Subito, Dracones
How to Train Your Dragons
By: carnivale
: : : :
Twilight had sneezed.
But it wasn’t one of those itty-bitty fragile sneezes that could easily turn a cupcake into a rubber duck, or a beetle into a rubber band, or a paperclip into a bobby pin.
No. It was a gigantic sneeze that could easily turn ponies into chaotic foals, and none could walk away unscathed.
Zecora and the Cakes were gone quicker than a whip, however, hurtling towards the door in a panicked frenzy as the magenta tendrils of Twilight’s unfortunate magic surges threatened to drag them into its grip. The bell above the door jangled boisterously as they fled, leaving idly confused ponies and a baby dragon in their wake.
Rainbow Dash coughed, eyes watering and struggling to adjust to the clouds of magical smoke flowing around her and her friends. “What… what happened?”
“What in tarnation do ya think happened, Sherlock Hooves?” Applejack snapped, giving the cyan pegasus a look that told her she was a blithering idiot – well, if she was pinpointing correctly where Dash was in all the smoke.
“Hey, hey, Snapplejack, it was on a spur of the moment, leave me alone!” Dash retorted.
Applejack blew a raspberry at her.
“Darlings, I don’t think this smoke is good for my complexion…”
“Who cares ‘bout your complexion, we’re in a mid-life crisis here!”
“Oh, blast it all.”
“My legs feel weird…”
“Oh, no! I’m blind! Although, I never thought not being able to see would be so… pretty.”
“Fluttershy, you ain’t blind. Just wait till the smoke clears up, Sugarcube.” Then, Applejack blinked, her eyes narrowed. “It ain’t pretty, from where I’m standin’!”
“Shut your apple-licking trap, AJ, you’re aggravating us to no end!”
“Oh, I am? Well – “
“Girls, let’s just stop fighting!” Twilight ordered in her clogged-up voice. If everypony could see her puffy-red face, she would be seething, stressed out from everything that’s been going on. As if they day couldn’t get any worse.
“Twilight, I was just ‘bout to give her a tail-biter, there!”
“No. Let’s just focus on clearing away all this smoke!” the lavender unicorn demanded.
“Fine, fine.”
The six ponies waved their claws around like a windshield-wiper, coughing extravagantly when tendons of smoke wafted through their nostrils when they were forced in their direction.
Wait, claws?
“Something doesn’t seem right…” Twilight murmured with a low moan, voicing everypony’s concern.
“You’ve got that right, sister,” Spike agreed, rubbing his nose with a hoof. “This stuff stinks.”
“No, what I mean is – “
Just then, all traces of the magical smoke dissipated, leaving six startled dragons and one horrified pony in the midst of the circling aura.
Rarity screamed.
“What the fudgesicle?!” Rainbow Dash shrieked, running her gnarled claws down the lengths of her new body. Then, she smiled in fascination, showing off her contemporary fangs that glistened on the sides of her mouth. “Oh, whoa, cool! I’m all, like, scaly and stuff!”
The six ponies had been re-vamped into baby dragons, each looking about as horrified as they felt, yet somewhat – enticed. Each had glowing scales that reflected the lengths off their surroundings, the same color as their coat had been. Their cutie marks were now the jutting scales on either side of their lepidote, round heads, and the spikes in which fervently ran down their backs somewhat resembled what their manes used to look like. Each surveyed themselves – and each other – in mild enthrallment and alarm.
“This is so insanely!” Rarity blustered, little strings of smoking bellowing out of her nostrils when she huffed. “I miss my flawless, ivory coat!” Absent-mindedly, she ran a claw down her new, rounded belly. Her eyes gleamed in charisma. “Yet, I do like how these scales glisten like a new chest-full of sapphires,” she said in awe.
“Coolio! Now I can easily fit into my party-cannon and launch myself across Ponyville like I’ve wanted to do for some time, now…!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.
Applejack guffawed at the pink pony’s enthusiasm before glancing down at her own dragon skin. She rubbed a long claw against her chin. “Well, I’m not a big fan, but I’ve always wondered what bein’ a dragon is all about!” she admitted.
“Me and my stupid cold,” Twilight mumbled, the one that seemed least entranced about their current situation.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were studying each other’s brand-new, webbed wings in distinct awe and enchantment. Dash seemed most thrilled about this new experience, her eyes darting across the butter-yellow dragon’s appendages and running her claws over them in fascination. Fluttershy was blushing and looked like she wanted to rip them away, but she stood still to let her friend keep ogling over them.
“This is so sweet!” Dash declared, flexing her wings experimentally. “I can’t wait to see what it feels like to fly as a dragon! Webbed wings are awesome.”
Applejack rolled her eyes, yet her eyes were round and joking.
