Intrusive Thoughts

by RazgrizS57

First published

“Remember this, Twilight, because in the end it’s not the things you think, but the things you do that makes you who you are.”

“Remember this, Twilight, because in the end it’s not the things you think, but the things you do that makes you who you are.”

Nightmares

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All of the lights in the castle seemed to have gone out at once. The sun had just dipped below the horizon and the moon was now in control, drawing its curtain over every window large and small. The hallway Princess Celestia found herself in was left in perpetual darkness, and even though she was certain she could traverse these halls from memory alone, she always found pleasure in giving the guards something to do. Nothing exciting ever went on around here, truth be told. The last century in particular had been relatively monotonous.

The guard beside her gave her a kind smile. His horn illuminated a cone of light which he kept directed on the space in front of them, highlighting twisted shadows so very disfigured from the decor that created them. His golden armor glinted with faint traces of reflecting light as did her crown and neckpiece. Their hoofsteps were muffled by the soft rugs they walked over but the softened noise—being the only ambiance for them to hear—was loud to their ears nevertheless. Celestia could certainly feel the resonating thumps in her chest with every step she took.

“It’s a lovely night,” the guard said in a whisper, more so to himself than to her, gazing up through the windowed section of the hall they were in. Although the night sky was partially obscured by the mountain, that didn’t stop all the twinkling stars from putting on a display for them. Celestia smiled warmly and that sent a message of its own. The guard continued, “Calm. Tranquil. I’ve always found the night to be very relaxing.”

Celestia nodded slowly. “Serenity is a thing the daytime doesn’t particularly bode well with,” she said in a voice so gentle one just wanted to reach out and touch it. “In the day, most everypony is in a hurry and the world is just so full of energy. But in the night, however, relaxation and peace is something most ponies can find regardless of where they are.”

“For sleeping, of course,” the guard said with a faint chuckle. “But honestly, the night sky is something I just like to look at. It’s beautiful, and there isn’t supposed to be a cloud in the sky scheduled for another two days so it’ll all be there too. I think once my shift is over I’ll go do some stargazing.”

“The best view is on the fifth floor patio,” she told him and the guard’s eyes were then brought to her own. “It offers the entire western horizon and most constellations can easily be seen. There’s some tables and chairs there, too. Times like tonight there shouldn’t be any interruptions there either.”

The guard’s eyes brightened with a different kind of light than the spell he was using. “I might have to check that out,” he said, sounding awed.

“Sometimes I also find myself getting lost watching the stars,” Celestia added and the guard acknowledged with a low hum. That got another smile out of her. How she loved making making her ponies happy and she found simple small talk to be the best medium in achieving that. Her ponies and their lives always came first, and that was an ideology she would never let herself forget.

Finally, the two of them came before a tall set of double doors. The guard’s light shone up at the detailed carvings and lustrous embedding on the wood, and then the light winked out. His horn kept glowing softly however, and he wrapped the door handle with his aura and gently pulled it open.

“There you are, your Highness,” he said with a bow as he held the door.

Celestia returned a small one in kind. “Thank you for the escort,” she replied before stepping inside. Her horn flickered momentarily, just long enough to cast numerous candles scattered around her bedroom alight. She turned back to the guard and then asked, “If you don’t mind my asking, when is your shift over?”

Now standing in the doorway, the guard blinked. “I have to return to my post in the main foyer for another two hours.”

She smiled. “Why don’t you go see what the western horizon has to offer,” she said and winked. The guard stood there for another second a little bit dumbfounded, but then the realization hit him and a wide grin spread across his cheeks.

“I... Thank you, your Highness.”

“Enjoy the night,” she told him, and her own magic then overtook his grip on the door. In a single, snap motion she went to slam the door shut, but the guard hadn’t any time to move out of the way. Hard wood collided with his head blisteringly fast, cracking his skull so sharply it made her spine crawl. His neck violently snapped and his body fell, letting the momentum carry him forward until his head cracked again between the doors and they, stubbornly, refused to shut. Undeterred, the door attempted to close again but it was continuously blocked by the guard’s twitching body, the sound of his helmet ringing growing louder than the fracturing bone with every swing. Blood sputtered out of his mouth and nose and all the cuts over his broken face like a shampoo bottle pitifully spitting out the last of its contents.

