A series of shorts ranging from funny to sad to non-sequitur
All of my current one post one shots. Mostly used a thread-bumpers back before I left the AiE threads on /mlp/. A lot of them are Fetishy, but not all. So there's your warning. If you don't like it, don't read it. They range in genre from comedy to sad to tragic, or combinations therein. All spelling mistakes are intentional, either for comedic effect, or leaving them as is for the record since I wrote some of these while drunk or high and don't really remember them.
Day 456 in Equestria. Rainbow Dash boasts she can beat you at any sporting event. If you win, she'll do anything you want. She's so confident, she lets you pick the event. SUMO WRESTLING MOTHAFUCKA.
Easily beat her. Tell her to open her mouth. With tears in her eyes, she takes the entire length in her mouth. She spits.
"This is so dirty!"
"You're not done yet. Put it back in your mouth."
She does so, obviously disgusted. She involuntarily begins to run her tongue over it. You're loving it. Finally, after a minute, she spits the earthworm out.
"There, I kept a worm in my mouth for a minute."
"And it was hilarious."
"You know, when I said you could make me do anything you wanted, I thought you'd want to fuck me."
Day 999 in Equestria. Hear a knock on the door. Open it. It's Fluttershy. Before she can speak, you grab her. You drop kick her in the taco. She goes flying over the horizon. She's probably dead.
The shock of arriving in Equestria gave you a heart attack, and now you have a condition. Fluttershy's house burnt down, leaving 40% of her body burned. Rarity lost her hearing during a tragic sewing machine malfunction. Pinkie Pie lost her hind legs to diabetes. Apple Jack went blind in a farming accident. Twilight lost her front legs when one of her experiments went awry. Rainbow Dash is a lesbian. You all go to school together.
Day -1 in Equesria. Here nock on door. Its Fluttreshy.
"Hey Anon wana sex?"
"Ok"
You stick yor 2 feet long weiner in her. Have sex in the missonary cow girl postition. Shit was SO money. Fins out next Day Flutertshie gave you herpatitis.
Day 2468 in Equestria. Knock on door. It's Fluttershy.
"Anon, I just found out that wanting to rape you is a medical disorder. I'd get corrective surgery, but I can't afford it. Can I borrow twenty-seven thousands bits?"
"Pssh, no. But don't worry, I can perform the procedure myself!"
"Really? Oh, that would be wonderful."
Five minutes later, she's tied to a chair in your kitchen.
"So are you sure you can do this?"
"Of course!"
"How does it work?"
"Normally, something like this would require precise cuts to a specific part of your brain, but I know something just as good: grievous blunt force trauma! So I grabbed this paving stone from my garden."
"Will... will it hurt?"
"Oh no, the anesthetic and procedure are simultaneous."
"Will it take long? I have to feed the animals."
"Oh don't worry, it shouldn't take long. The success rate is very low."
You smack her across the back of the head with the stone. She doesn't move. You drag her back to her cottage and chuck her through a window.
Day 565656 in Equestria. It's a dark and stormy night. You wake up to a loud thumping sound coming from outside. You put on your slippers and look outside, but it's too dark. Sounds like it's coming from your shed. You tear the door open and jump inside, but it's empty.
Suddenly, there's a flash of lighting. For a split second, you see a hockey mask and a knife. You grab a shovel off the wall of the shed and swing
9999 OVERKILL
You hear Fluttershy scream in pain. Looking close, you see it was Fluttershy the whole time.
"I take it serial killers aren't your fetish?"
You hit her with the shovel a few more times, and go back to bed.
Day Four hundred and 44 in Equestria. It's nightmare night. Dress as a giant bat. While you're hanging with your friends, you see a bully steal candy from a little filly. You chase him down and beat him up. He looks up at you, bleeding.
Day 12321 in Equestria. Hear commotion in the street. Look out to see the Flim Flam brothers hauling a cart into town. Decide to go check it out. They're being booed, but they're ignoring it.
"What do you frauds want?"
That got their attention.
"Frauds? That's behind us dear boy! We're selling a coffee based body moisturizer we developed," Flim says.
The citizens of Ponyville don't care and set their wagon on fire.
Day 12345 in Equestria. As you're walking down the street, you accidentally step on a tripwire. A net falls over you. Fluttershy flutters shyly over to you.
"Oh my. I've finally captured you!"
"Fluttershy, this net only covers my Head and Shoulders™."
You freak out and throw the net off you. Enraged, you grab a blade from the tool belt of a nearby stallion. Fluttershy flies off and you chase after her swinging madly. Twilight sees you and grabs the tool from your hands and levitates Fluttershy to safety.
"Ok, enough of this!"
She goes therapist mode, with the bun and the glasses.
"I see the problem here, you two. Fluttershy, if you stop trying to rape Anon, he won't try to stab you with a putty chisel and end your life."
Fluttershy looks sad.
"Oh, ok..."
"And you, Anon. You shouldn't bother with Fluttershy when you could have all this!"
She tackles you to the ground and starts grinding her marehood over you, soaking you in her juices.
"What kind of a psychologist are you!?"
Her mind snaps.
"PSYCHOLOGIST!? Are you nuts!? I'M A HORSE!"
