S2 Chapter 9: Bad Day to Be Honest (Calk Fiats Juts)
-Xavier's Recap-
Did I say all night? I should've said all week and half of the next. Word spread like wildfire about my dancing. And I know exactly who the prime suspect is. Fucking Rarity! Every job I had since then, I've been asked to dance. "Hey Xavier can you dance on the roof?" "After Granny Smith's story telling, Xavier, can you dance for the class?" "Hey Xavier, we think your dancing will bring in more customers to my bar!" Fuck that shit. Each time someone asked me to dance, I stopped working and went home. There were a lot of half-repaired fences, roofs, and broken furniture in Ponyville that week. I'm paid to work. Want entertainment? Track down Trixie! And if that was enough, Luna had unintentionally given Nightmare Moon ammo to use against me by joking about my dance moves infront of her. No one even remembers Twilight's dancing. Just mine. And I regretted it oh so much.
At least Twilight left me alone about the dancing for the most part. She was the only one besides Fluttershy to not tease me on my poor dancing skills. I used one of my favors to have Twilight use a duplicate spell on my 3DS XL so Spike wouldn't start mocking me as well. That became an eventual problem for Twilight, Spike having shirking his responsibilities as Twilight's number one assistant and spending most of his time in isolation until he came to our house to hang out. Twilight had decided to 'punish' me by having me over at the library instead. I didn't really do much beside keep her company and maybe help out a little bit, free of charge of course. She seemed to enjoy my company and didn't complain about me picking on and trolling her (Much. She flipped when she woke up to me using her books for dominoes). During her breaks, she'd often rest on my lap while reading a book where I'd occasionally poke her muzzle. I even took a little interest in her studies which surprised her. That was, until she tried to lecture me. Her lectures had many words that I'm sure weren't in the human dictionary, and she didn't even explain what half of them meant. That's why I was only a little interested instead of a lot. I lost interest pretty quickly. So I shut her up with a kiss, being the sly dude I am. She got the message though, not as begrudgingly as she wanted to be. That's when I realized I know how to practically play her like a game. She's lucky I'm not nefarious..
...much.
-recap over-
My hand was over my face as I was currently dealing with a slight annoyance. It's been two weeks. The moment of my embarrassment has passed in the waking realm, but apparently not here. I sat there, hand covering one of my eyes, as the other was peeking between my pinkie and ring fingers, watching Nightmaid laugh at me. Putting her on mute would help, but watching her silently laugh at me didn't make things any better, so I just let her have her moment.
"You know, everyone else has dropped it and moved on from it. Hasn't it gotten old for you too?"
"Neigh, human. We are over one thousand years old and we have doubts that this will never get old! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Luna walked into my dream, wearing a white crop-top t-shirt, hoodie jacket, and capris jeans, just as I covered the other half of my face with my other hand. "Hello, dear Xavier. We hope thou are sleeping well."
"No, I'm not.. This is your fault you know.." I said.
Luna looked sheepish as she chuckled. "We know, and we apologize, but we couldn't help ourselves. Your dancing was the funniest thing we've seen since we were banished."
"And now I don't know how long I'll have to deal with the laughing Nightmaid."
"Perhaps for a couple of months or so."
My head turned to Nightmaid. "Well, hey. I've never seen you dance. You're probably worse than I am." This made Nightmaid laugh even louder. Goddammit...
"HOLY FAUST MY SIDES ARE KILLING ME!!"
"You see, dear Xavier, we are not only famous for being Nightmare Moon and raising the moon itself. On special occasions such as international games, our sister and I often perform on behalf of Equestria. Tia performs her Sun dance, while we perform the Night. Since Nightmare came from us, she too can dance as well as we can."
"Really? You're going to have to show me sometime."
Luna blushed heavily. "W-well... 'Tis been a while since we've performed, and we may be rusty. We never performed in this form before." She gestured to her anthromorphic body. "And we wouldn't want to-"
"I think thee is flustered to have been requested a private performance for her favorite human stallion." Nightmaid mocked...
...before being dropped by a punch to the face from an even more flustered Luna.
"I have no idea why I haven't thought of that for the past two weeks. Knocking her out."
"We haven't a clue either. Tis your dream."
(Monday, 3/13th)
It was pretty early wen I woke up. And when I say early I mean 'before Twilight even gets up' early. She decided to stay with me last night, and judging by her position in bed, decided to fall asleep next to me while using my sleeping body as a breathing book stand. Clever. If it weren't for her closed eyes, I would've thought she never went to sleep. I grew curious and peeked at the book she was reading, but then got bored after reading the first three words of the pages. I stuck a bookmark into her book before closing it. If I were going to be the only one awake at this time without wanting to go back to sleep, I'd rather not spend it doing nothing but lying there staring at the ceiling. I pulled the covers out from under me to-
Okay, I tried to get out from under the covers, but on the other side of me, Rainbow had one of her wings stretched over my stomach. I carefully took her wing off of me and Rainbow did the rest by folding it. When I tried to move however, she mumbled something in her sleep and wrapped her forelegs around my arm. I deadpanned at an imaginary fourth wall. Clingy Rainbow. Once again, I found myself stuck in my own bed. Letting out a sigh, I lied back down and stared at the ceiling in defeat. It was time like those where I missed winter time. I could've been wearing long sleeved PJ's that I could've slipped out of. I'd be downstairs by now if we had the AC at night, but no. Bro says 'We need to put less strain on the generator.' It's solar powered for shit's sake! So it was too warm for long sleeve PJ's, so I lied there for about an hour staring at the ceiling again before I felt the bed shake a little from my right.
"Good morning Xavier." Twilight's awake.
"Yo."
Twilight took a moment to look at my predicament before a smirk appeared on her face. "You're stuck."
"Yup."
"Need any help?"
"Yes please." Her horn glowed and before I knew it, we were down stairs in the basement. Twilight was shaking off her dizziness. "Hey. Thanks. It seems like you're getting better at using magic on me."
"Yeah, but it still takes a lot out of me.." She said, getting herself together. "That counts as another favor by the way."
"Fair enough." I said, planting a kiss on her nose.
Her cheeks turned a slight red. "Well, I'm going to go back to the library to check my checklist for the day. Today's a big day for Applejack."
"You do that." I told her. I nearly forgot that AJ was heading off to Canterlot for some event today and won't be back for a week. Then it hit me. Jack's in Canterlot too! Fuck this is gonna be a boring series of days ahead of me! Unless... Before Twilight could leave, I grabbed her tail to stop her. "Hey uh, need any help?"
Twilight and I were with our friends over by Town Square. Apparently AJ's goal was to donate the winnings to fix the town hall. Whatever happened to using tax payers money- i mean bits to fix up community buildings? Isn't that how that works? I got my eye on you, Mayor.
"Speech! Speech!" Pinkie said, bouncing.
"Aw shucks. Ah'm not much for speeches. But" AJ started, "This here is the nicest sendoff anypony could ask for. Y'all have been cheerin' me on in every rodeo since Ah was a little little pony. So it seems only fittin' to use mah winnin's to fix up town hall. Ah promise to make Ponyville proud."
As the ponies cheered, her friends and I made our way to the train station. I couldn't help but notice while everyone was cheering AJ to win the ribbon, how Mayor Mare kept going on about money. I tapped the mare on her withers.
"Yes, Mr. Roberts?"
"Doesn't Ponyville have something like a treasury full of tax payer's bits or something?" I said with an eyebrow raised.
"Why yes I do, but we have been running low on bits from all of those disastrous disasters."
"Right.." I notice things were silent. The girls were all looking at me as if I've grown an extra eyes. "What? Got somethin on my face?"
"Aren't you gonna say something to Applejack before she leaves?" Twilight asked.
"Oh. Right... uh... I hope you trip and break a leg?" The girls gasped.
"Ex-key-YUSE me?!"
"What an awful thing to say!"
I shrugged. "Just keeping you blind to the eyes of Murphy."
"Who's Murphy?" Pinkie asked.
"I think it's just another human thing." Fluttershy said.
AJ finally got on the train and everyone wished her good luck and said their farewells and whatever Pinkie was saying. When the train was no longer in sight, I went home to get a few things. I don't know about you girls, but I still got work to do.