Spike, on the other hand, was staring at himself in a mirror, his widened eyes darting from his mane, to his face, to his coat, to his tail. He rubbed his hooves together, waving them around and running them through his new mane. “These aren’t as efficient as dragon claws,” he said flatly, giving them another once-over. “They won’t do much good with scratching an itch, yet they are very strong.” Then, a diabolical look flashed in his emerald eyes. “Oh, I could totally stomp on Angel with these, teach him a lesson!”
Fluttershy stared at him in horror, and Spike could see her through the mirror. He whipped around, face pale. “Uh, I meant… um, I could totally feed him some nice, delicious carrots with these bad-boys next time I see him, ehehe… He’s such a sweet little bunny,” he added as nicely as he could, yet through clenched teeth.
Awkward.
“Anyway,” Applejack said, turning her head slowly towards Twilight and blinking. “It sure as apple pie was fascinatin’ while it lasted, but I think I’d like to have my old body back. Don’t look like I can kick that much tail with these stubby little buggers.” The orange dragon wiggled one of her legs for emphasis.
“Aw, come on, Applejack!” Dash whined. “I didn’t get to try flying yet!”
“Rainbow, you can do as much flyin’ as possible when you’re a pegasus, but we ain’t fit to be dragons. I can tell ya that much right now.”
“Um, well… how will we be able to turn back into ponies? I… don’t think Twilight has a spell.” Fluttershy inquired timidly.
“She has a point there, darling,” Rarity agreed, recalling how Twilight had told Pinkie before that she hasn’t studied any transfiguration spells yet.
“Well, I…” Applejack stammered, mind blank. Her eyes darted between each dragon – and pony – in turn, until they finally rested on a certain lavender unicorn that was busy blowing her mucus-filled nose into a handkerchief. A light bulb flickered on in her head. “I know! Twilight can sneeze, and her magical smoke-bombs can turn us back to normal!”
Everypony pondered over that for a while, nodding their heads slowly as they thought.
“Okay… but I have no idea where to get a feather,” Dash said apologetically, wiggling her scaly wings.
“Oh. Right.”
“Wait a minute…” Pinkie said, cautiously approaching Twilight steadily, a concentrated look on her face. Then, with a thumb and fore-finger, she pinched her friend’s nose in just the right place, and waited until the lavender dragon’s face bunched up and her eyes began to water.
“Finally, I can do that now!” Pinkie announced, a satisfied expression on her face.
“Do I want to know? Or don’t I?” Rainbow contemplated to herself. She shook her head.
“Ah… ah….!” Finally, Twilight let a giant sneeze rip throughout the shop.
Before the smoke dissolved into the air, the six dragons and one pony waited eagerly – yet patiently – for themselves to be turned back to normal.
Unfortunately, all that the magic managed to accomplish was turn a lone chair into a 42 inch flat-screen TV, the channel switched to wrestling.
“Sweet! I know what I’m doing tonight,” Pinkie exclaimed. In unison, they all raised an eyebrow at her.
“Save a seat for me, I’ll be over with a bag of popcorn, or two!” Dash said.
The two high-foured.
“I don’t think I ever will understand their friendship,” Applejack remarked.
The rest of them shook their head.
“Well, anyway, the magic didn’t work,” Rainbow Dash said, stating the obvious. She waggled her wings again, her tail swishing traverse the ground in tandem with the movement. “Time to spread these new wings, and… fly!”
Dash zipped out of the shop, unquestionably eager to try out her complimentary appendages. A faint rainbow trail was formed behind her, along with a few puffs of smoke, leaving everypony to catch their breaths after coughing for a few moments. Applejack narrowed her eyes, running up to the door and calling to Dash in the strongest voice she could ever muster.
“Dash, wait! I don’t think we should be splittin’ up! We oughta try Twilight’s sneeze agai – oh, galdarnit, that silly filly! What’s the use, she can’t hear me no more! And even if she did, that bull probably ignored me all the way to Baltimare, from the looks on where she’s goin’!” she groaned.
Fluttershy timidly stepped up to the plate, twiddling her new opposable thumbs. “I guess I could try and find her, if that’s okay with you.”
“Great idea, Fluttershy! Here’s the new plan, we’ll all split up as well, and try to look for her. Then we can bring her back so Twilight can finally turn us back to normal.”
“But, Applejack, won’t other ponies think it’s weird if there’s six random dragons and one strange-looking pony scouring Ponyville?” Twilight inquired lamely.
“Ah, who cares, Twi! All we should be carin’ about is finding that low-baller and draggin’ her back here so you can try sneezin’ again and turnin’ us back lickety-split!” Applejack said without taking a breath.