You suddenly notice she is, in fact, a horse. She's also not purple and has no horn. Looking around, you remember what happened. You hid in your neighbors horse stalls to huff gasoline. All of your adventures in Equestria were just a weird hallucination.
Day 345 In Equestria. You and Twilight are in love. You're about to have your first time together. She suggests turning herself into a human for you. She's willing to sacrifice her magic for your love.
Unfortunately, her spell goes all ICE-9 and covers the entire world. Every pony on the planet is turned into a human. Most of the previous Pegasus die as they fall from their cloud cities. Wide spread panic and rioting. As a human, Celestia can no longer control the sun. The eternal day soon turns Equestria into a barren wasteland.
Day holy fuck in Equestria. Pinkie bounces up to you, annoyingly.
"Hey Anon! I'm going to a concert and have an extra ticket! Wanna go!?"
"Sure, why not."
She takes you to see Insane Clown Ponies. Pony rappers who wear makeup and sing about killing ponies. It's incredibly juvenile, but entertaining. Unfortunately, it's too much for Pinkie and she snaps.
"Juggapones 4 Lyfe!"
She pulls out a hatchet and starts killing ponies left and right. She's finally taken down and arrested. She's found guilty and executed shortly after.
Day XXX in Equestria. Bored as hell. Decide to spend day with Pinkie. Best day ever. At the end both of you are drunk.
"Hey Anon, want to go back to my place?"
She gives you a sexy look. You go back to her place get ready to fuck like rabbits.
"Just a warning, Anon. I like it rough!"
You stick it in her. It's sticky and feels like a wet marshmallow.
"Oh yeah, Anon! Pull my hair! Slap my ass! Now kick me in the stomach!"
Damn this bitch is dirty! Bet someone like her would it it the other way.
"Anon what are you doing?"
You begin to push it inside her horsey pooper.
"WTF I DIDN'T INITIATE DOCKING MANEUVERS ABORT MOTHERFUCKER"
You continue anyway while her tears and liquid feces flies everywhere. Suddenly, Bitchlight Sparkbitch bursts in. You were so drunk, you didn't go to Pinkie's. You went to Twilight's housebrary.
"What's going on here? And what is that terrible smell?"
"That, Twilight, is the smell of win. And freshly sodomized pony booty. But mostly win."
Day wtf in Equestria. Wake up and get out of bed. DAMN you have to piss. You go into the bathroom to relieve yourself.
It takes your half asleep mind a few seconds to realize you're not hitting water. You look down and see Fluttershy's head sticking out of your toilet while you piss on her face.
"What the fuck, Fluttershy! How did you even do that?"
"Oh, so watersports isn't your fetish?"
You flush the toilet, sending Fluttershy spiraling down the drain. She gets stuck in the S-curve and drowns.
Day 36,524 in Equestria. You wake up with a terrible hangover. You don't know where you are. You reach out and accidentally hit a switch. You hear a loud whirring.
"REACTOR ONLINE. SENSORS ONLINE. WEAPONS ONLINE. ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL."
It seems you got drunk and built a Mad Cat. Kewl. You go all Godzilla on Ponyville, shooting lasers and stepping on things. The royal guard is called in, but they stand no chance.
Finally Celestia appears. She can block your shots with her magic, but she's getting weaker.
"GROUP FIRE ENGAGED."
You fire all your weapons at Celestia. The overheat siren begins to wail.
"REACTOR CRITICAL, SHUTDOWN IMMINENT."
No, net yet!
"SHUTDOWN SEQUENCE OVERRIDDEN."
You fire once more and your core goes critical. You, your mech, Celestia, and most of Ponyville are blown into a fine brown powder. Totally worth it.
Day 96 in Equestria. Celestia calls for a surprise talent show. It's mandatory. You're thrust onstage unprepared.
You badly sing the first song that pops into your head. MacArthur Park by Richard Harris, for some reason. Pinkie Pie is in the audience. She completely misses the point of the song. When you get to the part about the cake, she starts crying and making a scene. She ruins your performance. Fucking Pinkie Pie.
Day meh in Equestria. Hear a knock on the door. It's Fluttershy. You cut her off before she can speak.
"I figured out my fetish, Fluttershy."
Her eyes light up.
"Oh, that's wonderful! What is it?"
You lean down and whisper in her ear.
"Bondage."
You lead her down into the special room you had built. She hops up onto the table, and you strap her legs down. You put a blindfold over her eyes and a gag in her mouth.
"Are you ready?"
She nods, shaking with anticipation. You walk over to the door and exit the room. You toss a large sack full of hobo spiders into the room and close the door. Her muffled screams stop long before you finish building the brick wall in front of the door.
Day one in Equestria. See Rarity. Kill Rarity. Today was a good day.
"Why didn't you feed her to Sweetie Belle? After filling her with your seed, of course." ~ HeshieokFasla
Day 1 in Equestria. Decide to start a garden. Buy packets of rose and poppy seeds.
Walking home. See Rarity and Sweetie Belle. Grab Rarity and dump the seeds down her throat. Tear chunks of her flesh off and feed them to Sweetie Belle. She says they're delicious. She doesn't care you're killing Rarity. Ain't nobody likes Rarity. Ain't nobody.
Take her home and bury her. Her body makes great fertilizer. Within weeks you have a beautiful garden.
Day 789 in Equestria. Go see Pinkie Pie. She tells you it's Gummie's birthday and asks if you'd like to help give out the singing invitations. You agree, and she gives you the invitations. First on the list is Fluttershy.
You go to her cottage and knock on the door. She opens it.
"Oh, hello Anonymous. Can I help you?"
"Uhh..."
You realize you don't know a song for this.
"Are you ok, Anonymous?"
Quick, think of something!
"THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING INVITATION! THE ONLY ONE YOU COULD EVER NEED!"
Fluttershy has a heart attack and goes into cardiac arrest. She dies before she reaches the hospital.
Day pemdas in Equestria. Hurt your back at work so you're laid up for a few days. Fluttershy shows up at your house.
"I heard you hurt yourself, Anon, so I'm here to take GOOD care of you..."
Oh no. She pulls out a bag. Inside is a Pony Station 3 and a copy of Not-so-friendly Konflict Resolution 9. Eh...
"I'm the world champ, you know. I bet you can't beat me!"
Oh it's on, now.
You're on your fifth round. She's beat you every time. You're getting pissed. She beats you again.
"Quit spamming low kick, faggot!"
You chuck the controller at her face. She's out like a light. Throwing the controller fucks your back up even more. You're stuck there for 6 days, drinking Fluttershy's blood for nourishment, before someone finally finds you.
day qwerty in Equesta. here knock ob door. it's Penkie.
"Hey anon i am hirny wan tto fuck?"
"Ok"
Yuo stick it in Pinkies pie. you dont even tuoch the edges becsue Pinkies a huge slut. you cum anyway. the next day, pinkie is pregnent with yor babies tat night yo smother her with a pillow wile crieing
Day what the hell ever in Equestria. Fall in love with Rainbow Dash. You get married. You've never been happier.
She's still trying out for the Wonderbolts, trying riskier and riskier stunts. After crashing a few too many times, she develops chronic traumatic encephalopathy. After a while it develops into full-blown dementia. You agree to take care of her, but you don't know what you were getting into. The Rainbow Dash you love is gone.
She just sits in bed, mumbling incoherently and soiling herself. You have to feed her, bathe her, and constantly clean up after her. Seeing her in that condition is too much for you to take. Going into her room, you can smell she soiled herself again. As tears stream down your face, you pull the pillow out from under her head. You lean down and kiss her one last time.
"I love you."
Her eyes go wide as you press the pillow into her face. She begins to struggle, but you hold tight.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" You cry as she struggles to breathe. You think you hear her call your name, but you know her mind too far gone to remember you. Finally, she goes still. You remove the pillow from her face. She had been crying. You hold her body until it's cold, sobbing the entire time.
Day 1996 in Equestria. Hear knock on door. It opens by itself and Fluttershy trots in. Before she can speak you pick her up and throw her through the window. She runs home crying.
The next day, you feel bad. Go to Fluttershy's house. She's in her yard, taking care of her animals. She has cuts on her body from the broken glass.
"Oh, Anon! What are you doing here?" She blushes.
"Can we go inside for a second?"
She gets an excited look on her face, and she leads you inside. Once you're through the door, you pick her up and toss her through a window. She's in the hospital now. She has a lot of cuts and lost a lot of blood. Feeling terrible, you go see her with a bouquet of flowers. She doesn't look at you as you walk in, obviously mad at you.
"I'm sorry, Fluttershy." You say.
She continues to ignore you, so you walk over and kiss her on the cheek. She starts crying, gently caress her mane. After a while she calms down.
"I love you Fluttershy."
She stares at you in shock for a second.
"Oh Anon, I love you too! I'm so happy!"
You sit there for a while, hugging her while she cries tears of joy.
Day 3538 in Equestria. Walking through park to relax. You hear a rustle in a nearby bush. Knowing it's Fluttershy, you reach in a grab what turns out to be a rabid fox.
Arms shredded, you're sent to the hospital. You're not expected to make it. On your death bed, Fluttershy comes to see you.
"Come closer, Fluttershy. Before I die, there's one more thing I have to do."
As she approaches, you use the last of your strength to jump out of bed. You grab her tail and spin. You hammer-throw her towards the window. She misses, and hits the wall, cracking the plaster. Close enough. You die.
Day 195 in Equestria. Constant Flutterrape attempts are running you ragged. Apple Jack comes up with a plan to stop her. For an inbred, uneducated hick without a full set of teeth between her whole family, she's a real bro.
She builds a scarecrow, stuffing it's clothes with straw, and straps a dragon dildo from her personal collection to its crotch. You leave it lying in the road. Hiding behind a tree, you call out. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up."
Before you can blink, Fluttershy is there, humping the decoy. You activate the explosives hidden in the dildo, sending chunks of slut everywhere.
"Thanks, Apple Jack! That was a great idea!"
Suddenly, you're pulled off your feet and hog-tied.
"With her out of the way, Ah ain't got no more competition!"