The rest of the week was mostly uneventful. Day by day, the remainder of us at home did our own thing. The kids hung out with their friends, I hang out with Twilight, Rainbow, and even Fluttershy once (Brianna was still shipping us). Pinkie was planning a "Welcome Back and Congratulations for Winning the Rodeo" party, so she was pretty busy. Things were a bit dull without Jack around. Had to wonder what he was doing in Canterlot. Because he wasn't around, Jack's two brothers ended up staying at the Apple house. Well, besides Jeff, us Roberts siblings had our house again.
(Saturday, 3/18)
Well, today is the day. The day Applejack finally comes back from her Canterlot rodeo games. I was currently sitting at the Sweet Apple Acres Barn. Pinkie, with the help of everyone else, had finally finished the finishing touches of the party. All we had to do was play the waiting game. Well, while I was playing the waiting game, Twilight was once again nagging me about punctuality. I wasn't really listening, just nodding my head while tuning her out. Pinkie's startling Fluttershy to no end while Jonathan and Apple Bloom are hopping around Big Mac in excitement to see AJ and maybe Jack again. I had to clear it with a few of Applejack's other relatives who were (or were trying to be) supportive of me and AJ dating that they had the wrong human.
After a while, we were all hiding in the dark waiting for the cowgirl to trot right through those doors. However, instead of said cowgirl, a mail man came through the door, thinking we through the surprise birthday party for him instead. Twilight, in extreme disappointment, took a letter that was sent from Applejack and rudely slammed the door in front of the poor guy, earning her a slap to the back of her head from me. It's the guy's birthday for cryin out loud. Apparently the message read that AJ hadn't taken the train back to Ponyville. Instead, she said she wasn't coming back. Poor AJ and Poor Jack.
Why isn't AJ coming home for some odd reason? That question was running through my mind. What could've happened to Applejack? It's bad enough that Jack's in Canter- Oooooh. I get it... After finally putting two and two together, my worries were no more.
"Maybe she's hurt. Or sad.. Or scared!!" Fluttershy said, shrinking.
"Or maybe she's not coming back today and forgot to put that on the letter?" I took a guess.
"Well, that is a good possibility," Twilight stated, "but it's good to check on her just to be sure."
"What're we waiting for?! Let's go find her!" Rainbow demanded.
Whatever... I thought, leaving the barn. I thought about leaving for home, but I thought better of it knowing that Twilight, as she's almost always tried to, will show up at my door wanting to drag me along her adventures with her and her friends. For real, can a brother chill? At the very least, I would be able to sleep on the train to Canterlot.
It was storming outside, as it always were where I was headed. The rough seas far below me were going wild as I flew over. I could began to see where I needed to be as I spotted white structures greeting me with lights that stuck out in this ocean planet. When I spotted a platform I could land my ship on, I did before getting out and throwing my hood on. I knew I was supposed to be looking for a bounty hunter here who took part in trying to assassinate a senator.
"Well isn't this a scene?" A voice said behind me. I turned and saw Nightmaid standing behind me. "I always took thee for the sunny type with clear skies." When I saw her, she still had a bag over her eye and the rest of the side of her face from saying something I won't repeat to Luna. I never even imagined a princess could deliver such a savage beatdown. Even after all I've heard about her and how much she attempted to put me through, I sorta felt bit bad for her. Just a little bit. That bag if ice may have been the first act of kindness I've shown towards Nightmaid.
"It's from a movie, not that you'd understand what that is. Secondly, I prefer sunsets." I said. "How's your face?"
"Still sporting a headache." She sighed. "I wish thou would allow me to use thine magic once more."
"I don't think so. I still think you are better off powerless." I shook my head. "I don't need you trying to scramble my brain for control."
"Thou hast no way of using magic." She crossed her arms. "What use would thou even have for us?" Good point. "We know." Stop doing that.
I thought for a moment, ignoring my now damp hooded robe before coming up with a solution. "Tell ya what." I started, clapping my hands together. "I'll give you a little magic freedom if you're a good mare. Fuck up, and 'poof' goes your magic. Capisce?" Nightmaid cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head. For the love of... "Do I make myself clear?" I could read her face like a book, having the hate of submitting to someone else. Alas, she's smart enough to know when to throw in the towel, knowing that I could do anything I wanted to her, and there was nothing she could do about it. Might as well try to get on my good side. It's not a bad side after all. You get privileges.