“Okay… whoa!” The lavender dragon was caught by surprise when she was lifted up and tossed onto the back of a pony, only to realize it was Spike, whom was looking at her with laughing eyes. “Huh?”
“Now I know how it feels to be the pony in charge!” he exclaimed.
Twilight blushed.
Fluttershy was the first to exit the shop, followed by the rest of the gang, who needed to search on foot. Soon enough, they were on the march, trying to find that one cyan dragon that needed to be turned back to normal – as well as the lot of them.
: : : :
Fluttershy diminutively swooped through the crisp, cloudy sky, her wings feeling like major propellers on her rugged back. They felt much stronger than feathered wings, she noticed, and she glided easily through the air. All of her senses heightened.
Now to look for that cyan dragon, senses and all be damned.
Fluttershy’s cerulean gaze darted everywhere it could – from the towering water tower to the stratosphere of clouds above, and even desperate enough to scan the millings of Ponyville’s citizens bustling through the streets below. Alas, everywhere she looked, no rainbow-colored dragon immersed in her retina.
She fluttered a ways to her left, then her right, turning her head every which-way to see if she could even catch a solid glimpse of the specific dragon, yet to no avail. She sighed and shrugged, crossing her arms over her plated chest. She was just about to turn tail and fly home when a boisterous sound crossed her eardrums.
It met her ears unpleasantly, irritating her skull to no end.
It sounded like – somepony was snoring. Very loud, very bothersome snoring.
Even Fluttershy had to constrain herself from clapping a palm over her face. She could place that snore anywhere – anypony could. They almost hear it every day from above, showering down upon the town like rain sent from hell.
Fluttershy shook her head, a cackling smile thwarting to traverse her lips. She listened closely, flapping her wings slowly to follow the trail of snoring to where it ended – or began, really.
Soon enough, she came to a looming oak tree in which hung lankily over Ponyville. And, atop a long, thick branch, lay the dragon of the hour in all her glory. Dash was fitfully passed out on the jutting limb, her head lolling against the trunk and one stubby leg hanging off the side, giving the occasional twitch once in a while. Her lips expanded in a giant O shape before trembling like ocean waves once she blew out air. Fluttershy flew closer, her eardrums vibrating every time a new snore gave out. Cautiously, she stuck out a claw and gently tapped it against the blue dragon’s scales.
“Dash?” she said quietly. “Daaaash? Da – BUUURRRRPP!”
The tremendous, fire-blazing belch came out of absolutely nowhere. It even startled Fluttershy herself, who let out a tiny “eeeek!” when tongues of yellow fire slipped out of her mouth.
And, tremendously, it startled Rainbow Dash, as well. The belch was apparently loud enough for her in her coma-like state, and after a slurred, “Ba, wha – huh?” she leapt off her branch, knocking her head against the limb above her.
“Oops, I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, I didn’t mean to burp!” Fluttershy said honestly, both claws clapped over her mouth in shock.
“Wha… Fluttershy? Sweet Celestia, have… have the roosters crowed yet?” she asked, her eyelids still drooping lazily. She ran a claw over the scales on her head.
“What?”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Erm, nothing. How long was I asleep for?”
“I don’t know. I was sent to come looking for you so Twilight can turn us to normal back at the shop.”
Rainbow Dash sighed, rubbing a rough fist against her eye. “Did Applejack plan all of this out? Look, that cowpony needs to live a little, let her hair down outta that ponytail and have fun! Being a dragon is awesome! And I was finally getting used to my new wings,” she said.
“Well, I honestly agree with – “
“And I honestly don't agree.”
“But, we’re all looking for you!”
“And you’ve found me, thanks for the sad effort, but for now I am going to sit – “ She plopped herself back down on the branch. “ – right here, and I am not moving a muscle until that goody-two-horse-shoes learns to have fun!” She crossed her arms, upturned her nose to the sky, and stuck out her bottom lip, still as a statue.
Fluttershy sighed, gnawing on her own lip, clearly thinking her way to victory into getting the headstrong dragon off that branch. It had to be intelligent, and it had to be witty.
: : : :
“Well, I guess flute-playing cutie marks are out of the question,” Scootaloo said dully, gazing at the two split halves of the sad, sad instrument laying in front of them. She nudged it lightly, causing a faint, croaking screeeek to issue from the end.
Sweetie Belle sagged against the tree they were standing around, scratching a hoof against her chin thoughtfully. “I wonder how I always manage to ruin things I come in contact with…”
“Yeah,” Apple Bloom said sarcastically. “I wonder.”
Sweetie Belle just shrugged her shoulders, negligent to her friend’s tone of voice entirely. She blew a piece of curly hair away from her face. Just then, her eyes lit up with a brilliant idea. “Should I get the guitar instead?”
“NO!” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo yelled in unison.