"Apple Jack! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
And she rapes you. Her pony pussy stinks and burns your skin because southern ponies never bathe. You puke all over yourself, but that only makes her hornier because southern ponies are into some fucked up shit.
Day #*$% in Equestria. You're lying in bed when suddenly you feel something crawling over you. ALL over you. You jerk the sheets back to discover your personal hell.
It's Rarity. About 50 of her. The size of rats. They all keep saying the same thing.
"Darling! Darling! Darling!"
You leap from your bed, but they cling to you. As they swarm over you, you try to run. Out in the hallway you trip and fall down the stairs. You wake up screaming and Fluttershy jumps back in fright. It was all just a dream.
"I take it sleepy-tickles isn't your fetish?"
You look at Fluttershy. You've never been happier to see her. Grabbing her, you plant a deep kiss on her lips. She's stunned as you pull away.
"Oh, Anonymous!"
She goes for another, but you pick her up and toss her out the window. You go back to bed smiling.
Day 330 in Equestria. You are walking through a dungeon. You are dressed in heavy armor, and in your hands you hold a gigantic axe. With you is Twilight. She's dressed in flowing robes and a wizard hat. Fluttershy is also there. She's a bear. Ahead of you, you see hideous, twisted creatures, impeding your progress.
"Ok. Twilight, you attack the closest one and get his attention. Then, Fluttershy, you keep his attention off us while we take care of him. Ready?"
"Ready!" Twilight says.
Fluttershy doesn't answer. She runs straight ahead, into the group of monsters. They tear her to pieces in seconds, then turn to you. Twilight tries to run, but she's taken down. You do your best to stand and fight, but it's no use. With a cry of rage, you succumb to death.
You stand from your chair, put on your coat, and leave the house. A few minutes later, you arrive at Fluttershy's cottage. You enter without knocking. You find Fluttershy at her computer.
"Oh, Anon, what are you doing-"
You grab her keyboard off the desk, and smash it to pieces over her face.
Day $*%)2( in Equestria. You're sitting in your living room. You hear your front door slowly open. The door hinge is rusty. Whoever is opening it is trying to be stealthy, but they're just making a long, cringe inducing creak. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a flash of yellow run behind you. With a sigh, you reach behind the couch. You pick Fluttershy up by her mane. You shake your head and throw her through the window. Walking to the front, you close the door.
A few seconds later, you hear a knock. Surprise, it's Fluttershy. She's cut and bleeding from the broken glass.
"Anonymous, is defenestration your fetish?"
"Why, yes it is! Took you long enough to find out!"
You invite her inside and you make sweet, sweet love. Then you throw her through the window.
Day fuckitall in Equestria. Playing your Ponystation 3. Hear a knock in the door. Ignore it. Hear it open anyway as Fluttershy walks in.
"Hey Anon! What are you playing?"
"Max Pony 3."
"Oh, I beat that. It's fun."
"Mmhmm."
Fluttershy watches you play for a little bit.
"Max dies at the end."
You pause the game and sit there for a moment. You get up, unplug the game, and grab the cord. Walking over to Fluttershy, you wrap the cord around her neck and begin to choke the life out of her.
So spoilers aren't your fetish?" She manages to choke out.
Day glug in Equestria. Hear a knock on your door. You answer it, fully expecting it to be Fluttershy. You open the door to find, surprise, Fluttershy. She's crying.
"Tears aren't my fetish, Fluttershy."
"I know," she says "I've tried that before."
She jumps up and puts her hooves on your chest.
"BUT WHAT IS!?" she screams though her tears. Oh shit, she just won't give up. Better think of something.
"Ok, uh. Fat. My fetish is fat ponies."
Fluttershy gets a huge grin on her face, before zooming off at top speed. Shaking your head, you close the door.
About three months later, you haven't seen Fluttershy once since then. You hear a knock on the door, and open it. It's Fluttershy, and she's HUGE. She must weigh at least 300 pounds. She's sweaty and breathing hard.
"Is... is this (pant) fat enough (wheeze) for you, Anon?"
"Uh, yeeeaaaahhh... Now that I see you, I don't think my fetish is fat ponies after all."
WHAT!?" She sobs as you close the door in her face. You heard after that, she started eating more than ever. She said it helped dull the pain. She died of a heart attack shortly after.
Day <^><^><^> in Equestria. You're slowly waking up as you feel your leg brush against something in your bed. It takes your tired mind a second to realize what it is. Fluttershy.
"God damn it, Fluttershy!"
You rip the covers off the bed to confront her. What's left of her, anyway. Fluttershy's severed head is laying on your bed in a pool of blood. As you sit there screaming, you can't help but wonder what you did to piss off the Mafia.
Day 6,586 in Equestria. Horny as hell. Go to the library. Every pony in the world is there for some reason. Not desperate enough to fuck a horse.
Grab Spike from the crowd. Fuck his dickhole like a bagina. Everyone watching in horror. Feel sauce drip from your pocket.
"DON'T JUDGE ME!"
Ejaculate spaghetti into Spike's cock. Blast him through roof and into orbit. Punch Rarity as you walk out like a boss. FUCK Rarity. Today was a good day.
Day 134232 In Equstria. Tired of Flurttershys constanrt rape attempts. HEar knock in door. Surprise, it's FLutterhsy.
