Chapter One
You tug at the collar of your uncomfortably tight, elegantly tailored suit as you step inside the ballroom, nearly blinded by the glimmering splendor of well-dressed ponies and shining marble floors. A massive fountain in the center of the hall flowed arcs of sparkling water into a base delicately carved with illustrations of merponies. The windows of the palace were obscenely high, most definitely violating numerous building codes. Soft, dulcet notes of bass, piano and violin from a small band of mare musicians served to further shape the high-class atmosphere.
An enchanted silk banner, floating above the musicians and glowing bright blue, read "Welcome All To The Annual Fall Fashion Gala!" in perfect, swirling script.
A number of the party guests take notice of you, eyes widening before turning back to their fellow ponies and whispering in hushed, secretive tones. You roll your eyes, wandering further into the ballroom. Being the only human in Equestria and all, you've already gotten used to it. You nearly collide with a waiter filly carrying glasses of Canterlot fine wine on her back as you glance about the crowded hall, clumsily sidestepping her and swiping two glasses off the tray in one relatively smooth move. Although Equestrian wine was weaker than a carton of grape juice and would take several barrels of the stuff to get you buzzed, it was nice to have something occupying your hands- you never could figure out what to do with them at fancy parties like this...
Do you put your hands in your pockets? Behind your back? Perhaps folded across your chest-
"Anonymous!"
A melodic voice with a cheerful tone calls your name, drawing your attention from the subject of hand positions. It was Rarity, a prim and proper fashionista from Ponyville, just the filly you were looking for. Her violet mane was braided into charming swirls around the back of her head, ending in a bun on top. A stunning dress of glowing gemstones and shimmering, pearl-colored cloth complimented her snow-white fur beautifully, cascading to the floor in a trail of ethereal fabric.
"There you are, darling, I've been waiting for you!" She hums, stopping in her tracks once you turned to face her, giving you the once-over with her sapphire eyes and nodding with approval. "I say, you look positively stunning in that wonderful suit! Dress like that more often, won't you?"
"Sure. I'll make an exception, just for you," You grumble. "And I can say the same, Rarity- you look gorgeous tonight." Rarity playfully strikes a pose, one hoof elegantly half-raised, eyes closed and chin pointed up.
You chuckle and hand her the other glass of wine, which she accepts gracefully. As you tug at the unrelentingly hot collar once more, the Ponyville seamstress takes a delicate sip of the rich, violet-red vintage.
"Oh, this is rather strong. Perhaps I shouldn't be drinking this," She coughs politely, covering her mouth with a slippered hoof. "Although I must say it does taste marvelous."
"Come on, live a little, Rarity," You tease, nudging her with an elbow. "Anyways, I'm sorry for being late. The carriage I booked got stuck in mud and I had to wait for another one to come along."
"It's quite alright, darling," Rarity smiles, finishing the wine off and floating the empty glass onto a waiter pony's tray. "And regardless, I wasn't left waiting long. A little late myself, running errands for the Canterlot Carousel."
You feign contempt, holding a hand to your heart and scoffing.
"You? Rarity, running late?" You huff in a haughty Canterlot accent. "How remarkably unladylike. How ever will you find yourself a suitable courter, presenting yourself in such an unrefined manner?"
Rarity grins and plays along, standing on her hind legs and swooning dramatically.
"Oh, you're completely right, darling," She sighs, rather convincingly. "What is a filly like me to do? My heart shall forever stay incomplete, if I am to never have a charming knight sweep me off my hooves!"
You part your hair down the middle and comb out the sides, the manestyle of many a cocky Canterlot noble. "Rarity, my dear, I am devastated you bring you this news," You say in a completely different accent, lower in tone, as you hold your index finger and thumb into a crude monocle shape on your left eye. "But I am afraid no worthy stallion will ever date you. You see, everypony knows you were late to that one Fall Fashion Gala Ball all those moons ago."
"What terrible, life-altering news!" Rarity cries. "I am destined to forever live as a bitter old spinster, the thrill of romance and the heartbeat of a stallion as he holds me close in his hooves never to be experienced! Destined!"
The two of you stand still in your silly throes of sadness for a moment before breaking out into giggles. Rarity comes back down from her hind legs, resting her forelegs on your chest as you both attempt to subside the snickers.
As the gala continues, you and Rarity mingle with the other party guests, nobles and fashionistas alike. For the first hour you were quite amused to listen to the socialites and royalty discuss their strange, outlandish ideals of society and confusingly abstract fashion preferences, though as the night dragged on you found yourself growing irritated by their uptight nature and hollow laughter. Fancy parties of this quality weren't really your thing, although Rarity seemed to be completely in her element- navigating the art of conversation with a quick wit and naturally flattering manner of speaking.