Sweetie Belle recoiled. “…why?” she nearly-whispered.
“’Cause your big, clumsy hooves will probably break that, too, ya ragamuffin!”
Sweetie Belle blinked. “Do you even know what that word means?” she asked.
“…No, but if I did, I would know the meanin’ of – wait, that don’t make any sense…” Apple Bloom trailed off, traipsing a few steps away to ponder her sentence for a few moments.
Scootaloo shook her head. “Anyway, I think we’d better find something else to do that doesn’t involve relentlessly snapping instruments in half.” She shot a glare at Sweetie Belle, who shrugged innocently.
“I agree,” Apple Bloom said, resting her haunches down beside Sweetie Belle. “Maybe we should – “
“Ow, Fluttershy, that’s my toenail!”
“Toena - ? Oh! Oops, sorry, but I just – “
“Get off me! I – I’m not leaving!”
“But – ouch, my erector caudae!“
“…I didn’t even touch your vitals, I swear!”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders’ ears stood erect, all pinpointing the audible sounds of ponies arguing.
“Do y’all hear that?” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said. “Obviously the erector caudae is the muscle in the tail of a dragon, not the genitalia.“
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shot her an ameliorating – yet impressed – glare.
“What? We all learned the anatomy of a dragon yesterday at school, remember?”
The duo scrunched up their temples, as if struggling to summon the events to mind. “We did?” they said in unison.
Sweetie Belle face-hoofed.
“Anyway, I wonder who’s arguin’,” Apple Bloom speculated.
“Should we check it out?”
“Well, I don’t think we should,” Sweetie Belle objected gently. “I mean, it’s personal business, right?”
“I guess you’re right.” Scootaloo rumpled up her nose. “I mean, they are talking about genitalia. Even if I don’t know what that means.”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes shone at the opportunity of giving her friend a lesson. “Oh, well, it means – “
“Hey, guys!” Apple Bloom called, whistling between her teeth. The two rushed up to meet her. “I found the source of the arguin’!”
The farm filly parted a towering hedge just enough for her friends and herself to peek through. She pointed towards a larger oak tree with her hoof, and their eyes followed her line of identification until they met their match.
Atop a thicker limb, two baby dragons were apparently trying to drag the other off of them, using their stubby legs to kick and tussle and fight. The yellow one looked close to crying, and the cyan one was using its talon-like claws to dig into the bark of the tree, holding on for dear life as its friend tugged at its legs. The trio peering through the bush stifled laughs at the amusing sight before them.
“Well, wallop my withers and slap my flank with a pancake! Seein’ two dragons fightin’ is surely a sight for sore eyes!”
“Yeah! Ha ha ha!” Scootaloo laughed.
Sweetie Belle, on the other hand, was scrutinizing the scene more closely than the other two. “Hey…” she said, turning towards the other Crusaders. “Don’t you guys notice that the blue one looks like Rainbow Dash? And the other looks like – “
“Rainbow Dash?!” Scootaloo squeaked. She began fidgeting in her spot, running hooves through her mane and brushing her tail out. Her violet eyes nervously darted everywhere. “Where is she?! Oh, does my hair look alright? Does it look awesome enough?”
Apple Bloom furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head, a faintly amused twitch buttering her lips. “I swear to Celestia, Scoots, it’s like you’re vainly infatuated with her, or somethin’.”
“Am not!” Scootaloo hollered, a faint blush spreading over her orange cheeks nonetheless.
“Are too!”
“AM NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“AM N – “
“Girls!” Sweetie Belle commanded. “I thought we agreed we were never going to get arguing cutie marks in the first place, so stop! I have a better idea.” She rubbed her hooves together, almost manically, a sly grin crossing her features.
“Oh, yeah? What is it?”
“We are going to catch those dragons, and live to see the day when we earn our dragon-slaying cutie marks!”
“Yeah!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom said in unison. "That's a great idea!"
The trio gathered together, raised their muzzles to the sky, and hollered to the heavens, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DRAGON SLAYERS, YEAH!”
“Wait, wouldn’t it be dragon catchers, if we wanted to catch them?” Apple Bloom inquired, scratching a hoof against her head.
“Euh, I think it’s the same thing.”
“Okie-dokie, then! Cutie Mark Crusaders, awaaayy!”
Then, the spry young fillies sauntered off to think up their master plan.
: : : :
“Rainbow Dash, please come out of there now,” Fluttershy pleaded, her head rumbling with frustration and exhaustion. Yet, on her hard, scaly exterior, she managed to remain calm.
“No.”
The cyan dragon had managed to escape Fluttershy’s not-so-meaty clutches and had burrowed her way through a squirrel’s hole in the tree. Only her tail was sticking out, and it felt uncomfortable for Fluttershy knowing she was basically talking to her rear end.
