Pinkie P.A.I. - P.A.I. meaning 'Pony Artificial Intellegence' - mysteriously shows up on my doorstep. There must be more to this than what she wants me to believe...
A strange package was delivered to my house. It was labeled "Pinkie P.A.I., Your New Best Friend" with "Pony Artificial Intelligence" written underneath. What it could mean?
Gunshots and explosions. These two wonderful noises combined into a chaotic chorus of destruction that drowned out anything and everything. The calls of my injured teammates were hardly audible but were ignored regardless. I had a mission and I wasn't going to stray from it just because a rookie got a couple of scrapes. I knew what I needed to do and anyone would be insane to think I wasn't going to follow through with my goal.
A sniper far in the distance took his shot on me. His bullet bored straight through my armor and buried itself deep in my right shoulder. I cringed in pain as I threw myself into the cover of a nearby building before the sniper could line up a second shot.
Millions of thoughts raced through my mind. How much longer do I have to live? Can I still complete the objective? In my split second of decision making I figuratively bit the bullet and pushed on, doing my best to ignore the searing pain.
Cautiously, I peered out over my cover. The sniper was distracted by one of my teammates on the other side of him. Right then was my chance to strike. I sprinted out of cover, with my last grenade in hand.
I gracefully swam in between flurries of bullets and broken barricades. This is what my life had been building up to, this is what I was meant to do. In one swift motion, I gripped the pin in my teeth and pulled. Positioning myself into a throwing stance, I lobbed the grenade high above the buildings and right into the snipers nest.
Ding dong!!!
The doorbell echoed throughout my small apartment, breaking my concentration as I looked towards the door. I turned back to the screen just in time to see my own frag grenade detonate in my face. My glorious kill streak was obliterated in a single moment of fiery death.
The sniper victoriously mocked me shouting, "Cook your 'nades before you toss them, noob!" before laughing maniacally and snorting occasionally.
"Rodger that," replied my friend Andy who came running up behind my newly re-spawned character.
I strategically placed a claymore in the doorway of the small office, stood my character in a corner and let him idle in the menu.
Taking my controller along with me, I checked the peephole of the door. There was no one there at all. Confused, I opened the door, thinking that maybe somebody was just doorbell ditching me or something. Instead, however, I was greeted by a small white box.
"Well, I think you might be at the wrong address," I grinned as I reached down to pick up the cute little cube.
"What is it?" inquired Andy through the cheap headset.
"It's a box, but if you give me half a second to look at it I might be able to find out what it is," I huffed.
"Well then get on with it, I can't stay here forever," moaned Andy, who was impatiently pacing back and forth.
I sat myself back down on the couch with the box in hand. I then placed the controller down on the couch to better examine the box. After looking at it from multiple different angles, I was unable to find any clue as to this strange box's origins or why it happened upon my doorstep.
Through my headset I heard my claymore detonate followed by a final kill-cam signifying that the match had ended.
"Nice!" I rejoiced as I continued to play with the box, "This box isn't addressed to anyone... Should I open it?"
There was a brief pause before Andy replied, "How big is it?"
"How does that matter?" I asked looking down at the box, "It's about three inches cubed, why?"
"No reason..." There was another slight pause, "You should do it. Because, who knows? There could be a treasure map or something inside."
"Alright," I said holding the mysterious cube, "I'll open it but I'm going to exit out and then invite you into a private match after I open it."
"Aw, come on, man! You can't just leave me out of this!" whined Andy.
I sighed and rubbed my temple, "Fine, but you're in charge of making the match."
"Deal!" cried Andy right before disappearing from the lobby. Seconds later his invite notification popped up on the screen. I unconsciously accepted his request and joined him in an empty room. "Alright, you can go ahead and open it now."
I held the box in my palm. Carefully pulling off the opaque plastic wrapping, I revealed the soft pink writing beneath that said, 'Pinkie P.A.I., Your New Best Friend' and smaller words '(Pony Artificial Intelligence)' in parenthesis underneath it.
"Well... Uh... There's some writing here..." I muttered contemplating what the cryptic title could have possibly meant.
"What does it say?" asked Andy eagerly.
"It's got something to do with ponies," I warned. Luckily, Andy knew of my obsession with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and grew to accept me for it, even though he still thought that it was pretty weird.
"Well, this is you we're talking about. What kind of pony stuff is it?" inquired Andy.
"It says something about it being an AI, but it's weird because I haven't ordered anything like that."
"That's even more reason to open it! Now I need to know what it is!" begged Andy sarcastically.
"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a twist. I'm opening it," I sighed with a dismissive smile.
Slowly, I removed the top half of the cube to reveal an alien looking disk. On it, there was a glass hemisphere in the center and a single pink button on the side. Not finding anything else of value inside of the box except for a silky cushion, I placed the box and its lid down on the coffee table. For how small the disk was, it was surprisingly heavy. It weighed at least a pound but was only about the size of a half dollar.