"Alright already!" She yelled. She walked up close in front of me, glaring down into my eyes while reminding me of her superior height. She closed her eyes before getting down on one knee. "I belong to thee." You were all mine the moment Luna dumped you here. "I will be on thy best behavior.." Or else your magic will be gone again. "And I will do whatever thou wish." No shit. I couldn't help but to smirk at her twitching eyebrow, knowing I was making this difficult on her.
"Are we interrupting something?" Said the voice of Luna who was coming out of the structure behind me.
"Not much, your evil twin is just finally submitting herself to me."
"It seems she has learned her lesson, hasn't she?" Luna said, looking at Nightmaid while cracking her knuckles.
I pat Nightmaid's back when she flinched. "Yeah, no worries. I'm sure she'll behave."
Luna was starting to smile, but then furrowed her brows at me. "You feel bad for her don't you?"
"Only a little. Who knows, maybe she can be reformed, right?" I turned my head to Nightmaid who was then kneeled, hiding behind me.
"Y-Yes! No more! I had enough! Have mercy!" Wow.. must've felt a lot worse than it looked.
"LIKE THEE HAD MERCY ON THINE SISTER BEFORE THOU HAD US BANISHED?!" Luna shouted, using her Royal Canterlot Voice. Before I knew it, a fist flew by my head and Nightmaid was on the ground covering her bleeding nose. "AND NOW THOU TRY TO FOOL XAVIER INTO SHOWING THOU MERCY YOU SHANT HAVE!"
"LUNA GOD-
-DAMMIT CUT IT OUT!!!" I screamed at the two. I realized that I was no longer on the clone homeworld of Kamino, but on the train that had just arrived to Canterlot. Holy shit... Luna is going to break every bone in Nightmare's body while she still can, that poor mare. However, waking up screaming seems to have a few effects, but mostly on those around you, mainly the one that woke you up. Fluttershy was clinging to the car ceiling, Rarity made a 'mistake' with her make-up, Pinkie was laughing whereas Rainbow and Twilight were looking at me, wide-eyed.
"You okay there, big guy?" Rainbow asked.
"Yeah, just a minor conflict in my dream world." Hope she's okay.
"You don't say." Twi said, rolling her eyes.
The girls had went to the rodeo to search for Applejack, whereas I went to the palace thinking that being friends with Twilight may've given Jack and Applejack special access. That is if they were with each other. And like hell if I was gonna search the entire palace myself, so I asked around for about an hour, even going as far to ask Celly herself who was far more happy to see me as she was in the middle of her princess sessions or whatever they were called, where she'd listen to whiny nobles and their petty problems or approval for cheap get rich schemes. Luna was thankful that she never got to put up with them, and for their sake, so was Celestia.
"I'm sorry, my little human, but I haven't seen your friends anywhere today. They had left Canterlot for a while now." Goddammit!. "But they were here during the rodeo games. Applejack was in a foul mood when they departed."
I gave out a sigh. "Well, thanks. I'll let you get back to uh..." I said, pointing to a brown fancy-stached pony that was complaining before I arrived.
The princess looked dejected. "Can't you stay for a while longer?"
"You actually know this thing?" the pony asked.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Twi'd nag my ear off if I did." I shrugged "Gotta go back to let 'em know they bounced." The princess tilted her head. "They left."
"Oh. I understand. I hope our next visit won't be so brief."
"Same."
Leaving the throne room, I went back to tell them that AJ wasn't here, but I was intercepted by Pinkie before I could make it to the rest of 'em.
"Eggsy Eggsy Eggsy!" Pinkie said, bouncing.
"Hey Pinkie. Sup?"
"Twilightsaidshe'swaitingforyoutocomebackbecauseweknowwheretheywentandwhatwastakingsolongforyoutugetbackfromsearchingthepalaceandnowwe'rewaitingforyoutogetbacksowecangotoDodgeJunctionbecausethatiswhereApplejackwentandwe'reallwaitingfor-" I clamped her mouth shut.
"Pinkie, let's just go."
"I'm starting to think I should put you on a leash." Twilight said. We were on the train heading to Dodge Junction, a town somewhere beyond or in the middle of the canyons. "At least then you'll be ready to leave when the rest of us are."
"Yeah, you can try." I shrugged. I cut my eyes at her with a sly smirk. "Or do you think we should put a saddle on you and have me ride on you for the rest of the trip?" Twilight's eyes went wide and her face turned red. She wildly shook her head. "Thought so."