“Dash, don’t make me count to three.”
“I’m not a baby, Fluttershy!” she complained, voice muffled by the interior of the hollowed-out tree.
“…One…”
“’Shy…”
“…Two…”
“Fluttershy.” Her voice almost sounded desperate.
“…Thr – “
“OK, OK, I’M OUT! Jeez.”
Dash pushed herself out of the hole, popping out on the branch beneath her. She crossed her arms over her chubby flesh, staring daggers at her friend. In her head, she had killed Fluttershy nine times, but she would never admit it out loud.
“Good. Thank you.” Fluttershy grinned at her. “Now, let’s – “
The butter-yellow dragon’s sentence was delayed when the duo felt a giant mesh net drape over the both of them.
: : : :
“Eugh, we’ve been searching for ages!” Rarity complained, making sure to keep Pinkie Pie in tow behind her. She glanced up in the sky from time to time, using up the last bit of hope in her system to search of the prismatic dragon of the hour, and finding out she was nowhere in sight. She sighed theatrically, again, and scrunched up her brow in worry. “Oh, dear, I hope I’m not sweating underneath these scales!”
Pinkie popped another cookie in her mouth from the vendor she had sought for a while ago. “But why would you want to stop? It’s just like hide-and-seek! Dashie could be anywhere, and you wouldn’t even know it!” The pink dragon then placed an erect hand over her eyes, like a captain’s salute. “She could be over there, or behind that corner! Or, or, maybe she’s hiding in that bucket of apples over there! Do you think so, Rarity? Huh, huh, huh?”
Rarity, checking out her appearance in a nearby window, seemed to pay no heed to Pinkie and her antics. She batted a hand at her friend, as if to wave her away. “Oh, yeah, sure, Pinkie… Oh, Celestia! I miss my other body terribly,” the ivory dragon lamented. “If only Rainbow Dash didn’t fly off so early. I could have been rejuvenating myself in a nice, luxurious mudbath. I can’t feel anything above these scales.” She seethed silently.
“Hey, being a dragon is fun!” Pinkie basically sung. “You know, I think you need some motivation!”
Rarity, snapping out of her reverie, suddenly looked at her in horror. “And, by motivation, do you mean…?”
Pinkie sucked in a breath, puffing her chest out, and launched herself into song.
“Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Little Jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff, oh!”
Rarity bit down on her lip, looking at her bewilderment. “How many songs do you know about, well… everything?”
“Hmmm, well, that’s a toughie! Puff the Magic Dragon is the only song I know about dragons, but I know tons of songs about cupcakes! Ooh, wanna hear one of them?”
“Well, darling, I think I’m okay for now.”
The duo continued sauntering down the street quietly, and soon the area was crowded with more and more ponies as they reached the main part of town. They were soon having to accustom to politely pushing through the citizens’ legs as if going through a labyrinth, earning bewildered stares as they passed.
“Yes, yes, excuse me,” Rarity huffed. “Pardon me, gentlemen, two dragons coming through. Hey, why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer!”
Pinkie, on the other hand, jovially greeted everypony that made contact with them, earning hesitant waves and looks in exchange. She skipped and slid through the crowds with ease, while Rarity had a hard time pushing past – and nearly getting stepped on with – the hooves of the other citizens. She was fuming red with frustration and anger; so red a tomato would be jealous.
“Aw, come on, Rari!” Pinkie cooed, nudging the ivory dragon playfully in the shoulder. “I know this is no fun for you, but, hey! I think it would be a fantabulistic idea if we made a game of it! Yes? No? Maybe so?“
“No.”
“Oh. Should we sing another – “
“No.”
“Can we – “
“No.”
Pinkie tsked her lightly. “You didn’t even hear what I was going to say, you silly billy!”
“I didn’t need to,” Rarity grumbled, too low for the pink dragon to hear, however.
“You know, if you keep frowning like that, you’re gonna get wrinkles quicker! But, hey, maybe you’ll get lucky and end up like Granny Smith! She isn’t that bad.”
Rarity halted in the middle of the street. Somepony accidentally crushed her tail. She made a face, like she was going to throw up. She forced herself not to gag on her own larynx.
From then on, she decided to take Pinkie Pie’s words to heart.
: : : :
On a different route ranging away from the others, Applejack, Twilight, and Spike lumbered along a winding path through a less bustling part of Ponyville. Twilight was perched atop Spike’s withers, who was still getting used to the fact that he was now a pony, and didn’t necessarily need two legs to stand on. She was scoping out their surroundings cautiously, while Applejack sat near Spike’s rump for no real reason at all. She just looked ahead, a serious expression on her face.