"You should get over here, Andy. This is pretty cool," I murmured before exiting out of the room. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. Andy was a great friend, but sometimes he could be quite smothering. However, he was loyal and honest, which was probably why he stuck around.
I rolled the disk around in my hand. The button was so appealing but at the same time was very unnerving. "Might as well push the button just to see what happens. It might be something pretty cool," I said halfheartedly optimistic.
I placed the disk down on the table next to my controller before cautiously pressing the button. A soft glowing pink erupted from the glass hemisphere the moment my finger made contact with the disk. It made me stumble back slightly but I was immediately pulled back in as a delicate form began to take shape in the air above the disk. Starting from the bottom grew four beautiful hooves and into slender legs. Then came the sleek body and bouncy pink tail. The incomplete entity began to stretch its legs as if it was preparing to run a race while its neck took shape. Finally, formed the head and cotton candy mane of the mare that I knew all too well.
The pink hologram pony yawned and then smiled cheerfully. "The booting process is now complete!" she cheered gleefully. She blinked her bright blue eyes excitedly as she looked around at her new surroundings before focusing on me. "Hello, there!" she smiled.
"Uh... Hi?" I said awestruck.
The pony giggled and said, "My name is Pinkie P.A.I., what's your name?"
"M-My name?" I stuttered.
"Of course, silly. What else do you think I meant?" she teased.
"My name is James, James Grove. Most of my friends call me Jim though," I said staring down the strange pony AI hologram thing. "What exactly are you?"
"I just told you, I'm Pinkie P.A.I.! But you probably meant something more literal, right?" she asked with a cute tilt of her head.
"Yeah..." I nodded.
"Alright! It's time for an explanation," a holographic chair and owners manual instantaneously materialized and Pinkie sat herself down opening the pamphlet. "I am a highly advanced AI appropriately named Pinkie P.A.I. - P.A.I. meaning 'Pony Artificial Intelligence' - based off of the beloved character known by many as Pinkie Pie. However, I do host a few deviations from Pinkie Pie such as vocabulary and general knowledge. A fun way to think about it is as if you took Twilights' smarts and combined it with the body and personality of Pinkie Pie, that's what I am!" Pinkie said tossing the packet in the air which disappeared as quickly it had appeared a moment earlier.
"That's... Wait, what?!" I stumbled, "You're telling me that you are an AI that's years ahead of current technology based off of a TV show character? A character that I just so happen to be particularly fond of? Seems too good to be true."
"Don't be so flattering," Pinkie blushed, "But simply put, yes. That is exactly what I am."
"Well, I -"
"I understand you probably have like a ton of questions you want to ask right now but could you please help me out with a little introduction survey? It'll only take a teeny tiny minute or two," she requested sweetly with a clipboard now in her hoof.
"Sure, I guess," I agreed.
"Alrighty then, first question, how old are you?" Pinkie asked, now wearing a pair of hot pink librarians glasses.
"Right now, I'm Thirty-two, but in three weeks I'll be turning Thirty-three."
"That's good to know..." Pinkie mumbled through a pen as she furiously scribbled down notes. "Okay, next question," she said with the pen still in her teeth, "Are you currently employed?"
"Self employed, yes."
"That's interesting, what kind of self employment?" Pinkie asked peering over the glasses.
"I mostly design software but I sometimes repair computers on the side. How is this relevant, if I might ask?"
"It's my way of -"
Ding dong!!!
"Eep!" shrieked Pinkie before her hologram dissipated.
"Don't be scared, Pinkie," I said trying to console her, "That just means that someone is at the door, it's probably my friend Andy."
"You should go see who it is," said Pinkie through the lightly glowing glass, "I'll just stay here and keep the table safe."
"Okay then, I'll be right back," I said standing up. It's kind of weird that Andy would be here so soon because he lived at least an entire county away. I again peeked through the peephole and saw nothing, just like before.
'Is there a chance that there's another package?' I thought to myself.
I swiftly pulled the door open expecting another box at my feet. Instead, there stood a twelve year old pony-tailed girl with a stuffed backpack and suitcase in tow.
"Aunt Jenny told me to give this to you," said the girl, holding a letter in her outstretched hand.
"Um, okay," I said taking the note.
The front read "To Jim". I tore open the top of the letter using my thumb and pulled the neatly folded printer paper out. Unfolding the paper, I cleared my throat and read the message aloud.
"Dear Jim, it has come to my attention that you haven't spent enough time with your daughter since my sister -your ex-wife- Sabrina gained full custody. She was meant to stay with me for about a month while Sabrina went on vacation with her new fiance but I have a pretty full plate when it comes to my work. I'm leaving Alexis with you so you can bond with her. She's wants to know her father probably just as bad as you've wanted to know your daughter. Sincerely, Jennifer."