"Are we there yet?" Pinkie whined, her hind legs crossed.
I looked over my shoulder to the bouncing pink pony. "No, but there's a toilet in the back of the car."
"REALLY?!?" Pinkie turned her head, but saw no toilets.
"Oh wait! This is Equestria, not Earth!" I said in faux surprise. "You ponies haven't invented toilets in trains yet. Silly me."
I earned a nudge from Twilight's hoof. "Xavier, bad."
Pinkie groaned out loud. "Somepony please book me on an Earth train!" She bit her bottom lip. "Or at least invent train potties!"
Oh how badly I wanted to troll her and talk about lemonade for the rest of the day there. Rainbow would've had a field day, but the two unicorns would've nagged me the rest of the ride and I wasn't in the mood for it.
"Think maybe Rarity could get into the diaper business?"
Rarity's eye twitched. "Why I'd never! Me? Wasting even a scrap of fabric for diapers?!"
"Relax, Rarity, it's a joke at Pinkie's expense."
"Please don't make me laugh!"
"Hmph!" Rarity stuck her nose in the air. "You might as well have been making it at my expense as well. You have such garish taste."
Just shut up Rarity. Shut up! I noticed Fluttershy staring out the train window with a worried look. No doubt about Applejack. "Hey Fluttershy. Relax. I'm sure she's fine."
"I know, but... I'm still worried. Why wouldn't she come back to Ponyville?"
"It's nice ya care about your friend, but try to stay positive about it. Maybe it's another prank?" I tried to reason. "I mean, Celly did say Jack is with her, so..."
"That definitely does sounds like something you two would do." Rarity agreed.
A half an hour later, we had arrived at Dodge Junction, which looked like a rundown country town that was less lively than that other place we went to a while ago. Applelista or something. I forget. But something I also forgot was the fact that I've never been here before and was the first one out of the train.
"Xavier, Wait!" Twilight yelled, but it was too late. I was already out for the public to see. A mare in a ten-gallon hat and her friend walked by and rolled her eyes.
"Ugh.. looks like 'nother one.." her friend said.
"I just bought me this here hat. Ain't buyin 'nother one."
Watching them go around the corner, I couldn't help but chuckle.
"I think it's safe to say X is right about Jack being here." Rainbow said, flying to my side.
"And that means it's a high possibility that Applejack is here too. Everyone spread out and search for Applejack."
"Rokay Fred!" Twilight and the others looked at me again.
"Another human reference that we don't get?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah." Rainbow answered.
"Now you're catching on, Twi!"
Rolling her eyes, Twilight walked on ahead away from the train station while Pinkie searched for the nearest outhouse. Twilight looked over her withers to look at me. "Xavier, you stay by me. Okay? No wandering off this time." She turned back to look ahead. When she did, I had a mischievous smirk on my face. "I don't need to end up looking for you and Applejack."
"Uh, Twilight darling? He just left." Rarity was right. As soon as she tried to act like my mom, I made a 90 degree angle turn around a building and another into an alleyway. Rainbow Dash was covering her mouth with her hooves trying not to laugh.
"Celestia's HORSE APPLES!!!"
I could feel the anger radiating off of Twilight. I snickered, turning the corner into an alleyway between the train station and another building, only to be tripped by a black and blue Nike's sneaker. After I fell flat on my face, I heard laughing that sounded familiar. I looked up from the ground and saw my best friend Jack, laughing his ass off. You bastard.
"Hahaha, hey Xavier. Watcha doin down here? Long time no speak, man."
"Yeah, nice to see you too. And the girls dragged me down here to this rundown town to search for your cowmare."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Sorry bro. I was dragged here by said cowmare herself so she can make the cash to pay the mayor."
"She lost the rodeo?"
"Lost the rodeo." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "While we're here, ya wanna go to the saloon and get drinks 'n catch up a lil'? AJ's not talkin to me for a while."
"Might as well, right?" I shrugged.
We've been at a bar for an hour or three. Jack was feeling a bit tipsy from his 11th shot of hard cider. Since I didn't drink, I passed on the alcohol. Not that I'm chicken on getting drunk or anything (okay maybe a little), but I'm not really a fan of the alcoholic taste. No beer, liquor, or wine for me. I will pass.