“Wow, it’s so cool being a pony! I’m not as chubby as I used to be, and I feel stronger, although these hooves are very grating,” he told them, even though they didn’t seem to care. “But, nonetheless, I feel great!”
“Yeah, uh-huh, it’s very magical,” Twilight said monotonously, still scrutinizing the area with her violet eyes.
They passed through the marketplace, and ironically it was less busy than usual. Spike eyed the fruits and candies with hungry eyes, but occasionally got flicked on the ear by Twilight before he could reach with his longer muzzle and grab a mouthful of the treats. He chuckled, abashed, before moving on.
Then, they passed a trio of fillies and colts playing four-square. The ball they were using haphazardly bounded towards them. Spike unexpectedly leapt onto his back hooves, causing the unprepared dragons on his back to topple to the cemented ground with strangled yelps. He caught the ball between his front hooves before bouncing it back to them. They stared at Spike in astonishment for a while, then muttered a thank you before returning to their game.
“Y’know, Spike,” Applejack began, rubbing her scales with a clawed hand. She sat on her rump in the soil, a groaning Twilight lying beside her. “Ponies usually catch balls in their mouths.”
Spike chuckled an embarrassed chuckle. Then, he stared at her, his nose scrunched up. “That sounded dirty.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Spike! You oughta get placed in the perv box just for that! Just help me and Twilight back up so we can continue searchin’ for Rainbow!” she snapped. “It’s nearly sundown and I don’t wanna go home to a chortlin’ brother who’ll stick me in a high-chair and feed me cider from a sippy-cup just for the hell of it!”
Spike snorted.
“What was that, partner?”
“N-nothing! Let’s just, ah, move on.”
Applejack glared at him, but didn’t make a biting remark. She rubbed Twilight soothingly on the back as she coughed up more gravel stones.
After a few more minutes of walking, something caught their eye almost simultaneously. Three shadows the size of a normal filly scurried between lush green hedges as the sun beat down on them, a lump atop one of them that resembled some sort of rucksack or net. Their mouths seemed to be moving, and vague giggling sounded from the area they were scurrying through. Applejack squinted until she could clearly make out an oversized bow on top of one of the fillies’ heads.
“That looks like Apple Bloom and her Crusader friends!” she announced.
“Seems like they’re up to no good,” Twilight hypothesized.
“Should we follow them?”
Applejack bit the inside of her cheek, her emerald eyes still slits in her face. “Nah, they’re probably doin’ their normal business.”
“Is being creeps part of their normal business?” Spike inquired.
Applejack pondered that for a moment. “Seems like it,” she finally agreed.
And then, completely oblivious to the bearings inside the net, nor caring about it at all, they continued on their way.
: : : :
The Cutie Mark Crusaders finally entered their clubhouse, shutting the creaky door as quietly as they could behind them. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom cautiously positioned a wide, rectangular table in the middle of the room, while Scootaloo tentatively hauled the load off her back and set it on the surface. Noises of befuddlement sounded from the net, and the mesh decided to bulge out in several places.
“You better let me outta this Celestia-forsaken thing, or I’m gonna complain to the navy!” a muffled, raspy voice cracked from underneath the netting.
“Oh, no, she wouldn’t do that – “ another voice began, though it was softer and more harmonious.
“I mean it! Or be prepared for your hindquarters to be more colorful than your manes!”
The trio of fillies giggled at the tiny, diaphanous voices wafting from inside the netting. The holes in the mesh weren’t bigger than the tip of a quill, but small, pronged claws poked through the material and threatened to tear it apart.
“Wha… what? Are they laughing at us? Let us out now, and I’ll delightfully have the pleasure of rearranging your faces so your momma won’t even want to look at them anymore! Whoever you are!”
Scootaloo shrugged, grinning, and tipped the net up from the bottom so the items inside could topple out of the opening. She threw the net away and gazed upon their catch of the day.
The two baby dragons they had found arguing before sat, looking dazed, on the table before them. They looked to be no bigger than Spike, and the fascinating colors mesmerized them in their stupor.
The yellow dragon looked up at them with glassy cerulean eyes, still sitting on her rump, her legs out to the side. The blue one, however, had gotten up on its own stubby legs, its fists balled and teeth bared.
“I’m about to rain hell on – huh?”
“Whoa!” Scootaloo exclaimed, violet eyes sparkling in fascination. She inched her face closer to the cyan dragon. “Just whoa! You talk and look exactly like Rainbow Dash, except you’re a dragon! Are you, like, her twin from another dimension, or something?”
The cyan dragon elevated an eyebrow before shaking her head, clearly befuddled by all commotion. “Huh? No! Scoots, I am Rainbow Dash!”
The fillies exchanged discombobulated glances. Their eyebrows were furrowed quizzically.