You resolve to spend the next bit of time finding new ways to get a chortle from your pony companion, from making strange faces behind the noble's backs to balancing wine glasses in a pyramid on your nose. Rarity mostly tried to ignore you, although you spotted her suppressing a smile when another party guest asked if you were 'quite alright' and if the look on your 'muzzle' was just a human thing. You finally managed to get an actual laugh at your expense when you added yet another glass on top of the towering wine pyramid, only to have it come crashing down and spilling all over your nice suit.
"Sorry! Sorry," You apologize to the waiter pony who hurried over to sweep the broken glass from the floor with her unicorn telekinesis, wincing when she shot you a dirty look. Rarity had somehow managed to hold in her amusement when you had spilled the wine glasses, but burst into uncontrollable giggles once she saw the waiter's piercing glare. She excused herself from listening to a socialite list her favorite white-toned skirt designs in alphabetical order and trotted over to you, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.
"Oh, Anonymous," She tittered, slipping your ruined coat off of your shoulders with an aura of blue magic. "I am ever so glad I invited you to this event. It most certainly wouldn't be far as entertaining without you."
"Huh, really?" You hum, turning to the side so Rarity can get the suit off easier. "You seemed pretty at home talking to all of those royals."
"Ha! Please," The marshmallow-colored filly mutters, folding the clothing into a neat square. "These nobles are as exciting as the rust on an old needle. All they talk about is the latest fashion trends and what they had for lunch this morning- I'd much rather talk with you."
Suddenly, her smile disappears, replaced with an expression of awe.
You follow her gaze to an effeminate-looking stallion, surrounded by a crowd of sharp-faced, remarkably pretty pony models. His fuchsia mane was styled into a strange, wavy shape with what must have been an entire can of hair spray, and he wore a blanket scarf around his shoulders. Rarity nearly begins to bounce on the spot, opening and shutting her mouth as if wanting to say something.
"Woah, are you okay? Who's that guy?"
"Who's that guy?" Rarity screeches, giving you a startled look. "Only one of the most high-profile fashion designers in all of Equestria! Maynes DeVyne, editor of Glamare magazine and winner of the 'Canterlot's Fall Fashion Gala' award seven years in a row!"
You stare at her blankly.
"Established the Canterlot Institute of Fine Clothing Design twenty years ago? Personally trained nine of Equestria's top fashionistas into the fashion masters they are today? Enjoys long walks on the beach, rollerblading and knitting scarves?"
Rarity had gotten progressively louder and more flustered as she spoke, now panting quietly, face a brighter shade of red than a ripe strawberry. You shake your head slowly, careful not to incite more of her fan filly rage.
"Doesn't ring a bell."
"Just know that his influence is as good as bits in the fashion world!" She huffs, eyeing the models of DeVyne's posse with admiration. "The very mention of your designs in the 'editor's picks' articles of Glamare Magazine is all but guarantee the clothing line will succeed!"
You ponder this information before taking Rarity by the hoof and walking towards DeVyne.
"What are you doing?" Rarity gulps, noticing you were moving her across the ballroom.
"We're off to mingle with Mr. Mayne," You say cheerily, the little resistance Rarity can manage overridden by your superior strength.
"Anonymous, wait just a moment!" She yelps, sapphire eyes darting about uncontrollably. Her marshmallow-like hoof squeezes itself out of your grip, and she stands firmly on the spot. "DeVyne is notoriously fickle about meeting fans- at least, according to a tabloid I read at the market three months ago!"
"You're not just any fan," You reply, stopping for a moment to pick the marshmallow pony up by the belly and holding her more securely in your arms. "You're the owner of the Canterlot Carousel, the newest big thing in the world of high fashion! You're going to talk to him as a colleague, not some run-of-the-mill fashionista hopeful."
Before she can protest any further, you arrive at DeVyne's side and set Rarity down, who brushes her shoulder off with an indignant harrumph. DeVyne's spirited conversation with one of his models fizzle out as his eyes focus on your massive shadow, following the silhouette until meeting your eyes with his.
"I say," He sputters, clapping his hooves together in excitement, massive mane jiggling like jelly at the abrupt movement. "You're that alien fellow, aren't you? Anonymous Human?"
"The one and only."
You sigh inwardly, rather miffed about your name. It was still a sore subject for you, even though a year had passed since you first woke up in Equestria. The name was given to you on a whim by Princess Celestia, ruler of the land you found yourself in, who suggested it jokingly when introducing you to the populace at a highly-attended conference after the princesses had deemed you harmless and 'huggable'. The ponies unfortunately took it quite seriously and you reluctantly accepted it as your name- mostly because you simply couldn't remember your real one. Or anything specific about life where you originally used to live, for that matter.