"So bashically... bashically I fuggin pissed off AJ becuz sheeeez.. cheeze mad!" Okay this mofo had too much to drink.
I silently let the bartender know that my buddy's had enough to drink, in which she nodded in response. Someone had to drag him back to wherever he was staying. We were just catching up with each other, but now he was drunk to the point where I could hardly even understand the guy. I ended up carrying him out of the saloon, basically being his crutch. I took a glance of him and he didn't look very well.
"Jack, if your drunk ass vomits on me, I'm dropping you."
"I tries I triesh." Drunk..
"So what inn are you staying in?" I asked
"I'mma stayin' at da Marriott.."
"They don't have those here, Jack."
"Wha, they dont?"
"No, we're not on Earth."
"I wan' my muns back..."
I gave up and went back to where Twilight said we were staying. When we made it to the inn, the girls were already there and headed to their rooms. There was a strong smell of cherries in the air. I didn't even ask about it. My main concern was the drunk I was carrying. Once we we were in, I dropped Jack on the floor in the room I was staying in. The awkward part was that I was supposed to share a room with Twilight and Rainbow, but looks like I had extra baggage.
"Aw, Xavier, did you really have to bring him here?!" Rainbow whined.
"Sorry Rainbow, but he's so out of it, he can't even tell me where he is staying, and leaving him out on the streets would make me a jackass. Sorry."
"He's staying in the bathroom. No hurling on the carpet."
As I was dragging him to the bathroom, he was slurring the opening theme of Family Guy. I placed him in the tub for the night for a reason unexplained yet. Going back to the bed, I had settled down in between my mares.
"So. How did the search go for my two cherry-smelling girls?"
"We found her right after you wandered off again." Twilight said in a sour tone. "And we've been trying to find out why she wasn't coming back to Ponyville ever sense."
"Oh I knowz tha' anser!" Jack slurred.
"Really?"
"Tell us!"
"Only if yas gimmez a turkeh sammich!" Dammit Jack...
I shook my head. "I wouldn't take his words seriously at this point. He's way out of it."
"Up yerz!" Jack called out.
"We had an accident at the cherry packing factory and now we smell like cherries."
"At least we'll have answers tomorrow. She pinkie promised to tell us what's going on."
"Sounds like you both had a rough day. I think you two should 'cherry' up." I joked. Jack was laughing in the other room.
The girls gave bemused looks, thinking otherwise. "That was terrible."
Yeah, you're right, Rainbow. Guess I cherry bombed that joke." Jack was dying in the other room.
"Xavier, if you keep this up, you're sleeping on the floor." Twilight warned.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Yeah, that'd probably be for the best. I wouldn't wanna risk 'popping your cherries.'"
The next morning, after I finished spending time with my two favorite dream horses, I woke up stiff with the sudden urge to stretch. A few loud pops later, I picked myself off of the floor and looked on the bed. The girls were gone. I shrugged and went to check on Jack in the bathroom. His snoring said he was still in the tub where I left him. It was time for him to wake up, so I put his head under the faucet and turned the cold water on.
"AH! WHAT THE FUCK!" He screamed. "COLD! COLD! COLD!"
I laughed as he flailed around. "Hahaha that's for tripping me, asshole."
"OH IT'S SO COLD!" He screamed while holding his head. "AH! HANGOVER!!"
"Well, next time don't get so drunk to the point where you can't even walk to your place of staying." I shrugged, shaking my head.
"Oh why do you hate me so?" he pouted.
I sighed, walking out of the bathroom. "We need to get a move on before Twilight decides to lecture me on overslee-"
"NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!!!" Technically I'm not a pony.
I heard rapid hoof-steps storming past the other side of the door. That's when I started thinking. I don't really think I'm on her mind right now, so...
"Hey Jack. Wanna get breakfast?"
"Sure."
After Jack and I did our morning routine, we headed over to a restaurant in town for some bacon (using figurative language here. I know ponies don't serve bacon.), ignoring the commotion going on in town.
"APPLEJACK! GET BACK HERE!!!"
Nope.
"I'm stayin out of that one." Jack said.
"You read my mind."
When we reached the place, I noticed we were getting looks. We were stopped by the manager, a dark teal mare with blue eyes, blonde hair and a spatula for a cutie mark and a badge with the name 'Flipsy' on it and 'Manager' underneith. (How else do you think I'd be able to tell if she's a manager or not?)
