"...Okay...okay...okay. So let me get this straight...You're daring me...to serenade one of you guys?" You say, while sitting indian style in a circle with the mane 6.
You appeared in Equestria a couple month's ago, and even though it took a while for the populace to get used to you, they were all nice.
You somehow got roped into attending a slumber party with the six ponies you mostly hang out with and surprisingly Celestia, and now they dared you...to serenade one of them.
Celestia just watched the entire thing transpire with that relaxed smile she always wears.
"Yupper's! You choose the song, and it has to have passion,fire,sexual irresponsibility, and..." Pinkie vanished for a split second and then came back...
With the most bedazzled,shiny and iced out 70's disco wear you have ever seen in your life. She also had a pair of 70's shades.
You really didn't know what to say when she came with this up.
"...Those are some stank-ass shades..." You say. Pinkie nodded.
"...Where in the wide, wide world of Equestria did you get that..." Rarity says, obviously intrigued by the...attire in front of her.
"Google search" Pinkie simply said. You turn your head to this.
"What!? I don't even- how did you- what!?" You babble uncontrollably. Twilight suddenly saved your sanity...or not.
"Just don't question it...you'll save yourself a couple ice pack's to the head if you do." Twilight said. She herself was calming a vain that was popping out of her head, obviously from over thinking.
You nod you head...but the shock you felt from the entire situation...wasn't going away...
Back on earth you weren't very...stable. You had to take a strict schedule of medicine to keep it under control. Being in the land of magical, flying, talking colorful ponies didn't help your sanity any and...
Well...
*Snap*
Pinkie's forth wall break made you very unstable right now...
"...I know just the...PERFECT...song to serenade one of you GURRRRLS...today on this fine day that is today." Your eye twitched three times and you smiled THE MOST SKETCHIEST smile ever constructed by human facial muscles.
The room got a little colder...
You reach into your pocket and pull out your ipod, which you had on you when you came here.
A little visit to Vinyl's place fixed the charging problem.
You scroll up towards the beginning of the song list...
Perfect...
"Give me the clothes Plonka...*tongue slurp*...I need to change my peel right about yesterday." You say. Your head twitching uncontrollably.
The rest of the mane six back away from you slowly, they all knew you were as stable as a house of cards supporting the empire state building, said cards also had brittle bone disease...relative to cards of course. Cards don't have bones...do they?
Celestia had a neutral face during this, she didn't know the human well...but she was going to ask Twilight if there is anything wrong with him.
Pinkie smiled and hopped in place.
"YAY! I knew the fun you would come out eventually! This is going to be soooooooo tubular!" Pinkie exclaimed. Giving you the clothes.
You walk (hop with all your strength on the floor) towards a more private place to change your clothes. You come back decked out in 70's dancing attire.
"Alright this is Howling Mad Man Murphy coming to you FART live and lucid from my sweaty pucker hole bringing you nice tunes from the old days." You play the song...
Twilight forgot to mention that Celestia took time from her busy schedule to relax with the girls...
You swag over towards the group. Two steps forward and one step back.
"Ohhh!"
You point over towards Celestia and passionately gyrate your hips.
"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life! OHHH! See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen!"
You get closer to her. Her shocked face is exactly what you want to see. One thousand years and more of life experience can only go so far in expecting the unexpected.
"Friday night and the lights are low! DE ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne NE! Looking out for the place to go...Ohh"
You start dancing around Celestia, making full use of you dynamic hip bones. Like a true 70's man, using your pelvis.
"Where they play the right music, getting in the swing. You come in to look for a king...DE NE NE!"
"Anybody could be that guy~DE ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne NE!! Night is young and the music's...high!"
"With a bit of rock music, everything is fine. You're in the mood for a dance DE NE NE!"
"And when you get the chance..."
You hold out your hand to Celestia...
And she takes it out of shock.
"You are the dancing queen! Young and sweet, only seventeen!"
Lets not argue that.
"Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine! AW YEAH!"
Guess who spawned a tambourine? Take a guess.
You take lead with Celestia, and dance with her (more like she's trying to follow your erratic movements.)
"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life! OHHH!"
Dip! (Don't ask me how you can dip an Alicorn.)
"See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen!"
While Celestia is being dipped you point out towards the other group of ponies watching you. Moving your head to and fro.
You look at Celestia.