"Fluttershy, if I just fuck you, will you leave me alome?"
She smilees and loks excyyted,.
"Oh, yes, anything!" she syds
You lead her to toyr besroom. Laying hjer on her, back, you deicd to get stiarted. You spred her hind legs and begin to lick her. Shes really unto it, moanging loudly.
'OP yed, Anon! I'm going to-"
She suddenrtly discharges a thick orange goop from bagina, into yout mojth and on your face. You vomit from the taste.
"So I guess squash soup isnt toyur fetish?"
You get up, and close yout bedroom window. Then you walk back to Fluttershy, pick her up, ad throw her thorugh it.
Day too many in Equestria. While you're walking home from work, you realize you haven't seen Fluttershy all day. Which of course means she's at your house. You slowly open your door, expecting a net or something. Nothing happens, but you do hear something coming from your basement. You carefully sneak down the stairs. In the middle of the room, you see Cranky tied to a chair, his face swollen and bleeding. Fluttershy is standing over him, beating him with her hooves mercilessly. You rush over and shove Fluttershy away from Cranky.
"So I guess donkey punching isn't your fetish?"
You untie him and carry him to the hospital, locking Fluttershy in your basement on the way out. Cranky dies of his injuries a few days later. Fluttershy walks free because she's an Element of Harmony.
Day 10299201 in Equestria. Decide to take a walk in the hills Get your mind off Fluttershy for a while. The crisp, cool air is refreshing. You breathe deep, and take in the silence. Too silent. There aren't even birds chirping. Something is wrong here.
As if on cue, there is a rustling in a nearby bush. Immediately after, a large apelike creature emerges and lets forth a guttural roar. In your fright, you stumble backwards and fall down the side of the hill. You roll head over heels to the bottom and land in a heap. You try to move, but you can't. Your neck is broken.
The terrible creature slowly lumbers down the hill. It stands over you. Then it reaches up and... tears it's own head off!? Oh, it was just a mask. And underneath is- who else? Fluttershy.
"So I guess Bigfoot isn't your fetish?
You'd tell her to fuck off but you were too busy suffocating on your own twisted windpipe.
Day gooble in Equestria. You're bored as hell. You decide to take a walk through town, maybe that'll be fun. You see Pinkie Pie bouncing through the streets, saying hi to everyone.Your bored brain hatches an idea. You pull a can of Red Bull and an ounce of cocaine from your pocket, because you totally had that stuff with you. You open the can and dump the cocaine in.
"Hey Pinkie!" You call out and wave her over.
"Hiya, Anon!" Pinkie says cheerfully as she hops over.
"Here, try this." You say, handing her the can. "It's a super yummy new drink I, uh... invented."
"Okie dokie!" She smiles, and chugs the can. Oh man, she's gonna be bouncing off the walls. This is gonna be great!
At first, nothing happens. Then, she begins to vibrate. Faster and faster until...! Her eyes roll back in her head. She falls over onto the ground. Blood begins to pour from her mouth, all over the ground. You get her to the hospital as fast as you can, where she's pronounced DOA.Your mixture of coke and Red Bull caused her heart to explode. You're sentenced to death on the moon. As you float around the cold, barren wasteland of the moon, listening to your own blood begin to boil, one final thought passes through your mind:
Day hooptijoop in Equestria. You're walking down the street when Fluttershy drops a box on you from above. It's only cardboard. It's only big enough to cover your head.
Using your superhuman strength, you escape the trap. You are a robot. You shed your human disguise and chase Fluttershy.
"Primary objective: Eliminate Fluttershy!"
You finally back her into a corner because she forgot she could fly.
"Please, Anon, no! You don't want to do this!"
"Desire is irrelevant. I am a machine!"
You tear her limb from limb with your bare, metal hands. The blood gets into your exposed wires and circuits. You malfunction and die.
Day who cares in Equestria. You fall in love with <insert pony here it doesn't matter which>. You get married. Against all odds, she gets pregnant. However long it takes ponies to give birth later, your daughter is born. It's a terrible, twisted, horrific, half horse, half human monster. Decide you will love and cherish her anyway. Name her Sarah Jessica Parker.
Day XX in Equestria. Fluttershy's constant attempts at guessing your fetish and/or raping you have gotten to be too much. You try to appeal to Celestia to get Fluttershy punished, but Celestia refuses since Fluttershy is an Element of Harmony. Your mind snaps from the injustice. You vow to bring down this corrupt system.
Heading to the nearest port, you highjack a submarine. You fly it straight at Canterlot.
"Admiral Ackbar!" you shout as you crash the submarine into a tower. Turns out the castle is really well built. Nobody gets hurt but you, and you just end up looking like a jackass.
You're put in a full body cast in the hospital. Except your crotch. Fluttershy rapes you every single day until you recover.
Day <XXX> in Equestria. Get up at dawn and go to work. You have a stall in the city square. A few minutes later, you get your first customer. It's Fluttershy. Of course.
"H-hello, Anon..."
You sigh.
"Morning Fluttershy. The usual?"
She nods, blushing. With another deep sigh, you reach out and stick your fingers inside her.
"Oh my! Oh, a little to the left."