“That don’t make any sense!” Apple Bloom said. “Rainbow Dash is a pony and you’re a dragon.”
“Yes, but, I am her,” Dash stammered, her mind circling itself, growing dizzy. Somehow, she had no idea what her mind was doing besides letting her talk the way she didn’t want.
“But you’re a dragon!”
“Yes… but… I am…” Dash resisted the urge to face-hoof. Her lower eyelid twitched. She turned to Fluttershy, who was still sitting on her haunches and twiddling her thumbs rather awkwardly. “Help me out here?” she asked, her magenta eyes flashing sparkles of annoyance and hope.
She swore she saw Fluttershy flush. The yellow dragon darted her eyes, left, right, then flashed her friend a half-helpful smile. “No, you’re doing great!” she squeaked, giving her the thumbs-up sign.
Rainbow Dash face-hoofed, and groaned.
“Okay, then.” She huffed out a breath, a thin tendril of smoke curling out of her lips. “Fine. Okay. Here goes.” Deciding she wasn’t going to get anywhere by just stammering out a jumble of random words, she immediately launched into the tale of magic gone wrong, smelly, disgusting foals, and finally being turned into scaly dragons. She managed to not leave out any big details. The story left her breathless. She could probably write a whole fiction on it.
Heck, maybe two.
When she finished, the trio of fillies said nothing. Their humongous, round eyes stared at her, unblinkingly, for a moment or two. Then, all of a sudden, they burst into laughter, tears of mirth streaming out of their eyes. They collapsed onto the floorboards, their legs kicking out in a rather adorable way as they laughed. Rainbow Dash sighed.
“Yes, yes, it’s bucking hilarious. Laugh it up, small fries,” she mumbled.
“Oh, oh, oh! Ahaha! Twilight draggin’ herself around in a diaper with her adult brain is gold!” Apple Bloom managed to stutter out between fits of laughter.
“Y-yeah! And, and, my sister kicking Pinkie in the pudenda was hilarious!” Sweetie Belle howled.
The two fillies beside her stopped laughing, raising their eyebrows in confusion at her.
At first, Sweetie Belle was similarly befuddled. Then, it came to her. She rolled her eyes at her friends. “Another term we learned at school.”
“Oh!” they said.
“Ahem.” Rainbow Dash tapped her foot against the tabletop, irritated.
“S-so,” Apple Bloom said, constraining herself not to crack up again. She wiped her eyes, standing up on all fours. “That one’s Fluttershy?” She pointed a hoof at the butter-yellow dragon. “Where are the others?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy said, quietly. She waved. “Hi, girls.” She set her claw down. “Actually, I’m not sure where the others are, but we’ve all been searching for Rainbow Dash so Twilight can turn us back to normal…” She shot a look at Dash, though it was less intimidating than she would have liked.
Rainbow Dash avoided her gaze, a light blush spreading on her cheeks like butter. “Oh. Hehe. Sorry.”
Fluttershy giggled. “I think it would be best if we found them soon, before sundown. I don’t want to go home to bed, only to poke holes into my mattress with these scales!” she said with another giggle.
Dash chuckled. “You’ve got a point there. But anyway, I’ve got a bone to pick with you three,” she said, more serious, swinging around to look the three fillies in the eyes. They wore nervous smiles as she placed her claws on her hips. “Why did you kidnap us anyway? It’s kind of creepy, now that I think about it.” A slight shiver ran down her spine.
“Oh. Ehehe…” Sweetie Belle gave her friends dubious looks. They gestured for her to go on, their own teeth gritted. “Well, we wanted to get our dragon-slaying – er, catching – “ she corrected herself when Fluttershy gave her a look of horror. “ – cutie marks! Yeah.”
“Oh, of course,” Rainbow Dash said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I should’ve known.”
Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Anyway, I think we should get going, don’t you think, Rainbow Dash? Our friends will be expecting us, soon.”
“Euh, you’re right,” she agreed, flaring her leathery wings. “Catch ya kiddies later, then. And, next time, do something that’s a taaad less creepy to earn your cutie marks than what you did before, ya hear?”
“Will do. Heh.” Scootaloo looked away, blushing ferociously.
Dash helped Fluttershy stand with a claw locked around her friend’s wrist, and made to leave.
“Wait!” Apple Bloom said, suddenly remembering something. “I remember seein’ a dragon that resembled my sister, a pony that resembled Spike, and another dragon than resembled Twilight on our way to the clubhouse! Maybe that’s them! Last time I saw them, they were at the marketplace! Maybe we could take y’all there, if that’s alright with you.”
“Hey, that sounds great!” Dash said, grinning. “Thanks!”
Fluttershy stood motionless. Now how are they going to take us to them? she asked herself, a tiny knot of fear twisting in her stomach.