"You're a teaser, you turn 'em on! DE ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne NE! Leave them burning and then you're...gone!"
Maximum rustling...
"Looking out for another, anyone will do.You're in the mood for a dance, DE NE NE!"
You get her back on her two hind legs.
"And when you get the chance..."
Again you frantically dance. Pouring as much emotion into your facial expression's as you sing the classic song.
"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen!"
Again, let's not argue that.
"Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine AW YEAH!"
Pinkie with that tambourine swag!
"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life! OHHH! See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen! DE neeeeeee ne ne ne ne ne NE...DIGGIN' THE DANCING QUEEN!
You let go of Celestia and swag away, looking like a boss...
Until you decide that Twilight's kitchen table is eyeing you funny and proceed to Zinedine Zidane the table with all your herculean strength (not really but you get the point.)
"Um...if you don't mind me asking...where are we going Anon?" Fluttershy timidly asked. She was floating next to you. Going towards a well known restaurant...
A very well known restaurant.
Your eye twitched and you slowly turn your head towards her.
Your off your meds again...
"Don't worry, higgily wiggly mr tiggly man is bringing you to a VERY nice place to eat. Filled with delectable delicacy's for a delectably delicate pony suc-TAX EXEMPTION-h as yourself." You smile with the force of one thousand pedophiles on cocaine laced with LCD.
"Just don't take my shoes Butterbean and we'll be just Kosher Dill, okays?" You say.
Fluttershy backs away from you just a little bit, but everypony is used to your...insane moment's. Fluttershy took the longest though.
A couple years back both earth an Equestria found each other on a dimensional level. Five years later, even though both planets are still settling, life has regained some normalcy.
Now you and Fluttershy were walking towards a restaurant to eat...well.
When you became insane like this, no one held you accountable for the things you did, partly because sometimes you don't even remember what it is you did.
"KFC?" Fluttershy asked. Getting a little worried, she doesn't like going into human restaurants, mainly because humans eat meat. Even though she deals with carnivore's on a daily bases, she still isn't comfortable with the premises of eating meat.
"YES, Flaaashaaa *twitch* let's get some bicycle food *twitch* for your Boeing 747, okays? I'll pay the kind money with some people I have in my pocket." You say, grinding your teeth while looking up at the sky.
"...Okay..." Fluttershy says. She had enough experience's with Pinkie Pie to know when not to question things.
Fluttershy's face contort's into one of complete horror.
Many morbidly obese...ponies were ripping into the deliciously made chicken.
Pieces of fried chicken skin were flying all over the place, Fluttershy saw everything in slow motion.
Scootaloo was being dragged to the back of the building, they were slathering her in the traditional 11 herbs and spices and the grease of their ancestors powered by the elder gods.
Many ponies were viciously beating each other with drumsticks and biscuits....
You were the only human there...
This was a special KFC, one that catered to ponies mostly...
I'm sorry, did I say KFC?...
I meant CFC 'Canterlot Fried Chicken' Princess approved!
Fluttershy tried valiantly to save Scootaloo from her delicious demise, but she was hit in the face with a drum stick, she slowly went crashing towards the floor. The grease from the delicious projectile ruined her precious mane.
A speck of chicken skin hits her chin, she violently lurches her head back as if she were punched by Mike Tyson.
While she was on the floor she saw, to her horror, Soarin from the wonderbolts...
He was passionately making love to a chicken pot pie in the background. Pieces of the poor pie were flying everywhere.
There was a banner hanging from the ceiling. In big happy letters in said.
'Happy birthday Flit- Fluute- Flaa-Flutter!'
They ran out of space on the banner to finish her name.
You decided that a cooked Scootaloo wouldn't taste very good. So you take a pot filled with gravy and pour it all over the ponies dragging Scootaloo away while singing.
"AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEIIIIIIIII WILl ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUA AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
The confusion was enough to make the ponies sing along. They started to passionately wrestle in the puddle of gravy you so kindly made for them.
"Fluttershy."
You grab Scootaloo and spin your head with the speed of Helicopter blades and also grab Fluttershy while she's traumatized because of Sorin's 'thigh pie'.
You somehow gain thrust because of the speed your spinning your head. And take off crashing into the ceiling.
"Fluttershy!"
Everypony is throwing pieces of greasy disgusting chicken at you while you try to fly away. The road that is below you turns into a pool of greasy chicken and even though Scootaloo is about 100 times more greasy than Fluttershy you manage to drop Fluttershy into the greasy pool of Chi-
"FLUTTERSHY!"
"AHHH!"
Fluttershy wakes up in a daze. She looks around to see you shaking her awake.
"Come on Fluttershy, I know you don't like the aspect of eating meat, but please we need to meet somepony in there. Now come on, it will be over soon."
"...I can't...I had an AWFUL dream and I..." You silence her by scratching behind her ears.
"Look I know it's scary, but 5 minutes tops, okay."
She was about to say okay and go in with him...
Until she saw Soarin come out with a pie box. Fluttershy promptly fainted.
"...Dude, really?" You say. Soarin shrugs and leaves.
It's been about two months since you've 'arrived' in Equestria and life so far has been pretty great. The ponies here, after a short time, accepted you into ponyvillie with open arms...forelegs?
Anyway life in equestria has been... different but it has been good. In fact you could easily say that there is nothing wrong with your new life.
Except for one thing...
Rainbow Dash.
She would make Sonic the Hedgehog look like a pastor when it come's to being humble.
You thought her attitude and personality was actually very attractive, your an open minded guy, but that attraction took a knee to the gut when she started running her mouth.
It's part of who she is, and you accept and realize this, but she brags SO DAMN MUCH.
And only around YOU! Maybe it's because your not a pony? Something different, or SOMETHING but you don't know WHY she constantly brags around you.
But not only does she brag, she INSISTS that she be your 'gym teacher' so to speak. You know trying to change her mind is like trying to make a brick orgasm.
Yeah, not gonna happen.
You actually became stronger, faster and have a much better reflex time because of her 'training'...
Which is basically her trying to pound you into the dirt everyday.
Not an actual fight, but a wrestling match.
She spams with flying tackles, if anyone wanted to know.
Why is it that she always tackles you? And the weirder part is when she actually lands a hit on you, she stays there for a couple seconds before bragging that she won.
But today...was different.
...
'This isn't good...' You think as you see Rainbow barreling towards you at about 7800 bits of medical expenses an hour.
Never have you seen her try to tackle you this hard. Maybe it's partially your fault because you got a little cocky when you dodged her first three attempts to tackle you, she didn't take your bragging very well.
She can dish it out, but she can't take it, apparently.
Your sweaty, sore, and tired from your usual work out sessions with Rainbow Dash, but...
You don't feel that right now.
All you see is a potential cause of bankruptcy due to medical bills going straight towards you.
She's really close...
You get your arms ready, brace your legs, pucker your butt hole and prepare to do something...very stupid.
'It's all or nothing...'
She's almost here....
'Not yet...'
She's almost on top of you...
'Not yet...'
You can smell her spicy scented sweat...
'Not yet...'
Dude, if you have any-
'NOW!'
You take the tackle like a boss. But you don't fall over. Your gonna feel that one in the morning...
With all your might (not much because pegesi are very light.) You grab her by the sides and lift her body above your head.
"OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream running around Rainbow's prone form. Screaming your lungs out in happiness. You put your hands in the air...and wave them like you just don't care.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT'S GOOD!? WHAT'S GOOD!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You wave your hand in front of your face John Cena style. Your so pumped...
A little too pumped.
*Snap*
There goes your sanity.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Your screams get softer and softer, not because your getting softer...
It's because your running back to ponyvillie, screaming you ass off like a mad man, which you are at this point.
Applebloom was helping Applejack sell apple's at the stand today, for real this time, and actually got some legitimate sales today (Puppy dog eyes of total domination.) But...she and Applejack start to hear something.
"AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She hears your screams but your not there at the moment.
"Applejack, ya'll here that?" Applebloom asked. Applejack turned to answer her sister.
"Yeah ah do, sounds like-" Her sentence was interrupted by you. Running towards the stand screaming and flailing your arms around like an idiot on bathsalts.
*SLAM!*
The sound of your hand slamming against the hard surface of the stand was heard. You put down a bit on the stand.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You, still screaming, take an apple from the stand.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Your screams fade away when you start running towards the library.
Thoroughly shocked and confused, Applebloom turned to her sister.
"Was that..." Applejack nodded.
"Somethan ain't right with that guy." She said and continued with her stand, taking the bit you put down and putting it were all the money goes.
"So when am I going to meet this 'human', my student?" Celestia asked, she took time out of her busy schedule to come to finally meet this new creature that Twilight goes on about in her letters.