P.S. Be sure not to tell Sabrina about this, I'm sure she'll go right after the courts if you do."
I looked up from the letter at Alexis who was uncomfortably standing in the doorway, "Should I come inside then?" she asked nervously.
"Oh, yeah. Come on in," I said stepping to the side to let her through, "Just put your stuff anywhere and, um, I'll go set up a room for you, I guess."
I meticulously moved around the couch -making sure to inconspicuously sweep Pinkie up off of the coffee table- and walked as calmly as I could to the second bedroom. Minding to carefully shut the door behind me, I fell heavily into the tattered computer chair. "Isn't my life just wonderfully complicated?" I asked sarcastically, "First, I find some sort of advanced pony AI on my doorstep. Then my distant daughter. What next?!"
Ding dong!
"I think that's for you!" chirped Pinkie through the disk.
I was about to scream in frustration, but I restrained myself for the sake of Alexis. "That better be Andy," I muttered under my breath, "I don't know how much more craziness I can handle!" I mentally forced myself out of the well-used chair to greet my newest guest.
"I'm not just some AI you know," politely objected Pinkie, "I'm unique. Even compared to the other five, they are nothing like me at all..."
"Wait, there are more of you?" I asked stunned.
"Well duh! It wouldn't be the complete Elements of Harmony without all six of us!"
"Does that mean that the other AIs are the other ponies of the mane six?" I asked speculatively.
"That's right!" Pinkie cheered, "We're the best of friends! We used to play all the time, that is, before our destiny was determined."
"What is that supposed to mea-"
Ding dong!
"I think you might want to get that," giggled Pinkie.
"Ugh, alright, I got it," I said reluctantly leaving the room.
"Do you want me to answer it?" offered Alexis from the living room. She was still sitting on the couch rummaging through her over-stuffed backpack.
"It's okay, I've got it," I said as I quickly walked to the door. After fumbling over the simple chain lock that Alexis must have set after I left, I opened the door to greet a very exhausted and sweaty Andy.
"I got here... As fast as... I could," huffed Andy who was hunched over with his elbows on his knees trying to catch his breath.
"Did you run here?!" I asked astonished, "You live miles away!"
"Grammy was on her way... To the laundromat so... I just caught a ride with her."
"Are you kidding me? The laundromat is still like a mile and a half away from here!" I exclaimed, baffled at the thought that he had made it here at all, "It's not like it was that urgent! Whatever, come get a cup of water or something."
I ushered the wheezing Andy inside and around the island of the kitchen. He splashed his face a few times, dried himself off on the kitchen towel, and looked as if he was brand new.
"Whew, so much better!" rejoiced Andy with a victorious stretch. At the exact moment Andy relaxed his arms, his eyes locked with Alexis'. "I... Uh... Didn't know you had guests already."
Alexis immediately looked away with a nervous blush and hid her face behind her bag.
"This is my daughter Alexis," I explained, "She is going to be staying with me for a month so we can bond with each other."
"Didn't Sabrina win custody or something though?" asked Andy.
Alexis cleared her throat. "Well, she did, but I was supposed to be with my aunt for a bit while my mom went on vacation with her newest fiance. Then my aunt and I got talking and we came up with a great idea. I could spend some time with James and she could concentrate on the sculptures she's been working on. Of course my mom couldn't find out because she doesn't like James at all."
"I guess that makes some sense..." muttered Andy. He furrowed his brow and fell deep into thought.
"You can call me dad you know," I said to Alexis with an uneasy smile.
"Um... I think you might have to earn that title..."
"Oh, okay," I said looking down awkwardly. Everyone in the room sat in uncomfortable silence. Time seemed to stretch out for an eternity.
Pinkie buzzed to life, breaking the deafening quiet with her cheery voice. "You should put me down on the table, pretty please," Pinkie requested.
Everyone eyes immediately darted down to the glowing disk held firmly in my hand. I looked back and forth at the awestruck faces of both Andy and Alexis before complying with Pinkies' wish. A few short seconds later, Pinkies' hologram loaded the same way she had when I had first pushed the button, except this time she was just showing off. As her mane finished forming, she struck a few silly poses before sitting down with a welcoming smile.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie P.A.I., it's a pleasure to meet you!" she announced gleefully.
Alexis was the first to react with a squeal of delight. She immediately rushed Pinkie, asking her a flurry of nonsensical questions. "Oh my gosh, are you really Pinkie? Well, of course you are! You're sitting right there! Aw man, this is so cool! What's it like in Equestria? Are the other ponies as awesome as the show says they are? What about your cupcakes? Aren't they just absolutely amazing? Oh, what about..."