You groan as you comply.
"Oh Anonymous, I love having your fingers inside me!"
Shuddering, you finally hit your mark. You pull a large booger, followed by a trail of snot, from her nose. Your job is picking ponies noses, because they don't have fingers. Fluttershy tosses a few bits in front of you.
"I'll make sure to come back soon!" She says with a wink. She doesn't use her eye. You vomit.
Day WITHHELD in Equestria. You're hanging out with Fluttershy because you're hitting that. Suddenly, she goes for a kiss. She forces her tongue in your mouth. Your own tongue retaliates, trying to dominate hers. They begin to battle one another.
Her tongue slams into yours, causing you to jump in pain. You try to pull away, but to your horror find your teeth have intertwined with hers, forcing your mouths together until the fight is over. Your tongue slams back into hers, putting hers on the defensive. Both tongues grow arms, and start duking out out old school. A stiff hook from her tongue leaves your own bleeding. Your tongue grabs a bottle off the ground a breaks it. It stabs her tongue several times in it's tonguey chest. Your tongue stands triumphantly over the bloody corpse of Fluttershy's tongue.
Finally, your teeth untangle and you both rush to the hospital. Her tongue is pronounced DOA and yours is arrested for murder.
Today was a bad day.
Seriously. Your tongues don't fight when you kiss. Stop writing that shit.
Day shit in Equestria. You're walking through Ponyville. Some yellow pony is following you. You think she has a crush on you or something. Looking around, you grimace in disgust.
"Look how shitty this town has become. I can't wait until it's destroyed."
"Well, maybe you could try to help it get better, instead of complaining about how bad it is."
Day ugh in Ponyville. Well, not really. You were all on a train to Appeloosa. God damn that's a terrible pun. Even worse, you have to share bed cars. Guess who you got.
Yeah, you know who. t's time for bed, and Fluttershy lays down to go to sleep. "Good night, Anon." she says with a peaceful sigh. You lay down, but you don't dare go to sleep. You stare at her for hours, but she doesn't move. She's persistent, you'll give her that. The lack of sleep is getting to you. So is the anticipation of her attack. It is enough to drive a man mad.
Finally, the sun emerges from over the horizon. It begins shining on Fluttershy's face though the window, and she sits up, with a quiet yawn.
"Oh hello, Anon. You're awake already?"
You sit up and throw the blankets off you.
"Oh my, Anon! You don't look so good. Did you not sleep well?"
You step up from your tiny cot, and grab Fluttershy. You try to throw her through the train window, but it's too small and only her head fits through. After a few good kicks, the rest of her body is squeezed out. You yawn loudly.
Day blarf in Equestria. Your best friend died. He was a cow. He knew you liked meat, so he left his body to you. To honor his memory, you craft him into the finest cheesesteak sandwich that ever existed.
You find a nice, peaceful spot in the park and begin to eat your friend. He's delicious. A pony walks up and asks what you're eating.
"A Philly cheesesteak," you reply.
"What did he say?" a pony says.
"A 'filly' cheesesteak!?" another shouts.
"Oh my Celestia, he's eating a child!"
The ponies begin to attack you before you can explain yourself. You try to run, but you're quickly hunted down and trampled to death underneath a hundred marshmallowy hooves.
Day YOLO in Equestria. You're sneaking through the night, towards Fluttershy's cottage. Without making a sound, you open her door, and enter. With stealth that would put a ninja to shame, you approach Fluttershy's bed. You stare down at her, sleeping peacefully. You slowly reach out to her... And flick her ear.
"Hey Fluttershy."
She jerks awake, shocked to see you standing in her house.
"A-Anon? What are you doing here?"
"I'm bored. Aren't you going to try and guess my fetish?"
She glances at the clock.
"Anon, it's six in the morning, you know I don't start that until at least noon!"
"Oh, ok..."
She slumps back down into her bed. Dejected, you sulk from her house and return home. You crawl into bed, and stare at the clock.
Day 420 in Equestria. You're relaxing on your porch, smoking a joint, because ponies don't give a FUCK. Your bro Rainbow Dash flies down to where you're sitting.
"Hey Anon!" She coughs from all the smoke. "What is THAT stuff?"
"It's marijuana. You smoke it and it makes you feel awesome. Wanna try it?"
"Buck yeah!"
She takes the joint, and takes a man hit. She tries to hold it in, but starts coughing up a lung.
"Haha, you don't cough, you don't get off!"
Problem is, she doesn't stop. It gets worse and worse until eventually specs of blood start flying out. She collapses on your porch and vomits a mixture of bile and blood. You get her to the hospital as fast as you can. She's pronounced DoA. Turns out weed is highly toxic to ponies. Who knew? Marijuana is banned from Equestria, and you spend the rest of your life in the dungeons for killing an Element of Harmony.
Day minty fresh in Equestria. You finally gave in to Fluttershy's attempts to woo you and you've been dating for a year. It's actually a pretty good life. Until one morning, you just woke up and finished brushing your teeth. You pour some mouthwash in your mouth, and spit in disgust.
"FLUTTERSHY!" you roar.
Frightened by your yelling, she slowly creeps up to the bathroom door.