"He's exercising with Rainbow Dash right now, he'll be here any moment. I have to warn you as I did in my letters he's a little-" She was interrupted by a faint screaming sound.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"What was that?" Celestia asked.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Your screams got louder.
*Slam!*
The sound of you opening the open violently is heard. But before the two mares can ask what is happening, or even take in the situation. You go back outside.
*SLAM!*
The sound of you kicking the door down this time is heard.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You run towards a bookshelf and started slowly sorting through the books, still screaming at the top of your lungs. You find the book you are looking for and proceed to go upstairs were Spike is taking a nap.
But before you do, you find and bring with you the door Twilight made during the whole Trixie fiasco.
*Snore*
The sound of Spike sleeping peacefully is the only thing heard in this nice silent room.
"Oh Rarity, hit me ha-"
*Slam!*
Spike is shocked awake from his pleasant dream by the sound of you opening the door you had with you, but before he could process what is happening you close the door again...
*SLAM!*
You, for the second time this day, kick one of the library's door's down. You run up to Spike and take the blanket he has been using.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHINEEDTHISHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream as you suddenly unroll Spike from his cozy blanket. He flips about seven times in the air before landing on his bed. You put the door back were it belongs and pull up the door that you kicked down and run out the library.
"Wha...?" Spike asks.
*Slam!*
The sound of you coming back into the library is heard as you go in front of princess Celestia, you bow.
"AAAAAAAAAAAPLEASURETOFINALLYSEEYOUPRINCESSCELESTIAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream very loudly before...
*SLAM!*
You again kick Twilight's door down, you start running towards Sugar-Cube Corner.
Derpy has finally ended her shift from her job as Mailmare for today, and she thought it was a good idea to sit down, relax, and enjoy some muffins for today.
"Have a trice nice day Derpy!" Pinkie says as she hands Derpy the freshly made muffin's.
"Thank you Pinkie, I wills!" The wall eyed mare says happily.
She sits down to enjoy her muffin's but is interrupted by Pinkie shuddering and doing weird motions and then gasping.
"*Gasp!*Eye twitch, Itchy back, bloated tongue!" She smiled and started hopping in place.
"YAY, it's been a while since this happened!" Pinkie exclaims happily. Derpy got curious, she and all of ponyvillie knew about her Pinkie sense, but she isn't familiar with what means what.
"What does it mean?" She asks in her adorably dopey voice.
"It means things are going to get interesting in 3..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
"2..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
"1!"
*SLAM!*
You kick the door down and grab Derpy and start to run away.
*SLAM!*
You come back, kick the door open again and grab the plate of muffin's. You then run towards the field where you Liger Bombed Rainbow Dash.
"Hey! Wait for me!" Pinkie says before following you, hopping and giggling all the while.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream while running towards Rainbow Dash's still prone form. She is still shocked by what happened to the point of being paralyzed.
You set Derpy down, give her the book, and put the blanket over Rainbow Dash, you also put the apple and muffins you had around her.
"YOU BETTER EAT YO DINNER! CAUSE YOU JUST REACHED CURFEW!"
You point to Derpy.
"READ HER A BEDTIME STORY, CAUSE SHE'S OUT! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...."
You start running towards ponyvillie again...
With your hands in the air, waving them like you just don't care.
End.
...
...
"Long ago in a distant land, I Aku-" Derpy and Pinkie started reading. Rainbow Dash put her hoof up to stop them..
"Stop...just...stop." Dash said, before laying back on the ground.
I've noticed that a lot of people have had mixed reactions to Equestria girls. So, I've been 'researching' on the many reactions that I have witnessed.
Reaction #1: Confusion
"Ahh-....I don't even..."
*Slam*
The sound of Anon slamming his head on the table is heard.
"*Sigh*...Okay...just gotta roll with the punches I guess...maybe it will be good."
Reaction #2: Excitement
"Huuuh! Okay, okay I can deal with this! Alright then, i'm pumped!" Said Anon happily.
Fist pump.
Reaction #3: Neutral.
"...Okay." Anon says.
He puts his tablet down and continues to take a crap.
And finally...reaction #4: ...
"..." Anon said nothing.
His eye began to twitch violently. His head began shaking with extreme violence. A sharp inhale of breath was heard, and the final straw was when he saw...'Brad'.