"What a unique frame..." DeVyne whispers, running a circle around your legs and mumbling out loud. You notice one of his model ponies had taken out a notebook, and seemed to be drawing a sketch of you for future reference. "Such angular features, a smooth, hairless coat...and a truly fashionable sense of style, to boot. Tell me, who designed your clothing?"
You gesture to Rarity, who was suddenly very interested in the intricate ceiling design.
"The lovely mare responsible is right here! Mister DeVyne, if I may introduce you to Rarity, my date," You say in serious tone. Rarity's eyes widen, and a pink tinge appears on her cheeks.
"Rarity, of course, a pleasure to meet you," DeVyne greets, bowing courteously. "I've heard great things about you! Owner of that new boutique, all the ra- I say!" He sprang up a foot in the air once he realized what you said, glancing back and forth between you and Rarity. "Your date, did you say? As in, he is your potential special somepony? You and Mister Anonymous, together, an item?"
"No!" Rarity suddenly sputters, hooves digging into the marble floor. "No, Anonymous is not, in fact, my potential special somepony. Far from it, actually!" She began alternating between glaring daggers at you and aiming apologetic smiles at DeVyne.
Mr. Maynes noticeably was saddened, and lowered his head.
"My apologies, you two," He sighed, running a hoof through his over sized-mane. "I got a little excited there for a second- the very prospect of it is just such a juicy idea!"
You and Rarity glance at each other, then back at DeVyne.
"It is?" You say in unison.
"Yes, yes!" DeVyne cried. "The alien, a world away from home, finds himself in the beautiful lands of Equestria! All alone, no humans to provide company- and yet he finds warmth, romance, true love!" He gets on his hind legs and clutches at his heart. "Not in the arms of another human, but in the hooves of a lovely young filly!"
His model ponies clap politely.
"Ah... nothing quite like a deep connection between individuals of two species. Knowing that despite the physical differences, love has made a match!" DeVyne exhaled, returning his forelegs to the marble floor.
You suppose that does sound sweet, and nod in agreement.
"My wife is a griffin, you know," He trailed on. "Interspecies relationships are a rare, but truly wonderful thing. I was so very enthused to believe I had found a couple kindred couple of souls- but alas, no dice. A shame, really, that such a couple is so hard to find."
"Is that so?" Rarity replies, in a strangely high voice. You glance at her and notice a tiny smile on her lips, most likely because of DeVyne's heartwarming relationship with his wife.
"I can't help but get excited by the idea of it!" DeVyne laughs, running a hoof through his mane once more. "I'd imagine we would make fast friends, my family and that couple."
"Really, now," Rarity replies again, somewhat distractedly. You look at her again to find a confused look on her face, as though she were conflicted about something she had just thought of. DeVyne didn't seem to notice her odd behavior, as he continued to detail his dream inter-species friend couple.
"...We'd play tennis, of course, and I suppose it'd present a challenge of sorts...My wife and I have great co-ordination, I've found, though if the other couple were to have a minotaur that'd present a quite worthy challenge..."
"Minotaurs are known for their powerful serve," The fashionista filly mumbled, breathing heavily, brows furrowed. You wonder if she's only terribly nervous about having a conversation with who must be one of her biggest inspirations.
"Ah, well. Enough about that subject. Anyways- Anonymous, old chap, do you perchance have your sights set on any lucky fillies?"
"Rarity, are you alright?" You inquire, barely paying heed to DeVyne's question, instead distracted by Rarity's entire body suddenly twitching at alarming speeds.
"Mister DeVyne!" Rarity practically yells, sapphire eyes shut tight. "I think you misinterpreted what I said! Anonymous is not my potential special somepony- he is my special somepony!"
Your mouth shoots straight open, and a quiet "hwaueh?" is all you can manage. DeVyne nearly faints on the spot, and begins to fan himself with a hoof. The model ponies ooh and aah, clapping politely once again.
"That's right!" She yells once more, cheeks a bright shade of pink, declaring for all to hear. Every noble and fashionista in the room turns towards her, expressions of bafflement on their muzzles.
"He's my...my...Nonnykins snugglebug!"
The ballroom is completely silent for a moment, before erupting into heated whispers amongst the party guests.
"Rarity!" You sputter, unsure of what was worse- her sudden, anguished declaration of love, or the word snugglebug. "Rarity, what in Equestria are you talking about?" The mare in question takes in the stares of Canterlot nobility, all eyes in the ballroom trained on her, and hesitates for a moment, taking a deep breath, before zoning in on you.