The guard looked up at her and smiled. “I think I will,” he said before backing out of the doorway, closing the door behind him with a click. She could hear the sound of his hooves gradually fade away as he departed until, at last, she was left alone with complete silence.

Celestia stared at the clean ground where he once stood and sighed. The flickering candles were positioned throughout the room in such a way that they basked every corner of her bedroom in a soft orange glow. She turned away slowly and walked over to her desk where a small stack of papers awaited her.

Paperwork wasn’t as tedious as it sounded. In fact, she would argue it was enjoyable—of course, she never got as much satisfaction out of it compared to the time she spent with other ponies in her company. Yet reading these proposals and memos always kept her in touch with the populace. She felt it was her duty as a princess to not just manage the nation, but to keep herself constantly up to date with the whole of Equestria. If physically possible, she’d like to ask everypony in the country something new every day. Her ponies did come first after all, and she made sure to include them in her life as much as she could.

The words whizzed by her faster than she had expected. A candle positioned at the corner of her desk wavered as the final document was set down. Taking a deep breath Celestia looked back around her bedroom, but nothing immediately came to her mind. It was late and everypony was to be sleeping, save a few guards of course. She herself should have been getting some rest, even if her physicality meant she could never fall asleep. The night was the only time she ever found alone time for herself. Admittedly, she never actually liked the idea of solitude.

Celestia got up from her desk and wandered over to a large glass door. Opening it revealed a small outdoor balcony, nothing grandiose about it by any means except for maybe the plush pillow that took up half the space. A soft breeze snuck up to her and caressed its fingers through her mane and behind her ears. With a nod to herself she took her seat and closed the door behind her.

The cityscape of Canterlot presented itself, masked by nightfall but still showing light in a few isolated windows. A few ponies had yet to go to bed apparently. Celestia wondered what was taking them, and as much as she pondered she couldn’t tell for sure definitively—the thought even crossed her mind to go investigate. Wouldn’t that be something funny? A stallion sitting at his typewriter, proofing his latest written work due the very next morning when suddenly the Princess appeared at his window like something out of a fairytale? She snickered at the idea. But the last thing she wanted was to inconvenience somepony.

She glanced up at the sky and reminisced in the fact it wasn’t truly hers. It could never truly be; all she did was make sure it didn’t fall apart. The corners of her lips twitched down a little as her eyes met the moon and its shadowy blemish. Time went by unnoticed then as she just sat there looking at its dim light. Granted, the stars tried to make up for it, but light wasn’t something the moon specialized in. Light was what the day excelled at.

Then the moon began to grow, almost cartoonishly so as inflated to many times its normal size in a matter of seconds. The twinkling stars fought against the swelling body but there was nothing they could do as the moon swallowed them whole. Then, just as it seemed the moon had stopped its sudden growth, it came crashing down onto the city. Entire blocks vaporized in an explosive display of rock and fire. Buildings turned to ash before her as the moon forced itself into the earth like a square peg in a round hole. The dark stain on its cracking surface stared impassively at Celestia as the entire city was annihilated beneath its might. The resulting shockwave sped towards her, almost in slow motion, pushing down everything in its path until finally the wall came up to greet her with its touch.

Celestia blinked. When she opened her eyes, the city showed to be completely intact. The moon was still in the sky where it belonged and there wasn’t a hint of fire or ruination anywhere. Her expression flattened and she let out a heavy breath she'd been holding.

“Princess?” came a voice so small a mouse couldn’t have said it softer. Celestia twirled around with a jump and silently back into her room. The doors to her bedroom were barely ajar, but she could hear the tiny struggles of a pony on the other side work her way to open them further. A tiny hoof finally wedged its way between the two and, after much more fighting, the little filly squeezed her way through into the room.

“Oof!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, landing flat on her chest.

Celestia walked up to her on air, her head low to the ground as she did her best to withhold a laugh at the sight. “What are you doing here?” she asked with a tease and her horn illuminated its immaculate glow, lifting Twilight up onto her hooves. “It’s way past your bedtime, Twilight Sparkle. You have studies tomorrow.”

