When death just doesn't come quick enough.
There was always something beautiful about the deafening silence that dominated the blackness of space. The weightlessness that it provided, the peaceful silence that it offered and the feeling of.....Well it may seem stupid to think it, but it can give someone both a sense of insignificance and warm feeling of luck.
To be one of the very few who can think and see everything that this harsh universe had to offer. To feel the fear of drifting alone in a vast ocean of nothingness and the awe of witnessing the night sky unhindered by light pollution and noisy distractions.
The best part of it all? It's the part where you get to look back down on your home as you slowly drift away from it. You get to see how vast the oceans are, examine the small patches of white clouds and gawk at the horrifyingly large storms that seem to consume whole islands, and you can just imagine the kids down there staring at the night sky with amazement and wonder at the shiny little specks of light that seem so close yet so far away.
Last month I was worried about getting something to eat before I hit the sack, but now look at me. Alone on some foreign moon just waiting for my supply of oxygen slowly waste away as I wait for the harrowing demise of suffocation. That was the best part of it. The worst part? The large black and blue pony that just didn't seem to get the hint that I wasn't interested in talking.
"And we never really saw the problem in engulfing our precious land in a eternal night! A simple compromise is all we asked for but did our sister even give us a chance? Noooooooooo! It was off to the moon with us! It's not like we wished death upon millions! Only death to those who disobeyed our orders! What could possibly be so wrong with such a lenient law?"
My money was on hallucinations and a massive amount of Co2 leaking into my suit. I could sit and try to reason with myself about how or why this thing was even there, but I thought nothing of it. It was best to just lean myself up against the mound of moon rock and just wait. The view was nice enough to keep me entertained until the end.
"Are you even listening to us? We spend over five hundred years on alone on our precious little moon with nopony here to keep us company and you dare ignore us!?" Nightmare moon hissed, as she pointed a accusing hoof at the indifferent astronaut. "Well!? Answer us!"
"I don't understand what you mean, when you say eternal night. The concept of an eternal night makes absolutely no sense. How would you even do that? You're just a horse." More like a hallucination, but was there anyone here who could really judge me for talking to myself? Might as well humor myself before I die of starvation....Or of boredom.
"Well the plan is actually quite simple! We simply banish our sister from the realm of Equis and prevent the sun from ever rising again! Once we return to Equestria, our sister shall face our wrath once more. Without her precious Elements of Harmony, she will surely fall to prey to the darkness! "
"You're just going to make it not rise?" The unconvinced tone in my uninterested voice seemed to have an effect on the otherwise boisterous equine, as her triumphant sneer became an insulted pout.
"Well....Yes! Why would we not? It's a foolproof plan!"
And so I was torn between two choices. The first was rather obvious. I could continue my little chat with the mentally deranged horse and allow this hallucination to continue or I could just tune it out and wait or I could talk to it. The thought of slowly fading away in the black of space only seemed to fill my stomach with a hollow ache. Bad company is better than no company at all. I could at-least point out the flaws in this insanely idiotic plan of world domination.
"Wouldn't the sun just rise on the other side of your precious little planet? The only way you would be able to thrust your planet into an eternal night would be to simply push your sun off into space or blow it up! How much time did you put into thinking up of this god forsaken plan?"
"We spent plenty of time pulling this ingenious plan together! All we must do is gather enough energy from those accursed Elements and open a gate to the depths of Tartarus itself! Once we've done that we would simply have to sell our soul and in turn the great demons of Orion's Forest would come forth and enshroud the sun in a prison of black magic! Luckily for us, we are immortal so a soul has no real value! It's a fool proof plan!"
Someone kill me.....Please......
******* + *******
"And so we had to deal with all of this on our own! While our sister went off to fancy schools where she could make friends and have fun, we are stuck learning every form of martial arts known to pony! We've been bucked in the face so often that our dear subjects would likely have confused us with an accursed apple tree! And don't even get us started on the hours spent being shot at by Equestria's finest archers. How is that even allowed!? We were clearly the most beautiful princess that Equestria had to offer and we think tha-"
A loud beep rang out, silencing the disgruntled mare and drawing my attention to the light that was emanating from my wrist. Five percent of oxygen left. Yay......
"What was that noise?" The pony asked, as her towering former leaned over to examine the gentle white glow that my space suit gave off.
"I'm running out of oxygen. I only have about five percent left in the suit. At most, I'll have air for another......six minutes."
"Air? What is this air?" the pony asked, her snout scrunching up in confusion. If she wasn't so damn annoying, the face she was making would've been kinda cute.
"It's what I breathe back on Earth. Without it, I am going to die a slow, painful death of suffocation. What little I have left in this suit is slowly being used up with each breath I take. Once it runs out, I'm done."
The pony didn't seem to really understand what I was getting at, so she simply took a few steps closer and looked down on me with more than a little condescension. "Why not just take off the suit?"
"Because I'll die? What the hell is even happening? Am I trying to convince myself to kill myself? What the hell are you?"
"We are Nightmare Moon. And we order you to take off the suit!"
Without even a chance to protect myself, "Nightmare Moon" rips off of my helmet with a twist of her hooves and a painful tug. I expected death to come quickly but it never came. No freezing agony, no immediate death no anything.
Taking a experimental breath, I found that there was air......Not just wisps of it but rich, pure air......It was amazing!
"Awesome!" I squealed, giving Nightmare Moon a high five.
And with the discovery of air in space, Nightmare moon and the astronaut had a ton of sex and lived happily ever after...The End....
Sandra Bullock as Nightmare Moon
George Clooney as That one astronaut
Written and Directed by M. Night Shyamalan