Andy, on the other hand, stood in a silent disbelief. What his eyes saw conflicted with what his brain said shouldn't exist. He looked over to me with his mouth open as if he was about to say something but didn't. Instead, he just looked back at the smothered Pinkie with his mouth still agape. His mouth suddenly shut as he realized that he left it open and then shook himself back into reality similar to the way a dog would dry itself off. "S-so this is what you wanted me to see?" he asked quietly, unsure if that was the right question to ask at all.
"Yeah," I replied, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Well... It's sure interesting," he said still looking down at Alexis and Pinkie. All of a sudden, he began to laugh as if he had remembered a particularly funny joke. "You know, Alexis is a lot like you used to be."
"You're changing the subject," I accused, afraid of the painful conversation about to follow.
"I know, I know, but hear me out. Do you remember that time? Now that I think about it, it must have been at least eight years ago," Andy reminisced, "Alexis was about to have her fourth birthday party, do you remember that?"
I looked back at the distant memories. "Yeah, vaguely."
"You were all sorts of exited when Sabrina had a change of heart and said you could stop by for a few minutes to see Alexis. After the call you told me you couldn't help but cheer at the top of your lungs," Andy paused and chucked, "And the neighbors weren't all too appreciative of it."
Memories from that day came flooding back to me as the wall which I had unintentionally repressed them with broke down. I remembered the buttered toast I had just made as I got the call. I remembered the beautifully perfect weather. I even remembered that poorly made detergent commercial playing on the TV in the background. That day hit me like and emotional tidal wave.
"Is that true?" asked Alexis, who was still facing away from me.
"It's as true as I am handsome," boasted Andy with a cheesy pose.
"You know, that might not be the best analogy," I teased.
"I... Uh..." Alexis sniffled, "I think I need to be alone for a minute," she got up and dashed away, locking herself in the bathroom.
"Poor girl," sighed Pinkie, "So many crazy things happening all at once. That could put anypony in a sour mood. It's so sad. If only I could..." Pinkie sniffled.
"Come on now, there's no need for you to start crying," I said comfortingly, "You shouldn't need to worry about Alexis. I don't think she left because she's sad, I think it's because she's just a little confused."
"Really?" asked Pinkie with a new tone of optimism, "Then we should let her figure things out and when she comes back I'll cheer her up with a super duper secret song I just made up for her."
"That's the spirit," I said with a smile.
"Hey, James," said Andy, "It kinda looks like if I stay then I'll just be in the way."
"You don't need to go if you don't want to," I said halfheartedly.
"Yeah, I knew you'd say something like that, but I should still probably be out if I want a ride back with Grammy."
"If that's what you have to do, then I'm not stopping you," I said moving back to let Andy pass, "Don't go killing yourself with your running, alright?"
"Alright," grinned Andy. He did some pre-run stretches as he walked towards the door and popped his knuckles just for added effect, "You better be online later," Andy said opening the door.
"I might be."
"I'm holding you to that," said Andy as he jogged away.
I sighed as I shut the door behind him.
"How long have you two been friends?" Pinkie inquired.
"It was my junior year of high school I believe," I said looking down the hallway, "Do you think I should go check on Alexis?"
"She looked pretty sad, but I think you'll be okay to go talk to her," Pinkie encouraged.
I nodded and walked over to the bathroom door. I then knocked a couple times and waited quietly for a response.
"What do you want?" Alexis asked shakily. She had obviously been crying.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay," I said through the door.
"You're a few years late to be 'making sure I'm okay'."
"I'm sorry, I really am. Things have a funny way of working out, you know?"
"Why?" Alexis choked out.
"Why, what?" I asked in concerned confusion.
"Why were you never there when I needed you?" she asked, her voice barely audible.
"Don't think I didn't want to be there for you. Sabrina would murder me if I got within a hundred feet of you," I admitted.
"Why do you two hate each other so much? Mom won't tell me because she says that I'm too young to understand, but I am old enough!"
"Well... It's complicated," I trailed off.
"That's exactly what mom says..." Alexis murmured spitefully.
I stood next to the door in somber silence thinking of some way to make this all better. It didn't look like there was anything I could do to help her. I wasn't there for her and we both knew that.
"Hey, are you listening still?" I asked after what felt like hours of silence.
Alexis sniffled before replying, "Yeah, I'm listening."
"Out relationship is pretty rocky -we both know that- but that's why you're here, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but..." Alexis couldn't find the right words.
"So I say that instead of dwelling on what happened and didn't happen we focus on right now. You're here now and that's what matters, right?"
After a few moments the lock disengaged and the door crept open. To my surprise Alexis ran out and held me in a tight embrace. "You're right," Alexis smiled, "Just promise me that this time you'll stay."