: : : :
The three fillies burst out of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse, zipping down the streets like bulls on parade and kicking up clumps of dirt in their wake. Scootaloo donned Rainbow Dash on her back, and Sweetie Belle adorned Fluttershy, while Apple Bloom took the lead feverishly.
“Onwards, my little ponies!” Dash bellowed, pointing a branch like a jousting stick in front of her. She slapped imaginary reins against Scootaloo’s withers, waging another exaggerated battle cry.
Fluttershy, on the other hand, clung onto Sweetie Belle’s mane for dear life as she was juggled erratically on the fillies back like an electric razor vibrating mercilessly on the bathroom marble. Her scales were buffeted by the wind racing to meet her. “I… ugh… th-think we sh-should… eep… slow down!”
The fillies ignored her as they continued to blunder towards the marketplace, giggling uncontrollably as they passed confused vendors and onlookers.
“What? Never seen a dragon riding on a filly’s back before?” Dash asked over the noise of clopping hooves. They continued to stare. “That’s what I thought. Move along, move along!”
Notably, they moved along.
“There they are!” Apple Bloom announced, thrusting a hoof towards a concentrated-looking stallion who was bouncing an apple between two hooves, two dragons standing atop his back looking quite irritated.
“Oh, dear, can w-we just take a break for now – oh!” Fluttershy squeaked when Sweetie Belle nearly slipped out from underneath her. She grabbed her curls in her claws again, nervously praying to Celestia as they galloped.
“Apple Bloom?” Applejack inquired as they came hastily into view. “What in tarnation are you – Rainbow? Fluttershy? Oh, fudgin’ finally!”
“You got them! We were getting so worried,” Twilight admitted smilingly. Her cold seemed to have gone down quite a bit, but her face was still puffy and red and she had the occasional sniffles here and there. Yet, she seemed better than before.
“Hey, yeah!” Dash proclaimed. “But, eh, sorry about flying off earlier… Wasn’t very proper of me.”
“That’s fi – “
“Darn tootin’ it wasn’t proper of ya!” Applejack snarled, wiggling her rump like a cat ready to pounce on a fresh field mouse. She lunged at Rainbow, claws unsheathed and teeth bared.
“Applejack!” Twilight screamed, squinting her eyes. Fluttershy clapped her palms over her own, giving a little squeal of terror.
But the two, as well as the others, were surprised when giddy laughs and chortles radiated from the cyan dragon, as well as faint chuckles from the orange dragon between breathless words.
“Your name should be Silly Goose instead of Rainbow Dash!” Applejack laughed, giving Dash a full-on noogie with her fist. Her friend cried out in mirth, trying to form words between her lips, but they were immediately blocked by uncontainable laughter. The rest of the group couldn’t help but join in.
Just then, as the laughter began to cease, a vibrant pink head poked out from behind a wooden crate. Its wide cerulean eyes widened even farther when she saw them, and she scampered towards the group with the splitting sides.
“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight said, the first to see her approach. The rest of them turned their heads. “Are you okay? Where’s Rarity?”
Pinkie drew in a deep breath, her face flushing the palest pink. “Rarity has been captured by a big, greedy, good-for-nothing spindly dragon with limbs the size of a double-decker bus! It snatched her up and took her all the way to the mountains beside Canterlot! I saw the whole thing! It was super-duper coco-crazy!” she pressed out, collapsing on the ground, exhausted.
“What?” Spike cried, a look of horror crossing her features. “How dare he take my damsel in distress! I oughta rain hell upon that brute! Being changed back can wait another day. Don’t worry, Rarity, I will save you!” He raised his muzzle to the sky, his eyes furrowed in determination.
“Spike, maybe we should – “ Twilight’s words were cut off when Spike took off down the street as fast as his new legs could take him. The group watched them go, utter confusion and surprise forming on their faces.
…everypony except the three excitable fillies, who glanced at each other with wildly enthusiastic eyes. Their jaws widened in perturbation, their eyes glittering with a new, bright idea.
“Wow! If we go, we can totallyget our dragon-slaying cutie marks!” Scootaloo exclaimed giddily.
“Yeah! And maybe even our damsel-in-distress-saving cutie marks!” Sweetie Belle chimed in.
“Actually, I think that one’s going to Spike,” Apple Bloom pointed out.
They burst out laughing. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DRAGON-SLAYERS, ATTEMPT NO. 2, YEAH!” they yelled to the yonder, still giggling uncontrollably.
“’Ho boy,” Applejack muttered, yet she was smiling. She and Dash braced themselves as the fillies took off down the street, a screaming Fluttershy in their wake and an ivory dragon needing saving just ahead of them.
And Pinkie was still passed out on the ground.