The Letter's Contents
Hey, hey, hey...yeah, you, the guy at your computing device, whatever you humans call those.
Yes, it's me. The now reformed spirit of chaos and disharmony himself. For someone that valued chaos so dearly before he realized that friends didn't get in the way of everything...and could show me the right road...I have to say, you humans really don't need my help being chaotic.
How do I know all this? Of the things I can do in my statue, peering into other worlds is one of them. However, using magic to trick ponies is not among my powers. For the love of chocolate milk clouds, I'm in a sealed state. I can't believe you humans would think I could memory wipe ponies, let alone ones as powerful as the alicorns from a sealed state. If I could, my second defeat would not have happened.
On the subject, while I can float the Elements at my will, save for the Element of Magic (believe me, I did try that but it didn't work; it's the "Master Element" and hidden for a reason, you know!)...I can't affect them. Again, if I could, say, booby trap them so the bearers would act stupid, don't you think I'd have done that? I tried that too! Couldn't even get them to respond until they were being worn anyway.
Oh, and making the ponies fight to the death with creatures from another world? First of all, sealed or not, I can't physically force ponies into other worlds. This world I'm in is my sole jurisdiction. What do you think this is, that Star Trek that seems to come up in some places where I'm mentioned? Side note: if I met Q, I'd probably like him...
I lost the second time because I was too arrogant. The first time, too. Why is it so hard for you to accept that? I've peered into your world, and I have to say...you all take me too seriously. Some of you want to stick a knife in my back and destroy me (fat chance of that happening; the Elements couldn't do more than seal me; it'd take a lot more than that to take me out permanently!), but the grand majority of you can't seem to grasp a cartoon aimed for kids.
Yes, humans, I can bend the fourth wall to my will, but given all the other stuff you saw me do, it shouldn't be so surprising. Though I am honestly flattered you think I'm hilarious even when I'm torturing innocent ponies...killing them? Really? What do you take me for?
When I was still evil, I had a saying: "what good is chaos if nopony's around to experience it?" And even though I intend to use my powers for good unless a really good prank opportunity comes out (Celly called me mischievious, not "deadly"...even though I was more of a tyrant than she ever could be; seriously, I was bested by her and you don't hear me calling her a tyrant!)...I still stand by that! I prefer having a live audience, thank you very much!
I've heard so many of you cry deus ex machina at both my second defeat and my reformation. Again, I was careless...I didn't think their friendship would hold up so well with all the stuff I put them through! I was bitter about that defeat, and was plotting my revenge while Fluttershy had tried to reform me by showing me genuine friendship and kindness...truth be told, when she openly called me her friend in the face of her five other, more long-standing friends, I sort of regretted doing what I did to her back in the hedgemaze. But it had to be done at the time...I was free for the first time in centuries, I wasn't about to let it get away if I could help it!
Of course, I abandoned my revenge afterward. There's a lot of stuff that happened offscreen, but I'm not telling you what it was. You wanna know why? Because you chaotic humans don't need my help to come up with the chaos!
Seriously, why are you doing this thing called "shipping"? Why do you think I'd be a good match for any of the ponies? I'm still earning their trust! While I'm on the subject...raping them? Really? I never had an interest in carnal knowledge! Even I have standards, you know!
About that whole "cartoon aimed for kids" thing...yeah, sometimes the writing has lapses in it (some far bigger than others), but you know, you can't have this "grimdark" manure in a cartoon aimed for kids. I'm not some evil mass murderer nor some reality-bending rapist. When I was evil, I was a mere creature who sought to amuse only himself through...mostly harmless pranks cranked to twelve. Now...I aim to amuse my newly formed friends...most of the time.
Yeah, I never thought I'd call those ponies my friends. I'm just as surprised as you probably were at my sudden turn...Oh, wait, it wasn't that sudden from my side of the aisle. You ain't gettin' that info, though. Don't want to give you lot any ideas now.
Being a goody-two-shoes wasn't on my life goals, but I'm sure you might still see me up to my antics...just toned down a little. I'd rather keep my friends legitimately.
Yet...I'm strangely happy to have it that way thanks to you.
You humans are all sociopaths that make me at my worst look tame by comparison! You can crank the chaos up as high as you want! By all means, use me as a catalyst if you really have to! It doesn't change the truth!
I know not what drives you to maim, kill, humiliate, or whatever, the ponies you claim to appreciate so much, "bronies". I just know I'm not into any of it. Except maybe the humiliation, but that was when I was evil, so not so much that anymore. I'm pretty sure you guys call yourselves that, but really, from what I've seen, it should be "People who appreciate the chaotic side of things way, way too much."
I honestly never thought I'd even see creatures who legitimately enjoyed my chaos (Pinkie Pie doesn't count; she was just in it for the milk and cotton candy clouds...). Why do you find me when I was evil so good! I mean, yeah, sure, I put the ponies in their place for a few hours, I gave them a run for the money. But I lost fair and square due to my own arrogance! And now that I've seen what drove them to be able to defeat me like that, I have to accept it, as much as it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
You might be wondering why I'm turning on you, the people that got me my third episode to begin with. Well, it's simple. You guys asked for way, way too much, and because you didn't get "classic Discord" and got "Princess Twilight" instead, you all went into an uproar. Really, she's not that different! She still has her moments...
Anyway, I've spent too much time communicating with you lot. I'd offer you some of my chaos, but I'm convinced you don't need my help, not with all the stuff I've seen on your "Internet". You guys manage just fine on your own.
P.S. Seriously, I don't understand you lot at all.
P.P.S. No, I'm not taking any of this back. If I could directly affect your world, I still wouldn't. You guys have shown me you need more harmony than anything...ugh, admitting that is still not easy.
P.S.S.S. That's right, I have three "S"s on this one instead of three "P"s...Because what fun is there in making sense?
Yeah, I'm out. You might not see me again, but that's why I'm in some of these "fics" of yours, right? So you can see all the me you want doing whatever you want. ...Even if even I find it questionable from time to time...