Chapter 1 Nihilism Soup
Once upon a time there was Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce, he was an alicorn but better because he had two horns, and batpony wingz. His coat had stripes because of Zebra heritage why not! He was da secret lurv child of Discord & Celestia. He was also human cus of his crazzy trans-dimentiaonal adventurez, where he saved da multiverse (still better plot than Equestria Girzl.) His was a lonely existence because he was intrinsically better than everypony else with no natural effort. Oh how he wish to be normal sometimes. Why didn't anyone understand his shallow vapid pain? Didn't they know the curse of being cool was a daily heartbreaking experiences?
In an explosion of sparkles and glitter he arrived in the midddle of Ponyville place. He came because of plot related reasons. He had to because the entire world waz at steaks and lambchops even though he was vegetarian. His fangs were use for tenderly stripping vegetables.
"I is Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce, hiya everypony!"
Everypony waved and said. "Hi Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce. We all heard you were coming so we totally dropped whatever we were doing to be involved in this musical number."
"He iz da best pony all around!"
"We all love him even he just came to town!"
"We're singing this in no particular way!"
"It's just sort of one of those days----
*musical number not sufficient enough to convey the glory of our OC, musical director shot.*
Da spontaneous singinfg and coreogrpahed dancing ztopped. Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce stood and all were woweed.
"I love him, he has such magic, he glitters." derped Twilight.
Pinkie herped. "I super love him, I would throw him a party if he wasn't already a movin' party."
Derpy Hooves shrugged. "I love muffins because that is my only characterization."
Rarity swooned. "I would make him clothes but his naked awesomeness is too much for them."
Fluttershy said. "..." Then she looked off to the side and flicked her hair a little.
Rainbow's wings stood up. "Wow, he is like the captain of captains of the Wonderbolts/Royal Guard/Pokemon Master/General Manager of Starbucks. I need to haz his babies."
"I heard he defeated the evil King Evilton with his smile after winning at life." said Twi.
Applejack said. "I'm a stereotype of southern and western diction and speech." She blushed. "I mean I love him more than (something big on a farm or apple related? a bushel of apples?)
Luna appeared out of nowhere. Literally nowhere. Literally. "I love him even though it involeth incest because he is the secret lurv chidl of my sister and Discord. Thou thine thee, me."
Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce looked upon the crowd of fans that had assembled to worship his greatness. "There is enough of me for everyone because I can do the naruto clone jutzu thingy because of reason."
"His power level is over 9000." said Twi.
*help me I'm being forced to write this against my will by crazy North Koreans!*
Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce frowned. "I would love you ladies, but I am emo. My dark and mysterious past prevents me from meaningful relationships. I IS NOT HOMEO-SEXUAL! Not that there's anything wrong with that it's just my barn door don't um swign dat way. Yay."
A collective sigh came from da herd. "Awwwww, we love him more becus of his distant and troubled past. And that becus all our male populationz is off to somewhere."
The sky then became dark, emo, and goth but not in a cool way our protagonist is all of those things. Then came Discord from what the hell a teapot. He said "I am your baby's mama's husband's son's father!"
"I am in denial." Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce replied.
Discord laughed. "It is true. That is why you have two horns."
"I am still in da nile river." said our protagonis. "Wait I rememberz nowz that fact was in the riveting exposition of this story and adds mo agnst to my background."
Discord felt his foreeehead in pain. "This story is too self referential and tries too hard at humor. The fourth wall breaks are also disjaring and cheap. Just because the author is aware doesn't make it funny. Does it?"
"Just jelly roll with it, okay."
He coufffed. "Um let us fight!"
*fight scene omitted due to pure awesomeness that would make you go blind*
Discord is defeated because. Just because. Ponyville is destroyed due to the utter disregard for collateral damage.
Twi cryed. "Everything is gone. Why?"
Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce said. "Don't worry, I can go back in time and prevent this from happening. It is new power I got from plot."
"That's rather conveniet." said Twi.
"Howevaarr if I go back I will die for all your sins."
"Don't go."
"I must go! Becuasse I am Jesus. J.C. are my initials."
"I will lurv yo forevar."
"Don't worry I will return!"
The sky opned up. Rain poured as god cried along with everypony. Slowy he went up to heaven. It was sad. Sad is how you shuld feelz. Sad like this simile about being sad. Frowny face. Sad like the filler we have tu put in to make story longer.
*two hours of story ommitted, this is the abridged version.*
An so our valiant brave courageous heroic hero Super Sparkles Demonfang Awesomesauce, made the ultimate sacrifice even tho he will return in the next episode. We can only hope to live lives a quarter as awesome. All is doomy since eventually the sun will explode and nothing will matter. Blah bleh blah blah meaning of life blabh balbh blah, hope blah blah. Philosphy something something. Greater meaning.... OH FOR THE LOVE OF I GOD I WROTE WHAT YOU ASKED PLEASE DON'T KILL MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM