around and bucked Meatwad in the side.
“No puns!” he yelled.
The four ponies walked along the path until they reached Ponyville. As soon as they set hoof inside of the town limits, Pinkie Pie burst forward to greet them.
“Ooh, ooh, new ponies! My name’s Pinkie Pie. Welcome to Ponyville! I know absolutely EVERY pony in Ponyville! All 4,782 of them! But I’ve never seen you before? Are you new? Are ya? Huh, huh, huh, huh?”
A frown crossed Carl’s face as he covered his ears with his hooves.
“Make it stop!” he yelled. He trotted off into Ponyville to escape the madness.
“Ooh, are you a unicorn? Why is your horn a different color from your body?” Pinkie Pie asked Shake.
“Unicorn?” Shake responded, puzzled.
“Yeah! That means you can do magic. But I’m sure you already knew that.”
“Magic, eh…” said Master Shake. He closed his eyes and concentrated his horn for about a minute. Suddenly, a bunch of green sparks came out of it. However, they were not normal sparks; they were acidic sparks. Some of them hit Pinkie Pie.
“Aaaaaah!” Pinkie Pie screamed as the acidic magical sparks ate through her flesh. Blood dripped to the ground until she was nothing left but a skeleton. She fell to the ground.
Frylock’s eyes widened. Meatwad’s jaw dropped.
“The horror, the horror!” yelled one pony. She and her two friends ran away from the site of Pinkie’s skeleton.
Master Shake laughed. He ran after the three flower ponies, zapping Roseluck. She melted into a pile of goop.
“Shake, stop that!” said Frylock, flying after Shake.
He found that he could still use his eye lasers, so he fired a warning shot at Shake.
Master Shake turned around. “What? Why such a killjoy? It’s not like any of them are real or anything.”
“Because we need to find a way out of here, and we have to get them to help us!” said Frylock. "And they won't help us if we keep killing them!"
“Pfft,” said Master Shake. “I’m not going back! I have acid powers!”
“The folk who wrote this show were on acid,” said Meatwad.
“Wait a minute… where’s Carl?” asked Frylock. They all looked around and couldn’t find him.
“We have to find him,” said Frylock.
“Oh, look, Err. The Aqua Teens have left their home completely unguarded. How foolish,” said the green, pixellated Mooninite, Ignignokt, as he landed the Mooninite spaceship outside of the house.
“Hells yeah! Time to jack some shit!” said Err. The two Mooninites walked inside of the home. They started with the living room, and stole the couches and the television, which had respawned in the time since Shake had destroyed it. They then stole the kitchen tables and the refrigerator from the kitchen. Finally, they moved into Frylock’s room.
They gazed at the screen and saw My Little Pony, along with the ponified Aqua Teens.
“What’s this?” asked Ignignokt. “Is this some sort of… alternate dimension?”
“A whole new place to steal shit? For real, man!” yelled Err.
“Come, Err. Let us go and plunder this new realm,” said Ignignokt. They both jumped into the portal. However, instead of landing in Ponyville, they landed in Canterlot.
Err was a pegasus colt with a pink coat and a blue mane. Ignignokt was a pegasus stallion with a green coat and a blue mane.
“It looks as though we have been transformed,” Ignignokt observed.
“What? How the hell are we supposed to flip the bird with these things?” asked Err, raising a hoof and frowning.
“Perhaps we should use these wings on our backs,” said Ignignokt, extending out a wing. After a few moments, he managed to manipulate the feathers to where just the one on the tip of the wing was standing out.
“And look at our kickass new moons!” said Err, turning around and looking at his plot.
“Indeed. We have much bigger moons than we did before,” said Ignignokt.
“Now let’s go steal some shit!” said Err. They both flew off into a jewelry shop and raided the entire place, making off with piles of jewelry on their backs.
They then went around the town, tagging buildings with spray paint saying “the moon rulez!”
However, after they had graffitied one of the sides of the royal palace, they were confronted by two Royal Guards.
“You’re under arrest!” said one of them.
“Oh, are we?” asked Ignignokt. “Feel the punishing force of the moon’s weaponry.”
He pulled out a laser gun, which fired a square projectile at approximately one millimeter per second.
The Royal guards laughed, stepped out of the way of the slow bullet, and clapped the Mooninites in irons.
“Oh yeah, baby? Well I can be your special somepony, too,” said Carl. He was in the spa and was talking to the receptionist.
“Where did you say you were from again?” she asked.
“New Jersey. It’s the best state in the union,” Carl lied. “And I’m their ruler. Name’s Kaiser Wilhelm.”
“Ooh, how exotic!” the spa pony giggled.
“Carl!”
Carl turned around and saw the Aqua Teens walking in.
“Hmmph!” the spa pony exclaimed. “Carl? You told me your name was Kaiser Wilhelm!”
Carl grimaced. “Jee, thanks a lot, Fryman. I was about to get laid over here!”
“No time for that,” said Frylock.
“Can I get laid, too?” asked Shake.
“No!” yelled Frylock.
“You dare defy me? Have at thee, knave!” Shake yelled, and powered up his horn. Frylock, thinking quickly, grabbed a mirror from off of a spa table. Just as Shake released his acidic spark spell, the sparks were deflected back at him.
“Aaaah!” Shake screamed, as his skin melted from his bones.
Carl turned to the spa pony. “So, baby, how’s about you and I go back into the tanning bed and--”
Still enraged at Carl, the spa pony bucked him back into a wall. Unfortunately, this wall had pairs of scissors on it for cutting hair, and when he hit the wall, one of them sliced his jugular vein.
“Aaaah!” he yelled as he bled out onto the floor.
“Well,” said Frylock. “Time to go back, Meatwad.”
“Okay. Can we still go to Shaft?”
“No.”
“Who are you two?” asked Princess Celestia as the two Mooninite prisoners were hauled into her throne room in hoofcuffs and wingcuffs.
“I am Ignignokt, and this is Err. We are Mooninites, and we come from the moon.”
“The moon rules!” yelled Err.
“How would you like to see our moons, and our birds?”
“Look at this, bitches!”
They both turned around and showed their plots to the Princess, and extended their middle wing feathers out.
Princess Celestia chuckled. “So, you two like the moon, eh?” she asked. They both nodded.
“Well, too bad. Off with their heads!”