“I know...” Twilight whined, “but I just...” She tried to say something but ended up biting her lip. Every time she opened her mouth to speak she found a cold shiver rack her spine and a throbbing pain in her head. She was able to mumble something under her breath, but she went out of her way to avoid looking Celestia in the eyes and scuffed a hoof into the ground.

Celestia tilted her head. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Twilight paused before slowly nodding.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she then asked, but to that Twilight frowned and vigorously shook her head.

She smiled that signature smile of hers again while Twilight continued to avoid her and pout. Her horn lit up again and she picked up the young filly so delicately she hadn’t even noticed until she was floating through the air. The realization struck Twilight with a gasp and she started flailing her hooves to release herself. But, as Celestia noted, it sounded like she was whimpering, as if she was fighting against something trying to reach up to her from below.

Gently, she was let down onto Celestia’s plush bedspread where her fighting ceased immediately. Twilight looked up cautiously as Celestia removed her regalia and crawled onto the bed to join her, pulling in the filly in close into an embracive cuddle.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” she asked in a motherly tone.

Twilight again pouted and shook her head. “You don’t wanna know about my nightmare...” she whispered.

“Sure I do,” Celestia said, patting her on the back of the head. “If there’s anything you should know, Twilight Sparkle, it’s that sharing one’s thoughts with another is the quickest and easiest way to alleviate stress.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” she cooed and then giggled. “If anypony, I would know. Being the princess of an entire nation can be quite tiring, you see.”

Twilight looked up to her, her eyes wide and afraid and eager for the comfort Celestia offered, yet the filly couldn’t pull herself to accept it just yet. “Do you ever have bad dreams?”

Celestia’s smile softened. “You know I’m incapable of sleeping, Twilight, so dreaming is something I could never experience. However, all ponies have bad thoughts from time to time, myself included.”

Twilight gasped. “You do?”

“Everypony does and I am no exception,” she explained. “It’s completely normal to dream or think of things that scare you, things you fear, things that you know you wouldn’t ever say or do.”

It looked like Twilight was about to try and refute, but she kept her mouth closed. Her gaze wandered around the room, looking for something to take her thoughts off the images nipping at the back of her mind. It startled her more than she would’ve liked to admit, then, when it dawned on her that the solution to her troubles sat just a hoof’s reach away, overflowing with inviting comfort and kindness. All she had to do was muster the courage to let it out.

“I-I had a dream that I was a princess,” Twilight began, her voice small and fragile. “But nopony liked me, and whenever I did good things everypony got angry... and then I got angry at them for being angry and then, well, I-I...” she trailed off, her words getting stuck her throat.

“Did you hit them?” Celestia asked.

Very slowly, Twilight nodded. “With rocks,” she added, quivering.

Celestia pulled her deeper into the hug. “Do you want to hit ponies with rocks?”

Twilight was aghast. “N-no! I would never—!”

“Then don’t let a silly little nightmare get the better of you,” she asserted, wiping the faintest hint of a tear off the filly’s cheek. “Ignoring scary thoughts when they arise, not giving in to your fears, and knowing what’s right from wrong are the most important things a pony could ever learn. Sometimes they can blessings in disguise, because they remind you of what not to do. It takes a very... a very strong pony to restrain themselves from doing something they might otherwise regret.”

Twilight made a squeaking noise. “Am I strong pony?”

Celestia hugged her a little tighter. “You’re the strongest pony I know. Remember this, Twilight, because in the end it’s not the things you think, but the things you do that makes you who you are.”

“I bet you’re stronger,” the filly’s hushed voice said with a giggle as she nuzzled against her. That got Celestia’s smile to grow a little more, but it was bittersweet.

A large pillow floated into view, held in the air by the Princess’ magic aura, and she positioned herself to get more comfortable from where she was laying. Twilight looked up and only had enough time to blink before the pillow was shoved on top of her, forcing her head down into the bed. She struggled to free herself, making shrieking gasps for air while from underneath it, but just when it looked like she was going to escape Celestia put her hooves on top and drove the pillow even deeper. The seconds gradually ticked by, one after the other, until finally everything fell still and the air grew cold.

Twilight looked up at her and smiled just as wide. “Is it alright if I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course you can,” Celestia whispered, and with a flick of her magic every candle in the room snuffed out. She sighed. “I need a bit of rest myself.”


Written by, RazgrizS57