"Nonny-kins, darling," She purrs unconvincingly, straightening your collar with her unicorn magic and booping you on the nose lightly. "I know you wanted to keep all this a secret, but I couldn't help it! Mister DeVyne's heartfelt speech was simply too much to bear, and I just had to let the cat out the bag!" Rarity bats her eyelashes seductively.
"Rarity, Anonymous, this is fantastic news!" DeVyne harps, still bouncing up and down. "I can see a brilliant friendship in our midst- I must take a visit to the Canterlot Carousel soon!"
"Of course, of course!" Rarity gleefully titters. "I'll be in town for a few more weeks!"
"And I'll have to invite you two for dinner sometime- a double date to introduce you to my wife!" He continues, then waves his hoof and waits until a model pony draws out a notebook once more. "Figure skating at that ice rink in the center of town, catching that romantic comedy- great reviews, I've heard- couple activities...the list goes on and on!" He turned to the model pony taking notes and mumbled in hushed tones. "And do write down in the corner there...yes, 'editors picks', if I fancy her designs..."
Rarity nearly fainted, and you quickly steady her by the shoulders. The model pony taking notes coughs for DeVyne's attention, gesturing at an ornate hoof watch around her wrist.
"Well! It seems the time has come for me to return home," DeVyne nods, glancing at you and Rarity, who still looks a little wobbly in the hooves. "It was truly wonderful meeting you two! And Anonymous-" He winks at you, "Keep that mare happy!"
The legendary fashion stallion tosses his scarf over his shoulder and trots away daintily, model ponies following in tandem.
You and Rarity stand there silently for a long moment, before you slowly kneel and grab the mare softly by the shoulders, turning her to face you. Her cheeks are glowing, and she seems to be out of breath from all of the yelling she had just accomplished. You struggle to contain a few choice dirty words before settling on an innocent inquiry.
"Rarity," You say in even, measured tones. "Could you please explain to me just what that was?"
"I know!" She replies, completely missing the underlying rage in your voice. "Maynes DeVyne loved us! I can't believe it- did you hear how excited he was? Oh Nonnykins, come here, you big lug!" Her fluffy arms wrap around you neck, and you struggle to break free from her surprisingly powerful choke hold.
"No, no no no no," You yelp, holding her from afar and jangling her somewhat delicately. "Rarity, did you forget? I'm not actually your special somepony."
Rarity's placid smile slowly turns to a confused frown, then gradually into a look of pure embarrassment as the implications of her impulsive deed seem to finally dawn on her.
"Oh, dear." She whispers. "I seem to have gotten a teensy bit carried away..."
You give her a stone-faced grimace.
"A lot carried away, then," She affirms, scrunching her nose and offering a guilty smile.
"I'm gonna go find that stallion and clear up the confusion," You sigh, getting back up to your feet.
"Anonymous, wait!" Rarity cries, keeping a grasp on your shoulders as you rise and nearly sending the two of you careening to the floor with the unexpected shift in weight. "You can't do that! I- I made a scene in front of everypony!" You tear her off of your dress shirt and hold her face up to eye level.
"I'd be a laughing stock throughout all of Canterlot- all of Equestria!" She wails, sticking her bottom lip out. "Not to mention DeVyne- he's much nicer than I assumed, he'd be destroyed by the news!"
Rarity begins to quiver the bottom lip, sapphire eyes gleaming with tears. You try your hardest not to give in, but the sight of a cute little filly about to cry is simply too much for you to handle. Also, you didn't really want mascara dripping all over what was left of your suit.
"Fine, fine!" You moan, conceding defeat. "I won't tell him. Let's just forget about this and pretend it never happened."
"It wouldn't be that simple," Rarity sniffles, tears subsiding. "What would everypony think of us after that? A day after announcing our love and we break up?"
"Your love," You correct her, booping her softly on the nose. "Announcing your love. And I guess you're right about it not being convincing enough- what do you propose, then?"
"How about you... act as though you're my coltfriend?" She ventures. "We can pretend to be special someponies, at least for a little while."
"...What, like, go on dates?"
"I suppose so," Rarity quietly mumbles, face growing hot. "Of course, nothing would be meant by it, but we would have to keep up appearances. To seal the deal, as it were..."
"Unbelievable," You mutter. Despite every fiber of your being telling you to do otherwise, you eventually find the strength to nod. "Alright. Just for a little while, and no weird stuff. A couple months, at the most."
The fashionista filly breaths a sigh of relief and wraps her hooves around you once more.
"Thank you, Anonymous Human." She whispers, nuzzling into your collarbone. "Or should I say...my handsome widdle snugglebug?"
You already knew this was going to be a long couple months.