"Sorry sirs, we don't serve meat here. Might as well turn around and head back the way you came." She said, glaring at us.
I was about to say something, but Jack shushed me, clearly having an idea of his own judging by the grin on his face.
"Don't worry. We're not here to eat ya or anything. I'd eat you in bed though, eh?" He said, making an obscene gesture with his two fingers and tongue. I didn't see the mare blush profusely as my hand was currently covered by my face-palming. I could hear her teeth grinding.
"Sorry ma'am. What my perverted friend here is trying to say is that we're not carnivores. We're omnivores. We're just hear for flapjacks." I swear, Jack, ever since you told me AJ's opinion on herding...
"J-Just... take your seats..." the mare said.
We both took seats at the bar. I shook my head. "One of these days, you're going to get stung by your flirting with every mare that approaches you"
I couldn't help but notice something blue sticking out of his jacket when he sat down.
"Hey, what's that?" I asked.
"What's what?"
"Yeah, that blue ribbon. Gonna help Rarity with somethin?"
"Oh this?" Jack pulled said ribbon out of his pocket and showed it to me. It took a while for me to notice that it was actually a 'first place' ribbon. "Yeah, I won this from a rodeo in Canterlot I accidentally joined."
Two and two came together. AJ didn't come home because she didn't win. Jack did. AJ lost the rodeo to Jack. AJ didn't get the bits to fix the Town Hall in Ponyville. Jack did. Because of him, the girls smell like cherries and Applejack is being chased by a raging Pinkie. I burst out laughing.
"This is amazing! This is gotta be your best troll yet!"
"What? It's not like I 'accidentally' joined to get payback, but hey." He gave me a devious grin. "You should've seen the letter I had sent back to Ponyville along with the winnings."
"What? Watcha send?" I said, grinning back.
"Let's just say that AJ'll never be looked at the same way again."
My chuckles grew silent. "Think you're takin this a bit too far? Three pranks in two days might be considered... you know, harsh trolling?"
"Nah." He said, shaking his head.
"Alright, but uh... your pranks may end up causing relationship problems for yourself."
"You're one to talk."
"Whatever dude. Whenever Applejuice kicks you to the curb, don't come crying to me." I warned. Then the food came.
"Think the girls will find out what really happened?" Jack asked me as we left the diner.
"Well, hard to say. AJ's stubborn as fuck, but they might get her to sing. She did break a Pinkie Promise this morning from what we could hear."
"The entire town could hear." Jack added.
"Hahah yeah. I wonder how they'll react when they-" we turned the corner only to see our six friends glaring at Jack, Applejack looking the most pissed. "...look like they will end up burying you alive, real soon."
"THIS IS ALL YER FAULT!" AJ yelled, pointing a hoof at him.
"Oh whatever do you mean?" Jack said, feigning ignorance.
"Don't ya dare play dumb with me boy Ya'll know exactly what ya done did!" Applejack was fuming.
"I swear, half of those words in those sentences weren't needed." Jack taunted. You're pushin' it bro.
"Well 'Ah' got a choice o' words for ya, ya hear! Ya made these past two days a livin' Tartarus!"
"What? I won fair and square." He said before giving AJ a malicious trolling grin. "Next time you'll think twice before turning me into your slave, Applejack."
"But Applejack was going to use the bits to rebuild town hall." Twilight said.
"I already sent the bits back to Ponyville. Most of 'em anyway." Jack said, rubbing the back of his head.
"And the rest of the bits?"
"Can't tell ya that, Twi." Jack gave Twilight a wink. "It's a secret."
Soon it was time for us to head back to Ponyville. AJ and Jack never said a word to each other, not even on the train ride back. Applejack glared at him the entire trip while Jack had a smug look on his face. Like he had everything handled. ..The hell am I worried about? Not any of my business.
The rest of the day for me went pretty average after I got over the culture shock again for the third time. I was then just glad to've finally been home again. Twilight had to make sure Spike was taking care of things at the library, and Fluttershy was sure the animals hadn't had dinner yet. It was late and I was tired. The kids were already sleep, Jack didn't come home, and neither was Bro. Didn't care much about Jeff however. He was out doing whatever.
Rainbow and I slept very well on my much more comfortable bed.