"Y-yes, honey?"
You whip the bottle at her.
She lets out a shriek as it hits her in the head.
"Great Value mouthwash!? You know I like Listerine!"
"B-but Listerine burns too much for me-"
"You made me do this!" you say, reaching into the first aid kit and pulling out your spare tire iron. Fluttershy tries to run, but you catch her easily. You bash her in the back of the head over and over and over. She begs for you to stop, at first, but that didn't last long. Soon, there's not much of a head left.
You stuff her corpse into a garbage bag. Luckily, ponies are pretty small, so you didn't have to dismember her. You drag the bag to Froggy Bottom Bog. Throwing a few heavy rocks into the bag, you kick her into the water. Nobody really notices she's missing. You take a nice long swig of Listerine. The burn says it's working.
Day D.A.R.E. in Equestria. Constantly bored out of your mind, you begin to wonder if ponies have drugs. You decide to see if Zecora has any drugs. Because she's good with plants and potions and stuff, not because she's black. You fucking racist.
You knock on the door of her hut, and wait for her to open it.
"Ah, Anonymous, do come in! It is so nice to see you again."
You crouch down and enter her tiny hut.
"Hey, Zecora. I was just wondering if you had any drugs or anything."
"I think I may have what you seek. But I'm afraid the price is steep."
"Well, I don't really have a lot of money, so..."
She eyes you up and down.
"If euphoria you want to feel, I think that me can make a deal..."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I've not be laid in oh so long. I'll give you drugs in exhange for schlong."
"So... you want me to fuck you as payment for drugs?"
"The terms are set, now make it quick. I want to feel your hot monkey dick!"
With a sigh, you drop your pants as she lifts her tail, and you enter her. Turns out she's a screamer. Wonderful.
"COME NOW ANON, DON'T BE A SLACKAH! MAKE ME CUM YOU GODDAMN CRACKAH!"
You pound away until she finally squash soups everywhere. She gives you a baggie with a green plant inside.
"Do come back if you ever need more. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to mop my floor."
Day Luddite in Equestria. Years without internet has slowly been driving you insane. You assemble a mishmash of cardboard boxes to resemble a PC, a typewriter for a keyboard, and carrier pigeons to pretend you can at least send email with a really bad connection. It's not so bad.
For the most part, everyone plays along. Twilight sends you mail about her newest discoveries. Rarity mails you coupons for her clothing. Fluttershy even mails you porn of herself to simulate porn spam.
Wait a minute... You never TOLD her about porn spam.
Day <(' '<) in Equestria. It's a beautiful day as you walk through Ponyville. You wave to a few ponies as you walk through the market. Then, you lock eyes with her. Fluttershy. She tries to turn and walk away, but you easily catch up with her.
"Hey, Fluttershy! Going somewhere?"
"Just... *mumble* home now..."
"Not just yet," you say, grabbing her by the strap on her shopping bag. You drag her into a nearby alley. She doesn't scream. She never does.
"Anon, please. Don't do this today." she pleads with a quivering voice. Ignoring her, you easy flip her over onto her back. "Please, no!"
With one hand, you keep her pinned, while you go to work with your other hand. She tenses up and lets out a groan as she feels your fingers work their magic. With as many times as you've done this, you'd think she'd be used to it by now.
She's squirming and breathing hard now. A light squeak escapes her lips as tears roll down her cheeks.
Finally, it's too much for her to take. She begins to laugh furiously. You stop tickling her and laugh.
"Ha! Got you again."
As you leave the alley together, Fluttershy speaks up.
"Anon, why do you always tickle me?"
"Well, Fluttershy, you're so small and weak, I can."
You pat her on the head and leave her to her business.
Day Manhattan Project in Equestria. You're in Twilight's basement/science lab. In just a few short hours of research and development, you're nearly done. The door opens, and Twilight walks down the stairs.
"Anon, what are you doing? And furthermore, why are you in my house?"
You forgot you didn't ask for permission to be here.
"Twilight, I stand on the verge of greatness!"
"Wha?"
"Behold!" You say, holding up your beautiful creation.
"Ok... what is it?"
"This, my dear Twilight, is a miniature nuclear bomb! Powerful enough to destroy evil, but small enough to rule out collateral damage."
"Destroy evil? What are you talking about?"
Grabbing the bomb, you run up the stairs as Twilight follows.
I've found a den of evil in Ponyville!" you shout. "Maybe changlings, maybe Discord, or maybe that mexican dude, I don't know."
You point at the abomination.
"Anon? That's Rarity's hou"
"EVIL!"
You throw the bomb at the boutique.
"Anon, it's Rarities house!"
You forgot to build a detonator, so you pile some dead leaves over the bomb and set them on fire. You run as fast as you can. he nuke explodes in a fantastic, if small, mushroom cloud, killing all inside.
Suddenly Celestia appears.
"Anonymous the human, your reckless actions have been totally fucking cool! I hereby rule you as king of the world!"
You get all the bits and bitches. Rarity is dead. Twilight went insane and spends her days chanting "So much ill logic" over and over.
Day 2013 in Equestria. You're running low on supplies, so you begin to head into town. As you turn a corner, you find fluttershy sitting in the middle of the road. That's odd; normally she hides or sets a trap. You try to ignore her and walk past, but she steps out in front of you, nearly tripping you.
"What, Fluttershy?"
"Hello, Anon." she says, looking behind you. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Will you please get out of my way?"
"Oh absolutely!"
She makes a weird movement with her hooves.
"Fluttershy, what the hell are you do-UGH"
You're cut off as you feel a terrible pain in your chest. Looking down, you see an arrowhead sticking out of your heart. Underneath the blood, you see "Qpid" written on the shaft. In shock, you turn around and see Derpy holding a bow in her hooves as she hovers. Strength fading, you fall to the ground. Who'd have thought Derpy was such a good shot
"Can I get my muffin now?" you hear Derpy say.
Fluttershy stands over you.
"You've been shot through the heart with an arrow. That means you'll fall in love with me now, right?"
You cough out a bit of blood.
"No, it means I'm going to die, you stupid cunt!"
"Oh... what's "die"? Anon? Anon, are you sleeping?"
Day UTI in Equestria. Your eyes snap open from a combination of having to piss more than you ever needed to in your life, and of the familiar feeling of something crawling under your blankets. You rip them back to reveal Fluttershy admiring your pee-boner.
"Oh my, it looks like you're all ready!" she says tugging on your boxers. You spring up and grab her, pinning her to the bed beneath you.
"A-Anon!" she says, blushing red. You line yourself up to her. You push your penis against her urethra.
"Wait, Anon, that's not-"
She's cut off as you piss inside her. From the look on her face, it must feel weird to have urine shoot back up your peehole and into your bladder. As you piss and piss, you see her stomach distend. She lets out a shriek as her bladder ruptures.
"What's wrong, Fluttershy? Peritonitis isn't your fetish?"
You finally finish and pull away, leaving your urine and her blood flowing from her. You pick her up and toss her out your window before going back to bed.
Day 999,111 in Equestria. Fluttershy's constant rape attempts have put you off dating ponies, but you've been getting lonely, and maybe being with one will finally show Fluttershy you're not interested. You stop to pick up some flowers before you meet Flitter, your date, at a restaurant. There she is, now!
You smile, and sit down across from her. Before you can say a word, an explosion tears through the restaurant. When smoke clears, you find half the flesh on your face missing, and Flitter's decapitated head lying in your lap. As you get up to run into the screaming crowd, several more explosions go off. There are bodies and fires everywhere.
"Psst, Anon!"
You look up to see Fluttershy standing around a corner.
"Is domestic terrorism your fetish?"
You try your best to report her for the crime, but Celestia won't hear it. An Element of Harmony would never harm innocent citizens of the Empire. You're thrown into the prison for defamation. You hang yourself with your shoelaces that very night.
"I pretend homeless ponies are you, and I burn them."
"That's not a very nice thing to say, Anon"
Using the mystical magic words, Anon opens portal to the dark realms. Pinkie Pie is sucked inside. She is transported to the lair of Beelzebub, lord not of the dance, but of the flies.
Day fuck canon in Equestria. You're visiting Rainbow Dash in the hospital after she badly injured her wing in a stunt to try and join the Wonderbolts. The two of you sit in silence before you finally break it.
"So, how are you holding up?"
She sniffs, as if holding back a tear.
"The doctor says it's pretty bad. It might not heal properly." She turns and looks at you with big, teary eyes. "I may never fly again."
You're shocked; this is much worse than you ever expected. You sit there and ponder what you can possibly do, before the answer hits you. The ponies would frequently break out into spontaneous song, sometimes to cheer each other up. In fact, they've all sang many songs for you since you came to Equestria. Maybe you should return the favor! You can't come up with something on the spot like they do, but they won't know if you "borrow" a song. But which?
"A-Anon?" Dash asks in a worried voice. You've been sitting there, staring at her in total silence for almost five minutes, thinking of your song. Aha, you've got one!
"Are you alr-"
"Don't cry out loud!" Your sudden interruption makes her jump. "Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings!"
"Anon, what in the world are you-"
"Fly high and proud! And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all!"
Dash stares at you, shocked for a moment, tears building in her eyes. Did it work? Does she feel better?
"I HATE YOU!" she says, her hoof connecting with your nose. Looks like she's not cheered up.
"I HATE YOU!" she cries again, leaping from her bed and running from the room. She was found a few days later. She hung herself from a tree in the forest. But not before writing a note blaming the whole thing on you. You told them you tried to help, but they wouldn't have it. You were thrown in the dungeon for life.
Day Xol in Equestria. You were walking through town. Everyone was dresses as themselves, so they looked like themselves, but in a costume. You ask Twilight what s going on
She tells you this is an sacred holiday for ponies. she says you shoud do it, too. You tell her you don't have a suit of yourself but she tells you flutteshy should. You walks to Fluttershys house. You go in and find Fluttershy made a bunch of clones of you and was skiining them and making a you suit
"Fluttershy. what is all this?
"I stole some of you DNA and now I'm a suit of you so I can BECOME you
"Well can I borrow one for this holiday?"
"Sure"
You were the suit around town that day, and you were spared by the gods. All the ponies who didn't were killed.
